Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 25 May 2018 08:28 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Run Bobby Run

Hi, Sam, dear! :)

I had to take the chance to go on with this awesome story... :P

Ah, this is so cute, I love it! This story is just so super fluffy and such a great way to lift my spirit! The relationship between Hannah and Susan gets more and more wonderful, I love their complicity and how they are just so natural and relaxed and happy around each other. And I love that they can just talk about Hannah wanting to date Neville with such naturalness and how Susan supports and encourages her and even plots with her, it's so wonderful!

The way you describe their intimacy is so sweet and I love it. Also, the way Hannah keeps getting distracted by Susan, it's so fun and so sweet, too. And that paragraph about Hannah constantly smiling... aww, I just adore it, I love seeing them so happy!

Now I'm really curious to see how things with Neville will go. I know that Hannah and Neville are supposed to get together and Neville is a sweetheart, so I expect that it will work out just fine. But I'm still super curious, so I'll need to remember to come back soon. :D

Wonderful job, as always! Thank you for making me smile tonight!

Huge snowball hug rolling your way,


Name: Your Obliviator (Anonymous) · Date: 08 May 2018 04:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: One By One

Transferred from offsite at request of the author

Originally left on 08/14/2016

Hello dear Jo!

It is I, Your Obliviator here to grace you with my presence, and then make you forget me.

First of all, I'm crying. This story is one of very few that has made me cry buckets, so you should be commended.

This story cuts to the core. It is deeply emotional, and definitely gives an insight into the thoughts and feelings of a woman who so desperately wants a child of her own, to hug and to hold, but can't.

I like the way that you explored her emotions deeply, not rubbishing them.

As you said in your A/N, you're concerned about the POV used, but you shouldn't be worrying at all! The way you've explored Hannah is perfect, and I just want to hug you!

And that cliffy ending! I need more! Soon!

Spelling off,

Your Obliviator

P.S. Look out for me, I'll be stopping by some other places soon to Obliviate you as I am leaving gifts for a challenge but you must not know my name yet.

Name: MuggleMaybe (Signed) · Date: 06 May 2018 03:36 AM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: You Name It

Sam, I am a fool.


I don't know why I didn't come back to finish this fic forever ago. And reading this chapter, I especially don't know why because mercy, I remembered that this was a great fic but I forgot how much this fic resonates for me. Which, all things considered, is absolutely ridiculous of me haha


Anyways, HELLO! <3


Hannah is so adorable in this. I love how she's all flustered. Also, I love that she describes Neville as solid, because if I think back to their early days at Hogwarts, I'm pretty sure no one would have described him that way, but now they do. And you know I adore Neville so much, and I adore Hannah, and I adore them for adoring each other. So, good feelings all around, really. haha


ALSO, I love Neville for loving Hannah as she is, for accepting all the parts of her, even if he might be a little unused to poly. (I read that in his phrasing of "the polyamory thing")


Hannah rambling on to clarify that she's a feminist (essentially) is so perfect, thank you for that.


Most best thing: "It is different, yes. He is different and I am different around him. Just being near Neville Longbottom makes everything inside me that was once quiet begin to fractal into new, endless patterns and thoughts and feelings. Every word that comes haphazardly tumbling out of my mouth feels like a discovery, and I don’t want to miss a single one."

^^A love that is different is not better or worse. Love is not rankable. I love how you expressed her experience of this as a new, different love, without in becoming competitive.


Eeep, Sam, this is kind of a short review but I'm tired now. I'm sorry. Anyway, your writing is like happy clouds and i love it. 


xoxo Renee

Name: BellaLestrange87 (Signed) · Date: 30 Mar 2018 10:50 PM · starstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Fools Rush In

*review transferred from HPFF*


This was really cute! I love the unspoken chemistry between them, without even needing to say anything.

This line here is perfect - There is a light in her eyes that keeps me searching – it is buried deep inside, beyond twists and turns, but it is there and it is glowing for me.

I'm really impressed by how you managed to fit 22 years of history (well, 17, I guess, if they haven't seen each other since Hogwarts) into a 500-word chapter so seamlessly. It feels very natural and perfect.

I really loved this and I'll be back soon to review the next chapter!


Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2018 09:13 AM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: One By One

 Hello, lovely Sam!

I'm here reviewing for the Newsletter crew as a thank you for your nomination for featured puffs. :) (I'm here also because I love this story...)

