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Daphne finds Astoria in an abandoned corridor just before the Death Eaters storm Hogwarts.
“He’s on the wrong side." She raised her wand. "And so are you, little sister.”
Hello, I'm here for BvB! :)
Omg, why did you have to end it like this?! *cries in despair* I honestly hate Daphne at the moment and she's supposed to be one of my more tolerated characters (mostly because she does nothing) I really liked your characterisation for Astoria, though. You did a great depiction of the inner conflict in her, with hints that she didn't fit into Slytherin or really share the stereotypical purebloods' view on the war.
It was an interesting concept you had here. I've always wondered how many Slytherins walked out of the Great Hall unwillingly because they were scared of being judged/outcast, and I found it fascinating to read from the point of view of someone like that. Also the point on what Celeste thought of the war made me curious. I'd never really thought about anyone simply finding it inconvenient, so this made me see some things in a new light.
Anyway, I've really enjoyed this! Maybe Astoria will be able to fight the Imperius curse like Harry...or not. But all in all, brilliant job :D
Beautiful banner by katharos @ TDA
When the destruction of the American Magical Academy forces Alex to flee to Hogwarts for protection, she learns that some secrets can kill and some secrets are worth dying for.
Hi, I'm here with your requested review! :)
Ooh, I liked the beginning and how you started straight away with someone saying the Killing Curse. It's just the kind of thing to get the reader interested straight away. I also liked your use of similes to convey little bits of information, like the bracelet Alex was wearing :)
Despite the fact that this is only the first chapter, I can already understand the reason behind the title of the story, but nothing was too rushed either. I felt like this chapter progressed at a nice and natural pace. And I think this story stands totally fine on its own, as I've never read the series this is part of and I didn't get confused or anything.
I really want to find out more about Alex's mother! (I'm slightly mad because you hardly let on anything about her in this chapter :P) Why was her mother killed by her own? Who was she even? What did she do that made the Death Eaters want to kill her? Assuming they were Death Eaters, in which case VOLDEMORT IS STILL ALIVE?!?! Honestly, there are so many more questions I have that I want to ask, but I guess I'll just have to read on ;)
One thing I was a little uncertain about was your use of the word 'mundane'. The way you used it sounded like it was another word for 'non-magical' although (to my knowledge) it's supposed to describe someone who didn't have the powers of a Seer. (Trelawney used it pretty often in the books) I don't know? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it might be worth editing to avoid confusion :)
But all in all, this has been an enjoyable read so far! Please feel free to come back and rerequest! :D
banner by abhorsen. @TDA & SP
You'd think that adrenaline-fueled Gryffindor girls who fight monsters and even-tempered manipulative Slytherin boys training to be Healers would not mix well. You might be right.
Thought I'd drop by with a review. I'm really enjoying this story so far! :)
I genuinely have so much to say about this, but I'll try not to ramble on too much. So I think the beginning was written quite well. It makes you want to read more, and links well with the rest of the story. I like how we find out so much about Scorpius, Rose and her cousins all in one chapter. Personally, I like having the information :) I hope to see more of the Weasleys in the following chapters. Fred and Molly's relationship was interesting and definitely had me laughing!
Also, Rose and Scorpius! They were absolutely adorable, and fit each other so well! Scorose is quite a common ship, but not everyone can write it convincingly and I think you depicted it beautifully here. It does leave the reader wondering how they came to be together if Rose originally hated him, though. I don't often read stories after they've both graduated and are already dating.
Scorpius has a good personality. He's caring and sweet and obviously really loves Rose, but is also very loyal to his family, which I liked. I think it was nice of him to actually make the effort to meet Rose's family. If only Rose was as thoughtful...but Ron Weasley is her father so maybe she has an excuse ;)
So anyway, I think this is brilliant story so far. Your dialogue and characterisation are both great and I don't have much to comment on about that. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter and finding out if they visit Scorpius' family :D
For Jo Raskoph's "Telling The Parents" Challenge
Tom and Merope's engagement is not music to Mr Riddle's ears
Also posted on HPFF
Hello, I'm here for BvB :D
So, I have to say first of all that I really enjoyed reading this. It's a nice piece of work that fills in the gap of what happened when Tom 'fell in love' with Merope, and the Riddles' reactions were amusing, to say the least. For some reason, I particularly liked Mrs Riddle yelling for her smelling salts :)
I think you also described the effects of Amortentia on Tom really well; it wasn't overdone but it still conveyed the impression that he REALLY wanted Merope. And all because of a piece of chocolate :/
Basically everything was spot on; it fitted with canon and the mood and characters were just right. The only thing I really have to say (and actually it's more of a suggestion) is how you could have mentioned Merope's family? It would be nice to know how free she was feeling now that her crazed father and brother were out of the way. But hey, it's your story, you can do what you like.
But yeah, once again, I really liked this story. Nothing seemed too rushed in this one-shot and it all flowed nicely. Just want to say well done-and I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future ;D
Hello! Thank you for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you liked this one-shot :)
It was always in him. It just took him a lifetime to find it.
