Hi Jill! Here to build a snow fort for the winter wonderland! (OC POV)
I remembered how dark and shiny the wood was. -- Maybe a weird thing for me to point out, but I love this line because it's so true that you remember the really minute details at times like this, and this just rings really true with my own experiences.
Ok, I get that Cate is grieving and her emotions are understandably over the place, and I get that she can't emotionally invest in a relationship at that time, but telling her very recently ex-boyfriend who just confessed his love for her that her friend was her soulmate... I don't think that was a good move. Especially as Rob literally just asked if they had a thing and Cate is like "no. But he's my soulmate". Not really convincing, Cate...
I feel like Rob and Cate keep going in circles of misunderstanding one another and they're just this wall of Angst between them all the time. Fred is a breath of fresh air and Cate should spend all her time with him instead. She's happy with him, whereas Rob just reminds her of things going wrong and she's just in such an unpleasant headspace when she's thinking about him. It's kinda nice that they're trying to get on better terms again with tutoring or whatever, but I suspect it's just going to swing back around again because that's what their relationship does. You don't have time in life for people who bring you down. Goodbye Rob. Hello Fred!
Fred is absolutely wonderful though and his theories about Ron cracked me up. Yeah, I agree, Ron totally had a crush on Victor Krum. :P
Eep, Kristin! I sort of forgot you've been reading this story :P
I'm glad and also sad that it rang true with your own experiences; you do tend to remember these small little details in times like this.
I sort of feel like giggling at this next paragraph, because this is the beginning of Cate's "Well well she's made some poor decisions and she's not the best at handling them" arch. Rob's been pissed off for a few chapters, and you're finally going to start to figure out why.
Yesss, there's definitely a wall of Angst and misunderstanding around Rob and Cate. So much has happened between them, and it's really fun to see your reactions to how it all plays out. If only it were as easy as 'goodbye, Rob and hello, Fred!' but I def get what you're saying, and it's something that Cate's going to continue to struggle with.
Yesss he totally did!
Thanks for the great review! <3
Emily here, reviewing for the 'Puff Special November/NaNo Review Swaps! It's been a while since I've started to read a WIP, but I'm so happy that I found this!
Let me stary by saying that your characterization in this first chapter was really lovely. I immediately connected with Cate and the struggles she's going through. She felt very real to me, and I liked that a lot. The other characters were good too, and even though it took me a little while to keep all of the OCs straight, I didn't struggle too much once I got their names down. It can be hard to start a story with an ensemble OC cast, but I felt that you introduced people very naturally, and I look forward to getting to understand them and their relationships to one another.
Secondly, the emotions here were wonderful. I could really feel the trauma that Cate is experiencing, and those feelings made me very eager to read on to see what happened over the summer with Cate, Chris, Rob, etc. It's so important to capture readers' attention early on, and you definitely succeeded at that.
Finally, I love that Fred and George are going to be a part of this story! They're some of my favorite characters to read, so I'm really glad they're here. I can also tell that Cate is really going to need someone's support to get through what she's experiencing, and I know Fred will be great at that.
I'm so glad that I found this story, and I'm excited to read on. Look for more reviews from me soon!
Emily, hi! Nice to see you on this story, as it's my baby <3
Thank you so much! Especially with my OCs, I really strive to make characters feel real as well as introducing them organically. Rather than being like "This is Rob my ex-boyfriend and Tommy my twin brother" I like to see you guys put the pieces together with Cate. I'm glad that worked here!
Yesss, Fred and George! They're going to be great in this story, and it's been so much fun writing them!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this first chapter, and I hope to see you here soon - thanks for the lovely review and organizing the review swaps!
<3 <3 <3
Dammit I don't know who to ship! At the moment I just feel like I'm sending out little tugboats into the water and they're all just sailing around aimlessly bahaha. But I'm happy for Cate and Rob in the beginning of this chapter. I think that familiararity and comfort they have with each other is really relateable, and something that Cate needs right now, no matter how much I want her to move on.
Oooh but Fred is never far from her mind! I love seeing this Fred - jealous and human, instead of the usual happy and joking Fred we always see. He seems more real this way.
"And do you kiss everyone who fights the same battles as you?" EEP! But I'm glad they worked it out in the end!
And I'm so glad this chapter ended on a happy and hopeful note! Made the wait worth it! I can't wait to see if Cate succeeds :D
Gurl, you know how I felt writing that scene. I don't know who to ship!! Cate definitely needs comfort and familiarity more than anything right now, and Rob is more than happy to give it to her :P
D'aw, Fred. *sniff* I'm glad he comes across as real and human though; that's as important to me -- if not moreso -- than keeping him canon.
Glad it was worth the wait!! And thank you for the review! *snuggles*
Here for our swap (and because I couldn't wait to see how Cate was doing)!
Aww... Rob... You know how much I love them, right? That scene at the lake was so sweet, you can tell there is still so much affection between them. I loved their kiss, and I loved even more their hug later. I'm just glad that he's trying to watch out for her.
Her nightmares make me so sad. Poor Cate, it's so awful everything she's going through... It was nice to see both Rob and Tommy comforting her. I love that her brother is trying to be there for her too.
And then there is Fred... And he's jealous... that's at the same time sweet and irritating. Well, not Fred's jealousy in itself... it's more the whole situation, you know? I mean, I understand that Fred is annoyed about Cate spending so much time with Rob, and I'm torn because, while I really love the idea of Cate and Rob together, I realize that it wouldn't be a healthy relationship. And it's obvious that neither Fred nor Rob are looking for friendship and I would like Cate to be lucido enough to see it, because it feels like she's playing with the feelings of them both, even if she isn't doing that on purpose and she just wants someone to give her support... erm, I'm not sure myself what I've been rambling about in this messy paragraph. I just want Cate to be happy and no one to get hurt. But I guess that's not possible in any case, right?
