Here for our swap, my love! :)
Obviously, I'd read this already. I should probably move on and see if there are chapters that are new for me... and I should review all the old chapters as well... A little at a time, I guess... :P
Oh, Merlin, I had forgotten how much I hated Rigel! He's just so horrible! I'm honestly scared for Adhara! Athena is right in saying that she's in danger, even if her attitude towards the war and Muggleborns and everything else is despisable. Then, again, she thinks like a Slytherin, your own safety before anything else, right?
I really enjoyed seeing Regulus in that scene. He's sort of cute (he has his flaws, of course, but I do have a soft spot for Regulus...) and I loved that mix of uncertainty and Black pride. Ahahah. Oh, and I forgot you had a Blishwick in here! Even if it's just a quick appearence, it's so nice to think that we have all influenced each other a little in our little Skype group... I miss our writing dates, btw...
And Lily's gratitude was so nice to read as well. And it's so nice to see them reconcile a little. I hope every fight in the girls' group will be solved soon. (Maybe I'll review a couple more chapters tomorrow. Not tonight, I'm literally falling asleep...)
I so, so, so loved the Marauders teasing James about Lily! His embarassment, their attitude, it was all so perfect for thirteen year old boys! I love those four, so much! They are absolutely adorable and hilarious! Also, James' stubborness about the Quidditch match is spot on, and I still love how Lily's comment about thinking out of the box was what gave him the idea for the Polyjuice potion in the first place! They don't know it yet, but James and Lily are really made for each other... :P
This was such a great chapter, and I probably didn't make it justice with this review, but I'm positive you know how much I loved it! :D
I'll be back soon, my darling!
I'm back after a long absence *hides* but I'm here now! I'm super excited to get stuck into this chapter and it didn't disappoint! I know there must be so much set up to get this project off the ground but everything so far has been so engaging! it's really important to see the reactions of their first meetings!
I wanted to give Lily a hug in this chapter seriously because she's worrying that she won't fit in and honestly it's so realistic and understandable. It seems like she had met some nice girls to build some friendships with! I'm interested to see what you do with the character Adhara as her and Lily haven't got off on the best of terms so I've got my eye on that relationship for future!
I thought the boys were very 'cool' on their first meeting, I loved how you wrote Sirius in this section. it's really interesting that his public persona is really excited to be in gryffindor but privately he is really quite worried about this. it's really interesting inner conflict that you've set up for young Sirius which obviously will follow him through the years but the groundwork is amazing.
well done on this ysh! beautifully written with lots of love (I can tell that you're very passionate about this project!)
- Abbi xo
This was a nice first chapter to your story. It gives us a small look into the five different characters who I assume will be your main characters throughout the story (or at least the ones we will see from their pov consistently). I think from the little bit we've seen so far, I most like Lily's pov. I feel like both her and Snape are absolutely spot on with their characterizations. That's not to say that I don't think the others are also very well done but for some reason Lily and Snape's relationship just seemed so very real to me and like that was something that really did happen. I loved when he said that they should give Petunia one of the candies that would glue her mouth shut. The idea of that is rather priceless.
Remus and his parents were also really well done. I know that they didn't think that Remus would get the opportunity to go to Hogwarts given that he was a werewolf so their surprise and confusion over Dumbledore being at their place was rather great. It also made me really sad when they mentioned that Remus was not a "normal" boy. It feels like it was meant as an insult towards him and almost seemed as if his parents really didn't know what to do with him which just really hit me in the feels.
It will be interesting to see how events play out for Sirius and his family as it already seems that they are interested in the pureblood movement and want him to be interested in it as well. I think the thing I'm most looking forward to seeing develop is his relationship with his brother. It seems that right now his brother looks up to him and likes him but things must not stay that way and I'm wondering when and how that change happens.
And poor Peter. I really do feel for him even though I know what his fate will be. Seriously this guy is always shown as being the sort of unlikeable marauder, the one that just doesn't fit in with the rest and it really makes me feel bad for him. And it seems as if he is just completely misunderstood by those around him. Being an only child and then homeschooled so his friends make fun of him and don't really understand him. It seems like he lives such a lonely and quiet life (even his father never really talks to him). And his mother also seems rather surprised that he got his Hogwarts letter so it makes me wonder just how much she really pays attention to him as well.
