Hello, I'm Jill!
I love to read, drink too much coffee, ride horses, occassionally write something, and procrastinate by binge-watching Netflix.
Bravery comes in many different forms, even for a Ravenclaw like Rose.
Hello, Beth! So I know I mentioned this on Twitter, but I've read the first 12 chapters of this story back on the old site and apparently didn't review half the chapters I read. Which is, well, unacceptable. I am here to make up for it :D
I love this story. I love your characterization of Rose and how you capture her anxiety, as well as her mantras of getting through the day. While I've been lucky and don't have personal experience with anxiety or anything I (think) Rose is going through, you write it so well that my heart's already reaching out to her and I just want to hug her.
It's also super impressive if it's your first fanfic :D I know you've written quite a bit since this, so I'm excited to see how the story and your writing grows.
I think it's an interesting choice that you put Al, Rose, Scorp, and Seleina in Ravenclaw, but I'm excited to see what you do with their personalities despite them being in the same house.
This was a fantastic first chapter. You gave me just enough insight on Rose and what happened to her to want me to read more, but not enough where the details were overwhelming.
It won't be tonight, but I'm definitely going to be coming back to this story and to see how everything develops.
Thanks for the swap!! ♥
They watched how he tried to fly, mere mortal in the hands of Fate, and they watched how he fell.
Aph! Here with your review for our swap and I'm so sorry about the delay ♥
Okay so somehow I haven't read this before (is it newish?) but I absolutely loved it. Your writing is, as always, so beautiful and it does always feel like I'm reading something (I enjoy) in English class. :) And I've never read Teddy/Rose before, and I'm kind of curious to know how they came about to be, but it's refreshing to see Teddy with someone other than Victoire, even if it's like this.
I love the style you wrote this in and the incorporation of the three muses. And I loved that it was structured around Teddy's visits to the graveyard, and how even without naming names, I knew who you were talking about the moment you mentioned him coming in different shapes and forms, something I can totally see Teddy doing. :P
But poor Teddy. You wrote his grief so well and even though we don't know how it happened, it's clear that he loved Rose and that it was tearing him apart. They were so close in life and I just love the idea of him visiting her constantly at her grave and talking to her (because I'm tragic and I love angst).
I also loved how you measured time - from the ticking of the church bell in the beginning to the changing of the seasons, to the flowers whilting, everything. It was just so beautiful.
This piece, as your writing always is, was a pleasure to read. I can't imagine how Teddy must be feeling, but I loved that you incorporated the guilt he felt about being happy, even after she's gone. And for one of the sisters to curse him (I think that's what happened, at least?) felt very much like something that belonged in Greek mythology.
Thanks for the swap!
banner by darth vader@TDA
Mum Friend (n.)- the one friend in the group who is always taking care of and looking out for everyone else; the responsible one
Unfortunately for designated mum friend Lyra Stebbins, she is about to find out that always taking care of everyone else comes with its own set of problems.
2017 F.R.O.G.S. Nominee- Best LGBTQA
Hello lovely! I am here in the spirit of next gen and snowballs, and WHY HAVEN'T I READ THIS BEFORE?!
You know I always love your writing, and now I'm super excited to read further into Lyra's adventures. She already comes off as super relatable; constantly taking care of the drunk/hungover roommates while working as a Healer. I'm glad that someone called her out on it in the first chapter though, I have a feeling that it's going to stay with her for a while.
This chapter does a great job with setting up the story without giving too many details, but leaving me eager enough to want to know more. Is there a reason that Lyra's always taking care of everyone, apart from it's what she's always done? And I'm curious to see how she fits in with the Wotter clan; apart from going to Hogwarts together, I'm very curious as to what her relationships with them are like -- I'm guessing she's already pretty close with Roxanne and Rose if she's living with them, but you've set up an interesting cast of characters in a short amount of time, and I've gotta applaud you for that.
The dynamics at St. Mungo's are also super interesting, and I'm curious to see how they're going to play into the story as well. I snorted at the line, "I grew up with Fred Weasley - you get used to it." and I love how everyone just sort of nods and understands, and it's great to see Fred's legacy living on.
Excellent first chapter and I'm excited to see where this goes!
We were meant to be friends, Remus. You know it, as well as I do.
Two children who grew up together. Two boys struggling on their paths towards adulthood. Two men faced with darkness too thick for them to get through.
A Peter/Remus story.
Set in the All the truth about Jimmy Portman's universe.
Hufflepuff Story of the Month - November 2016
Sitewide Story of the Month - January 2017
Beta'ed by Ysh (princesslily_36/Flaming Quilltips), with some help from Bianca (victoria_anne). Stunning banner by Kristin (Stella Blue). Love you, girls!
Transferring reviews! <3
Chiara. Here for your requested review ♥
Okay, so. I loved this. A lot. I really love the idea of Peter and Remus being friends before Hogwarts and then being separated because of Remus being a wolf. It makes so much sense, especially when you focus on the mothers and how Remus' mum took him away because she was truly afraid for her son.
I LOVED what you did with his relationship with his parents. I'm so happy you made them close, and the scene with his mom locking him away in the garage was truly painful to read. :( And her sleeping outside?! CHIARA, WHY MUST YOU BREAK MY HEART LIKE THIS! Remus shouting for his father and him not being there, ugh.
