Renacerá - She will be reborn.
Harry Potter fanfiction author since 2006.
Reader. Writer. Cat lady.
wonderful banner done by Enigma @ TDA!
beta'd by & dedicated to WindingArrow.
“Get some sleep. Insomnia isn’t romantic.”
After a terrifying night in July, 1994, her life is changed forever. While Hogwarts hosts the TriWizard Tournament, Catherine Lawrence isolates herself into sleepless nights while she struggles to come to terms with her new reality. As she attempts to decipher if the voices and the ghosts haunting her are real or imaginary, Catherine fails to notice those who reach out. But Fred Weasley could be the one person to shed light into her fortress - if she can learn to let him in.
Emily here, reviewing for the 'Puff Special November/NaNo Review Swaps! It's been a while since I've started to read a WIP, but I'm so happy that I found this!
Let me stary by saying that your characterization in this first chapter was really lovely. I immediately connected with Cate and the struggles she's going through. She felt very real to me, and I liked that a lot. The other characters were good too, and even though it took me a little while to keep all of the OCs straight, I didn't struggle too much once I got their names down. It can be hard to start a story with an ensemble OC cast, but I felt that you introduced people very naturally, and I look forward to getting to understand them and their relationships to one another.
Secondly, the emotions here were wonderful. I could really feel the trauma that Cate is experiencing, and those feelings made me very eager to read on to see what happened over the summer with Cate, Chris, Rob, etc. It's so important to capture readers' attention early on, and you definitely succeeded at that.
Finally, I love that Fred and George are going to be a part of this story! They're some of my favorite characters to read, so I'm really glad they're here. I can also tell that Cate is really going to need someone's support to get through what she's experiencing, and I know Fred will be great at that.
I'm so glad that I found this story, and I'm excited to read on. Look for more reviews from me soon!
Emily, hi! Nice to see you on this story, as it's my baby <3
Thank you so much! Especially with my OCs, I really strive to make characters feel real as well as introducing them organically. Rather than being like "This is Rob my ex-boyfriend and Tommy my twin brother" I like to see you guys put the pieces together with Cate. I'm glad that worked here!
Yesss, Fred and George! They're going to be great in this story, and it's been so much fun writing them!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this first chapter, and I hope to see you here soon - thanks for the lovely review and organizing the review swaps!
<3 <3 <3
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For moonbaby11's Up For Grabs Challenge and the Every Word Counts Challenge
It’s like making love to a ghost.
The other person disappears in the act of becoming part of you,
and you are left with yourself, pure and raw and complete.
But there is someone else inside you, incorporeal but undeniable.
Review time for this year's Snowball Fight/review battle!
So, I don't know if I've ever read a James/Sirius story before, but I honestly don't know why I wouldn't have! This was really lovely! I'm honestly floored by your command of language and poetry. This read like a song or a poem or a prayer. It captured me with the feelings just below the surface. I don't know how to describe it, but I really felt like I was flying with Sirius with this sort of...desperation or rush driving me. I read this quickly, and then slowly. It was like the first time I had to get through it, had to know what I already knew he'd find...but then I had to go back and really drink in the feelings and emotions. You did an amazing job with them.
I love your characterization of Sirius and James, as subtle as it was. I feel like you really captured the dichotomy of James' dual life. I also adored the last few lines ("The home you made with her is ashes. The corners we hid in are gone. The shadows within me remain. Will the ghost of you still find your way there?"). The part about ashes for some reason really struck me. There's so much that our Marauders lost that night that is easy not to think about, but this story brought it front and center.
All-in-all, this was fantastic. I honestly don't have constructive criticism (I wish I did so this would be more helpful!). Wonderful job!
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Daphne finds Astoria in an abandoned corridor just before the Death Eaters storm Hogwarts.
“He’s on the wrong side." She raised her wand. "And so are you, little sister.”