Anyways, this was a really good beginning to your story. I loved seeing the different povs and seeing how they all reacted to getting their Hogwarts letters. Great job.
Transferred from HPFF
Hallo, Ysh. I finally visited here. I've heard that your Marauder story is fabulous here and there, so I'm so excited now that I finished reading four chapters at one go. Oh, Ysh I'm torn to choose which category I vote yours in. Why didn't we think of the best marauder award in the den?
My favorite description in your story so far, is the flying practice scene. As me and my family had watched the first HP movie, I could visualize the spot very clearly with your marvelous description. I could feel how irritated Snape was and how smug James was. I could even feel Madam Hooch's footsteps and clucking her toungue at the sight of the flight of Sirius and James.
I think your description of each character is outstanding in the den so far. Only technically outstanding writing should not be praised, but also the straightfirward one should be recognized. Can you get what I mean? I'm sorry English isn't my mother toungue, so I'm afraid that I can't tell you half of my opinions.
I'd like to continue reading yours, but I have to read the other works written by fellow gryffies, you know, so I leave now. I'll be back again.
*Transferred from HPFF (mostly. Some paragraphs were removed bc they were concrit about something you've now fixed!)*
Hello! I'm back with your requested review! :)
Aw. I bet that was so difficult for Severus to see his best friend sorted as a Gryffindor. And aha! Is that a Selwyn in Gryffindor I see?
Gah, I just love seeing the girls all bond and become friends during their first evening in the castle, in a new place. It's really sweet. And I like how you've painted Lily's loneliness - despite how she shares a dorm with other people of Muggle birth (I assume, based on Mary's knowledge with Muggle money), Lily is still lonely because she misses her family. It's really strong yet subtle characterization about how much her family means to her.
And I like what you've done writing the boys as well, particularly this: “Sirius Black,” supplied Sirius, raising his chin in a nod. -- you've included his kind of aristocratic upbringing in his mannerisms, and he kind of unconsciously does that, but he's still friendly. Nicely done. I think you've included a good intro to the four of them with the snippets you've included about their personalities so far.
In terms of canon-ness, I don't see anything that expressly negates canon. Seems good to me. :) And it's definitely interesting so far as well! I like that it starts in their first year, because that's not something I often see.
I think this is a wonderful chapter and builds on what you've set up in the first one! I did notice that the first one visits a lot more POVs, and as you were wondering about whether to include more about Remus and James' perspectives - I think it's a great thing to include, though not necessarily in this chapter. Maybe in the next one. As you go on, it may be a bit difficult to fit six POVs in each chapter (it means either really long chapters, or really short scenes), so focusing on different people in each chapter (as it seems you're doing at this point) makes a lot of sense. Essentially keep on with what you're doing! :)
Great work! This is an enjoyable story so far.
*transferred from HPFF*
Hi, I'm here with your review! And thanks to your chapter title, I'm now humming Stevie Wonder before I've even started reading the chapter :p
You asked about a few things in your areas of concern which I'll address:
Dialogue. Most of it I thought was really spot-on, especially for the ages of the characters you're working with. I laughed at James being so insistent on reading his letter, and his father just dragging it out haha! I can so see that. The only area where the dialogue seemed a bit off to me was in the section where Severus is talking to Lily - mostly just here: The muggles always try to wipe us out. Incompetent fools,” he added in an undertone which Lily missed. -- If it's just Severus and Lily there, I don't know why she wouldn't have heard him say 'incompetent fools'. Unless it's really loud outside?
Canon-ness: All seems well to me! I must admit I'm not caught up on Pottermore and haven't really looked at it in months, but I did hear about James' parents names (excuse me while I LOL) so I can at least confirm that your story aligns with all I've heard about Pottermore and to what I would have expected of the Marauders at this age. The Blacks particularly - I have always cherished the idea that Sirius and Regulus were really close as children, and I can easily see Sirius' sorting as having been what made Walburga upset rather than anything before that.
Characters: so far, there's just a little snippet of each one, but certain qualities do stand out about each of them and I'm sure those are traits you're focusing on - James' determination, Peter's desire to fit in, Remus' embarrassment at being different, and Severus and Lily's interesting dynamic of him liking her and hating her background and her not really picking up on either of those things. I'm excited to see where you go with them from here on.
