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Reviews For In This Darkness

Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 14 Jun 2017 03:43 AM · Chapter: Chapter 14

Hiya Quilly!

Dreaming about Xander, are we, Lily? Interesting. (Me too, kid, me too.)

I'm a lot more fun to get under HE IS SASS AND CHEEK. I love it!

I am only sorry I didn't run into you harder SPEAKING OF SASS AND CHEEK. Merlin, I love these two so much.

Ooh I'm wondering now if Lily got herself in a little too deep with Edward. The whole thing sounds quite ominous now, and I hope when/if she lets him down, it doesn't have any repercussions. I worry about my little Lily.

OH MY GOSH DENNIS!!! What an amazing scene, I was completely enraptured. Fourteen chapters in and I'm still surprised by this story and loving it more and more. How sweet that Maya got to meet her idol (who just wandered into her room, of all things) and that Lily can see a little bit of herself in Maya. In fact, Lily convincing Maya to go to Hogwarts is very much like Dumbledore taking Harry to see Slughorn and I absolutely love it. I'm wondering if that's why Neville brought her along in the first place. Hm, very interesting that Xander will become her tutor. I'm actually a bit nervous to find out where all that goes.

This chapter was so wonderful, Quilly! I can't wait to see what you have planned for us poor readers! ♥ ♥ ♥    



Name: Vilja (Signed) · Date: 12 Jun 2017 09:28 AM · Chapter: Chapter 1

I’ve long willing to review this story, but I only got here now. I started to read after you’ve been nominated to story of the month at HPFT, and I so much enjoyed it that I just went chapter after chapter, and could not get myself to settle and write a review.

 

I think the best of your story is your OC, Xander Vandenberg. I love how he is characterized, and most of all how he is introduced to this story. There is certainly a lot of mystery around here, and to be honest I’m not sure if he will turn out to be a positive or a negative character. I see him very talented, and very special, but we all know that can go both ways.

 

I’m not a big fan of AU stories, but I think it is acceptable that you decided to ‘ignore’ Cursed Child, and it’s working well.

 

The opening of this chapter had a big effect on me (not so much the closing, but since it’s a multi-chaptered fic, I think that’s OK). You introduce new places and new characters, and you immediately caught my interest with your powerful description. You use a major character (Harry Potter) in the first scene, but that works well as we only find out that it’s him later.

 

Overall I think this is an exceptionally well-written story, and I can just hope that it will stay this way (and for my personal taste I hope that you will balance more towards mystery and not towards romance ;-))

 

And I also hope that we will learn more about the characters introduced here, like Rousell and Chapman.



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! I'm so glad you enjoyed Xander! I think Harry is so difficult to write, and I always shy away from him, so I'm glad you thought he worked out well in that first scene. Hehe I think I'd consider this a romance first and foremost, but hopefully there's enough of both to satisfy you. Thank you again for all the feedback! 



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 04 Jun 2017 10:39 AM · Chapter: Chapter 12

I get to start off this review with more congratulations - on story of the month this time! WOOHOO!

The wedding sounds lovely but ooohhh, what's going on with Harry and Ron that we don't know about? Something coming up in work, perhaps? I like how you've subtly reminded us about what happened in the first chapter, and bringing it back to our attention. I know I had forgotten that something bigger might be going on involving Xander's real family!

Aw, look at Lily being a protective little sister! And oh my goodness, calling an iPod a music box! XD

Hagrid is her godfather! Oh gosh that is the sweetest thing EVER!

Aw, the necklace ♥ Gorgeous. (Xander, my birthday is in November. Kthanks)

Ugh just what is going on in Xander's pretty little head?

Another great chapter, Quilly! It was great seeing more of James and Albus, too! ♥    



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 04 Jun 2017 10:39 AM · Chapter: Chapter 11

I'm glad you liked the aesthetic, Quilly! I got a bit nervous in case you thought I'd perceived Xander all wrong haha.

Oh my goodness, God bless Hugo. What a darling little cinnamon bun. I live for moments between him and Lily.

LILY LUNA-TIC POTTER! Omg that is brilliant! Ha ha!

Ooh they're finally asking about where Xander came from. I wonder if/when we'll find out!

Okay so whyyy must you write about Xander in grey sweatpants with water dripping down his chest, hmm??? You're killing me here! ♥

I love that Hugo knows exactly how to play his friend to get information, haha.

Seriously, I love Hugo. That is all.    



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 04 Jun 2017 10:36 AM · Chapter: Chapter 10

Hey Quilly!