Oh, I love Katie and Angelina! I love that they are trying to watch out for Cate as well, she needs their friendship! And The idea of a girl date for the Hogsmeade trip is so nice! Some women-only time is definitely needed at times and it would be just great for Cate, she needs the fun! :) And like Angelina, I'm so proud of her seeking help with Madam Pomfrey! It's such a huge step and I'm so glad she's making it!
I didn't talk about Chris at all in this review (probably because I'm quite annoyed at him at the moment?) but I am still wondering why he's haunting her and what he wants... It was also sort of funny how Cate hadn't known about Harry being a Champion... she's really been out of the world, isn't she? I still wonder how the Triwizard Tournament will mix up in your plot (or will it just stay a background event?)
This was another great chapter. If I had to complain about anything at all, it would be that it was a bit short, but there's nothing wrong with short chapters, don't mind me, I guess it's just that I'm craving for more... :P
Thank you for swapping and tons of love! :D
Yes, I know how much you love them -- they certainly can be adorable when they get along. And there's definitely more than lingering feelings but underlying affection between them, even if they don't realize it yet. He's been trying to be there for her since day 1, she just hasn't let him.
Aww yeah, Tommy is definitely trying as well. ♥
I totally get what you mean. This chapter actually managed to spur an entire creative crisis for the direction of this story, but I finally managed to figure it out. She's certainly not doing it intentionally; she really just wants/needs someone to be there for her like they're trying. Everything you pointed out will come out later on, though, don't worry. No playing without consequence ;)
Yeah, Cate definitely needs some girl time. It will do her well, hopefully. And yes, she's been very distracted :P And the TriWizard Tournament won't really come up until later on; for now it's just sort of a background thing.
Your questions about Chris will be answered soon enough. :P
Thank you for the lovely review and the swap!! ♥ ♥ ♥
Okay, so I've been meaning to get back to this story for literal ages and I finally had free time last night.
Oh. My. God.
I don't know how I ever stopped in the middle of this??? You have such an amazing plot set up here. I need to know everything that happens like right now. I mean, not really, cause that would probably ruin the beautiful supense and tension that you've built up here. But still.
Your characters, man. Holy crap, they feel like such amazing, real people. You've written Cate and Rob's pain so vivdly, I can really feel what they're going through. Also, kudos to you for tackling the canon characters. Fred, George, Angelina, and Lee are some of the most intimidating characters to write imo and you absolutely nail them. Fred is one of my favorite HP characters and I love how you've characterized him.
Also, I see that Slow Burn tag and let me tell you, I am in it for the long haul (I am a sucker for Fred/OC which is where I think this is going *she says hopefully*). Bring it on! ;)
So happy to see you back here on this story!
Yay, thank you! I kind of struggle with setting up plot and storyline structure sometimes, so I'm glad the suspense and tension has been built up well. Things are gonna start spiraling pretty quick from here.
Oh god, I'm so intimidated writing them! But I'm glad they come across as true to their characters.
It is a very very slow burn. That's all I'll tell you :P (You might be on the right track though!)
Thanks for the lovely surprise review XD
Just stopping by to transfer the reviews I left this amazing story on HPFF! ;)
Hey, Jill! I'm so so so so so sorry that it's taken me so long to get to our swap, real life has just been hectic.
So I know that we agreed to a one chapter swap, but I am so hooked by this that I had to keep on reading. Your characters are so spot on, I love all of them. Speaking from experience, trying to write Fred and George is incredibly intimidating, but you pull it off amazingly. I really felt like I was reading the exact characters JK wrote about in her books. Seriously impressive.
You have such compelling characters here. From the little glimpses that we've seen of Tommy, he's already such a real character. I can see that he really does care about his sister in his own way and I love all of his little quirks as well s his apparent issues with the twins. I also love love love Cate. She's such an interesting and intriguing character with her own idiosyncrasies. While she may not be the most likable character, she certainly is a fantastic choice for an MC and PoV character. She has such a strong voice that really comes across on the page, it's wonderful!
I'm also so here for the plot you've set up. I have so many questions, but not in a bad way. I genuinely want to keep reading so I can learn more. What happened to Chris? Why did Cate and Rob have a big fallout? Why aren't Cate and Tommy closer? What're the twins' roles in all of this? You have me completely hooked, I can't wait to come back when you've updated :)
Thanks again for the swap!
Hi, Claire! No worries on the lateness!!
Ah, thank you so much for saying that about Fred and George! I really struggle with writing humor - especially for the Weasley twins - and am always afraid that it won't be as funny to other people. So thank you, that really means a lot!
And yes, Tommy does care about his sister, but as you said, in his own way - they just have a lot of things to deal with.
All fabulous questions! They will be revealed in due time, if I can get my stuff together long enough to write more of this for you all :)
Thank you again for your lovely review!
Paranormal experience from beyond the grave.
McG - All right, class, back to work.
ONLY at Hogwarts...
I honestly don't know where I stand with Rob. And Rob and Cate. And this WHOLE mess. Personally, I think they all need help. GROWN-Up help....but they aren't gonna listen to me.
And then there's Fred. I can't quite figure out yet if he like-like hers, or just wants to help her as a friend. I'm ASSUMING this will be a romance...but he's kinda swinging at it from an odd angle and taking his sweet time.
*snickers* Yep, only McGonagall. She's concerned, of course, but they have a curriculum! ;) Her reaction is sort of important, though.
I'm soooo glad people (and you) are feeling conflicted with Rob and Cate and everything. That's exactly where you should be right now. And yes, you're right- they do need help. Cate's admitted it, but it's a bit of a struggle for them to get there.
As far as Fred, I'll tell you that he and Cate are a slowburn. He's taking his sweet time and going at odd angles because he knows that a new boyfriend isn't really what she needs right now, and that's all I'm going to say.
Um... Thanks! :D
Wow. Wow. WOW!!!
Okay, I'm thoroughly creeped out now, and huddled in a blanked in the middle of July. Did I ever mention how I do NOT do ghost stories?
