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13 Jun 2017




"I'm an amateur sleuth with limited self control and a computer" 
- Frankie Bergstein


bex ~ british



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Reviews by beyond the rain


Like a House on Fire by 800 words of heaven

Rated: Teen Audiences • 26 Reviews starstarstarstar
Summary:

Like a House on Fire Banner

 

"Conflicted interests" is one way you could describe Sirius Black and Millie White's relationship. At best, there's one-sided small talk. At worst, it's all-out war. But when Sirius manages to convince Millie into one of his hare-brained schemes, the coming clash will ensure that seventh year at Hogwarts won't be what either of them expected.

 

Slytherin Story of the Month, June 2018 | Thanks to -BookDinosaur- @HPFF for help with the summary | Banner by Hobbit' @tda


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 25 May 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: A First Time for Everything

Hey! I'm here from the MFWHAT review battle! First off - congrats on the nomination, now that I've read the first chapter - I see that it's a nomination well deserved. 

I really like Millie. I love her name (I've always wanted to name an OC or a RP character Millie, it's such a pretty name.), I love her sense of humour "“Lily not getting Head Girl is almost as impossible as Binns realising he’s dead" - such an accurate comment, and a funny one at that! You've said before that you enjoy writing comedy, and that's easy to see. 

I'm really intrigued by Sirius' behaviour, he wasn't out of character, but he was definitely out of sorts - and I'm glad that James picked up on it. Does he just fancy Millie? Is he going to live up to the usual headcanon that he's the extremely confident ladies man? Does he want more? I really want to see where this goes. 

I'm definitely hooked! 

 

 



Author's Response:

Thank you! I'm always surprised when people nominate this story for anything!

 

I'm glad you like Millie. She's always fun to write. Her humour is quite dry and at times, very sarcastic. I do love writing humour,  but the worry is always that it's gonna fall flat.

 

Sirius has been bamboozled! He spends the next few chapters that way, actually. We don't get to see super suave Sirius for a while, yet.

 

Thanks for the lovely review, Bex :)

 

xx 800



Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 25 May 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 2: Have You Even Talked to Her?

I loved this chapter for several reasons. 

First of all, the description of the marauders when the compartment door 'flew' open was everything. It was incredibly accurate, James leading, Sirius leaning, Remus trying to be unobtrusive, and Peter blending in so well that he doesn't even know he's doing it...all of that was perfect!!! 

Secondly, the girl talk. I've had these conversations, I've witnessed them - and I've been every girl in that conversation at some point. I'm not saying that all girls talk about is relationships, but when they do - it can often go like that. 

I think my favourite marauder in this scene was Remus. Actually talking to Millie and breaking the ice when they spoke about the book - he was only trying to be friendly but the lines between friendship and romance get blurred and everyone misinterprets it. Poor Remus, and poor Millie! 

Will Sarah ever make her feelings known to Remus? I mean it's perfectly plausible for him to have been in relationships before Tonks, unless he's going through the "I don't want to hurt the people I love" phase. 

All in all, a great chapter! 



The Last First by M C Crocker

Rated: Teen Audiences • 1 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star
Summary:

She wasn't used to being the one with all the secrets and yet she had to give him something so she would trust her.  He didn't know her now but he would and he knew that it would always lead to this - that damned man.

 

*Set during Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead
Banner by quinnifred of Shadowplay

 


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 27 Mar 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

i loved this! So sad, but with a glimmer of hope - even though it was River's last time seeing the Doctor, it wasn't his last time...or ours. She's such an underrated character, and she deserves more love! You've definitely done her justice! 

 

 



Author's Response:

Aww, thank you for this unexpected review!  Sorry, it has taken me so long to get back to you!  I read it made a note to respond and then promptly forgot that I had yet to respond. (Sorry about that!)

 

I am so glad you enjoyed this little bit I wrote - River is one of my all-time favorite characters and I wanted to explore things from her perspective - not to mention I was in for a 'goodbye' challenge on another site so I couldn't resist all the more.  I would love to write more River but the muse has not struck, but maybe someday.



Hermione's Totally Accidental Time-Traveling Mishap by MegGonagall

Rated: Mature Audiences • 14 Reviews starstarstarstarstar
Summary:

Written for BellaLestrange'87s Parody Challenge | Perfect banner by clowder@tda 



Due to an accident in Potion's class, Hermione Granger finds herself thrust back into the past. Will she find herself falling for someone unexpected? Of course she will, otherwise it wouldn't be a Time-Travel story.


