Ravenclaw, most of the time. Lover of cats, horses and Boggle. Terrified of spiders. BrIndian vet, part-time daydreamer, and always one word short of a
banner by narcissablack
What’s the worst that could happen? After a fun evening at a Muggle pub on the last night of their Christmas holiday, Sirius Black learns the hard way. Of all his brilliant ideas, this one really took the biscuit. “I’m done with Muggle birds, I swear it!”
Hello! I hope you don’t mind me dropping by with a review? I was browsing the archives and this story popped into my peripheral vision, so I thought; why not?
I was intrigued by the title of the story, and as soon as I’d read the opening lines, I became immediately curious as to why Sirius was finding it difficult to sit down in the train compartment? The fact that he’d called himself stupid was a bit of an eye-opener – he must have done something REALLY foolish to warrant labelling himself in such a way. From the very beginning, though only a few sentences in, his character is clearly written and I have an image in my head as to what teenage Sirius Black is all about. However, what I really yearn to know, is what the blazes he as done to himself, or what someone else has done to him? Has he developed some kind of rapid-onset agonising STD, perchance??
When James and Peter arrive on the scene, I’m torn between embarrassment for Sirius, and a sense of satisfaction that they may persuade their friend to spill the beans about what has happened to him. The fact that he’d got drunk enough to partake in karaoke the night before does not bode particularly well. I have to say, though, that when Remus notices a bloody smell, the story suddenly plummets to disturbing new depths, and – wow – it sure is an effective sense to add in for extra grossness!!
Sirius seemed quite open to the idea of divulging all to his friends. Jackie and her pierced, tasselled nipples! I suppose I should have seen it coming, but you still managed to shock me with the great reveal of a Prince Albert. My poor mind will need bleaching after this story and I think I’ll be wincing for a good while yet, despite not being a man.
Bleurgh Ow Yikes!!!
I have to say, Remus’s final line takes the absolute biscuit, when he asks if it’s meant to look that swollen. I can’t decide whether to cry in sympathy or hysterically.
Well, it’s certainly different!! Superbly written, and it’s made me giggle. Thank you :)
Hello Meg! I thought I'd drop by: I've been meaning to read this story for a while, especially as it has been nominated for FROGS and yay! I've finally had a chance to start it :)
Who doesn't love a good Time-Turner fic? This is a great introductory chapter to set Hermione off on her time-travelling adventure :) Poor Hermione, fresh out of battle, and about to attempt yet another challenging mission, but it seems that she's up for it! Go, Hermione :) Blimey, Harry and Ron are going to have a fit when they realise she's gone - or will they, due to the mysterious workings of time? I can't wait to find out what happens.
Oh Dumbledore, the most benignly unhelpful headmaster there ever was! There he goes again, happily assisting students to take on dangerous tasks, whilst his portrait sleeps on. Lol! I love how you've managed to capture his canon character in this introduction; he's so not an easy one to get right, but he reads as very "Dumbledore" here.
I love how you've provided a plausible explanation as to why Hermione feels that Snape, of all the people to lose their lives, is the one most deserving of another chance. But I wonder - yikes - what repercussions this will have on the future?
Anyway, I am so looking forward to reading on, and finding out what she gets up to in 1976; presumably going into the marauders' and Snape's 6th year? At least she'll be streets ahead in terms of knowledge, having already covered the syllabus once! I've really enjoyed this 1st chapter, and I'm in love with your writing already <3
I'll drop by again soon!
Hello lovely! Thought it was about time I caught up with chapter two, so here goes :)
Ooh, this was a really enjoyable one! I love how you've now set the scene for Hermione in 1976 and she's been given a semi-pseudonym, not that I think it would make that much difference if she'd been called "Granger" in 1976, as she's muggle-born, but it's probably not a bad idea of Dumbledore to cover up her original name. Just in case an ex-student remembers her from their school-days and decides to investigate in the future...
Time travel must be dreadfully disorientating, especially if one loses consciousness. Even though she knew what she was doing, it was clearly a shock for Hermione to wake up in the past with an odd mix of things she found familiar and things she didn't. I thought you detailed the wake-up in a very realistic way and I really felt for poor Hermione when she woke up and started to have a bit of a break-down. I bet she was wondering what on earth she'd let herself in for. Another hare-brained scheme of Dumbledore's?! Speaking of which, I LOVE him in this chapter; he's such a difficult character to get right, but I really think you have him nailed convincingly here! He's as evasive as ever, bless him <3
The temptation for Hermione to change other things whilst she's here must be immense; she's going to run into so many people who are dead in the present day. Ancestors of people that she's grown to love. I don't know how she's going to manage not to try to save Sirius, James and Lily as well, or try and change Peter's mind, even if she's aware the repercussions could be severe.
What a great idea of Hermione's to switch houses (and transfer to the best one, Ravenclaw, natch ;) ). As she quite rightly surmises, there's NO WAY she'd gain Severus's confidence as a Gryffindor. It will serve another purpose too, I guess, and keep her from getting attached to the marauders.
Yay, I can feel that thisstory is going to get VERY exciting and I loved this chapter! I'll drop by again sometime soon :)
Adoration only grows, fast and strong, until I cannot live without him. In my world, he replaced the sun, and I breathed only at his command.
Lovers alone wear sunlight - e.e. cummings
Hello, I'm here for BvB.
Oh. My. Word.
I was NOT expecting this to end the way it did. What a very clever piece of work; seeking and stalking and romancing and then - wham. I feel like this story has seduced me; drawing me in, captivating me, then killing me at the end. At first, I wasn't sure whether the narrator was Albus the first or the second, but it added to the mystique to have to read on and find out. What an enigmatic character he is here.