I'll try to make it a review-as-I-read thing, let's see how it goes... :P

I am hers in body and in soul, and yet I am more my own than I have ever been. This sentence is beautiful. Is practically the definition of what love should be... I guess? And it feels me with happiness, knowing everything she's been through and the complete opposite way she's lived her relationship with Ernie. I guess I'm just happy to see her so happy! Also, dancing... dancing is the most wonderful thing, isn't it? From your opening I actually thought about something else... *cough* But yeah, I love dancing, it makes me feel alive and free! Erm... am I rambling too much?

Their exchange after the dancing was super cute! No, really, Hannah is just adorable, and I so love the way Susan playfully mocks her, and I love how they cuddle together. It's just so sweet, like the sweetest of sweet. I really love it. And once again I'm so happy to see them both so happy. :)

This is my eyes being opened as I feel the full possibilities of the world around me Hannah's perceptions are changing and it is so interesting to read. It's like she's seeing the world for the first time, which is so exciting. I'm still not sure I fully understand, but I know that this is what she needs, and I'm happy for her. Also, her thinking that Susan is cute when she flirts, and not feeling any jealousy at all, is so cute as well. :)

Aww... Neville! Yes, I bet he's super cute! And now I can't wait to see how he will get and fit into the picture... he's going to marry her, after all, right? :P This is such a great ending! I'm so excited! I'll try to come back soon for more! :D

Thank you so much again for your nomination! And wonderful job with this chapter, this story is so lovely!

Snowball hug rolling your way!


Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 10:28 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Start the Party Again

Sam!  I can't believe I've made it to the end of this wonderful story <3


This was such a brilliant final chapter.  Brilliant, but slightly evil too?  


I still feel like I'm on tenterhooks after the ending of the last chapter - I really want to know what the choice that Hannah made was, and how everyone around her has been affected by it.  Especially since you've talked about writing a follow-up to this story and are probably going to torture us with it, and I'm more than a little scared about which of (or how badly) my babies are going to be hurt.


Still, it was a really clever way to end this - the fact that you've completely avoided the pronouns means that everyone's happy because we can almost choose to believe our own ending for this - we can believe that Hannah has ended up with Neville, or Susan, or both of them, and it's so intelligent to end this story in particular like this.


I'm going to go with Hannah's gone and married Neville but she's still with Susan too, okay?  Please don't shatter my heart.


Really, the most important thing that I've taken from this chapter is how contented Hannah seems with her life - it really feels like she's happy with her decision and she's made a choice that she loves living with.  And that's really lovely to know.


I've loved reading this story - I love Hannah's character and the way that she's been shaped through her experiences, and also the new ideas that you've exposed me to with it.  Your writing is beautiful and wonderful, and thank you so much for writing this story and sharing it with all of us <3


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 10:15 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: I Just Don't Know If I Can

For the first time in any of the chapters in this story, the conversation opening this chapter between Susan and Hannah felt really awkward.  You could practically see that there was something unsaid hanging in the room between them that Hannah was afraid to voice - and I think that Susan was afraid to hear.


Okay, so.  I'm really happy that Neville has asked Hannah to marry him, because that's what he wants - and I think that's what Hannah wants too, really, because if she didn't then she'd be going to Susan to talk about it and try and work out what to do about it.


And I'm really glad that while Neville wants to be monogamous, he isn't asking Hannah to do that, because he understands who she is and what's important to her.  I do wonder if Hannah is doing something that she's rebelled against so often in this story here, though - conforming to the standard expectations of marriage.  I worry that she's going to agree to monogamy with Neville and then regret it, or agree for the wrong reasons, and end up unhappy.


Susan here - Susan <3 She was so calm and collected, but at the same time, regardless of Hannah's frustration, you could see her trying not to crumble at the prospect of losing Hannah, whom she loves so deeply.  We've seen what the effects of losing someone like that can be for Susan, and it's heartbreaking to think it might happen again.  And this after Hannah's begged Susan not to leave her, and Susan's said that she's not going anywhere - I'm worried about the decision that Hannah's going to make...


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 10:05 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: It's Gotta Be You

Ooh, I definitely wasn't expecting this chapter!


I don't know why, but after his "attempt" at polyamory (read: cheating on Hannah.  Still bitter about that, if you hadn't guessed), I didn't really think that it would be something that Neville would try and explore again.  But again, like in other chapters, I think this shows the way that their relationship is developing and they're growing as people, and I think it's fair for him to try dating other people, if he wants to.