***Transferred from AO3***
Love you too, little betee!!! *wub*
(Consider this a little present and good luck wish for your new life in America! <3)
Ok, so... where do I even begin? To be true, that's quite obvious... Let's talk about my favourite werewolf... *wub* *wub* *wub*
I so loved the characterization of Remus in this chapter, his quietness and shyness, his happiness and incredulity (erm, is this right?) at being at Hogwarts, his desire of making friends and just being a normal child which is stronger than the fear of giving himself away, his little mischievous side... You wrote it all so brilliantly and I'm just in love! But that's nothing new, is it?
And then there are Sirius and Adhara... Poor children, it is just so hard for the both of them... The scene with Walburga was so perfect (I'm sure I already told you some other time...) Really, you capture every single character amazingly! I'm so glad Sirius stood up to her, I don't think I would've had the courage. Then, again, I'm no Gryffindor... :P
Lily and Sev were perfect, too. I feel slighlty bad for Severus, being separated from his best friend. But Lily is right in saying he shouldn't be so sulky. But that's just the person he is, right?
Ah, Peter, with his need to be noticed... I'm so happy you're giving him some space, he's too often forgotten (and also proud because I know it is partly my merit... *couch*).
I also really like to see the little snippets of the other Gryffindors. I like that you decided to expand their class, they seem a fun addition, even if they're only supporting characters.
Oh, and I loved both McGonagall and Slughorn. And Dumbledore, too. Really, your Dumbledore is stunning!
I'm sure I'm forgetting something foundamental to say... But I hope I made my main point clear. I love this chapter, the story as a whole, anything you write and you!
Good luck and the hugest snowball hug ever!
***Transferred from AO3***
I'm back!!! :D
Ah, the Marauders' first night... how cute are them as eleven-year-olds? *wub*
James really stood out for me, here! I so love his rebellious spontaneity. And I love that you're already hinting to what I call Lily's marauding side. :P I know it's too early for it, but have I ever mentioned how much I love the way you write James and Lily together?
Ah, Adhara... It must be so hard for her... I'm so glad to know that she will ease into her Gryffindor-ness soon! :D
Ah, and how cute is Marlene? I loved her curiosity about Muggle things, and the paper-money discussion, so funny! :P It's hilarious how things that are normal for Muggles can be weird for wizards, just as much as the other way around. It's something I always loved in canon, and I so love how you play with the same concept!
Poor Lily... I guess it would be normal to feel homesick in such a situation... and the knowledge that Petunia is angry at her... :(
Poor Sirius, as well... we know his family won't be thrilled... but I so loved his thoughts right before falling asleep. So much Sirius! :D
Nearly forgot Sev... poor child... it must be so hard for him to be separated from his best friend... (this reminds me I need to get back to In Between... I will... One day... Maybe...)
And, oh... I'm so curious to meet the non-Marauder Gryffindor boys. Will they appear in the next chapter?
Aww... thank you so much for the shoutout! Love you so much, my betee! You are the best!
Tons of love, hugs and kisses!
***Transferred from AO3***
Hello, little Betee!
I thought it was about time that I started to leave some reviews for you on this wonderful story of yours! :D
So, first... I so loved the introduction, with the alternance of choice and chance that led to Harry's story. Such a great way to start! (And a pleasant surprise, too, since it wasn't there when I first read this chapter!)
Reading through the receiving letters again was so lovely! And your writing is just so fluent, your sentence building and description so wonderful! I so envy your style, Ysh! I feel like my writing is so immature and flat in comparison...
And I know I already told you, but your characterization of everyone was perfect!
Sev, with his angry thoughts, and the way he tries to hide them because he wants Lily to like him. Lily, with her curiosity and fascination for the magical world and her fear of not fitting because it's all so new. James being his cheery self, his playful father and his loveful mother. Sirius, being the pride of his family and looked upon by his little brother (this is actually so sad...) Remus, so smart and quiet, and his parents' stupor at Dumbledore's offer...
And shall we talk for a moment about my little Petey? I so loved what you've done with him (and so proud that I gave you the push to explore his character more). I loved how you wrote his loneliness, his Muggle friends making fun of him, his constantly absent father. Just great!