As all of your work, it is stunningly written and full of the most beautiful descriptions that hit all five senses. All your scenes are so vivid and I feel as though I'm actually there.
When Albus Potter and Rose Weasley begin their first year at Hogwarts, they're targeted by what seem like malicious practical jokes involving the name of the Dark Lord. Even after nineteen years, who would joke about a man who caused so many deaths? The magical world must once again face the issues which still exist and may again prove divisive.
Thanks to MrsJaydeMalfoy for helping with the summary and to SpoonyLupin for the banner.
The Nargles brought me here. I would have arrived sooner for some reviewing, but you know, RL and all that. Anyway, I don't think I've had the pleasure of reading any of your stories, so let's remedy that :)
The title of this story "The Writing on the Wall" brings to mind HP book two (CoS) for some reason?
So, the first chapter kicks off with Albus's Sorting, which is a great place to start; doesn't everyone want to know who is in which Hogwarts House, after all? I can imagine Albus is feeling quite anxious about the process (I'll assume this follows DH's epilogue) after James taunted him before boarding the train. Also family pressure to follow in footsteps and the fact he's a Potter and he probably felt like the whole world was watching him. Poor boy!
I do love recognising surnames in next-gen fic and trying to remember who from the previous generation they might be related to. Rasmus - possibly one of Bathilda's descendants? Glynis Bones most likely linked to Susan? Abric Fletcher caused some consternation as the only Fletcher I could think of was Mundungus - and now I'm aghast that Mundungus may have actually succeeded in procreating. HOW? How was that possible? A love potion, I'm guessing? Yikes! Anyway...
I like Albus being a Ravenclaw. I can see how what we know about him so far would make him a likely candidate for that house. Rose in Ravenclaw too? Partners in crime from the off :)
I enjoyed this chapter; it was well-written and structured, easy and enjoyable to follow. I look forward to reading more.
Thank you so much for the review. And of COURSE real life always comes first.
Hmm, that comment about Chamber of Secrets is pretty well noticed. If you read on, a connection will eventually become clear. *grins*
I love Next Generation sortings. You often get an indication of how the writer is going to portray various characters from which houses they place them in and sometimes you even get a hint at where the story might be going - for example a Weasley in Slytherin is likely to mean conflict. And yes, this takes place after the epilogue.
I'm quite amused at your response to a Fletcher appearing. I have some fun with him in the second year.
Thanks again for the review.
Here I am again for a Nargles review :)
This was another fun chapter to read, and the story is developing really nicely.
I thought it was a bit odd that Albus should automatically head for the Gryffindor table on his first morning at school, given that he probably wouldn't be that familiar with table layouts after only one night at Hogwarts? I'm also curious as to whether, deep down, he was expecting to be Sorted into Gryffindor. There's a bit that confused me (easily done - my caffeine levels are terribly low at the moment) where Lucy was included in the relatives that Albus saw in "red and gold" - I thought she was a Ravenclaw? It's entirely possible I've got the wrong end of the stick, I do apologise if so!
I dread to think how old Slughorn must be; wow that he's still teaching potions in the 21st Century! Given he was Tom Riddle's teacher between 1938 and 1945, he must be pretty archaic by now. It's a good job that witches/wizards last much longer than muggles.
I love love love that you're tackling the academic side of school in this next-generation fic, and not just conveniently forgetting that the kids are there to learn, not just develop social skills (and explore broom cupboards dring their later years)! Poor Nathan with the bouncing bulbs, but if anyone can sympathise and reassure him, it's Neville :)
I've really enjoyed this fic so far!
Thanks again for the reviews.
His heading to the Gryffindor table is largely due to the fact his brother and most of his cousins are there and he was expecting to join them. Checked the Lucy thing and I suspect that was related to an edit or getting interrupted as I was writing it and mixing up the cousins he learnt about Hogwarts from with the cousins who were in Gryffindor. Thanks for drawing attention to it. I've edited that now so it actually makes sense.
Yeah, keeping Slughorn was probably pushing it, although Dumbledore was still teaching in 1996 and he was apparently born in the 1880s (1881, I think because I think he was born a year before de Valera -Irish politician and revolutionary leader who had previously been a teacher and who Dumbledore sounds rather like on occasion). We don't know when Slughorn was born but if he was born in say 1910, he would still be younger in this than Dumbledore was in Half Blood Prince. My main reason for keeping him is that I didn't want to introduce too many new teachers in the first story. I want to give people a chance to get to know each of the new teachers I plan on introducing through the series, so I wanted to keep as many of the canon teachers as possible for the first book. He won't stick around for the full seven years.
I don't know how people manage to write teenage characters without discussing school issues (unless the characters are the type who genuinely don't care, skip more often than they attend and drop out as soon as they reach the relevant age in their country). In my experience, school, teachers and homework loom pretty large in the lives of most children and teenagers. Particularly in the last year or two when the coming exam pretty much rules your life, but even at 11 or 12, when you probably only have about an hour's homework after school, there are still worries like "I forgot to do my Maths homework last night; my teacher is going to kill me" or "what if I fail this test and everybody thinks I'm stupid?" or even "my best friend chose somebody else to be his/her partner on our class project. Does that mean he/she doesn't like me any more?" And it's even more true in a boarding school where, if you mess up and the teacher gets annoyed at you, you probably have to face them at dinner that evening.
Glad you enjoyed this and thanks again for the reviews.
wonderful banner done by Enigma @ TDA!
beta'd by & dedicated to WindingArrow.
“Get some sleep. Insomnia isn’t romantic.”
After a terrifying night in July, 1994, her life is changed forever. While Hogwarts hosts the TriWizard Tournament, Catherine Lawrence isolates herself into sleepless nights while she struggles to come to terms with her new reality. As she attempts to decipher if the voices and the ghosts haunting her are real or imaginary, Catherine fails to notice those who reach out. But Fred Weasley could be the one person to shed light into her fortress - if she can learn to let him in.