Girl, you have a talent for writing the creepy!!! Yes, it's couched in the funny, and the touching, and the normal teenage-y stuff....but CREEPY!!!
WHAT does Chris want? Is he really dead? Is he stuck somewhere, al la Watcher in the Woods style? (And can I tell you when he showed up in the bathroom mirror I almost lost it?)
You have me very worried and yet hooked.
Amazing job, great writing, perfect description- as always.
Oh, and P.S. Mr. Ghost - hands off my Fred!
Um, you didn't mention that - so... sorry not sorry for future chapters if you're already invested in the story? XD
Thanks! I still feel like it needs work, but I'm trying to draw from some of my favorite authors for inspiration. Glad it seems to be working! And thank you, it's hard trying to find a balance between all three.
Um.... I'm answering none of the above, you'll have to read on. :D
Aww, thank you so much, Jill! I'm glad you're still enjoying the story <3
Transfer from HPFF
I'm so jailbreaking but boy I am excited to be here! I've heard such good things about your story from other people that it was on my list of things to read. So i'm reading out of order but I really loved this already!
Cate seems like such a complex character already, I have the feeling that you know everything about her already which is why you've been able to create a charater that comes across so layered in the one chapter I've read so far. I feel like this story is really going to develop all aspects of her of personality. Shes obviously going on a huge emotional journey here.
I love how you're portraying her grief, it is so beautifully written, it's so raw and emotional. The start of the chapter when she is seeing Chris around though she mentions he's a muggle. it's like a desperate confusion for Cate, she so obviously needs some kind of release when she wants to know it wasn't her fault. guilt is such a powerful emotion which you've honestly played wonderfully in these scenes.
I really loved the contract to the quite normal conversation with fred in the next scene. He came along and brighten the tone of the serious first part. I liked that she could smile and have a bit of banter with fred, I like the challenge fred sets of getting to know her so I have a feeling that he'll be back again. the dialoge was well put together as it wasn't too much or over the top. just a normal nice conversation which shows the reader that there is a bond between the two characters and lay the 'groundwork' for their future encounters.
so, I thought the scene when her housemates offered her help was really touching. They really miss her and want to be there for her. Cate is lucky that she does have some friends even though she's finding it so difficult to connect with right now. I thought it was so calming for them just to go on to talking about boys/tri wizard/gossip like girls do. I'm glad that Cate had some peace even it was only for a little bit.
you've done a great job at balancing cate's emotions and the tone of the chapter between darker and lighter scenes. The last scene was so gripping, i love that she draws and that finally her and her brother could make that human connection and have that moment to unite in the face of their grief. I hope for cate's sake that relationship can be worked out properly so she can have someone there for her and hopefully cate could do the same in return. xx
- Abbi xo
Hey, Abbie! Happy to see you here!
I'm so glad that you've been enjoying how I portray her grief. It's something that I've been very careful about to do it justice, so I'm so happy that it's coming off as raw and emotional, particularly in this chapter, where she has a bit of a meltdown.
Fred's a major character in this story, so he'll definitely be back! And he does do a great job of lightening the mood of not only Cate, but of the story as a whole. Keeping the balance between light and dark has been important to me as well, at least until we get into later chapters ;)
I'm so glad you were able to piece all of these together even with just from reading this one chapter, out of order. I'm glad things make sense enough that there wasn't too much confusion, haha. She and Tommy will eventually get to a better place, but it'll take some time.
Thanks for the lovely review!
Transferred from HPFF
12th April 2017:
Attack Review at CTF round 1 for Jill!
Hi, me again. I was very impressed by your work at the previous CTF attack review, I enjoyed reading this, too.
Wow, the first line, “He’s right there, I thought, staring at him through the glass of the greenhouse. I can’t possibly be the only one who sees him.” is also intriguing. As I read the summary first, (this time ;) ), I wondered if she saw a ghost or something. At the same time I wondered what was like to see a ghost in a greenhouse during class. “No one else seemed to notice.” But she could see him. How scary!
Tommy and Rob seemed to be real persons, right? But Chris was a ghost, a muggle one. (Every time I spot Gryffindor like Lee Jordan, it makes me smile. And I waited the moment for Fred.)
I like the difference between George and Fred you wrote, “the slightly stockier twin, and his red hair was disheveled, his brown eyes shining”. Hmm he was “heading back from Hagrid’s on official business”… what was the official business? I’m curious to know that.
“Being with Fred had almost made me forget about seeing Chris’ ghost after the Herbology lesson. Almost.” I feel happy for her. To see and think about the ghost all the time is no good for her.
From the conversation with Angelina and Alicia, I think I could capture what had happened to her. Though I don’t have the experience to spend time with friends at the dorm like them at Hogwarts, I could imagine what their relationship at Gryffindor CR were like from your excellent work. I enjoyed very much. It was also fun to read how the Triwizard Tournament was seen from the other students from their conversation.
Reading the scene she started drawing, I felt like I also wanted to start drawing pictures, which I’ve postponed so long. Oh, it’s so sad, this
“I drew in months was the one thing that had been haunting my dreams at night.
That day at the quarry.
The day Chris died.”
And that was when she’ d shed tears over his death. So sad. And it was good for her she had her brother, Tommy. So touching chapter!
Hello again, Kenny!
Tommy and Rob are definitely real people - her brother and her ex specifically. Is Chris a ghost, though, or just an image of her imagination? ;)
I do like to distinguish the twins, especially because as Cate gets to know them better, she's going to spot the physical differences.
It was fun to write that scene in the Gryffindor CR with the girls and imagine what the tournament was like from someone other than Harry's POV. :)
I'm glad the scene got you to want to draw again!
Thank you again!
Hi there lovely! Here for our review swap. I only spent about 15 seconds on your AP before I immediately decided I would be reading *this*. I knew that I absolutely must check out the story that wond the FROG for best mental illnes!