So great to see Victoire and Teddy here! I'm excited for their wedding! I can't believe Victoire got an actual ship as gift once, haha! I love what she said about how the ship can only take her so far on the water, and Teddy takes her to the moon. That's so sweet ♥

I also love the connection you made between Lily and Ginny at 17, and it's so true (sorry Lily!) I'm glad Lily is starting to recognize it. But (and I think I've said this before) Lily is flawed, and that's what makes her such a great character. At least she's becoming aware of it now, and maybe she can change.

"You look okay." Oh, Xander. Ever the gentleman.

Aw, it was nice of Xander to give her a gift! I wonder what it is!

Also, I left you a little something on your profile :) Speak soon! ♥    



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 04 Jun 2017 10:35 AM · Chapter: Chapter 9

Ahh you're updating so fast! I love it! (And teach me your waysss)
I don't know how it took me so long to get here when we last left Lily and Xander in a broom closet, but I'm here now! Yay! :D

I love them together. I love how Lily always feels she has something to prove, and wants to do things without his help. Her thoughts go at a hundred miles per hour and he's just cool as a cucumber. I love them. So. Damn. Much.

Bless Molly, that little studious treasure. Her father would be so proud to know that's what she does with a boy.

Gah it was all going so well. I was reading like "Kiiiss... kiiiss!" But I should have known it wouldn't happen that easily haha! Noo you two don't hate each other! NOW KISS!

Oops, sorry, got a bit carried away again.

You wrote a whole chapter set in a broom closet, and it was amazing. Well done, Quilly :) ♥



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 04 Jun 2017 10:31 AM · Chapter: Chapter 13

Hello, Quilly!

 

Once again I'm amazing by your descriptions. Teach me your chapter-opening ways!!!

I love the description of difference in appearance between Edward and Lily. Trust Xander to notice!

Aw, Hugo, my adorable little cinnamon bun. My sweet summer child. I love how happy he is to talk to Hannah. Haha aaand this is why Xander can't keep a girlfriend!

"Both good at playing games." I love that because it's so true. Lily and Xander are both so deep behind the masks they wear that I think they've forgotten how to take them off.

"And how that laugh had been so unintended and fun that he had almost smacked himself a third time just to hear it again." OMG MY HEART THIS IS KILLING ME.

Okay where did Lily get the dragon magazine because I want one.

"At least it's nowhere near as creepy as Harry's parselmouth ability." HAHA! I'm sorry to practically be quoting the whole story back to you but there's just so many great things in this chapter!

Ooh and we're finally back to Xander's powerful abilities. I can't wait to see where this goes and what he's capable of (but scared at the same time!)

Professor Reagan is such a Slytherin.

"An era in which a young and charming student with exceptional talent, much like yourself, nearly destroyed the world we live in..." Amazing.

Gah what a great way to end this already incredible chapter! <3  



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 22 May 2017 01:21 AM · Chapter: Chapter 8

Hello hello! ♥

First off, CONGRATULATIONS on being a featured story! That's very exciting and of course very well deserved!

Of course Xander wears leather. I'm drooling all over my keyboard here.

I'm a little bit sad that Lily had an opportunity to check him out longer while under the Cloak, and he ruined it for us - I mean, her... *ahem*

Oh my oh my oh my. Not-so-Invisible tension.

The way you write Xander's dialogue is so amazing. As a character I swear he just leaps right off the screen. The way he talks just flows so naturally and realistically, and I'm envious! 

Another thing I really love about Xander is how he's always calling Lily out. It's hilarious most of the time, like him catching her smelling his jacket, haha!

She is so not subtle, oh my goodness. I'm cracking up with second hand embarrassment at her asking Xander if he's a bad boy.

SOMEONE'S CAUGHT THE FEELS!

AND SOMEONE WITH THOSE FEELS IS NOW IN THE BROOM CLOSET! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

Excellent work as usual, Quilly! Can't wait (like really can't wait) to find out what happens next!

♥    



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 22 May 2017 01:21 AM · Chapter: Chapter 7

Quilly! 

I finally found the time to return, sorry it took so long!

Oof, Lily's friends sound like they could be a bit of a handful, and a bit of extra pressure on Lily.

I KNEW Nia would be after Xander! That's just going to end in disaster for everyone involved.

I can't even review as I read like I usually do because I'm so sucked in!

Remember in chapter 3 how I commented about the scene seeming really long because it was mostly dialogue? Well this whole chapter is one scene, with girls talking, but it works. You've broken it up with enough feelings, thoughts and actions, and it had me gripped on every word. I'm watching you improve with every chapter, and it's amazing, and I'm proud!