Hello! I'm dropping by on a tour of the FROGS nominees :) I saw this story has been nominated for several categories, so I thought it was high time I came to take a look.
What an eerie beginning! Whispered voices are never a good thing to hear; is it a voice in the protagonist's head, or would it be audible to others? I'm guessing if she's had nightmares four weeks ago, it could all be in her mind? I wonder what happened on the 15th of July? I'm guessing from the title and the way the first chapter is panning out that it probably wasn't something cheerful...
It's a bit unfortunate for Cate to bump into someone in the Gryffindor common room that she presumably dated, when she's having a sleepless night. The way that the conversation is going, I reckon this guy, Rob, knows what happened on the 15th of July - was he part of it? There seems to be quite a bit of animosity between the two; not an amicable break-up, then?
Ohh, Cate's in Fred and George's year! I loved the dialogue between them all in this chapter - you've really captured the characters of Fred, George and Lee :) Their presence really balances out the dark, chilly side of this chapter, and as they are sort-of-friends with Cate, I'm hoping they'll feature strongly through this story?
More of the voice; and Cate is feeling guilty for some reason. Something dreadful MUST have occurred on the 15th of July - but WHAT?
I thought this was a brilliant, suspenseful first chapter. It definitely makes me want to read more!
Hello Brax, thanks for stopping by!
You're asking a lot of fantastic questions, and I hope they'll all be answered in future chapters! You're absolutely right to be guessing things though, it's meant to keep you on your toes :P
There's a LOT of animosity between Rob and Cate, and all I'm going to say about Rob and July 15th was that he was there. The rest is a bit more complicated, so I hope that you stick around to find out what!
I'm so glad! I struggle so much writing Fred and George since it's really important that they come across as realistic, so I'm glad you think so! I try had to keep the balance, but those lines also might get a bit blurried later on.
Thank you so much for the wonderful surprise review!
Stunning banner by Lola.@tda | Written for Unwritten Curse's Dialogue Only Challenge
Scorpius confesses something to Albus
that he has been holding in for months.
Ahem. Sorry. Just had to get that out there.
This story cropped up under the "Random Story" section on the archive and I couldn't resist checking it out. Dialogue stories are so hard to get right, but I think you've absolutely nailed it with this one! It's so perfect and adorable, and, though I'm more of a ScoRose shipper than a Scorbus one, this hilarious bit of conversation between the two hits all the feels and suddenly I don't have a care in the world about Rose! I can just picture awkward Scorpius lurking uncomfortably in the doorway of the dormitory, and Albus probably lounging on his four-poster, wondering what on earth is the matter with his friend.
I'm so glad I dropped by; this was SUCH a cute read! :)
They watched how he tried to fly, mere mortal in the hands of Fate, and they watched how he fell.
Hi Aphoride, BvB has brought me to these shores and I couldn't resist taking a look at this Teddy/Rose story. I don't know why, but was kind of expecting a conventional romance. I should have known better, coming from you!
First of all, your descriptions are deliciously beautiful throughout this piece, as they are in all your stories, and your writing has such an ethereal quality. The delicate way you craft your sentences reminds me a little of the poem by John McCrae "In Flanders Fields", which I absolutely adore. Instead of reviewing this story, can I just bow down and wail in an "I'm not worthy" kind of way, because I'm not sure my review will do this story justice? No? Oh, okay then, but please, someday, teach me your ways?
The beginning of this story with its powerful imagery, (I love the detail of the crow under the angel's wing), immediately draws me in, and I feel as though I'm there in the graveyard at night, following Teddy to Rose's grave. I love how the muses don't need external identification to recognise him. It matters not that he's a metamorphmagus; what's on the inside never alters. My heart has broken for Teddy and Rose, for what may have been and that their love in this world is ever denied. I'm just as devastated for Hugo, even though he's not mentioned by name, because he cannot bring himself to visit his sister's grave. I wonder what happened to Rose? I might read this story again after I've left this review and see if there are any clues as to what happened. (Your stories are amazing like that; each time I read one for a second or third time, I spot something I hadn't noticed before).
I'm torn between sadness and happiness that Teddy moves on through this story; part of me wants him to keep this attachent to Rose forever (even though that's kind of not very healthy, I know, but I hate the thought of her lying unloved in that cold grave). Part of me wants, for him, to heal and move on with his life. And he does - sort of - but then everything comes crashing down all around with Teddy's gradual, painful demise. His death comes as a bit of a relief at the end. Closure, if you like.
Well, wow. Your words blew me away once again. This was another fantastic story. You are SUCH an incredibly gifted writer.
She knew. She knew he was lying. She knew why he was lying. She knew exactly what had happened. And she knew exactly what she had to do about it. But it wasn't fair.
Banner by Draco_Luva@TDA!
*Transferred from HPFF*
So, we start off with Lily slumped against a wall and sliding down to meet the floor, and I wonder - what on earth happened for her to arrive at this point? Is she hiding from someone, on the run, upset and wanting some alone time? Poor Lily; I feel like something bad has happened :(
Oh no. It's an uprising against muggle-borns and it seems to have evolved past the point of snarky comments in corridors to be a threat in earnest. Crikey. James finds her and tries to make things better by reassuring her she's not alone in the fight - and oh, he's so cute whilst doing so - but I'm not sure he's made much headway so far. Maybe the unofficial and clandestine trip to Hogsmeade will help Lily to unwind.