STOP DOING THIS TO ME IT ISN'T FUNNY I WANT TO CRY. First, I have George erasing his memory and now you give me this agonising fic about Regulus which is just as sad! Are you trying to kill my heart or something??
That aside...I loved the visions Regulus have. Well, as much as I can love them without wanting to burst into tears. It seems so fitting that Regulus would be thinking of Sirius in his last moments, as I could definitely imagine him wanting to defy his parents but being too afraid. The scene when Sirius was leaving was so sad. It made me so angry when you mentioned the bruises he had, because I often forget that his horrible childhood would probably have stretched to physical abuse. (THEY USED CRUCIO ON HIM HOW COULD THEY, SEND THEM TO AZKABAN!!!) I think you did a great job depicting Regulus' life at home and connecting so many of his memories with his brother :)
And wow, your descriptions. I know I could never do that in a million years. Somehow, you managed to convey the pain and agony Regulus was feeling but still making it sound...almost poetic in a way? Perhaps that's not the best way of putting it; I was literally dying inside as Regulus drank all of the potion. And the worst of it was that Kreacher was by his side the whole time but couldn't do anything. I don't know if it was just me but I thought the way you simply had him saying "Here, master" was so effective I was almost shuddering. In general, I was just blown away by the detailed descriptions you put in.
And now I think I'm going to go cry now goodbye.
Teddy Lupin writes a letter to Harry on his second day at Hogwarts. Maybe he should have written to his grandmother first, but there's something important he wants to ask Harry.
Written for Jayna's The Childhood Challenge at HPFF
Wonderful banner by katharos @ TDA!
Aw this was so cute! Now I'm sad it's a one shot because I want more (though I suppose you would be telling a very long story then :P)
I've actually never considered sorting Teddy into Hufflepuff, to be honest. Since his dad was Remus and he spent a lot of time with the Potters I kind of just naturally assumed he would be Gryffindor. Totally forgot his mum was Tonks ^_^
I like Teddy's character in this. It was a bit different but it was believable. He was pretty cheery most of the time but I love how he also has a sensitive side to him when it comes to his parents. I can understand why he would feel worried :(
Also the "Deathie Kids" was a cool touch. I know that next generation children of ex-Death Eaters would have a rough time but I'd not really considered how they might also be called names and bullied :( It was sweet of Teddy to stick up for them, though.
All in all, great story, thanks for a very enjoyable read :D
Hello there… hm, I never seem to have caught your name, but hello anyway!
Yay, I’m happy you thought this was cute! If you want more you should DEFINITELY check out dancinguniverse’s remix of this story on AO3 – it’s called “If These Floors Could Talk (the Epistolary Reprise)” and tells this story as, well, a story rather than a letter. It’s so good and everybody should read it! : )
It’s interesting that you’d never considered a Hufflepuff Teddy – for me it’s the obvious choice, haha! (And it’s Canon now, it you count tweets!) He did grow up with Andromeda and a lot of stories about his mum, after all, too! : P
I’m glad you like my Teddy – I love the thing about the Next Gen kids when you can take their characterisation in different directions. And yeah, I remember being very proud of myself for the “Deathie Kids” thing when I first wrote this, haha! : )
I’m happy you liked this little story, and thanks for the review!
They were the four greatest witches and wizards of their time, with a shared vision. But their friendship couldn't overcome everything. This is their story.
*review transfer from HPFF for HPFT Final Exams Flying Lessons :)
Hey! Here for Capture The Flag ;)
This has been an interesting story so far. I always enjoy reading about reasons why Salazar might have hated Muggles, since it's never explained in the books. I think you've built a nice strong case against Muggles here in this story. It was kind of heartless of Maeve to just run of like that, especially when Salazar was only trying to make sure she wasn't poisoned. If I were in his position, I wouldn't be feeling too great about Muggles either.
No Muggleborns allowed in Hogwarts? That's still a bit harsh. Ooh, I wonder how the other founders would react. Though, obviously, we already know from the books what happens. I think you're doing a good job so far of slowly building up tension. I like how we're now beginning to see Slytherin as we know him, teaching Dark Arts etc. I was glad they didn't have too big an argument over it, but I feel like this isn't going to be the last disagreement Slytherin will be having with the founders.
Founders era isn't exactly my favourite era to read about, but you kept me engaged all the way here. And because I'm always trash for some romance to liven things up ;)
Very enjoyable read- thank you! :D
Thank you so much, I'm so thrilled you find this to be an interesting story - I had so much fun exploring all these concepts while writing it! And thanks, I'm glad my explanation of Salazar's hatred of Muggles made a lot of sense. For him to take such drastic measure later on, with a basilisk and all, I figured it had to be something really personal.
It means a lot to me that you think the tension is built up well, thanks! And I'm really glad to hear that you were interested in the story despite not usually liking Founders.
So glad you've enjoyed this! Thanks so much for the review!
Beautiful banner by caomoyl @ TDA!
This was their special day, and he knew that.
