If you would like to know more about me or my wrting, feel free to come visit me in my Writer's Journal at the link provided above!! I looveee questions, and am always more than happy to discuss anything LNW related with you!!! ;)
2018 FROGS Awards: Best Original Character
Roxi Zaroni in Love, Not War - 3rd Place Winner!!
2018 FROGS Card graphic by abhorsen./Branwen
2018 Slytherin MFWHAT Award: Best Careful Handling of a Snake
Draco Malfoy in Love, Not War - 1st Place WINNER!!
2018 MFWHAT Award graphic by beyond the rain
June 2017 Slytherin OTM Award by: PaulaTheProkaryote ~*~ January 2018 Slytherin OTM Award by me: RoxiMalfoy
"Love, Lot War" was one of HPFT's Featured Stories in May 2018!! (award graphic by abhorsen./Branwen)
Banner by foggy@TDA!
With a last name like Weasley, Molly know that she’ll have to work hard to be taken seriously in the Quidditch world. Known for their top training program, Oakshaft Quidditch Academy will give her the push she needs to make the Montrose Magpies’ reserve team. But when another Quidditch Legacy just looks so good shirtless, Molly’s attention and desire to be the best wars with something new. Soon she’ll discover that leaving her last name at the door and her heart on the pitch might be more difficult than she anticipated.
Lesson #1: All’s fair in love and Quidditch
*Review transferred over from HPFF:
Hey Lo, RoxiMalfoy from the forums here for our review swap!! And I must say; it's kind of funny that our swaps this time around are both stories about Percy, but like total opposites of each other, lol.
But OMGosh, wow!! What did I just read?!? This is certainly not at all what I was expecting! But I absolutely loved it!!! Right from the beginning you grabbed my attention, and then managed to keep hold of it all the way through til the end!! This story is already SO exciting!! I love the way you have created your own Quidditch Universe within the HP Universe that we already know and love so much. It is very believable, and everything just fits in so extremely well!!
I love all of the new characters you have introduced so far, especially Cedric. I cannot wait to see what progresses between he and Molly (or perhaps maybe even Juliette?) as time goes on. Seriously, all of your introductions throughout this first chapter were flawless!!! And the way that you described this new school was amazing!! I could visualize everything so clearly in my head. Everything flowed so well together, and the pacing was perfect. Your writing is SO GOOD, Lo!!! I cannot wait to read more of this!!!
The only tiny bit of CC that I can give here is to maybe watch repeating some of the same words so close together. For example, at the very beginning when she is having that nightmare, you used the word “sky” twice in a row. And then it happened again when she was talking to Cedric at the end. You used the word “fiery” to describe her hair two times in a row also. I know I saw this happening one other time in the middle as well, but now I can't find it. But that/s really the ONLY thing that I noticed though, for real. Everything else was pretty much perfect!!
I could probly rave on and on until I reach the character-limit for this review about how amazing this first chapter is, but I think I would rather just go on and read the next chapter now, lol!! Thank so much for the swap tho, cuz Idk if I ever would have come across this story otherwise!!! Adding it to my favorites and reading on right now!! =D
*Review transferred over from HPFF:
Hello again, back for chapter 2!! I couldn't put this story down!! This chapter was even better than the last. I love how their characterization is all progressing. I'm beginning to like Daisy a lot tho, lol. She clearly has great hair, plus she's crazy and fun. To be honest, her character reminds me a lot of a friend that I had back in High School. And boy did her and I ever get into some trouble back in our teenage days, lol! And then Cheri is a lightweight, like I am, so I definitely felt a connection with her there, haha!! XD
All of them feel very real to me already though, the whole entire group. And I love watching such close friendships be made!! I mean, they already have this unspoken bond over flying; and then they have this freaky accident on the way to the bar, bringing them even closer. (Molly is crazy, btw, but I loved it when she was cloud surfing!! That whole scene was so beautifully written.) Then they all reach their destination and finally let lose at the bar, and everyone just fits so well together. Their conversations are so smooth, and it feels like they've all known each other for a long time. Their love of the game has made them all instant friends, and I just love the dynamic in their little group so much!!
The conversation between Molly & Cedric in the bar, where they were joking with one another and she claimed Reid as her new “knight on a shining broomstick” was my favorite part!! It made me laugh so much when he caught her kiss and played along, lol!!! (And then it was even more amusing when she woke up next to him the following morning, haha!!) That whole conversation was brilliant though. Your dialogue is just as well written as your descriptive writing, and it just makes this whole thing so incredibly good!! It feels like reading an actual book, as apposed to reading fanfiction. I am so in love with this story already!! ♥
Can we just take a moment to appreciate how much of a gentleman Reid is?!? OMG!!! I was all for shipping Molly/Cedric, but now Idk because Molly/Reid would be really cute together also. Their breakfast scene was adorable, and I loved it when he was revealed to be a secret Magpies fan also!! Either way it goes, I know that she will up becoming really close friends with whichever man she doesn't actually end up with. So there's always that to look forwards to. But how is she ever going to chose between the two of them? Maybe one of them will secretly like boys so that she doesn't have to pick between the two, lol! ;)
The scene at the end was really good too, and I especially like it when each of the girls introduced one another and stated what school they were from. One quick question about the guy's team though. Is it supposed to be Dias or Dais?? Because you keep switching the spelling back and forth between the two names, and it was a bit confusing. Nothing too major though, just something you may wanna read back over and correct really quick. Everything else was perfect though, as usual.
I was holding my breath right along with Molly there at the ending!! I honestly wasn't sure which way you were gonna go with it. I'm sure her hangover didn't put her at her best during the practice/secret audition, so she easily could have gotten put on the second string and it still would have been totally believable. I do sense a rivalry coming on between her and Jessica though. I'm sure that'll be interesting to read too!! GAH!! I wish I wasn't stuck at work ALL DAY today, that way I could read the rest of it without stopping, lol!!! REALLY great writing, Lo!! I will come back to read the rest asap!!! =D
Through all of it, through the fear, the devastation, you held onto your hope, nurtured it lovingly like you would have the baby you longed for. * To Hannah Longbottom, happiness doesn’t come naturally.
OMGosh, I am actually crying right now. This was SO emotional. I actually have a friend who had a lot of complications with her first pregnancy. They had to do an emergency c-section on her, and because they were rushed, they messed something up to where now, it has been extremely difficult for her to conceive again. I've watched her over the past three years try MULTIPLE methods of contraception, and go through a few miscarriages. And it has been extremely difficult to maintain hope throughout the entire process, even just as a supportive friend. But even still, I can't even imagine what it must be like to be the mother.
I love how you explained all the different stages of hope throughout this piece. It really gave a clear picture of everything that they've been through so far, and set up what is to come so well. Your attention to detail was amazing, and the emotion all throughout was PERFECT!! Like I said, I was in tears. I wanted to be excited for her when she finally did conceive, but I know from experience that you should not get too excited until after the first trimester. And honestly, after everything they've been through, I feel as though Neville should have know that too. I get that he was excited, but I would think that a part of him would want to make sure that everything was okay before they started to celebrate, especially with all the complications they had been having. And it just made me sad that this created a distance between them at a time when they needed to be there for one another the most.
I think you nailed her feelings of fear perfectly at the end. Everything was just SO spot-on, I was stunned. Your writing style is really amazing, Jo. There were hardly any flaws in this at all. In fact, the only tiny little thing that I did see was this little mix-up in the wording of this sentence here: The pregnancy had been supposed to be their better, was supposed to be what they were working towards. - I think it would sound/flow better if you said “The pregnancy was supposed to have been their better, was supposed to be what they were working towards.
OMGosh, I just want this pregnancy to work out for her so badly!! But that ending didn't look too good… Please tell me that they get their happy ending!! Neville & Hannah deserve it, and they would totally make GREAT parents!! It stinks that the flag isn't here because I really would've liked to read on this one tonight, lol! But trust and believe that I will be coming straight back here to find out what happens as soon I can. And I am going to add this to my favorites. It's just so good, I really enjoyed it!! Thanks so much for the great read! ♥
Hey Deana. Thank you for your review!
