What have I done? How could I do this to her? I'm her older sister. I'm supposed to be here for her, but I go and do this. She's going to hate me forever now. I didn't mean anything I said. I was angry; I didn't know what I was doing. How could I have been so stupid?
I let her down. I'm supposed to support her through everything, help her become who she is. But instead I've pushed her away. I let my jealously overrule and I hate myself for it. So many things we did together as young kids, all of them now meaningless and worthless-because of me. All the good times gone because of me and one small moment where I didn't think.
It wasn't just one moment though. I've been like this for weeks. Ever since she found out. Ever since she got the letter. She's going to be off, being the favourite child, the special one, the one who is better because of that letter. Mum and Dad always preferred her anyway. Nice, sweet, cute Lily who never did anything wrong. Who could love selfish me over her?
This is all because of him. She was normal until he showed up, telling her things; making her believe she was special. He did this to her. He's the reason she became a... a... witch. Witches aren't real. They're stupid things in children's stories. How can people think she's special when every witch in all those stories was bad? They were always the evil ones that the good people fought. But oh no, Lily's special. Lily's amazing. Lily is going to be the best witch ever. Lily this. Lily that.
They all forgot about me. I don't matter anymore. I'm just a normal, boring human being. I'll grow up normal, have a normal job and live a normal life. Just like normal people. No one cares about normal people. There are too many of us, leading such normally set out lives. Go to school, get a job, retire, die. That's the cycle we live by. All of us.
What will Lily do? Use her magic to fight crime? Become a stupid superhero? Is that all heroes are? Witches and wizards who pretend they are fairly normal? Or are they just us, but with hidden power, plotting to take over the entire world? Is Lily going to have to be a secret now, hidden away forever because she's different? Will everyone think she's gone? Not that it will make a difference to me. I'll still be ignored because they will care for her too much and wonder where she's gone.
Even though we haven't told many people about Lily, she's still special to everyone. Those who don't know the truth, think that she's gone to a posh private school because she's so clever. She always was though. She was the brightest out of the two of us. I'm just mediocre, like all normal people. One of the normal people no one cares about.
Why do I feel this way? Why do I hate her so much? I don't want to hate her. This is how it has always been. She was always the favourite, but I was the eldest, so it didn't matter. I could still boss her around. But now I can't. Now she's gone. I'm not going to see her until Christmas. I have no chance to say that I'm sorry before then.
Am I even sorry?