For HPFT's House Cup Throw Down The Gauntlet challenge
Here for BvB :)
AGH SCORPIUS WHAT HAPPENED!?! I AM DISAPPOINTED WITH YOU >:(
But...yeah, I thought this was a very strong start to your story. It was rather fast-paced with a lot of tension, and my heart was beating really fast as I read this as I wondered what had happened to Scorpius. Everything going on keeps the reader going on, which obviously is a good thing :)
Your descriptions in this were brilliant. How did you do it?! Everything was written with such detail, and I could definitely picture the whole thing in my mind clearly. The expressions made the story all the more vivid and I particularly I loved reading about how Rose had prepared everything- especially the trail of chocolates spelling out a message, I thought that was really sweet :)
And now moving onto Rose! Your depiction of her feelings were all pretty good, and I understand why she would be feeling so angry (I mean, all that effort? Come on, Scorpius) Her gradually rising temper was evident but the reader could also sympathise for her. And even though Scorpius didn't even show up on this chapter *makes an angry face* I like how you still threw some hints about Rose's love for him amd I still got a vague idea of what their relationship was like.
In conclusion: wonderful story so far, I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter ;)
Hi and thank you for this review :) I do love throwing similes and metaphors around with carefree abandon!
Scorpius Malfoy gathers his family and old friends of his parents to read letters left behind by Draco. The words contained in these letters and the stories behind them might just shed some light on just what the former head of the Malfoy family went through during his sixth year. What's certain is Scorpius is about to learn more about his father than he ever thought possible.
Hi! Here with your requested review :)
Ooh, interesting! Firstly, I'd never really considered Draco to be the parent that dies first- I don't even know why. I also loved how Draco worked with Neville and Dennis to find a potion for Dragon pox; he's obviously changed so much from what he used to be and that makes me respect him much more.
Okay, enough talk about Draco, because he's not even alive any more *makes sad face* This is definitely a unique storyline you have going on here. I'm really looking forward to reading about Draco's experiences in sixth year. I'm sure there are plenty of fics that are about that, but I think this is slightly different because it's a story inside a story...if you get what I mean? There's also the mystery of why the letters were kept hidden for all these years, which I'm now very curious about.
You asked about if this story made sense, and I say yes. I understand everything that's going on, you've written it all wonderfully clearly. As for setting up the story, you did it beautifully, and it leaves readers wanting to know more with the cliffhanger you left us with... *grumbles* But yes, I don't think you need to be very concerned about that.
Believability! It was mostly all fine, I think. I liked how you linked the story to the books with little details like mentioning Lucius dead in Azkaban and Hermione not being comfortable at Malfoy Manor. That little touch of canon is very nice :)
One thing that was a little off to me was the Scorpius' language. Things like "Yes, that should be fine Mother, thank you for understanding.", it just seems a bit too uptight and proper? I think it would make a real difference if you just altered it slightly, even if it's just from "thank you" to "thanks". It's your story, though, so feel free to ignore me as they're jus my own thoughts :)
Narcissa is in St. Mungo's?? I'm sorry, what!?! More information please! Also I really want to find out more about the twins (SCORPIUS ADOPTED KIDS YESYESYES) and also see some Scorbus :D I feel like I didn't get to see much of their relationship, though I noticed Scorpius did refer to Albus as his husband more than once. However, I understand if you want this story to mostly to focus on the letters (I would NOT be objecting if it did) but I feel it would be lovely to get a real sense of Scorpius and his life.
But all in all, this was a very enjoyable read. I hope you update soon because I'm genuinely interested in this story now. Thanks for requesting! ;D
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An excerpt from the deposition of Dolores Jane Umbridge, describing events when she was fifteen years of age.
Featured story for the HPFF 15th Birthday writer's duel, prompt '15 years old.'
I think you've done a really good job with this story :)
Characterisation was great; the beginning with Dolores' brother and mother was totally heartless, and so like her. I especially liked 'magic thief' because it gives a hint as to her future. As read about in the Deathly Hallows, Umbridge was questioning Muggle borns about the origins of their magic and it was interesting to know that she had harboured her beliefs since she was young. Also the way she acts like nothing is wrong, how pretends to be all sweet, her jealousy...and her giggle! They're just so characteristic of her and I think you did an amazing job with her.
So I say that your depiction of Umbridge brilliant (because it really was). BUT- I honestly don't think I've detested a canon character written in fanfiction than I do at the moment. SHE KILLED A STUDENT!!! I HATE her for it (sorry, getting a bit wound up here) but I could definitely see it happening. Would she feel guilty about it after in her later years, though? Probably not, but this story just left me wondering.
I FEEL FOR PATRICIA!! THE POOR GIRL! What made it so sad was Dolores lied to her, and she died happy but deceived. How could Umbridge do that!? (I suppose she could, since she's Umbridge) I like how you emphasised her cruelty, by making even the other Slytherins feel bad. It just comforted me to know that the other Slytherins weren't nearly as horrible as her...
