transferred from CTF (HPFF)
29th April 2017:
Hi, Margaret, it’s my great pleasure to be back to you story at CTF Round 5 attack review. I know I started reading in the middle, but forgive me it’s the forums activity before we nominate for FROGS.
The title, Easter caught my eyes, we have no Easter celebration in my country so I’m eager to know how you will describe the celebration. I like the first paragraphs. I tried writing about Rose and Albus and I like your style where Albus got confused with all tests and worried about his coming next years and Rose gave him information. You mentioned Ravenclaw, so I guess Rose and Albus are Ravencalw.
I like the conversations between Albus and Derek. It’s a nice idea Potters set a box office number for Muggles preparing for Dark Wizards targeting them. I’m thrilled to find the spot you mentioned Harry in charge of Auror office. I also like the chat between James and Harry about Auror jobs. I’m thinking it’s a good plot to set policeman’s work in the story. I’ve read the similar one written by cambangst, of course it’s a very different situation, but I think it very good as well as yours. I wonder if you have stopped by some chapters of Dan’s COB. Just I wanted to say I remembered the scene where Ron got confused with Muggle Police system reading yours.
I’m Hinny shipper, so I’m so pleased with this spot : “You must call me Ginny and my husband is Harry.”
You captured Albus’s mind movement while he was waiting till their parents would finish their conversations very well. I really like you let Harry speak about his jobs to his family. And I like Ginny reproving two sons who were eager to speak a lot about their lives at Hogwarts.
Oh I want to try “large Honeydukes eggs” ! I also want to try eating “a chocolate bunny, that twitched their noses and bounced in their hands as if trying to escape” And “a chocolate egg, which morphed suddenly into a chocolate dragon and then back again.”! I feel happy for Albus comparing with his father, Harry’s poor child memory with Dursleys.
You showed me how to describe Weasleys gathering like family Quidditch games. There are plenty of cheerful dialogues, it’s fun to read them.
I was very impressed by the last scene with Teddy and I love “a new gramophone record of Teddy’s favourite skeleton band”!
Hello! Here for CTF!
I've been meaning to get to this story for a while so I'm glad CTF is giving me the chance now! And I really enjoyed this first chapter, too! Sorting chapters are always so interesting! :D
I think I can see Albus as a Ravenclaw, and I loved that he was so surprised. It's always Gryffindor or Slytherin, so it's nice to see one of the other houses from time to time (as a Hufflepuff, I might be biased). It's lovely that Rose is in Ravenclaw as well, I loved the way he hugged her, you could tell how relieved he was.
And talking about the Sorting, I think you wrote the tension before it so well. I can totally get the anxiety building and the wait seeming aeternal. And on the contrary, the wish that time woud stop when the moment grows near... it reminds me of Uni exams...
Albus' roommates seem an interesting group so far. I like Derek, I love that he is so anxious because of his lack of knowledge of magic. But I guess all Muggleborns go through that, right? It won't last long.
Blackburn... is it a surname I should know? It rings a bell, but I can't remember, so I figured I'd ask. We'll see if she is a good teacher.
And I suppose Lucy is a Ravenclaw too? You didn't say explicitly, but since they were talking during dinner, I guess she is.
About the dinner... from the way you wrote it, it seems they didn't have time to eat at all, in the short space between McGonagall's speech and then her inviting them to go to bed... I know it doesn't really matter, but I thought I would point it out...
I can see why Albus would be worried about his house, Ravenclaw seems quite demanding to me. But I know the Hat (usually) knows what he does, so I'm not too worried. ;)
This was an interesting introduction to your story, hopefully I'll manage to get back again soon.
Lots of love,
Thank you so much for the review. Really glad you enjoyed the chapter.
I had a couple of reasons for placing Albus in Ravenclaw. From the epilogue, he actually seemed most like a Hufflepuff to me, but I have a really old (pre-Half Blood Prince) story in which Harry's son is in Hufflepuff and Albus reminded me a little of this character in the epilogue, so I was concerned that if I placed Albus there, I'd end up basically writing the same character again. Albus REALLY didn't seem like a Gryffindor or a Slytherin to me. The thing we most learn about him is how worried and nervous he is. Now any 11 year old would be, going to boarding school for the first time but he also seemed kind of nervous of his brother and easily picked on, which doesn't really fit the Gryffindor character. And he seems to dread the idea of being in Slytherin. Nor do we have any indication that he is particularly ambitious or devious. If anything, he seems rather innocent and trusting. And no son of Harry's is likely to be concerned with pureblood. The ambition is POSSIBLE but on the whole, not really. So that left Ravenclaw. Also I feel that when a character only considers two houses, unless we know enough about that character to know they could not possibly fit in the others, then they should not end up in either of those houses. If they do, it looks like it's the author and not the character who has forgotten about the remaining houses.
