Name: cambangst (Signed) · Date: 02 Jan 2017 07:49 PM · Chapter: Longbottom Manor

Hello, again! After the first chapter, I wanted to come back and read the second.


One small point of continuity: I remember reading somewhere in the first chapter that Harry was going to be staying with the Weasleys. Instead, he went to stay with the Longbottoms. Not sure whether a visit to the Weasleys is upcoming or whether that was a typo.


Also, I recall thinking as I read the first chapter that maybe Aunt Petunia was suffering from the effect of reversing some sort of long-term memory charm. Her symptoms -- headache, collapse -- might come from that but look a lot like magical exhaustion. If that's what happened, nicely written! I'm really curious to know more about her story and how it factors into Harry's.


Harry and Neville seem to be hitting it off grandly in this chapter. They both have difficult pasts, so it's easy to see how they would related to one another really well. Madam Longbottom cuts an imposing figure on the story, but obviously she's kind and seems to have Harry's best interests at heart.


This chapter seemed a little rougher than the first chapter when it came to editing. I recall seeing a few places where it appeared that part of a sentence was missing, anywhere from one word to several. You should definitely give it a read-through.


Very neat idea! I'm eager to see where you take this.




Author's Response:

Ah blast! I had forgotten to edit that part: I edited the chapter on AO3 but must've forgotten to edit here. There won't be a visit to the Weasleys.

I'm not sure actually how much Harry should know about his aunt's past beyond what he knows now. Gor, I feel like canon Dumbledore now...

I'm glad to know that you liked Madam Longbottom! I hoped to not cross into the realm of mean old lady but not exactly a cookie-baking, scarf-knitting grandma archetype. Indeed my face claim for her would be Diana Rigg, or Olenna Tyrell on Game of Thrones, so I'll try to make her be someone similar to that character.

Unfortunately I was quite impatient with this chapter; I wanted to get it out early. I also changed the story on a dime as I have a habit of doing (Harry going to the Longbottoms instead of the Weasleys- much less characters to introduce PLUS more relevant to the larger story), so I wasn't sure exactly what I was doing if I'm honest with you. Then I decided 'to hell with a proper readthrough!' and posted the mangled remains of a perfectly good draft. Only joking about the last part: I just was in a rush to get it out. You can probably tell I'm not that fun at parties :P

Again, I'm honored that you took the time to read it. Thanks again!

Name: cambangst (Signed) · Date: 02 Jan 2017 05:36 PM · Chapter: A New Plan

Hi! Congratulations on your featured story! I wanted to stop by and give it a read.


I think your premise is really interesting. Harry seems like much more of a target of political intrigue. It's hard to precisely say whose "side" Dumbledore and McGonagall are on or what they're playing at. Fudge is clearly in opposition to whatever that might be. But the idea of Petunia Dursley as some sort of sleeper cell secret agent? That's something I've never seen before.


If I'm reading this correctly, everyone at Number 4 Privet Drive is magical except for Vernon, who has just been sent on his way to a new life as a crazy muggle homeless guy. Gotta love the poetic justice inherent in that development. Poor Dudders is going to need some time to adjust, but it appears that he'll be well supported.


All in all, I think I like where you're going with this. I should also say that your writing is very nicely done. I didn't see any spelling, grammar or syntax problems. You put some thought into your choice of words and it shows.


Nice job!

Author's Response:

Hey there! Thank you for reviewing. Dumbledore and McGonagall want what they see as best for Harry; Fudge's motives are suspect. For Minerva, as you could see, she's willing to do what she can for Harry at any cost necessary if Dumbledore was willing to help her. As this is a much more intrugue-driven story, what will come of that first conversation has yet to be revealed.

Thank you for the review! :D

Submit a Review