What a dynamite beginning to this series! I don't even know your Astoria yet, and I literally love her. The line that made me Team Astoria, 100%, was: "Life wasn’t about valid excuses for cowardice and inaction; it was about doing your best to make a difference." I was basically cheering.
So, let's start there: characterization. I loved your Astoria unconditionally. I loved that she's a Ravenclaw. I loved that she has this strong moral compass. I love that her brother is a Slytherin who she looks up to. I love that she stayed. I honestly love just the fact that people stayed, especially underage kids (and all the Hufflepuffs over 17! because we are AWESOME.). So that was a fantastic start. Her voice is wonderful too, and I'm excited to get to explore her world.
Daphne is such an enigma here. I've never read stories with her, let alone stories that cast her as an antagonist to Astoria. So I'm really interested to see where you go with that.
Their interaction was so tense and realistic. I've been at odds with people before, and I've felt these exact feelings facing them down, alone. Not knowing what to say or do, your thoughts racing. I get all of that. So that was awesome.
The only minute CC I might add is to engage the setting more. What's the mood like around Astoria? Are the crowded hallways loud? Can she hear the battle beginning outside? Do people seem afraid? Etc. etc.
All-in-all, though, this was an awesome entrance into this world, and I can't wait to read more. Great job!
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Some scars last a lifetime.
Winner of round one TidalDragon's 'Knockout' challenge at HPFF
Ahhh, so much wonderful Greengrass interaction! I feel like I'm a part of this family right now, and I wouldn't have it any other way! Your characterization of the siblings is amazing, and I'm so attached to all of them as characters. They're all just so compelling!
I know you mentioned in a PM that you were sorry this was still in third person. I assume that's because you're switching it to first person eventually? I'll definitely reread when you do if you'd like! This is fabulous as is, though.
The only error I saw (though, maybe it was just Daphne not caring enough to remember) is when the sisters are talking and Daphnes is justifying forcing Astoria to leave the battle. And she says, "You were sixteen," but that's not accurate according to the other stories (which say that Astoria was fifteen).
I loved the depth you gave Astoria's entire sixth year in this story, despite it being skimmed over so quickly. The detail about the window being kept open crushed me. And the emptiness of their dormitory. And her fear of the dungeons. It was all so well placed to show everything Astoria has gone through. I loved that.
I also just love the emotions you were able to put into all of Astoria's actions, even running from Daphne and showing up at Brendon's. She's so broken right now, but I can tell that she's strong and she'll move forward in time.
This was really a wonderful story for showing the dynamic between the three siblings (and even somewhat their parents). I liked it a lot.
On to more stories!
He and I, we were infinitesimal.
For Connor & Tanya
So, this is the first James/Regulus story I've ever read, and it made me desperately want to search out others. This was so incredibly well written. It was stunning and beautiful, and I really, really loved it. There are so many wonderful lines that you crafted, but this one stood out: "I felt something in my stomach clench and thud, like a stone falling off a window-ledge." I literally know that feeling precisely, and that you put it into words is so amazing. So that's my first compliment: the writing in this story is STUNNING.
Secondly, the characterization that you portray for both James and Regulus (as well as Lily from James's point of view) is wonderful. I love that you captured James's mix of guilt and acceptance over what he had done to Lily. I love Regulus's uncertainty and loneliness and desperation. I really wish I could've read Regulus's letter to James at the end. I feel like I would love to see how he thought of their relationship. Lily was also wonderful. James knew she would be so hurt to learn the truth, but I feel like she also has so much compassion that I would love to see her own reaction to this.
The epistolary style was such a great way to portray this truth that James lived. I think it was really important for readers to see him looking back and justifying why he did what he did and how it's affected his life. I definitely don't think what he did was RIGHT -- cheating is definitely not okay! -- but I think a story like this needed his explanation in his own words.
Overall, I think this story was wonderful, and I'm so glad I found it. I think it will be the first I add to my Favorites list! Thanks for writing this so I had the pleasure to read it!
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It's not every day you find a golden snidget in a beautiful forest.