And I really enjoyed you exploring his friendship with Peter. I feel like, in the few Marauder stories that I've read, Peter's always the bad guy and it makes sense, since we already know that he is, but you made him a child. And human. AND ADORABLE. I loved him rushing to Remus' aid when those bullies were beating on him. Kids are cruel, and I love that his father stepped in to save the day. He just seems like a really sweet man.
And Remus being terrified of starting Hogwarts makes a lot of sense, too. He's close with his parents and he's worried about hurting someone, and he's just so vulnerable and soft and I just want to squish him! At least the ending seems optimistic, and of course, we know that he'll make the very best friends later on.
I can't wait to see where you go with this! I don't really have any CC for you. The dialogue and flow were great, and you gave just enough description without it being too overbearing or taking away from the story at all.
Thank you for the request and sharing this with me! I really loved it.
Chiara! Happy Hot Seat, darling! ♥
I've been meaning to get back to this fabulous story of yours, and this seems like the perfect time!
I really love what you've been doing here. Not only do you write children so well, but you're doing a great job of establishing both Peter and Remus' characters while you venture into exploring their first year at Hogwarts. I can just see Peter as a timid boy, having a serious conversation with the Sorting hat. I imagine he was very difficult to place, and you did a great job of showing us what that must be like!
It was also so relatable to see how hard it is for them to make friends. Especially at that age, everyone older seems terrifying and intimidating. It makes a lot of sense that Peter would end up sitting on the train with his Slytherin cousins that first year, though. And clinging to Remus is definitely something he would do.
But poor Remus! He must feel a little smothered by Peter, I was definitely getting that sense in the library scene. I can't imagine how hard it is for him to keep a secret like that from one of his only friends.
Great cameos of Lily and Sev!
You're doing a remarkable job on this story. You're actually making me feel for Peter! Well done!
Transferred review <3
Chiara's on the hot seat! ♥♥♥
I love what you're doing with this story. I really enjoyed seeing a lot of Remus' POV, and him struggling to write to his parents. It was a nice parallel with the end scene. I don't think I've mentioned this yet before, but I also love what you're doing to make the wolf part of Remus distinct, if that makes sense.
I also really loved seeing his friendship grow with James and Sirius, who are always around to lighten the mood. You're doing a great job with keeping everyone in character and I love the nicknames they give each other. And when they decided to become Animagi, and Remus was trying to forbid them... warm fuzzy feelings, Chiara! All of them!
The one little bit of CC I have for you was that sometimes it was a little confusing with what year it was unless you outright said an age.
I also loved that they got Peter his father's chess set back. That definitely seems like something that they would do and it just makes it so sad that Peter will betray them in the end. :(
Also, what was this about Remus' heart skipping a beat?! eh?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, I WANT TO KNOW! *wink*
Another great chapter, darling!
Transferred review <3
Hi, Chiara! Here for our review swap ♥
I do love this story. It's such a refreshing take on the characters, but you keep them so close to how I imagine them being in canon that it works so well.
So, this chapter!
I loved the opening scene. I thought you did a great job of writing the relationship between Remus and his father; it was so sweet to see John so open about his job problems with Remus, fighting to calm down a werewolf bill. And then we get Remus opening up to his dad, who is so warm and accepting about the entire situation. Remus is right, though- if his father can love his son as a werewolf, he can certainly love him if he turns out to be gay, and I'm so glad that he was right about that.
You have some great comic relief here with the Marauders exploring the castle. I can just picture the three of them huddled under James' invisibility cloak, exploring as Remus is trying to be on Prefect duty. I love that it was James' idea for the map and that he's so dedicated and passionate about it.
And we have some Regulus/Sirius! That was unexpected but I really enjoyed it. I haven't read much with them being in school together, and I think you did a great job of showing that conflicted dynamic. Sirius trying to go his own way, Regulus trying to blend in and roll with the Death Eaters. We know that Sirius gets blasted off the family tree, and that makes it even more heartbreaking. :( I'm glad you added this confrontation, though, because it just broadens the story even more, which is always a good thing.
I also think you did a brilliant job explaining Remus' confusion about both Dorcas and Peter. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for him to figure it out, and I think you did a great job of describing how each made him feel. I really liked this: "She was like air, refreshing and healthy. He was like fire, burning and consuming. Remus craved them both with equal strength and he couldn’t make sense of it." because it was just so powerful and it captured his emotions and frustration really well.
AND THEN THAT END KISS ♥ I'm so glad Remus worked up the courage to be the one to kiss him first. And I love that you didn't slap a label on him right away. It was just so adorable and so satisfying after all of the angst of the chapter.
One minor bit of CC: It bugged me a little when Remus said, "Who's Dorcas?" just because she had been so equal to Peter until that moment. Was that just his bit of confusion being cleared and realizing that he wanted Peter and only him? I'd like to see that explored just a bit more so it doesn't feel like it gets brushed off at the end.
A brilliant chapter, darling! I love the flow and the feel of the story, how you weave through significant chunks of time throughout each chapter. It's really well done.
Please let me know when you update this!
CHIARA HI! ♥♥
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get here, but I'm finally here with your requested review!!
This chapter was definitely titled properly. I really love how you took aspects of canon and weaved it from someone else's POV. That's one of the great things about fic, being able to see scenes we know from a different perspective.