Lily's conscience is twinging and she feels responsible for the attacks, which is ridiculous really because one person cannot be held accountable for the unjustifiable action of the purebloods against muggle-borns and muggle-born supporters. She tries (unsuccessfully) to persuade James to turn back to the castle, or to let her go back to protect the other students and I'm glad he stands his ground. It's good to see that she enjoys herself once in the pub, and James can make her laugh.
The outing seemed to have acted as the trigger for further "friend dates" but poor Lily and James having to withstand the prejudice from fellow pupils - I wanted to thump Theodora Burke! Teenagers can be so cruel.
The message about having no choice about where we are born, who we are born as, and how life is not particularly fair, is so true. Ah! I'm so glad that, after a bit of a verbal tussle between the two regarding each other's safety and desires, they kiss - and declare their love for each other!
Lovely ending to a great story!
Thanks for stopping by! I’m pretty proud of this story, so I’m glad it’s getting a little bit of attention! I’ve always been a big believer that friends make the best couples, and in this case especially, there needed to be a friendship before there could be romance. I also wanted to explore the idea that Lily and James were dating in war about blood status, and therefore probably faced some pretty extreme prejudice. It seems to me that James wouldn’t mind dealing with that, but that Lily would definitely feel guilty about it. I think it makes for an interesting dynamic, and this is definitely why I enjoy this couple so much.
This really was one of my favorite things to write, I wrote it all in one shot—I think I finished it at about five in the morning. So it’s especially good to hear that people enjoyed this, as I wasn’t really sure that it made sense the whole way through. Thinking back, staying up that late was a terrible idea. It might have turned out better if I had stopped to take a break, but gosh darn it, I was motivated at the time.
Thank you so much for the review!
Banner by heartfelt @ TDA | Adapted from Agatha Christie's novel
Hufflepuff Featured Story December 2015
Miriam Strout. Andromeda Black. Dennis Creevey. Cho Chang.
Charlie Weasley. John Dawlish. Stan Shunpike.
Anastasia Rosmerta. Sybill Trelawney.
You stand accused of the murder of the innocent. Have you anything to say in your defense?
OMG, I was so excited to peruse your AP page and happen upon thins story, based on an original by Agatha Christie. "And Then There Were None" remains one of my favourite Christie mysteries, and is, if I recall correctly, her best-seller to date. I believe she wrote it because someone once bet that she couldn't write about a whole secluded group of ten people dying, without making the murderer obvious? Anyway, she proved them wrong. I am SO looking forward to reading this, because I have read the original so many times!
I love the style you've captured here; it's very reminiscent of Christie's story, and the flow/narrative is similar, which makes me feel right at home reading it. I'm curious to see which group of people you've collected for this, and I cannot wait to know what "crimes" they all committed.
So, Cho Chang has been taken on as staff by a family called Blishen. Andromeda is invited as a guest by a an unknown person (what on earth did Dromeda do to deserve what's coming to her??).
Harold Minchum - I don't recognise the name from canon (although that doesn't rule him out as a canon character; doubtless there are plenty I don't know of) - he's been invited by a "Betty Braithwaite". I love his comments regarding the pointlessness of Muggle Island, ha!
Miriam Strout thinks she's been called to tend to one of her rich patients. I wonder who she killed/inconvenienced - must have been a healer-related incident?
OMG, not Charlie Weasley? Seriously? You're going to send Charlie Weasley to his death on Muggle Island? Noooooo!! Oh - maybe he's just going to sail the boat there and back? *crosses fingers and hopes*
Dawlish could have killed any number of people by being his usual blundering self. I wonder where Stan Shunkpike fits into all this, though?
And finally, Dennis Creevey. Wow; his background information raises suspicions. How does he know the guest list? Surely, he can't be the murderer? Isn't it far to early to reveal whodunnit?
OOhh, this is so exciting and I've LOVED the first chapter! :)
Hi Brax! <3
Thanks for your review - I love this story getting appreciation from other Agatha Christie fans. I blatantly stole so much from her for this story here, and if you look closely you can see a lot of parallels beyond the overall premise, but not t the point that it will blatantly give the ending away.
Harold Minchum is not a character we met in canon, but he was Minister of Magic during the First War.
I'm sorry to upset you with Charlie's inclusion here, but you don't seem too torn up about the others, so that's only fair, I think =P I guess I was somewhat merciful to my readers by including such small characters who they aren't too attached to.
I'm sorry to say that I don't have any updates planned for this in the near future, but I do definitely plan to get back to it eventually. I am very happy with what I have so far and want to see it through to the end at some point.
Thanks again! <3
Hello again :)
The atmosphere of this chapter is so eerie and chilly; knowing the original story as well as I do, can I just say what you've captured mirrors the book superbly? I love how you've portrayed the tension between the various characters and begun to sow the seeds of isolation and suspicion. I think I've worked out who is a replacement for each original character, although, rather irritatingly, I loaned my copy of ATTWN to someone a while ago and haven't seen it since, so cannot double check. I think Cho = Vera, Stan = Anthony, Charlie = Blore?, Dennis = Philip, Miriam = Dr Armstrong, Sybil/Rosmerta = The Rodgers, Andromeda = Emily?, Dawlish = Judge Lawrence, Minchum = General MacArthur. As a consequence, I've narrowed the murderer down to one of two characters, but I could easily be wrong, so please finish this story and put me out of my misery at not knowing??!
BTW, I love your adaptation of Ten Little Soldier Boys.
PS I really, really hope you come back to this soon, as it's SUCH a great idea for a HP story!
Glad to see you back!
You're super close about who the characters are,except you have Dawlish and Minchum switched and Charlie and Dennis switched (though in that case I cheated and changed who brought the gun).
I'm curious to hear who you suspect!
banner by abhorsen. @TDA
“He’s on the wrong side." She raised her wand. "And so are you, little sister.”
