Hey, I'm here for BvB!
Omg how can you even say that you're not sure the humor worked? The humor worked like 5000%. It was perfect. You hit all of the best clichés, especially around melodramatic teen romance. I loved every word of it, especially loved the callout to Ravenclaw house as being oh-so-very smart and the way Albus jumped the gun ("like me I wanna have sex with you!") but got super annoyed when she did the same thing with grandchildren.
I also loved the way you openly acknowledged it - breaking the fourth wall can be tricky, but you made excellent choices with when to do it and with what, and the end result was something that was incredibly funny and engaging. The 'should have considered each other family' thing was probably my favorite of them all, because that really is such a thing - the closer-than-siblings-but-lusting-after-each-other or surrogate-cousin-in-the-Weasley-Potter-clan things are just so so common, and the callout to them was perfect.
(Also, I know you said you preferred reviews on HPFF - I don't think this is posted there yet, but if you drop me a note on my wall when it's validated, I'll x-post there. :))
Hi Branwen! :D
I'm so glad you thought the humour was good! When I was writing this, I tried not to use sarcasm too much as I wanted to try a different style that was still funny...obviously it didn't go well, I'm just happy that this still managed to be humorous. All those teen romance cliches were far too good not to use for this and as for the Ravenclaw call outs...HOUSE PRIDE! (And yeah, Albus is a hypocrite) ;D
I'm glad you liked the breaking the fourth wall thing. I put a lot of emphasis on it but I wasn't sure if it was too much and just weird. Albus and Emma are supposed to just be platonic friends but...pining crushes works too, lol. Maybe. ;)
Thanks so much for such an amazing review! My story has actually been validated on HPFF, but I think it's just a bit lower on my AP there. If you could x-post, that'd be brilliant. Thank you once again! :D