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Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 13 Jun 2017 11:05 PM · Chapter: Darkness

I know the story this is a prequel to is set in the Next Generation with a founders presence, so I’m curious to see how Regulus comes into play!


In the beginning I wasn’t certain exactly when it was set - if it was when Regulus was dead or when he was drinking the potion protecting the locket. I think that kind of worked, because both of those are disorienting tates, and knowing the difference between them could well be disorienting for Regulus.


Holy prepositions, Batman! “scribbled on a scrap of parchment hidden in a fake locket at the bottom of a bowl containing only pain sequestered in a cave carved of death.” I kind of like the rhythm of it all, but it is a bit much.


I like that the paragraph about the Inferi pulling Regulus into the water can be read as both literal and figurative.


I like the different thoughts and emotions we see as Regulus drowns. He seems very calm, and definitely accepts his face, which makes sense. But I think I am a little surprised that he is thinking so clearly after having drank all of that potion. That aside, I like his little pride at having a hand up on Voldemort and hoping that destroying the locket hurts him. He is so confident that Kreacher will be able to destroy in, it makes me kind of sad that it takes him so long to have his act pay off.


I really like the line “The distance between you and your body yawns into a chasm.” And “endless boredom was preferable to endless pain.”


Wow, that ending was really powerful. I knew he would somehow return to life because prequel, but the way you wrote it was really great.


Awesome piece! I’m really curious about the sequel now.


Sam.



Author's Response:

I'm glad to see you return to this story! You reviewed this over on HPFF a long while ago :)

 

I wanted time to be ephemeral here, so I'm happy that you didn't know when it was set at the start.

 

Haha, that is my favourite sentence! We often think in run on sentences like that, and it's discombobulating nature fit in well with the feeling for which I was aiming.

 

I put his thinking clearly down more as a reflection that he's been "falling" for a long time. Time has lost all meaning. He's not even sure whether or not he's dead at this point. I myself lean towards him being in a more metaphysical state by this point, and thus his clearer thoughts.

 

IS HE REALLY ALIVE THOUGH? That is the question!

 

Thanks for reviewing (again), Sam :)



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