♥ B    



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 22 May 2017 01:20 AM · Chapter: Chapter 6

I have things to do, Quilly, so if you could stop leaving me wanting more, that would be great.

Jokes! But how can I resist with a chapter summary like that, especially when it starts in Xander's POV?

I love love love how many details Xander notices about Lily. He's got it bad.

And speaking of Lily, I love reading about the darker side to having a famous father. All the thoughts that Caroline (among others, I'm sure) has are pretty expected, even if they're not very nice. I bet they do all think she has life handed to her on a silver platter.
Oh and look at her using her powers with the thestral. 

It's an extremely interesting detail to have Xander struggle to grow plants. The idea that living things don't respond to him very much adds to his dark demeanour. It makes me wonder even more what you have planned for Xander in the future.

In fact, that whole Herbology scene is amazing. I was annoyed at Caroline for Lily's sake, haha! But even just with Xander's thoughts of Professor Longbottom (which is totally accurate - I bet he really wouldn't seem like the type of person who destroyed a Horcrux in battle) and the description of the plants needing love and smiles is so enjoyable. 

Uh oh, and now the two of them are up to no good?!

Another excellent chapter - I'll be back soon!

♥    



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 22 May 2017 01:20 AM · Chapter: Chapter 5

Hello Quilly! ♥ 

I have so much to say about that very first paragraph. How do you do that?! It's an interesting way to open a chapter, I love every word. Although I'm surprised that Xander doesn't like his reflection. I suppose I just assumed that he would. Ooh and the mirror is the entrance to the Head dorm? That's flipping awesome! That's such a cool detail.

I love the idea that he wants to occupy his time with learning to become an Animagus. I wonder what form he would take? The way McGonagall refuses Xander in so many things is so similar to Dumbledore and Tom Riddle, and I'm kind of glad she's there to make sure he doesn't get carried away.

I like that Hugo can see straight through Xander. I think that's important for Xander, and it's especially good for him to have a true friend (even if Xander is using him to get others out of detention *rolls eyes*)

Um, excuse me, Xander, there is no such thing as awful bed hair :P

"Empty corridors are way too public," said Xander with a sly smile, "for the things I like to do." OMG what are you doing to me, Quilly?!

I think one (just one - there's so many!) of the appealing things about this story is how far from perfect the main characters are. Lily and Xander may have a lot in commom, but not all of these things are good. The characters feel real.

You honestly have such a talent, and I can't wait to read more from you!

♥ B    



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 22 May 2017 01:20 AM · Chapter: Chapter 4

I noticed you updated on here so I'll transfer my reviews over! <3

Hey gorgeous ♥

Aw, a bit of sad opening to the chapter. It's bittersweet though, the things that remind her of her mother. It's wonderfully written.

Haha oh my gosh, I love the idea of Molly's that now that the family's troublemakers have left, they can make the Weasley name good again :P

Well, of course Xander is Slytherin ♥ I bet he looks great in green ;)

I like the imagery (I think there's a better, more technical word but I can't think what it is) of Lily always looking across the tables at Xander, but he never does. Also, him being a perfect student that the teachers love is also very Tom Riddle. I hope he doesn't have plans involving a certain snakey. It's sad that he pushed her away after Ginny died. You'd think he'd need someone to lean on after that too :(

Now I can understand why they don't like each other. At first I wondered how it could be possible when they lived together, but it was a slow build and I completely get it.

Oh Lord Hugo is so head over heels for Hannah. It's adorable ♥ 

Oops, got so caught up reading a forgot to make comments along the way. Poor Andrew! He really did take it quite harsh. But I'm rooting for Lils, and I hope the break up takes a bit of weight off her shoulders. That girl deserves to be happy.

Brilliant chapter, as always. More characters are being introduced slowly, so it's easier to keep track of them all, all the while deepening the interactions between Lily and Xander. I'm excited to continue! Well done, my love!

♥ ♥ ♥



Author's Response:

Aw thank you so much for taking the time to transfer your reviews! 

I can't believe I got so behind on this site, but hopefully I'll be all caught up soon. 

Thank you for all your kind words, love! Re-reading your reviews made me appreciate all the encouragement you have given me all over again! 



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 18 May 2017 03:01 AM · Chapter: Chapter 2

The explanation of how Harry ended up in his old family home is perfect. I think both Harry and Ginny are perfectly characterized here in what they would want in a house.

