Gosh... it's like, I knew when I started reading that she'd probs end up dead. Cuz she's not in the books, but still. IT HURTS. And I'm CRYING.
I have never cried for a character in a Fanfiction before. Until now.
So. Feelings. Ah, because I'm re-reading this (albeit the revised version), I know what this is foreshadowing in the story and it makes me smile so much, but it's also kind of bittersweet. I know that Sirius behaved (mostly) pretty nicely over it, but nobody likes to be told that they're the least likely person, and I'd like to think that him having to tell her about that being why he asked her to dance makes him think about it for a moment at least.
Laura dealt with the whole thing so well - I could tell that she was disappointed in a way, but she's just so nice. I mean, don't get me wrong, she's certainly not a pushover, but she's really understanding and selfless, and it's really good to see a protagonist who's like that.
I felt so sorry for her having to deal with Bea all the time, though - she's a bit of a handful, isn't she? But Laura is so good at dealing with her. I kind of have a soft spot for Bea's character. There are some behaviours that remind me of people on the autistic spectrum, and I think it's quite interesting that, combined with magic, that could be quite a dangerous combination. It's no wonder that so few people understand her, either, particularly back in the 1970s.
Lily and Lance! I don't think James will be too impressed about that :P
Elvira is a piece of work - I don't know why she thinks she has the right to go around demanding to know about people's private business, but it's annoying. I'm with the girls - I'd love to see Laura string her on about it for a while, and just waste her time.
I really liked the insight into Laura's home life, and I'm so impressed by all the detail that you've packed into the Muggle aspects of her life, so that it's really accurate. I love the fact that her mum has tried to keep her in tune with the Muggle world, since I think that's often forgotten in fanfiction. The mentions of rugby and music and Doctor Who all make me smile.
Laura's relationship with her mum is pretty sweet, and it's obvious that her mum trusts her and thinks she's quite mature, which means a lot - it must be hard on both of them, though, with them spending so much of the year away from each other. And it was great to see Bea deciding to teach Laura all those little spells she's invented, even if it was only because she was bored!
Of course James would ramp up his attacks on Severus now that he's the one taking Lily to the ball. He kind of reminds me of Ron when he's jealous, though slightly less grumpy :P
I'm really enjoying seeing the way that you portray the rivalry between James and Severus in this story, actually. I think it's really clear at this point that there's an intense dislike on both sides, and the way that James is quite happy to hex Snape all the time ties in to what we know of him when he was younger, for sure. I'm not a big fan of Snape, but I'm not sure that what James does here is really justified. After all, Lily has the right to make her own choice.
I loved the way that you portrayed Lily in this chapter, though - I think she's so often portrayed as saintly, and so much better than James, but here we see her hexing him because she feels like it and I think this way their personalities are a lot more compatible than they're often portrayed.
I don't normally go in for detailed descriptions of clothes, but I really enjoyed that scene here. It feels right since Laura's of the age where she'd still be so excited about the Yule Ball, and there's the exciting novelty of getting ready with the other girls in her dormitory. It was lovely to see the way that the girls are all helping each other to get ready and that enthusiasm and anticipation really pervades the dormitory.
Laura's so likeable, and I really like the way that she doesn't resent James and Sirius, but has just accepted that's who they are and that they're slightly ridiculous and arrogant at times, even if they're impressive - apparently Hector isn't quite there yet :P
I have quite a lot of feels about the ending of this chapter, but I'll move onto that when I read on to the next one!
I really enjoyed the way that you built up the anticipation for the Yule Ball when it was announced, and the way that the feverish excitement spread through the students. It must be such a nice difference from the stress of the war that's constantly hanging over them.
James, honestly - what terrible timing that poor boy has! It kind of makes me laugh a bit that he's so eager to impress her but he can't do the joined-up thinking to work out that hexing people and being childish and immature right in front of her won't work.
Poor James :P
I really like the way that we're learning more about Laura, too, through all of the events that happen around her. She's really observant and so good at reading other people around her - even though she doesn't know Charlotte that well, she knows enough to realise that Charlotte really likes Remus, too. I felt sorry for Charlotte here, but I liked the way that you weaved in all the details from canon, like the fact that Snape and Mulciber had been making snide comments about Lupin being ill.
