I need to get back. He hasn't come through, he must be alive. But how? How could he be? Even putting myself between them won't have stopped him. I need to know that he is safe, that he is ok. Maybe it's being delayed, maybe he is being tortured. I hope he isn't, I can't bear to think what he might be going through. He's just a child. My child.
I thought we were safe. I thought we had protection, the protection that should have meant he couldn't find us no matter how long he looked. I thought we could trust him. I thought no one would go to him for answers. He was meant to be safe and hidden. Was he hurt? Did he get tortured? Did he hand us over? I will never know, never find out ... ever.
The body ... on the floor ... so still. He must be here, somewhere; somewhere close. I couldn't bear to see him there, on the floor, lifeless. My heart is aching. What do I do? Where do I go from here? Where am I? What is this place? All I see is white ... white nothingness. There's nowhere to go, not that I can see, though I can't see far, it all looks the same.
I want mum. She always knew what to do. I miss her so much. She should be here too, somewhere. Or am I alone here? Will I just stay here alone forever? Will I move on? Will all this just end? Will it all just stop? I've heard people talking about reincarnation. Could it be true? Could I be waiting here for someone to choose who I become next? How long will I wait? Will I wait forever?
Is there something I should do? Should I walk and see where to go? Can I even walk? Is there anywhere for me to go? Should I try and go through the white fog that mists the air? Is this even air? So many questions, none of them with answers.
So many memories. So many good times. They are all gone now, never to be had again. No more friends by my side, no one to hold me when I'm down, no one to laugh with me when I need a pick-me-up. I'm alone. So alone. The memories are flashing in my head. It hurts to think about them, to think about the people I shared them with, to think that I will never be able to share them again.
Am I floating? Am I falling? Can I even feel? Can I see? Is this white nothingness actually here? Is it all in my head? Am I dreaming? Is this real? What's going on? Why am I here?
I guess that it is time to move on, on into nothingness. I don't know why or how I know this, it just feels right. I know that it is what I need to do. I need to go forward, forward, forward ... on.