I knew I wanted to read some more of your stories, but I always kind of find it intimidating to jump in somewhere, not having so much context for your overall universe. I couldn’t resist this one, because the remise and the focus on an OC Greengrass relative seemed very interesting to me.
As I feared, there was a lot of context for this story that I didn’t quite have, but you did a good job of including lots of subtle exposition to establish circumstances and relationships. There are lots of clever little details you put in that I genuinely can’t tell are related to things happening in other stories, or are just additional deeper worldbuilding, such as the Muggleborn rights movement and the dementor crisis. It is really interesting to read such a deep well thought out universe like that.
I also noticed your pattern of not introducing a character’s name until fairly late. With Albus, it had the effect of putting Johanna at a social distance from him, seeing him primarily as a pupil, not on first name basis. Kind of similar with Harry - to us he’s Harry, but to her he’s her boss. Plus his description was so clearly him hat t wasn’t confusing not to have his name. I’m not sure it was quite as effective not to get Ogden’s name until the vision, unless you were specifically saving that as a reveal for people who have read your other stories. If not, it seemed odd that her name wouldn’t come up in the conversation about her with Harry.
Aaand I’m a fool who didn’t realize this was a WI until I got to the end. I am really interested in the premise of werewolves and other creatures being targeted. I’m not sure if you plan on writing more, but I’ll have to try to check out Canary in the Coal Mine.
Hey, Branwen. You edited this story since I stopped by last time, right? Are you planning to make an entry for my Auror's Tale story challenge, Season 3? I'll accept this after editing. :D The deadline is July 1. If you can post chapter 2 soon, it's better.
Transferred from HPFF 10th July 2016:(including review for the prologue, chapter 1 at hpff)
Hi, Branwen! Thank you for making an entry! I enjoyed your story. It was very interesting from the start. I missed Karuizawa, the nature and the weather reading your story. It is very hot here now. I wish I could reading in a hammock feeling breeze pass by. Ogden is also a name for Firewhiskey, right? I hope you can update this ASAP.
Chapter 1: The story began in a very narrative way. Readers wait for mystery holding their breath. Writing style reminded us of J.K.Rowling’s. Each scene holds picturesque beauty. The nature let us imagine typical European or American country landscape including an apple tree and a hammock. But the benign scenery was turned to play horrific discord that resonated with the victim’s mind movement. Though the author gave the readers a hint about her in the beginning, ‘Jane Ogden would be at 1,530’, we wonder what secret she had kept having, who tried to threaten her.
Chapter 2: This chapter was written in a different way compared to the previous chapter, the training scene is also very unique, Occulmency lesson is not found so often in the other fanfictions. The war hero’s second son seems to be good at it, which reminds us of his father’s history and we expect our hero will enter soon. The author didn’t betray us. Harry Potter is portrayed vividly and entertains us. The new character, ‘Johanna Greengrass’ is introduced unobtrusively, and we can guess she will be a narrator through the coming story instead of the author. Her observation will guide us to the next generation world, too. We can’t wait for the next chapter.
Hey, Branwen! :) So I gotta confess that this was one of your stories I've seen before and wanted to read, but never got round to it - so I'm here now :)
I love Johanna so much, haha. Omigosh, she's just so strong and so capable and she has such a personality, you know? I like that she's abrasive and sarcastic at times - it's so realistic, and a pretty unique characterisation. Plus how she deals with Harry is so funny - knowing what he's about to ask and sort of tempering him a little :P Also, I like that while she's good at things - Legilimency and visions - she's not the best at them, things don't come naturally to her, she has to work for them.
I gotta say quickly - poor Albus! Must be rough being an Auror when your dad's the head, yk? Like he'd know everything you'd do wrong at work... ugh :P
I'm not sure if I've said this before, but you have such a gift for plots. Like, every story I've read by you has this beautiful, cohesive plot and it's always so good - everything unfolds so naturally, even the plot twists, and nothing feels out of place. I'm incredibly jealous of that, haha, since I can't do it at all :P Anyway, I love the start to this: that there's a missing person, that no one knows where she's gone or why or what's happened just that something feels odd about it, and then that she's been kidnapped for some reason... poor Jane :/ But it's so possible, and I'm so excited to see what happens further with this - how the Ministry reacts, how Harry reacts to it, if this impacts Teddy or Vic or anyone. (or Dom. Safe-house romance is always good :P)
As always, your writing is so, so good - but you don't need me to tell you that ;) I love how you do description and dialogue both - they're both so perfectly in character and so great. And you do action so easily and so effortlessly, and that's a real skill ;)
So yes, imma definitely be back - ofc, as long as you update ;) (Update please? :P)
Wow, this chapter is great! There's so much going on and it's all really interesting! I love how much you reveal about Johanna here and in such interesting ways. Rather than giving us a huge block of information about her backstory, you pepper in details that, while not telling us everything (or even that much) make her immediately very intriguing. I particularly liked the stuff about her mother never forgiving her for being her father's child, that really piqued my interest. And then it turns out she has visions! omg.
I really liked Johanna's characterization too. The way she was with Albus was great and I liked her interactions with Harry too.
This case she's been given is certainly mysterious. I can relate to just having a gut feeling that something's off, even if there's nothing concrete to back it up. I totally believe that Harry would trust that sort of instinct. And then it turns out that there's very good reason for that gut feeling after Johanna has her vision. But there's still so many questions... who is killing half-breeds and why?!
Poor Jane Ogden. She was clearly not a danger and seemed to be, from Harry's description, a good person. What an absolutely horrible fate to meet. :(
I really enjoyed reading this first chapter. I read it over on HPFF first before popping over here, and I must say I like this version better. This is really such a great start and I hope there'll be a new chapter of this soon! :D