I'm sorry for having droned on and on about Umbridge, but you have to know that I thought her character was perfect and the story was really good. Everything felt so unexpected but then I thought about it and thought Actually I could so see that happening. The only thing I have to say was that there didn't seem to be that many events. I get that the death plotting part was quite important but I would have liked to see a few more scenes in her life so I could really get a feel of what her life was like :)
But overall, I thought this was a really good story. Well done :D
Yeah, it ends a bit abruptly, I was coming up to the deadline of the challenge, and had to finish it quickly. I really enjoyed writing this, and I'm glad the characterization comes through. She's truly evil, but she doesn't think of herself that way; I actually think she's a psychopath and not just a sociopath. I knew the girl she killed would have to be sympathetic to make the point that Dolores is really heartless and would do anything to further her views and career.
When I read about her past and found out her father worked in Magical Maintenance, it made it clear to me that she probably knew Reg Cattermole from the time she was a girl, and he likely worked with her father! This gave me even more insight into how she treated him and his wife's trial.
As for feeling guilty, I don't think she feels guilty about anything. As some people say, "she was only sorry because she was caught."
She's a great example of an evil character who is evil for real human emotional reasons (and psychopathy) rather than the world-ending apocalyptic, mustache-twirling villain (now I have a crack-fic in mind where she does twirl her mustache...).
Thanks so much for the kind words and review.
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Sybill Trelawney meets her destined lover.
~ Written for lovegood27's Random Pairing Challenge ~
I procrastinate too much...but hello! I'm here to review your entry! :)
Tbh, I found this utterly hilarious. Trelawney's character was absolutely on point- ridiculous, slightly creepy, but still arrogant enough to think she had a chance with someone like Gilderoy Lockhart. And about Lockhart...wow, his characterisation was great too. He was also arrogant like Trelawney, and cruel enough to judge someone based off their looks.
I found it so funny how Trelawney kept on going on about how the stars ever lie etc. And she was overly romantic and naive about the whole thing. Oh the joys of love. It had finally begun. That cracked me up so bad. I'm surprised she didn't realise she wasn't a Seer after this XD
Thanks for the entry! xx
Thank you for reading and reviewing! I am so glad this made you laugh as it was totally meant to be light and funny but not in a parody way, so am happy that worked! I wanted to exaggerate both of their characters a little bit so am relieved that you found that fun! Thank you so much for the challenge, this was fun writing!
Ron Weasley is feeling left out. Harry's obsessed with whatever Malfoy's doing and his meetings with Dumbledore. Hermione is seemingly always too busy studying. Just when he needs a friend, Seamus steps in. (Ron/Seamus)
Written for Lovegood27's Random Pairings Challenge, and TreacleTart's Take It Seriously Challenge.
I'm trying to slowly get round to reviewing all entries for my challenge so, yep...hello :)
Okay, I loved the slow build up to the end that you created. I knew something would have to happen eventually (I gave you the pairing after all), but the way you wrote about them just becoming better friends at first was really nice. Then it started turning into something possibly more, and at the end I was just like 'YES, GO GET HIM RON, YES YES YES, I'M SO PROUD'.
Also, Ron/Seamus isn't canon, but you still kept it all so compliant to the books and I just want to say congratulations. The whole series are written from Harry's POV, so this could have happened for all we know. And I really liked how their friends sort of left them so they grew closer to each other. I like thinking Seamus is one of those people who are just there, and I think you did a great job portraying that here.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this. Thanks for the entry :)
On the night before her daughter's wedding, Hermione looks back on her own love story.
Written for Lovegood27s Random Pairing Challenge
So, I'm trying to get round to reviewing all entries, so...hello :)
Okay, this was unexpected, definitely. This was a rather hard pairing I gave you, and it's quite impressive the way you managed to make things turned out. I liked how they met while Muggle shopping and with Hermione offering to help, which I think was very characteristic of her.
My heart absolutely broke for poor Rose. She shouldn't have to deal with a relationship with Ron like that at 4 years old, it's not right :( I hate Ron so much in this (although that was probably the point). The build-up to Hermione and Crabbe's relationship and how they started off as just friends was really nice.
Anyway, great job. Thank you for the entry :D
perfect banner by prokaryote.@tda!
If being away from Dean was making his dreams this bad and his feelings so strong, maybe living with Dean would make them both go away. They could go back to before, when things were easy and Seamus wasn’t one spark away from an explosion.
*review transfer from ao3 for HPFT Final Exams Flying Lessons :)
Hi, I'm here for Capture The Flag! ;)
At the end of the Second War, Harry Potter stumbles across a book that promises to be his salvation. Meanwhile, Hermione Granger is determined to be the voice of reason. Time Travel Fic.