I'm so sorry for your friend - this is nothing I'd want anyone to experience. I'm glad the story passes scrutinity of someone who has had a closer personal experience with this than I have.
One thing that's surprised me in reviews to Hope is that people seem to be disappointed with Neville or find his actions disagreeable when I really didn't intend that for him. For me the tension between Hannah and him was something that happened more in the space between one person's experience and the other person's experience - like he handled everything as best as he could and she did the same, but she deals with what she thinks he expects of her and for him it's the same and neither can do exactly right by the other even if they try… does this make sense? It's a lack of communication more than anything real. Do you think this is something I could have communicated better/differently?
About the ending… To be honest I don't really know what happens after Hope, which is why this is really the en. I want to give them a happy ending, but then I don't know if that wouldn't take away from everything - the uncertainty is such a big part of their story and hope loses all its meaning once what you hoped for becomes reality, doesn't it? Maybe there'll be another oneshot in this universe one day.
I updated the story to include your suggested wording :) Thank you for pointing it out.
Totally Perfect Banner by angelic.@tda | 1st Place in ScorpiusRose17's One Moment Challenge
Maybe he should have had one more drink
before partaking in this final adventure.
Hey Meg, here at long last for the Hot Seat!! I am SO SORRY that it has taken me soooo unforgivably long to get here for this!! *hides* You already know that I read this whole story weeks ago and LOVED it, lol!! Anyway, it's review time!! =P
So, I supposed that I could've done the obvious thing and gone straight to SSS on your AP first like everyone else; and I'll be honest, I seriously considered it. But I decided to keep scrolling on down to see what else you had to offer, and I am SO glad I did, because I never would have discovered this amazing little gem of yours otherwise!!! I am such a fan of Regulus, and I absolutely LOVE how you have written him here!!
I really like your use of the flashback scenes in this. It is such a cool way to tell the story of where Regulus has been, and what kind of lead him to have this change of heart. I also really like your characterization of Kreacher in this story as well. He and Regulus are very close, and it's kind of nice to see the elf written in such a different light that what we're used to.
And oh, they've arrived at the cave! Oh dear, we already know what's waiting for them in there. I am so excited to see what you come up with once they get into the cave and he discovers the locket. This is off to such a strong start, Meg! Your writing is incredible, and I cannot wait to read more!! ♥♥
Language shapes the world, for good or for evil. In silence, wounds fester and arguments begin. And what are wars but arguments out of control?
||2014 Dobby Winner: Best Quote; 2014 Golden Snitches, Silver: Best Romance, 2013 Silver: Best Romance, Best Slash||
Review transferred from HPFF:
Holy cow!!! OMG, your introduction to this was just simply magnificent, breathtakingly beautiful, and incredibly deep. I loved every single word of it - no pun intended, lol. ;)
Haha, this takes place on Aug. 29th and that's the same date as today!! Took me a moment to establish that it was Dumbledore speaking at first. Guess I should have know tho, you know, since he has always had such a way with words. Honestly, your writing style is exquisite. you have such a way with words, and you craft your sentences so beautifully here! Their fight scene was so heartbreaking tho. I knew it was going to have a sad ending anyhow, but reading Albus' pov on his sister's death made it so much more depressing. I liked how you had him reflecting back on how he did not cry for her tho, and how he was more concerned about how badly Grindelwald had been hurt.
Wow... just, wow. This was all so very poetic, which I imagine is exactly how Dumbledore would write to a lover. You capture his inner monologue quite well, which is not an easy thing to do. I cannot help but wonder tho; how old he is when writing this? Is it before or after their duel in which Dumbledore takes the elder wand? Is it when Harry was at Hogwarts, is it right before Dumbledore was about to die? Personally, I imagine that he is writing this shortly after being cursed by trying put on the the ring horcrux. He knew he was going to die soon, at that point, so it would make sense that Albus would become more reflective. I could be way off tho, haha! ^_^'
I am so adding this to my favorites, and you will be seeing me in the next chapter soon. I was happy to see that this is not a one-shot, cuz I want MORE, lol!! Thanks so much for the wonderful swap. We should totally do this again some time, as I am now a fan of your writing!! =)
1,000//10 (cuz you're amazing!)
Also, would like to note that this beautiful story will be going in my favorites here on HPFT too, since I now know that you have transferred it over here!! I will go ahead and move my other reviews from the next few chapters over here to HPFT as well!! YAY!!! =D
*Review transferred over from HPFF:
Hello! RoxiMalfoy, back again for chapter 3 of our review swap!! But I think I'll just skip the part where I tell you how amazingly awesome and super talented you are, lol. I'm pretty sure you know that all day, and I could fangirl over this story for days, haha!! ^_^;
Man, do I ever wish that I could paint a picture with words in the way that you do!! The way that you describe everything is so beautiful, and it puts such vivid images in my mind as I read. I absolutely LOVE that quality in your writing. I've been trying to develop this skill more and more over the years, but dialogue and conversations still remain to be my stronger areas of writing. I feel like I have really learned a thing or two, just by reading your story tho, so I do wanna thank you for that. This is seriously some of the best quality fanfiction that I have ever read!!
I loved all the mentionings of Nicolas Flamel and Elphias Dodge and all of Dumbledore's other various friends throughout this chapter. It's good to see that he is finally cheering up a bit and moving on somewhat. A broken heart is never an easy thing to mend, and it's good that you are showing his internal struggle with his feelings. It seems fare more natural, the way that this is progressing, and I think you have the pacing of everything down perfect.
Dumbledore is extremely in character all throughout this story so far. Never once have you made him even the slightest bit OOC, in my opinion. And that alone is no easy feat, lol! I for one find Dumbledore (as well as Voldemort) to be one of the most difficult characters in the HP world to write. Yet you portray him so effortlessly here!! He is clever, intelligent, and perfectly witty in his thought process. And his voice is very much distinct from Gellert's in the alternating chapters. I love how different, yet incredibly similar they are.
Honestly, this whole thing is just perfect, and I cannot wait to read more!! You keep me guessing as to where this story is going to take me to next, and I love that!! Also, I'm glad that I refreshed the page before submitting this review, cuz I LOVE the new chapter Image!! I went back and looked at the last 2 also, and they are all so beautiful!! They even match the banner and everything, lol! Please give the artist my props, and congrats on getting such incredible CI's made for this amazing story!! ♥
*Review transferred over from HPFF:
RoxiMalfoy from the forums, finally here for our Review swap! I was so sure I had reviewed this chapter back when I did the 1st one, but evidently not. I know I've read this one before, but since it was so long ago, I decided to re-read the first 2 chapters all over again. Which honestly didnt bother me at all, cuz your writing is SO BEAUTIFUL!! I'm SO happy to see that you won a Dobby! I remember voting for this fic in like every category it was nominated in that year, so congrats on that, lol. It was definitely well deserved!
The first time I read this tho, I totally was NOT expecting to be reading from the POV of Gellert Grindelwald. That switch was such a nice surprise. I've never read anything featuring him in it like this before, so all I know of him is what little we learned in cannon. That being said, your characterization of him feels like it was pulled directly out of Jo's world! I dont know HOW you've done it with such little information to go on, but this version of Grindelwald just feels so right, and so natural. Every little detail you have created fits seamlessly into what we already know of him from the books. But then you take it one step further, and expand upon what little information we have already been given, and make him into this very deep and relatable character. From now on, I dont think I'll ever be able to look at Grindelwald the same way again, lol!
I LOVE it when a story here at HPFF gives me a whole new outlook on things, and this was no exception! Cuz you never would expect such a notoriously dark wizard as Grindelwald to be so sweet, endearing, and capable of such strong feelings of love. But then again, at sixteen years of age, I also find it difficult to believe that he would be in full-on dark wizard, take over the world mode, lol. But you can definitely see the beginning stages of that particular mind-frame starting to blossom here. I know that alot of people compare Voldemort to Grindelwald, but the two of them really arent all that similar, if you think about it. Sure, they shared many of the same belief systems, but what makes Voldemort so evil is that he was literally incapable of love. He was born of a loveless conception, then raised in an orphanage with no family to help nurture him during his upbringing. Grindelwald on the other hand; he did have a family. He had the support system that Tom Riddle never knew, and then, he also had Albus.