As always, anytime I re-read something of yours I end up loving it always more. How does it happen?
Great start to a great story, my lovely Betee. I will be reviewing all the rest a little at a time.
All my love as always!
Hello angel ♥
(reviewing as I read, weee!)
Bam. Second sentence. Love the name Bathsheda Babbling! Don't know if that's her real name or something James made up, either way - it's amazing.
Ha ha trust Remus to still take notes when he's bored! Their actions during this class is just the perfect example of all their personalities!
Okay James and Sirius, that was *snorts* not *giggle* funny! That poor girl! *lol*
Ha ha I love the detail of the other Marauders having to learn the Augmenti charm early because Peter sets things on fire!
Oh no, more people dead :( this is just awful! And a 'greater good' reference - eek!
AGAIN WITH THE 'ALWAYS'! ♥
James and Marlene, sitting in a tree! K-I-S- wait... wrong ship! Jily 5ever!
Oh poor Mrs Norris! It's hard sometimes to admit (and I forget) that James and Sirius were bullies!
OMGOMGOMGOMG - the beginning of the nicknames!!! #superduperexcited
Weee! The story is unfolding so nicely, my beloved Ysh, I love love love it so much! ♥ ♥
Hello, my darling! ♥
Sorry I'm so late with this *hides*
Alright I'm going to jump straight in and say that that opening scene is not okay. Okay? Not okay. That was freaking terrifying (ever tried to write a horror? I imagine you'd be quite good at it). I had goose bumps.
Oh, some good news! Marlene's brother is okay, yay! Aw and Charlie just born, cute!!
I have to say (again) that you just do such a marvellous job at writing the build up of the war. It's how I always imagined it - all the confusion, horror and the terror. It's how it was described in the books and the way you write it is honestly spot on.
And again, I love the way you write Snape! That secret flame he holds for Lily is to die for! But always secret... That's what makes me sad. And I like the detail you added about his knowledge on the Dark Arts.
ARGH DON'T PUT THE WORD 'ALWAYS' IN THERE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!
Aw, baby Tonks! Okay, you're forgiven. But seriously, the Tonks family are my absolute faves, this scene is so amazing! (Still loving all these details you're putting in!) Ha ha, so that's where Sirius' motorbike comes from!!
Ahh, my dear. I can't start my day happy now after reading your chapter. Thank you!
♥ ♥ ♥
Why hello there, you gorgeous lady!
First, thank you for the image of the Hat drinking before the sorting, HAHAHA!
Love, love, LOVE the match! Especially the commentary!... I had to hold back from cheering at my screen *blushes* Dat was intense!
But oh my god. omgomgomgomg, ADHARA! I KNEW she was on the Gryffindor team for reals! YES! But argh, is she hurt?!
Ah, typical teenagers, only interested in the classes their friends are in ha ha
Who knew frogs could give me warm fuzzies?! That scene was perfect, though! I like how you wrote James' reaction to Lily getting him back. I don't know, I could just picture it so well!
You are writing the war incredibly well, you talented lady. All the stories in the paper, attacks, families and lives threatened. It's devastating and it's realistic. And the werewolf excerpt! That was an amazing detail to put in. It must really be an awwwful thing that people don't really understand, so I love that you included that. I think I see the beginning of an Animagi...
God poor Marlene :( (and Dorcas!) *squishes both*
Okay so I was literally reviewing as I read (in case you couldn't tell...) and yay! It IS the beginning of the Animagi! AWESOME!
These chapters are just getting better and better! Yes I say that everytime, but it's true. And I'm getting SO excited for some more Lily and James!
Speak soon, my love! ♥
Hello Yshy! ♥
So this is your favourite chapter? What a coincidence - it's mine too! I am still just so in love with this story, I can't even tell you.
Just kidding, I'ma tell you.
So there were so many specific things I loved in this chapter!
Okay so this: "Marlene, who was terrible at charms, had resorted to tackling Sirius to the ground." Ha ha! Who needs magic anyway?! Same goes for James punching Mulciber. I like what you said in your author note that he wasn't the original one to do it. How great is it when you start to write and the characters just completely take over?! That's how you know you've written them well, kudos to you :)
I love Snape's feelings seeing Lily laughing with James. That was just so sad and real and I could picture that feeling so well. It's exactly how I pictured life at Hogwarts would have been for Snape, seeing Lily slowly slip away from him :(
I'm pulling this out too: "and for that moment Snape wished that the innocence would remain with her forever." That line is just so damn beautiful.