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 20 Jun 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 2: When Hermione Becomes Totally Gorgeous

Hey Meg! Here for the review hot seat!!

 

So for some reason I haven't read this wonderful parody yet??!!! I have no idea why, my apologies! I love how witty and sarcastic the narration is in this fic. We all LOVE IT when hermione ends up being in the same year as the marauders - but how and why does it keep happening? You've made me question everything we as writers do, and how we just love making everything convenient and easier on us - to just be like....we have an excuse! Magic, duh! Maybe as writers we need to work on our TT backstories a little more? 

 

We may as well smash down that fourth wall and give you the surname of Watson whilst you are here."

The old man was bonkers, Hermione did not understand.
- I loved this line! I mean if anyone was to know about the outside world, it would be the puppetmaster himself, Albus Dumbledore!! I mean Hermione's also right in that he is bonkers, but I suppose that comes with being vastly knowledgable! 

 

Oh god!!! Dumbledore is killing me!!! "We shall see what happens after you've been here a few months and make meaningful relationships" again - that's so real! You had me laughing as I remembered my own snamione time travel. I was like but it wouldn't take Dumbledore this long to send Hermione home...but it'll take Severus months before he even considers Hermione a friend! Brilliant, Meg, just brilliant! 

 

Hermione, you do not sashay! No! Again a not so subtle reminder that in a new time Hermione seems to lose her head and turn into this super hot, perfect, mary sue. 

 

A lovely chapter Meg!!! So funny, but it really rang true as well! 

Bex



Blue Lavender by nott theodore

Rated: Mature Audiences • 4 Reviews starstarstarstarstar
Summary:

Beautiful banner by azimuth @TDA // Second place in MissesWeasley123's Khaled Hosseini Quote Challenge

 

For some people, the darkness remains even though the war is over.  In a world rebuilding itself, looking forward to the bright future, there are people left behind, suffering from their scars.


Lavender Brown is the first amongst them.    


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10 Jun 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 3: III.

Hey Sian! 

Here's your not so surprising surprise!! I'm sorry I said I was going to review this wonderful piece yesterday, but I got a little distracted - so I finished the chapter thia morning!! 

You have taken me on such a journey, and I was here for every second of it. I can't remember if Lavender was killed off in the books as well as the film, but it felt so unnecessary to me, and I was really unhappy. Thank you for bringing her back to us!

I'm in awe of how you've captured Lavender's struggle so perfectly. It makes so much sense for her to stay in her house where it's safe. Not only that but as you mentioned throughout this fic, where no one can see her "ugly" scars. Your decision on making Lavender agoraphobic? Would you call it that? Well anyway, it's genius and you should be super proud of it. 

Lavender's characterisation overall is so on point! I still see the remnants of her hogwarts self, and especially in this chapter, when you talk about how she knows that she'd have squealed about the party. But both the reader and lavender herself are aware of her change. She was a pain in the books, but she still didn't deserve to be attacked and to be terrified of leaving the house. 

Aw, Michael. That was so lovely of him to offer to take Lavender home and to remind her that they're all suffering too. I like that there were no romantic motives there either - he was just doing right by Lavender as a friend (but if you ever decide on a michael x lavender sequel id be here for that 100%) . 

 

This story was so poetic and so realistic. I think you showed that as far as the progression of recovery is concerned, there are no small steps, and even things like acknowledging others outside of her comfort zone and going outside are so important. I'm proud of her! 

About the writing style itself though, every chapter had some beautiful imagery and like I said, it was wonderfully poetic. I aspire to write like you do, seriously. 

Sorry for rambling on so much, but all in all this fic was amazing and I've fallen in love with your writing style...so now im off to read more! 

 

Bex



After Life by MegGonagall

Rated: Mature Audiences • 37 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Past Featured Story
Summary:

Amazing banner by beyond the rain@tda

 

 

Hermione's death had certainly been unexpected.

Severus Snape being the one to help her cope in the Afterlife, with the sadness of leaving behind nearly everyone she cared for?

Also unexpected. 

 

2018 F.R.O.G.S. 3rd Place - Best HP Major Character (Hermione Granger)


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 24 Apr 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 11: Denial.

ahhh!!!!! 

 

I love that they're calling their attraction to each other 'interest'! Okay guys, whatever you need to do to make you feel better ;D 
This build up is great, I love the pace of this fic and I love how in denial these two are...I can't wait for it all to come to a head (maybe next chapter wink wink nudge nudge????).