This is such an interesting and chilling moment in time that you’ve chosen to write about here. I was fascinated by Astoria’s desire to remain in the Great Hall of Hogwarts, just as the battle was about to kick off. I initially wondered whether it was curiosity rather than the will to fight (for an as yet unknown side) which spurred her decision. I love that you’ve made her a Ravenclaw! So little (nothing?) is known about her character in canon, so I was quite intrigued to see how you had written her here.
She had reasons to leave the hall, and nobody would have thought negatively of her for it. She wasn’t “of age” for starters, but also none of the students were obliged to stay and fight. I guess peer pressure would have factored with older students, though, but that she felt it wasn’t right to leave really highlights her determination and courage here. I felt quite sad that she intoned no-one would care about her? Perhaps that is her young age showing, something which was then reinforced by her innocent, child-like comparison of the battle with the action/ending of a book?
Daphne arrived on the scene. Another person we know very little about. The conflict between the sisters here raised several questions. Had the Greengrasses settled on a side as a family? Did they have strong feelings either way, or were they simply lying low and hoping not to get involved at all? When Daphne casts the Imperius curse on Astoria, was it partly out of love and a desire to protect her younger sister, or was she purely motivated by the fact that two of her siblings were opposing her? The ending made my blood run cold. I loved the ambiguity leading up to this point; it wasn’t wholly clear until Daphne cast “Imperio” which side Brendon and Astoria were on. I wonder whether Daphne recruited Astoria to fight, or whether she sent her out of the school.
Ooh, this was so good! I’m really glad of the opportunity to have read it!
Monica Wilkins has been having a recurring nightmare of her daughter's wedding. But she doesn't have a daughter, does she?
There's a little bit of meta-fiction here for those who can find it.
Oh blimey. What an unusual choice of story topic, but it's very effectively written!
I love how well you've described a scene which could have any one of many possible explanations. Are the dreams flashbacks? Are they premonitory? Are they a result of Monica's subconscious playing cruelly with remnantsof her memory not obliviated?
I like the little quaint touches like the matching flowery bedroom soft furnishings, which do their job well to highlight the dark aspects of this story (if dark can be highlighted?!).
Overall, I loved what a dark, chilling possibility you've portrayed here. Great writing!
Thanks so much for the review, and I'm glad you liked this strange little story. When I found out the same actress played Caitlin Stark and Mrs Granger, I knew I had to write a dream where Monica dreams of Hermione, but in a red wedding style. Glad you liked the contrast between the furnishings and the story itself.
banner by abhorsen. @TDA
Could rock melt? He wasn't sure.
HPFT Ravenclaw SOTM: Best Comedy (April 2017) | HPFF Ravenclaw SOTM: Best Quote (August 2013)
Hurrah for this being one of your Teddy – Victoire – Johanna stories, as I absolutely adore these characters! I thought it was a bit careless of Teddy to allow himself to get distracted and be late for work on such an important assignment day, even if he isn’t going to see Victoire for a week. It’s only a week! Johanna’s forthright “sex hair” comment made me laugh. At least from Teddy’s point of view, he’s not going to be paired with a dreaded crusty old Auror and be tormented by childhood photographs for the duration of the assignment.
Ooh! Things start getting very eerie almost as soon as they touch down in Barcelona. What on earth is causing them both to have goose-bumps (it can’t be purely nerves, surely), and is there something in the air making Johanna sleepy? Yikes, tread carefully, guys. That’s if you make it intact up the ridiculously long staircase.
There’s a certain Indiana Jones quality to this story, beginning with the opening of the secret entrance, the supernatural blue light and then – oh blimey – fire? In an enclosed space? I take it they can’t just Apparate out. Following near-death by burning, they then almost drown; I can’t imagine which is a worse scenario to be trapped in, frankly!
It was definitely a nail-biting and exciting scene from a reading point of view, but I kind of feel pretty nervous for both of them if they have to spend a whole week in Barcelona facing that level of danger on a daily basis, as surely it’s only time before one of them gets seriously hurt? Do they have to keep looking for treasure, or now that they’ve found some, can the mission be considered complete?
This was a great read! I thought the story was well set out, very readable, with a really enjoyable yet tense fast-paced, action-packed second half. I hope you’ll add more to it soon :)
We were meant to be friends, Remus. You know it, as well as I do.
Two children who grew up together. Two boys struggling on their paths towards adulthood. Two men faced with darkness too thick for them to get through.
A Peter/Remus story.
Set in the All the truth about Jimmy Portman's universe.
Hufflepuff Story of the Month - November 2016
Sitewide Story of the Month - January 2017
Beta'ed by Ysh (princesslily_36/Flaming Quilltips), with some help from Bianca (victoria_anne). Stunning banner by Kristin (Stella Blue). Love you, girls!
Hello, Chiara! I thought it was about time I visited your AP to lavish your stories with some love :) As this one is a FROGS nominee in the Best Marauder category, I thought I'd start here.
This was a brilliant first chapter! The balance between exposition and dialogue has been struck well. You successfully introduced quite a number of characters here without it feeling crowded or forced, and their interactions flowed very naturally. And PETER!! Finally, Peter gets some recognition in FanFiction! This is like a momentous occasion for me; okay, I admit, I'm not a huge fan of how he behaves in canon, but he is so largely ignored in Marauder fics that it makes your story all the more refreshing to read. The conversations feel very age-appropriate; I can easily picture Remus and Peter as two young boys here. That's not an easy thing to do at all; it's quite difficult to get children's voices to sound "right" and I think you have done an excellent job with this aspect.
I felt terribly sorry for poor Remus, both when he was getting bullied by his so-called friends and then getting locked in a garage to transform. I'm not surprised he went to Hogwarts with the intention of keeping his lycanthropy tightly under wraps.