Xander is reading about Grindelwald and finds it interesting... which sends alarms up because why does he find it interesting? Is he interested in what Grindelwald was trying to do, due to the dark magic that's dormant in him? Or, I suppose, he could just be reading it because he thinks Grindelwald's story is fascinating, which is true, so this motivation wouldn't be a problem. But I love that you introduced 17-year-old Xander in this way, because it continues the questions from the first chapter of whether he'll go one way or the other, whether he'll be swayed into dark magic or if his upbringing instilled different values in him.

Also I don't know if I mentioned in the previous chapter but it's SO like Harry to adopt/take care of a child in a tough situation - probably due to Harry's own childhood experiences, but it's very believable that he would have taken Xander in.

Her mother had passed away over three years ago, -- OMG. OUCH. I can't believe you dropped this so casually like BTW GINNY IS DEAD and my heart just broke a little. I was not prepared for that. What happened to her? I hope we get to find out in a future chapter!

Anyway in response to your questions, I think this chapter works really well as a follow up to the first chapter. Xander is presented in a similar context where it's kind of interesting trying to figure him out, and given what Harry said about his kids who were Xander's age in the previous chapter, it's great to see this chapter of how things actually turned out.

I think you've done really well characterizing Lily, as well - I already have a fairly good idea of what sort of person she is. Her characterization is pretty consistent throughout the chapter, too, which is good. Also, this portrayal of her is believable - she's got a hotheaded streak that is reminiscent of both of her parents, and she's also kind of spoiled which is understandable as she's the youngest child and only girl in a rather wealthy family, and it makes sense that Harry would be prone to spoiling his children a little considering the miserable childhood he had with the Dursleys. And I like that you mentioned how she admires Teddy, as that ties in with what we saw of her in the DH epilogue.

CC:
It was a splendid looking house, with three floors, open spaces, impressive chandeliers and expensive furniture -- I like that you're describing the scene here in the Potter Manor and I can already get an image in my mind of what it looks like. However, one thing that might make your description stronger is to use more specific adjectives, and show rather than tell. What I mean is this: why is the chandelier impressive? Is it multi-tiered, made of brass with crystal hanging from it? Or is it gold? Or a more rustic looking material? Same with the furniture - what makes it expensive? Is it, for example, mahogany? Teak? Basically, the more specific your descriptions are, the more effective they will be, and rather than telling the reader that something is beautiful/impressive/etc, show them why. :)

Since they had started dating six months ago, -- here it might be helpful to clarify who the 'they' is in this instance (I believe it's Scorpius and Rose, but I had to read it over a couple times before figuring it out)

This was a really good chapter and I'm curious what happened to Ginny, and whether Xander and Lily do enjoy each other's company once in a while (will they play Quidditch?) How does the rest of the family feel about Harry dating again? And though I've seen little glimpses into what Albus and James are like, I'd love to get to know them better in upcoming chapters. Basically this chapter has me very interested in reading more. :)

I enjoyed this chapter! This is shaping up to be a great story - wonderful work on this.



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 18 May 2017 02:58 AM · Chapter: Chapter 1

*Transferred from HPFF*

 

Hi! I'm here with your request from HPFT. Sorry about the delay!

Can I just say that I LOVE your first sentence. It's kind of quirky, much like the wizarding world itself, and in fact it kind of reminds me of the first sentence of the very first HP book in its matter-of-fact-ness.

“But you’re the chosen one,” argued Mason. “The only one Rousell truly feared.” -- This is interesting. There's definitely some similarities to Dumbledore and Voldemort here as well, and I'm wondering if Roussell is going to become the next big Dark Wizard. I guess it's been a while since the last one, so :P

Yikes, I did not expect the boy to suddenly whip an Unforgivable Curse out of nowhere. How did he even learn that - and especially to be powerful enough to actually cast an effective Crucio? That must be so scary - even despite that he doesn't like Mr Chapman Harry probably can't just sit and watch that. And then it turns out that the boy was just protecting Harry (or so he says). I'm not sure who to believe haha! But I don't think the boy would be so manipulative and evil at 6, so I'm inclined to think he's telling the truth. Though you never know. I bet Voldemort was still evil at 6.

I think the parallels you have here are really interesting. It seems like you have a lot of room to explore the idea of nature vs nurture, and I'm not sure if that's where you're going with this haha, but it's just what I was thinking about as I read. Xander comes from a family of dark magic, and as such he's got some natural talent at dark magic, but it remains to be seen what effect that will have on his personality. So far, all we've seen of him is that he's scared and that he's powerful, but being adopted by Harry and Ginny will definitely give him a more nurturing environment and I'm curious to see how he turns out. And how Xander's knowledge of his family and past will affect him, when he learns of it, and how he feels about the fact that a memory charm was used to erase part of his childhood memory.