Hannah was so adorable here - and you captured her emotions brilliantly.  Her joy and happiness for Neville when he talked about having met someone who was pretty amazing was so, so lovely - it's so in character for her - and then we see the fear creeping back in that Neville has found someone he likes better than her, who's going to replace her, and the old wound starts opening up again.  It's so sad that Hannah has been so badly hurt in the past and that it's still affecting her, but I think that's very believable; and at least this time Neville was dating people with her consent.


And then the ending!  Hannah had me worried about what Neville was going to say about the person that he'd met, but it was her all along and it was so, so sweet to read and lovely to see them so happy together here <3




Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 09:58 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Summer Symphony

This was such an intense and passionate chapter - it felt a little different to the other chapters that I've read in this story so far, and I found that really interesting.  Again, we see the way that being with someone different brings out a very different side to Hannah - and I'm sure that she shares moments of passion and intensity like this with both Susan and Neville, but we haven't seen that, and this was really fun to read.


I liked seeing Hannah meeting with another person and that she's still being very open to different opportunities at the moment.  I'd actually really enjoy reading more about Nat at some point - that moment when Hannah accidentally triggers something for her has me really intrigued about what it is in her past that's caused that.


Seeing the fire and passion in Hannah here was really enjoyable to read, but you managed to maintain the lovely writing style that characterises every other chapter in this story - and mozzarella sticks sound like a perfect way to end this chapter!  (Also now I'm hungry - it's like you're TRYING to distract me!)


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 09:51 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Maybe I Know

"We are a daisy chain of ice cream cones and lovers."  Sam, this is such a stunning and adorable opening line, and I'm amazed by it.  Honestly, I want to know how to write like this.


I know that there aren't any really obvious markers of time in this story - no definitive statements about how long has passed since the previous chapter - but I'm finding that I don't feel like I need them in this story anyway.  Your writing is so talented and masterful that you show us how much time has passed with the way that the characters' relationships and personalities have changed and grown, and it's brilliant.


I'm glad that Hannah and Neville seem to have been able to move on from the last chapter and are in a much better place now.  I think maybe even what Neville did might have made him more accepting and understanding of Hannah's polyamory and how important Susan is to her.


After the intensity and pain in the last chapter, I really enjoyed the lighter feel of this chapter, and the way that the three of them get on so well.  I can definitely imagine that the three of them walking the way they are would ellicit stares from passers-by, and I loved their different attitudes to that.  Neville seems unconcerned, Susan is used to it, and Hannah is getting fired up by it.


Her passion is so amazing and really endearing - and I really like the way that Neville admires that about her, too.  He's slowly getting back into my good books...


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 09:42 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Judy's Turn To Cry

So... I don't really know how I feel about Neville at the moment?  I'm hoping that you're wanting us to feel this way, because I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings in this chapter.  I haven't forgiven Neville yet - not properly - but I also get the impression that, even though Hannah has relented a little and allowed Neville to explain here, and wanted him to stay, she hasn't fully forgiven him either, and I'm glad about that.


What Neville did was a really awful thing - and I'm glad that he knows that, and that it's so obvious in his every word and action in this chapter.  He should be ashamed of what he's done, because he's hurt Hannah in the most horrible way, and he had so many opportunities to explore the concept of polyamory openly and with her acceptance that he really has no excuse for doing it behind her back.


I mean, he knows that, and I'm glad that he didn't try and explain it away or ask for forgiveness.  Just the fact that he's here and wants to talk to her shows how much this relationship means to him.


The imagery about the knife in Hannah's chest is beautiful.


This chapter hurt my heart.  I'm glad that they're still together, and I want them to succeed and be happy, but I think that there's a lot of trust issues to work through here to move forward.


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 09:31 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Just Let Me Cry

Ugh, I feel so badly for Hannah all the way through this chapter.  And I kind of want to throw something at both Neville and Ernie.  Actually, Ernie deserves more of a punishment because he's had such an effect on her that even ages afterwards, she's suffering for his infidelity.  Can we lock him into the Chamber of Secrets for a while or something?


Hannah's heartbreak in this chapter is just so tangible - even in the moments when she's trying to hold a conversation with Susan that's vaguely normal, the pain is still there at the edges of her words and I feel so sorry for her.  She doesn't deserve this.


