I'm forever_dreaming here and on HPFF, endless_dreamer on AO3 and cogitari on ff.net. thanks for stopping by!
Bravery comes in many different forms, even for a Ravenclaw like Rose.
Hey Beth! I'm here to (finally) complete your requested reviews in my review thread, even though it's been several months since you requested (oops—so sorry about that!)
So I really liked this chapter as a whole! I liked the introduction to the minor characters and I can already see their personalities developing. I find Al and James's personalities to be extraordinarily similar though—overprotective womanizers. It's slightly endearing, though mostly i'm hoping to see more layers to their characterization in the following chapters, especially as Rose's secret is revealed. I really liked learning about Molly too and think that her relationship with Wolfram (which is, in my opinion, a very fitting name for the character you've created) is sort of adorable. I think that all of these characters have already strong, well-defined personalities, and I'm looking forward to exploring their relationships with Rose.
I really loved meeting Scorpius for the first time. I can already tell that he is a good, stabilizing influence for Rose, being "the only person" who can calm her nerves (which is actually super sweet). But I really like that you didn't shy away from his personality flaws, like his temper; I like the idea that Rose can also act as stabilizing influence for Scorpius. I think that's a sign of a very realistic and shippable dynamic: where two characters help each other be better—not perfect, but just perfect. That last moment between Rose and Scorpius was honestly such a tender and sweet moment: two broken people comforting each other. I loved it, and already ship them.
The chapter felt a little slow as we were being introduced to the minor characters, so the sudden switch in action when the guy came onto Rose was rather jarring at first. I really appreciate how well you handled that; I think it's befitting that it was jarring for us, the readers, as it was clearly jarring for Rose. I also really liked the elements of mystery you move into this character; that was really unexpected. I'd thought that that character would be a minor character, but obviously, since he can apparate even when Petrified, he's more than that. I can already tell that this story is one of those stories that's going to surprise me often and be rather unpredictable, which makes it all the more exciting!
Overall, this was a great chapter. Characterization-wise, I felt that maybe James and Al felt too one-dimensional, but this was my first experience with them and I'm sure more layers will be added in the next chapters. Excited to read the next chapter! :)
YAY SCORPIUS POV. This was a pleasant surprise!
I really enjoyed reading from his POV; this chapter led me to sympathize with Scorpius even more. After reading about his childhood and family dynamics, honestly, I felt like hugging him because he honestly is such a cinnamon roll. I liked the description of his family dynamics; I think it offered insights on why Scorpius is attached to the Potters, and I wonder if loyalty to Albus and the Potters, as they seem to be his second family in a way, would prevent him from taking action on his obvious (and very sweet) feelings for Rose.
One thing I've been noticing throughout the novel thus far is how much the characters' personality traits are influenced by their parents' personalities. For example, Molly, in the previous chapter, seems like such a carbon-copy of Percy, though perhaps with a little more flirtatious-ability ahaha. Reading Scorpius's confrontation with his father, I was really reminded of Draco's petulance and his firm, unyielding beliefs; I really like seeing that Scorpius's beliefs are, unlike his father, more accepting, though. And I like that he doesn't shy away from bringing up topics that are obviously uncomfortable, like Draco's previous prejudices and behaviors. That makes him even more admirable. At the same time, that outburst, though admirable, felt petulant and capricious, and to me, hinted at his temper.
I also liked the flashback scene with Michael. OK, being perfectly honest, I didn't really like Scorpius's treatment of Michael; it seemed reflective of Draco's tendencies to use people, which Scorpius is obviously doing with Michael. (He even admitted it!). I mean, Michael just wanted to hang out with Scorpius and is rebuffing seemed so indifferent and apathetic... it really did remind me of Draco's mannerisms to some degree, and sort of reminded me that Scorpius isn't perfect by any means, showing me more negative sides of his personality. And even though I wasn't Scorpius's bigggest fan after his dismissive treatment of Michael, I still felt so sympathetic for him at the scene describing the sight of his parents' bodies dead. Not gonna lie, I almost teared up for Scorpius, especially because the last conversation he had with his parents was a fight... I can imagine that the angst from this conversation is a source for lots of his negative personality traits, like that uncontrollable temper. (That scene was also really well-described, and I seriously want to hug Scorpius now. <3).
Since you've asked about characterization specifically, I'll say this now: you've developed a wonderful character in Scorpius. His personaliy is a mulit-layered mix of fiery aggression (that can be protective and petulant), cool indifference and superiority, and sweet and gentle tenderness that only seems to come out only around Rose. Overall, he seems unsteady and morally ambiguous in all areas except one: Rose. I really love that—you've created such a fascinating character in Scorpius.
This was such a poignant chapter; I'm really excited to read the next chapter. Well done, as always!
The chapter summary made me laugh hahaha.
This chapter was really touching after the previous chapter. What I really liked about this chapter is that we really got to see Rose through Scorpius's eyes; through his eyes, we see the best part of hers. Rose is so wholesomely sweet and sincere. Her rambling about how difficult it was to get there was so endearing. And I really loved how she handled Ron; that felt like a very Hermione-like response :D Particularly, seeing Rose through Scorpius's eyes shows me how different Rose is now, and I'm really curious to know what happened to Rose to cause such a change her. She doesn't seem as vivacious anymore, though she's definitely just as loving.
I really liked seeing more of Rose and Scorpius's dynamic. My heart broke a little when Scorpius was so surprised that Rose and Al had come to visit him, like... they're his best friends, and that he didn't expect to come see him after his parents died just shows me that he's really used to being alone. (Which makes me want to give Scorpius a huge hug—my sad, precious baby <3). One thing that I would've loved to see more of was Scorpius and Albus's interaction—though I did like the line about Albus being a wordless emotional and physical support, in the way that only a best friend can be. That's such a true sentiment; my sister is my best friend, and I find that in times of need, her presence, without words or consolations, just her presence, can help so much.
I'm not a fan of Ron's reaction; I felt that his characterization was fairly realistic, though I'm glad that Rose pointed out that he, of all people, should understand why Rose and Al came to Scorpius's side because I was thinking that during his outburst. I also understand where Ron is coming from, the overprotective-dad-side that is maximized considering Ron's already sort of volatile temper.
One thing that touches me is the fact that Scorpius still calls his dad "Death Eater Dad", even after his father's death... that just breaks my heart, and shows me how terse their relationship was, that even after death, Scorpius still thinks poorly of his father.
Also that whole "kitchen accident" explosion feels like such a "sweep-it-under-the-rug" explanation. I bet there's something else going on there... :) I love the mystery elements of this novel; they're intertwined so neatly with the characters' interpersonal drama, and it makes this novel so exciting to read.
Loved this chapter. Well done, as always! <3
OKAY so the beginning of this chapter almost made me cry. The graphic depiction of Rose's scars made me sympathize for her so much; this was the first time, I think, that we were given a really direct hint at what she went through. Whoever this Stannous guy is, I really hope that he shows up later in the novel so that someone can kick him in the balls, and so that he can pay for what he deserved. What I hate about Stannous most, and what I found to be most tragic, is the effect that he had on Rose's self-esteem—her insecurities about her scars were so sad, but so realistic. They're especially tragic because they show me that Rose isn't comfortable with herself anymore, when the previous chapter showed a Rose that was vivacious and happy with herself. So yeah. The beginning of this chapter was super emotional to read and now I want to give Rose a big bear hug <3
This chapter made my shipper heart go CRAZY. I loved the revelation about Scorpius and Rose's sexual past and I loved that he hasn't been with anyone since Rose; I think, to me, that reflects again how Rose acts like a stabilizing influence for Scorpius, which makes their relationship even more endearing.
