dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap [Contact]
01 Feb 2017

Call me Deeds! I write the occasional HP fic. Most (all) of my stories all ridiculous. Need a laugh? You've come to the right place. 


New for 2017:

Wordsmith - one-shot

The First Star to the Left - one-shot

Voldemort and the Impromptu Holiday - one-shot

Lily - one-shot

On The Brink - WIP; novel

Weasley - WIP; short story

Hormones - one-shot

Gran - one-shot

Dating Hannah - now complete!

Painful Bliss - now complete!

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Stories by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap [44]
Series by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap [1]
Favorite Series [0]
dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap's Favorites [17]
Reviews by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap

Tugging the Dragon's Heartstring by pookha

Rated: Teen Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstar

Banner by prospero from TDA.
Charlie Weasley has loved and lost twice. Can his broken heart find love again?

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 22 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Their bright yellow robes stood out in the crowd like goldfinches in a murder of ravens.


I'm still getting used to this reviewing system but the above was my favorite line. It gave me chills and I was instantly thrown into their relationship. I really wanted it to work! 

I loved the entire flow of this story. I knew it wasn't going to be easy for Charlie but I was invested in each of his relationships. First with Tonks, the innocence between the two, the connection. They just seemed happy. It was beautiful to see and then completely heartbreaking once she died. He still loved her after all of those years and was happy for her but I think she was a woman worth pining for. Then when he says it should have been him and then mentions Fred! Oh! Tears welled up in my eyes. 

Luna and Charlie are an interesting pairing. Heck, I think Luna with anyone is interesting. She's just a wonderful character. She's very blunt but she never means to be mean. I think she creates wonder and mystery in a relationship without meaning to. I understand what he could see in her. 

But together forever? A long lasting relationship? No. Luna has always needed someone that it similar to her and Charlie isn't that guy. I felt for him when Rolf asked him to be his best man. That's really putting salt in the wound. At least she was nice enough to apologize and feel sorry for him. 

I like that you leave us hanging in the end. He might get into a relationship with her. He might not. But I think Charlie finally met his match. 

Great story!

Author's Response:

Ohh, I'm glad you liked this story. It's one of my favorites that I've written. I agree that Luna and Charlie would be a bad long-term relationship, and I'm starting to see that with my OTP of Luna/Harry. 

Charlie/Tonks has so many possibilities since we know so little about their youth, it gives us a wide field to play with and still possibly stay canon or at least not contradict canon. I love the idea of Charlie still loving Tonks even though their jobs take them vastly different places.


Rolf didn't know that Charlie was having a hard time letting go of Luna, so he didn't mean to rub salt, but Luna's perceptive and picked it up. She understands, but still has to do what's right for her. Yes, Luna is blunt, but not cruel, she's kinda the opposite of Ron that way (and I like Ron, but he can be a bit cruel at times with words). 

Glad you enjoyed the slight cliffhanger with Griselda. 


Thanks again for the very kind review.

Mr Ted's Picnic by pookha

Rated: All Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstar


Great banner by Magpie from TDA

Mr Ted is missing! Oh, no! What will Hermione and Rosie do?

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 14 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

First I want to say thank you for organizing CTF and for everything else you do for HPFT! I loved playing CTF and I'm happy to be part of this community. 


WOW! I loved this story. You really had me going there for a second. I thought there was something seriously wrong with the bear like it had been possessed or something. It never occured to me that Rosie was doing magic! I was pleasantly surprised at the end. I loved the build up and the fact that Hermione had the same reaction as me. She was completely shocked at first and just stood there stuck. Hilarious! And then once she pieced it all together it was just the sweetest moment ever. I loved this story. I really did. It totally warmed my heart and it was honestly so believable and original. I think I have a new challenge idea for when my challenge ends now. Great job!

Author's Response:

Aw, thanks, but I had nothing to do with CTF, it was other staffers.

I'm really glad that you liked this story, and I think this shows that a story doesn't have to be M rated with violence and sex to have a good narrative. I'm so glad you think I caught Hermione's reactions well and that she was secretly pleased with Rosie's magic.


Thanks so much for this kind review.

Confessions of a Marrying Murderess by Dojh167

Rated: Mature Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstar

Banner by AnnaBlack @TDA. 2nd Place in CherryBear's "Hooking First Sentence" Challenge

Carla Zabini has issues. Her husbands have more.


Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 22 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Confessions of a Marrying Murderess

Holy smokes. That was amazing! You know I never really was convinced that she killed them. At least not all of her husbands because rumors are just rumors after all. Then again sometimes there are truths to a rumor. But man. You really laid it out here in such a convincing way. I actually felt sorry for her, which I'm not sure I should. I mean she was so young at first and her first husband was horrible I could understand wanting to protect yourself and fight back but she never did anything to him. And then to finally get to that point to murder someone because you're curious and people are already saying it anyway so why not bite the bullet. Oh good heavens, that's horrible! But so so convincing! I would have loved to see the other side of things and what Blaise thinks about his mother. That would be a great companion piece. 

Author's Response:

Oh wow, I didn't see I got all of these reviews from you! Thank you very much!

And particular thanks for reviewing this story! I wrote it I think 7 years ago, but I still love when it gets some attention. It was really fun to write the complexities of Carla, and it's great to see you appreciating them, both how sympathetic she can be, but also genuinely twisted she becomes. The funny thing is that I would be interested in reading a story of Blaise's perspective, but I don't connect with his character enough to want to write it myself. At least for now ;)

Thanks so much!

Unaffected by Dojh167

Rated: All Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star

Third Place in Unicorn_Charm's Between Two Wars Challenge | Banner by Idioteque

Quirinus Quirrell couldn't care less that the First Wizarding War is over.

He also couldn't care less for his students, but he unfortunately still has to deal with them.

