*transferred from HPFF*
Hi, I'm here with your requested review! :)
Hm...this was definitely a very interesting read for me. Snape POVs are tricky to write, given the character's complexity, but I think you managed it quite well here. You did a fantastic job depicting his double life (...triple if you count Hogwarts) so we got a sense of both Snape the Death Eater and Snape the Trusted Servant. His feelings were painful to read about (don't take this the wrong way, it was a good thing :)) but I loved how you tied the story to the title with mentions of the burning Dark Mark at the end of each paragraph. It was a clever touch to add.
Eileen Prince is Irma Pince is a theory I actually haven't heard of, but it's pretty convincing, in my opinion. I know it doesn't belong to you but you still made brilliant use of it. Which leads on to my next point: Snape's relationship with his mum. Honestly, this is the first fic I've read where the two of them interact. It was kind of interesting how you portrayed their relationship. Snape seemed to actually care for her wellbeing and got on quite well with her. This might be canon, I don't know, but I always imagined he would have bitter feelings towards both of his parents (I mean, his upbringing was pretty lousy) His dad because he abused him, and his mum because she didn't stand up to him, and because I don't think she's really a motherly type (if what we've seen of her as a librarian proves anything) But I suppose we all have our own head canons ;)
I've talked about one theory, so...Draco is a werewolf! I've heard this one, but I don't think it's true tbh. You incorporated it quite well into the story, and I really liked how Snape tried to help and gave him the Wolfsbane potion. You really brought out all the good in him in this story :) However, I do think that it could have been mentioned a little more. Yes, you had the scene where Draco refused Snape's help (wise choice...) but after that it's sort of forgotten, and makes it seem (ONLY A BIT!) like you just wrote about it for the sake of having something else interesting to write about. Sorry if that came across as harsh? It seriously wasn't bad at all...I would have just liked to see a bit more :)
You mentioned whether it was realistic and if it fit canon. Definitely, you aren't deviating from canon, and 99% of the story sounded realistic enough. There was one point that struck me as a bit odd, which was when Irma Pince said she was Eileen. I thought it didn't sound like natural dialogue, so I think it would have worked better if you had just mentioned it in descriptions or something? But I get that it was easier to put it in speech.
Anyway, that aside, this was a great read for me! Thanks for the request :D
Thank you so much for this review and the constructive criticism - in no way was that harsh, in fact always very welcome!
I'm glad that overall you liked the story and the characterization.
As for your comment on Snape and his mum, I agree that he probably has bitter feelings due to his lousy upbringing. I still think he loves his mum, just as any son does, and he cares for her. But also he avoids her for extended times and postpones replying to her letters - so I tried to make it sound not so perfect.
Draco being a werewolf is not true, JKR had dismissed this theory on twitter - so I chose to write about this knowing that it's not canon. You are probably right that I should have gotten into more details about this to make it sound realistic and give more detail, but I don't see how that could fit to the style of this one-shot built from just short scenes.
I went back to check the dialogue line you say didn't sound natural "I'm quite sure no one will ever suspect, that Irma Pince is anagram for I am Prince." hm... you might have a point there, but I'm not sure how to change it. I mean I wanted to make it clear at this point that Madam Prince was Snape's mother, and also I wanted to give a detail as to why this is a plausible theory. Anyway thanks for pointing that out, I will give it some further thought and might still change it.