Oh my Merlin that joke the other three pulled on Remus with the pillow was HILARIOUS! I can't even tell you how much I was cracking up! I know I say it all the time but shush because I'm saying it again: the way you write the Marauders is perfect, and I love you for it. (And for a million other reasons ♥)
OH NO! Adhara can't be serious? It - it's a trick right?! She's not really going to aid Slytherin?! Argh I hope I don't have to change my favourite character!
Amazing, awesome work as always ♥
Yay you uploaded more! So I shall transfer more! :D
Reviews are oxygen! Argh quick!
Better and better. I am officially in love with this story. Okay where do I even begin?!
I love how Lily has no idea about what is going on in the wizarding world, since of course, she lives with muggles. So I like that you can explain through the other characters the recent events without it seeming like a repetitive summary of things we already know. But I actually really enjoyed it. I'll admit I kind of forgot what was going on at the time - since everyone was tucked away at Hogwarts! I can definitely sense something dark closing in though...
Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. It's Inferi isn't it?! That's what happened to the body! How did I not see that coming?! And it was Dorcas' father! ARGH!
Oh, I forgot to mention in the last chapter (and was devastated when I realised I missed it, so I'm bringing it up here) James' Invisibility Cloak! Yay! Okay that is all.
Love Peter in this chapter. I know you struggle with him slightly but I see no evidence of it in this story. You write him perfectly. I love how oblivious he is (but James and Sirius are catching on, dun dun duuun!) and his reaction was marvellous - wanting to dump Remus as a friend in case he's dangerous, I can see the traits we know of Peter brewing just under the surface.
I love Remus' excuses too. He's trying so hard to make it work so he can enjoy Hogwarts like every other student!
YES MY GIRL ADHARA! I love her so much! She's a tough nut and is now on the Quidditch team! Heck yes girlfriend! I love that little mention of an Owen Weasley too!
"Your face looks weird". Ah James, how I love you. (I literally use this in real life more than I'd care to admit). ACK I LOVE THESE BOYS SO MUCH, just playing Exploding Snap like, "yeah whatevs Remus, tell us when you're ready". Your Marauders are just exactly how I picture them and it is so damn satisfying!!
More amazing, incredible work. So much respect for the amount of work that must go into this, but know that it is worth every minute you spend ♥
So I'm really excited to be reviewing this as it's the first thing I've been able to check out your work! I think this is an amazing start to the story as I haven't read anything old school Marauders in ages. So I'm excited to have this in my life. I really adore how the chapter is split to cover different characters emotions at the same event. It does a really good job at setting up some of the conflicts that'll be covered in the story e.g. Lily/Sev's differences in their friendship and Peter's need to fit in. It's an interesting window into the main story. I thought the characterization for all the kids was really spot on I could really feel all of their excitement in the chapter.
I can't pick which bit that I enjoyed that most but I think I really liked Peter's POV because I have quite a soft spot for Peter when he's written well like he was here. I really liked Peter's mum's reaction to be honest, it seems so realistic somehow? I don't know but I did really like that. I guess it's because Peter doesn't get enough characterization for people to like him. He was friends with the most popular people in school so he can't have been total rubbish right?
I'm really looking forward to following this one and I'm really excited for them all to meet each other. you've reminded me what I loved so much about the Marauder era with this beautiful first chapter. I can't wait to see you make all the characters really come alive. xx
The last updated chapter :O I hope you continuing uploading! I'll be here as soon as you do ;)
Hiya Ysh :D
Okay I love everything in this chapter! Let the random thought commentary commence!
You have no idea how glad I was to see Adhara first thing. I really really like her, I can't even tell you why, but I'm so glad we've got some of her backstory now. (Eek okay it's because I love that sort of family drama), I hope we get to see more of Adhara dealing with her family, especially Rigel. (And hooray for Grandma Victoria - and her name! ;) )
I agree wholeheartedly with Lily here, "relished the feeling of doing absolutely nothing." Attagirl Lily, you and me are going to get along just fine. Ooh a body was stolen from the morgue? What mysterious-ness are you brewing here, Ysh? Hmm...