Looooove the first chapter. It has everything it needs without overdoing it. You managed to strike the right balance of introducing the main characters, setting a dark tone for the story, and hooking the reader into needing to know more.
First off - what are "The Golden Chalice Awards?" Because that sounds amazing! Congrats on having a story with multiple awards!!
Now back to the story of the hour...
Hoo boy, this one looks to be a doozie. I'm totally in love with Catherine. She's got a great mix of Gryffindor spunk and drama - haha! I don't think I've quite figured her out, but I feel like you've really painted a multi-layered character here, who isn't really who she would be under normal circumstances because of something that happened over the summer. All I can deduce at this time is that she either witnessed a murder (Chris? I think?) or she acted in some manner that lead to his death — and is really struggling with the guilt of it, as evidenced by the fact that she keeps hearing his voice. Since this is the wizarding world, I can't completely rule out the possibility that she is actually hearing him, so I'm going to hold off on making an assumption.
Your dialogue is fabulous. Everything is so easy to read, and it flows so well. —as is your characterization of Fred and George. I love that Catherine is a prefect, because I feel like that is going to create some interesting interactions with the twins. Twins being Fred and George, not Catherine and Tom (OMG TOM-CAT! I just realized that!). But let's move on to that giant pink elephant.
Right off the bat, Tom is rubbing me the wrong way. He seems much more loyal to his best friend than to his own flesh and blood. And while I can excuse that in certain circumstances, it seems like it's obvious to everyone that Catherine experienced some major trauma this summer. At the very least, I expect her brother to cut her some slack. It sounds like they've always been at odds a bit, which makes me sad. They are housemates and family, too!
My only cc on the entire chapter is that I (personally) found the number of nicknames a bit confusing. I wasn't even going to mention it except that it is literally the only thing that caught my eye as a bit off. I understand that the Weasley twins call her by different names, and Chris also used another name, too.
I'm dying to know what trouble she got herself into over the summer! And I also want to know more about her past with Rob. And Chris! I must read on!
Thanks for doing a swap!
Hello lovely Beth! I'm still a little shocked that I was even nominated for best mental illness, let alone won! O.O
Haha, thank you! They are the name of the Hufflepuff House Awards. And the award is for runner-up, but hey, I'll definitely take that! No complaints here :P
The problem with answering reviews in the first chapter is that I want to respond to your questions but I also don't want to give anything away! I'm glad you're in love with her though, haha. She definitely has a lot going on underneath the surface and I'm glad that's being portrayed well here.
Eep, thank you! Characterization is massively important to me so I'm glad everything flows well, and it'll definitely create interesting dynamics with the Weasley twins. (I NEVER EVEN REALIZED TOM-CAT UNTIL YOU POINTED IT OUT! haha!)
Her brother SHOULD cut her some slack, and he does... eventually. He has, well, reasons - or at least his own reasons why he thinks his behavior is justified, but he's also always been a bit of a prick. But also, there's more to those dynamics than you know just yet THIS IS WHY I CAN'T RESPOND TO CHAPTER 1 REVIEWS WITHOUT BEING CRYPTIC :(
I totally understand the confusion about the names! I just wasn't sure how to introduce them since they're different names for different people with varying relationship development. (Ugh, does that even make sense, I should quit now...)
Oooh, there's a LOT of history with Rob and Chris and that summer. I hope you'll read on more, I'd love to do another swap!
Hello! I'm dropping by on a tour of the FROGS nominees :) I saw this story has been nominated for several categories, so I thought it was high time I came to take a look.
What an eerie beginning! Whispered voices are never a good thing to hear; is it a voice in the protagonist's head, or would it be audible to others? I'm guessing if she's had nightmares four weeks ago, it could all be in her mind? I wonder what happened on the 15th of July? I'm guessing from the title and the way the first chapter is panning out that it probably wasn't something cheerful...
It's a bit unfortunate for Cate to bump into someone in the Gryffindor common room that she presumably dated, when she's having a sleepless night. The way that the conversation is going, I reckon this guy, Rob, knows what happened on the 15th of July - was he part of it? There seems to be quite a bit of animosity between the two; not an amicable break-up, then?
Ohh, Cate's in Fred and George's year! I loved the dialogue between them all in this chapter - you've really captured the characters of Fred, George and Lee :) Their presence really balances out the dark, chilly side of this chapter, and as they are sort-of-friends with Cate, I'm hoping they'll feature strongly through this story?
More of the voice; and Cate is feeling guilty for some reason. Something dreadful MUST have occurred on the 15th of July - but WHAT?
I thought this was a brilliant, suspenseful first chapter. It definitely makes me want to read more!
Hello Brax, thanks for stopping by!
You're asking a lot of fantastic questions, and I hope they'll all be answered in future chapters! You're absolutely right to be guessing things though, it's meant to keep you on your toes :P
There's a LOT of animosity between Rob and Cate, and all I'm going to say about Rob and July 15th was that he was there. The rest is a bit more complicated, so I hope that you stick around to find out what!
I'm so glad! I struggle so much writing Fred and George since it's really important that they come across as realistic, so I'm glad you think so! I try had to keep the balance, but those lines also might get a bit blurried later on.
Thank you so much for the wonderful surprise review!
(Last transfer, I think...)
Oh wow. I'm so torn about this chapter.
I HOPE Tommy is acting out of real concern and love for her, but after reading Cate's thoughts, I'm not sure that's the case. And he does have a rather lousy way of showing it usually.
And I actually feel rather bad for Rob here. Cate may have gone into the relationship with a set of stipulations, but what he said is true - things and feelings can change. And she's being awful selfish to not at least acknowledge that. Him falling in love with her doesn't mean she has to love him back, but she can't get mad at him for it happening, and she can't expect him to ignore it and have things go back to how they were before.
Now, the Fred part. I really liked this part. I like that he's playing games with her to get to know her! It's so unique and such a Fred thing to do. True story here - when I was in high school I had a friend that I used to do this with. We'd write each other funny quizzes and pass them back and forth for the other to answer. Fun times. Probably why this part made me smile so much, as well.