Hello, I'm here with your requested review! :)
Lolll "you look like a demented owl" cracked me up so badly. (Hermione, that's just SLIGHTLY offensive, you know). Also the "Harry was not going to break...Harry broke" part was hilarious. So humour wise, I think your fine ;) What I really liked was how you managed to keep this mysterious and compelling to read but still with a funny element in it at the same time; it works really well if you can get the right mix of the three, which I think you did :D
You asked about this being too rushed, but I don't think it was. You kept the dialogue and actions all balanced perfectly, so it was clear to the reader what was happening. I was just slightly uncertain of one thing; the way to actually time travel. So you mentioned Harry wanting to find the stone again ("you didn't easily forget the time that you walked to a crazy dark lord, hoping he would murder you." Lol XD) Does that mean he found a way in the book to time travel using the Resurrection Stone? It sounds really interesting :D
So while I'm on the subject of the book: I thought that Tim E. Wimey name was so clever. I would never have thought of it myself and I was just so impressed. It's such a creative idea and also gives an immediate connection from the story to the title for the reader. It was a great touch to add to the story :)
Characterisation! You did a pretty good job for the most part. Hermione was absolutely spot on. One line of hers I liked especially was the "How about this? We research." Ahaha, that would be such a Hermione thing to say, I'm almost surprised JKR never put it in the original series. I think you managed Harry's character really well too. His feelings were described accurately, I could definitely understand him getting excited if he could have Sirius back. The one thing I thought was a tiny bit uncharacteristic of him was to use alcohol as a form of escaping from real life. The subsequent stuff...yeah, because, hello? He's drunk. I just don't think it would be like him to get drunk because he was having a rough time in the first place. To drink a bit? Probably likely. But to get drunk? I'm not so sure. But it's your story and I was never great at characteristic stuff anyway so correct me if you think I'm wrong :)
And I think that's all I have to say! Thank you for a very enjoyable read- please feel free to rerequest ;D
Hello, thank you for the in-depth review! :)
Haha, I've read so many time travel fics that I love and that are super serious, so I wanted to try something different, you know? I'm glad to know it worked :)
As for the time- travel aspect, hopefully that is explained in more detail in the future chapters ^^
I'm glad you like the name. Honestly I have no idea how I cam up with it lol. I was just watching Doctor Who for the millionth time, and really wanted to use it within the story somehow xD
Thanks for pointing that drinking stuff out! To be honest, I just really needed to make him read that book, but I didn't think he would read it under normal circumstances, you know, and it all just devolved from there. I'll try to think of another way if it fits, and edit the story in that case
Thank you so much for the review. You've been immensely helpful xx
Hi, I'm here with a very late review for you! The past few days have been kind of mad, and the next few days will be the same, so this is kind of the only time I can squeeze in your reviews. I'm really sorry, because I know you've been waiting for a while :)
Okay, let's get started, then! This was a really exciting chapter, when they were planning all their stuff. I hadn't imagined Neville would know, or that Tim E. Wimey would have something to do with Herbology. To be honest, you did a great job of just packing in loads of unexpected stuff into this chapter. I really liked it, though- it makes for a much more interesting read ;)
PLOT TWIST WHERE TIM WIMEY IS A GIRL AND PHINEAS ACTUALLY CONFIDES AND HAS A DECENT CONVERSATION WITH THE TRIO (AND NEVILLE) Timonesia, the poor woman...what were her parents thinking naming her that?
Omg, but I swear that the part with Tim's tale was my favourite part (Phineas and the Trio bonding...okay, I'll stop now) It was so clever and intricate, and I was impressed because there didn't seem to be any flaws in the story concerning confusing Time-Travelling. It all made sense. I did think the fact that Phineas was still alive was a little odd, but I suppose you never know with magic. But yeah, I still absolutely loved it. Like I said before, it didn't get confusing, which is a major feat in itself, especially when it involves killing past selves. Phineas is truly a Slytherin for pretending for 60 years, but I also felt sorry for him. I loved how you took us deeper into his character, and even showed feelings of remorse in him when he killed his wife. You still managed to keep him like he is in canon, but at the same time provided a (very believable, I have to say) back story. Of course he would go and remarry into a respectable family, though, and let everyone else forget Timonesia. *sigh*
I just have a question I thought of now, as I was writing this. Would he not get disowned for marrying someone like Tim? We know now that she was pretty wild and...not the type the Blacks would approve of. So it left me wondering :)
I think your flow and characterisation were both great in this chapter. I don't have much to say about the former, since it all seemed to run pretty smoothly to me. For this chapter, I think your characterisation was totally on point, though. Neville with his obvious love of Herbology, then Hermione wanting to study, research and being all mature, and Harry being...well, Harry. Like, the bit when he's evidently trying to be all noble and trying to stop Hermione and Neville coming with him. (Honestly, Harry) And then Hermione's slap! It was so funny. It wasn't as funny when she started crying (*sniffles*) but it would definitely be in her character to do that. Ron, like you mentioned in the chapter, did seem to be much more serious. But of course, that would just be Fred's death having its effects, which is the explanation you gave. In my opinion, he seemed to be much devoted to his family than before, and not quite as adventurous. But I think that would have the same explanation as above :)
Oh, wait, I have one more thing to say. So...as much as I liked the part with Phineas, I thought he was being too civil towards the Trio. Wow, that sounds so nitpicky it's actually stupid. Don't get me wrong, the other elements of his character were perfect, it's just this. The beginning was fine, because he had that hilarious (but annoying) attitude we know he has from the books. I think just afterwards? To be honest, I don't even think this is such a big problem (seriously, the rest was so good I almost just got distracted by it) but I thought I'd point out a few details anyway. 1. Not sure Phineas would address Hermione as 'Ms. Granger'. I feel he would call her just 'Granger', if not 'mudblood'. 2. I don't think he cares about the Trio enough to advise them to be careful.