Hannah's right - Neville's betrayal hurts even more than Ernie's because she was so honest with him about the idea of polyamory, offered him - even encouraged - opportunities for him to explore it too, and he promised her that he wanted to be monogamous and that he only wanted her.


I think that the differences in the reactions to Ernie and Neville show a lot about the depths of Hannah's feelings for each other them, too - the silence and quiet here, the way that she's just trying to hold herself together and stop the pain from shattering her entirely, shows that she cares so much more deeply for Neville than she ever really did for Ernie.


I was so glad that Susan was there to comfort Hannah, and that when Hannah told her what she needed in this moment, she went along with it.  I think that's just the sort of person Susan is, and Hannah needs her right now, but she's right - sometimes you need quiet and space to wallow and hurt, and this is one of those days.


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 09:18 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: It's My Party

The opening lyrics to this chapter are... worrying.


"Susan leans in to kiss me farewell, a kiss that is at once a ‘hello’ a ‘goodbye’ and an ‘I love you.’"  This line is also worrying.  I'm not even sure why because I think it's a positive thing, since Hannah comes across so happily here, and has been enjoying the night so much.  I think it's the "goodbye" which worries me.  


The opening actually sounds pretty light and happy but it fills me with a real sense of foreboding.


Ah, it's so sweet that Hannah is so happy to have both Susan and Luna there at her birthday and that she likes seeing them together because of how happy and good they look together.


But, but... 




I felt so heartbroken for Hannah at the end of this chapter - her whole world is crashing down around her again and it's so, so sad because she believed so strongly that this time was different, that Neville was different, and everything that Ernie did - all the scars that he marked her with - are brought back into her mind when she learns that Neville has done the same.  It's just so heartbreaking and she doesn't deserve it at all.  




Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 09:03 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: I'll Be Standing By

Sometimes I wonder who on earth invented Exploding Snap and which of the Ministry officials in the department that regulates products like that thought it would be a good idea to make it legal, let alone accessible to children.


I really love all of the warmth and fuzziness that I feel whenever I read one of your chapters with Susan and Hannah.  I mean, I feel it the same with the Neville chapters, but I just love the effortless way that you seem to write these two.


I think it's fascinating to read the way that Hannah's relationships are progressing at different rates - like I said earlier, both Susan and Neville offer Hannah something different and bring something else out of her.  It makes a lot of sense that their relationships would be in different places because the people are very different, and I'm glad that Hannah's brave enough to tackle that.  After all, that honesty is the foundation of this relationship.


I loved the way that Susan compared her life plan to a map, and that she was happier going off the beaten path - it was a lovely analogy, and I think it really helped to reassure Hannah that it wasn't a bad thing that her and Neville were considering moving in together when her and Susan haven't.  


It's interesting to see the way that Hannah still seems to have those moments of doubt and insecurities, and Susan comes across much calmer and collected - but I wonder what would happen if things between them ended.  (Just so you know, I'm taking Susan's statement at the end here as confirmation that they're staying together.  Ahem.)


Sian :)

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 08:55 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Don't Call Me, I'll Call You

Hey, Sam! Here with a snowball (hug) for you in the reviewers' blizzard! :)

Aww... isn't Hannah the cutest? I'm so glad that she can feel whole and loved again, thanks to Susan. And I love the way you word it... who I was melted away and I felt the possibilities of who I could be swim before me in her lips. This is an incredibly beautiful sentence!

I can totally understand Hannah's insecurities, especially after being so hurt by Ernie's betrayal. This is all so new for her (and for me, too... I think I mentioned in some old review that I'm not very familiar with the polyamory concept, but I'm here to learn :P) and I can understand that she would be sort of wary about Susan kissing someone else. But as always Susan is so direct and earnest and you can just tell how much she cares for Hannah and I love how they are growing so close. That other kiss was just incredible. They are just so precious.

Okay, need to go. I want to hit everyone on the list, possibly before midnight... :P

Love you,


Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 08:50 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Look of Love

Never before did I think that anybody could make a Welsh Herbologists Convention seem romantic, but somehow you've achieved it here?