And Fred, mate, gotta hand it to you. Of course you would know that the way to a girl's heart is through chocolate. Nicely played!
I like the glimmer of hope you give at the end of this chapter, that Rob and Cate can somehow reconcile and be...something...again.
Still, I feel like we haven't seen the last of your ghost. And I feel like there are big, terrible secrets here that still need to come out and are hanging...waiting...teetering on the edge. I imagine the crash is going to be both huge and painful. :(
Great writing again. I really think your chapters are getting even better, which is awesome considering what a high level you started at anyway.
I've enjoyed reading this and hope you'll have more up soon! Thanks for posting!
This is actually my favorite chapter so far, but I understand your feelings!
I think Tommy *is* acting out of real concern, but given his previous behavior, it's hard for Cate to understand and accept. He does normally have a lousy way to show it, but she needed to call him out.
Aww, good. I wanted everyone to see where Rob is coming from and why he's been so hostile towards her because it was important for their journey.
I'm so glad you like the Fred part! I was kind of nervous about it because I wasn't sure if it was something that he would do, but everyone seems to love it and I'm glad you do as well! It was actually really fun to write that bit.
Ah, yes, Rob and Cate. Will they, won't they? *innocent whistling* But yes, hope is necessary!
As far as the crash, well... it will be big. And terrible. And my poor babies *hugs them*
Oh, wow, thank you so much for the compliment! This story is kind of my baby, and I'm so glad that you've enjoyed this so much! I have a few other WIPs to work on at the moment, but I plan to have another chapter up in the not-so-distant future.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for your amazing reviews!!! I can't wait to find out who you are so I can squish you!
(Again with the transfering.)
YES! Finally her brother acted like a brother! That moment was just so good! Her finally drawing, and then finally letting the tears come, and then Tommy being there to hold her. So simple and yet so profound. It's my favorite moment yet in a very good story!
Now, I'm also getting a little creeped out by Chris's ghost. I mean, why is he here? Does he want her to know the truth? Does he want revenge? Is he just tying to say goodbye? This story is like 3/10 romance, 3/10 murder mystery, 3/10 ghost story, with a little bit of high school drama thrown in on the side. It's amazing that you can get all that in there, and still have such a brilliant story!
I really did love the bonding between the girls her age, though. And because we know these other girls, we know they would be caring and concerned. I love that they are there for her.
Now Fred. Bravo on the banter and writing there! I'm a bit picky about my Freds (as you might have guessed from my code name here) and you are doing a splendid job! Can't wait to see what he has planned for this friendship.
Also, I kinda wonder what he and George are up to. That's always something to worry about, lol. Especially if they are involving Hagrid.
Great stuff! Thanks for writing and posting!
Aww yeah, Tommy finally stepped up and put his big brother shoes on, so to speak. This actually wasn't the original scene - it was originally Lee, but I changed it to Tommy after a friend suggested it - and I'm so glad I did because it makes way more sense this way. I'm glad it's your favorite moment!
In terms of Chris' ghost, all I'm going to say is that you shouldn't be creeped out. Well, maybe a little bit, and his purpose will be revealed in due time ;)
I sort of forgot about the girls, honestly. Oops. But I felt like this was definitely necessary for Cate.
Thank you! I'm trying hard to keep him as canon as I can, so I'm glad that you think I'm doing a great job. Sometimes banter is hard for me to write, but it flows naturally with these two.
All I'm going to say is keep in mind that this takes place in the Goblet of Fire ;)
Thanks for another great review!
Okay. I must give you a hand. This story is FAR MORE complicated than I even imagined.
So, Rob is actually responsible for Chris' death? Wow. That's just...wow. If this were CSI they would be getting ready to arrest him by about this point in the show/story.
Maybe you are really Agatha Christie in disguise? Mixing magic and murder mysteries in the same story!
It was a very interesting switch to suddenly be in Rob's head instead of Cate's. There's a lot of guilt going around here, and apparently some of it is not totally misplaced.
So, Rob and Angelina? Is this going to take the place of Fred and Angelina, to clear the way for Fred and Cate?
I should be typing more here, but I'm seriously still kinda reeling from the revelation that Rob pushed Chris. I mean, that's HUGE stuff! Way bigger than who broke up with whom or what so and so got on their Charm's test.
Still here, still needing to find out what happens. And as always, still great writing!
You're right about one thing: this story - and all the characters - are exceptionally complicated ;)
That's all I'm going to say about that.
I'm DEFINITELY NOT Agatha Christie in disguise, but thanks for the huge compliment! I don't often write mysteries, so I'm glad it's coming across well!
This story definitely has bigger issues going on and I can't wait to see what you think of the rest!
So glad you're still intrigued!
Cate's having a hard time in this chapter, isn't she. Poor girl. I must say I AM glad that she took that nap. It had to be good for her.
I really enjoyed the part with Lee in here. He's not a character you see in fics very often; he always gets overshadowed by his two more attention grabbing buddies. It was very nice to see him get the spotlight on his own for a bit. I really loved the way you wrote him as still funny, but awfully caring and concerned as well. Nice job!
I'm a bit torn on what to feel about Cate and Rob. It's obvious that they care for each other, and I kinda wish I could just smack them both upside the head and tell them to work it out. But, also, everyone is also entitled to their own feelings and the time to work through them. I kinda think Cate needs to realize that about Rob...and herself as well.
All this rambling about the characters tells you that you are doing an excellent job at writing complicated and detailed OCs. Take that as a huge compliment. :)
So, does this mean there is going to be Cate and Fred stuff in the future? I mean, I know there will, given your tags on this fic, but...yeah. Interested to see how that will develop!
And I really need to know the whole story about how Chris died. Gotta work out exactly what's going on.
