Login

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 09 Jun 2017 12:29 AM · Chapter: You Smile...

*Transferred from HPFF*

 

Tag!

For your first time writing second person, you did an amazing job! I really like second person because of the different styles that it promotes, and this was so simple and so beautiful. It's like little snapshots of a blossoming love as Astoria heals Draco who is broken from the war, as he can return to being happy again because of her.

The end is lovely too, how it's just normal-person things that are their main concerns in life now, like bills, and a baby, aww. In a really subtle way you've showed how Astoria has brought Draco from this unfeeling, stagnant victim with PTSD to a normal, joyful person. And everything you mention is joyful, but still gives the idea of less joyful things in the past, the subtlety is really good here. Well done incorporating the colour red, too.

The flow of this, much like in Every Song Must End, was like poetry. So simple and so beautiful, each line its own thought and imagery. Also, congratulations on using no dialogue or apostrophes and only 501 words. It's cool to set a challenge like that for yourself (in addition to the three other challenges this was written for) so wow, nicely done! This was a lovely read.



Submit a Review