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 10 Sep 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Unaffected

Nobody speak to me, nobody look at me,” his mind whispered with every step. Of course, the students seemed as uninterested in his presence as ever.


Why is it that this is how I head to work every morning? Are you sure you aren’t writing about me? Because the moment I get into work and I have to leave my office at any given moment I silently say in my head: No one speak to me. I just don’t like people either. Poor guy, we could have been friends…except we would have never spoken to each other.


Wow. I never read a story about Quirrell before. I’m intrigued actually and would love to read more. He seems like such a complex character and yet he sort of reminds me of Severus in a way, just a tad more…ah…open. Even though he dislikes people. I love the way you described him and his pure annoyance with, well, just about everyone. I think you really hit the nail on the head though in the story when he’s teaching. His students are questioning him and you can kind of feel the annoyance and this haughty attitude of his shrink away momentarily because come on, who really cares for Muggle Studies? And then I liked that he kind of questioned to himself, ‘Hey, maybe Voldemort was right…’ which is ironic, especially with the closing sentence because we all know what happens to him, don’t we? I kind of feel bad for Quirrell but at the same time I don’t. He just seems like a body of a person and not an actual person, which makes sense because that’s what he later becomes. Really wonderful read. It was short but gave a good insight into a character no one otherwise gives a second thought about. I kind of wish you would have done a complete character study about him and just fleshed out everything about him so we could get a deeper understand of his character and I enjoyed your writing style so the request is partly selfish on my end.

Author's Response:

Hello Deeds!


This is a kind of funky story for me. I’m not especially fond of it, but at the same time it’s the first thing that I wrote after being away from writing for a very long time, so it’s got a kind of special place in my heart for that.


I think when I started writing this I just kind of had the idea for the sort of punchline, and as I wrote it Quirrell’s personality expressed itself in ways that I didn’t totally expect, but kind of enjoy. As I wrote it I became very aware that I was channeling myself in some ways and my own issues with anxiety (which was a good reminder of how therapeutic writing can be for me), but Quirrell has a much more sardonic vibe than me, and in him, anxiety brings out a darker shade of the antisocial. (so no, I was writing about me, not you, but it turns out we all have some things in common)


I thought of Quirrell as really a very small man, kind of pathetic in his insignificance. And he was small because he made himself small by closing other people out and taking no interest in the larger world around him. I don’t think he grows into any greatness by his eventual association with Voldemort, but rather Voldemort sees his smallness and his apathy and sees he can use him as a shell towards his own ends. I think your comment that “He just seems like a body of a person and not an actual person” is very apt.


Thank you very much for the read and comments!



A Happy Holiday Indeed by PaulaTheProkaryote

Rated: All Audiences • 13 Reviews starstarstarstar

Incredible banner by victus. @TDA.

Dobby, a free elf, receives the best Christmas present he could have asked for.

Written for Marshal's 'Tis the Season Challenge

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 20 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter 1



This warmed my heart. I adore Dobby. This actually brought some tears to my eyes. I figured he'd end up at Hogwarts in the end but getting there was so much better! To have Dumbledore come and offer him the position. He must've known Dobby was lonely. Oh and then to have dinner with him and talk about knitting patterns. That's just so sweet. Dobby is quite the host. I think I would have enjoyed his duck too. I loved when he was bartering with Dumbledore. A very Dobby thing to do. I can't get over how lovely this story was. 

Burning Inside by cambangst

Rated: Mature Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star

Only Bellatrix could truly see the beauty in the suffering of the unworthy. Only she had been granted the vision to know and to understand how their pain was glory to her master.


Banner by the amazing angelic. @ TDA

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: The Perfect Servant

Transferred from HPFF --


A few hours ago I got home from work and I realized something was missing in my life. I read a book for the first time in many years. Not a textbook. Not someone’s research but a story, something that had a beginning, middle and an end. The wheels in my head started turning and that has not happened in such a long time. 

Somehow this led me to you. 

Only Bellatrix could truly see the beauty in the suffering of the unworthy. Only she had been granted the vision to know and to understand how their pain was glory to her master. 

The entire introductory paragraph is chilling but once I got up to this part it made me smile. Is smiling at the thought of torture healthy? No. Look what you do to your readers. I feel like this portion describes Bellatrix to a ‘t.’ If I didn’t know anything about her character beforehand this would reveal her soul to me. Bellatrix has soul, hers is just different than everyone else’s. 

It strained against her control, barely contained, screaming out in vengeance against the pathetic insects who would deny her master his rightful place. His absolute authority over a world where only the pure practiced magic.

She chaotic. The second paragraph gave me goosebumps because I could hear the yelling and it is too much to handle for a sane person. Jeez. She’s horrifying. Bellatrix would have been a great character in Silence of the Lambs. 

I think her and Lector would get along great. 


“If you want something done right...”

Typical woman. Haha. 

bathing the entire world in a furious kaleidoscope of spinning, twisting screams.

Personally I feel like you could have used a different word regarding kaleidoscope. It was stronger when you used it in the opening paragraph and using it again later on kind of takes away the strength of the opening scene for me. 

When the Dark Lord “cleansed” her that freaked me out. I never realized how much of a God she really saw him as. I think when I was younger I saw Bellatrix as a crazed and desperate woman but I think my perception of her has changed over the years. Crazy? Yeah, I guess. But when someone has such a hold over you and you believe in them so much…it could drive anyone insane. 

I loved the transitions! I didn’t even see the changes coming and I like that in a story. I don’t want to know too much too soon but it wasn’t like whiplash so I could still follow along. I would have liked more to the scene with her father but any longer and the mystery between her former life and the present would have ruined it. I wanted more but I didn’t. I make very little sense.