And I love your boys. I loved seeing James after the werewolf incident; I don't read a lot of marauders, but I really loved the way you handled his outburst. It reminded me a bit of Harry in OotP, and I liked that a lot.
But poor Peter :( I can't believe you have me say these things with sincerity! That breakup in the hospital was so harsh, but also really realistic. I could definitely see Remus withdrawing from everyone after that incident and that you tied it back to Remus and Peter's childhood a bit.
You asked about the flow in your request, and I think the flow is good! You have a lot of great dialogue all the time, which keeps the pace moving and it never seems to really drag down, even when you add the bit of description, which was especially apparent at Peter's birthday.
The section breaks worked well, as in where you stopped and started, but it did take me a little while to figure out which instance you were talking about until you came out and said it. I'm not sure if there was a way you could mention that earlier? Or maybe even just putting the year after the break so that we know where we are? Otherwise, though, I think you're handling the year gaps very well! It's one of the many things I love about this story. ♥
I also absolutely loved the parallelism between the fallout with Snape and Lily and the breakup with Peter. How it was only a word that destroyed them, but a word that packed such a huge meaning to both Remus and Lily - and ironically, both words started with 'm'! Did you do that on purpose? It worked really well, I loved it!
I also loved the juxtaposition from the beginning of this chapter to the end. You could really see how much had changed in just this chapter alone, from when everyone was acting sort of carefree in the beginning to when they're being cold and distant. I also can't help but feel a bit bad for Dorcas, I wonder where that's going to go - if anywhere.
Another fabulous chapter for this wonderful story! And thank you for the request - come back anytime!!
Thank you so much, Jill! *hug* *wub*
Hello lovely, here with your review!
I was excited to see that you finally posted a new chapter (although I'm not one to talk :P). To be honest, the length made me a bit nervous, but as always with your writing, you captured my attention and kept it the whole way through. And I always marvel over your ability to go through so much time in one chapter and have it flow so effortlessly.
I think the politics were good here. Poor Remus, having to wear a stupid red band to mark him as dangerous - but it makes sense, since the Ministry would have to do something to "warn people", although I'm glad that Remus' friends and Peter didn't really care or notice anything about the band.
It's interesting that Dumbledore called them out specifically and asked them to join the Order. I think there I would've liked a bit more context, even if it was Remus or Peter recognizing everyone's strengths about why they were chosen specifically. Otherwise, I enjoyed that scene quite a bit and was happy to see that Peter hesitated. You make me forget that he's the reason that James and Lily are dead, but then you did little things like that to remind me/us of his true character, and it's really well done here.
Aww, Dorcas and Remus! That's cute. I'm glad he found someone, even if it wasn't Peter. And I enjoyed how nonchalant they both were abotu the whole thing, but Dorcas has always been there for Remus, and she obviously holds no judgmenet, so it made sense for them.
And James being nice! And being with Lily! I would've liked to see a bit more how they got together, but I know that this is focused more on Remus and Peter, so I'm content with that library scene. :P
Through it all, there's always Remus and Peter. I'm glad that they had some moments alone and even if it was uncomfortable, they still managed to be around each other. There's hope for them yet!
Another fantastic chapter, darling! I really do love this story. <3
Thank you so much for the review, and sorry if I'm answering so late...
Ahahah! We are all slow writers... I'm a bit stuck with the next chapter, hopefully it won't take too long... And yes, I know, these chapters get always longer. Not my fault, there's always so much to include... I'm glad it read well nonetheless! :)
Yes, the law is horrible. I'm glad you found it believable, though. I was scared I'd pulled it too far... Yes, his friends don't care, but we already knew they were special, right?
That scene would've needed more context, I agree. I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway. Peter is Peter, he wouldn't like the idea of fighting, but wouldn't step out either for fear of his friends' judgement. Glad you found him in character and liked his hesitation.
They are cute. Glad you liked them together. :) And James and Lily, too! :D *Jily 5ever*
Yes, there's always Remus and Peter. We'll see how things will go from there...
Thank you for another wonderful review! You are the best!
Chiara! I'm so sorry I seem to have fallen woefully behind on this story, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me! ♥♥
Anyway, let's talk about this chapter! I know I've said it in a bunch of my reviews, but it's still true. I'm so impressed with how you handle time jumps without it being overly confusing. I loved that you started this chapter with Mad-Eye's training and it flowed through to the end, where everyone was taking That Picture to celebrate both Lily and Alice being pregnant. It's not something you really think about, but it makes sense since Neville and Harry are only a few days apart. I'm really glad you brought those details together :)
Speaking of details, I loved how you wrote the attack at the house. It was all really easy for me to picture, and writing action is so difficult, so you did a great job. I can totally see Peter sort of ducking and hiding and Sirius getting mad at him for it, so I thought that was really well done to show their dynamic, and Remus coming to his defense. WILL YOU JUST LET THESE TWO GET BACK TOGETHER, CHIARA?! I MEAN REALLY.
Although I will admit that Dorcaes and Remus are cute. I'm glad she's so supportive of him and knows of his mission; Dumbledore's right in that will ease a lot of the burden if he can share it with her.
Ugh, poor Peter. I know all too well that feeling of wanting to be left alone even though your friends try and drag you places. I'm glad James eventually backed off even though he didn't want to.