Scorpius and Rose's conversation really makes me sympathize with Scorpius even more. His regrets about his treatment of his mother really broke my heart; I can imagine him replaying that conversation, as you described in the previous chapter, thinking of everything he could have said, everything he wanted to say. Scorpius's anger at his father and his claims that he's just like his father were really interesting, since I noticed earlier in the novel that he is actually a lot like Draco in certain aspects. But I appreciate his self-awareness and his desire to change, which makes him different and better than Draco.
I liked the little touches about Scorpius's character, too, how he's always so proper. Honestly, drunk!Scorpius can be so hilariously adorable. I also have to commend you on how well you handled the switch from humor to seriousness; the conversation started out as sort of amusing, and quickly shifted to verious serious and sad, and ended on a really tender note—and it all flowed so seamlessly. It's really hard to do that, and I think the best part is that that sort of flow is very authentic and realistic. I don't think I've commented on this before, but your dialogue is really spot-on realistic. Personally, I struggle with writing really realistic dialogue, so I'm very impressed :)
Overall, this was a really fantastic chapter. Excited to read the next one! <3
OK YAY MORE ABOUT ALBUS. I was looking forward to something like this; I think I mentioned earlier that I felt his character was a little one-dimensional, and this chapter definitely proved me wrong there.
Your characterization of Albus is rather different than what I’ve read before. Love the idea of him being in Ravenclaw, clearly a superior house ;) I also like that he isn’t a totally rational Ravenclaw. I think that’s a stereotype of Ravenclaws that really falls with the “we’re-just-nerds” stereotype, when in fact, we are so much more complicated than that. Albus’s personality is also rather different than what I’ve read before. At first, I thought he was a bit of a cad because of his flirtatious womanizer ways—and I suppose he still is a little bit like that? But if anything, I see some of Ron in him in his temper and desire to prove himself. Speaking of, I think that’s a wonderful character nuance, because ya so true—he has a lot to live up to.
I’m so curious about this tension between Albus and Harry. During the entire duel, all I could think was: WOW THAT ESCALATED FAST. (Oh, and that the fuel was extraordinarily well written, which is so impressive because those fast action-packed scenes can be difficult to write well). I can understand why Harry wanted to make an example out of Albus, and I can definitely understand why Albus would be irritated—so that’s why it confused me that the situation refused as quickly as it started, that Albus acknowledged that his father was right. I wonder if there will be lingering tensions between them. That would be an interesting thematic idea: father-son tensions.
I love that Scorpius calls Harry Harry by the way hahha! To me that shows the degree of familiarity between Scorpius and the Potters and how he’s really integrated himself into the Potters—how the Potters are a second family to him, which is honestly rather sweet.
I found it to be an interesting choice to tell us abot Scorpius and Rose’s weekend together retrospectively, especially because it sounds somfreakin’ adorable. I’m just wondering why you wanted to do that? I certainly saw merits; this allowed you to focus on the aftermath, on the Scorpius/Albus dynamic, and inject a little drama into Scorpius’s revelation of his feelings (though I think that if Rose doesn’t know them already, she’s pretty freaking blind hahaha).
Thank you for another fantastic chapter! This story is so compelling and never fails to make me laugh and smile and think. (The last scene made me giggle hahah). Onto the next chapter!
I share everyone else's anguish over the fact that this is only a one-shot. Whyyyyyy? I need more adorableness! First off, I commend you again for coming up with such a cool idea. I've never actually stopped to consider where Sirius's nickname came from--I always figured it was something James or Remus might have called him--but this was such a cute and interesting take on that.
I also have to commend you for writing dog!Sirius quite well. I know it must be a little difficult to keep in character when writing for a non-human, but Sirius was still pretty much spot-on throughout the whole fic. I also liked how what was showcased was his compassion and loyalty--the reasons why a dog animagus is perfect for Sirius.
The ending broke my heart. How do you always make my cry with your fluff??? Fluff is not supposed to make people cry hahaha. This is definitely one of my favorite fics of yours :) Well done!
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"Friends til the end, remember?"
2015 Diadem Finalist: Best LGBTQA+ || 2016 Diadem Finalist: Best LGBTQA+ Character - Parvati || 2017 F.R.O.G.S. Nominee: Best Minor Character- Parvati || 2018 F.R.O.G.S. Nominee: Best Family/Friendship- Lavender/Parvati
Hi! Here for BvB!
I was super excited to see this on your AP because I love Lavender/Parvati. I really identify especially with Parvati. I mean, it's hard not to; like her, I'm an Indian girl with a twin sister haha! When I realized this chapter was about Parvati and Padma's sorting, I think I should've braced myself for the emotional impact this would have me on personally, but I didn't, so I was surprised by how emotional I felt after reading this.
I loved how you established the contrast between Parvati and Padma right away, right from the first line--Parvati is jittery and nervous, whereas Padma is curious and calm. They already show the characteristics of their two different houses, and I think that the way you showed that was really clever. I think in this situation, I'm definitely more like Parvati. I mean, I'm a Ravenclaw, there's no doubting that, but I would, like Parvati, feel a little anxious at the sight of the Sorting Hat, terrified at the prospect of losing my sister.
I really liked how you made Parvati acknowledge that she and her sister are different people too. I got the feeling when she was walking to the Sorting Hat that she knew that she wouldn't be sorted into Ravenclaw--which was probably why she had such trouble clapping along with the rest of the school when Padma was sorted. I think that was an interesting touch and a very realistic one too!
The only part I sort of disagreed with was Parvati's statement that they're more friends than sisters. I think that that's because I have a different understanding of what a sister is to me because I have a twin too, but I've always considered a sister as a step above a friend--like a soulmate in some aspects. I don't know however if Parvati would feel the same and this is honestly a little nitpicky and definitely influenced by my own experiences.
After I finished reading this, I was a little emotional because you captured Parvati's emotions perfectly. I could really put myself in her place, and maybe that's because I identify with her so much, but I think that even if I didn't, your description of her emotions would still make me feel just as sad. So, overall, I really loved this! Well done :)
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The war is over and the Dark Lord has been defeated, but as the Golden Trio return to Hogwarts to complete their seventh year, the scars of the war remain. Hermione has been appointed Head Girl alongside Draco Malfoy. With an unknown threat lurking in the dark, is it possible they can build a new path that leads them all to something brighter?
Hi, here for BvB!
I’m 1000% trash for a good Dramione fic and especially one with the Head Boy/Head Girl trope so I was really excited to start reading this fic. I’m even more excited now to keep reading it, seeing the interesting twist you’ve put on it! I love that you’ve put a secret between Draco and Hermione; I think that adds a layer of tension that’s definitely going to make this more interesting.
The scene with Hermione’s torture made me shiver and made me really angry too. I think you described this perfectly and I really appreciate how Hermione’s willpower and strength shined in that moment. I also liked the vulnerability that you showed in Draco there, something that I feel will likely be a focus throughout the entire fic, which I’m very excited about. I’m all for that, adding layers to characters :)
I think stylistically, it might be better to simply change the section that’s a flashback into italics. I think that’ll convey better that it’s in the past and in a different POV. Other than that, I loved it!
Heya Shreya! :)
Thanks for stopping by! I'm also 1000% down for a good Dramione fic all the time and haven't read many Head Boy/Head Girl tropes either, which is why I wanted to write one!! I just felt the need for there to be some sort of twist and secret between them where Draco is the one "in the know" and Hermione doesn't "know it all" :P (see what I did there?) These two are just so dramatic anyways, so I wanted to emphasize the level at which they'd be at with each other, which is why I felt the need to insert that scene into the Battle of Hogwarts to establish a connection for them that's just slightly out of canon. Draco is honestly one of my favorite characters because he's so complex and he totally deserved to have a redemption arc (but we won't get into JKR's feelings about him) so I really wanted to give him that here.