How I Met Draco Malfoy by maraudertimes

Rated: Mature Audiences • 1 Reviews starstarhalf-star

This beautiful banner is by aigue-marine@TDA who is simply amazing!


Astoria Greengrass has just gotten out of a relationship. Draco Malfoy needs to unwind from work. What happens when a friendly competition turns into something more?

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 20 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: The Meeting Of A Lifetime

Ah! I love me some Draco and Astoria. I never read enough of them. There are too many Draco/Hermione fics out there. I liked that you made the entire meeting into a game. It was very flirtatious and kind of how I could see them getting together. I think Astoria would bring out the fun side of Draco. Also, the vanilla comment was hilarious. I think I'm going to try that on this guy I'm seeing. I wonder if it'll light a fire underneath him. 

My First Date(s) by Dojh167

Rated: All Audiences • 5 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star

2017 Golden Chalice Award Runner Up: Best Light Fic

magnifique_poufsouffle's femslash challenge | Banner by klutzy_kara @ TDA


Katie Bell is learning that you can’t meet your perfect match on your first try. Not always.

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 20 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Oh boy, I'm jelly. I have melted. This was beautiful. I've never read a story focused on Alicia or Katie, they're usually background characters but I can totally see them together. Their dynamic was wonderful. I like that at first you don't really think the two of them are going to get together. I just thought she was trying to be a good friend but then when she set her up with Daphne I kind of felt this unsaid attraction between them. Her interests were piqued but more than normal. I felt it was very believable that it took awhile, a number of bad dates, so-so dates, etc. to finally reach that one. Hey, dating sucks. Sometimes you meet someone amazing and other times you meet Lucifer. I'm glad she met someone amazing, someone that was there all along. 

Author's Response:

Awwwww yay!! Always great to melt readers!

I am a huge sucker for background characters, and even more so for putting them in queer relationships!

I am really glad that you enjoyed their dynamic, and I really appreciate how you liked watching their connection grown, from not thinking they'd get together, to a growing attraction, to fitting together so well. It's always fun to read feedback on this one!

Again, thank you so much for all your lovely reviews!

Flames, Smoke, Disaster by Dojh167

Rated: Teen Audiences • 3 Reviews starstarstarstar

A gift for Treacle Tart for Slytherinchica08's Gift It Challenge | Banner by Hobbit' @ TDA

It is Dean and Seamus' anniversary and things do not go as planned. That's kind of their thing.

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 22 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Flames, Smoke, Disaster

“But,” Seamus mumbles feebly, “It was supposed to be a thing. You know, the treacle was our sweetness, the crust was our stability… I like really thought about it.”

AW! I'm mush! This was so sweet. I've never read a fic where they're together but I can totally see it. I officially ship them after this story! It was short but sweet. I loved that he said he killed the pie and Dean is freaking out because why wouldn't he? They've been through so much but I recoken this is early into their relationship and not so far after the war. Makes sense. I also loved the end when he says he might have killed the flowers too. It was just a nice addition to show yeah, they really do belong together. 

Author's Response:


I honestly wasn't sure if this would come off as sweet or not considering the dark beginning, but I am glad it is recieved that way. I can't seem to write prurely fluffy fluff, so this is about as close as it gets for me!

I haven't read a ton of Dean/Seamus myself, but at the same time I pretty much accept them as a headcanon couple. They so logically go together for me, that the friendship we see between them in the books is only the surface of how deep their relationship becomes. I wrote this as a gift for Kaitlin since they are one of her OTPs, and I'm very thankful I had a reason to finally get around to writing them!

Hiders by Dojh167

Rated: Teen Audiences • 3 Reviews starstarstarhalf-star

Banner by Vault 713 @ TDA


“Did you hear that?”




“But it could be him - “

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 20 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Hiders

You know this was really intriguing. At first I thought this story was going to be about hiding from Voldemort but you kind of gave it a different spin. I actually was convinced they were just playing a game but then as your descriptions of their feelings and fears came through some more I realized no, this was not a game, but that's how you keep children calm, isn't it? Pretty darn believable. Also sad. Eerie. 

Author's Response:

duplicate review

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 20 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Hiders

You know this was really intriguing. At first I thought this story was going to be about hiding from Voldemort but you kind of gave it a different spin. I actually was convinced they were just playing a game but then as your descriptions of their feelings and fears came through some more I realized no, this was not a game, but that's how you keep children calm, isn't it? Pretty darn believable. Also sad. Eerie. 

Author's Response:


This is the kind of story where it's very hard to control what people will suspect when. My ideal was to have people think it was a game and then realize the reality at the end, but I don't think you're the first person to say you thought it was about Voldemort, and then a game, and then reality again. I actually kind of think that is more of a compliment, that I could get you away from thinking it was about Voldemort. So I really appreciate getting that feedback - I haven't heard too much about this story. Thanks!

Hope by Jo Raskoph

Rated: Teen Audiences • 13 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star

Through all of it, through the fear, the devastation, you held onto your hope, nurtured it lovingly like you would have the baby you longed for. * To Hannah Longbottom, happiness doesn’t come naturally.

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 05 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Part One

Hannah has learned that fear or anger or resignation are not the opposite of hope, as one might assume—all of these can co-exist at the same time.

I'm going to apologize in advance because I'm not entirely sure I can read this story in its fully capacity. It has nothing to do with your writing, well partially, because I have been enjoying your stories. It is the fact that it seems you can sink into my emotions and make me feel deeply connected to the characters in all of these situations you've been writing about. Pregnancy is a difficult issue for me because I don't think I can have a child and I've tried to really come to terms with that. I've taken tests and the doctors say well, it doesn't seem like anythings wrong that we can figure out anyway so when it comes down to it well, there's always IVF. I'm at this stage in my life where everyone else is getting married and having kids and I don't think I'm going to have any of that so this story might tear me in two if I read the entire thing. 