Personally, I do not think that Dumbledore, even at such a young age, could ever have been attracted to someone like Tom Riddle. So if the two dark wizards were as similar as people like to assume, then it would not be likely that Dumbledore would have fallen for Grindelwald the way that we know he did. Cuz as far as we know, Gellert is the only one that Albus ever had feeling for like this. (Much like Snape was with Lilly.) Sometimes in life we only get that 1 true love, and it's highly unlikely that Dumbledore -THE Albus Dumbledore- could have given his heart away to someone who was truly evil. So I totally get where it is you are writing from here, and I must say that I am absolutely mesmerized by it! I'm so glad, and so relieved to see that Gellert is NOT just another copy of Lord Voldemort in this story.
Wow, I just went off on this HUGE tangent without even meaning to, lol!! You see what your story has evoked in me already?!? This has really got me thinking quite a bit, for real tho. Cuz I was one of those people who thought that Grindelwald & Voldemort were way more similar than that. But now that I think about it, there really is no way that that could have been possible. Not at first, anyway. But we all know how both of these boys turn out in the end, so it will be fascinating to see the ways in which their characters grow and develop from here. I cannot wait to see where you take the two of them from this point forward...
Getting back to the actual review part tho - sorry for betting so distracted, haha... The language in this. OMG, dont even get me started on the language in these first 2 chapters, lol! It is so beautiful, and poetic, and rich in detail, and just so astoundingly profound! How did you do that?!? Not only was it perfect in regards to these two characters, but it's also extremely relevant to the time period as well. This all takes place in 1899 after all, so the way that they speak is absolutely beautiful in every single way. People really dont talk like that anymore, and it's a shame. Your English is exquisite though Aph, and I feel like I myself have already learned a thing or two, just by reading this, lol! ;)
I loved how the reoccurring theme of silence carried over from the 1st chapter into this one as well. Really, everything that you have to say about the subject is so amazingly detailed, and spot on. I'm so terrible at describing those awkward silences in a conversation, but you do it so beautifully here, OMG! I could go on and on about how amazing this was, but I think I've rambled here for long enough... I will point out the one (and only) thing I noticed that needs fixing was in this paragraph here:
The few memories I have of that summer which are not of the way your hair glowed in firelight and the way your eyes lit up and shone when you saw me in the same way they would shine when you spoke of a fascinating theory or your Hogwarts, are fleeting and strangely blurred, as though a careless painter has tipped water onto a landscape, and so much of Wales is now a spoiled masterpiece, the colours leaking and running across each other, until I cannot remember how it was supposed to look.
That whole entire thing is just one long run-on sentence. Idk if that was intentional, or if perhaps it was a formatting thing, but you may wanna go back and break that up with some commas or periods or something. I feel silly for pointing out something so small, but really everything else was PERFECT! ♥
Hello Aph, it's been a while, but I have finally made it back here for the next chapter of this beautiful story of yours!! I am such an incredibly slow reader, lol! There are probably turtles out there who are faster than me!! But I went ahead and transferred my old reviews over here from HPFF, so I figured I'd just pick back up where I left off here on HPFT now!!
Gosh, it's been a while since I last read this, so once again I was blown away by your fantastic imagery!! Right from the very beginning of the chapter, you managed to pull me out of the four walls of my bedroom and place me right there in Gellert's dream. I just LOVED your description of the dragons. It really made me feel like I was right there with him… and then he woke up and, for a moment, I almost felt sorry for him with how much pain he seems to be in in his waking hours. This is Grindelwald we're talking about here after all. But the fact that you have that ability to make me FEEL for the bad guy is saying something!!
I know I haven't read the first three chapters in a while, but I don't specifically remember any deaths happening thus far in this story, other than Albus mentioning the death of his sister I mean… Have I missed something? Whoever it was that dies, he's obviously upset over it. I wonder who it was specifically that killed the guy he's talking about here. Whoever it is, I would not want to be them, as I'm sure Grindelwald is planning his revenge… Perhaps that land he was talking about burning was him getting his revenge? I need this mystery to be solved, lol!!
I like how you started out with present Gellert, reflecting back in his cell, and then you switch to these flashback moments; allowing us to see things back in time as they were unfolding in his mind. It's brilliant!! Everything just flows so smoothly from one line to the next, and I like how you use the parenthesis to kind of narrate with his present self. It's really the most interesting thing I've ever read, and I cannot repeat enough how much I enjoy this story!!
Everything is so perfect. There's hardly any errors at all. Ever. IDK how you wrote so flawlessly!! I noticed one tiny little thing in this chapter, but you probably mean to write it like this. I wanted to point it out to you though, just in case. This sentence here:
– “The future was coming for me, quick and sly and ruthless, and there was nothing I could do about it but allow it to take me, body and mind and soul entire lost to its whims and mercies.”
Did you perhaps mean to say “entirely lost to its whims and mercies” there instead?
Oh my gosh!!! Your writing is always so poetic, and I absolutely adore that quality about fic!! I loved the imagery you painted about Bulgaria, and everything he felt as he was leaving Romania. He is really convinced in his mind that he is doing the right thing, and it really is quite chilling to read inside of his thoughts like this. Your attention to detail is so superb!!! And then at the end, my favorite thing ever was when Gellert compared himself to the dawn, and then he spoke of how Albus was the Sunset!! GAH!!! That is just SO GOOD!!!
I could seriously gush about this forever, but there are more chapters to read, haha!!! And I have questions that need answered, so you know I'll be back. Eventually. Again, turtle me, lol!! I have RL responsibilities sometimes. Seriously!! I mean, why can't I just skip work and sit at home and read on HPFT all day?!? =P
Beautiful banner by katharos @ TDA
When the destruction of the American Magical Academy forces Alex to flee to Hogwarts for protection, she learns that some secrets can kill and some secrets are worth dying for.
Alexis!! OMG, I am FINALLY here to review this amazing story of yours!!! So I just read this prologue for like probably the third time, lol!! I am seriously so amazed by your ability to grab me and pull me right into this story every single time I sit down to read it. This is one of my FAVORITE stories, as you already know, and I am so sorry that it has taken me so terribly long to finally stop by here and leave you a review!! I promise you I really am trying to be better about that, lol!! =P
I have so many questions about tis right now. Who was the woman that was killed in the beginning; was it her mother? Why did the Death Eaters attack this Wizarding School in America? What does Voldemort want with Alex? You also mentioned that she had a wolf form; is this just an Animagus form that she can take on, or is is there more to it than that? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!
This was seriously such an EXCELLENT prologue!! I already love Alex as a character. She's smart, able to quick to adapt, and seems able to keep her cool under pressure. I do feel terrible for her though, the poor thing. She really has been through quite the ordeal. I just cannot wait to get to the bottom of it and find out WHY all of this is happening. And yes, even though that was smart of her to put the tracer on a moving object, I do feel bad for the blind lady and her dog. I hope the Death Eaters will overlook it and that no harm will come to these innocent bystanders, but I get the feeing that that may not be the case here. =/
I know how long you have been working on this story, and I LOVE how you created this entire magical world here in America, before any of the details we got for Fantastic Beasts were revealed. Now that we do have all of the American wizarding info though, have you thought about going back and implementing some of it into this story? Like, I think it's easy enough to believe that there could be multiple Wizarding schools in America; like maybe one or two others in addition to Ilvermorny. So I can get past the fact that you blew up the American Magical Academy in the first chapter, lol! But one thing that was a little distracting was the use of the word “Mundane” for non-magical people, but that's just because we've kind of gotten used to either calling them “Muggles” or “No-Majes” a this point. And we also know that the wizarding law here in America is called the MACUSA now too, so I think it would be cool to see that incorporated in here too. It Is totally up to you though. It is YOUR story, after all. And it is totally original just the way it is. And I love it either way. ♥
I am so excited to see Alex arrive in London. I wonder if she is heading for the Order of for Hogwarts? Is she going to meet Dumbledore? He does seem to be the most likely person that she would run to, of course. I also cannot help but to wonder how she already knew where to go in the event that something like this were to happen. Did her mother (assuming that was who was killed in the flashback at the beginning) know Dumbledore and/or the Order of the Phoenix? Is Alex and her family, perhaps, from London originally? Again with the questions, haha!! Seriously, this is excellent, Alexis!! I LOVED every word of it!!! ♥♥♥
The year is 1976. Lily Evans and the Marauders are starting their sixth year and things are changing. Voldemort is gaining power both inside and outside of Hogwarts. It is time to choose sides in the upcoming war, which may mean cutting out old friends and forging new friendships.