Aw Andromeda's letter was so sweet! I was so happy to see her name crop up, she's one of my favourite characters. I can imagine she would get along with Sirius very well. REGULUS *squishy hugs for little Reg* I love this little boy! I really really hope he comes up in later chapters! Also, I absolutely love that you wrote Sirius was disappointed that Regulus wasn't sorted into Gryffindor. That tugged at my heartstrings a little bit *sniff*
I love how you wrote that Snape didn't want to "share Lily". I feel like that is exactly how their relationship would have been. I don't believe he's possessive, just afraid of being shoved to the sidelines. (Also, a shout out to the Blishwick, woo!)
This story is just getting better and better as you explore the characters more. And that's what I love - that it's all about the characters, and as the years go on, more are introduced but it's slow enough so that we're not overwhelmed (it doesn't take much to overwhelm me teehee). Plus we've got some plot development happening! I can't wait to see them all back at Hogwarts!
I noticed you added to this chapter title, and I love it :D
Wee here we are at chapter 4! Looks like everyone is settling into Hogwarts! So already, the relationship between James and Snape is so tense and mean :( I honestly feel so sorry for Snape, to know this goes on for most of his time in Hogwarts. Wah to bullying :(
On a similar note - Peter! I feel so sorry for him too! Although, by being the fourth boy in the year, I can kind of see how this is how he came to be their friend (since this is always so questionable) and clearly James and Sirius warm up to him eventually. Remus makes my heart MELT! *dreamy weird sigh because he's still only 11 but eh oh well* In fact, Remus isn't even all that close to them yet. I can't wait to see how you write them becoming the best of friends and (eventually) the Marauders!
How cheeky are James and Sirius?! I loved the broomstick lesson, those two are such trouble makers already!
You mentioned that a concern for this chapter is that it's quite choppy. I think I only noticed it because I was looking for it, but quite honestly, I like these little scenes. They're like little snippets of everyone's time at Hogwarts, since you've taken on so many POVs. If you just remember to visit each thread every so often, I don't see a problem with how you're going :D
Love love xx
*cough* Ah, yes, I'm back.
Okay so I can't even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed the first part, in Remus' POV. It is absolutely perfect in every single freakin' way. How u do dis?
ARE YOU SECRETLEY JK ROWLING?
I love Remus, the way he talks, his happiness after believing he was doomed to a doomed life because he was doomed.
I think I'm dooming this review. How funny does that word seem now?!
Anyway, focus. Even just James and Sirius grappling for the bathroom. It's just perfect!
Speaking of James and Sirius, their being late to their first Transfiguration is slightly familiar...
Okay, loving Sirius' mother! Oh my goodness that was an amazing scene! Of course she would want to kick up a fuss, how hilarious! But go Sirius, woo! TEAM GRYFFINDOR! (but always Puff pride, teehee...)
Aw feeling very sorry for Adhara right about now :( I wonder what's going on with her.
"First years should be seen and not heard" - Love that!
I love all the snippets into everyone's lives, it's so great and I'm so glad you chose to take on this project!
*love and cuddles*
Ahh... the magic of Hogwarts returns. I love stories that feature 11 year olds starting school for the first time!
I am still in complete awe of your characters. I feel you have them down to a tee.
SO STOP WORRYING ABOUT THEM YSH.
Every child, even the ones we don't really know, like Marlene and Mary, have their own distinct and unique personality, and I honestly cannot wait to see them grow from these sweet 11 yr olds to the characters we eventually know and love.
I especially love James and Sirius' relationship, and how they already have best friend, inside joke thing going when they don't tell Peter what they were talking about.
I love how Lily reflects on her family before she sleeps. This really is a massive change for her and I think you wrote her feelings really well.
And the mention of Fabian Prewett... *sighs contentedly* Canon makes me happy.
Love B x
YSH! I was scrolling through recents and when I saw this my heart just soared! I'm going to transfer my reviews from HPFF over :)
This is a beautiful first chapter! You've really kept close to canon, and even though we don't know the stories of when everyone got their letters, I think you captured everyone's reactions and personalities and family lives absolutely perfectly.
You've chosen a huge mission to tackle, but I know you can do it and I can't wait to read the next chapter! Everything is perfect so far!