But I promise to review as much as I can and read as much of it as I can because I knew it will be worth it and a little cathartic if I can get through it. 

was an unsaid “I love you“ and “I believe in us“ and “We’ll still try“.

I appreciate Neville. I do but mean seriously just do not get it. It's like we're told this thing our entire life that we were literally made to have kids. We were given a uterus and whatever else for a reason. Right? Some of us don't want to have kids (and hey I'm part of those people or at least that's what I tell people because of the above) and some of us do. But it's like you know when you can't or you have to struggle for it the 'I believe in us' and the 'well we have to try' is just so heart breaking and can really make or break you. And yeah sometimes men are the issue. It's their sperm but it still hits women ten times harder. 

I don't even know how to leave this review. I'm not entirely sure what to say. I've just been sitting at my desk staring at my computer screen for the past five minutes. You managed to capture Hannah's doubts and fears quite well. They kind of mirror mine except I've not there just yet but it still didn't make this story less shocking and heartbreaking. That doubt just never leaves you. That pain is there forever. My aunt had miscarriages, twins, and she never got over it. To this day she still won't go to baby showers but everyone that hasn't gone through that experience tells her to get over it. It's been years. What's the big deal? I know other people too that went through the same thing. It's not a light subject. It's not an easy fix. I'm actually thankful that you didn't bring us with Hannah on the rest of her journey. I don't need to know what happens next. I don't want to pity her. I don't want to have false hope for her either. The mention of Alice too was chilling. Gosh, can you write a happy story next time? Please? 

Living After Midnight by cambangst

Rated: Mature Audiences • 3 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star

All thoughts of his bed were gone, replaced by a strong desire to increase the humiliation that was invariably going to befall Regulus and his idiot friend.

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Glenda. Her name was Glenda.

Review transferred from HPFF -


First, however, he’d need to remember her name. Genevieve? Gwendolyn? Why did witches always have to have such complicated names?

Seriously? You know what’s really funny? I went on a job interview today and for the life of me I could not remember the guys name. I spoke to him for almost an hour, great conversation, but didn’t know his name for the entire time. Why do people have to have such hard names? Or mumble when they say it? Haha. 

Still doesn’t fly with me that Sirius doesn’t know her name though. I hate that about guys. A guy hits on you, can spend twenty minutes talking to you and then breezily go, what’s your name again? 

Walk away dude. Walk away. 

After he calmed down, Sirius had to admit that they looked better tight.

Sirius almost makes me hate him. He really does. I have a love-hate relationship with him because he really is such a dog. 

I should probably blame the hormones, shouldn’t I?

Some poncey ballad about being the champions of the world or something like that.

Hey now, Sirius! I’ve had many fun times listening to this song in seedy bars and cheering with a drink in my hand. 

“Well you could have warned me that you have a cold,” Regulus responded weakly, looking equal parts embarrassed and dejected.

HAHA! These two. Dumb and dumber. 

Dan, Dan, Dan, you’ve done it again. I was thoroughly amused from the beginning to end. Sirius in his younger years is always fun to read about. As much as I enjoyed Regulus and Travers I liked the ending too with James and Sirius. Friendship is funny, isn’t it? You can root for your friend but give them a little hell along the way for your amusement. Lord knows I’ve done that every now and then.

Unforgivable by Beeezie

Rated: Mature Audiences • 8 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star

banner by abhorsen. @TDA



Some scars last a lifetime.

July 1999


Winner of round one TidalDragon's 'Knockout' challenge at HPFF

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 30 Apr 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Unforgivable

The windows had been bolted shut the year before to stop students from receiving unmonitored mail in the night or escaping to wreak havoc on the grounds, and now the still air gave her nightmares.
Hello! Here for some extra reviews. I hope you enjoyed all of our reviews for CTF! For me it's a mini victory getting to read and review as many stories of yours that I want because they are so enjoyable. I picked out the above line because wow. I know all involved (or around the war) would have some sort of PTSD. It's understandable because war isn't an easy thing but I forget the 'little' things. I say 'little' because something that you used to do everyday without a second thought can bring up a painful reminder. The window. The dungeons. Etc. There's no sense of normalcy. That's just sad. 
“Astoria!” There was that smile again -
Maybe because I feel so intone with Astoria at the moment and am sucking in all of her pain but Daphne, come on, really? Uh. She just suddenly annoyed me out of nowhere. The smile. It's making my skin crawl. 
That’s why I had to save you from yourself, Tori - you like to play at being the hero, but really, you’re just a little girl playing dress up with your mother’s clothes.” 
GET A LIFE DAPHNE, YOU AWFUL WITCH. Who does that to their sister? I mean really that's horrible! Why would you, how could you...I can't even form complete sentences here. I feel so much rage I want to just smack her. I would never be able to forgive her. That isn't a small thing and she's acting like what she did was no big deal. She just wanted to control her. That's it! Did she seriously care about her well being? Uh. I highly doubt that. Yeah, I might not know their relationship and full backstory but Daphne would be dead to me if she was my sister. I wouldn't even have small talk with her. I'd just tell people Daphne, who's that? I have no recollection of having a sister. 
No! Why is this story over already? I want more. Your little snippets leave me in suspense. That's not very nice you know. :P I guess as much as I hate Daphne I wouldn't get her sent to Azkaban either but you know what I would do--once I'm a better (or at least can keep it together long enough) I'd really hold it over her head if I ever ran into her because I'm a petty person. 
I wish we could have learned more about her brother. I felt like their interaction was so short. I suppose it works because what else was there to say? She found him, he comforted her and that was that. She wasn't going to divulge anything to him. I hope one day she does just because it would mean she accepts the fact that she wasn't weak. Imperius is hard. Her brother might be able to break free of it and Harry Potter and whoever but she was completely caught off guard and not in the right state of mind. And Harry might be the savior of the Wizarding World but even he was weak at one point. It look lessons and team effort to get him where he needed to be. Daphne is just a rude cow. 