 

I wonder what Severus will use as his excuse to see her??? Ah, I'm just super excited to see where this goes, as you can tell :P

I hope your muse is back for good, I'm really looking forward to where this will go!

 

Bex <3



That's What Friends Are For by Pixileanin

Rated: Teen Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstarstar
Summary:

Neville Longbottom wants to get married.  Was that so hard?

For CrimsonQuill's New Beginnings Challenge.


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 28 May 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: That's What Friends Are For

Hey Pix, I'm here again from the review tag! 

So given that Matthew Lewis got married recently, I thought this was the perfect fic to review! 

I never pictured Neville and Hannah running off to get married, but the way you wrote this....I could really believe it. The way they did it the muggle way, flying to another part of the world, having a private affiar, I really liked that! 

Another thing I liked was the tidbit about Hermione being miffed that she wasn't invited! So like Hermione, especially when she felt better once she realised that no one was invited really. Very in character, even though she was hardly in it at all. It was a lovely touch. 

Seeing Luna vulnerable about Charlie, and thinking about how he'd like the dress, before thinking that it wasn't for him....I loved it. It was so relatable (I can admit that I'm guilty of thinking the same thing as Luna once or twice.) , and it made Luna human. I love her weirdness and her eccentricity, but sometimes we forget that Luna is a person, and she isn't an idiot, she's just wired differently. She still has the same problems as the rest of us, like relationship problems, and even her best friend not wanting her to read her speech. 

She was constructed perfectly, and my heart hurt for her a little bit. You deserve better Luna!! <3 <3 

All in all, this was another great fic of yours - and I'm so glad I got to read it! Thank you for humanising Luna and making her more than just "the strange girl who believes in wrackspurts and nargles" . 

 



Author's Response:

Hey there!

Aww, Matthew!  I saw that on twitter.  :)  

Yeah, Hermione would want the whole traditional thing.  She really embraces rules and traditions and things, and friends and such.  I have this thought about writing a Luna/Rolf thing one day: it'd be a novel length thing, with Luna being all weird on the outside, and very sensible, yet sensitive on the inside. Part of that story was the idea that Luna and Charlie made a brief connection, but it didn't last.  This is sort of an extension of that.  I also love the idea of Luna and Neville being close, but not romantic together. They'd be thick as thieves, without the thieving...  or maybe a little thieving... who knows what Luna would be able to convince Neville to get into? Haha.

I think we all might have these sorts of thoughts about people who we think we like, but are probably not the right fit.  I wrote another extension of this earlier in the month, but it's not quite ready for posting here.  You may like that one too, but my beta said it made her cry.  I only cried because my beta did, I swear.  :P

I'm so glad that Luna seemed 'right' to you. I love the idea of her character, but writing her is hard to get right.  You've got to be a bit frazzled, but still in a focused way, and I only know it when I see it and it's hard to stay in that headspace, you know?

Thanks for the tag review!  We'll have to meet again soon!

 

Pix



Tell Me, Minister, What Is the Truth? by Pixileanin

Rated: Teen Audiences • 4 Reviews starstarstarstarstar
Summary:

Conrelius Fudge after the Battle at the Department of Mysteries.


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12 May 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Your Truth, or Mine

Hey! I'm here from the review tag! 

 

So I chose to review this piece because I was intrigued, not much is done on Cornelius Fudge in the world of fanfiction - and I like that you decided to write this. 

I think you got his characterisation spot on. Fudge has always reminded me of the british prime minister, Neville Chamberlain - and I got that vibe from your writing too. 

The last line is my favourite "He looked back over the darkened room, his Office, and then resolutely closed the door on the future of his Ministry career."  It's like you have a really clear vision of Fudge's aims as a person and a politician. I didn't feel sorry for him as such, but I acknowledged him as a human being for coming to the realisation that he had made some very grave mistakes - and that he knew he had to pay for them. 

 

This really was a lovely read, the right length, the right style - and a perfect ending! 10/10! 

 

Bex



Author's Response:

Hey! Intrigued is a good thing, right?  LOL.

Yeah, I don't see many Fudge fics around... wow, that was fun to say.  Haha!  And no, you're right.  I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him.  He knows what he did, and he knows that he has to own up to his actions.  This is that moment where he either embraces the truth or it bites him in the rear end.  Which it probably will anyway.  But he's ready to face it.  So there you go.