Thanks for the suggestion on the flashback scene, I might do that actually when I go back for some other edits I need to do in this chapter. I haven't actually looked at this for a good 18 months, so I definitely need to do so again. Thanks so much for your lovely review! :)
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Mum Friend (n.)- the one friend in the group who is always taking care of and looking out for everyone else; the responsible one
Unfortunately for designated mum friend Lyra Stebbins, she is about to find out that always taking care of everyone else comes with its own set of problems.
2017 F.R.O.G.S. Nominee- Best LGBTQA
Hi Claire! I'm here for BvB.
This fic has been on my TBR for a while and I'm glad I finally started reading it :) I really like the reference to The DUFF in the title and I think this is such a realistic concept, the mum friend (especially because among my friends, I'm 100% the mum friend).
So far, I really like Lyra--she's very witty and sweet and likable. I LOVE your characterization of Albus, Scorpius, Rose, Louis, and Roxy--I can already see their personalities sort of developing, which is pretty impressive considering I've only read ~2.5K. Usually it takes far longer for me to seethe wrsonalities of OCs or Next Gen characters.
I love that Lyra's working as a healer; I think it fits so well with her being the mum friend, feeling the compulsion to take care of everyone all the time. I'm wondering where she got this compulsion, and am generally very curious about Lyra as a whole. She's an intriguing and likable OC who I can really relate to, which is awesome!
Also, I ship her with Warrington... maybe because he seems sort of like a Mr. Darcy type character, and I have such a huge soft spot for Mr. Darcy type characters :D (And also because I'm the kind of person to ship two people after only one interaction hehe). :D
anyway, this was a great first chapter! :)
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Daphne finds Astoria in an abandoned corridor just before the Death Eaters storm Hogwarts.
“He’s on the wrong side." She raised her wand. "And so are you, little sister.”
Ohmygod this was heartwrenching.
OK, first off, I love Astoria. Your interpretation of her makes her so likable, and as always, I could hear her voice so perfectly, so clearly. I admire that she is guided by her curiosity; I think that's a very appropriate trait for a Ravenclaw and something that makes me relate to her and like her all the more. I also appreciated her logical moral compass; I think that's also a really Ravenclaw trait, letting her logic guide her rather than her emotions, and her logic naturally leads her to fighting on the side of the Order. I think the first scene where Celeste is running away but Astoria refuses to leave sort of drives that home. I also admire how brave that is of Astoria, even if she thinks that's the natural response. She's pretty amazing.
I'm really curious about Brendon! This is the first Greengrass story of yours that I've read (I think) so I don't know much about Daphne, Astoria, and Brendon's interactions—I'm definitely interested in learning more about Brendon and his motivations and why he gets along with Astoria more tha Daphne (even though, as far as I can tell, that might be because Daphne seems to me like a coward). I also had to comment on how well you established the difference between Daphne and Astoria, especially in their primary motivations. Daphne is self-concerned, a very Slytherin-trait. I think that Astoria literally said at some point in this fic that Daphne would do whatever necessary to get what she wanted. Astoria, on the other hand, is motivated by something more befitting of a Ravenclaw like her: curiosity. The way that that was shown was really neat IMO :)
Wonderful, as always! <3
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Some scars last a lifetime.
Winner of round one TidalDragon's 'Knockout' challenge at HPFF
Yay, I finally get to meet Brendon!
He is such an interesting character. As you've stated, he's really not a typical Slytherin—and that's interesting because his sisters seem to exemplify the other houses? Like Astoria is the quintessential Ravenclaw the way that we really should be seen, motivated primarily by curiosity, and Daphne is the quintessential Slytherin (ehh well, okay, this one's less clear; she's the quintessential /evil/ Slytherin). I appreciate Brendon's protectiveness—I think that he's motivated primarily by loyalty, which I think is an underappreciated trait of Slytherins and I'm glad that this is his main trait (as far as I can tell).
The bit at the beginning about how going back to Hogwarts was really hard for Astoria was honestly a little heartbreaking and I am so sad for her. I think you described it wonderfully though and so truely, really capturing the pain and the memories associated with certain places in Hogwarts. I really liked the bit about Celeste being the sort of Ravenclaw who only cares about her books (gives us Ravenclaws a bad name!). I like that Astoria is a brave Ravenclaw. Honestly, the two protagonists (that's what I consider Astoria and Brendon) somehow manage to stay completely purely true to their houses and yet, in doing that, blend other qualities of other houses (Astoria is definitely a Gryffindor-Ravenclaw hybrid and I'd consider Brendon to be a Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw hybrid) and that's such an interesting reflection on belonging to a House and how most people can't fit perfectly into one house over another.
OK, I'm rambling, but I also have to say that I really loved the last scene with Brendon and Astoria because it gave me some idea of perhaps a different sort of unforgivable? I think Astoria has been abandoned a little by both of her elder siblings (which is so sad), and Brendon's abandonment, to me, is more unforgivable than Daphne's because Astoria clearly looks up to Brendon and relies on him to protect her—and he failed to do that. I just love that level of nuance in their relationship.
Seriously in love with these characters ugh. So excited to read more; well done, as always! <3
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Let's just say that James's father did not exactly sweep his mother off her feet.
First off, I love the title and the tribute to one of my favorite poems. I think it fits this fic very well!
I feel a little guilty saying this (don't tell JKR) but I quite like Tristan and Isolda's names, better than Charles and Dorea. They seem to fit right with what I'd expect James' parents to be named. But what's in a name anyway?
what I found most impressive was your characterization of Tristan and Isolda. Their names are truly perfect fits to their personalities; Tristan is charming, a player, very much like James in that respect. Isolda is down to earth and spunky which I absolutely adore. Her quip about Tristan's blood was hilarious :D I was very entertained reading this fic because her voice bled through the words, which is really very difficult to do so bravo with that :)
i sort of saw elements of Jily in their relationship, which was really cute! Just the fact that Isolda is an expert potioneer and Tristan is a little arrogant (I wonder, has Isolda called him an arrogant toerag in her head? :D) Perhaps they're just superficial observations but considering that I love Jily, that made me enjoy the fic even more :)
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It's the harshest winter in a long, long time, and the war is taking its toll.
2nd place in lllb's 'Repetition' challenge at HPFF
Hello! I felt I was sort of obligated to leave you a review on this, considering the theme of the Winter Wonderland. I have to say that I loved your use of repetition in this. I think it helped to establish Marlene's mind-set; she's just going through this one day at a time, one step at a time. And that's a really interesting mindset because it doesn't seem to be the mindset of a hero, you know? But it seems really realistic because c'mon, they're in war—it's okay to be terrified and even upset when it seems like victory is nowhere near. And I really like that she's so concerned primarily with surviving; that's not very war-hero of her, but it's very human and realistic and I appreciated that addition to her character. It made her really relatable and all the more likable.
I also really liked the motif of the changing in the snowfall. That was a really clever way to show the change in Marlene's perception of the world and contributed to the simile of her being as "cold as ice". I honestly sympathize so much for Marlene, knowing everything she's been suffering through—her brother being gone, her father dead, her mother sick. She must feel really alone in the world, and that makes me understand and appreciate her perspective on fighting in the war much more. I have to commend you for creating such a realistic and likable character; even in the style of your writing—short, terse statements—I can hear her voice, her directness, which is really well-done!
Marlene and Gideon's relationship makes my heart ache so much. I love how in some ways, he seems to be a danger to her, and in other ways, she recognizes that he is her to protect her; she doesn't want to be with him because that would be "fanciful naive thinking" and there was no time for romance when they were in the middle of a war. At the same time, perhaps that's the exact time when people should be looking for romance because as she's said, she's living on borrowed time, and who knows if she'll have a tomorrow? I really loved that she considered Gideon almost pragmatically like, he's constant, steady, and he's a good duelist—he'll keep me safe. You really kept with the realistic arc of Marlene being primarily concerned with survival and I liked that a lot.