I have a sneaky suspicion that I know who that voice belongs to... *shivers*
Excellent chapter as always, Chiara! And I've missed your writing and this story. I will be back in the not-so-distant future to continue reading ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Welcome back, love! I have missed you! And you have nothing to apologize for, I'm just glad you decided to come back here! :)
I'm so glad to know that the chapter flowed well and the time jumps were easy to follow. I wanted it to focus on the war and the Order and I hope that worked well. And yes, they would be pregnant in the same period, wouldn't they? Glad you liked the picture bit.
Writing action is definitely difficult, so I'm glad it seemed to work here. I wanted to put focus on Peter's reactions in a battle, because I think it explains a lot of his character and some of his later decisions. I'm glad you liked the dynamics among the Marauders in that scene. As for Peter and Remus getting back together... erm... I can't...?
I'm glad you find Remus and Dorcas cute together, though. They truly are. And he does need her and all her support.
Poor Peter, indeed. He just feels so detatched and lonely at this point. And yes, sometimes you just want to stay on your own, right?
Sorry for the cliffhanger. I have to warn you, the next chapter won't be pretty...
Thank you so much, I'm so glad you love this story! And I can't wait to see you back for the rest! (No pressure, though. When you have time.)
Chiara, I'm here for our swap and I'm sorry about the delay!
Okay but I didn't expect this chapter to break my heart. I really just want to snuggle Remus, even though I know he's a jerk to Peter later on-- he's going through so much with his mission from Dumbledore and trying to be a double agent is impossible to imagine. Especially when all of your supposed best friends turn on you... and that conversation with him and Sirius when Sirius was accusing him of being the spy. :( Sirius is very passionate and sometimes makes rash decisions, and I thought you did a great job of showcasing that in this chapter, and I also really liked the name-calling touches and how Remus managed to make Padfoot more disgusting than Black.
Remus and Dorcas are so adorable. I'm so glad they have each other and that she's there to help support him.
UGH Peter, it's so fitting that your animagus form is a rat.
DORCAS NO :(
Remus is there to see Peter! High-emotion reunions are neverrr a good idea and that's why. :P UGH, I want to both snuggle and shake Remus, though I suppose he's only human. Kinda. WHY CAN'T THESE TWO IDIOTS WORK IT OUT?!
Oooh, I really loved seeing the reasoning behind why they chose Peter as Secret Keeper. The boys are right; they'd instantly go to Sirius first. And interesting that they kept it from Remus, which is why Sirius thinks that Remus was the one who betrays them in PoA. At least I think that's how it happens? It's been a while since I've read the books.
Poor Peter. He has a pretty strong defense of the Dark Lord actually looking into his head for the address, and we've always known he's the weaker of the four, which is probably why Voldemort picked him.
Amazing chapter, as always, Chiara! I'm looking forward to the epilogue-- hopefully I'll get there sooner rather than later!
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
First of all... please, please, please, forgive me for taking so long to reply to this!
And sorry for breaking your heart, too. This is definitely the hardest chapter of the whole story and I might have make myself cry a little writing it... So sorry... :(
Yes, poor Remus. He is a bit of a jerk to Peter, but he's going through so much, with his mission and his friends mistrusting him and everything. I'm glad you "liked" his exchange with Sirius and that you found it verosimilar and in character. I agree with you, Sirius often acts without reflecting and it is so sad that their friendship is so skrewed up at this point.
I'm glad you found Remus and Dorcas adorable. I do love them. And yes, they do need each other's support.
Yes, Peter is awful in there... and yes, poor Dorcas... I'm sorry... :(
Remus going to see Peter in that frangent definitely wasn't a good idea... I really wish they could work it out, but they are just incompatible, I'm afraid...
Yeah, that's how it was written in the books. They chose Peter because they thought Voldemort wouldn't imagine it was him, and they never told Remus because they thought he was the spy. Obviously it was a mistake, but they couldn't know it at that point.
Yes, poor Pete... he does have a quite strong defense against Voldemort reading his mind... unfortunately he isn't strong enough to protect the Potters...
Thank you so, so much for this incredible review! You are wonderful!
Hello, my dear! I'm here for our review swap, and I'm so sad that this story is over.
You've done such an amazing job with Peter in this story. You've somehow managed to make me feel for him and relate to him a little better, and I think that speaks volumes because you've done everything in a truly believable way. I love how you stuck with canon as much as possible until the end, and I think tying it into your own AU is very clever. I'm not normally into AUs, but I'm a little curious to see where this story would go - and it's amusing to think of Peter as a father.
I can certainly see Peter doing some damage control. He wouldn't not tell Voldemort about the Potters, and it's a little understandable considering they tortured and threatened him, but him taking Harry makes a lot of sense. It offers him the chance of a new life, and it also ties into the books a bit with everyone still thinking/knowing what Peter did to the Potters.
Aww, and Lily is expecting! That's adorable. I do think that James would go to hell and back trying to find Harry, though, no matter what Peter says.
That scene with Remus and Sirius is so heartbreaking on so many levels. I'm glad they were able to reconcile, and I loved that Remus could forgive him, but not yet - it's very realistic and given how deeply hurt he was, makes sense that it wouldn't be done overnight. At least their friendship is reparable, and I'm glad Sirius is calling him out for still holding onto Peter's ghosts. I really do feel badly for him.
Aww, and poor Alice and Frank! It makes sense though, especially since we know that Neville would be the other chosen one, and I'm curious to see how the HP books would be played out if that was the case.