I've never read a Lucy story (I don't think), so this was a really pleasant introduction to her as a character! And this story was really lovely as a moment in a person's life, out of her comfort zone, where something really special happens.
I can absolutely see Lucy as Percy's daughter. I think he gets too much criticism, but I think he'd be a really good dad, despite inevitably influencing his daughters to be a bit stuffier than their cousins. Your characterization of Lucy was really nice, though. I liked that she was unashamed of liking the indoors and the work she does. It wasn't overstated, but I could tell she was happy with the life she had, and I liked that a lot.
I also loved her moment with the snidget. The only constructive criticism I might have would be to mention just how rare it would be to see one. (They were hunted nearly to extinction, weren't they?) Lucy with the snidget was so nice. I loved that, even as a bird, the snidget had a personality and added to the story and Lucy's understanding of something outside of her daily life.
This story felt bigger than itself to me. Even if you didn't mean for it to be there, I felt like I got a message about nature and comfort and good times despite being busy and having a life away from simple pleasures. Maybe I'm also just reading too much into this because my life has been so hectic lately, haha. Either way, I liked that "message" a lot.
Thank you for writing this. It was really sweet. :)
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Astoria has to be careful about how much she indulges her vices.
2nd place in the prefects' 'New Beginnings' Challenge | HPFT Ravenclaw SotM Best Characterization (Jan 2017)
Okay, finally we have some Draco/Astoria interaction! Yayyy! I'm honestly so excited about this, but I'll try to stay objective so I can be useful to you instead of just gushing.
So let's start off with a question that I had while/after reading this! First off, it was a little hard to tell the timeline in this story. How long has it been since Unforgivable? In that one, Astoria was sixteen, so it seems like this happens a while after that if she's drinking legally (She has to be at least seventeen for that in the wizarding world, right?), but I couldn't quite tell how much time has passed. Is she still at Hogwarts? Or is she out in the world now? If so, she's still living with Brendon? I just wasn't quite sure!
Characterization-wise, I loved getting to see this side of Astoria. She's been through so much, and it was so hard to see that she's struggling so much, but it was also so realistic. I thought it was good that you explained that she knows drinking is her vice, but she's accepted that in lieu of other self-harm. I felt terrible for her though, and I really do hope things get better for her soon (possibly with Draco's help, hmmm?).
Draco himself was quite good as well! He's so different in this from how I usually read him, but I liked it! He's not quite as hotheaded, and I liked that he clearly knows he messed up during the war and is trying to atone for it. The one line that I wasn't so sure about though was when Astoria asks, "You really are scared, aren't you?" and Draco replies, "Yes, Astoria." It was hard for me to imagine Draco admitting to being afraid that bluntly to a person who's essentially a stranger. I also wondered why he was so interested in talking to her or helping her in the first place. I understand that he knows and likes Brendon, but going out of his way for Astoria was a big leap for me. I'm interested to read more about your Draco in other stories to piece that aspect of his transformation together.
The settings you chose were very vivid, and I liked the fight in the Three Broomsticks. It was an intense first moment for Draco and Astoria, and I feel like it shows what they're going to go through together if they're going to stick with each other.
Overall, I really liked this. It was wonderful to read about their first moments, and I absolutely can't wait to see where this relationship goes!
Five months after the death of his love, Draco Malfoy spends Valentine's day with an old muggle camera and reliving his lost relationship.
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For the Throw Down the Gauntlet challenge.
I am so incredibly happy that I found this story. I can't wait to read the next chapter. Honestly, this was so lovely. You hit every high and low emotion there is, and I have to applaud you.
Your characterization of Harry and Draco is spot on, and I loved that you had Draco's Slytherin friends at the beginning and the compassion they showed for him. I loved the evolution of Draco and Harry as individuals and how they came to see each other differently to the point where they could be together.