I'm glad you thought the length matched the story idea. Sometimes my ideas run away from me, but this one was pretty whole.

Thanks for the review!

Pix



Deathly Hallows Blues by Ineke

Rated: Teen Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstarstar
Summary:

Amy comes home to find Jake busy reading Deathly Hallows


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed
Date: 12 May 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

So, you already know that I love this. 

This is the first brooklyn nine nine fic I'd ever read and when you first sent it to me it was brilliant, but now with the changes and finally seeing it up here it's managed to become even better!

You have Jake and Amy's mannerisms down, I could really believe that this would happen between the two of them. 

This was a really lovely little fic that I've added to my list of b99 headcanons. 

NINE NINE! 

 

Bex 



Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12 May 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Everyone

Hi! 

So I don't normally read marauder fics - but there was something about yours that drew me in (that and i love the banner, ess is one of my favourite artists & what she made is perfection) . 

Anyway! I'm actually really glad I read this! Once I started reading this it was very difficult to stop. Your description at the beginning was beautiful, I had a picture in my head of where Marlene and Luke were - and then Bellatrix appeared and I was hooked. 

I love how you tied your plot in with Sirius leaving, I mean I could only imagine what that would mean to Marlene. I'm already excited to read more about her, I don't know that much - but I have a feeling I'm going to love your portrayal! 

Bex



Author's Response:

Thank you so much! This was originally posted on HPFF and I got stuck with writers block, I'm hoping that going through it again and reposting everything will inspire me to carry on with the story! 



From Fame to Infamy: The Tragedy of Six Objects by potionspartner

Rated: Teen Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star
Summary:

“So,” said Harry, “the diary. . .the ring. . The cup, the locket, the snake. . . and something that was once Ravenclaw’s or Gryffindor’s.“

“An admirably succinct and accurate summary, yes,” said Dumbledore, bowing his head. (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, p. 507, American Edition.)


Six items-famed for being the vessels of Voldemort’s soul.  Set in eight vignettes across ten centuries, this is their stories before their fates were sealed.

 


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 13 Jun 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: 11th Century-Locket and Cup

Hey! I'm here from the review tag!


I don't read founders era fics very often, but this is really intriguing, and I like where you're taking it! 


So the creation of the sorting hat was very clever. I can imagine the four founders having this discussion and trying to decide how someone would objectively sort their students after they were gone. I like that they were so concerned about what would become of their school once they passed, and that they knew the importance of Hogwarts even then. Sometimes I think that people let their house define them a bit too much, but it's good that the four of them knew the important of the sorting and that it needed to be addressed. 


Salazar's characterisation is really quite chilling, he's so full of hatred - but he doesn't see it that way at all. He thinks that his house should be protected from the 'mud' and is protecting magic from these greedy and desparate muggles. It's good to know that he's alone in his ideology and that the other three don't share his beliefs. He mirrors a lot of the extremists of today who're worried about their race, but would rather let it die out than 'suffer' from multiculturalism. I really like how you made the link between 1000 years ago and today, because it shows that really - very little has changed. 


I love how Godric Gryffindor really does represent his house, being so chivalrous and jumping in to defend Helga. I think he's my favourite character so far, the way you've described him I can picture him very clearly in my mind! 


I can't wait to see what becomes of the founders after this! 


 


 


 


 



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review. This is my first founder's fiction and it's not really even that--only the first 2 chapters. I tried to have a bit of a "wrap up" connection at the end of each chapter. Some are better than others. 

The entire story is done (8 chapters-last one is in the queu) I hope you enjoy the rest of it. 



The Art of Being Nonchalant (Or Not) New! by starbuck

Rated: Mature Audiences • 13 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Feature
Summary:

 

"Have no fear, Quinn Jones."

Apparently, it is a truth universally acknowledged that I, Quinn Jones, a full-fledged Gryffindor, am actually afraid of three little words.

What a load of nonsense.

 

banner made by me (starbuck.@TDA)


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 09 Jun 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter One

hey kristina! 

So first off, it's pretty clear to me that James fancies Quinn and it must've been so difficult for him watching her date his LITTLE BROTHER FOR TWO MONTHS. Shoutout to James Sirius Potter for keeping it together. 

I love Quinn, but I also want to shake her. WRONG POTTER QUINN! WRONG POTTER! Go and put on that red dress (i really hope that gets brought up again and that james dies of fright when he sees her in it) and make James a happy man. I mean I'm sure that way you'd have had an even better birthday. 