Overall, you did an amazing job with this story. It's so original in an era that gets written about quite a lot in fanfic, and I tip my hat to you for your talent, originality, and creativity. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story and giving us all a little more insight into the mind of Peter Pettigrew ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Hi again, Jill! *wub*
Oh, I'm so, so glad you liked my Peter and that I could make you feel for him! I did try to keep everything as canon as possible till the end and I'm glad it worked and felt believable. Well, I meant for Liar to tie into Jimmy from the beginning, so I'm not sure how clever that is, but thank you... :P And it would be lovely if you decided to check out Jimmy too... (yes, Peter as a father is an amusing thought... :P)
I agree, Peter wouldn't have the courage/strenght not to tell Voldemort, but I think taking Harry is something he might have done and I'm glad you can see that happening.
Yes, Lily is pregnant again. I'm glad you find it adorable, even if she's having trouble accepting it right now. This will change, of course, and the new baby will be loved deeply. And yes, James would go to the end of the world to find Harry.
I'm glad you liked the Remus/Sirius scene. So much has happened between them and it can't be fixed immediately, but they can definitely work it out with time. And yes, Remus still has feelings for Peter and that must be so hard for him. Sirius is right in calling him out.
Yes, I know... poor Alice and Frank... and poor Neville, too... yes, that's how it would have play out if Harry wasn't around, right?
Aww... thank you so much... I'm so proud of how this story turned out and I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much! Thank you for following me to the very end, it really means a lot!
All my love and the hugest snowball hug ever!
Banner by me.
Seventh Year is almost over and Teddy Lupin is trying to complete his seven year long mission to make the entire student body happy. The only person standing in his way is his best friend, Fred Weasley II. But is it annoyance or something more? Teddy still has one last lesson to learn this year and the final exam is coming up fast.
For MuggleMaybe's Happy and Gay Challenge.
Beta by DreamGazer220 and Theia
Title by TidalDragon
The transfer of a review! :D
I am so super glad you liked this so much! I had so much fun writing Teddy and I'm super looking forward to including him in future fics. I look at his parents and I just can't see him being such a sad sap all the time. And of course he's in Hufflepuff. Not only is it canon, but he takes after his Mum. ^_^
FreddIE may have been raised my George, but I think he takes after his Mum, too. I imagine Angelina to be rather no-nonsense when it needs to be done- part of what keeps George grounded.
Are you kidding? I need all the luck you can give! Do you know who I'm up against? You and Rose, for starters! X.x
Thanks for stopping by, darling. I'll try to get an update in soon!
The year is 1976. Lily Evans and the Marauders are starting their sixth year and things are changing. Voldemort is gaining power both inside and outside of Hogwarts. It is time to choose sides in the upcoming war, which may mean cutting out old friends and forging new friendships.
Banner: aurore. @ TDA || 2015: Best OTP finalist
Hi there! Stopping by for review tag =)
So I've been quite curious about this story for a while and this prologue did not disappoint. I can imagine how challenging it is to write scenes from Death Eaters/Voldemort's POV and you did a really great job here. You gave us enough information without overwhelming us - I want to know what's going to happen next!
I can totally see Voldemort using the younger Death Eaters as pawns and essentially sacrificing them, especially those who are eager to prove themselves to him.
This was a great, face-paced introduction to the story and I'm also glad that you included both men and women to the meeting.
The last paragraph is very ominus and very Tom Riddle. I will be back at some point to read more! Great start :D
Oh, thank you! Thankfully for me I spend most of the story from Lily or James's POV, but young Avery gets some more screen time later. I'm glad the prologue piqued your interest. :) I try to make sure the war doesn't fall to the wayside throughout the novel so I figured it was best to set up antagonistic forces early. Thanks again and I hope you continue with the story. - R
Kingsley Shacklebolt enjoyed his work at the Ministry. As he got more comfortable with a practiced role, he never expected to fall for this woman.
Hello there! I'm here with your requested review.
So, I don't read much with Kingsley as a main character, but I really enjoyed the way you brought him to life. And it was interesting that you tied him back to canon by bringing in Lee Jordan's mom, his partner and the woman he was having an affair with. I loved how protective Kingsley was of Patti and that they seemed to understand each other.
I think you also did a good job with covering a lot of time in just a one-shot; nothing really felt chunky or out of place. My one suggestion here, though, would be to make the dates stand out a little bit clearer just so we know it's not one block of time. Maybe even centering the dates would help distinguish it, but the overall flow of the story was well done.
I also enjoyed Mad-Eye in this. I loved his relationship with Kingsley and how close they were.
I sort of liked that Nate was obliviating his wife. It was a bit confusing, at first, until I realized what was going on; is there a way to make that clearer? Kingsley realized it when she said that everything felt like the same day, but I think a few more hints in that direction would help that make more sense.
In terms of canon, I think this slides in well. I liked the mentions of Sirius and that Kingsley was working on his case, and the reference to Harry and Lee storming in when something happened with his mum. Since we don't see much of Kingsley, I think it's entirely possible to believe that he was on missions to protect people and had a marriage as part of the job. I did like that they were able to just rely on each other after all this time. One question I had on this, though: did they choose her because she was Kingsley's partner in the Ministry? Or was there another reason?