And Hufflepuff is my second favourite house after Ravenclaw. Those are definitely the only two I would fit in - honesty, cowardice and hatred of prejudice are some of my more defining characteristics, along with love of learning and ideas.
Blackburn isn't a canon character or OBVIOUSLY related to a canon character. I'm not going to say she's not related to any canon characters, because the question of who characters are related to does come up, but if she is, Albus and Rose (and the reader) aren't going to know it and it won't be as simple as her having the same name as that character.
As for whether or not she's a good teacher, that question will definitely be discussed quite a bit across the next few chapters. She might be somewhat erratic at times.
Yes, Lucy is in Ravenclaw.
Whoops, the issue with the meal was from transferring all my stories in a relatively short period of time. I obviously transferred an older version of this chapter that I hadn't fixed that in. It's fixed now.
Thanks again for the awesome review. I really appreciate it.
Hiya! I'm here for CTF! I’ve been meaning to stop by and check out some more of your work since I reviewed your story for the After Effects challenge! I really appreciated the mention of Lydia, I’m looking forward to seeing her from the students’ perspective.
This is an interesting start to a story! I’d never considered Albus as a Ravenclaw, but I think it’s a really interesting concept. Far too often you have Albus sorted into Slytherin and having an identity crisis. It’s nice to see him deal with being put in a different house. I also really liked that Rose and Lucy were in Ravenclaw as well! It was really interesting to see Albus’s feeling of being alone but not totally isolated from his family. I’m really looking forward to seeing future interactions between them as the three outsiders of the family. I’m also really looking forward to seeing Albus interact with the rest of the family, I’m super excited to see how the family reacts to this news, especially Ron! He’s not exactly the best at dealing with change, so I’m sure it’s going to be fun to see him deal with this.
You’ve done a wonderful job of drawing in the reader, I’m really looking forward to seeing this play out! I’ll definitely be back after CTF to read some more!
Thank you so much for the review.
Lydia is probably my favourite character here, though I am fond of Albus too.
I had a number of reasons for placing Albus in Ravenclaw. He really doesn't strike me as a Slytherin at all in the epilogue. He doesn't seem at all cunning - James appears to be the more cunning one and Albus the rather naive one who gets taken advantage of. No son of Harry's is likely to be concerned with pureblood and while he may have a desire to prove himself - there are some hints in that direction - he doesn't really seem pushy enough to be a Slytherin. Nor does he seem courageous or like a daredevil. That leaves Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. To be honest, he seems to fit the Hufflepuff stereotype best from the little we see of him, in my opinion, but I previously wrote a story with Harry's son in Hufflepuff. I also feel that when a character ignores two of the houses, unless it is blatantly obviously that he (or she) would not fit in them, then they SHOULD end up in one of them. Otherwise it looks like it's the writer who has forgotten there are other houses. Now, if James was wondering if he would end up in Gryffindor or Slytherin, I would still feel happy enough about placing him in one of them because readers could well guess that he wasn't considering the other two as everybody was pretty convinced he would never end up in a house focussed on academia or hardwork and kindness. But from what we see of Albus, there is no indication these traits don't fit him and it seems as if he just hasn't considered the houses because they aren't the ones James talks much about.
Thanks again for the review and I really hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
Here I am again for a Nargles review :)
This was another fun chapter to read, and the story is developing really nicely.
I thought it was a bit odd that Albus should automatically head for the Gryffindor table on his first morning at school, given that he probably wouldn't be that familiar with table layouts after only one night at Hogwarts? I'm also curious as to whether, deep down, he was expecting to be Sorted into Gryffindor. There's a bit that confused me (easily done - my caffeine levels are terribly low at the moment) where Lucy was included in the relatives that Albus saw in "red and gold" - I thought she was a Ravenclaw? It's entirely possible I've got the wrong end of the stick, I do apologise if so!
I dread to think how old Slughorn must be; wow that he's still teaching potions in the 21st Century! Given he was Tom Riddle's teacher between 1938 and 1945, he must be pretty archaic by now. It's a good job that witches/wizards last much longer than muggles.
