Hi I meant to review this last night, but it was three in the morning and I rather had a laundry list of things to do this morning. On the plus side, I now have clean clothes in the basket that only need to be folded and put away.
So, I like your username and the effectiveness of your banner is very nice. (This has been on my list to read for ages, by the way, and real life and adulting kept giving me excuses.) You should never judge fan fiction by it's cover or whatever, but the red "r" at the end? That's really art. (I've never had a banner placed in (or or it on) one of my pieces.
The opening of this piece? Those opening lines? That's really impactful and is an interesting way to deliver what you were trying to give an introduction into a flashback piece. Well done. Man, I wish I would have picked this up sooner and started reading through it.
The only thing that gets rather iffy here because it is so well written and so well done is this. Arthur Weasley said that his children were not allowed to join the Order even though his children, Fred and George in this case, had reached the age of majority, if you follow me.
I don't think that Dumbledore would have been that careless - simply reaching 17 or 18 doesn't mean that you're an adult mentally and ready to take on the wold and certainly not ready to take on a "secret society". I'm speaking specifically here of James and Sirius. Rowling says he grew up in his seventh year, and maybe he did, a little. I just don't see Dumbledore making that mistake with a horde of students (and portraits) and McGonagall who wasn't in the Order first go.
Just something to think about. I'm older - adulting takes time:) Really beautifully written. Probably the best I've read here in a long while.
Looking forward to continuing.
Wow thank you so much! I am glad to hear that my banner drew you in, because I love it as well! I'm glad that you enjoyed the writing and introductions, as that changes many times over. I do agree that it is irresponsible and almost a little unbelievable that Dumbledore would do this. I was trying my best to display his desperation, and I guess I just went a little too far. I can see how you read that and understand your point of view.
Thank you for your review! I hope to hear more from you,
I have to say I was drawn to this from the very beginning. I absolutely adore the chapter titles, as well as the two words you used to describe the characters at the beginning. It has a rather haunting feel, and haunted Marauders give me life.
So only a short chapter, but it's definitely done it's job in drawing in the reader - I know I'll be following this story very cloesly! It's a good set up to what the story is going to be about, and I can't wait to find out what happens next!
Wow thank you so much! I am so glad that the first chapter drew you in, and am excited to see how you feel about the rest of the story.
Hello! I've seen this story in recently updated a few times and heard about it a few times, but I haven't had the chance to try and read this before now.
This was a relatively short chapter, but as an opening to your novel I thought it worked really well; this is a setting which most of us are quite familiar with Brough reading fanfiction, but you introduced your own take on it and set out clearly from the start some of the themes in the novel.
The first few lines were so interesting! I don't think I've really seen many stories which outline the characters so boldly before now, but I really liked the way that you chose to open the chapter. Stating the characters and then just your choice of two alliterative adjectives for each of them was really striking and interesting. I'm already fascinated by the way that you're going to explore the characters in this.
I liked the way you opened this novel with the eight of them being asked to join the Order, too. It's a really important occasion for them and I liked the way that you wrote it, showing how nervous and proud they were at the same time to be asked to join. Dumbledore always seems to be a difficult character to write to me, but you did a good job with him here, especially the dialogue and the fact you resisted the temptation to make him very verbose.
The ending was so succinct but I thought it was really effective. It's so sad to think they're so young but none of them have very long left...