I love how cheeky and cute Quinn & James are, they're similar but not so much that they wouldn't make a good couple. Seriously - I can't wait to see how this turns out! 

 

Bex



Author's Response:

hey bex!

 

thank you so much for reading and reviewing :D :D

 

yes, james apparently has the willpower of a sage. and quinn is...well, being quinn and being oblivious i guess :P

 

the red dress will come into play a bit later on, definitely (you know Chekov's gun principle - "If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there." - i'm trying to keep to that principle though i have no idea if i'll succeed but i think it's incredibly cool)

 

kris



Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 18 Jun 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 2: Chapter Two

I have never seen a quote more relatable in all my life: as it got hotter, the boys took off their shirts. If they were hoping that would distract me, they were wrong. Honestly, the male body is not that special. Though they were nice to look at. I can definitely relate there ahahahahahaha! 

James is the cutest thing on this earth, I mean I keep saying it but I love how protective he is of Quinn (and vice versa)...and how naturally close the two of them are. Him tracing patterns on her leg made me aww at them. 

Maybe Quinn's a bit like me, very oblivious to matters of the heart. 

Quinn's granddad reminded me of my step-granddad....he was a very angry, sweary person too. I really liked the way you wrote his character, like he was so ambitious and seemed like he treats everyone the same and doesn't care who you are. It's what you're like as a person (or quidditch player in their case.) 

Loved this! I can't wait to read more! :) 

 



Author's Response:

yes, that quote is definitely relatable! :P

 

james is so protective that he (not so) randomly yells the f word or tells a hit wizard he looks like a vampire just so he'd interrupt quinn (and logan - i wonder if we've seen the last of him?) who then has no idea. silly oblivious girl.

 

and quinn's grandad is complicated, he was a famous beater, then a coach for the tornados, possibly introduced them to dirty tactics (such a slytherin! :P ) but you are right that he treats everyone the same, no matter who they are (i think that's rare in the wizarding world - we've seen numerous times in the books how people treat harry or lucius&draco - i wanted to have a character who doesn't care about that (though i do believe that to make it big in pro quidditch you wouldn't be able to rely on your name alone, maybe you'd get a spot on a team but not much else without skills)

 

i'm halfway through with chapter 3 so i hope it'll be finished soon! :D



Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 27 Jun 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 3: Chapter Three

Hey Kristina, here from the review tag!! 

 

First of all, someone needs to tell Quinn to stop being with people that aren't James. I'm offended and I'm sure everyone else who reads this is too ;) I get that she was drunk when she kissed Al but honestly, I can't believe she did it. She's leading him on! Drunk or not, you can't tell a guy you have no desire to get back with them and then kiss them!!! I feel a little sorry for Al actually, and I hope that this kiss hasn't motivated him to get her back properly...and if it has - I still want him to fail! 

 

I have problems with Logan Anderson too - my biggest one being that he only has cereal and tequila?!  Who's stocking his fridge!? I can totally understand why Quinn would be tempted by someone like him if he's as muscly and toned as you're suggesting! But still...HES NOT JAMES, QUINN! 

 

Speaking of James - don't dance with another girl when Quinn's right there!? God I'm so mad at the bost of them, I'm ready to bash their heads together. I'm glad that James was worried though, I'm a little less mad at him! A little.

 

Last little thing, I don't know if you're aware but in the UK there's a smoking ban in public places like bars, clubs, everywhere that isn't your house and outside essentially. I just noticed that Logan was smoking at the bar, and maybe wizarding laws are different? I just thought I'd let you know for future reference? Feel free to tell me to shut up! 

 

All round this was another good read! 

 

Bex



Author's Response:

hhaha, well, quinn does like to hook up :D

 

and it was al who made the first move, she mostly just went with the flow (as usual). i like cocky al who, er, slithers in (much like logan anderson (why does his name sound so good said together?! just logan doesn't have the same ring to it :O ), and kind of takes what he wants.

 

if you read my upcoming oneshot about ethan, you'll learn why logan anderson has pretty much lived on alcohol and the occasional food item for the past year or so :/

 

and james - great response after seeing quinn and al snogging, right?!

 

yes, i know smoking is banned almost everywhere in the UK (my mother was raging about this when we were in london :D), it's similar in croatia (there's a loophole saying that if you have a proper ventilation system you can allow guests to smoke (no one actually does have a proper ventilation system but it's practically enough to say that you do)) but i went with wizards not really caring about smoking all that much (they love their pipes!), especially in night clubs (or pubs) :)

 

thanks for the lovely review!