And poor Patti, that must suck, getting let go of her job. I'm a little unclear as to what happened with her and Nate; did they get a divorce? I think a few more details toward the end would help here clear the confusion there.
Overall, nicely done. Thanks for the request! :)
I am glad that you liked this one. It went through edits and edits. You got what I was trying to get across here; it was the growth of the relationship. I like that you enjoy tbe relationships. "Did they choose her because she was Kingsley's partner in the Ministry?" Is that in reference to Nate? Nate didn't choose to attack it. It backfired and what happened happened. Did they choose Patti as head housemsid because she was Kingsley's partner in the Ministry? Yes! They overlooked common sense for that very reason. You can't have a blind housemaid, especially on Downing Street. Very good at picking up on that. Thanks for the review.
banner by abhorsen. @TDA
Meeting banshees in the Forbidden Forest, setting the Great Hall on fire, and smuggling in contraband: Victoire and Fred Weasley are trouble with a capital T.
HPFT Ravenclaw Nargle: Best Ravenclaw Character (2017) | HPFF Diadem: Little Claw (2016), Ravenclaw SotM: Best Characterization (July 2015)
Here with your review! :D
This is a lovely beginning chapter. I really got a good sense of Victorie and Fred's personalities and their relationship. I have a feeling I'm going to love their friendship, and I like that they seem to be equal in terms of shenangians and causing trouble, that Vic isn't just going along with Fred.
Of course they missed the train. I would have been disappointed if they hadn't.
But brilliant idea of them going to Teddy's instead of their parents. I chuckled at "You're not an adult - you're Teddy!" because that's exactly how I see Teddy fitting into the Potter-Weasley clan. He's older and wiser but not as intimidating as an adult and someone they could trust. I could really see their relationships here and you did a great job with them all being equal in the scene.
Aww, Teddy has pictures of Vic and of course it's "not a big deal", sure, whatever you have to tell yourself there, mate. And only one of Fred. I feel like that's going to be significant later :P
Since this is only the opening chapter, I didn't see anything inconsistent, but I do tend to do one review per chapter. I am really interested in this story though and will definitely come back and see what happens. Characterization and dialogue and everything were on-point.
Please feel free to come back and re-request the next chapter. :D :D
I am here to respond belatedly, because I am the worst. :P
I'm really glad you liked the Teddy stuff - I didn't want to lay it on too thick, but Teddy is also a huge dork who at this point has been really struggling to hide/deny his feelings for her for about a year, and he is definitely starting to lose his grip on subtle. This is also far from the first time he's gotten comments about the photos, and he keeps not really changing it, SO. Like you said - sure, whatever you have to tell yourself. :P
As you've definitely started to see, Victoire and Fred are very much on even ground. They lead each other into mischief - he's usually more at fault for pranks and she's usually more at fault for breaking the rules in other, slightly quieter ways. (For example: the animagus thing is entirely her idea.)
Thank you so much, and I'm glad you're liking it!
Hello my dear! Back with your review <3
Teddy is so adorable the way he takes care of both Fred and Victorie; making sure they have enough to eat and drink. It's sweet, really, and I love that he humored them and didn't send them right to Hogwarts - it showed enough of his personality that I'm dying to see more of him. I hope we'll get to see him in later chapters!
Vicotire is so adorable around Fred but I loved that she didn't get caught staring at him. I have a feeling I'm going to love Vic and Fred's friendship. They seem to balance each other very well.
And the menagerie! I would have liked to see a little more magic here, but I love the descriptions and the snakes - both equally creepy and cool. And a blind basilisk! Poor thing. I also loved this part here: “It’s one thing to know it in your mind, and another thing to feel it?” She nodded. “Yeah. That’s not a bad thing, you know. It means you’re paying attention.” I don't know why, it just struck a chord with me. <3
I haven't noticed any inconsistencies yet, but I also got a bit wrapped up in just reading this story you have here :P I love your characters and the relationships you're building up. Another great chapter!
Yes, Teddy definitely shows up in later chapters! He's not as present as some of their friends, since he's not at Hogwarts with them, but he comes up in conversations fairly often (especially since Fred is far more perceptive than Victoire in this area and sees exactly what's going on), and he shows up for most Hogsmeade weekends and during the holidays. (God, the holidays. Teddy is the biggest dork, I already have a couple of those scenes written and he just.)
I may overuse parentheses. :P
I totally see what you mean about seeing more magic in the menagerie - when I get the chance, I'll go back and try to add some in. I'm glad you liked what was there, though, and that you're continuing to like the story in general! <3
Okay, so I just had to read the next chapter. Fred and Vicotire are seriously great; I love their friendship and it's so clear how close they are, even as cousins. Fred's comments about Teddy cracked me up, and I loved that his reasons for noticing were "because I'm a guy". I don't know why, but I just thought it was hilarious. :)
I'm glad they made it to Hogsmeade, though! I'm very curious about their friends, Micah and Lexy. Micah's the Ravenclaw and is Lexy in Gryffindor with Fred? I'm interested to see how these relationships are going to pan out throughout the year.
I did notice one inconsistency, though. When they get onto the carriages, you write: As soon as they’d climbed into one of the carriages, both sixth-years turned to them and demanded, “Seriously, what the hell happened?” And in the previous chapter, Fred talks about being NEWT students. I'm not sure which age group you want to refer to here, so I thought I'd point it out.