That last image is so sweet, so beautiful. Perfect way to end this.
Loved it, as always! Gotta say: you use these literary devices so masterfully. Like, wow. Learning so much reading your work. <3
We were meant to be friends, Remus. You know it, as well as I do.
Two children who grew up together. Two boys struggling on their paths towards adulthood. Two men faced with darkness too thick for them to get through.
A Peter/Remus story.
Set in the All the truth about Jimmy Portman's universe.
Hufflepuff Story of the Month - November 2016
Sitewide Story of the Month - January 2017
Golden Chalices Awards 2017 Runner Up - Best Drama
Golden Chalices Awards 2017 Winner - Best Minor Canon Character
FROGS 2017 Nomination - Best Marauders Era
FROGS 2017 Nomination - Best Minor Canon Character
FROGS 2018 Winner - Best Minor Canon Character
Beta'ed by Ysh (princesslily_36/Flaming Quilltips), with some help from Bianca (victoria_anne). Stunning banner by Kristin (Stella Blue). Love you, girls!
Hi Chiara! You requested reviews from me a looooong time ago and I only now had the chance to leave them; I’m so sorry for the delay, but I hope you’ll request reviews again because this was such a delight to read (and I’m super excited to keep reading).
Full disclosure: I’m a true Wolfstar shipper and have always been—and Peter has honestly always ranked highly on my list of least favorite characters in the series, while Remus has always ranked highly on my list of most favorite characters in the series. I was curious to see if I’d ship them together; it can be a bit difficult to sway me at times. I’ll safely say that after this first chapter, I understand Peter a bit more—or at least, your version of Peter.
I think one thing that I really loved about this chapter was the portrayal of the loyalty that Peter has for Remus. I think I’ve always wondered why Peter was classified as a Gryffindor—I believe he was actually a hatstall between Gryffindor and Slytherin. The argument that most people stick by is that Peter loyally stuck to his beliefs, that he was brave in his own convinction. I like your interpretation much better: he was sorted into Gryffindor because of his loyalty. As it appears now, Peter is extremely loyal to Remus and definitely super brave—standing up to Dylan Prewett and all the other neighbor children is definitely a Gryffindor trait. I think you’re doing a really good job so far of giving Peter a fairly portrayal, which I appreciate.
I also think your portrayal of Remus as a child is very good too. He’s a bit of a serious child, I see, which seems perfectly fitting for Remus; he’s also really frickin’ adorable which is completely IC. I sympathize with him so much for all the things he has to deal with even at such a young age—being a werewolf, etc. I can see why he’s so close to Peter, for his constant support. There’s a few things that I’m still a curious about/was surprised you didn’t mention yet—for example, how was Remus turned? (Maybe I’m forgettong something canonically though...).
I’m also super curious about Peter’s background. His mother being a Yaxley is super interesting and I’m sure that’s going to show up later. I’m actually rather amazed at her acceptance of Remus as a werewolf—I’d assume that she would have Pureblood ideals ingrained into her, so her open mindedness is a pleasant surprise. I’m curious to learn about her and whether she is one of the reasons that Peter becomes a Death Eater.
Lastly—I think you did a really great job with portraying children. Children are super hard to write but you captured the innocent simplicity quite well. I was grinning. Especially when Peter was so excited about the pear and chocolate cake (those are really good flavors; good taste, Peter!).
Overall, super well done. Excited to read the next chapter <3
Shreya!!! *wub* *wub* *wub*
Thank you so, so, so much for reading and reviewing all of this story, it means so much to me! And sorry if I'm only now getting around to reply (actually, I'll probably head to bed after replying to this, and then I'll take a while to reply to all the other reviews, but I just wanted you to know that all of these are super appreciated and that you are wonderful!)
I don't blame you for not liking Peter, I think nobody really likes him... but I've grown affectionate to him through fanfiction (mine and others') and now I truly, deeply love him (except despising him for what he did as a Death Eater and a spy... but, yeah...) I will confess that I'm not a Wolfstar shipper at all (I mean, I'll ship them if I'm reading about them, because I'm just a "I will ship anything if you write it well" sort of person... but it's just not my headcanon...) but I surely would never have thought about a Peter/Remus ship either, before this story. Now they are basically my OTP... *shrugs* (sorry for the rambling, btw)
I do believe that Peter had a deep sense of loyalty. And that he was also brave, maybe not always, maybe not as much as the other Marauders were, but he was in his own way. And of course the way he stood up to Duncan shows that he does possess those Gryffindor traits. I've always believed that his betrayal had less to do with cowardice and more to do with feeling abandoned, unconsidered and betrayed in turn. Anyway, I'm glad you are liking my characterization of him so far. :)
I love Remus! Like, truly, deeply love him! He's my absolute favourite character and he's just so adorable! And even more so as a child! I've always felt horrible for him being turned and having to suffer through lycanthropy since such a young age, the poor thing... :( I guess he's lucky to have such a loyal and supportive friend as Peter, at least... :P
And yes, I know... I think the primary flaw of this story (because of how I structured it) is that sometime certain bits are just skipped over, which might make it feel rushed or unclear at times... I just wanted to tell the story through small flashes, which means that sometimes I cut off things, even if they are important, and maybe just mention them very quickly and subtly... (this is true also about other things you mention in later chapters, and I apologize for it...)
I think that you already know how the Yaxley heritage is going to play into the plot... as for Mary, she was a bit the Andromeda Tonks of the Yaxley family, I guess? Like her life and friendships made her change her views and overcome some of her prejudices? I don't think she would like the abstract concept of werewolves, but having known Remus before the bite and seeing that he's remained the same child (almost) and her loyalty towards Silvia would probably make her accept him, even in his conditions.
Ah, thank you! Actually, I find children quite easy to write, they are honestly my favourite. I guess I've never grown up, so I can understand them pretty well... :P Anyway, thank you! <3
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, and I will hopefully be back to reply to the other ones soon!
OKAY CHIARA. This was an extraordinarily interesting chapter, and I have lots of thoughts, so buckle in.
First, I can tell that I was right about Peters mother playing a role in his eventual turn of allegiance from the Marauders to the Death Eaters. I’m really interested in the idea that Peter actually has no idea about his lineage; I can tell that Mary has probably been partially shunned from the Yaxleys, or voluntarily left them behind for whatever reason (á la Amdromeda Tonks, perhaps?) and it’s rather intriguing to me. When I read about Peter’s cousins wanting him to be Slytherin and Peter wanting to be a Gryffindor because of Remus, I feel like that probably serves as setup for a conflict I expect to see often throughout the rest of the story: Peter’s internal character and his family push him in one direction, but he is drawn in an entirely different direction due to his loyalty to Remus.
The sorting, actually, was my favorite part of this chapter. I think you showed lots of nuance and care in the description of Peter’s sorting. I love that Peter is for all intents and purposes a real Slytherin, that even he acknolwedges that he’s better suited for Slytherin—that he isn’t really brave in the way of a Gryffindor. I love that it was Peter’s conviction in Remus that led him to want to be a Gryffindor. Honestly, I think it’s rather romantic! I do like how at the end, Peter started to show some bravery, at least in talking to James and Sirius. I think there’s definitely also an internal conflict in Peter between his Gryffindor and Slytherin sides and I’m excited to see that play out.
Every time you mention Remus’s earlier betrayal of Peter, I get sad. Because I think that whenever/however Remus betrays Peter next, it’ll perhaps be the final turn that makes Peter switch allegiances? Maybe that’s just terribly wrong lol. I’m the sort of reader who likes to make all sorts of wild guesses when I’m reading s novel.. but don’t tell me what happens! I lIke to be surprised, heh :)
Last note because this review is getting a bit long—I really love that you’re portraying Peter as observant, but not really a genius. I think that is an interesting and very fair nuance, and seems really befitting of his character; it makes him actually pretty compassionate, which makes him all the more likable. But I enjoy that his compassion seems mostly directed to Remus; he doesn’t seem to have much affection for James and Sirius, and I’m guessing he’s only really talking to them because they’re Remus’s friends.