Banner: aurore. @ TDA || 2015: Best OTP finalist
*CTF Review transferred over from HPFF:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for CTF!! I'll be honest, I've been so out of it this entire competition. RL has just been crazy busy for me, like all year. So this is actually my first review for CTF. And I wasn't really quite sure where to begin, so I was just scrolling though the Review Request threads, looking for Ravenclaw stories to R&R. This one in particular grabbed my attention because it was a Marauders fic, and I am SO GLAD now that I clicked it!!!
WOW!! I mean, this is already off to an incredibly good start! I was holding my breath from the first paragraph. You really know how to build up the suspense!! Your characterization of Lord Voldemort is SO good. He is one of the most difficult characters for me to write, so I always really appreciate it when somebody does him justice like you have done here. I especially loved your attention to detail as you described the way that he entered the room. And then when he started talking, I was just as impressed. You've captured his speech really well too. Please teach me how you do this, haha!! ;)
And the very last paragraph was really well done also!! Just the thought that Voldemort views these younger witches and wizards as dispensable is so very much in character for him. It gave me chills - in a good way, mind you. It was just so creepy, and so… Voldemort. I absolutely loved it!! And now I really can't wait to see what you do with the other characters as well (Like, say, Sirius and James for example…) Honestly, this was SUCH a great prologue!! It definitely left me wanting to read more, which is exactly what a story intro should do, so props for accomplishing that!! =D
I can already tell that you have a really great writing style, and I already love the way that you handle your characters. I've been away from HPFF/HPFT for a while now, and this was such a nice read to come back to. It was a frightening chapter, mind you, but it was SO GOOD!! Which is just great, to be able to leave and come back after like a year or so of being MIA, and find something new and incredible like this to read. We just have so many talented people in our community, and I just love it. I'm sorry, I'm rambling now. I'll stop, lol!! IDK when I'll make it back, but I will definitely be reading more of this ASAP!!
NOTE: I'm so happy to have found this on HPFT!! I really do still plan on readin more of it when I have a chance. It was really good, and I liked it a lot!! I cannot wait to read more and find out what haooens next!! Adding to my favorites here on my HPFT profile so I can make my way back here as soon as RL will allow me ot do so!!! ♥
amazing banner by Vault 713 @tda
She cut the connection to the man who represented the magical world.
Hello Kenny, I have FINALLY made it here for that Review that I owe you!! I am so sorry that it has taken me so terribly long to get back to you on this. RL has been quite hectic these past few weeks. =(
Anyhow, I am quite glad that you requested this piece. I don't really read stories from Cho Chang's POV very often, so this was a really nice change for me. I feel like you have captured her character very well here, and I think that it is also very realistic that she would be drawn to this Gordon Fraser guy. He is someone who has also experienced a loss in his life like how Cho did with Cedric, so the tho of them can relate to one another in that aspect. It is tragic, yet beautiful at the same time, and I can see their romance going far, even though it is only just starting out.
I absolutely loved the imagery that you created all throughout this piece with the rain. From beginning, to them kissing in the rain at the end, it all flowed very well. The only thing I would really watch out for is you comma usage. (There we are few places that needed commas where they were missing). And then I also noticed that you did switch tenses once or twice. For example, it happened in this line here: "What is the most troublesome was that he was immune to a Memory Charm." It's still VERY impressive though, considering that English is not your first language. Every time I read one of your stories, I am completely blown away by you writing and story-tellingskills, Kenny!! ♥
In your original swap request, you had asked if this could be read as a stand-alone piece. Keep in mind that I usually never read chapters out of order, but per your request I did so on this one. (My OCD was highly upset with me for this, lol!!) To answer your question though, I think that; for the most part, this chapter CAN stand alone on its own. The only part that I realy was left wondering about was the opening conversation with Mrs. Goldstein at the beginning. That being said, however, I'm sure that if I read the previous chapters then that part would make more sense.
I think my favorite part was your description of Cho's Swan Patronus. It was really beautiful, and I could picture it gliding towards him in the rain. I'm honestly so glad that Cho found someone, and that she can finally be happy. This was a really great story Kenny, thank you so much for the Swap!! And again, my apologies for the delay in getting back to you. =)
Hi, Deana! Thank you for supporting this community. More new and old members coming, thanks to you and Paula (of course, the same appreciation to the other staffers!).
Putting aside grammer or the other things, including tenses I need to fix (I'd like to say thank you for that, Deana), I enjoyed writing the rainy and steamy scene. I felt like this chapter was the end of this fandom, but I may be back if my Muse whispers to write more.
OH, sorry for letting you read out of order, I was desperate at that time, I couldn't find beta read for this. Thanks to your kind feedback, I feel like writing more about Cho and the OC.
I just wanted to add Goldstein part influenced by the film, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Oh, a plot popped up in my mind now! Goldstein, OC's career, spy...hmm, it will be interesting...
Thanks to J.K.Rowling's information, Swan Patronus gave me a chance to write the last scene. Thank you again for encouragement.
I'd like to stop by your Malfoys again. Let's do review swap, sometimes.
Lovely Banner by apparition. @ TDA
To Draco it seemed an impossible situation. He felt certain that the Dark Lord meant for him to fail.
*Review transferred over from HPFF:
OMGosh, wow!! You have SO MUCH stuff on your AP to choose from!! But what can I say?? I am a sucker for all things Draco, so naturally I landed on this one, lol!! =P
Wow! This story grabbed me and sucked me in right from the opening paragraph! I believe this may be the 1st story of yours that I've ever read, and already I am a HUGH fan of your work, Kaitlin!! I can tell that you are a super talented writer, just from the opening scene. The way you paint such a vivid picture with your words is incredible!! I actually caught myself holding my breath there when you were describing how suffocating the atmosphere was, and I got chills when you talked about how Voldemort had “unleashed his rage with round after round of Cruciatus Curses”. *Shivers* SO GOOD!!
I've always felt so bad for Draco, and the situation that he was forced into in HBP. It's just so heartbreaking. I myself am writing a similar story, based off of these events. (But I actually started writing my current WIP Novel in between books 6 & 7, which is why it's considered AU now.) So this right here is one of my absolute most favorite types of fics to read, in ALL that is the world of HP fanfiction, lol. That being said, I've read a lot of stories like this one. But I can honestly say that THIS little one-shot here is probably one of the most well done Hogwarts-Era Draco fics that I have ever come across!! Like, this could be a missing moment pulled straight out of the HBP book, for real. It's THAT good, and I just LOVED it!!
But getting back to Draco, lol! (sorry for ranting there...) His story is so heartbreaking, and you have certainly done a fantastic job at conveying his feelings of absolute hopelessness and despair in this. When he came to the realization that Voldemort was intending for him to fail, and that “his death during the attempt was meant to be the final punishment for his father’s failures,” I almost cried. I just always feel so bad for him. I mean, can you imagine your life and the lives of your entire family being threatened in that way at just 16 years old? And then you just had to go and throw in that little tid-bit about all the horrible nightmares he'd been having. *cries* ='(
It's easy to forget how young he is though, especially when we see him dealing with such mature/adult problems that no teenager should ever have to face. So I also liked how you described him taking a shot of the Firewhiskey to help him decompress from all of the pressure that the adults were placing on him. Even though he clearly hates the taste of it, he drinks it anyways because he just wants to turn everything off for a while. Again; break my heart into a million pieces why don’t you, haha!! XD
My heart started beating really fast when he got up and was testing the fence to see if he could get away though! It was so scary when Voldemort showed up just as he was about to try it. Although I get the feeling that he was secretly watching Draco the entire time, just to see what he would so. Gah!! Your Voldemort is SO scary... But I love it, lol!! There is nothing more thrilling than taking an emotional roller-coaster ride alongside a character in a book (of fanfic, in this case) that you love. And you certainly know how to do just that with your readers, that's for sure!