The writing here is fabulous. I was smiling at Draco's antics and then holding back tears from line to line. I fell in love with this funny, happy Draco who likes to joke and flirt and be a better person than he was as a teenager. And the way you portrayed his grief was so potent and realistic. It tugged at my heart to see his desperation over losing Harry. I don't blame him in the slightest for his grief still being so powerful five months later -- in my own experience, it can last much longer than that.
I also loved the parallelism with Valentine's Day and its importance to their friendship and subsequent relationship. It made me want to see their life closer up, rather than just the lens after Harry's passed away.
Overall, this has been amazing so far, and I'm so glad I found it. Thanks for writing this so I had the pleasure of reading it! On to the next chapter!
Oh! Harry's alive! Oh my gosh! That's definitely not what I expected. The style of this second chapter was so different from the first that I read it twice just to check that I understood what was happening. I'm so happy that Harry is back with Draco, but I also really thought he'd died, so I'm super thrown off!
I think you did a good job with this chapter showing the guilt that Harry felt for leaving Draco, but I was still a little unclear on why he did it. It seemed like it was part of a work assignment? But what sort of Auror job would make you break up with your boyfriend? Was he pretending to be dead? I'm unsure.
I do wish this story went on longer! I think you really do show a great relationship between Draco and Harry, and I would love to read more. Thanks for writing!
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Crookshanks wants to find somewhere to sleep and rest his weary bones, but Ron and Hermione won't let him.
A fanfic of a fanfic for a challenge. A fanfic of GeorgiaWeasley's 'Time to Go' at HPFF, with her permission.
Can I just say that I love kitties so much? So, of course, I had to read this. Crookshanks is amazing! I loved that this was from his point of view and that we got a peek into what he does during the time when he's at home alone.
You write the perspective of a cat so well! I laughed so many times when Crookshanks was making messes and going places he wasn't supposed to go. That's so much like my kitty. You definitely captured the disdainful-cat(kneazle) voice perfectly. He definitely didn't care what anyone thought of him! And I loved the ending! Waking up Ron and then not even eating what he'd been given was wonderful, haha! (Though, my cat would never turn his nose up at food.) And then when Crookshanks goes and steals Ron's spot by Hermione--perfection.
The only constructive criticism I might offer would be to strengthen descriptions of the house from Crookshanks' point of view. Since he's so much lower to the ground than us, do things look different? Do they feel different under his paws? Can he see clumps of his fur on the carpets? You had a lot of really good descriptions here too, so this would just be in addition to what you've already written!
Overall, great job! This was really sweet, and I'm now going to go attempt to hug my kitty (which he'll hate, but I'll do it anyway).
I race around trees and over branches, chasing my prey with a deadly hunger, ready to be unleashed amongst the lightning and the thunder. I’m a monster and that’s all I’ll ever be, I’m a monster who simply wishes to be free. I’m going to make you pay, for all you’ve made me suffer, all the times you’ve kept me away. There’s no coming back for you now, you’re mine, mine, mine.
I've never read a Greyback story, but I'm so glad this was my first! This is so well written! Honestly, this read like poetry, and I'm probably going to spend paragraphs just talking about that.
Your writing in this story was phenomenal. The fact that you were able to capture the out-of-control feeling of a werewolf transformation in words without ever saying that's what the story was about was amazing. The rhyme scheme kept this flowing so easily while I read, and the fact that it was so much like a chase scene was incredible. I could almost feel myself stumbling through a forest away from a pursuer, but through the story you realize that there is no pursuer--it's in him the entire time. Eerie.
So, yes. The language was fabulous. It conveyed so much, but it didn't hit the reader over the head with anything. I also loved the characterization here. The fact that the werewolf within Greyback is a character of its own, distinct from Fenrir himself, is so interesting. The subtle additions of Greyback killing a girl he loved by accident, etc., were wonderful. I liked how the emotions of the wolf's bloodlust and Greyback's desperation fit together so nicely.
You really captured this story and situation. Honestly, such a good job. I wish I could think of constructive criticism, but it was really quite lovely. Thank you for writing!