Taking the cheesy way out by melian

Rated: All Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstar

Banner by sundrops


Feeling the pressure to live up to the legacy of his war-hero parents, Teddy Lupin makes a decision that no one expects.


Lovely banner by Sundrops @ TDA

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 20 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Taking the cheesy way out

A cheesemaker, how strange! How original! How enjoyable. I actually liked the part with 'designer' cheeses and how he was questioning the whole thing. I'm glad he stuck with it and figured he would because she knew Remus. I wish there would have been more to the story. It would have been humorous to read about his cheese making skills and the entire process. Plus, I liked Gerta/Greta as a character. You could do so much with her! 

Author's Response:

Thanks Deeds! It was a cute idea so when Alo offered it to me I grabbed it with both hands. The opportunity to use Greta as a connection to Remus (as she is a canon character who was born in the same year as he was) was too good to let go. Though, I don't think I could go further into the cheesemaking business - I'd have to figure out how they did it first! :) Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it. 

cheers Mel

Incandescence by TreacleTart

Rated: Teen Audiences • 5 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star

Percy Weasley with fireworks exploding behind him

Stunning Banner by Enigma @ TDA! 


Percy Weasley hasn't enjoyed fireworks in five years. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 07 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Boom

Boom. He could see the wall exploding. Boom. Fred was falling. Boom. He was grabbing at him, trying to save him. Boom. His world flipped upside down.


Oh Perce! I can't see through my watery eyes. I feel so bad for Percy. He really did experience something so taumatic. We could argue they all did but everyone processes things differently and I think Percy would have the hardest time letting things go. He's very set in his ways and anything that brings him out of balance would potentially shock him to his very core. I felt horrible reading about him in his room relieving those memories but it was completely believable.



I am not a fan of fireworks. I am not a fan of the 4th of july. The sounds scare me. Last year I was involved in a false shooting. One minute I was cleaning my store and the next all of my customers started running and they were screaming that someone had a gun. To tell you I was terrified would be an understatement. It turned out these kids were trying to scare everyone and set off a bunch of fireworks inside the mall. It really does sound like a gun going off. I've seen a few signs where I to pretty much be sensible and have a heart because vets live in the area and they can't handle the sound because of PTSD. That's what this story reminds me of.


It's clear his family doesn't know about this trigger because I think they would be respectful to Percy and his pain but there's an obvious shame inside of him that he doesn't want anyone else to know. So sad. Really. 

Shadows in the Mirror by Beeezie

Rated: Mature Audiences • 4 Reviews starstarhalf-star

There are darker mirrors than Erised in the Wizarding World.


1st place in AditiDraco95's 'Death Eater's Victim' challenge at HPFF

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 30 Apr 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Shadows in the Mirror

The whisper cut her so deep, she could feel it in her bones.


Why must you scare me so early in the morning? I felt a little chill in my bones after I read this line and it’s only the first one. Unfair really. Take pity on me and write something happier, okay? I would like some sunshine and daises in the next fic that I read.


A mirror worse than erised? I kind of feel like you’re playing with me here. I mean I’m not entirely sure if this was all real. Was she actually hearing a voice? Was it all in her head? Was she mad? Was she just staring at her own reflection? Was there even a mirror at all? I’m convinced the mirror didn’t actually exist but she had been through so much and tortured so badly maybe she wasn’t looking at anything at all. Does that make sense? You have made me completely paranoid.



From this not-quite-a-corner, she couldn’t see the mirror, and that was the important thing.



See, who says the mirror is actually there if she can’t see it? Or that it actually functions in such a way if she’s not near it? And for what it’s worth it does sound like the mirror or Erised. So if there was something worse than it out there wouldn’t we know the name of it? Wouldn’t she know more of it? Unless it’s like dark magic. Unless she’s under a spell because I’m telling you the mirror doesn’t exist.



showed the future, or a present she wasn’t aware of, or a past she’d just blocked out



Is Dorcas even alive? Is she actually human during this story? I mean human, as is she still breathing and living? I question if she’s even functioning because what if she’s getting tortured right now and that’s what she’s seeing. Or maybe she’s trying to lessen her pain by creating the illusion of something else. Another excuses accepting the reality that is going on around her. Maybe the mirror is just a metaphor for Voldemort of a Death Eater that is in her presence closing in on her ready for the kill. Yes! There is no mirror at all because this is her last moment before her death, isn’t it? So she’s not entirely coherent. She’s about to fight until her last breath but she’s already lost because they’ve already gotten inside her head. She’s too far gone to do much of anything even though she’s a strong woman. She sees the bodies and hears the voices because she’s going to be meeting them soon. She’s a prisoner waiting to be let free.

Love Potion by TreacleTart

Rated: Teen Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstar

Brightly colored graphic with multiple people on it

Lovely Banner by arrietty. @ TDA 


Fred, George, & Lee hatch a plan to prank Professor Snape involving Mrs. Norris and a love potion.     

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 23 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chaos

Hugging the cat tightly to his chest, Snape whispered, "Oh Mrs. Norris, how I've missed you so. Why must you play such coy games with me?"

I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING! Oh my god when I read that line I couldn't hold it in anymore. That was priceless. Reading about Snape like that was pure gold. I think what really sent me over the edge was Filch threatening to take him to the dungeons and then Dumbledore coming to smooth everything over. Ever the logical one. You are a comedic genius! 

Slytherin Career Day by cambangst

Rated: Mature Audiences • 6 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star

The student of Slytherin House were born with everything: wealth, prestige and pure wizarding blood. Now it's Severus Snape's job to help them find the one thing they don't have: careers.