All in all, Peter is such an intriguing, well-developed character—and I’m loving him so far. Super well done, Chiara! <3
Hello, Shreya, dear! I'm back trying to reply to these lovely reviews (only three months later... :P)
Mary as the "Andromeda" of the Yaxley family is exactly what I was going for. She's never believed in the Pureblood values and she's been completely cut off after marrying a Muggleborn. So of course Peter never had contacts with that side of the family (he actually never had contact with any family except his mother). But you already know how his link to the Yaxleys will influence his future choices...
I think Peter is very much a Slytherdor. He's selfish and sort of manipulative, but he's also loyal and he can show bravery, even if not in the reckless way a Gryffindor probably would. And, well... Peter's relationship with Remus is his main motive (at least in this story) so of course he would want to be with him, and we know the Hat takes into acoount a person's choice. Anyway, I'm so glad you liked the Sorting, it was one of my favourite bits to write as well. :)
Oh, I love when people try to guess things! And well, that was a good guess, honestly! :P Because, yes, Peter's disappointment in Remus will definitely be an element in his switch... but once again you know this already...
I think Peter as observant is very fitting for his character. He's just the kind of person who prefers to stay in the background and evaluate things before doing anything, you know? Also, you have to be observant to be a successful spy, right? As for his relationship with James and Sirius... he's attracted to them because they are popular, which is something he wants for himself too. And I guess having only Remus as a friend, with all his isolating tendencies, would be kind of a lonely experience, so obviously Peter would want to reach out to other people, even if he doesn't really care for them as much.
Sorry if I got too wordy, I like to talk about Peter a lot... :P Anyway, thank you so much for your review and I'll move to the next one now!
Lots of love and snowball hug,
Ahhh. This has been my favorite chapter so far. I love Peter, but I have such a soft spot for Remus. He’s such a lonely, tragic figure—such a sad boy and all I want to do is give him a huge hug
I really loved the slow description of how the Marauders came to be; I liked that Remus was rather wary at first. I loved your descriptions of Remus’s wolf. I think it’s rather hard to do that and still maintain realism, but your descriptions of the wolf’s inner monologue were very well done. I really liked the slow transition from being wary to being happy. And I liked that in the previous chapter, Remus’s wolf could sense people’s negativity and their moods. I’ve always thought of Remus as a deeply empathetic character so this seemed rather appropriate!
OKAY BUT their prank was really truly hilarious? I’m dying here Chiara! I think that was clever and so befitting of the Marauders—and I think it was meant to be the moment they officially became the Marauders, yes, given McGonagall’s use f the word “marauding”?
One thing that felt a bit off to me—did they really master the magic of becoming an Animagus at this age? They’re quite young, aren’t they? I think it would’ve been interesting to see them struggling at it a bit—especially given that Peter isn’t that great at magic either. Either way, that final scene was so heartwarming, and I’m still smiling like an idiot when I think of it. So sweet—and I’m sure that sort of unconditional acceptance really sealed their brotherhood.
Super excited to read more, and well done per the usual! <3
Hi again! :D
Aww, I know... Remus is such a tragic and sweet character, isn't he? You can hug him as much as you want. <3
I'm so glad you liked Remus' inner wolf. I've always imagined lycanthropy as having the human part and the wolf part constantly present, with the wolf part being like the more istinctive, subconscious part or something like that. And yes, I do agree that Remus is a very empathetic character and I think that his wolf instinct would accentuate that.
Yeah, that was when they officially became the Marauders! :P I actually got the idea from Ysh's story (in her story they got the nickname from Peeves after a pretty spectacular prank, so I sort of stole her idea...) I'm so glad you found the prank hilarious, I did have a lot of fun with it. :P
Okay, I think this needs a bit of an explaination... I think I mentioned this already when I replied to your first review, anyway... the time range of each chapter varies a lot, from a few weeks to several years. This chapter starts when they are only a few months into Hogwarts and it ends when they are at the end of their fourth year. I've only shown scenes that I felt were important to the plot and characters' development, but I've obviously cut a lot that might have been just equally important. I'm sorry this caused some confusion... Anyway, I'm so glad you liked the final scene, the friendship among them is just so special and the main reason I love the Marauders so much!
Thank you for another wonderful review!
AHHH. This chapter was so so intense. I think all the chapters have been crazy like that though.
I loved how you treated Remus’s realization of his bisexuality. I liked that it came from small things, noticing guys and girls equally a bit more; what I liked even more was his confusion over it, the natural processing of questioning. I loved that throughout the chapter, Remus interacted in a romantic/sexual way with both girls and guys. Overall, I think you portrayed this in a very realistic and accurate but more importantly very sympathetic way, which I really loved. I also loved how Remus’s father reacted—what struck me most was how bewildered he was that Remus felt he didn’t deserve love.
I think that’s a really powerful statement because I think lots of queer people sort of have this idea thrust down their throats and I like that Remus’s father called it out for being totally bogus. I think my consideration of the Wizarding society’s view of lycanthropy as similar to AIDs really made that all the more emotional. I thought Remis’s coming out scene in general was highly emotional but exceptionally well-handled. Superb job.
I havw to commend you on your ability to shift tone so quickly, so effortlessly, so seamlessly. I was laughing and smiling during the boys’ discussion of the Marauder’s Map but at the first description of Mary’s body I immediately stopped laughing. It was a rather vivid shift too; I could imagine that, if I were watching this as a movie, the music would shift/stop suddenly, and it was rather appropriately dramatic. One thing I’d say, and this sort of applies to Lily and even the boys a bit too, was that I couldn’t really feel that much for Mary’s attack because I didn’t really know her as well as a character.
I know several years have passed since the last chapter, and I sort of wish there had been some mentions of those years as I think they were pretty formative years in terms of the dynamics between the characters. For example, I wanted to see a bit more of Remus actually starting to see Peter in a romantic light. The more major thing for me would be Remus becoming friends with Lily and her friends; I think at the end of the last chapter, they perhaps wouldn’t have been on friendly terms because of the prank? It just felt a bit abrupt to me! I will say that further in the chapter, I could sense more camaraderie, so perhaps I was just a bit slow to pick up on it.
I was incredibly touched by the scene with Regulus and Sirius. I could really sense Sirius’s frustration, watching his brother slip away right in front of him, so blind. You’ve done such a good job of describing Sirius’s relationship wth his family—that he’s proud to be a Black but not in the sense that he shares their values but just in the general sense of loyalty to his family as an entity beyond their beliefs. (I’m not a 100% sure hat makes complete sense lol. I’m sorry, it’s rather late for me and my review is slowly turning into gibberish...)
Okay, now my favorite part. THE KISS. Before I even talk about the kiss and the aftermath, I gotta say: Peter’s jealousy was super freaking cute. I like that his irritation was expressed by his claims that Dorcas was an opportunist; that makes so much sense considering Peter’s intense loyalty to Remus. The kiss itself was delightfully awkward and romantic and I just reread it like ten times, cooing and gasping the entire time.
One thing I appreciate about Sirius is his bluntness. I think that if he and John met, they’d be smashing friends. Honestly, I love that Sirius spoke with so much candor, not taking any of Remus’s BS—I think it’s very well-characterized that Remus, so prone to self-flagellative behaviors, would deny himself love because he was scared or felt he didn’t deserve it. I’m glad Sirius was able to tell him how much of a frickin’ idiot. Remus and Peter’s reconciliation at the end and their confessions were just.... my shipper heart has exploded into a thousand pieces. I’ll have to go try and collect those pieces after I’m done with this (seemingly never ending) review, but I fear I’ll never truly recover.