Also, I love the parallel that you made in here about the spikes on the gates surrounding Malfoy Manor being used to keep Draco trapped inside, as well as keeping any intruders out. And then finding out at the end what would have happened with the spikes if he had actually tried to escape... that just tied everything together so nicely. At first I'll admit that I did not totally get the title of this fic, but now it makes perfect sense, and it is absolutely genius!! Like I said in the beginning of this review, you clearly have mad skillz, lol!!
Seriously though, the only constructiveness I feel that I can give here is that you may want to consider giving this a quick once-over at some point, because I did notice a few missing commas here and there. But I only really seen that in like 2 or 3 places, so it's not even that big of a deal. It's not like it takes away from this masterpiece that you have here or anything, lol!! You may consider me as your newest fan now, lol!! I don't really have a whole lot of time on my hands to read/review quite like this one anymore, not with me working 2 jobs (70-80+ hours per week) right now. But I will be adding you to my list of favorite authors, as well as favoriting this story as soon as I get done leaving this review... I cannot wait to check out more of your works!! You are totally awesome Kaitlin. This was amazing!! ♥♥
Some prom kisses are meant to be. I don't know about ours yet.
Beautiful banner by our sea star @tda!
For abhorsen.'s "TV Tropes Challenge", with the trope 'It Doesn't Mean Anything"
Dedicated to all teenagers.
Hello Hayden, I am here for our Review Swap!! Since you originally had the flag placed in here, I figured that this would be a good one to start with! And it's original fiction too?!? How wonderful!! =)
I feel like you have definitely captured the feeling of teenage angst very well in this. And you have also done a very good job of setting the scene in so few words too. You have just the right amount of detail, used at just the right moment, to create this very clear picture of exactly what happened on her prom night. I love the poetry feel to this, it's very different from anything I've ever seen here, but it was also a very effective and beautiful way to tell this story. Personally, I really liked it, even if I didn't catch all of the references, lol!
Not only is your imagery really good, but the way that you capture emotion here needs to be recognized as well. You have certainly stirred up something in me, and made me feel deeply for this girl. It is very heartbreaking that she feels as though her feelings for this guy that she kissed at prom may be one-sided. While he may not have been acting like himself due to all of the spiked punch, sometimes a lot of out deepest desires can come to the surface while under the influence. So it could be very possible that he secretly liked her too, and that the alcohol maybe just allowed him to finally let go of his inhibitions and go for it... Or maybe that's just my wishful thinking, who knows?!?
I know it says that they both tried to convince themselves that it was a mistake afterwords, and that they were not meant to be, but I for one am still holding out for a happy ending, lol! I love the way that you described the way that she felt during the kiss, but then I was really sad for her when she mentioned that that was the only time she ever felt whole. It makes me wonder what kind of life she's had up to this point, that has caused her to feel so broken and empty. I'm really glad that there are more chapters to this, because this certainly left me wanting to know more – about BOTH of these characters!! I cannot wait to see what happens next. Well done, Hayden!! ;)
Yes it's OF. This is my first major venture in writing OF and tbh it's kinda scary! Even though I haven't written much at all this year thanks to writer's block, I do still have a draft for further chapters and honestly I'm nervous to go back and look at them.
I'm so glad that I achieved what I aimed for in getting the essence of a teen. Though I may be one myself I am still in the early years and am not the typical teenager lol. In terms of my writing style/word counts, I have the attitude that a word count doesn't actually matter. It is what is achieved in the amount of words and how you convey the emotion and portray the scene that matters.
Yay for emotion stirring! My sister calls me a stone-faced B-word a lot and I'm glad to know that I can at least create emotion in others if not myself. As for my (as yet unnamed) characters, they're reminiscent of a lot of teen couples you hear about that are classic teenagers - falling blindly into heartbreak. But this story may be different *wink wink* Yes this girl has much more to her than will ever meet the eye :)
Reading from this I'm not sure if you have read 'later' the second chapter yet, but know that there is hope!
Thank you so much for choosing to review this story out of my many!
Lovely Banner by kitcath @ TDA
Millicent looks in the mirror briefly before leaving the room and barely recognizes herself. It is as if a distant cousin stares back at her. Someone vaguely familiar, but at the same time almost unrecognizable.
*Review Transferred over from HPFF:
This is my first time ever reading a Non-Cisgender fic, so I cannot really comment on everything specific in that regard. But it certainly does not show that this is your first time writing in this area, at least not in my opinion it doesn’t. Honestly; you are so talented, and your writing style is so brilliant. You could re-write the phone book and I would probably read it at this point, lol! =P
I love how perfectly you were able to capture the innocence of a seven year old in this. And although I do not know from personal experience, I do feel as though this is definitely something that a little girl with confusion on her gender identity would feel at such a young age. She is too little to understand exactly why she would rather wear her brother's clothes, but she does understand enough to know that ruffles are hideous, and that pink is the ugliest color ever, lol. If only her mother was smart enough to realize that her daughter was a bit of a tom-boy and just accept her for who she is, rather than force her to do something that she is so obviously uncomfortable with. Silly richy-rich snobs with their uppity and judgmental personalities! You have certainly caused me to despise the mother in this already. Not sure if she will become more open and accepting of her daughter as time goes on, but for right now I hate her – in a good way tho, lol. ;)
Also, I do not believe that I have ever read anything with Millicent Bulstrode in it before, but I do love that you went with such a minor character for this story. She's so unknown that you really could go anywhere you wanted to with the rest of this fic. Idk why I was thinking that it was just a one-shot. But I was pleasantly surprised when I got to the end and saw in your note that this was actually going to be a short story collection. I cannot wait to read more!! Good luck in the Challenge you entered this for. I'm sure that you will do great! :D
Stunning banner by accursed. @ TDA
WINNER - The Pride of Gryffindor Awards 2017 - Best Post-Hogwarts
Dobby 2017 Nominee - Best Minor Character
2nd Place - Frankie05's Dobby Challenge
A tale of death, love, and the bond that holds everyone together.
Hello Kaitlin, I am here for our review swap!! Had to stop myself from reading in order to come back here and leave these reviews, haha!! This is quite the interesting story you have here, and I was immediately drawn in and left wanting to know more. So much so that I went on ahead and read four more chapters before remembering that I was supposed to be leaving reviews, haha!! ^_^;
Getting back to this prologue, however, this was so heartbreakingly beautiful, OMG!! Look at you, messing with my emotions already, lol! What in the world have I gotten myself into? First of all, I LOVE the parallel that you have created between Harry and Ignotus Peverell here; having him recalling death like an old friend. BRILLIANT!!! And secondly, the way that Harry was surrounded by all of his family members at the end was so beautiful, it almost made me cry!! If anyone deserves to die a happy and peaceful death, surrounded by a room full of loved ones, it would be Harry Potter. And even though it was heartbreaking to read about the death of our hero like this, you handled it with so much grace and delicacy. It was just… beautiful. I really can't put it all into words. I'm just a mess of emotions right now, and I just cant. XD
I love the way you describe things here. From the way that Harry was feeling his body starting to shut down, to the details about Ginny's hair. And your characterization of her was spot-on as well. I feel as though she handled the situation very well, all things considered. And-side note- I'm kind of glad to see that Harry is dying before Ginny. He has lost enough loved one's n his lifetime, so it's nice to see that he did not have to bury his wife as well. I've read a few stories where it was the other way around, so it was nice to see Ginny still alive in this, and handling the passing of her beloved husband with so much poise and strength. I would have like to see or hear some mentioning of Ron and Hermione too. Are they both still alive in this, or have they passed on as well?