Hannah's feelings for Neville are just so evident in this chapter - every time that she thinks of him, it's like her words caress his name and the thoughts are so precious and happy, which is just adorable.  She was so cute at the beginning of this chapter while she was trying to help find the different plants.  Though I have to agree with Neville - those two things sound nothing alike :P


I think you've got a wonderful balance in this story of lightness and happiness, lots of intense emotion, and more serious conversations like this one.  Even though they've discussed Hannah being polyamorous before, I think it's definitely going to prove a challenge to their relationship and it's something they have to be open about and discuss to be able to work through it.


Neville telling Hannah about how he loves her was so cute to read <3 but while Hannah is so eager and excited about the idea of being able to introduce Neville to something that's made such a difference to her life and that's been so freeing for her, I think it makes sense that he wouldn't necessarily want to explore polyamory.  I'm glad that he's honest about that, and that we see how much they care about the other at the end of this, too.


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 08:35 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Lilacs and Violets

This story is taking me on such a rollercoaster of emotions, and I love it so much.  I should probably be mad at you for not letting Hannah and Susan and Neville be happy for too long, but I really can't.  It's just such a good story and even more believable because of the dips in happiness.


(Side note: how are you so good at choosing the perfect lyrics to match with the theme of each chapter?)


Peppermint cocoa!  Ah, Hannah was so adorable at the start of this chapter when she was just bubbling over with happiness because of how well her relationship with Neville was going, and it was so sweet that she wanted to share that with Susan.


And yet - poor Susan!  The mood dropped immediately when Hannah realised that Susan was unhappy here, and I think that says a lot about their relationship and how attuned they are to each other.  Hannah really cares about Susan and she wants to do anything she can to make it better.


The imagery in this was just stunning - the pain leaking out from Susan and into everything around her, and the way that she's staring with an unseen enemy.  It was so vivid and tangible, and communicated her pain and heartbreak so well.


And maybe this doesn't need saying, but I think that this scene shows that polyamorous relationships are really deep and meaningful - just as deep and meaningful as monogamous relationships - and they hurt like hell when they end.  I feel like that's probably a really common misconception of polyamory and even though I'm sad that Susan's heartbroken (and Hannah is too, by proxy), I think it's good to include that and show that these relationships can still end, and there's all sorts of challenges to be faced.


I was so glad that Hannah was there to help comfort her, though, and look after her.  Hopefully the news of Hannah and Neville won't hurt Susan too much in the future...


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 08:22 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: You Name It

Sam you're such an amazing writer and I'm having so many feelings reading this story <3


Hannah and Neville are so, so cute together.  I really enjoy reading the way that Hannah is around Neville, too - she's really different with him than she is with Susan, and I think that says a lot about them both.  Different people bring out different aspects of Hannah's personality - though she never loses her essence in this story - and I think that shows why she's so happy to have the chance to be with them both at once.


I love the way that you're characterising Neville in this story.  Hannah seems to understand him really well already, even though they haven't been in touch much since they left school, and he contrasts her really well.  I was also so pleased that the concept of polyamory didn't faze him at all, and he wants to be with Hannah and he's willing to accept her terms.  


Ooh, I've read polyamorous Luna before and I can definitely see her embracing polyamory - but I liked the way that you made that conversation so simple because Neville is friends with her, and then there's that link with Susan and Luna too.  I mean, I'm sure there'll be challenges to come for Neville and Hannah but it's great that he's so open-minded from the start.  So unlike Ernie.


Hannah clarifying that Neville doesn't own her and she's still an independent woman is just adorable.


So is the kiss!  They're so cute, and it's really sweet to read these two getting closer as well!


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 08:11 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Sometimes I Wish I Were A Boy

Well, Hannah is REALLY determined.  I know that Neville and Hannah are canon, but I don't think that Neville really had any other choice but to go out with Hannah after she's put in so much work and time just to meet him again and get him to agree to go on a date.  You really have to admire her for that.


I also loved the fact that she's been bringing a different friend every Friday night, and she's starting to worry that she's going to run out of friends to bring for a drink.  She REALLY likes Neville.


"you've stayed in touch with Bones?" - I think this is a bit of an understatement, really, Sally-Anne.


I also suspect that Susan Bones doesn't really go around getting many boys at all :P


I loved seeing Hannah's strength and feminism (YAY!) here in this chapter - even though Sally-Anne tries to tell her that she needs to be ladylike and basically attract Neville's attention so that he asks her out, she's not prepared to rely on him to do all the work and takes matters into her own hands.  I liked the way that you tied that into the lyrics at the start of this chapter.


