Hi :) I love your phoenix metaphor for describing a relationship. Indeed you have fights and ugly moment, then you reborn, and when you do the relationship is still fragile, but it gets strong and beautiful again.
I think you did great with the present tense here, it's funny that I did not even realize the story was in present tense until I read the end notes... it was all so natural, it did not feel any different, which is good I think.
I like that you whole story goes around the phoenix methaphor, that it come up again and again, for me that was the strongest message. But I also liked how the whole piece was written. The opening worked well too, we immediately get the feeling that there is a fight. I can totally symphatise with both of them (and I think not just me, but any reader), these fights over nothing are really so typical. And you give a realistic description of it.
Like I said I think it's great that you repeatedly make reference to the phoenix thing (e.g. that she asks will the baby phoenix reborn?) and it doesn't seem forced, since it is related to something Scorpius had said earlier, so it's just natural for her to think these things. And one more thing while I think you methaphor is perfect is because phoenixes have a natural cycle of death and re-birth, and they have a long beautiful period in between. That's how it should be in well-working relationships. If you fight every day, the relationship isn't like a phoenix, for that you'll need the beauty in between.
So all in all I think this worked really well, and I like that you made a romance both beautiful and realistic.
It's a really lovely one shot! I can relate to Lily, as probably many people can, getting worries and thoughts completely out of proportion to the matter on hand. It's also a very relatable story theme - all in all, it is perfect for a one-shot because it builds on something almost anyone can understand well. It leaves the reader with this happy, satisfied feeling!
The only inconsistency I found is that Lily scourgifies herself after stepping out of the Floo even though she doesn't have a wand - I guess she would still be covered in soot!
Hey! Here for your challenge review! Thank you for participating!
This was an interesting fic, particularly because it's a Lily/Scorpius pairing? I am more used to Rose/Scorpius haha. Leaving that, I think you wrote this very well. The problems that any couple faces, be it muggle or magical, were shown in a realistic manner. Sometimes us girls tend to overthink and overreact and start petty arguments and regret them later, and this captured that well. Her thoughts going to silly exaggerated things also made sense. I like how you kept the metaphor of the phoenix and the relationship going throughout, from beginning to the end. The connection of Lily's thoughts to that aspect going from her broken wand was also a nice touch. My only critique is perhaps this could have been fleshed out better - more descriptions to really give it the surreality the fic needs. Besides that, it was good and I liked reading it!
It's good, you mentioned Rose/Scorpius, because I originally planned for this fic to be a Scorose. I actually made it through half the story before deciding Scorlily (is that their name?) would work better. I hadn't actually mentioned Lily's name yet so...why not. I'm glad you thought it was realistic, though, because I have zero experience in relationships and things couples might fight over so I wasn't so sure how well I did in that department.
Description...I swear it's like my worst enemy when it comes to writing. I can't give detailed descriptions, I can only give an overload of dialogue. That's something I need to work on :P
But anyway, I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for setting the challenge, it was fun to write for :)