This is such a great starting chapter. Sad. But absolutely great, nonetheless. It was short, yes, but honestly I don't think something like this needs to be any longer. I feel like I would have been bawling my eyes out if you had gone into anymore detail!! My heart cannot take that, lol!! I've added this to my favorites now, and I cannot wait to read the rest! See you in the next chapter!! ♥
Hello again, back for more review-swapping!! OMG YAY!!! Look at all the people who are there!!! In the last chapter I was so sad about Harry dying, but now I am kind of happy because that means that this is an afterlife story, and now we get to see all of the people who have died in this fic, and read about them as if they are still alive, and I just… OMG!!! Okay, I'll stop ranting and go back to forming coherent sentences again now, haha!! =P
You have SUCH an amazing handle on so many characters all throughout this chapter, and not a single one of them was out of character. NOT ONE!! I did notice, however, that Tonks appears to be missing. Did she not make it into the afterlife with Remus? If not, OMG that is so sad!! Please tell me she just wasn't called to this meeting or something instead? Because my heart cannot take the other option… *cries* Also, you know, I would think that, after all of these years; maybe some of that animosity between Molly & Sirius would have possibly dissolved? In my opinion, it just seemed as though she might have been just a tad bit harsh on Sirius. But then again, this is Harry Potter we're dealing with here, and just about every single person sitting at that table right now is known for being extremely protective of him. Tensions are obviously running pretty high over whatever this mysterious test is, so Molly's reaction is also perfectly warranted for the situation at hand. I guess I just wish that Sirius hadn't take it so Personally and stormed off like that. I want to go hug him now, and tell him that it will all be okay, lol!!
And now I HAVE to talk about Dobby!!! You have captured his voice so well here. I was reading every single quote of his in his voice too, lol!! It was just all so PERFECT!! It's sad that he still feels like he has to punish himself all the time, since he has been a free elf for such a long time now, but it was also very in character from what we know about him also. I'm getting the feeling that, perhaps, people don't “grow” in the afterlife you have created here. So, like, the mindset that they have when they die kind of seems like what they're frozen with in the afterlife? I hope that made sense. That's just my theory on this though, I could be WAY off, so please correct me if I am wrong. I am interested in the way that time moves here in this afterlife that you have created. It will also be interesting to see how Harry will appear to everybody. Will he be an old man, or will he be his younger self when he arrives? I must read on to find out!! =D
"Where there is great love, there are always many wishes." -Anonymous
Two Potter men, seperated by time and fate, each wishing only the best for their child.
For SunshineDasies's Short and Sweet Challenge
Originally published on HPFF
Hello there!! (Just transfering my CTF review over from the other place, because out HPFT archives deserve some love too!!) I really did love this one-shot, quite a lot actually! It was such a beautiful idea; to show James and Harry in two different time periods, and then have them come together at the end like that. I felt so bad for James, especially when you mentioned how he and Lily couldn't even get jobs because of the danger that hey were in. Times really were different back during the first wizarding war, and you did a really great job of capturing just HOW different those two time periods were.
The contrast between when Harry was one, as opposed to when James II turned one are like polar opposites of one another. Harry just had his mom and dad there, and they were in hiding because the world was at war. Whereas James II was surrounded by loved ones, and they had this huge celebration going on. And I think it's important to remember that it was because of James & Lilly's sacrifice, because of everything that happened during the first and second wars, that they are able to enjoy that peace. This little one-shot does a great job of reminding you of that. James and Lilly died to give Harry exactly what he has now; a life full of family and friends who love him.
As far as the format goes, I thought that it was very east to follow, and I quite liked it. I also saw in your note at the end that you asked for comments on your characterization of Harry and James I. While I cannot really comment on Harry because he wasn't really in the story much, I thought that you did James I really well here. Especially in the letter at the end. You almost had me in tears!! It was so emotional, and it was definitely something that I could see James I writing. I also LOVED the idea of event-triggered charms! I've never seen that used before like this, but it is SUCH a cool idea!! It was also very sweet, and very in character for James not to want Lilly to know that he felt so hopeless enough to write their son an “in case we die” letter. I could see him wanting to keep something like that a secret from her.
My only critique is that I wasn't very happy with the ending. I wanted MORE, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, haha!! But, as I mentioned before, I felt like we hardly got to see Harry at all. And then it ended so abruptly. I at least would have liked to see Harry's reaction to the letter. Or hear more of his thoughts after reading it… Perhaps you could go back one day and add in a little bit more of Harry's response to this surprise from his father later? If you do ever decide to write more for this; I would certainly like to come back and read it, so please let me know!! This was so sweet, and really well written. Great job!! =)
Five months after the death of his love, Draco Malfoy spends Valentine's day with an old muggle camera and reliving his lost relationship.
Banner by WindingArrow
For the Throw Down the Gauntlet challenge.
Hey there!! Here for the Hot Seat, sorry I'm late!! I seriously NEED to get better at this, lol… OMGosh, Hayden, this was SO amazing though!! Talk about an unexpected plot twist!! I seriously love the way that you write. Your style is so poetic, and it flows so incredibly well. I've never read anything so unique in fanfiction before., and I quite like It a LOT! Like, I could read your writing all day, if time would allow, haha!! =D
I'm not sure what the job was that kept Harry away fro so long, but it must have been horrible. I feel so bad for him, having to stay away from his life for so long in the name of work. You conveyed his emotion so well all throughout this piece, and the suspense buildup in the beginning was really good as well. I was so nervous to see Draco's reaction to finding out that Harry was alive. I wish that scene could've been a little bit longer, but what you have fits perfectly with the style of the piece overall. I'm probly just being greedy and wanting more Draco, haha!! =P
I'll be honest, I've never read a Draco/Harry fic before. But I loved this story so much!! You guys both really did an amazing job with the prompts on this challenge. Everything was so well executed. Really brilliant job!! ♥♥
From virtually the moment they met, James Potter and Lily Evans were at odds. He was a hex-happy prankster with talent comparable only to his loyalty and arrogance. She was a clever student with a kind heart, but little patience for rule-breaking. This is the story of how two apparent opposites came to realize they were, in reality, a perfect fit. [REVISED EDITION]
2017 F.R.O.G.S. Finalist - Best Novel
2015 Dobby Finalist - Best Marauders Era
Splendid banner by elenia @ TDA.
*Review trasferred over from HPFF:
Hello Kevin!! RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for our Review exchange!! First of all, let me just say that your introductory paragraph was AMAZING! I loved your attention to detail when describing the thunder storm outside, and then you brought James' sarcastic personality into it when he announced that it was a "splendid day," lol! I love the Marauders, so I'm super happy that we got paired together for the review exchange, as I don't know if I would have found this story otherwise!! =)
I really liked this first chapter, and I think it was a great way to begin the story. I really like how it started off with James being on his summer break, rather than starting with them already at Hogwarts, or on the train in the 1st chapter, like alot of stories do. Choosing to do that provided a great opportunity to explore James family life, and I really liked that approach. I like how you described the Potter Estate, and I loved Tinka.
I really enjoyed reading his reflections on the past year, and I think that was a great way to show what's happened so far and set things up for what's to come. I'm also one who likes to watch an Epic romance as it unfolds, so I also appreciate the fact that James is not quite head-over-heels in love with Lily yet. And I like idea that he has been asking her out continuously as a joke for right now, as it gives time for their relationship to build from the ground up.
The only bit of CC I can come up with here is to watch out for those long run-on paragraphs. That last one, for example, was a bit on the longish side, and my silly brain kept skimming through it and losing my place, lol. And you don't want your readers to skim over any important pieces of your story. Simply breaking that into two smaller paragraphs would fix it easily enough tho, I think. Perhaps you could split it where it says: "Maybe she was partly right." or somewhere in that area? Idk. Now I feel like I'm being too picky, lol. Feel free to just ignore me if I am. =P
Honestly, this is already off to a great start and I can't wait to read more. The rivalry between James and Severus is good already, and I am anxious to see more on that note too. I also cannot wait to meet the rest of the Marauders, and see how well you characterize them as well! Your James is perfect so far, and I think that this was an excellent first chapter, Kevin. I'll be back for the next chapter as soon as I can. Sorry, again, for taking so long to get to this. Thanks so much for swapping! :D
BONUS-NOTE: OMGosh, Kevin!!! HOW did I forget about this beautiful story of yours for so long?!?!?? GAH!!! Adding this to my favorites list on my new HPFT profile RIGHT NOW so that I can come back and read it (hopefully soon) as soon as I get the chance!! I loved this fic so much, and I really can't wait to get back to it!! So glad to see it here on HPFT now. YAY!!! ♥♥♥
Thanks for transfering this, Deana!