All in all, Chiara, you’ve made me feel soooo many emotions in one chapter, and I have to commend you in that. You capture all the nuances in these dynamics so well, I’m really envious. I wish I could write as well as you! Lovely, lovely chapter—per the usual. I’m off to sleep now, but I’m sure I’ll have the sweetest dreams (and I’ll be back to read more tomorrow!)
Well done <3
I'm so glad you liked the way I portrayed Remus' bisexuality here, because this was my first real attempt to write LGBT and I was really, really nervous about it. So knowing that it felt authentic and sympathetic was a big relief for me. :) And yes, Remus' Dad is just great! And of course he was bewildered that Remus thought he didn't deserve love... it makes me so sad to think that Remus would have such a low opinion of himself... (even if I can understand how the confusion about his sexuality and lycanthropy combined would make it so hard for him...)
I'm sorry for the mood shift... what happened to Mary was truly horrible... :( And I'm also sorry if the lack of background kind of dull the emotional impact a bit. I know I should have probably given the girls more space in the previous chapter, but as I said I've tried to focus only on specific instants and the last chapter was meant to focus mostly on the development of the friendship among the boys. I realize how that's a limit of the story, though... I think that the boys and the girls were mostly on good terms (except maybe Lily's annoyance towards James) but that they didn't really mix up that often, if that makes sense? So Remus and Lily would have a friendly conversation if they happened to be together (like in the scene right after the Prefects meeting) but wouldn't really spend time together?
I love Sirius' and Regulus' brother relationship! I've always thought that they cared for each other very much despite having very different views and it's very sad how their relationship got ruined in the end. :(
I'm so glad you liked Peter's jealousy... and the kiss!!! I remember holding my own breath when I wrote that. I was Skype-ing with Bianca, Ysh and Renee and I was just like "Oh, my god! Peter's going to kiss Remus!" I'm so glad you could feel the emotions in that scene!
I love Sirius! Like, Siriusly do! :P And Remus definitely needs someone to tell him that he's being an idiot... I'm so glad you liked their conversation, as well as clarification between Remus and Peter at the end. Sorry for your heart... (okay, no, I'm not sorry...)
Hope you had the sweetest dreams! :D I'll be back to reply to more reviews after lunch.
Lots of love!
Hello Chiara, dear! Here to leave more reviews :) I’ve been thinking about this story all day actually and am so glad I finally had the chance to come back. I apologize beforehand for any of my horrifying spelling errors; it’s rather late here and my brain really wants to sleep but my heart won’t let me until I’ve read at least a few more chapters! Hehe :D
One thing that I really appreciated about this fic was how it started off with a depiction of how easy and effortless the friendship between the girls is—how they get along supremely well, and then essentially was followed by the dramatic, petty fighting among the boys. It made me laugh a little bit also I think it just generally reflects that the idea that girls can’t really be friends with each other is just wholly false. It was a really nice juxtaposition; I thought it was quite clever of you!
Also clever—the title of this chapter! I realize I haven’t been paying much attention to the chapter titles haha, but this one is so stunningly appropriate. I think what was most painful for me was how quickly the heartbreak escalated. In the second mini-section of this chapter, James and Sirius were joking about James hexing Snape, honestly making light of his dislike of Snape. But in the last section, they definitely weren’t laughing about it anymore—and so much else had changed. The Marauders had sort of fractured. I think most other fics I’ve read have shown the Marauders banding even closer together after the incident with Snape, defending Snape; this idea that they might have broken apart due to ideological differences is both extrmely compelling and makes so much sense. Chiara, your insights into these characters continue to amaze me :)
I think one thing that frustrated me this chapter was the pettiness between Remus and Peter, how they started dating other people to make each other jealous, etc. Even the name calling from James made me want to punch him and Remus pushing Peter away after Snape discovered that Remus was a werewolf just made me want to shake some sense into that handsome idiot (I’m shre Peter was feeling the exact same way hehe). I love how you’re maximizing on each of these characters’ faults and how you’re not shying away from these traits at all; I think as writers we feel compelled to make our characters seem ultimately redeemable and likable, but here, they were all rather annoying and frustrating for some reason for the other.
As a whole, I thought that this chapter was extremely well crafted and I really loved reading it. Thanks for sharing. This story makes me think so much! Loved it <3
Welcome back! :P I'm so glad you are so invested in this story! I can't even begin to tell you how much your love for this means to me! <3 <3 <3
Honestly, I think girl friendships are wonderful. I'm so glad you enjoyed that first scene, I just really wanted to give the girls some space because I felt I hadn't done a good job at it before, but I'm just happy that you liked their friendship. :)
As for the chapter titles... I just wanted each chapter to represent a "season" of their personal growth, if that makes sense. And yes, I guess this chapter is quite heartbreaking... :( Most of the stories I've read about the Willow incident have been featuring the "break up" between Sirius and Remus, actually. Which makes a lot of sense because Sirius didn't endanger only Snape that night, he might have put Remus in trouble with the law, without considering the guilt he would have felt if he'd actually hurt Snape. Here other dynamics came into play, which made the fracture even wider and involved all four of them in different ways, but still I think that the Willow incident would break them apart, and that some time would have to pass before things got back to normal.
All of them have their flaws and all of them kind of got to their lowest in this chapter... (well, except Peter... he can and will get much lower than this... but anyway...) Btw, if you are interested in understanding a bit better James' reactions in this chapter, you could read my one-shot Shattering, dying, healing (sorry for the shameless self-promotion...)
I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and that it gave you something to think about, I feel like that's such a huge compliment!
Thank you so much again! <3
CHIARA PLEASE MY HEART CANT TAKE ANYMORE CHAPTERS ENDING WITH SUCH DRAMARIC MOMENTS.
Before I go to the ending, I do want to talk about the rest of the chapter a little bit. It made me so so happy that the Marauders patched things together. I think it’s a really mature and even an optimistic idea that Peter and Remus could still be friends and that Peter could still have a really serious relationship with someone else—I still hope that they’ll get back together, but obviously, that’s just my shipper heart being desperate af. I really did love the scene with Peter and Leander; Leander didn’t have much character in the previous chapter but he seems genuinely caring and genuinely loves Peter, which makes it really hard for me to hate him.
I think my favorite scene in this chapter was definitely Remus at the hospital and then his friends at the Atrium. I could really envision them and they were hilarious and such brilliant friends—sticking together, despite it all. I really really loved it. Another scene that touched me was Sirius leaving his family. I think his conversation with Regulus possibly splintered my heart into a million pieces and I’m still recovering, heh. I think you handled the emotional subtletities in that scene really well—how both Sirius and Regulus were just so convinced they were right, but couldn’t convince the other that family was more important than their ideologies.
OKAY NOW THE LAST SCENE. This was quite intense. I think what would’ve helped a bit would’ve been if Peter had talked to Alistair a bit throughout his Hogwarts years so that Alistair didn’t seem to reappear out of nowhere? I did think that Peter was so exceptionally brave in this scene. To me it served as validation that he does belong in Gryffindor, in the same way that I’ve always felt that Neville belongs in Gryffindor: not necessarily because he’s fearless, but because of his strength of conviction and his undying sense of loyalty. Gosh. I might actually be a bit won over by your interpretation of Peter. Well done, Chiara—as I mentioned before, he’s always one of my least least favorite characters, but this multi-dimensional view of him is so compelling and likable.
Wonderfully done, can’t wait to read the next chapter! <3
Oh, I couldn't keep my boys angry at each other for too long... I'm glad you liked their reconciliation, even if they didn't get back together. And yes, Leander does genuinely care about Peter (he's a Hufflepuff, after all...)