BUT- those points could easily just be explained away. Years of being at Dumbledore's service could have influenced Phineas to not call people 'mudblood' anymore, and Phineas could simply be more caring than we think he is (I mean, he was a headmaster after all, they're supposed to care.)
So, why did I mention that. I felt like I had to give you some sort of CC and that was pretty much the only thing I could find fault with :)
That was another very enjoyable chapter. I'm sorry this is such a ridiculously long-winded review, and apologies once again for the delay. I hope this was (mildly) helpful for you- thanks for requesting!
Hello! I'm here with another review for you! :)
Yes, Hermione, I hate Dumbledore as well for the exact same reasons. It was nice to see different opinions of him for once :) (Nope, Harry, you totally aren't going to call you poor kid ALBUS SEVERUS in the future. Definitely not)
Wow, really. Hermione practically gave them a whole lecture on Time Travelling laws. But I have to say that, if your goal when writing that particular part was to creep me out, it was definitely achieved. 15 billion years?? That's scary...my reaction was the same as Harry's. I just...I don't even want to think about what must have happened to her.
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before in previous reviews, but it's so impressive how you don't get the readers confused. Time travelling is one of the most unclear and confusing things (not to mention something which creates massive plot holes) in the books, but honestly, the way you explain it all makes it seem almost simple. Even thought it's clearly not for Harry...he didn't even realise seeing Snape would mean he could see his parents again? Geez.
I almost forgot you asked about this being boring. And I think not. You've managed to build up lots of anticipation here (I'm kinda mad because you left this on such a cliffhanger) to keep us reading, and the humour always helps too. (Lol, the sex change spell) This is probably me being dumb, but was the point of the beginning when they mention horcruxes? The point of their journey was to save Sirius, wasn't it? Or as far as I know...I have been reading this correctly, haven't I??
About the Time turner thing. Like I said above, it was mostly pretty clear, but new canon (aka Cursed Child) states that it IS possible to go back in time for more than a few hours. Albus and Scorpius travel back to Harry's time, so Hermione's statement's incorrect. Although there is a law (also mentioned in CC) that says it's not possible to travel back in time for more than a few hours- without slightly changing history.
Also, I reread the last chapter (because why not) and I spotted two small accidents I hadn't noticed so I thought I'd mention it here. "...I appeared in my office on the 28th of October 1965, on the same day that she had vanished for the first time." I think it's supposed to be 1865. And also here: Harry, Hermione and Neville stood in horrified silence. There was a glittering in Phineas Nigellus' eyes that might have been tears, as he paused, and I wondered if this was the first time he had shared this story with anyone. You accidentally switch to first person. I'm guessing it was unintentional? :)
I'm so sorry, I feel like this review is basically made up of criticism which I'm not sure is even constructive, but you should know that I really am enjoying this story so far. It's a pity you don't have the next chapters up yet... ;)
Thanks for requesting! I'm sorry it took a century to get two reviews done :P
Banner by Evanlyn @ TDA!
"Mummy, do monsters really exist?"
So I came here to review the story you wrote for my challenge...needless to say I got a little sidetracked :P
This was absolutely creepy, it made my blood run cold. She killed her own mother! And she was so sweet and innocent in the beginning! She's like...and undead monster, and I was so terrified.
I really liked the writing style in this- but I'm probably going to have nightmares. Great job! :D
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Glad it was chilling and made an impact as that was my aim xD
(banner by me)
Most say your actions define your character. But others would disagree: one’s life is not determined by the things he does, but by the things he does not do. I think it’s our secrets that really make us who we are.
A Severus Snape POV.
*transferred from HPFF*
Hi, I'm here with your requested review! :)
Hm...this was definitely a very interesting read for me. Snape POVs are tricky to write, given the character's complexity, but I think you managed it quite well here. You did a fantastic job depicting his double life (...triple if you count Hogwarts) so we got a sense of both Snape the Death Eater and Snape the Trusted Servant. His feelings were painful to read about (don't take this the wrong way, it was a good thing :)) but I loved how you tied the story to the title with mentions of the burning Dark Mark at the end of each paragraph. It was a clever touch to add.