So yes, in response to your questions on your request - it does bring up a lot of questions and interesting ideas, and it made perfect sense to me. The only hole I found was the fact that Harry seems to have gotten an owl from Detroit to the UK, and considering an owl is not a seabird, I don't know how it would have made that long of a flight. (Maybe that's a kind of weird thing for me to point out but that's what I noticed :P )

Some little fixes:
Mason Chapman, chasier and owner -- probably meant to say 'cashier'?

The bells attached to the handle gave a lazy rung -- I think that should be 'ring' instead of rung. When used as a noun, rung is a step on a ladder ;)

Overall though, this is a really great introductory chapter and sets up your story effectively. It definitely grabs the attention and makes me wonder what happens in the future!

Wonderful work on this. :)



Name: Shinicha (Signed) · Date: 17 May 2017 03:30 PM · Chapter: Chapter 7

Oh, this one was a filler! But a good one. Just when I thought last chapter, that we didn't see much of Lily's supposedly shallow side, we now get an explanation of her alienation. I really can't see how she was friends with Nia and Donna as they seem so mean here! 

I wonder when Lily will realize what her feelings for Xander are - but before that I'm dying to know what will happen with the Thestral. Lily is really compassionate and kind, and it's interesting to read the way you write her: Even though technically I didn't know her before this story, I get the feeling that I know she's maturing and changing. I think you manage to convey this really well. I can't wait to read more!



Author's Response:

Lol you're right Nia and Donna do seem mean, but Lily's seventeen and, like you said, she's maturing and changing, so I won't say that she wasn't once just as shallow. There's so much history to the characters (to Lily and Xander, etc) that we don't get to see, and I struggled with deciding what year I wanted to showcase them in. For a while I considered showing them at 15/16, and we would have seen much more of that then, but hopefully those pieces will start to fit in as the rest of the story progresses. Thank you for reviewing! I'm in the process of transferring more chapters over! I really hope you enjoy them! 



Name: Shinicha (Signed) · Date: 17 May 2017 03:15 PM · Chapter: Chapter 6

Ohh it's nice to see the two of them getting closer.

Also, Xander's story is moving along with him having the dreams. I really am worried about this anger in his eyes. I think it's a strange concept to assume someone has somthing 'evil' inside that needs to be fought. Why and where from?

But this ambiguity makes his character really fascinating. He is mean but also caring. The same goes for Lily acutally - although it is mentioned often that she cares for clothes and make up, this isn't really the side we get to see.

In this chapter I also found some smaller mistakes, such as "a wide spice to grow in" which you might want to pay attention to if you plan on doing edits!

Again, love this!



Author's Response:

There's so much I have to tell from Xander's story, and it's hard to do it without giving it out all at once lol but I'm glad you do feel like it's moving along. As for your questions -- there will be answers. I promise lol and hopefully good ones! Again thank you for the edits and for taking the time to review :)



Name: Shinicha (Signed) · Date: 17 May 2017 12:52 PM · Chapter: Chapter 4

This is such a gripping and well-told story!

Your really drew up characters with a lot of depth. I was really shocked to see Ginny die, though I suppose it makes sense for the story line. This story is marked as a novella - I wonder how it will be paced over the next chapters. I love the way it is going now, though there is still a really big story left to be told, with Xander's memory returning, his grandfather's legacy and whatever clarifiers will come up with!

I noticed that in quite a few sentences some words are missing, at it's amost always him/he/her like this: "She couldn't remember the last time had bothered touching her." Maybe if you go over it again for edits watch out for those :)



Author's Response:

I hated to see Ginny die, but it was so crucial for the rest of the plot development! I'm not sure if it'll finish up as novella, to be honest, but that's what I've estimated it as so far. Thank you for pointing out the corrections! I've been transferring this story over from another site, but as soon as it's all here, I'm going to go back and correct those details! I really appreciate you pointing them out to me!



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 14 Mar 2017 03:43 AM · Chapter: Chapter 3

(Cross posting from HPFF :))

HELLO MY DEAR

I'm back to sprinkle some love on this story! I'll be reviewing as I read so sorry for the randomness.

So I've literally read two lines of Hugo and I absolutely love him already. Of course my baby is Head Boy ♥

Oh my goodness she's reading the Grindelwald book! Is she trying to determine what Xander's interest is? Does she just want to find something to talk about with him? What does this mean?!