Professor Longbottom! <3 <3 And Goldstein, I feel like I should know that name. Didn't he go to school with the Golden Trio? I sort of feel like they're not going to be in as big of trouble as Vicotire thinks they are, though....
I feel like saying "great job" is just going to be reduntant, but I seriously am loving this story so far. <3 <3
Ahhh, thank you for the double review! <3 <3
Fred's explanation for a lot of things around romance/sex tends to be "I'm a guy, so I noticed." In fairness to him, he does tend to be pretty perceptive, but I'm not convinced that being a guy has anything to do with it. :P Micah is in Ravenclaw with Victoire (and is also pretty perceptive with romance/sex - the roles are a bit reversed in their group of friends, since Victoire can be utterly clueless and Lexy just plays things pretty close to the chest), and Lexy is actually in Hufflepuff. Originally, I'd actually had Micah and Victoire in one year and Fred and Lexy in the year below them... but that's something I've changed.
Speaking of! That's definitely a little awkwardly phrased, yeah - thanks for pointing it out. <3 I'll go back and try to make it clearer. They are indeed going into their sixth year, though.
Goldstein did go to school with the Golden Trio, yes! :D He was a Ravenclaw in their year, and he joined the DA in OotP with Terry Boot and Michael Corner. (Way into the department of backstory here, but he was really the only one of the three to make it through the way mostly okay - one of his friends died and the other was seriously wounded and never really properly recovered. Goldstein wasn't seriously injured in the Battle of Hogwarts, though, and joined the Aurors for awhile before coming to teach at Hogwarts.)
Thank you!! <3
Hello my dear! Here with your review <3
Okay, so each chapter has me loving this story even more. I don't read too much Teddy/Vicotire, but I seriously love your characterisation of Vicotire and that she's not this uptight snob. I love that she's so loyal to Fred and was willing to take the brunt of it, and that Goldstein's form of punishment - for the time being - was to talk about classes and her schedule. Your characters really do come to life on the page, and this fic is seriously just a nice, well-paced, quick read.
And I may have squealed when you mentioned Seamus. Because I'm, well, you know. Me. :P
That branch of the ministry sounds so interesting, though, and might be perfect for Victorie. I also like that you're branching out of the typical "auror" or "healer" career paths that we see so often (and that I'm guilty of as well). And she wants to be an animagus? I'm even more interested as to why... I feel like she'd be able to pull it off, too, and I think Goldstein is worried about that.
So, I loved her relationship with Goldstein in this, her relationship with Micah, who she clearly is more comfortable with than the girls. But I also like that she listens to her friends and is excited for them; and you write teenage girls so well.
Okay, so I loved this chapter! Can you tell? :P And seriously thank you for dropping this gem into my review thread because I might not have read it otherwise.
I feel like I need to add this to my favorites if it's not already on there. Either way, I shall remedy that.
♥ ♥ Jill
SEAMUS I LOVE SEAMUS.
no like seriously, I love Seamus. I put him in charge of my baby division for a reason. He's a pretty significant character in a lot of my other stories, but he'll show up here eventually as well. Because he's the best.
Goldstein is very definitely afraid that she could pull it off - I think he sees it as about even odds that she pulls it off or that she seriously injures herself, or at least sees the latter as a definite possibility. He also (rightly) thinks that she will not have the sense to recognize when she needs to pull way way back.
Thank you so so much! <3
Hai! I'm back with your review <3
Geez, Vic, I get not wanting to hear about your cousin and his new girlfriend, especially if she's a friend, but lighten up a bit! I'm glad that she did towards the end, though, and it was a bit refreshing to see them argue. I love that Fred stood up for himself and didn't let her just get her way. It makes their friendship more realistic if they don't always get along, so I appreciated that.
Also, I imagine if there wasn't the whole war on Voldemort thing and Harry being the chosen one, Hogwarts would very much be like this. You write teenagers so well and their gossip-y natures just seems so natural. And I love that you didn't forget about Hugo and that she thinks he needs a bit more rule-breaking. :P
Of course Teddy would get into fights with people talking inappropritaely about Vic. :) #ishipit I like how Fred has a name for it (the Teddy situation) and that he didn't even realize he had kept it from her. Makes sense, though.
And I love Micah too and how he seems to get along well with both Fred and Victorie.
Anyway, I love this story and this was another great chapter. I didn't spot any inconsitencies in terms of content either.
Yessss, that's pretty much exactly how I wanted that to come across. Like, I do get where she's coming from - I think most of us would - but at the same time, it's not fair, and I did want him to call her on it, especially given how much he end up providing emotional support/advice to her about this sort of thing (which he is much better about than she is).
Thank you so so much! <3
Hai! Back with your review :)
Ooh, I love how Vic and Fred just get into all kinds of adventures, and I love the idea that they've wandered through the Forbidden Forest before. It's really no surprise at all because it seems very in character for them. And I love how curious Victoire is about everything and that Fred needed a little more push in this chapter than in some of their other adventures.
And okay, the banshee was super cool and also sufficiently creepy! It's interesting though that nothing really happened and Fred still managed to be totally freaked out - not that I blame him though because I totally would be too. I was able to picture everything in my mind from this chapter again and I just love your writing. <3
AND THE COMB AT THE END, OKAY. I have a feeling that this isn't going to be the last of the banshee. I can't decide if I wanted more from that scene (maybe like a word or something or a scream or some form of communication?) or if it was perfect on its own but it still sent shivers down my spine.