Hey Tasha, I'm here for our Review Swap! Sorry for the delay… Oh no, right off the bad you are already messing with my emotions, lol. Poor Draco!! To work so hard his whole life, trying to find a cure for Dragon Pox, only to have that be the cause of his death in the end?!? That is so sad, and yet such a really good/interesting idea! How did you come up with that idea? I actually really liked a lot, because it showed that at least Draco was able to somewhat redeem himself after the war, getting into the medical field and helping to create this potion alongside Neville & Dennis.
I love how you have Scorpius and Albus married in this story!! (They totally should have ended up together in Cursed Child, OMG!!) And I like how you have Rose as their Surrogate, it makes sense for them. This is how things SHOULD have been, lol!! So yay to you, for making my dreams come true here, haha!! I also enjoyed the other small details you included too; like them acknowledging the fact that having dinner at Malfoy Manor might make Hermione uncomfortable. I was surprised to see how reluctant Harry was at first, as I imagined that reaction more from Ron. Speaking of which, where is he at? Will he be in this? It will be interesting to see his reaction to these letters, if so...
One thing I would suggest, if you have time, is to maybe take a minute to go back and read over this. It helps to read it out loud too. Because there were a lot of places where I noticed commas that were missing, and there were a few run-on sentences too. It wasn't too distracting from the story, but it was most definitely there and very noticeable in some places. Also, when the leave the Manor and it switches to ~Later, Surrey~ I felt like that was kind of a confusing transition. It's not because of you and your writing though, not at all. I think it's just the way the formatting is here on the new archives. I would suggest to maybe space that section out more, or italicize/bold the ~Later, Surrey~ line to make it stand out more. Or you could maybe even add in one of those line-break bar things in there? Just a suggestion. I hope I am not being too critical. Please don’t take it that way!!
Overall, this was a great first chapter. I think you're off to a really good start, and I really want to know what those letters say!! Especially this new mysterious letter that just appeared to Scorpius at the end! He obviously didn't write that one in 1996, so what could it say?!? PLEASE tell me you're planning to update this one sometime SOON, Tasha?!? Pretty please?? You cannot keep me in suspense forever like this, lol!! For real though, as soon as you update, I would like to know. I will definitely come back to read more!! =)
“I'm no lunatic man! I'm a sane man fighting for his soul!” -- R.M. Renfield (Bram Stoker’s Dracula, directed by Francis Ford Coppola, 1992)
Frank Longbottom awakens to find himself on the inside looking out.
Hauntingly beautiful banner by RéaltaCleite@TDA (aka Starfeather)
OMGosh, Karen, this is AMAZING!!! How in the world have I never read any of your stories before?!? Not sure how that happened, but I am here to fix that right now!! ;)
This One-Shot is absolutely AMAZING!! You should be proud of it!!! I was completely stunned by what I was reading, and you had me glued to the screen the ENTIRE time!! Seriously, I read this from start to finish – I could not put it down!! This was SO intense, and so horrifying!! (I mean that in a good way though, haha!) You write these intense action scenes so well, and with such incredible detail. I am just seriously so speechless right now. I cannot gush enough about how much I am in awe of your writing skills right now, for real!! ♥
In terms of flow, everything definitely flowed very smoothly all throughout this piece, in my opinion. Your transitions between what was currently going on, and his flashbacks to what had happened when they were attacked, were very well done. I personally liked how you kept switching back-and-forth like that, as it made the story more believable too. I really enjoyed being able to follow along inside of Frank’s mind, and find out what was happening/had happened along with him. The whole scene was really terrifying to hear about in the books, but then to actually read about it happening in 1st person POV… WOW!!! *shivers*
This is definitely something that I could see as being a missing moment from the books themselves. You wrote it so well, I actually felt like I was there. Everything from the way you described Frank’s pain, and how he was unable to get his voice to work; to the eerie way that Alice was humming Neville’s name – it really put me/the reader in the scene with them. And I also LOVED how you even included familiar items from canon too; like the thing with the candy wrappers, in this story as well!! You have seriously thought of everything in this one-shot, Karen. It is sooo good!!! HOW have you not won anything for this yet?? Like seriously, lol!! XD
You also mentioned wanting feedback on characterization and, while not much is really known about these minor characters in cannon, I can say that I feel as though you got their personalities pretty darned accurate here; especially Frank & Agusta. Frank was SO brave when he was fighting the Death Eaters, even when he knew that he was clearly out-numbered and his chances of winning were slim. He never backed down, and he stood his ground. He did all that he could to defend his family, and he even stood up to Bellatrix Lestrange. Frank is an Auror, a Gryffindor, and an active Order member. Not to mention the fact that this is a family whom we know has also thrice defied Lord Voldemort, and could have easily ended up with having their child as the chosen one instead of Harry Potter. So showing Frank’s courageous side like that was an excellent decision on your part; and very true to how I would imagine his character to behave and respond in that situation. Even after everything was over, he was still more worried about the safety of wife and well-being of his baby boy, and I think that speaks volumes about his character.
As far as Agusta is concerned, we all know her as Neville's stern grandmother. And you even still managed to portray that sternness here, the way she was barking out orders and getting generally annoyed with the people around her. Obviously, this is a highly stressful situation, and any other mother would have probably caved at the sight of their child in Frank's condition. But I can see someone as proud as Agusta Longbottom being the one to hold herself together, for the sake of her family, and not break down in that moment. You can tell that she is struggling inwardly, but she doesn't let her emotions show in front of Frank. And I especially feel that this is how Neville's grandmother is. You got her character spot-on here, as far as I can tell. Well done!! =D
Again, this was amazing Karen!! Thank you so much for requesting in our review thread. I am so glad that I was the one lucky enough to snag this one-shot!!! Call me morbid all you want to, but I'm a big fan of horror/dark stories, lol!!! I'd take something like this over a romance/fluff piece any day!! They're just so much more REAL!!! Not to mention the intensity, which you have captures spectacularly all throughout this piece!! GAH!!! Like I said, I cannot gush enough!! I will certainly be adding this one to my favorites now, and recommending it for sure!! I really, really loved it!!! ♥♥♥
Scorpius is faced with a dilemma - follow his heart and pursue Albus or follow his father's wishes and have a family? Will Albus tolerate being set aside while Scorpius dates his cousin Rose? Most importantly, will anyone leave this story without their heart being broken?
Hey Rose!! Here for March’s Hot Seat. (My God, I am SOO BAD at this!! I’m so sorry this is so late!) But of course, you know that I just had to come back for more for this story (Finally!!) I men, gosh it’s been forever…
But my Lord, you are breaking my heart already, lol!! =P
Here I thought that Scorpius would stand up to his parents more. Or maybe he’d “try girls” just to satisfy them enough, then maybe he’d not like it and go right back to Albus. Never did I think that he’d keep up this charade for the ENTIRE school year; and not with just ANY girl, but with Rose Weasley. Al’s cousin?!? Ohh, now that’s deep!!
SOOO MUCH happened in this chapter, OMG!!! Crap just got real for real, lol!! I like, can’t even...