I think an owl breakup would still be better than a text message breakup. At least you get to hug and cry into a fluffy owl.

Lily on a magazine with that title is too amazing for words.

I'm loving Xander the more and more I read about him. It might be naughty for me to say, but I just love a bad boy ♥ (who am I kidding... Who doesn't love a bad boy?!)

I like the fact Xander and Hugo are friends. I feel since they're so different it's a nice balance between them.

Oooh I see, she's trying to impress Xander. Yeah, you keep telling yourself it has nothing to do with that, Lily.

Overall, your characters are great (but you already know I love them ♥) It's clear that Lily and Hugo are close, and know a lot about each other, and though we get a glimpse of Hugo and Xander's relationship, I'd love to see more of them in action.

The only thing I would have to say about this chapter is that the scene with Luly and Hugo does go one for quite long. Not that the content isn't interesting, it's just quite a lot of dialogue that needs to be broken up a bit with more action. But apart from that, another wonderful chapter :)    



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 14 Mar 2017 03:43 AM · Chapter: Chapter 2

(Cross posting from HPFF :))

Hello hello! So good to be back on this story! 

Judging by the fact you want me to look at the characterisation of Lily and Xander, I`m guessing we get to see them a bit older and how they interact, and not gonna lie I'm really excited about it. I'm so intrigued by Xander especially. 

AND YES! Tension straight away. They don't like each other, and I live for dat banter.

Ooh he`s fascinated by Grindelwald. Xander is so smol and cute but dang there`s a dark cloud hovering over him. 

Ahh Lily. Who doesn't have a crush on Scorpius though.

I would literally take an earwax flavoured bean over a toad one any day.

Wait, Ginny died?! Aww no :( Lily's reaction to Harry potentially dating is so realistic though. It must be so hard for her to be in a house full of boys now.

The only bad thing I have to say about this chapter is that it's much too short! I need to see more of them! Xander clearly doesn't hate Lily as much as he might think, and I looove it!

I've favourited this story because I really really like where it's going, and I can't wait to read more!

♥ Bianca



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 04 Mar 2017 10:13 PM · Chapter: Chapter 2

Back again, as promised! ;)

This was a fun chapter. I'm already enjoying the love/hate (more hate than love right now, maybe...) relationship between Xander and Lily. It was really fun to read. And I think it was interesting to see how well Xander could read her, better than the rest of the family even. I guess it has something to do with living side by side for their whole lives... I'm curious about their houses, by the way... if I have to guess, Gryffindor for her and Slytherin for him? Too cliched guess? Well, I'll find out in later chapters, I suppose...

Ginny's dead? What? How? Why? (I guess the reason is plot purposes... it was still so sad to learn that...)

Xander is fascinated by Grindelwald and that's a tiny bit worrisome, but I hope it doesn't mean anything. Also, the memory charm still holds and that doesn't sound too good either... I'm afraid he might find out the truth soon, and react badly to it... Once again, I'll just have to keep reading, right?

And Harry has a colleague who might become a love interest... mmh... Lily's reaction was definitely overdramatic, but I can totally see where she was coming from. It must hurt to imagine another woman in your father's life when the loss of your mother is not so far away... also, I'm wondering if there isn't something dangerous about this woman as well... (ahahah! I see conspiracies everywhere... :P don't mind me...)

Great job with this chapter, too, and I might be back again soon! But for now I'll leave you (also because it's 11 pm and I should really go to bed...)

Much love,

Chiara



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 04 Mar 2017 09:18 PM · Chapter: Chapter 1

Hello!

Please, please, please, forgive me for taking so long to get here... it's been a crazy few weeks... I'm so sorry... :(

But I'm so happy that you asked me to review this! Oh, my Merlin, this was brilliant! This chapter is so intriguing and really makes you want to read on and see what happens!

I loved your description at the beginning, of the dingy laundromat and of Chapman. You gave such a strong and clear picture of his character in such a short space, really well done! All your descriptions were brilliant!

Anna's story does remind a bit of Merope, even if it's different under many aspects. And Xander... poor little thing, I so wanted to hug him tight and protect him... even if he's more than able to protect himself, apparently... that moment when he used the Cruciatus curse was quite scary, but he's still only a scared child that just needs someone to love him. And I can totally see why Harry would decide to bring him home, that's the sort of thing he would do.

I also loved your Ginny and the way you wrote her relationship with Harry. I think you really captured both their characters perfectly. She is strong and caring and I love how she and Harry understand and trust and support each other.