Astoria mentions a chance meeting with Draco Malfoy to her brother over breakfast.
Okay, so it seems like maybe "Dead Eyes and Red Eyes" takes place essentially right after "Unforgivable." Or is that wrong again? Omg, I need to get my timeline straight.
Well, I liked that I got to see this conversation between Astoria and Brendon! I really do love their dynamic. And Brendon seems like such a good father. He's still really cool, despite being a dad, haha. So, characterization-wise, this felt good again! I love what a clear grasp you have on your characters. It's really nice to see an author who knows their people inside and out. The conversation between Astoria and Brendon felt so natural and seamless (something that I am so struggling to achieve in the edit of Collateral that I definitely envy your ability to pull it off!). They're clearly siblings, but I get the feeling of hero-worship from Astoria so easily, and I get Brendon's older-brother vibe just as clearly.
I loved that Johanna was in the background here. I've skimmed the summaries of some of your other stories and see that she'll show up as an adult eventually, so I'm interested to see how that goes when I read those ones! Here, she's just cute and she loves her dad. I like that.
The only error I saw in this was in a line of dialogue Astoria has where you've written, "Do he really get death threats?" when I think you likely meant "Does he..."
Other than that, another lovely story! I'm just flying through these! I love this universe so much already, and I can't wait to read more!
The house elves plan a special celebration for the victors of the Battle of Hogwarts.
Part of the Recovery series.
I'm so happy I found a house elf story that I actually liked, haha! I'm pretty awful when it comes to the elves, and I'm so happy this story was different. I'm a huge fan of Kreacher (who isn't, after the frying pan incident with Mundungus?), but I could never stand Dobby, and that's colored all the house elf stories I've read. So, congratulations on breaking that mold!
This was such a sweet little story. I liked that it was so fluffy. Post-war really needs moments like this. I liked that you showed Winky in a new light, how changed she was after the war. And I loved that you showed the care and attention the elves put into the meal for the victors. They'd all been through so much, but sometimes you really just need something good to eat and a moment with friends. So this was really sweet.
Your characterization of the elves was really nice. A tiny bit of constructive criticism might be that I would have liked to see more descriptions of the kitchens themselves: Were they damaged at all during the battle? Did some of the elves have to sit out of the food preparations because they were injured? Was the food still there or did some elves have to go out and get supplies? Etc.
Overall, though, this was so sweet and a really nice read. Thank you for writing it!
McGonagall hosts a Cat Fight Club in the Room of Requirement. Inspired by a tumblr post by ababelofprose.
This is Renacerá from the forums (previously DarkRose/DracoFerret11 on HPFF!), here to review for you for the MAGIC House Cup activity! This time's challenge is to write a rhyming review, so I apologize if this sounds ridiculous, but I promise it's sincere! Here we go!
A fight club of more than one cat:
Now where's the story in that?
Well, I'll say that I, for one, loved this!
It's funny and wasn't a miss!
McGonagall's character was flawless.
The kitties weren't hurt and fought clawless.
At times I laughed out loud,
and think that you def should be proud.
My own kitty, Gumbo, loves napping,
or else maybe he'd win by trapping
the other cats under his belly
which is weighty and wiggles like jelly.
So, as for advice, I have one thing.
It's minor, but to you help may bring:
The last line of the story says "severely,"
then two words later says, "severely."
Overall, I found joy in this story.
I'm so happy that it wasn't gory.
I love cats more than I can say,
So this honestly made my day.
Phew! Well, I hope that was a helpful (and somewhat entertaining) review! I really do think this story was both funny and very cute. Your characterization, though humorous, was believable, and the description of the Room of Requirement, as decked out for kitties, was wonderful! So vivid, and I know that Gumbo would have loved to hang out in there. The story was great. It's very unique; I enjoyed it a lot; and I'm glad I found it. Thanks again!