Aw yeah, I wanted to keep Lee in here without him being overshadowed by the twins. He's a really great guy, and he cares about people, so of course he's going to be concerned if he thinks that something's wrong. I'm glad you liked his appearance here!
You know, you're not wrong in the sentiment of wanting to smack Rob and Cate in the head. Even when writing, I want to do that sometimes :P And you're right, she DOES need to realize that Rob's entitled to his own feelings. It's a journey♥
Thank you! I definitely take that as a huge compliment. I love dark and complicated OCs ;)
I'm so excited for their development as well! They're going to be adorable together.
Thanks for another great review!
(Another transfer, from my silly secret review-name.)
Oooh, things are getting interesting now!
Okay, first of all, I find your take on twins unique. Twins are usually written like Fred and George - two people who are always together, practically part of each other. And don't get me wrong, I love that, but I think you've done a very realistic thing here to show a pair that actually AREN'T attached at the hip. It's still an extremely authentic sibling relationship and it's intriguing. Especially when you juxtaposition that next to Fred and George's version of being twins. So, nice writing!
Secondly, it's really fun to explore the Hogwarts era from a different character's point of view. To have familiar names pop up (Fred, Lee, Angelina...) but experience them from inside someone else's head. We're two chapters in to a Hogwarts Era fic and you have yet to mention Harry Potter. LOL. That's very different. (And probably should teach poor Harry something about him always being so worried about what everyone is thinking of him...most of the time, they actually probably aren't! LOL)
Oh, something horrible and awful and sad happened at that swimming hole over the summer, didn't it. Poor kids. And this brings us to the real question - is Cate really seeing a ghost? Can Muggles come back as ghosts?
Oh, and Cate, take the nap. Naps are amazing and the best thing ever, and all too soon you will grow up and never have an empty weekend for napping ever again. So, while you still can, just take the nap.
Thanks for all the transfers, Jill! XD
Oh wow, you're back already!! Hello hello!
Yeah, I figured that twins were just regular siblings. Sure, they have that special bond - and I don't forget about that in this fic - but some twins don't get along and some twins are very different. I'm glad that you liked that, and noticed that parallel there with the Weasleys ;)
Ah yes, I love Hogwarts era fics. And you're right, but given everything that's happening with Cate, I doubt she'd be too bothered by the hero of the wizarding world :P
Naps are the best medicine!
Thank you for another amazing review!
(Transfering from HPFF, originally posted under the name Rapier Rodent as a secret gift exchange thing.)
Please excuse my unfashionably-lateness. I would tell you the sordid tale, featuring pirates, marauding unicorns, and some Muggle contraption known as bouncing house, but I fear you would be bored. Besides, this review is supposed to be about you.
So yes, let's talk about you, and this AMAZING story you have started here!
SUCH TALENT! I have found myself all caught up in this tale already! I have questions that I want to know answers to.
Who exactly is this girl the the multiple nick-names and twin brother? What happened in July that is causing all this lingering grief? Who is Chris? And who/what is making that voice, if it's real at all!
See, this is good! Great stories leave things like these dangling, tantalizing readers to come back for more and find those answers. Something you have done SO WELL!
An utterly perfect appearance by the oh so dashing Weasley Twins did not go amiss either. :D There are so few stories out there that include these characters, and do it well. BRAVO!
You certainly have a gift for writing characters and drawing readers into caring about them right from the start. I can't wait to see where this goes!
Don't worry about the lateness, I'm just very happy that you came along to read!
Aw stop, you're making me blush :P I really wanted an interesting first chapter for this. I had a lot of things to set up, so I'm glad that you had all of the important questions at the ready by the end. Even without an immediate cliffhanger, I knew I had to give you guys a reason to keep coming back!
Thank you so much! I struggle quite a bit writing the Weasley twins, and keeping them in character is important to me, so thank you!
Wow, thank you for the lovely review!
Finally here to catch up with this awesome story!
Ahahah! Poor Cate... everyone looking out for her... it can be a bit overwhelming... but I'm really glad she has so many people who care for her around... :)
Aww, Fred... how adorable... I loved to see Cate having a laugh with the twins, she definitely needed that! :D
And Rob... (yes, yes, I know... he's no good for her and I shouldn't like them together... but the things he told her, and that kiss at the end... *hearts*)
I'm curious to know how you'll use the Triwizard Tournament in your plot, it was nice to see that brief appearence of Cedric, and I wonder if we'll see more of him as well (by the way... you know, Cate? Cedric might not be so off track about Fred... just saying... :P)
I'm also very curious about whatever Chris is up to. Why would he lure her into the Black Lake? And what is it that Tommy and Rob aren't telling her? So many questions still unanswered, and I really want to know everything!!!
This was another great chapter! Can't wait for more!
Tons of love, my dear!
Hello Chiara, I'm excited to see you've made it to chapter 10!
Fred is certainly adorable; he's good at keeping the mood light while knowing how to be there for her. He's the best ♥
In terms of Rob... it's okay that you like him. For now. They have a lot of history so of course they're going to find ways back to each other!
Well, I need to have a few unanswered questions, don't I? We're only just at the beginning ;)
Thanks for the love!