The ending was so adorable - it was amazing to see Hannah being so brave and marching over to Neville to ask him out, but stumbling over her words and asking him to date her - or dance.  She's just so cute and if he dares to say no then Neville can go and join Ernie in the room of stupid men.


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 07:59 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Run Bobby Run

The opening line of this chapter was a question that I understand very well :P


I feel like I've said this in all of my reviews on their chapters so far, but Hannah and Susan are just so natural together, and you write them so beautifully.  I know that they're totally in love, but there's much more to it than that - there's a really deep friendship here, and two people who actually care for each other, and when that's contrasted with the way that Hannah and Ernie interacted earlier in the story, it's a really marked difference.


Susan is so supportive here (apart from the bits where she's being distracting haha) and it's just such a joy to read this conversation between them.  Even though Hannah has grown in confidence so much since the start of this story, it was adorable to see her panicking over seeing Neville and trying to get him to date her.


Also, I really have to admire her determination in this chapter - given that she's not even seen him again yet (as far as I can make out), I love the fact that she's going out to get what she wants.


“And you’ll bring a friend,” Susan goes on. “You know, the kind you’re not sleeping with.”

This line is pure brilliance.


Haha, I think that the girls are probably both underestimating Neville at the end of this chapter, but I'm so excited about seeing Hannah explore polyamory more and meeting Neville properly again!


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 07:47 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: One By One

Your description is just so beautiful.  I honestly don't know how you manage to evoke such vivid and wonderful images in so few words (can you please teach me, because I think I have a tendency to be rather verbose? :P).  But that first line was - again - so serene, and it captured the way that Hannah and Susan's relationship has progressed beautiful.


The two of them just seem so happy together in this chapter, and there was something really calm and peaceful reading this.  Hannah's made  a lot of progress with her doubts and insecurities, and I know that a lot of that is due to being with Susan and the way that Susan makes her feel and opens up her eyes to different possibilities, but I think it's really wonderful to see Hannah growing herself, too.  They're just so natural and loving together, and it's completely adorable to read.


The simple fact that Hannah sees Susan flirting with the bartender and doesn't mind a bit really speaks volumes about how far she's come - and the fact that you capture that in so few words is really impressive.


And Neville!  I definitely wasn't expecting him to come into this story so early on, if at all, and I'm excited to see him in the rest of the story.  I also greatly appreciate that Hannah was as shocked by Neville's apparent transformation as many film viewers were :P


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 07:39 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: Don't Call Me, I'll Call You

Ah this was such a brilliant chapter! <3


You grabbed me straight away with that first line - I was so happy to see that Susan and Hannah had progressed and started developing a relationship together.  Just that line held so much - there was a real sense of happiness and freedom in the opening of this chapter, which was so lovely and refreshing to read after the heartbreak and irritation from the last chapter.


I loved this line: "In that single moment, who I was melted away and I felt the possibilities of who I could be swim before me in her lips."  I think it carried on that idea of freedom and the new start that Hannah was making, and it just sang with how happy she is here.


But I think the way that you then went on to tackle a very different type of kiss in this chapter was brilliant.  I think a lot of people who aren't polyamorous or aren't really familiar with the concept of polyamory would have all sorts of questions about it, and I think with Hannah beginning to explore polyamory and start this relationship with Susan, it makes a lot of sense that those questions and feelings would come up and could cause problems for the two of them here.


Susan is just so brilliant.  I really loved how patient she was in this chapter as Hannah's insecurities came out - insecurities which are going to be intensified because of how her relationship with Ernie ended - and the fact that they can be so open and honest with each other makes me smile so much.


But I think this chapter really shows a turning point for Hannah - she's still feeling her way into this relationship and the idea of polyamory, but we see here that she's trying to let go of those doubts and it's such an important moment.  Plus, her and Susan are so adorable and cute together, and this is just a joy to read!


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 07:22 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: I Won't Love You Anymore (Sorry)

I think that even if I were allowed to type half of the names I want to call Ernie in this review, I would start running out of appropriate things to call him because he's just so URGHHH.


(Yes that's a word now.)


Even though I'm looking forward to seeing how things develop between Hannah and Susan in this story, I'm glad that you chose to focus more on Hannah's feelings about the end of her relationship with Ernie in this chapter - it felt very believable.  I mean, after spending seven years of your life with one person, it's very hard to give up on that.