I love love love that you're tackling the academic side of school in this next-generation fic, and not just conveniently forgetting that the kids are there to learn, not just develop social skills (and explore broom cupboards dring their later years)! Poor Nathan with the bouncing bulbs, but if anyone can sympathise and reassure him, it's Neville :)
I've really enjoyed this fic so far!
Thanks again for the reviews.
His heading to the Gryffindor table is largely due to the fact his brother and most of his cousins are there and he was expecting to join them. Checked the Lucy thing and I suspect that was related to an edit or getting interrupted as I was writing it and mixing up the cousins he learnt about Hogwarts from with the cousins who were in Gryffindor. Thanks for drawing attention to it. I've edited that now so it actually makes sense.
Yeah, keeping Slughorn was probably pushing it, although Dumbledore was still teaching in 1996 and he was apparently born in the 1880s (1881, I think because I think he was born a year before de Valera -Irish politician and revolutionary leader who had previously been a teacher and who Dumbledore sounds rather like on occasion). We don't know when Slughorn was born but if he was born in say 1910, he would still be younger in this than Dumbledore was in Half Blood Prince. My main reason for keeping him is that I didn't want to introduce too many new teachers in the first story. I want to give people a chance to get to know each of the new teachers I plan on introducing through the series, so I wanted to keep as many of the canon teachers as possible for the first book. He won't stick around for the full seven years.
I don't know how people manage to write teenage characters without discussing school issues (unless the characters are the type who genuinely don't care, skip more often than they attend and drop out as soon as they reach the relevant age in their country). In my experience, school, teachers and homework loom pretty large in the lives of most children and teenagers. Particularly in the last year or two when the coming exam pretty much rules your life, but even at 11 or 12, when you probably only have about an hour's homework after school, there are still worries like "I forgot to do my Maths homework last night; my teacher is going to kill me" or "what if I fail this test and everybody thinks I'm stupid?" or even "my best friend chose somebody else to be his/her partner on our class project. Does that mean he/she doesn't like me any more?" And it's even more true in a boarding school where, if you mess up and the teacher gets annoyed at you, you probably have to face them at dinner that evening.
Glad you enjoyed this and thanks again for the reviews.
The Nargles brought me here. I would have arrived sooner for some reviewing, but you know, RL and all that. Anyway, I don't think I've had the pleasure of reading any of your stories, so let's remedy that :)
The title of this story "The Writing on the Wall" brings to mind HP book two (CoS) for some reason?
So, the first chapter kicks off with Albus's Sorting, which is a great place to start; doesn't everyone want to know who is in which Hogwarts House, after all? I can imagine Albus is feeling quite anxious about the process (I'll assume this follows DH's epilogue) after James taunted him before boarding the train. Also family pressure to follow in footsteps and the fact he's a Potter and he probably felt like the whole world was watching him. Poor boy!
I do love recognising surnames in next-gen fic and trying to remember who from the previous generation they might be related to. Rasmus - possibly one of Bathilda's descendants? Glynis Bones most likely linked to Susan? Abric Fletcher caused some consternation as the only Fletcher I could think of was Mundungus - and now I'm aghast that Mundungus may have actually succeeded in procreating. HOW? How was that possible? A love potion, I'm guessing? Yikes! Anyway...
I like Albus being a Ravenclaw. I can see how what we know about him so far would make him a likely candidate for that house. Rose in Ravenclaw too? Partners in crime from the off :)
I enjoyed this chapter; it was well-written and structured, easy and enjoyable to follow. I look forward to reading more.
Thank you so much for the review. And of COURSE real life always comes first.
Hmm, that comment about Chamber of Secrets is pretty well noticed. If you read on, a connection will eventually become clear. *grins*
I love Next Generation sortings. You often get an indication of how the writer is going to portray various characters from which houses they place them in and sometimes you even get a hint at where the story might be going - for example a Weasley in Slytherin is likely to mean conflict. And yes, this takes place after the epilogue.
I'm quite amused at your response to a Fletcher appearing. I have some fun with him in the second year.
Thanks again for the review.
Hi, Margaret. I came back to your story.
Thank you for dropping your review on my entry the other day. I enjoyed reading your thoughtful comments.
Whoa, both Albus and Rose were sorted to Ravenclaw? How schoking... I'm afraid it's a crisis for Gryffindor house (I'm in a very Oliver-like or Ron-like mood right now :p ) I'm sure Harry and Hermione will understand though. On the contrary, Ron will say something about that. I'm eager to read how you will write about him. I wonder why the Sorting Hat hesitated to tell 'Slytherin' to Scorpius. Did he have any Gryffindor qualities? I'm curious.