Peter's character is very interesting, because he seems a perfectly "normal" and quite kind-hearted little boy. I wonder whether there was some particular turn of events at Hogwarts to convert him to the dark side later, which you might reveal to us?
I'm quite excited to see where you are going to take us with this story, and I look forward to reading how Peter's character develops, especially. I really enjoyed this first chapter - thank you for a great read!
Hey, Brax! *hug*
I'm finally here answering all these lovely reviews, and I feel so bad for taking so long... sorry... I'm so glad you decided to check this out (and to keep reading). It is one of the stories I'm more proud of!
Thank you! I'm glad you liked this first chapter! I'm particularly glad you found that exposition and dialogue were well balanced, because I'm not very good at description and I tend to put too much dialogue, instead.
Yes! Peter!!! I'm glad you are thrilled to see him getting some space for once. He is such a complex and fascinating character, I so love writing him. (And yes, I understand that you are not a fan of him in canon, I guess nobody is, but I do love my little Petey...) And thank you, I love writing children and I'm glad you thought their voices sounded right for their age.
Poor little Remus, it always breaks my heart to think how terrible it must have been for him as a child... yes, with what happened with Duncan, he wouldn't want to let other kids know...
Peter is normal at this point, but not perfect. He can be quite selfish and he can hold a grudge, and I think it does show already, even if only a little bit. How and why he'll turn to the dark side... well, you'll find out reading on...
Thanks to you for such a great review! So much love!
Hello, Chiara! I'm back for today's installment of "Liar"! I LOVED the first chapter, so I really looked forward to reading this one and catching up with what the marauders were up to.
I loved the section in the Hogwarts Express, where Peter is (reluctantly) introduced to his cousin, Alistair, who seems a rather dubious young man, as do his friends. It sets an early reason for Peter to have an association with the dark side, yet it's really seamlessly and convincingly written. I wonder whether Peter's cousin will play a role later in convincing Peter to turn to the Dark Lord (assuming you stick to canon? No complaints if you don't - I'll enjoy seeing where this story takes us).
The sorting hat scene was also something that I could imagine quite easily - and REmus being in Gryffindor gives Peter a perfect excuse to beg for that house (I struggle to see why else the hat would have put him there, TBH; his personal preference MUST have payed a part), so that was well-reasoned. I felt really sorry for Remus when Peter gave him a bit of a hard time initially at the feast, but they soon forgive each other.
The concept of Peter as an observer is also brilliant. It's a trait which fits him very well with what we know of him from canon. I like how he notices detail. It's a really nice touch. And he's starting to notice and observe things about Remus. It won't be long before he cottons onto Remus's secret, surely? BTW, David Gudgeon - is that a shout-out to Gladys (of Lockheart fan-letter fame)? :)
The last paragraph with Peter showing us his bold side and attempting to make friends with James and Sirius fills another gap form canon, and it's easily believable too.
I love love love the characters that are starting to develop in this story; how you've stayed faithful to their canon selves but have introduced little traits which complement what we already know abouot the boys is brilliantly executed, and I can't wait to read more! I'll be back to your AP and this story soon!
Hi again, dear Brax! So happy to see you back! :D
Alistair is quite a dubious young man... poor Peter, that wasn't a pleasant first trip to Hogwarts... Alistair might have a role in Peter's future decisions, but you'll discover it later...
I actually think Peter does have some Gryffindor bravery in him. He did become an Animagus for Remus, after all, and he did join the Order in the beginning, and those are quite brave acts. I've always thought there must have been other reasons if he betrayed his friends, not just fear. But I can't see him as a full Gryffindor, either, and I think his choice would have been taken into account. Besides, my canon expert Ysh (FlamingQuilltips) says Peter was a hatstall and I believe her :P Anyway, I'm glad you liked my version of Peter's sorting.
Peter is the kind of person who just stays aside and watches (or at least, that's how I imagine him). And I think it does make sense, both with his personality and with the fact that he becomes a spy later on. I'm glad you liked that section. As for figuring out Remus' secret... well... that you'll see later (you've already seen, actually...)
No, David Gudgeon is mentioned by Remus in PoA as a guy who almost lost an eye getting too close to the Whomping Willow, I honestly didn't make the connection with Gladys at all... I've always found that episode funny and I like to imagine David as a boy who would do dangerous and reckless things all the time on dares and stuff like that. I also wrote a little humour story about him for the last House Cup on HPFF and I've posted it here too. It's titled Don't do it, Dave! in case you wanted to check it out #ShamelessSelfPromotion
I did tell you Peter has some bravery! :P Glad you liked him approaching James and Sirius! :) I'm so happy you are enjoying the character development so far!
I really have to go to sleep now, but I'll be back to answer reviews tomorrow.
Thank you so much again and all my love,
I'm loving this story the more I delve into it. It really is beautifully and brilliantly written! I love how this chapter takes us from Remus not really wanting to have anything to do with James or Sirius, to the transformation of the marauders and the happiness of the wolf.
I'm not surprised at Remus hating the fact that he's covered up the truth about his lycanthropy from his friend. It must have really hurt him to do so, especially as he'd already (inadvertently) burned Peter once by abandoning him. He's clearly torn between the pain of secrecy and the horror of the unknown - what if everyone treats him as a monster if they find out? Poor Remus :( I love how Peter shows care and concern for his friend; it's a side not at all explored in canon, and I'm so glad for poor Peter's sake that he has good attributes! I REALLY love that you've developed Peter's character so well and given him such depth - he is such a complex person who is easy to ignore or treat as though he is two-dimensional.
After Remus has crossed James by calling him a coward, I love the little segments of the wolf that come through in the dormitory conversation, even if it is currently barking messages of suspicion! As the full moon is so close, it seems pertinent that the wolf's voice would resonate. It's beautifully shown here.
