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Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 13 Jun 2017 11:05 PM · Chapter: Darkness

I know the story this is a prequel to is set in the Next Generation with a founders presence, so I’m curious to see how Regulus comes into play!


In the beginning I wasn’t certain exactly when it was set - if it was when Regulus was dead or when he was drinking the potion protecting the locket. I think that kind of worked, because both of those are disorienting tates, and knowing the difference between them could well be disorienting for Regulus.


Holy prepositions, Batman! “scribbled on a scrap of parchment hidden in a fake locket at the bottom of a bowl containing only pain sequestered in a cave carved of death.” I kind of like the rhythm of it all, but it is a bit much.


I like that the paragraph about the Inferi pulling Regulus into the water can be read as both literal and figurative.


I like the different thoughts and emotions we see as Regulus drowns. He seems very calm, and definitely accepts his face, which makes sense. But I think I am a little surprised that he is thinking so clearly after having drank all of that potion. That aside, I like his little pride at having a hand up on Voldemort and hoping that destroying the locket hurts him. He is so confident that Kreacher will be able to destroy in, it makes me kind of sad that it takes him so long to have his act pay off.


I really like the line “The distance between you and your body yawns into a chasm.” And “endless boredom was preferable to endless pain.”


Wow, that ending was really powerful. I knew he would somehow return to life because prequel, but the way you wrote it was really great.


Awesome piece! I’m really curious about the sequel now.


Sam.



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