I know you said it's an older story BUT it's Jily fluff and Jily fluff is the best stuff. I really had to rhyme. I'm not sure what came over me.
I really love bits about Slughorn and his general characterization. I know I always comment on your characterization, but GOODNESS, you've truly mastered the skill.
I'm just saying if Edric doesn't meet Sluggy's standards should she realllly be bothering with him? I like Liv's response because that was the first thing I thought.
I also really like the weirdness between her and Lily. I think you did a really good job characterizing it in a realistic way.
"The sleeves of his dress shirt were pushed up, revealing his muscled forearms." Oh girl, you got me there.
I get the feeling that several people want her to break up with him. Slughorn, Liv, Sirius, probably Severus, definitely Jamesy.
"Of course I do. Didn't you know?" I'm just happy sighing right now. Don't mind me.
They do just fit and I love how nervous he was and he's adorable and I love him and 10/10 idk if that's the rating system, but I loved it! My jily tooth is satisfied!
Paulaaaaa! "Jily fluff is the best stuff" = fact. Every time I receive a review from you, it leaves me smiling. The praise of my characterization is wonderful to hear but I also appreciate another fan of muscled forearms.
10/10?! *squish* Thank you thank you thank you. :)
Hello! Thought I'd drop by for a BvB review :)
This is such an adorable one-shot. I'm not normally one for squealing with excitement by the end of a story, but I have to say I squeaked a fair bit here! This piece kept me hooked from start to finish, striking the ideal balance between background descriptions, character development and dialogue to keep the whole story flowing beautifully. Each scene is really well-set, with just enough information to give an overall impression, but leaving a few things up to the reader's imagination. I really love that in a story.
It's not easy to bring an OC into a one-shot and build them into a believable person in so few words, but you certainly pulled it off with Liv. Already I see her as a strong, confident person in her own right, with a playful sense of humour. She makes a convincing friend of Lily's.
I love love love Sirius in your story! This is exactly how I imagine him to be. Insert wistful sigh here. I thought Lily's strength of character showed through well, being so restrained whilst dancing with him. I would have swooned dramatically and become lost in his gaze or something if he'd pushed the hair off my face. Um, sorry. Back to reality...
Poor Edric! I felt terribly sorry for him, but even though we didn't get to actually meet him, he does sound like a bit of a drip, so I'm glad Lily broke up with him.
The dance scene with James - aaah!! Gosh, that was a terribly brave thing to do, telling Lily that he loves her, but I suppose parties and alcohol do that to you! What a risk to take. I'm glad it paid off in the end :) Their dance scene held the right amount of 'squee' mixed with enough 'yikes' to make that paragraph so much fun to read.
And finishing it off on the Quidditch pitch with a kiss and the promise of a date - perfect!
I loved this story :)
Hello Brax. *waves* I'm glad you enjoyed the story so much! I think adorable is definitely an apt word for it, which is a nice change from my novel where it's still in the "will they or won't they?" stage. I appreciate all your comments on characterization, especially of the OCs. Secretly, I also feel like poor Edric never stood a chance. No matter how I built him up, he just wouldn't be James.
Thank you so much for stopping by. Hope to interact with you in the common room more! :)