I love the conversation pertaining to the realisation that Remus is a werewolf! It's brilliantly written and made me giggle, especially the line "Hey, Remus, do you, perchance, transform into a huge, furry monster once a month?" Ha!! When they eventually confront Remus and he takes it badly initially, unfortunately running into Severus and Lily whilst looking for somewhere quiet to be alone, it made me laugh how Lily automatically assumed Potter was to blame for Remus's distress as soon as he showed up. When they have the conversation regarding animal transformations, I did wonder, at first, whether Remus thought they were willing to become werewolves for him, before it was revealed what they had in mind?! That would have been awkward for everyone, just imagine - "uh, no, we don't love you quite enough to become werewolves in your honour, but here's what we can offer instead" - maybe? Or maybe not. lol.
OMG, the chess set story! ALL the feels! That's just - ohh - adorable <3
But the genius, stand-out part of this chapter for me, was the Poetry Draught raining down in the Great Hall. All those fantastic lines. McGonagall talking in rhyme?! OMG, I was CRYING with laughter!! Just brilliant!!
I so, so loved this chapter! Superb :)
Welcone back, Brax! :)
Aww... stop... you make me blush... Siriusly...
Poor Remus, indeed. It is so hard to lie to his only friend, but at the same time he fears his reaction too much. Peter really does care for him but he just can't understand, the poor child. And yes, he couldn't be completely bad, could he? He is complex and I'm glad you are liking my portrayal so far.
I'm glad you liked the wolf, I have this headcanon about lycanthropy that the wolf is always present, as a part of the subconscious, or something like that, and just gets more prominent as the full moon comes closer. I'm so happy you like my interpretation of it.
Glad you liked their conversation, I love my boys. And yes, that line was hilarious! :D And yes, Lily! She would immediately blame James, wouldn't she? :P
Oh, that didn't even cross his mind, that Remus might think they wanted to become werewolves... what I thought Remus thought is that they somehow believed that they could spend the night with him and he would somehow recognize them and not hurt them, which doesn't make any sense at all, but they are Marauders, so they could be crazy that way... but, yes, that would have been definitely awkward... :P
So glad you liked the chess set bit!
Yes, I am quite proud of that prank! It was the hardest part to figure out in this chapter, but once I got the idea I was so excited about it! And I'm so, so, so glad you love McGonagall's lines! :D
Thank you so much for another fantastic review! You are wonderful!
Hello my lovely Chiara!
I meant to stop by here earlier today, but got carried away with other things. Wow, this chapter! There's so much going on but it is easy to follow and oh, we get a little bit of Remus and Peter action! There are some amazing, lovely things happening in here, but also the beginnings of dark, twisted journeys for some. I love the interactons between Remus and his father, Sirius and Regulus, and the beautifully-written confusion Remus experiences regarding his feelings for Peter and Dorcas.
Heh! I didn't envy Remus's appointment as prefect; what would Sirius and James have to say on the matter? As expected, they took the mickey out of poor Remus. I would not have wanted to be in his shoes, having to manage his best friends whilst they did all sorts to pull favours and make his prefectual life difficult? Not on purpose, but I bet they did!
It must have been a nasty moment for John when Remus asked who Greyback was. How could he possibly tell his son the truth? An unpleasant situation for him to be in, but I thought he handled his son's confused feelings for Peter very well. I guess having a werewolf for a son means that he's learned how to be an accepting kind of guy if he wasn't already, right?
The spat between the Black brothers was quite painful to read, as I have quite the soft spot for Regulus (despite what I sort of put him through), and it marks the unhappy start of his descent into the dark world. I wonder even then whether he had reservations about the whole thing?
The set-up of the Marauders Map was hilarious "Walk less loudly"!! Everything sounds much louder when you're trying to creep around in the dark, doesn't it?!
Sirius is surprisingly thoughtful towards Remus when he confesses how he feels about Dorcas and Peter, and his confusion. I expected him to be much more cut-throat. I guess when the chips are down, he can be considerate :) And OOOOF!! WHAT an ending, with Peter and Remus kissing? I mean, technically, they kissed earlier in the chapter, but not with as much meaning behind it as they have now!
Another fantastic chapter, and you've kept me on the edge of my seat, broken my heart a little bit with Regulus, and made me laugh with some of the antics :) Looking forward to reading the next chapter!
Hello, lovely Brax!
Thank you for stopping by again, you have no idea how much all these reviews have made me happy!
I'm so glad you loved this chapter and all the characters' interactions in it, especially Remus' confusion about Peter and Dorcas. This is the first time I actually delve into LGBTQA themes, so I'm glad it worked.
Ahahah! Being a Prefect AND James' and Sirius' friend would drive anyone crazy, wouldn't it? I don't envy Remus either. :P
John is an amazing father! And definitely a very accepting man, too (I'm sure he already was before Remus was bitten). But, yes, that must have been pretty uncomfortable when Remus asked about Greyback...
I love Regulus, too (and your interpretation of him, as well)! I really think that the two brothers love each other, and I also think that Regulus doesn't completely believe in what he's taking part into, he does have reservations already.
I'm glad you liked their midnight adventure! :P Did I already say that I love my boys? :D
For some reason, I love to write Sirius as a match-maker or a love affair counsellor. I've done that a lot in different stories. Ahahah! He can be blunt and sometimes he can do stupid things as he tries to help his friends, but he can definitely be considerate when needed. :P
Yes, they kissed! :) So glad you liked the chapter, and I really hope I'll see you back again!
Much love to you,
Magnificent banner by angelica. @TDA!
The Goblin Registry Act left the wizarding world in a state of destruction and despair. The oppressed have become the oppressors. As far as Riya Gosavi is concerned, today is a fine day for a revolution.