I thought you captured Hannah's uncertainty wonderfully at the beginning of this chapter.  All of the questions that she was asking herself really helped to pull me in (not that your writing doesn't do that already) and give me a good idea of her frame of mind.  It's almost like she's trying to convince herself to give it another go, and not to give up on everything that they've had together, but she's definitely torn and she's not sure about Ernie.  I think she's definitely hoping for better than she receives.


"Maybe I'll punch him in the face."  I love this.  Hannah has a real spark in her here and I just love her character more and more each chapter I read.  But it would have been very satisfying to see Ernie punched in the face.  You know, if you ever feel like writing a spin-off to this story :P


"Maybe he'll also let me be with Susan" - I kind of cringed when I was reading this line, because it was just so frustrating to see Hannah devalue herself like this.  I can understand it in a way, because obviously polyamory has to be something that's agreed by different parties of a relationship, but at the same time it felt a lot like it showed what Hannah's relationship with Ernie had been like in the past - and I definitely felt like Hannah deserved better.


But I'm probably being too harsh, because there's so many conflicting feelings in this chapter and I do feel like Hannah is just starting to learn about herself and her options in life.


I really respect Susan for telling Hannah that she can't make the decision for her, even though she might have hopes of her own for what Hannah will do.


Ernie is just... I don't have words, but I think the end of this chapter showed that Hannah was really seeing him with new eyes.  It was almost like a film had been lifted from her eyes and she could see him clearly, and I was so, so happy that she made the choice to leave Ernie because she deserves better.


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 07:02 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: I'm Coolin', No Foolin'

The opening line of this chapter sums up my feelings about Ernie so accurately, honestly.  Hannah has it exactly right there.


(Also, I think I caught a typo?  I think you mean "Spells Weekly" instead of Spella.)


I loved the fact that we got to see a really different side to Hannah's character in this chapter, with the way that she's so furious about Ernie cheating on her.  That anger is so understandable and it adds another layer to a personality that has so far been pretty calm, sweet and likeable.  I actually think this made her more likeable, because it's exactly the reaction I'd have.


You captured her confused feelings brilliantly, too - I really liked the way that she struggled to put it into words and so much of it was questions, too, because it felt like she was trying to process how she felt.  I mean, after such a long relationship it's only natural she'd still feel that she cares for him.  I was really glad that Susan was there to correct Hannah when she suggested that he was polyamorous, too - I think she was really clutching at straws at that point.  It was nice to see Susan so sharp in that moment, when she's mostly agreeing with Hannah through this chapter.


Susan's character is so interesting.  There's something so serene about her - she seems really happy with the way that she's chosen to live and with her decisions, and there's something admirable and attractive about that.  She seems to know exactly what Hannah needs in this moment, agreeing with her rant about Ernie, but doesn't let her go too far.  And the ending of this chapter was really sweet - at least there's a possible future for Hannah and Susan to explore, now!


Sian :)

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 06:54 PM · [Report This]
Story:When I Go Out With You Chapter: You Didn't Look 'Round

Sam Sam Sam HELLOOOO!!!


So. When I was reading the last chapter between Ernie and Hannah, they were really cute together, but I have to admit that I had a Feeling about Ernie. Specifically, a Bad Feeling. And it turns out that I was right with that – somehow I have continued to like Ernie as little in this story as I have in almost every other fan fiction that I’ve read with him :P


Anyway, you did a great job of continuing the sweet, fluffy relationship that you captured in the second chapter of this story, and then of course shattering that completely by the end of this chapter.  Because why would you be nice to our sweet darling Hannah?


Mean Sam.  (Just saying.)


Even though they were sweet and fluffy at the start of the chapter, I did get the impression that this relationship is pretty shallow - maybe just that they've been together for so long that it's more of a habit than anything else.  People change a lot over the years and it feels like they've not really caught up with that?


Anyway.  Ernie.  What an unmentionable word.  I was annoyed at him as soon as he dismissed Hannah's mention of polyamory, but then even more so at the end of the chapter.  Because what sort of person dismisses the concept of polyamory - which is honest and open - as if their partner knows nothing at all, and then goes on cheats on her behind her back?




You captured Hannah's feelings so well in this chapter, the way that her whole world was shattering around her and Ernie hadn't even realised it.  I just want to give her a hug - but I hope at least that she'll lose Ernie from her life now and be able to move on to better things for that.


Sian :)

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