Hey there, Jill! :) Dropping by for our swap - I couldn't resist coming back to this story! (Fun story: I spent three minutes looking thorugh the reviews on this chapter absolutely convinced there should be one from me already, because I was so sure I'd already read it; I was so sure the site was wrong :P)
Anyway, I loved this! I gotta say how much I love the way you introduce all of the characters. So many of them so far have been OCs - Cate and Tommy and Rob and Chris - but they've all been so good, and the way you introduced them all is so natural and fits with Cate's voice wonderfully. It confused me for a moment who Rob was (but I'm so tired, haha, so there's a genuine chance it was just me :P), but you introduced it so simply and it made sense, you know, not to say 'Rob, my ex' or whatever, so it's essentially a negligible point :P
I'm so curious about what exactly happened - why does she think she could have saved Chris? What went on between the three of them which now means that Chris is dead and Rob and Cate have broken up? Ahhh it's so interesting and I really wanna know! :P But, obviously, you're not going to tell us any time soon - it would ruin it :P
The flashback/nightmare was so creepy and so good - they're so hard to get to work (I avoid them like the plague :P) but you did it so well I'm almost jealous :P Your description in that was so lovely - the moment when she saw Rob bleeding all of a sudden and the blood on her hands was so freaky :)
You do the twins so well, too - and Lee! I love that you gave him a separate personality and made him into more of his own character rather than just being another part of the twins :) (Also, haha, I kinda loved how her brother was so hesitant to let the twins off, knowing that they pull pranks and stuff - poor guy, he just wants to do his job and obey the rules, and Cate's there like 'nah, it's cool :P'. But it was nice to see coz at every school there are people who obey all the rules and people who don't, and there's so much friction available there, so I loved that you used it :))
As always, your writing is so lovely - it's so clean and so smooth and your dialogue is so natural and your description is so pretty. Ugh, it's so good :)
I'm so, so curious as to what happened now - I will definitely be back once I'm free from exams ;)
Hey Laura! Tbh, I was hoping you'd pick this story for our swap :P
Thank you! I do love to lean on OCs and Next Gen characters because they're far easier to write than the Golden Trio/Canon characters, in my humble opinion. And I do just try to throw all kinds of characters at you because I hate labels and would rather you figure out the relationships through subtext, so I'm glad that seems to work here!
Well, part of the reason she thinks she could have saved Chris is because magic exists and she didn't use it to help him. Another reason is because she thinks she could have prevented the series of events that's the night at the quarry. :P
Thank you! The twins intimidate me, but they're definitely easier to write as time goes on. And Lee is super adorable and I just want to snuggle him. And yeah, there's definitely some stigma about being Prefects, and Tommy definitely exemplifies that, if that makes sense.
This means so much to me coming from you!
I look forward to seeing what you think :D
Hey there, Jill! :) So I thought I'd stop by this one, since I've seen it around and anything dark/mysterious/tragic is right up my alley :)
I don't generally tend to read that much Hogwarts Era stuff - too many weird AUs, haha - so this is slightly odd for me, but a good odd :) I love the way this is set in the fourth year - so much potential for interesting things! The Yule Ball, the tasks... so much stuff! Especially with the twins, and the whole Fred-taking-Angelina to the ball thing :P
I love the way you set this up, too - with the conversations with Cate's ex-boyfriend and then her brother and the twins. It's so mysterious, giving so little away - obviously something happened over the summer which seriously shook her, but you don't say anything about what, which is so frustrating, but so perfect for a first chapter :P And then the thing about 'Cate's reckless summers' - oooh, this is already exciting, and throwing up so many questions!
Your characters are great too. I just wanna say first how much I love that Rob and Cate haven't just fallen out of love or stopped caring about each other now their relationship's over - it's so real to life and can be so painful, but people rarely seem to remember to include that side of it in fic, you know? So yeah, I love that - it's a small thing, but it's so good :) Cate's great, too - I love how she's friends with Fred, et al., how she's so hesitant to talk about personal things, gets snippy easily, and just struggles with emotions. It happens and it's something I love seeing portrayed well, like you do it, because it's often just Another Convenient Character Trait To Emphasise The Growing True Love Between X And Y, because she'll talk to him, ofc (grr :P). But she's so real - as all of your characters are - and Rob is too, and I can't really hate either of them, because there's so much you haven't told us yet, but it's so awkward and painful and hard, and they're both struggling so much with whatever's gone on. Poor chillins :P Also, you do the twins and Angelina, etc. fantastically well. I have no idea how, because I struggle with them so much - I've never written them and never will, too scared :P - but you've nailed them there and it's super impressive :)
As always your writing is wonderful - you have such a lovely style in this, with the introspective sections, and your beautiful dialogue framing it all. It's so lovely, and so clean and emotive - you write so compact but there's so much in it, you know? You don't waste words - everything is written so precisely and so perfectly.
And that last line is so harrowing and so weighty. It's a great ending :)
I really, really enjoyed reading this :) I'll have to come back some time ;)
Ooh, hi, Aph! You've probably seen it around bc I talk about it on Twitter A LOT :P But I'm glad that you decided to stop by this one!
I totally get what you mean about the Hogwarts Era stuff, but I feel like book 4 is kind of the exception to the rule, y'know? And you're right, there's so much potential here with everything you mentioned and it definitely plays a role later on in the story, assuming that I remember to write it in!
You're right about that! There's a lot of strain between Cate and her ex and her brother; she needed people to lighten her up a bit, and I thought the Weasley twins and Angelina were the perfect people for that. I love unanswered questions :P
Well, I'm not sure if Rob and Cate were ever really in love (not a spoiler!), but they definitely didn't stop caring about each other. I really wanted it to be realisitc in that sense, so I'm glad you like it! I'm so, so glad that Cate is real; that was one of my biggest priorities with this fic, especially since she's dealing with some pretty dark stuff. And I hate when it's just another convenient character trait! She's definitely hesitant to open up to even Fred, but he'll manage to worm his way into her heart regardless, I think ;) I'm SO GLAD! Omg, I struggle so hard with the Weasley twins but I'm glad that the effort paid off!
Ugh, this review! It was so lovely! As you probably saw it in the Squee-Worthy reviews :P
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Hope to see you back in later chapters <3
How are you, my dear?
So, I thought I'd stop by here before fulfilling your request, since you said there are spoilers for HS there (and since you've had this chapter out for so long and I should've come here ages ago...)
Aww... Fred... he's just so sweet... *squishes Fred* Really, Cate is lucky to have someone like him taking care of her. Sometime you just need someone to be there and hold you, without words and questions, and I love that Fred can understand that's exactly what Cate needs right now. I loved this intimate moment between them.