We, Lawbreaking Citizens by Rumpelstiltskin

Rated: Mature Audiences • 7 Reviews starstarstarstarstar
Summary:

BEAUTIFUL banner by beyond the rain @TDA and @HPFT

The War revealed many truths about humankind...the most important of those truths is that all humans are innately inclined to violence and chaos. We are hosts to an entire horde of plaguing ailments like jealousy and greed and we lack the physical and emotional capabilities to cope with such diseases. That is how the War started. That is how the world ended. That is why there is a grand nothingness on the Outside, beyond the walls of the Sovereignty.

 

My name is Cyril Bernard and I play a highly important role in maintaining the peace and overall wellbeing of our wonderfully prospering society (despite what that Mark Van said because what does that peacebreaker know anyway).

 

Written for scooterbug8515's Anything But Harry Challenge and just.a.willow.tree's Love, _____. Challenge

 


Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 18 Jun 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Merry Gentlefolk

Agh!!! Oh my goodness! There's so much intrigue to this story and I'm so excited to read more! 

I'm really intrigued by Cyril. I think it's clever that, even though this story is written through his eyes, we don't know all that much about him. I want to know more though and I can't wait to find out! 

Mark is such a bad influence! Still, I think it's best that he is given that without him Cyril might not have started questioning the society he lives in. 

This fic is like a cross between Alice by Christina Heart (which is essentially a dystopian AU of alice in wonderland where alice and her friend 'hatter' were in a mental asylum and they only start remembering things once they stop taking their medication and escape the institution) and a really sinister version of chitty chitty bang bang - because of the children's district. I think it's very interesting that they put the children somewhere separate. Why do they do that? To indoctrinate them? Experiment? Or are they really there at all? Agh - I need to know more! 

Not forgetting what I hope will eventually be Cyril x Mark - because they seem like a very cute pairing. I'm lowkey shipping them already so you can't stop me :P

This is an amazing start Rumpels, I'm really glad I started reading this!! 

 

Bex



Author's Response:

HI BEX! O/

 

I wanted to release information a little bit slowly, especially because Cyril doesn't even really know who Cyril is yet. :D Mark is the best kinds of bad influences! Alice sounds pretty cool -- I'll have to check that out. The children's district will be looked at more/explained in more detail later on :P. It's one of the darker themes of the story and I've been debating on exactly how much I want to show/reveal and to what extent. It's not...terribly sinister. Shreya brought up a couple ship names, and I have a particular fondness for Cyark ;). No need to stop shipping Cyark -- Cyark away! 

 

Thanks so, so much! <3

-Rumpels



Reviewer: beyond the rain Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 18 Jun 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 2: Poetic Contraband

There's some lovely description in this chapter that I think we need to talk about before anything else. These two are my favourite lines so far - they're so beautiful and poetic, but the imagery was still so vivid in my mind. Seriously Rumpels, you should be really proud of these - they're something else.

 

"like I would be some ghost of a memory, playing in the far corners of his brain, poking its head up through a blanket of medication like the first gangly plant breaking through the ashen remnants of scorched earth"

 

"it was the first time I saw anything quite as ethereal as he looked in the dim fluorescent lighting as the steam emanating off the sewage pipes danced past him, clinging to denim in his jacket."

 

Aha! So Mark and Cy were together then! Yay! But also - poor Mark! Imagine the person you love being right there....but not. Agh - you're so cruel! Again - a really brilliant idea though, and I can't wait for it all to be revealed...or not!

 

Amelia's not taking her meds either, wellthat makes a lot of sense considering she was calling him Cy in the first chapter. I wonder if Mark and Cyril will try to escape Brighton, and maybe take Amelia with them?! I hope so, and I hope whatever's ourside is a lot better than what they're having to go through now.

 

The plot really has thickened in the best way possible!!! 



Author's Response:

O/ Hi again!

 

Awe, thanks! I'm glad you like the descriptions! I wanted to add some more into this chapter since there is so little when showing things through Cyril's eyes. <33 Thanks so much! Especially because of Mark's attraction to poetry, I thought it would be okay to add in some more poetic descriptions! :D  YES! A miniature plot twist, lol. And, yeah, I do feel bad that Mark has to sit idly by while the person he loves doesn't really remember who he is (or, not idly, I guess, as he's still trying to help him). 

 

Thanks so much again! 

 

-Rumpels