Written for ToujoursPadfoot’s Gift-It Challenge and dedicated to the incomparable Roots in Water!



Banner by the amazing Carousel. at TDA

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: A Long Day in the Dungeons

Transferred from HPFF --


Happy Fool's Day! Whew, it has been quite some time. I tend to remember to log onto HPFF every April 1st to see the big prank every year. No ships? No romance? Perfect for me. 

I wanted to read a humor story and then I thought about my buddy Dan! Who promised (cough, cough) to write a humor fic one day. 

Oh, the wheels in my head were turning as I read this...

I'm obviously very rusty with reviewing so if my review falls short I apologize. 

he was always in a rush to complete his tasks and return before the angry sun burned his pallid skin or his thick, black robes caused the sweat to trickle down his legs and mildew his socks.

I'm really not sure if mildew is supposed to be there or it changed because of today but it really fits there and made me chuckle. 

I can just see Snape sitting there mildewing in his socks. Sounds awful though. And complicated. How does one mildew in their socks? Could work for the Harry Potter universe. I've read stranger things. 

A knock at his pants door signaled the arrival of his first appointment. Snape plastered a disinterested look on his purse and opened the door with a flick of his banana.

^ That's just wrong. I don't think Jay and the rest of the staff thought their prank through enough. 

Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I just sit in front of the fireplace in the common room with a stack of parchment and play with the flames. It's like having a pet.

Because that's not creepy. I'll comment more on Crabbe's section in a minute. 

It attacked our owl, Dad's favorite cears and my sister

^ Oh lord. I have no comment for that. I actually had to read that bit over because I was taken by surprise. How awful. How funny. Am I a terrible person because I laughed? 

I can actually see that happening. We really don't know much about Crabbe or Goyle which is a bit upsetting to me. 

I enjoyed Crabbe's section because I believed it. I thought the interaction between him and Severus was great. I think you really nailed Severus in this one-shot. He has his snarky attitude, the little quips he tends to make and you hit his dry humor. 

I was disappointed with Goyle's section. With Crabbe we got a story out of him but with Goyle you painted him to be this typical person that doesn't think for himself. Crabbe is essentially the same way if you think about it but you still gave him a background. I wanted to learn more about Goyle. I breezed over his section and was left asking myself, "That's it?"

Severus calmly wrote the word stalker next to her name.

Pansy I really enjoyed. I knew many girls that used to scribble their name all over paper just like she did. I was never one of those girls thankfully. 

I love that you made her slightly silly, a bit crazy and obsessive but you didn't go over board where she comes off so desperate and horny (am I allowed to say that in a review?). She's just a normal silly girl with a crush. 

Daphne Greengreyebrow strolled into Snape’s pants ten minutes late

^ Again...that's just wrong. Haha. 

"I'm still working out the money part. But my mother manages somehow. It can't be that hard."

Oh Blaise! I was so happy to see you add him in here. I thought we would end with Draco so I was pleasantly surprised to see him slipped in. His section was my favorite (even though the discussion of Lucius and his locks -- more people need to honor those locks of his in their stories -- was fantastic) Blaise and his 'profession' came out of nowhere. 

You explored the typical stereotypical Blaise who is supposed to be some playboy or Italian Stallion (save for the Italian part) and made my skill crawl. 

Severus calling him vile was icing on the cake. It's not like he cares. Poor Severus being the Head of Slytherin. 

Excellent work Dan!

Closet Trash by BuckyStilinski

Rated: Mature Audiences • 3 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star

What could Scorpius do?

He was trash for a good closet make out session.    

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 04 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

and if Albus was on fire and Scorpius had a glass of water he was sure that he would only drink half of it, and then use the rest to put the flames out.

GEE SCORPIUS, ONLY HALF? Come on man! Slytherin through and through. 

"Want to make out?"

WOAH. That was complete whiplash. I was not expecting that. I had to read it twice before it registered in my head. Albus, you are quite the saucy man. I wish I had your cojones. 

(Scorpius, say yes. Cooooome on.)

"Albus, if you were my husband, I'd drink it."




"You can never have too many closet inspectors."

In all of the fanfics I have read where they have the cliche broom closet make out scene this one is by the far the best. You should get an award. If there was a challenge on the forums to write about a broom closet scene you'd get 1st place. I'm giving you your challenge winner review right now!

"You're out of touch with reality." James slammed the door shut again, leaving the two teenagers once again in darkness.

James, you can't seriously be that air headed. Come on man. Just...even Ron wouldn't have fallen for that one. 

"Never! I like it in here," Albus yelled back. "It's safe, and not judgmental."

There are no words. Just...no words.

THIS WAS EPIC! I loved it. Every bit of it. The bad jokes. The puns. The...everything. You completely surprised me. I thought this story was going on a completely different direction when I first started reading it and then you spun it in an entirely new direction. I just loved the twist you gave to an otherwise regular story. Great job really. 

Heading Out to the Highway by cambangst

Rated: Mature Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstar

You can try to be crazier than Sirius Black, but nine out of ten Healers do not recommend it. The tenth was just too old and deaf to understand the question.


Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Decompression

I nearly bowl over three muggles on the pavement outside, but I don’t even spare a glance of apology. 

^ I too drive like this, Sirius. Everyday though. Not on purpose. 

If that shrill, horse-faced (DELETED FOR 12+ RULE) took the Dark Mark it would be a great day for our side.

Woah Dan, you went there. I kind of like it. I'm actually singing along as I read this and the song fits and puts me in the mood that Sirius is in. I feel his anger and that rush of adrenaline you get when you're driving too fast because the highway is empty or you're that angry at your significant other/friend/mother/whoever and you start driving without a real destination but you're gripping the wheel with such brute force you could potentially floor it and zoom down the interstate...