So, to cut it short... I think you did a wonderful job with this prologue, and I'm just going on reading right now, because you had me intrigued so much (and because I need to be forgiven for the long wait...)

Thank you so much for requesting and sharing this amazing story!

See you soon,

Chiara



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 21 Feb 2017 12:56 AM · Chapter: Chapter 2

Hi! Here with your review from HPFT!

The explanation of how Harry ended up in his old family home is perfect. I think both Harry and Ginny are perfectly characterized here in what they would want in a house.

Xander is reading about Grindelwald and finds it interesting... which sends alarms up because why does he find it interesting? Is he interested in what Grindelwald was trying to do, due to the dark magic that's dormant in him? Or, I suppose, he could just be reading it because he thinks Grindelwald's story is fascinating, which is true, so this motivation wouldn't be a problem. But I love that you introduced 17-year-old Xander in this way, because it continues the questions from the first chapter of whether he'll go one way or the other, whether he'll be swayed into dark magic or if his upbringing instilled different values in him.

Also I don't know if I mentioned in the previous chapter but it's SO like Harry to adopt/take care of a child in a tough situation - probably due to Harry's own childhood experiences, but it's very believable that he would have taken Xander in.

Her mother had passed away over three years ago, -- OMG. OUCH. I can't believe you dropped this so casually like BTW GINNY IS DEAD and my heart just broke a little. I was not prepared for that. What happened to her? I hope we get to find out in a future chapter!

Anyway in response to your questions, I think this chapter works really well as a follow up to the first chapter. Xander is presented in a similar context where it's kind of interesting trying to figure him out, and given what Harry said about his kids who were Xander's age in the previous chapter, it's great to see this chapter of how things actually turned out.

I think you've done really well characterizing Lily, as well - I already have a fairly good idea of what sort of person she is. Her characterization is pretty consistent throughout the chapter, too, which is good. Also, this portrayal of her is believable - she's got a hotheaded streak that is reminiscent of both of her parents, and she's also kind of spoiled which is understandable as she's the youngest child and only girl in a rather wealthy family, and it makes sense that Harry would be prone to spoiling his children a little considering the miserable childhood he had with the Dursleys. And I like that you mentioned how she admires Teddy, as that ties in with what we saw of her in the DH epilogue.

CC:
It was a splendid looking house, with three floors, open spaces, impressive chandeliers and expensive furniture -- I like that you're describing the scene here in the Potter Manor and I can already get an image in my mind of what it looks like. However, one thing that might make your description stronger is to use more specific adjectives, and show rather than tell. What I mean is this: why is the chandelier impressive? Is it multi-tiered, made of brass with crystal hanging from it? Or is it gold? Or a more rustic looking material? Same with the furniture - what makes it expensive? Is it, for example, mahogany? Teak? Basically, the more specific your descriptions are, the more effective they will be, and rather than telling the reader that something is beautiful/impressive/etc, show them why. :)

Since they had started dating six months ago, -- here it might be helpful to clarify who the 'they' is in this instance (I believe it's Scorpius and Rose, but I had to read it over a couple times before figuring it out)

This was a really good chapter and I'm curious what happened to Ginny, and whether Xander and Lily do enjoy each other's company once in a while (will they play Quidditch?) How does the rest of the family feel about Harry dating again? And though I've seen little glimpses into what Albus and James are like, I'd love to get to know them better in upcoming chapters. Basically this chapter has me very interested in reading more. :)

I enjoyed this chapter! This is shaping up to be a great story - wonderful work on this.



Name: dreamgazer220 (Signed) · Date: 20 Feb 2017 05:29 PM · Chapter: Chapter 2

Hey there! I'm here with your review. :D

I'm really sad that you killed off Ginny, but I also like the twist in the story. I haven't read too many next gens where one of the parents was dead, so kudos for originality there. I can't imagine how hard it must be for Harry, but I love the fact that they ended up moving into the Potter Manor at Godric's Hollow. Sweet that Ginny wanted him to have a tie to his own family.

You primarily asked about the characterization between Lily and Xander, and I enjoyed their banter. I also like Lily - I don't think she's necessarily spoiled, but she definitely has a privileged life. I like it, though; it makes sense, especially with Ginny gone, that the boys would dote on her - except for Xander. And he does seem to gel well with the Potter clan too; and I like that he knows more than anyone where she would go when she's upset and that he would seek her out, even if he thinks she's being dramatic. I'm very curious to see how their relationship unfolds over time. I'm not quite getting a brother vibe here and I like it ;)

I think the biggest thing that stuck out for me for this chapter was a balance of description and dialogue. Both of them are great on their own; I love the descriptions of the Potter Manor in the beginning and at the end of the chapter, you bring those back with the Quidditch field. I would like to see them intersect a little more in the kitchen scene when the Potter boys come back from Diagon Alley. Also, why didn't Lily and Xander go with them when they went shopping? I do enjoy the characters and dynamics within the family though. :)

Overall though I enjoyed this chapter and I'd be curious to see where you took the story, especially since the title suggests that things take a darker turn later on.</p><p>Thanks for the request!