Oh, I'm going to go fix the double severely thing right now. I hate being redundant and repetitive and repetitive and redundant. Thanks for this nice review. I saw the tumblr post about this and knew I had to write the story, as I love kitties and love writing about them.
I really like the poetry and the review. I showed it to my wife and she got a kick out of it, too.
Scorpius wasn't sure if he was living life or drifting through it aimlessly.
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I don’t really know how I got to the point where I was entirely too drunk and alone in a Death Eater’s flat with him, but there it is.
2nd place in the prefects' inter-house friendship challenge
Hello again, dear!
This is such a fantastic addition to Draco and Astoria's story! I loved it so much! The two of them are advancing as characters both separately and together, and I love getting to know them. There were so many moments that I loved in this, and it's such a convincing moment that will move them towards a relationship. I wanted to "awww" out loud...but I'm on my break at work and that would be super awkward to the customers around me.
Characterization-wise (which you know I love to talk about), this was fantastic. I loved the moments of tension between them. They aren't quite friends, and I really adore that. They're both suffering, and they have that in common, but they're on an edge that they haven't quite fallen over (until perhaps the end of the chapter). I love that there's this distance between them that Astoria is so afraid and unwilling to close. She's such a strong person, but she's also been through so much that she's guarded, and I don't blame her for not wanting anything to do with a former Death Eater.
Your Draco is fantastic. I really, really love him. I wish I could write him like you do! *sobs* He's so dynamic. I can almost feel him taking calming breaths to not lash out like he would have done in the past. But he's trying. And that's such an obvious part of his character as you write him, which I really love. I also like that he's more able to open up than Astoria. I feel like he really wants to be closer to someone, and he needs her to be there for him to talk to. He's been through a lot, and he's not familiar with making real friends, but he wants to try because he just can't do this alone anymore. I just...sigh. He's just so lovely.
(Had to take a break and finish my work shift, back now...four hours later.)
So, the settings and plot here were also great. I liked watching how things evolved throughout their different meetings. I can see a tiny bit of trust building through their experiences, and I can't wait to see where else it will go.
The only CC I have for you is about the first line: "I don't really know how I got to the point where I was entirely too drunk and alone in a Death Eater's flat with him, but there is is." -- Is the end of that logical? It reads really strangely to me. "There is is" sounds like it should be "there it is" or maybe "there you have it" or even "there I was." The current line (which is in the chapter summary too) just didn't read right to me.
Okay, I think that's all I have about this one! Fantastic job! Sorry for gushing, haha. I just love your writing so much.
James Potter and Lily Evans. Five snippets showing the course of their relationship.
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I'm here to review for this year's Winter Wonderland snowball/review battle! And I'm so glad I found this story!
It's been a long time since I've read a Lily/James fic, so I was rusty coming into this, but I'm pretty sure you did a great job! I used to read a ton of stories about the times around when Lily changes her mind about James, and this reminds me of those so much!
You did a fantastic job with the emotions in this chapter. I loved the subtlety of Lily's realizations of thinking of James as "James," of how she was considering her appearance and noticing her heart speeding up around him. I also loved that James has clearly grown enough to not fight her when she's doing her job (AKA seemingly wanting to put Peter and Sirius in detention), but also surprised when she doesn't and chooses to do something nice for them. It's such a great moment where you can see the future where they're all friends and Lily has become a true extension of the Marauders.
The characterization of Lily and James was great (I especially liked James' mumbles about dropping Care of Magical Creatures)! I wish we could've seen more of Sirius or heard a comment he might have made to Lily when she caught him red-handed. Other than that (very minor) CC, I have nothing but compliments!
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Daphne let the Imperius Curse she’d cast on our sister slip because she’d known I’d see it for what it was.
And she’d been too slow.
Awww man, Brendon! You are so cool! I've seen you mention him around the site when you're writing things for him, but damn did I love reading his voice! This guy is awesome! I can't wait to learn more about him.