It’s Moony’s little voice in the back of my mind that convinces me not to do it. 

But then that moment of clarity hits you. That little voice in your head that yells 'slow down, stop what you're doing, breathe!' 

Oh Dan, that was so much fun to read! I felt like you enjoyed writing it. Sentence after sentence was just pow-pow-pow. The song worked for Sirius and for the scenario you had going on. He fought with his parents. He's worried about his brother but annoyed with him at the same time. He's a Death Eater, he's sure of it, all signs point to it and Sirius did want to protect his brother. He tried. He failed. 

Plus, I think Sirius's anger gets the best of him. He's reckless, we know that and you touched upon that as he raced against the driver and thought of Moony telling him it's not worth it to fight his parents. He's reckless but he also has a heart and a functioning brain but at the same time he's still a child, barely grown enough to make right decisions so he flies his bike even though he's not supposed to. It's his chance to finally say a big ol' 'FU' to everything and everyone that's bothering him. 

Once it's out of his system he can coast along without worry. 

I loved the description of the drag race. It was so exciting and it almost felt like I was behind the wheel/behind the bike. I felt that bad edge and whooped at the computer screen, "Come on, Sirius!" 

Clearly I would have been a bad influence on him. 

But really this was great to read. Your excitement shined through the story and that made it ten times better. Now I want to go for a drive but with nearly a foot of snow outside that's not possible!

The Puzzle by cambangst

Rated: Mature Audiences • 3 Reviews starstarstarstar

When it was done and they were all basking in the glow of their triumph, they would understand that muggles and magical folk weren’t so different. No matter your blood status, you still put a puzzle together one piece at a time.


Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Fun for the Whole Family

Freddie was about to enter his fourth year at Hogwarts, and thus had become too image-conscious to share hugs with his younger cousins.

^ This reminds me of my younger cousin. He was always trying to act tougher than he appeared and would refuse to hug any of us. My family consists of mostly girls and he would get so offended if any of us tried to hug him. Now that he’s a little older he gets offended if we don’t hug him. The joys of puberty. 

If Ginny’s Aunt Muriel was coming, Harry was allowed to drink as much as he liked. If Harry’s cousin Dudley was coming, Ginny was allowed to drink as much as she liked. If Muriel and Dudley both RSVPed, the event was moved to a less convenient date.

I like this understanding. I might have to partake in this. Except it would be more at every family gathering regardless of who is there I will have to drink as much as I like. HAHA! Aunt Muriel and Dudley have nothing on my family. 

Hey, now that I think about it I’m happy you included a mention of Dudley in this. We know they tried to have a little relationship after this but why would Harry genuinely want to be around him for more than the length of a lunch or dinner? 

“Thanks for the help, Mister ‘It’ll Be Funny and Nanna Can Reattach Their Toes’!”

^ That got a really unattractive snort out of me. 

Wait, wait, here’s another line I like. I’m in tears.

Nothing to worry about, really. When we were little, there wasn’t a week went by where Mum didn’t have to put somebody’s nose or ear back on. Just be sure to hold still if you don’t want it all crook

Ron! Always so helpful. 

“You mean when he wasn’t making fun of you or beating you up?”

I should not laughed so hard at this. I think Ginny takes the cake in this story. I love me a tipsy Ginny. Oh and Rose! How adorable is she? A mini-Hermione! Plus, Albus and James, those two remind me of Fred and George with their antics and conversations. I also really love Dudley’s children. They fit in and yet they stick out like sore thumbs. 

Would love to see more interaction between Molly and Kreacher. I think there’s a one-shot there. 

A moment later, Arthur emerged into the dining room, holding a cordless muggle power saw in one hand and half a table leg in the other.

Why Harry would let Arthur near Dudley’s car is beyond me. Why anyone would let Arthur out of their sight or use a power saw…

Very amusing. 

Kreacher emerged from the kitchen brandishing a large carving knife and wearing an upside down saucepan on his head.

Kreacher, our knight in shining armor 

When the going gets tough, they pull together and they get things done. Did we just give up when Voldemort took over the Ministry and tried to kill us all?

What a pep talk! GO TEAM! GO!

Dan that was marvelous. You are one funny man. I laughed. I cried. I howled. A lot of unnatural sounds are coming from my room. I’m surprised no one has barged in to find out what I’m doing. 

This was great because it was so relatable. Of course we don’t have books that bite or cursed power saws and what not but the family part. I think everyone has experienced trying to bring their family together, all ages, to do a task and it just never pans out properly. Harry was so determined and for such legitimate reasons I was convinced the puzzle would not work out! All the characters worked well together too. Really funny stuff. I have my work cut out for me when I/if I start writing anything humor related again.

Smitten by TreacleTart

Rated: All Audiences • 4 Reviews starstarstar

Girl and bright red flowers

Beautiful Banner by Artemesia @ TDA

WINNER of Jen25's Glee Quotes Challenge

Lavender sends a Christmas gift to Ron.    

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 20 Feb 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Christmas Present

I really enjoyed this. I get that I'm supposed to not be a fan of the Lav/Ron relationship but it's kind of sweet. That's how relationships are when you're a teenager. You get suckered into this obsession where you think your first boyfriend/girlfriend is the one. They are the love of your life and that's it! If only it was that easy. So I love the innocence of Lavender here. The fact that she went searching for this horrible gift, thinks it is perfect and then takes such care wrapping it up and sending him a love letter. Ack! I remember a boy writing me a love letter when I was their age. Heck, I still might have it. This was pretty sweet. Ah, young love. 

And Then There Were Three by cambangst

Rated: Mature Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstarstar

James Sirius, you’re the luckiest kid in the world



Banner by the amazing DracoLove4 @ TDA!

Written for Toujours Padfoot's Gift-It Challenge and dedicated to my wonderful beta reader sophie_hatter.


Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: A New Beginning and a Promise

“We watched Teddy for an entire afternoon once. I read him a story about house elves and Ron even taught him a little chess before Andromeda came to pick him up.”

Hermione, you are somuch fun. 



They watched him for one afternoon. Try an entire lifetime! I can barely watch my niece. I used to freak out when she was first born. Man could she cry. Her screams could make your ears bleed. I refuse to watch my nephews until they’re a little bit older. I’m convinced I have no maternal instinct. 

(One afternoon! PSH!)

He immediately turned and looked at Hermione to make sure that he hadn’t said the wrong thing and a feeling of relief washed over him when she nodded in agreement.

I have to give it to Ron here. Smart man! He would have backpedaled in a second I think if Hermione didn’t think the same way. 

I know I can’t convince you of how much that’s going to change the way you look at things. Just mark my words, it will

I get what Arthur is saying. At first I didn’t but now I do. That moment when you first see the baby or hold them it changes everything. I’ll be honest I tell everyone kids are not for me. Again, no maternal instinct. I’m horrible at changing diapers. My niece cries and I’m like…err, can someone take her? I love her I do but when my nephews were born (my sister had twins) there was this little tick inside of me. Yeah, I felt like crying but I’m too self-conscious to do that. Haha! Have to appear strong! But I knew how to hold a baby this time and how to comfort them (sort of) and I was in the very back of my mind like, “Wow. I want one.”


You know it’s up for debate. 

We’ll see what happens. 

eye contact might result in an unplanned pregnancy.

Because THAT’S how babies are made 

Oh, Ron!

Your mother’s... well, I don’t really know what’s the matter with her right now. That’s one thing about me, I still don’t understand much about girls. When you get to be that age, maybe you should go talk to your Uncle Bill or your Uncle George, instead. Just not your Uncle Ron. I try not to point it out, but he’s even more confused than I am.

I LOVE THIS! Harry in new dad mode talking to his son like he truly knows what he’s saying. The two of them afraid and unsure what they’re doing. Heck, they both survived Voldemort but parenthood is a whole different ball game. 

Ha-ha! This was really sweet. You always surprise me Dan. You write angst so well who knew you had this little fluffy moments inside of that head of yours?

Author's Response:

Hi, Deeds!

Ron and Hermione are just precious, aren't they? They need a pat on the head.

It's a funny little bit of world-building that's happened to me along the way, thinking of Ron as being a bit panicked about upsetting Hermione. It's already happening in After Destiny.

Ha! I love your internal debate on the subject. Ron will be feeling the same fairly soon after the start of this story...

Harry gets the dad talk going with James because he doesn't know what else to do. And it mostly works. In its own way, taking care of a newborn can be scarier than Voldemort.

I have the occasional fluffy impulse. Maybe I'll have to act on more of them.

Thanks for stopping by to review!

Waiting Room by cambangst

Rated: Mature Audiences • 4 Reviews starstarstarstarstar

It all started with a blinding flash of green. At least that’s the last thing I remember. Everything was bathed in green light and then I blinked and it was all gone. Now everything is white...



Simply gorgeous banner by Slytherinchica08 @ TDA

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Green Eyes Against Blinding White

I’m supposed to be writing an article but somehow I found myself reading the end to Before They Fall and then having to visit my other favorite author on HPFF. So here I am Dan! 

Wait, were we hiding from Sirius? I guess it’s a possibility. I can’t ever keep track of who pranked who last.

No lie. The confusion is fantastic. Yes, I see where the story is going but you’re staying true to James’s character by having him trying to decipher where he is and thinking, “Hey, maybe this is all a game. Maybe Sirius and I did something…maybe just maybe…” Of course it’s not. The reality of the situation is actually quite depressing. 

I don’t know what it is but whenever I think of the afterlife or wherever we go whenever we go I sincerely believe in this bout of confusion our minds go through where we’re like, “Huh? Is this a dream? Where am I?” It’s like having a lucid dream! UH. Lucid dreams are beyond terrifying to me. The moment you realize you are dreaming but you can hear and imagine everything around you but you can’t physically move your body has always freaked me out. I’ve had lucid dreams before and I have asked myself, “Am I dead? Have I died?” 

Who on earth hides from Moony? The worst he’d ever do is talk you to sleep.

Haha! Poor Remus! He’s interesting! Give him some credit. 

Wow, that’s interesting that you went there with Peter. Do you think they knew right before they died? I mean they should have known it was obvious for them but only for them because of the switch. 

They’ll probably send him to live with Frank and Alice. He’s the same age as Neville, after all. The two of them will grow up together, like twins.

Heartbreaking. If only! But they were both in the same kind of danger. What do you think would have happened if it was Neville the prophecy was talking about and not Harry? Do you think he would have died? I don’t think Neville would have been able to defeat Voldemort like Harry had to do in the beginning. His confidence and bravery was inside of him all along but he needed more time to grow compared to Harry. I guess we could say Neville was coddled but Augusta isn’t the warmest woman in the planet. She isn’t like Petunia though. She’s definitely a step up. 

This line: 

I bet none of them could imagine James Potter willingly sitting in a waiting room for them.”

And this one:

I’m still not happy that we’re stuck here, but as long as I get to spend eternity with you, I’ll be happy.”

James, my lovely, lovely James. 

I really enjoyed the ending. It was sweet and heartfelt a contrast from the opening paragraphs that were slightly fun and goofy. We see two different sides of James here but an ever-so-calm Lily. I think that’s the mother side of her that keeps her calm and maybe because yeah, Lily is logical but she experienced those last few moments of life with her son. She gave herself up to save him but it makes sense that she thinks she still has to be there for him. They weren’t necessary done being parents to him when they died. They were there when Harry almost met his end. 

Wow, really insightful one-shot.