Ah, they are such great friends! I'm glad you liked their protest! And, yes, I know, Sirius and Regulus... as I said before, I believe they really loved each other and only wanted each other's safety, but their ideologies inevitably pulled them apart. :(
Yes, I know, I should probaby have given Alistair more space... I don't think he would have actually interacted with Peter much at school, anyway. He would have mostly studied him from a distance, wondering if he could eventually become useful later on... anyway... I'm glad you liked Peter's response, he truly did show his Gryffindor-ness in this scene. And I'm kind of proud that I'm making you like him a little, despite your (totally understandable) dislike for him.
Ahh confetti, yes! This chapter just really made me happy. I think that I expected a bit more conflict after the events of the previous chapter, but instead, it was refreshingly light. I think I should let you know none that this fic makes me laugh laufh much. I love the serious/Sirius jokes, I love the sly, witty humor—you’re so clever, Chiara, and this fic never fails to make me giggle (which in turn annoys everyone around me haha).
Really, though. This chapter felt like a testament to a celebration of the Marauders’ friendship with one another and their other friends, that they tested on this precipice in their lives where everything was changing so fast and yet, their friendship stayed so constant. It’s truly a lovely idea.
one small note of concrit: the scene by between James and Lily was super adorable, but I couldn’t really sympathize with their grief too much, because I didn’t know too much about their relationships with the people they lost. I think some more development of that would have been lovely. Generally though, you’re doing a good job making sure that these characters don’t play second fiddle to Peter and Remus and their story, but instead serve to enhance that story.
Overall, this was a brilliant chapter, and i loved it very much. Excellent job, Chiara! <3
I'm so glad you liked the celebration of the Marauders' friendship in this chapter. And I'm also glad I could make you laugh throughout the story. (I love Sirius/serious puns way too much...)
This is a big turning point for them, they are leaving school and entering the adult world and the reality of the war, and I just wanted to give them some last happiness and a goodbye to their adolescence that was worth them. And yes, also show how their friendship is still strong and stable, at least for now.
Yes, I know... too many omissions... if you want to know more about James' loss, again you should read "Shattering, dying, healing". It doesn't really say much about who Aaron was, but it gives some depth to his relationship to James and how James saw him. Anyway, I'm glad you like the "secondary characters"'s role in the story.
Thank you so much for another amazing review!
Chiara, please, all these cliffhangers basically break my frickin’ heart uGH.
Okay, this chapter was, always, a fantastic read. I’m really amazed by how well you’ve characterized Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus; I thought that their responses to all the things that they had to do in this chapter were perfect. I like that Sirius and James were bolder and more aggressive at the Auror training and Order meetings—that they jumped right in.
I loved Peter’s fear. As I’ve mentioned before, he really isn’t the typical sort of Gryffindor, fearless and bold; he isn’t James and Sirius. I think his fear during battle was perfectly reasonable and so human—and omfg. I love that Remus calmed him down. These two have such a strong bond with one another; I only wish that Remus would be more selfish from time to time and would actually listen to the people who love him.
Speaking of Remus, I really liked his conversation with Leander. I mean, I sort of want to punch Leander in the face for accusing my baby of supporting Voldemort, but also—that sort of paranoia is so reasonable during war, and I think you portrayed it well.
The scenes with Lily and James’s wedding and the pregnancy announcement was actually sort of bittersweet. It was sweet because they were truly touching, lovely scenes, but also bitter because i could sense Peter’s disillusionment, that he won’t find similar happiness without Remus. It was also bitter for me because that means this story is coming to a close soon and that’s so sad :( I’m not ready for it to be over!
Really, really well done. Loved it <3
Erm... sorry... I had to put that cliffhanger at the end, though...
I'm so glad you like the characterization of my boys and their different reactions to the war and everything going on. I do believe that James and Sirius would be the ones to just jump right in and I'm glad you could see that too.
Peter isn't that kind of Gryffindor. And I can totally imagine him panicking in battle (I probably would, too...) He and Remus do have a very strong bond, and yes, I wish Remus would just grant himself some happiness too... :(
Leander is just... doing his job. Which doesn't really excuse his attitude but... he's trying to do what he thinks is right at the best of his possibilities... but, yeah, he was kind of horrible to Remus and he could easily have not been so...
The wedding and the pregnant announcements were definitely bittersweet. I think even happy events like these would still be saddened by the war's events. And of course Peter isn't in a happy place right now and he feels kind of cut out... :( And yes, the story is coming to an end... and I guess I should apologize in advance for what's to come... :(
Thank you so much for another wonderful review! These really filled me with happiness!
OH MERLIN, CHIARA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. MY HEART.
Okay, before I start talking about this chapter, two things. I forgot to mention in my review for the previous chapter how much I absolutely love that Mary is gay for Lily (tbh I suspected it this whole time but I wasn’t sure if I was over-reading or if I was just projecting haha). Also I think this is the 100th review in this story—so i’m going to try to make it a really good one, okay? :)
This chapter was really, really intense. I know I’ve said that about pretty much all the other chapters too, but this one in particular just had so much going on in terms of Peter’s internal conflict. I think that Peter’s Gryffindor and Slytherin sides warring have definitely been a motif throughout the story but it was especially apparent here.
To some degree, I really really hate Peter. I completely understand his self-preservation instinct; it’s natural and it’s a part of him and it makes him human. But when he’s had the chance to experience genuine love, I always imagined that maybe he’d make a different choice—that he would be brave enough to overcome that self-preservation instinct and be as self-sacrificial as, for example, Remus.
The scene wth Dorcas really broke my heart. I think that your descriptions there were really lovely, and I love that you had Peter feeling so much pain too, like he is also suffering from his own cowardice. I’m so glad you portrayed Peter’s discomfort kissing Remus after that—the stab of guilt. At the same time though, Peter really wanted Remus’s love and I can’t help wondering if maybe he was slightly okay with hurting Dorcas because of her relationship to Remus. We saw earlier in this story that they can both be so insanely petty like that.
I think the scene that really shattered my heart to pieces was the final scene when Peter betrays Lily and James. I think other fics I’ve read and definitely the books make his decision seem easy and remorseless, like he wasn’t physically pained by it; I can see in this story that he only broke because of the pain. I really love that, this acknowledgement that humans have a natural capacity for pain. Peter is so deeply human and so flawed; he’s turning out to be this extremely well-developed, complex, morally grey character, and I have to commend you on your excellent characterization.
Final note: I’m so sad that this is the penultimate chapter. This story has been a wild ride, but every chapter has been so well-written. I’m excited to read the last chapter and to see if Peter can be redeemed somehow. Superb job! (and congratulations on your 100th review!)
Loved it. <3
Ahahah! I had no idea Mary was lesbian until she told Peter, so apparently you know my characters better than I do... :P
And yay! 100th review! I suppose I should give you a prize for it! :P
This was quite an intense chapter, and yes, I think the inner conflict between Peter's Gryffindor and Slytherin sides reached its peak here.
I really don't blame you for hating Peter. What he did here, especially regarding Dorcas, is inexcusable. He could have make different choices but he chose himself over the others. And yes, obviously what he did to Dorcas was also partly dictated by his jealousy and the desire of having Remus for himself. At least he had the decency of feeling guilty afterwards...
I'm glad that you were touched by the betrayal scene. I don't think that it would have been easy for Peter to give James and Lily away, I'm sure it would be a suffered decision and that he would feel deep guilt and pain for it. Still, it was his decision and I'm not excusing it. I'm so glad you liked my characterization, though. Peter is deeply human and I think sometimes fanfic writers tend to forget it...
Yes, this is the penultimate chapter... I'm so, so glad you have followed all the story and I'm moving to your last review now!
Lots of love, darling!
Omfg. I guess it’s only fitting that this last chapter was just as emotional as the others.