I like you continue to portray Albus as a student who lacks self-confidence and hates to be seen in the spotlight. I guess it's important from the start where he may develop the relationship with his new friends or find that he has a lot of abilities. It's a very promising start.
Thank you so much for your review.
*grins* To be honest, Albus struck me mostly as a Hufflepuff in the epilogue, but I've already written a story where Harry had a son in Hufflepuff and as Albus reminds me a little of that character, I was afraid that putting him in Hufflepuff would really end in my writing the same character again. So I thought Ravenclaw seemed like the next best fit. Also Albus seems to forget there ARE other houses apart from Slytherin and Gryffindor in the epilogue and when a character ignores something like that, I think they should be surprised. Otherwise it comes across as if it's the author that has forgotten them.
I thought for a long enough time about how to portray Scorpius. He has often been portrayed as another Draco and a rival for Albus and other times as a friend and a future love interest for either Albus or Rose, so I wanted to do something a bit different. He's not quite the typical Slytherin here.
Glad you liked the first chapter of this story.
Hi, there! Congratulations on your featured story!
I liked the way you paced the sorting. Taking your time and letting the scene progress through the alphabet was really effective at building up Albus's anxiety and giving the reader time to explore all of his thoughts.
“That’s what your father said as well.” The hat sounded smug, as if it had expected his response. Good old hat. It's actually a bit of a jerk sometimes. I think that adds something to its personality, however.
And you didn't end the suspense after Albus's sorting. It's obvious that being with Rose is important to him. Two newly-minted Ravenclaws! It will be interesting to see what sorts of trouble then can get into together.
I liked the scene with the Ravenclaw door knocker. Maybe Albus is starting to discover that there are many kinds of intelligence. Not all of them come from a book.
I hope Albus will become good friends with Derek. Always great to have a Muggleborn friend to add that extra perspective.
Nice start to your story! And again, congratulations!
Thanks for the review.
I'm glad you enjoyed the sorting scene. I always enjoy both reading and writing them. They give a certain amount of insight into the various characters, both with where they are sorted and how they react to that.
I think Albus would far prefer to avoid trouble, but of course, it's not going to be that easy.
I think in my last review I forgot to mention how much I'm liking Derek and Rasmus so far (and they are both super awesome names). I especially like how Derek is a Muggle-born, because i feel like it still makes the first-year of Hogwarts new and exciting (seeing it through him, sort of) even though Albus has grown up within the world. It makes for a nice balance, at any rate :) Although Derek really is clueless at times!
Oh gosh, of course Binns is still teaching, haha! And I love Neville as a teacher, especially when he spoke to Nathan about being clumsy! That was such a wonderful thing to include :)
A lovely set-up chapter, I look forward to the next one!
I don't think Binns will ever stop teaching, although a lot of people probably wish he would. And yes, I liked the idea of Neville sort of coming full circle too and sort of giving confidence to students like Remus did for him.
I'm glad you like Derek and Rasmus. It was a bit difficult to create the sheer number of background characters that were needed and to keep some mystery going about which are going to become significant and which are just there to add some numbers or as red herrings.
There are about one or two more set-up chapters and then the mystery begins in earnest.
I couldn't go past this story, the summary sounded so cool! I liked the classic mystery feel it has to it, a bit like the Philosopher's Stone. Anyway, I was pretty much hooked from the start. I love the way it flows, the names of the other students are AWESOME, and I like your characterisation of Albus and Rose.
The fact they're both in Ravenclaw is different from what I usually read, so I'm excited to see how, if at all, this affects them. At any rate, I'll be back to find out what happens next!
That you so much for the review. I'm really glad you liked the story so far. There is at least one sequel once this entire story has been posted and a number of spin offs, like stories from the point of view of minor characters who insisted on having their say too. I have plots for stories up to my characters' 5th year, but year 3 is currently being awkward, so whether I'll get past that or not, I'm not sure.
To be honest, in the epilogue Albus seemed most like a Hufflepuff to me, but I wrote a next generation years ago, before Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows came out in which Harry had a son who was sorted into Hufflepuff and Albus seemed to have some similarities with that character, so I wanted to avoid just rewriting the same character. And I really saw no indications that Albus was particularly brave or daring or devious or Machiavellian (perhaps a little ambitious but not to the extent that he would put that before everything else), which basically left Ravenclaw. Plus, I feel that when a character only considers two houses, unless it is clearly shown that they couldn't fit any of the others, then they should be in one they haven't considered.
Hope you continue to enjoy the story and thanks again for the review.