Your characterization was, again, fantastic. I loved the dynamic between Brendon and Daphne. This also gave me a chance to get to know both of them better. I wonder how the Greengrass parents raised three kids where one is so very different from the other two. I guess it's the same question you get when you think about Sirius and Regulus, but at least we know that Sirius was Sorted differently, which makes a difference. Daphne and Brendon were both Slytherins, so that's an interesting thing to consider...
I like Brendon a lot. I love that his Slytherin side comes out when he has a sense of justice he wants to support. He threatens Daphne, but he's doing it for good reasons and to support a person he loves. That's so Slytherin, and I can so see Draco acting that way (omg, I need to stop obsessing over Draco before he even comes into this story). And I like how underhanded Daphne is. She's such a different type of Slytherin, but she's an intriguing character and her actions make me wonder how she ended up how she is.
The subtle things you dropped in here (like Astoria's scars and the PTSD she experiences post-war) were so wonderful to the series. I can't wait to learn more about what all has been going on for Astoria and how this has affected her. I can't imagine the extent that it has, so I look forward to seeing your interpretation. I've been grappling a lot with post-war emotions in Rendition, so this will definitely open my eyes to other authors' interpretations too!
Great job here! No CC this time!
Onwards, I go!
Draco tells his parents that he has a new girlfriend. The conversation goes about as one would expect, given that his girlfriend is a blood traitor.
And so begins my "read absolutely everything you've written" craze! Away we go!
DRACO DRACO DRACO! I am so excited that I found this story. You know how much I love my Draco, and I am literally so excited to get into your head and explore your Draco. This is going to be so much fun.
So, to begin, I suppose I should say that I absolutely love your Draco. I love how nonchalant he is (which I feel really harkens back to canon). I love how exhausted he is by his parents (who hasn't felt that way? and we don't even have dynamics THAT dramatic with ours!). I love that he clearly is head over heels for Astoria (who I am SO excited to get to know in your universe). He was amazing.
In addition to that fabulous characterization, Lucius and Narcissa were wonderful too! They were so posh and annoyed, but trying desperately to grasp at something familiar. The only CC I have is about Lucius's last line though: I can't necessarily see him saying "arse." It just seems like such a "low" word for him to use. But other than that, great Malfoy parents!
Moving on from characters: I love the setting that you chose for this scene. I like that Draco isn't comfortable staying at the Manor. It adds such an element to his current relationship with his parents and how far he's come since the war. (Which, omg, he says he was on the wrong side of! Ahh!) So I love that you chose this pureblood-clientele restaurant. I would've liked a bit more imagery in the setting to ground it more, but I liked the concept a lot. (It reminded me of my Permanence scene with Lucius and Narcissa!)
The conversation that the Malfoys had was very real and solid. You did a great job capturing the dynamic between them and their individual places in life at this moment. I can't wait to read more of your Draco and Astoria stories!
Written for Dojh167's "The Totally Constraining Challenge".
Prompt: "Write a story where the first sentence starts with A, second starts with B, and so on."
A character exploration of Sirius Black, First Wizarding War Era. Completely experimental, completely short, and completely dark.
I was thinking of participating in this challenge when I saw it, so I was really excited for a chance to read an entry!
This was really lovely! I think you took the challenge prompt and excelled with it. The beginning letters weren't distracting, instead making this read a bit like poetry. You chose very vivid adjectives to start a lot of the sentences with, and I definitely felt like I was getting into Sirius's head. Despite its short length, you were able to craft a plot where I could follow Sirius's break from his family to his self-destructive feelings and actions, to the end in Azkaban. That was a great accomplishment! I also loved that this ended up being a Remus/Sirius story! They would've been such a good canon pair!
The only constructive criticism I have is in the second-to-last sentence. I'm not sure if you meant to, but you wrote "the rat got the better of me" instead of "the rat got the better of HIM." That was just a second of POV-switch that briefly threw me off.
Other than that, the story was great! Props in particular to your wonderful characterization of Sirius, as well as the unfailingly dark mood (which I am so here for!).
Hope you're well!