First off, Chiara, this plot twist at the end—oh gosh. I didn’t expect it all, but it’s ingenious. I’m so terribly sad for Neville, but so happy that Harry gets a second chance and that Lily and James do too, with their second child. I feel such deep sympathy for all the characters who have lost so much in this story; Mary and Silvia are the ones I feel for most, and I think that showing them again really connects this final chapter to the first chapter to show how much has changed.
Chiara, you’ve spun such a beautiful and highly emotional tale; I’m still reeling from all the betrayals and all the romance, the wide breadth of emotions that this story made me feel. I think what I love most about this story is the idea of redemption—without ignoring or underplaying the crime. The amount of pain and anger in this chapter makes it clear to me that Peter’s betrayal isn’t forgiven and that it won’t be forgiven easily, even if he did save Harry—but that he did save Harry and that he did come clean means that he gets a second chance. I think on a larger scale, this entire story has been doing that; you’ve so faithfully portrayed Peter, all his negative characteristics—but you’ve also brought light to his more positive characteristics and his motives for doing what he did, all which are understandable and perhaps even, eventually, forgivable.
All in all, this story has been such an amazing read. Thank you so much for requesting reviews from me; I’ve loved every second of it and hope to come back for a reread at some point. I’m also hoping to read Jimmy soon too because I’m not ready for Peter and Remus’s story to be over.
Great job. You should be super proud of yourself for this. Absolutely loved it <3
I'm so glad the epilogue felt just as emotional as the rest. I'm so glad you liked the twist at the end and how everyone is granted a second chance (but yes, poor Neville...)
I'm so glad you felt that connection with Mary and Silvia, too. I literally cried when I wrote that scene. I think it's one of the most painful things ever for a parent to realize that their child is not a good person... :(
I'm so, so glad you liked the story as a whole and the theme of redemption and how I portrayed Peter. He's not a good person and will never be, but he's still human and he has his good qualities and his reasons for doing what he did and he's at least trying to remedy to his mistakes. And I'm glad you could appreciate this.
Thank you so, so, so much for all of your lovely reviews! I can't begin to tell you what it means to me that you decided to review the whole story (which you definitely didn't have to do). And if you ever happen across Jimmy, I would be delighted to know what you think of that as well!
Thank you so much again! The biggest snowball hug ever to you!
Language shapes the world, for good or for evil. In silence, wounds fester and arguments begin. And what are wars but arguments out of control?
||2014 Dobby Winner: Best Quote; 2014 Golden Snitches, Silver: Best Romance, 2013 Silver: Best Romance, Best Slash||
Hi Laura! I'm here to leave a review for Quadpot (Match 1) and BvB! I've been intending to read this fic for sooo long and I'm so glad to have finally found an excuse to stop by, hahaha.
I expected this fic to be tragic, knowing already how Albus and Gellert's story ends—but I don't think I could've ever imagined that this fic would be this devastating. It's the first chapter and already, my heart is full of so many emotions. It's going to be a bit of a struggle to unpack everything I'm feeling right now, and you should see my notes document—it's somewhat of a mess hahaha. (Most of it is me quoting you and flailing at how beautiful your descriptive prose is, but there's also some rational response in there haha).
At first when I finished this chapter, I questioned why you'd included the duel in the very first chapter. I think I expected it to come later, sort of as the climax—so knowing that this is far from the climax makes me very scared to read the following chapters, as I'm sure there will only be more pain to come. But now that I think about, it really makes sense to put the duel in the first chapter. You've acknowledged, in doing so, that we all know how Albus and Gellert's story ends, and effectively transformed the story into one of the journey rather than the destination (if you'll forgive the slight cliché, haha). And within this chapter itself, the duel does act like a climax; the description of the duel with the musical terminology mixed in has left my heart racing in my chest. I'm going to have to go get a glass of water to calm myself down now hahaha. But aside from the excitement-level of it, the duel just acts as such as a sharp contrast to the preceding scenes depicting those ephemeral moments of peace between Albus and Gellert.
And oh, those moments. They make my heart hurt in an entirely different way. They're filled with such innocence; I loved the description of Albus trying to flee Gellert's room, like a freaking teenager. That scene really lended their relationship a sense of purity, but as Albus stated later, it was bittersweet, "marred by the knowledge of what was to come." That's why putting the duel in the first chapter was honestly such an ingenious idea because that just doubles the tragicness of those earlier moments by presenting the knowledge of what was to come at the forefront of the reader's mind. I already knew this, but it's been officially confirmed: Laura, you are a master at manipulating emotions.
I think what also made my heart hurt so much throughout reading this chapter was the description of Gellert. I loved the duality created in him—how he could be at once languid and slow and very human, and yet filled with this bold vitality and a desire to do more always—a sort of inhuman stamina and ambition. (Knowing where this ambition takes him makes this duality even more painful to witness). The softer, slower side of him entices me; the fiercer, faster side of him terrifies me. And they combine to create such a compelling individual.
I loved how you essentially have made Gellert silence personified. At first, though I appreciated the level of nuance in your descriptions about silence and all its powers, I wondered what the point of it was. But you tied it together so well to Gellert's personality and metaphorized it to contextualize Albus and Gellert's relationship—their "perpetual argument" persisting forever because of their mutual silence.
Speaking of those descriptions of silence: oh, my. It's such an inadequate response but that's exactly what I'm feeling. I love how you've so insightfully weaponized silence and noted all the power it holds. I think the most terrifying thing about silence to me is how it can be construed in so many ways—as you said, its "[v]ersatility renders it impossible to pin down, impossible to deduce and define". And this description is also what terrifies me a little about Gellert, because he too feels impossible to pin down, defying definition. Character-development-wise, that's brilliant because you've truly created a very multi-dimensional character. As a reader, I know that this means my heart will be further twisted by Gellert's general Gellert-ness, his frustrating enigmaticness, and I am not looking forward to it. :P (I say this while preparing to go onto the next chapter, since I'm so looking forward to reading more. Obviously I'm somewhat of a masochist).
I've rambled far too much, but I can't not comment on this as a writer. Your descriptions of the power of words just stole my breath. Spectacular. "Words are, after all, the most powerful tool in the world, more so than any wand or any weapon man could ever create." This right here is a line that I'd probably write in my journal to remember, as one of the particularly insightful quotes I collect to reflect on. It deserves to be immortalized. (It also reminds me of Dumbledore's description of words as "our most inexhaustible source of magic", and I'm wondering if that's purposeful).
Gosh, this review has stretched on for far too long, so I'm going to stop now. I just want to say that this first chapter drew me in and did not let me go, and I'll still be thinking about it for days to come. Lovely. Just lovely. Thank you so much for sharing, and I cannot wait to read more <3
In the interrogation chamber of MACUSA, Gellert has a revelation.
For the 'HPFT Archive Grand Opening Drabble Challenge'.
I have to say first and foremost that I really love the almost lyrical nature of your prose; it reads with such nice flow. I can tell that each word is chosen with deliberation and it made my experience reading this fic all the more enjoyable.
I really loved the characterization of Gellert here. The way I see it, you’ve paired a picture of him as the original Dark Lord and with all the characteristics of such a man; he is cruel, he is vengeful, he is really dark and unforgiving. He has a hint of romanticism, perhaps, with the whole idea of his heart only beating for Albus, but that’s sort of corrupted by his desire to get revenge. I like how realistic his portrayal is, and how unique it is—most other Grindeldore fics that I’ve read humanize Gellert but you’ve shown the side of him that isn’t really human at all.
I loved most how your tone really showed his characterization. Calling Newt nondescript, right from the start, established Gellert’s character as someone who was holier than thou in some ways, which is a really nice nuance and an excellent use of word choice :)
Like everyone else, I too marvel at how you can show me so much about Gellert’s character through so few words. That’s amazing; you’ve got read talent!