-Jill



Name: PaulaTheProkaryote (Signed) · Date: 18 Feb 2017 07:57 PM · Chapter: Chapter 1

Hi there!

Sorry it took me so long to get here! I had to write and post 17 award reviews so that kind of sucked away my drive for a few days.

Already I'm excited about the pairing. Lily is one of my favorite next-geners (that's a terrible phrase, why am I using it?). She can be characterized a million different ways.

I think your writing is very charming. The very first line was so wonderfully Lemony Snicket feeling. "Chapman’s Clean & Bright Laundromat was neither clean nor bright." THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT COULD BE LEMONY!

Minor CC: I think autocorrect hit you in that first paragraph with "chasier" which I think is cashier.

"His half open mouth revealed a black hole of decaying teeth that produced a terrible odor." OH DEAR. That imagery. I might be sick! I see that throughout your chapter you've placed this kind of imagery everywhere and I'm so glad. I notice a lot of people slam us with a bunch of imagery in the beginning and then we get nothing but dialogue for the rest of the chapter (myself included). Love it!

Harry James Potter. IN DETROIT! Ooh, I love it! It would make sense for those shady deatheaters to flee to places like the US. We got plenty of elitism right here on the daily! I'll buy the premise! I also really like the name you've given them. Clarifiers. It makes sense, it's catchy, and it sounds like it would be real.

I feel like there's a lot of mystery around Roussell's death that might be significant. Perhaps Anna herself finished him off? Perhaps she witnessed it? Or even more likely, we learned that the boy has this murdering ability so perhaps he was the one who killed him off. It would be very reminiscent of Tom and his family's unfortunate end. If that was the case then I doubt Harry would Dumbledore-It-Up this time. I think he'd step in, so that's why we have him here now. Sorry for my long-winded conspiracy about your plot.

And there's the reoccuring theme of a mother's love. AH! You're good.

I don't think that our sweet little Xander is truly bad. Also I have a close friend that's a Vandenberg so obviously he's going to be a sweet little precious thing.

I love your Ginny/Harry dynamics too, btw. They're a good couple. Especially the Ginny half of it. She's one of my favorite characters so to see her done well always warms my heart.

I'm worried that the memory charm will bring Xander to resent them when the truth comes out. I hope they're ready for that.

I think this was a really, really, really good start to what's bound to be a really, really, really good story! I can't wait to read the next chapter!



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 17 Feb 2017 04:41 AM · Chapter: Chapter 1

I'm in love with this from the first paragraph. It had a wonderful, original feel, and flows beautifully.

You say you struggled with this chapter, but trust me, it doesn't show at all. There's a lot of information presented, but it doesn't feel dumped at all, and that can be one of the most difficult things about writing.

Ooh I almost feel we have a new Tom Riddle on our hands. I love that Harry has thought about this, and it influences his decision to bring Xander back with him. Plus Harry knows what it's like to be an orphan and have no one. I like to think he hopes he can change the boy's future.

I'm intrigued by Rousell too, especially by the fact that he feared Harry, and you used the same words that described Voldemort's fear of Dumbledore. I wonder if anyone will come after Xander because of him. 

I don't know how much of a future role Chapman will play, but he already seems like a real, thought out character.  I think Harry is perfect too. Responsible, kind-hearted, but serious when he needs to be. And Ginny! Xander couldn't be brought up in a better household.

This really is an amazing start. I'm definitely sucked in!



Author's Response:

Thank you for the wonderful review! There is a lot of information here -and more coming- so deciding how to present it in a way that feels natrual is a constant struggle. I am glad you thought it flowed effectively for now. I'm also glad you found Rousell intriguing. When creating villains for this fanfic, I wanted to capture some of the darkness we found in the HP universe and still make it their own, so I hope it translates in that way laer on. In some ways, Chapman represented Xander's old life, and Harry is going to represent his new one. So, in that sense, he is a vital character, and I wanted to make sure he was constructed soldily enough to be one. Thank you once again for your review and all your insights! 



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