Eileen Prince is Irma Pince is a theory I actually haven't heard of, but it's pretty convincing, in my opinion. I know it doesn't belong to you but you still made brilliant use of it. Which leads on to my next point: Snape's relationship with his mum. Honestly, this is the first fic I've read where the two of them interact. It was kind of interesting how you portrayed their relationship. Snape seemed to actually care for her wellbeing and got on quite well with her. This might be canon, I don't know, but I always imagined he would have bitter feelings towards both of his parents (I mean, his upbringing was pretty lousy) His dad because he abused him, and his mum because she didn't stand up to him, and because I don't think she's really a motherly type (if what we've seen of her as a librarian proves anything) But I suppose we all have our own head canons ;)
I've talked about one theory, so...Draco is a werewolf! I've heard this one, but I don't think it's true tbh. You incorporated it quite well into the story, and I really liked how Snape tried to help and gave him the Wolfsbane potion. You really brought out all the good in him in this story :) However, I do think that it could have been mentioned a little more. Yes, you had the scene where Draco refused Snape's help (wise choice...) but after that it's sort of forgotten, and makes it seem (ONLY A BIT!) like you just wrote about it for the sake of having something else interesting to write about. Sorry if that came across as harsh? It seriously wasn't bad at all...I would have just liked to see a bit more :)
You mentioned whether it was realistic and if it fit canon. Definitely, you aren't deviating from canon, and 99% of the story sounded realistic enough. There was one point that struck me as a bit odd, which was when Irma Pince said she was Eileen. I thought it didn't sound like natural dialogue, so I think it would have worked better if you had just mentioned it in descriptions or something? But I get that it was easier to put it in speech.
Anyway, that aside, this was a great read for me! Thanks for the request :D
Thank you so much for this review and the constructive criticism - in no way was that harsh, in fact always very welcome!
I'm glad that overall you liked the story and the characterization.
As for your comment on Snape and his mum, I agree that he probably has bitter feelings due to his lousy upbringing. I still think he loves his mum, just as any son does, and he cares for her. But also he avoids her for extended times and postpones replying to her letters - so I tried to make it sound not so perfect.
Draco being a werewolf is not true, JKR had dismissed this theory on twitter - so I chose to write about this knowing that it's not canon. You are probably right that I should have gotten into more details about this to make it sound realistic and give more detail, but I don't see how that could fit to the style of this one-shot built from just short scenes.
I went back to check the dialogue line you say didn't sound natural "I'm quite sure no one will ever suspect, that Irma Pince is anagram for I am Prince." hm... you might have a point there, but I'm not sure how to change it. I mean I wanted to make it clear at this point that Madam Prince was Snape's mother, and also I wanted to give a detail as to why this is a plausible theory. Anyway thanks for pointing that out, I will give it some further thought and might still change it.
banner by milominderbinder@tda
"I wish there was a way to practice first," Dean commented. "Y'know, before the real thing."
"We could," Seamus said. "We could practice together."
Dean balked, and Seamus held up his hands.
"No, no, hear me out." Seamus' cheeks flooded with red and Dean felt like his were just as hot. "Ya don't want a girl to think you're a shit snog, because she'll go tell all the other girls, and then you'll never get another one."
"But I'm not-" Dean lowered his voice. "You're my best mate. My best guy mate. I'm not gay."
*review transfer from ao3 :)
banner by padmeamidalas@tda!
"Two days. We've been flatmates for two days."
*another review transfer from ao3 ;)
Hi, I'm here again for Capture The Flag! ;)
Some things, once lost, are gone forever
Written for Winding Arrow's Amnesia Challenge
*transferred from HPFF*
Here for BvB tag! :)
Omg, I can't deal with this right now *runs to the bathroom to cry for 5 minutes* This is SO DEPRESSING BUT I STILL LOVE IT, HOW?! And how could you do this to poor George?! ITS SO AWFUL FOR HIM AND AGHH!!!
...I'm done ranting, so. I really liked this; it was absolutely stunning. Your descriptions of George's feelings and confusion at what had happened were brilliantly detailed and gave me a really clear feel of his character. The mentions of bits of his past life (like the toilet seat, lol) were nice touches you added, and provided us with something to link this back to canon with.
I think my favourite part was the letter. All the while I was reading it I was thinking 'Is this Lee Jordan or something...?' and suddenly out came your ending: it was George himself all along. It just hit me hard, and my heart really went out to him as the regret started to settle in and just...ugh, you made me want to cry, damnit! :P
Also, did his family actually die? Or was he solely talking about Fred or what? If they did...how come? It's the one thing I was a little unsure of.
But seriously, this was amazing. It's not hard to see why it's nominated for F.R.O.G.S. The storyline was interesting, characterisation was great...really, it just hit all the right notes. Well done :D
Lyall Lupin finds an unexpected friend. For the "Battle of the Genres" Challenge on MNFF.
For second chances.
*transferred from HPFF*
I apologise for this late review, life was taking over a little more than usual :P
Okay, so I thought this was a cute story, and it was certainly very fun to read. I really liked the way you portrayed Lyall and Andromeda as friends, then a couple. There didn't seem to be much chemistry between them before, so Andromeda's kiss was rather unexpected. But afterwards, they were great together (I was so happy when they got married in the end). What I thought was very good was the fact that they didn't seem like your normal romantic teenage couple; you actually acknowledged the fact that both of them are old. Lyall and Andromeda weren't overly mushy with each other but you could still clearly tell that they loved each other, so well done on that! :)
Lol, I found the bit when Harry's helping out with Teddy's really funny. "This is disgusting"...yes, Harry, he's a baby. Deal with it.
Alright, moving on! I loved the part with the Scamanders. Your characterisation of Newt was totally on point, with him clearly being used to all the animals. Their Niffler trying to steal Andromeda's jewellery was a nice touch, which I thought really helped to enhance the whole scene in general.