I just feel so bad for Albus. This is a level of betrayal you don’t just get over in a day, and you definitely have captured his feelings very realistically all throughout this chapter. I think my favorite moment of the chapter was when he went home for Easter and Harry tried to get him to talk by having him help out in the garage. Awkward parent Harry was the best, lol! At least his planned worked though, and they had such a touching moment. It really was a beautifully written scene. My heart really broke for Al when he finally confessed to his father that the person he loved didn’t love him back. I’ve been in that situation before, so I know how bad that sucks. =’(
UGH!! And then it just got ten times WORSE when Al returned to school and went up to their dorm. What he had to walk into - how could you!?!? And then, to make matters even worse, Scorpius had the audacity to try and KISS Al after he had just walked in on him doing you-know-what with HIS COUSIN!!! AHHH!!!! Oh my gosh, Rose. I mean, at least now I am beginning to understand WHY your stories have such a reputation for heart-breaking, haha!! And this is only the second chapter!!!! XD
It’s REALLY GOOD though. Like, this is totally the kind of story that I could spend ALL DAY getting lost in!! ♥️♥️ I definitely want to come back and read more ASAP!!! I mean, how can I NOT after that conclusion?!?
I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME BACK TO HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN BY THIS STORY!! :D
haha, no, Scoprius has to earn standing up to his parents. It's like a badge on the forums (he has to complete x number tasks before he earns that badge). I like it when people can't even with my story :P (but for real)
It's hard not to feel bad for Albus in this story. He has his heart borken and stomped all over and then has to live around the source of his pain. I think Harry would have a good understanding of what it feels like to have unreciprocated love. I feel like as a child he loved the Durselys (especially as a small child/before he got strength from school to stand up to them) but they didnt' love him back. And while that's a parents love, not romantic love, the pain is similar.
My rep for breaking hearts is well earned :P
thank you so much for a wonderful review!!
Hey Rose!!! I FINALLY have some time to sit down and read some of your amazing sroties that I have heard SO MUCH about, haha!! ;)
Okay, so ever since the I first laid hands on The Cursed Child last year, Scorbus has been my new OTP, lol!! I was seriously SO disappointed when those two did not end up together in cannon, OMGosh!!! But this… OMGosh, THIS!!!! Oh Rose, you've made me so happy with this first chapter – although I DO get the feeling that happiness wont last, based on what I've heard about your writings, haha!! =P
Speaking of which; HOW have I NOT ever read any of your wonderful fics before?!?!? THIS IS AMAZING!!!! I am so glad that Meg recommended this story to me now, lol!! (Something we'll both have to thank her later for, haha!) Your writing style is amazing. I love your use of description, and just how smoothly everything flows here! I can't write romance like this to save my life, lol! But you make it all seem SO EASY!!!
I was so captivated by their relationship, from beginning to end. I loved the line about them being just friends on the outside, but lovers in their room. I love how right now their love seems so forbidden. I also quite enjoyed Scorpius' whole coming-out conversation to his parents. And his PARENTS!!! OMGosh, Draco! I love Draco, lol!! Both of their reactions were prefect, and so totally believable, and not too over the top or anything. It was very well done.
I really enjoyed the party scene too; how Albus & Scorpius got to have such a beautiful and quiet moment to themselves. It really was quite clever of Albus to offer to go in his mother's place, lol! And yes, if only Draco knew what he had just suggested by ordering Scorpius to entertain Harry Potters son, lmao!!! That was just too perfect, haha!! =D
This was such an amazing first chapter, Rose, and I really cannot wait to read more!! I am so worried about what might happen once they return to school, with all this pressure Scorpius now feels to find some girl he likes just so he can make his parents happy. That is so sad. Again; I am aware that this happiness cannot last forever, lol!! Will most definitely be back to read more ASAP!!!
Deana!! i'm finally here to respond. I'm the worst at responding to reviews. Uh, okay, I don't know why you haven't signed up to be part of the heartbreak train before :P I can't tell you how excited I am that you liked their relationshp and the flow of the chapter. I really liked writing the Mofloys here. They do become more accepting of Scoprius but that takes a while. The party was my favorite part of tis chapter too. Kind of a calm before the storm. :D
Thank you so much for stopping by!!
banner by Fireheart @ tda
Fifth year is not what Hero Blishwick expected it to be.
As she navigates the stormy waters of OWL year, friendships are broken, mysteries aren't hard to come by, the line between good and bad blurs and Tom Riddle becomes her anchor. But new loves can be dangerous.
And not all monsters have terrible faces.
Hello, Bianca!! Taking a leaf outta your book and bringing my reviews from the other place over here to HPFT since this is where I'll be reading the story from now on!! ;)
Okay, so I must confess that this story has been on my reading list for quite some time now!! So I am extremely glad that the CTF competition finally gave the opportunity/excuse/chance (call it whatever you will) to get over here and read it, lol!! Plus, another thing that I forgot to mention in my other review, is that I LOVE her way of counting in the beginning of this!! “One Gryffindor, two Gryffindor, three Gryffindor...” That was brilliant, B!! Shat is such a cool way to take something we do from the Muggle world (One-Mississippi) and translate it into something magical! I really liked that idea a lot!!
I love the aura of mystery that this is story is putting off already. You really drew me in with this first chapter, and already I am left with so many questions! I love the way that you introduced Hero and her family. Everything was so smooth, and very well written. Your attention to detail was fantastic!! You have already managed to provide the reader with so much of her family information that I already feel as is I know her a bit. And yet, with all of these secrets she is hiding, I also feel like I barley know who she is at all, lol! I really, really want to know what happened over the summer now. Did someone drown or something? That's kind of my guess, but I really don't have enough information to speculate anymore than that right now. I shall have to read more to see if I am on the right track with that assumption or not. ;)
I've never read a story that was based in the time-frame when Tom Riddle was at Hogwarts before, so this was a rather nice and welcomed change for me. I'll admit that it was rather strange to see him there amongst the other students. I mean, Tom Riddle was just chilling on the train with her brother like it was no big deal. Just your typical ride on the Hogwarts Express, I guess!! For real though, I cannot compliment you enough on how well written this was. You made writing Tom Riddle like a normal student seem effortless, and I completely applaud you for that!! I also liked the bit of foreshadowing you slipped in there when her brother said: “We had more important, super-secret things to do.” Like planning to take over the world, maybe? IDK?!? I am really looking forwards to seeing how that particular relationship develops as this story progresses. I hope nothing too bad happens to her brother though…
I must say, I really do love all the names that you have chosen for your characters here. Hero, Finlay, Theo, Emory; they're not the typical common names that you hear, and I like that a lot. You've introduced a lot of new people in this first chapter, and given just enough information to grab my attention and get me hooked!! I will definitely be back to read more as soon as I can. This is way too interesting not to keep reading. This was a VERY great start, it's no wonder you've won so many awards for this. It's AMAZING!!! =)
Hello Bianca, I am back again!! Woah, poor Hero!! Her parents are really something else, aren't they? Is she from one of the old pureblood families? It certainly does seem that way, as uppity and strict/downright rude as these people are! I mean, I get it that they're mad she wasn't sorted into Slytherin, but that's no reason to treat her so mean!! Why can't they write Finn his own letter about his hair? Poor Hero!! I felt so bad for her when I read that letter at the beginning. This is story is starting to get very interesting, and I am really starting to like her a lot as an MC already.
You know, all throughout the last chapter I was trying to figure out who was older; her of Finn. But now you slip that little hint in there about them being twins. Sneaky, sneaky, lol!! I never would have guessed, but I did love that little surprise once it was revealed though. It such an interesting change to see this pair of twins who seem to be such total opposites of one another. I am looking forward to seeing more of how their relationship develops in later chapters when Tom becomes more involved also.
And speaking of Tom. WOW!! Can we just take a moment to appreciate how BRILLIANT this is?!? He's clearly the one responsible for the roosters and the girl getting petrified, yet he's just acting all casual. Please tell me she's not actually falling for him, is she?!? Don't do it, Hero, don't do it!! Tom Riddle is not capable of love. He is a monster, and you deserve way better than him!!
Sorry, I just had to rant about that there for a moment, lol!! Seriously though, this plot is BRILLIANT!! And I absolutely loved getting to see a glimpse of little Hagrid in there too. Please tell me there will be more of him in future chapters?!? Everything is moving along quite nicely. Your pacing is amazing, and your imagery is stunning!! I am a huge fan of your writing-style already!! I really cannot wait to read more of this. I just want to know what happens next. I want to know more about Noah, and I want to see what happens with Tom. You write him SO WELL!!! I promise to come back as soon as I can!! See you again soon!! =)