Another excellent chapter! <3
Yessss. I think the way I see it - and the way it will likely be articulated at some point in the story - is that Fred is good at finding pranks and mayhem, while Victoire is good at finding things that are genuinely dangerous and/or illegal. (Of course, as a tag team, they're good at finding both, which is why they give their heads of house such enormous headaches. :P)
I'm glad the banshee was sufficiently creepy! That's such an awesome idea to add something at the end with the comb - I'll have to think on what to add, but I think I'm going to add something. You are the best. <3 <3
WHAT DID HE FIND?!?!?!
Errr I mean, hai! Here for your review <3
So I liked the banshee follow-up. I think any kind of research in a story can be a bit dull (I actually just wrote some in my OF), but it didn't drag the feel of the story down. There was enough information that I want to know what's going to happen with this and I think it's going to play a larger role in the story for sure. Fred's humor is always great as is his banter with Vic; I like how you can tell that they're still close.
Also I love how you've expanded the Hogwarts staff. I can imagine the Next Gen classes to be larger than the HP era, and your version here is so realistic. I'm not sure if I've mentioned that yet but thought I should!
And as always, I'm super impressed with your ability to write teenagers as teenagers. I'm glad Vic and Juliet had a mature discussion about Fred and that there wasn't any drama about it, but I'm hoping that if Teddy makes another appearance (hint hint!) that Vic might feel differently about relationships :P
I didn't spot any inconstincies here. It's just another excellent chapter!
Thank you so, so much! That's exactly what I was aiming for - I didn't want the research to just draaaag on. (Summarizing vs. showing is still something I'm not 1000% confident about, though, admittedly.)
Teddy will make many many more appearances. In his next actual appearance (as opposed to a letter or two), Victoire will definitely feel a bit differently about relationships (no less confused, but significantly more anxious, because Victoire does not think before she does things - vague spoiler omgggg).
Ooh, so this is getting more mysterious than I originally thought it was going to and I love it!
I don't think it was rushed; I was hooked right in and was more than stasified throughout the chapter. And there was still enough intrigue where I want to know more, Branwen! What did the banshee mean when she called Vic "cousin"? Are they related? Or is she related to Fred, and that's why he's having such a hard time with the banshee thing? I definitely think there is something more to the Fred/banshee storyline and I can't wait to find out what it is. :)
And yes, the creepy part is sufficiently creepy, perhaps even moreso than the first time we see the banshee.
Also, I love seeing Vic grow as a character and that she's getting more tolerant of Fred and Juliet - even that she wants to talk him up a little more after seeing how brave he was in the forest :) And I also still love your characterizations of Vic and Fred; it's so clear why she's a Ravenclaw and why he's a Gryffindor and it's perfect.
I love this story (if you don't already know :P) and always look forward to reviewing when I see your request in my thread! And I'm kind of sad that I only have like two chapters left =/ Guess that means you gotta update soon!
Hello lovely! Here with your review <3
Did I know that Lexy was an Abbott and totally forgot? Because that's really awesome and it makes me want to know more about her. I mean, apart from the fact that she's a really interesting character and very close with Fred and Victorie, of course :P
So this does make sense. It's interesting that Goldstein's reaction is to just tell her what he knows about banshees - it makes sense, since she doesn't tell him what happened initially, and Vicotrie is definitely a curious student, but I wonder if he wouldn't ask more questions, like he did later on? He knows Vic has a history with troublemaking, and I love that he jumps into action right after she reveals about Fred, but I think that's my only item of CC for this chapter.
Neville's reaction makes sense. It's his student, and either way, I can definitely see him jumping right into things and I'm super intrigued to find out what happened to Fred. And poor Fred :( He's acting almost ghostly and I wonder if that has anything to do with it.
Also, I'm super curious about Lexy's reaction - she obviously knows a lot about banshees, or has experience, or something - but I love that she reacted so strongly to Vic's mishap in the Forest. Definitely seems like protective friend mode and I love it :)
I also love how to them, it's the book room - they don't know it's the Room of Requirement, but of course Goldstein does. And Fred, even in his state, can still make remarks like, "This usually looks different" to keep him very much in character. I just love your Fred <3
Overall though this was another excellent chapter! I'm sad that there's only one chapter left after this, and since the story's not complete yet, that means you need to update soon :)
Hello lovely! I'm up to chapter 10 :(
But also yay! This story is shaping up to be something I wasn't quite expecting, and in the best way possible. It's taken a darker turn which I love and I'm super curious about the banshee/veela relationship. Is that why the banshee called Victorie cousin in the forest? But then WHY DID IT AFFECT MY POOR FRED SO MUCH?!
I also love that Lexy and Vic have solidarity in NOT liking Juliet.
I want Teddy to make an appearance :(
Still though, I'm really apprecating this relationship that Victorie has with Goldstein - it's so real and so often not seen in fic, this sort of mentor type role, and I'm glad that she had a faculty member that she can trust and open up to a little bit. I really love all of your characters and their growth, and your little anticodtes - like the setting the Great Hall on fire with Fred and Lexy - just make everyone feel so real and wonderful.
Another excellent chapter, and now I'm going to bug you to update this soon :P