I was a tiny bit confused by the beginning? Remus and Tonks (I loved how you depicted them, just saying. Also Lyall and Andromeda's memories of them both...:D) were clearly still alive then, but afterwards you mentioned that they were both dead. Did you have a skip in time that I missed (because I'm dumb)? Or were the beginning scenes somehow memories? I just thought it was a little vague and could be explained some more. I only noticed because later on Andromeda has her, I'm going to call it breakdown, where she's angry and says she hates Remus for leaving her.
And about that. Wow. It was so moving, and you took us into the much darker and angrier aspect of Andromeda's character. She seemed like a kind and cheerful person most of the time, and then this. It hit me hard, and I was feeling so sorry for her, especially since people literally never write about her losses in the wars. But then Lyall came and calmed her down so I suppose it's okay :)
All in all...well, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. This is a great piece you have here, detailed and intricate, with a unique pairing too. Right. You mentioned believability, and I think it was fine. As in, I could see it happening give the circumstances so I don't think you need to worry about that. And I think that's all I have to say, so thank you for the requesting! Feel free to come back with a re-request ;D
For Wolfgirl's "Dark Turn" Challenge.
Prompt: Minerva McGonagall bakes biscuits for her new colleague, Remus Lupin.
Oh wow. That was an intense story. *coughs awkwardly while trying to find something more constructive to say*
Okay, so I really liked this. You did an amazing job with McGonagall's character, especially in the flashbacks. I definitely agree that Remus would have been one of her favourite students, and I could totally see her being excited to be working with him and baking biscuits for him. He was the one who cast the spell, right?! It's mentioned that it looks a bit like a doe...so was it Snape maybe? I still think it's Remus because the idea of him saving her from a demented while she made him biscuits is just perfect :)
The flashbacks! I think you made them work extremely well, and they gave me a much deeper insight into McGonagall's character. You managed to effortlessly convey powerful emotions while still having a good storyline. I honestly wanted to scream when McGonagall was talking about Sirius being bad- HE IS GOOD AND HE IS NOT A DEATH EATER :( And the scene with Dorcas...methinks I have too many emotions. I'd never imagined McGonagall and Dorcas together but the line "she was more than your ally" etc was just so convincing and I could actually picture them as a couple. Then came "And now she was dead" and it hit me hard, I felt so sorry for McGonagall :(
But anyway, I think you did a wonderful job with this! I think some parts were just a bit rushed, like the demented scene, but it mostly felt all natural, and I loved the interaction between Lupin and McGonagall. Well done :)
Hey, there! Hello! Thank you so much for this lovely surprise review! :D
I'm so glad you liked my portrayal of McGonagall and all the memories and also the special affection she has for Remus. Who wouldn't love him, honestly?
It was Snape who saved her in the end, also because Remus wasn't at Hogwarts yet in that moment. But I can see why you would like the idea of Remus saving her instead...
I'm so glad the flashbacks helped giving McGonagall's character more depht and that you felt they weaved well with the biscuits' storyline. Yes, I know... it's sad how everyone believed Sirius was guilty... :( And yes, Dorcas... :'( I've never really thought about them as a couple either, before writing this. But we actually don't know much about Dorcas' character, so why not? I'm sorry this was so painful.
Thank you so much, I'm so glad you loved this!
Thank you for the lovely review!
Will Albus be able to pursue a true romance with the person he loves? He's found friendship with Scorpius while sparks fly whenever he meets with Brandon. Can he follow his heart before it's too late?
A story about life, love, making choices, and - most of all - growing up.
*review transfer from HPFF for HPFT Final Exams Flying Lessons :)
Hi I'm here for Capture The Flag! :)
So, I kind of just jumped straight into this story without even reading the beginning, so apologies in advance that this review will be a bit all over the place.
I don't know who Eliza is, but it was nice to see she was getting married and still managing to meet up with her old school friends. I thought it was so sweet how she still wanted Rose and Agatha to be her bridesmaids, even though she didn't keep in close contact with them. But woah, getting pregnant just so she could ensure David stayed with her? That seems a bit...I don't know, not entirely honest? All I know was my reaction was similar to Rose's. To be honest, I don't know why anyone would want to call it 'genius', it sounds a bit clingy and desperate to me.
Sorry, I got a bit annoyed by that. Moving on! It was interesting how you made Scorpius' relationship with Astoria more stiff and formal. I felt like they kind of just had a lot of awkward small talk- not really what you would expect from a mother and son. Also, is she just another pure blood fanatic? I might have interpreted it wrong, but the line where she thought "as long as that person was unable to provide them with a grandchild". Did it mean she didn't want their bloodline to become tainted or something? I was curious to know :)
Aw, I don't usually read Albus/OC male but this was really cute. And I loved the name Cora, it sounds really pretty. It seemed like Albus and Brandon had had an argument concerning a date, or something like that. If they did, I'm glad they made up :) (But I do hope Scorpius can hurry up and figure out his feelings)
Great job! :D