Hello! Just dropping by to review this story for the Nargles :)
Wow. Well, if your first line and paragraph don't draw readers in, I don't know what will! A few lines in and there's already an intense atmosphere of danger and intrigue. Attract as little attention as possible, because the goblins are coming. Yikes! And it darkens as the chapter progresses; not only are the goblins on their way, but they're apparently merciless too. Double yikes! This would be one of my worst fears; surviving on nothing in the wilderness and on the run from killer creatures.
I've already fallen in love Theo, with his array of interesting facts, his inadvertent clumsiness and his lack of outward bravery. He contrasts so well with Riya, who's clearly more of a leader than a follower and seemingly much more practical.
And is it the goblins who are watching, or is it someone else?
Another unputdownable chapter (sorry, I don't know the word for the internet equivalent)! So, Riya has an escape plan (Cape Wrath to Greenland to Goa), but goodness knows how she's going to execute the first part if she can't use magic. I guess it depends where in GB she is at the moment and how close she is to Cape Wrath. Being surrounded by pine trees, I'm guessing she's in Scotland somewhere at present?
Nooo, poor, lovely, hopeless James Potter!! Schoolboy error to make so much noise. It's lucky(!) Riya found him and not a goblin. Interesting dynamic between the Potter boys in this fic, that James needs Albus to rescue him. And now, Riya is demanding to speak to HP. That girl has so much sass, I love her!
I can't wait to read on...
Can I just say, I love your adult Harry Potter? It's so refreshing not to read yet another model-esque take on him. Giving him a bit of a paunch makes him seem so much more middle-aged normal! Eagles could still land on him, even with a gut.
So, Albus is two years older than Riya and Theo, and three years older than Lily. I wonder which house Lily is in, not that it matters in the slightest; just it's one of those things I'm always curious about. I'm glad the Potters took Riya and Theo in, but with Harry being who he is, it was to be expected. What I found particularly interesting was - was that Ginny sticking up for Riya when Ginny/Harry were having their private-but-not-really-properly-private conversation?
I'm glad Riya is showing signs of teamwork and offering her skills in exchange for shelter and food. Off to read more...
Ooh, there's the essence of feelings beginning to blossom between Theo and Lily, and Riya and Al, or even a little bit of something between Riya and James? It's kind of a crazy time for teenagers to be falling for each other, but I guess there's no stopping those crazy hormones sometimes.
So, Riya is starting to fit in a little bit better with the Potters. Lily is sooo sweet in this story :) I'm enjoying reading some background information on the characters, and the Hogwarts stories hints made me lol.
It's a brilliant story so far :) Best of Nargles luck!
Beautiful banner by la.paz @TDA! Thank you! :)
This is a story about a girl, the choices she made, and the people she loved. This is the story of how a girl and her best friend fell apart, and how a girl and a boy fell in love.
*Transferred from HPFF*
I love the start of this story, which begins with a "once upon a time" esque sentence about two boys and then continues to describe each one in more detail, highlighting their similarities and differences. The first is obviously James Potter, with his messy black hair, hazel eyes and glasses. How he was born into a doting family and never wanted for anything. It seems alost unfair that he should be the one to be bestowed with good looks as well.
In contrast, Severus Snape lands into the arms of parents who seemed not to care for him much at all, or found reason to fault him; I'm extrapolating from the fact that he preferred it when they didn't bother him. To add to his misfortune, his outward appearance does nothing to endear him to anyone, with his sallow skin, greasy hair and large nose. Poor Snape :(
There are similarities between the boys, though. Harbouring a love for a certain Lily Potter. And Snape may well have succeeded in this department had he not sought power alongside, and in the end, turned to it completely. I feel so desperately sad for Severus, that he assumed Lily would fall for him if he wooed her with power. In the end, it was the prejudice which turned her away completely. Clever use of bridge metaphors in this story.
I cannot fathom what the words sentence alludes to, but perhaps we'll come to it eventually. Ah - mudblood. So what were the other two words, I wonder?
The last sentence is very powerful - Lily made a choice without thinking and saved the world by doing so.
This first chapter is a great start to the story!
Beautiful Banner by arrietty. @ TDA
2nd Place in Claire Evergreen's Hamilton Challenge!
A series of letters between Albus Dumbledore and Cornelius Fudge.
You always have the most amazing ideas for stories, and this one is no exception to that rule! Fudge certainly cannot say he didn’t receive ample warning about Voldemort’s second rise to power after all those letters from Dumbledore, starting with the one from 1991 or earlier, when Voldemort was camping out in an Albanian forest. Foolish Fudge, naively thinking that his band of Aurors would be sufficient protection if Voldemort did rise again, when they were precious little use last time? And being so convinced that he was long dead – what a mistake to make.
I had to laugh at Fudge dreading the letters bearing the Hogwarts seal when it was only the second one he received from Dumbledore (according to this story anyway, which I might just adopt as canon as it’s so damn cute and entirely plausible). Fudge, signing himself off as “Your Obedient Servant” was something else that gave me a giggle; if he was an obedient servant, he’d have listened to Dumbledore and released Hagrid immediately upon request.
Nobody, least of all Fudge, can say that Dumbledore hasn’t given a number of ways in which the Minister could redeem himself. It’s astounding really when he was faced with so much evidence to the contrary, Fudge continued to resolutely insist that Voldemort had not returned. Talk about an ostrich burying its head in the sand. How he lived to regret some of the decisions he made during his disastrous reign, I’m sure.
I absolutely love this story! The way it starts off, fairly amicably, but soon descends into suspicion and hostility with each passing year. It’s brilliantly written and presented (as all your stories are). Thank you for a great read!