Chris' death... oh, my... that really gave me chills! I can't even begin to imagine what it must've been like for Cate. At the same time I'm kind of angry at him for doing something that reckless just to get her attention. And at Rob for being so cold and disinterested. And at Cate for not realizing sooner something wasn't right. Well, actually I can't blame Cate at all for it. I guess your mind just refuse certain thoughts until you're faced with the evidence.
Fred is right, anyway. It wasn't Cate's fault. It wasn't anyone's fault, it just happened. Whatever dynamics were going on among the three of them (which I'm still not completely sure about... is the next chapter coming soon?)
This was another wonderful chapter and I can't wait for more! Your writing is just so wonderful, I so love your characters' development as well as your telling skills. You're such a great writer (I know I tell you all the time, but it's the truth)
See you soon, sweety!
Aww yeah, Fred is certainly adorable. And I think he recognizes that - that she doesn't necessarily need someone to talk to (well...) right now, but more to just be there with no questions asked.
Yeah, Chris is kind of an idiot ^^ But sadly these kinds of things do happen which is why I like to write about them and explore the dynamics and everything.
I'm glad you're still a little fuzzy on the dynamics ;) Things will be explained in due time on that front!
Thank you my love! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and your reviews are always so lovely and so encouraging, and I appreciate that ♥
Hola mi amiga,
YOU BRING ME BACK TO THE CLIFF AND EXPECT ME TO BE OKAYYY? Cate, quit relieving this! Dang kids and their invincibility complexes. I do feel bad for Rob though. Like he had to know how she seemed to feel about Chris and that really just makes the whole thing even more messy. Poor Chris too.
SAFE AS LIFE! OH THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY.
Except then I remember what happens next and I'm a lot less happy. I did like finally seeing more of that fateful day though. They way you slowly give us more bits and pieces really builds up a lot of the suspense. I really like Chris's character (both alive and as a ghost) and now I'm just picturing the whole story if that didn't happen and eventually they'd be together and tbh probably live happily ever after and year Rob would be grumpy but eventually he'd get over it and they both could have had the normal, sane life that they deserved.
You were right I am happy at this sweet little Cate+Fred interaction. My babies.
Oh my god the ginny bit. That was such good character development.
That's 100% NOT her fault. I mean even when she still thought it was some kind of joke she tried her best to try to find him. Like Fred said, accidents happen. And the whole love triangle thing and her guilt with that...let's be real love is messy and terrible and things are bound to go wrong. Especially when you're young. She wasn't like mwahahahaing and plotting to tear them apart. Things just happen. I just don't think he's going to be as judgmental as she seems to anticipate. I hope not at least.
OKAY I'M READY FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! Also I saw that you've been having some bleh days so I just hope you're taking the time to treat yo self because you totally deserve it!
New theory: Chris is a Thestral.
(I didn't say my theories make sense. It's a theory in progress, subject to change at a later date.) But seriously, she's the only one who can see him, and she saw him die? Sounds like a thestral to me. :P
No but really, I'm so curious as to what's going on there. The first time he showed up, in the first or second chapter, I thought he was just a figment of her imagination, or just a strong memory, but now that he's talking and interacting with her I don't think she's just inventing it. Although, the insomnia for weeks may be causing hallucinations or something. I don't know what to make of it and I'm intrigued whether he's real, just real to her, or just a vision, some sort of closure she needed in her subconscious. I don't know what's real! Anyway, it's really interesting.
Also: Fred Weasley is the best. The silly conversation he and Cat(e?) had on the way in from the grounds made me laugh and I love how he really lightens the mood of the story and how he kind of brings Cat(e) out of her head and makes her forget all the burdens she's shouldering if just for a moment.
I'm so glad Tommy was there for her at the end - I know she's crying and all but that scene made me really happy to know that she has someone who is there for her and that she's letting him be there for her. And she even did some art too - maybe things are getting better. :) And she's opening up a little to her roommates as well - even though she didn't want to talk, she's at least interacting with them again and not shutting them out. It feels like she's making progress.
Your theory made me snicker and that's all I'm going to say about that. :P
I'm glad you think it's interesting. And questioning what's real; that was kind of the point of this and I'm not going to say anything more because #spoilers.
I LOVE FRED. He's so easy around her and is exactly the kind of person that she needs. Everyone deserves someone like Fred. *snuggles*
She's definitely making progress, at least here, even if it's slow. It was time for Tommy to stop being a brat (to keep it PG-13, haha) and to start being there for his sister, and she needed to let him be there. So many walls.
I'm so glad that you're enjoying this story! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews!
So, Rob is hiding from Cate the fact that it wasn't her fault? Isn't that a thing he should tell her? He should tell her. Lack of communication and Cate blaming herself is what's been driving a wedge between them in the first place, so the last thing they need is more secrets. He's really just going to make it worse. >__<
I kind of want to just lock Rob and Cate in a room together and make them talk out their problems.
Angelina is awesome. Fact. Like, she has a reputation for being fierce and strong but she's alsoreally perceptive and caring, as noted here how she keeps checking up on her housemates even though they both have such high walls up.
The fact that Rob is trying to give Tom advice on how to talk to Cate is so ironic because Rob would do well to follow his own advice!
I did really enjoy reading from Rob's POV though - I think it was important to see through his eyes as it really makes him a lot more relatable, even if I still think he has poor decision making skills when it comes to mending a friendship :P
Great chapter and I'm off to the next one!
He's totally making things worse. I think there's a part of him that wants to tell her everything, but given the circumstances, he's worried that it's going to be enough to push her over the edge. He's trying to be logical and also kind of selfish. :P
They really do need to be locked in a room, though. Hmm.... *writes down idea*
I love Angelina! She cares so much about her housemates and doesn't want them to self-destruct.
I'm glad reading through his eyes makes him more relatable. I thought it was important to see that he has walls, too; he's just as defensive as Cate and since they're both volatile, they're not going lean on each other right away.
See you there! <3