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Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 12 May 2017 07:15 AM · Chapter: Chapter 1

Hello again Brax! 

 

Back for another review! 

 

I'm feeling so conflicted. The beginning of this story is so cute and fluffy and the end of it is so dark and creepy. 

 

I love your descriptions of the little girl rubbing her face against each of the Puffs trying to find the softest, fuzziest one. That seems exactly like something a little girl would do. I'm pretty sure I remember choosing my own stuffed animals in almost the exact same manner.

 

I was legitimately puzzled over who the evil spirit was. I was thinking maybe Bellatrix after the war or Tom Riddle before the second war. But it just didn't quite sound like either of them. Even the name Barbie didn't give it away, although I feel like I should've been able to guess.

 

The ending was super creepy. I loved how he was plotting to take possession of the little girl and how he was possibly willing to spare her soul. How kind of him. Once I realized who it was, a whole bunch of things sort of snapped into place for me. 

 

I hope there's more of this story coming because I'd really love to find out if he's successful and how his life as a young girl goes. 

 

~Kaitlin



Author's Response:

Hey Kaitlin!

Thank you so much for stopping by to review this one! This was written for one of Branwen's challenges and the brief was "sealed evil in a teddy bear". For some reason, that inspired a "Bary Crouch Jnr escapes his dementor and is about to take over a child's body" short story. It does need a good edit and comb-through to make it easier to follow, but I'm glad it sort of kept you guessing until the end :) I have no plans to write a second chapter - well, not at present anyway. I might change my mind later on if I'm hit by an idea, though.

Thanks once again for your lovely review <3

Brax X



Name: sunshinedaisieswindmills (Signed) · Date: 09 Apr 2017 12:46 PM · Chapter: Chapter 1

Hi there! I’m here to bust Chiara out of jail :)

That was amazing??? I was not expecting ANY OF THAT HOLY COW. I didn’t really look at the story shell before reading, so when we started with Wilhelmina I was getting ready for some nice fluffy fluff about a sweet little girl and her stuffed pygmy puff AND THEN IT WAS BARTY AND MY MIND WAS BLOWN. (I really loved the mother’s line about not supporting a market for pygmy puffs, by the way, it definitely made me laugh.) This was really such a creative premise for a story, I’m now tempted to scan over your AP to see what other hidden gems you’ve got. After CTF though. :)

Okay so more specific commentary: You did a really great job of drawing the reader in. I was absolutely enamored with little Wilhelmina, she felt so real and was so charming; I’d actually be super interested in reading more about her. I really liked the way you introduced the reader to her family dynamic as well. It was very subtle and very natural. The mother’s impatient tone really painted a picture of what Wilhelmina’s home life is like. You can tell she has two very loving, but strict and tired parents.

AND THEN THERE WAS BARTY. I was so not expecting it to be Barty. Even when you switched to his perspective. At first I thought it was an adorable pygmy puff spirit, and then it started talking about killing things so I guessed it was like, a demon of some kind or another, and I suppose that wasn’t entirely wrong. I absolutely loved the way you spun that plot twist, you really had me guessing right until the end.

 

This was such a fun read, I’ll definitely be back to read more of your stuff! :)



Author's Response:

Hi!

Thank you for your lovely review, and I'm so sorry I didn't respond until now! You've said the kindest things, given that this is a one-shot that was thrown together in a rush and needs a very good edit to make it actually readable :) Feel free to stop by again and check out my other stories. I'm not sure about hidden gems, mind!

Brax X



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 09 Apr 2017 10:39 AM · Chapter: Chapter 1

Hello! Here reviewing for CTF!

No... wait... it was a Horcrux? Barty Jr's Horcrux? What? How?

This started out so cutely, I was wondering what was going on, since the title and summary suggested something dark... I surely didn't expect this!

Wilhelmina is such a cute child and the scene at the shop was so real. I can imagine her going through miriads of stuffed pygmy puffs, unable to choose one, and her mother growing impatient. It was a really nice dayly moment. :)

I also loved the scene at home, where she proudly shows her new friend to her father. That was another very believable scene, it was slightly sad that he was giving her so little attention, but I guess that's normal too...

Only, the toy isn't what it looks like... this is so scary! Creepy! Poor Wilhelmina, so little and oblivious... that's so sad...

I'm really impressed by the switch of mood, and I think you wrote Barty's perspective really well (by the way, I think it's hilarious that she understood Barbie, ahahah! It surely isn't a name he would find decent... :P) Also, it's scary to think what he will be able to do once he'll take control of the little girl (did I already say poor Wilhelmina?)

This was a really interesting piece and I'm glad I came across it. You are a very good writer!

Lots of love,

Chiara



Author's Response:

Hey Chiara,

Thank you for your lovely review! This was a piece I threw together in a last-minute hurry for a challenge; I must go back and edit it at some point, because it must be as confusing as Hell to read in places! I do apologie for that. Crouch jnr's soul escaped from a dementor, but a horcrux would have probably been a better idea :)

Brax X



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