I would definitely have been in the group of friends with Laura and Mary, but I'm glad that they got dates to the ball and they didn't have to worry about that aspect of it. At least this way they can look forward to the Ball without worrying they'll stand out for the wrong reasons.
The story about Martha and Sirius's fan club really made me laugh, but it must be a nightmare for him and any girl he wants to date. The idea of a guy having a fan club at school is kind of strange, but I suspect that's because the magical element makes them far more capable of revenge. I liked seeing Lily and Charlotte getting even for Martha.
The Slug Club made me smile - I like the way that you used canon for the story, but we got a glimpse of it through Laura's eyes, even though it's not something she'd be invited to. It's no wonder that the Slug Club parties become fabled, is it?
Ooh, I know this is the version you're most pleased with, and I really like the way that you've changed this up. Opening with the news about Lenny Dodderidge going missing at the start of the chapter was really effective, because it pulled us right in to the story again. It was good to see the way that the war is affecting the students at Hogwarts, too, even if they're comparatively safe there. It's so horrible to think of older students practising like that on the younger children who are more vulnerable, but it really doesn't surprise me. Particularly because the war is obviously happening pretty openly at this point, and a lot of older students are imagining their lives after school in terms of war.
I really wonder whether Dumbledore is always entirely wise in being so lenient with the future Death Eaters like this, but I'm not sure whether he's got another choice - if he expels them from the school, they'll just join the ranks of Death Eaters even earlier.
Having said that, I think you do a really good job of balancing the war that's permeating the whole atmosphere here with the everyday life at school - the rivalries and the flirting and the schoolwork. We get a real sense of what this time period and the world is like, but at the same time life goes on, and we can see that with the gossip and chatting about Bea and all her irritations.
Can I just say I love the way that you capture Bea's character with how angry she is about Damocles Belby - THE Damocles Belby - beating her in potions?
I love seeing Laura's perspective on the characters that we know so well here, too, and I'm really enjoying this!
I've been promising for quite a while that I'd read and review the updated version of this, so here I finally am!
I love Laura as a character so, so much. I think one thing that's made her such an enduring character - and made this story so enduring and popular - is that Laura doesn't fall into the some of the more standard tropes of original characters in stories like this one. I think one thing that I find really endearing about her is that she's not horribly insecure (though she has aspects that she's not overly confident about) but she's pretty self-aware and accepting of the status quo, and doesn't expect that her place in the school order will change. It's really interesting to read a character who's so down-to-earth and matter-of-fact. I guess it makes her seem quite mature for her age in that respect, too, because she's already started to realise some of the most important things.
I loved some of the details that you've included in this chapter that I don't remember from the original - like Bea being a hardcore Queen and Freddie Mercury fan, and Remus being part-Welsh. Those little bits really help to give us such a sense of the time period and Laura's background, as well as the others in her year.
I really liked reading the friendship between Mary and Laura here, and the way that they're not afraid to challenge the Marauders, even if they know there'll be recompense for it. The dialogue felt really natural, too, and I enjoyed reading the scenes between the girls, when we find out about Martha and Sirius and Dione.
This was a great opening chapter, and you're such a wonderful writer - I'm going to have to come back and take tips!
What is so gorgeous about your writing is your little details! This is the opening chapter and every time you introduce a character, you slide them into the story one by one so it's not too overwhelming but each one is given this interesting and detailed back story so how they fit into Laura's world. I think my favourite is Mary like I love what you've done with her accent, it's not something we see in a lot of stories but you've got the extra mile with her characterisation I approve. The general praise around Laura as a character is how down to the earth that she is and how she doesn't fall into these OC tropes and I totally agree here with her introduction is perfect. I like her thought process as her awareness of others around her.
Another that I really adore about your writing is your talent for dialogue, you create easy and believable interaction in this chapter particular well between Laura and Mary discussing the perfect near the start of the chapter. It's realistic conversation and introduces the other characters to the reader through their eyes. I do like how you've created two groups of gryffindor girls but not gone for the other group being 'bitchy' 'horrible' group but just different to Laura and Mary. You haven't set up a 'us' against 'them' vibe which I do like.
It's such a strong set up for your characters and I'm looking forward to getting to know these character again properly and hopefully at some point leave a few more reviews too!
- Abbi xo
So I know that once upon a time I read and reviewed a good portion of this story but I decided to give this story a re-read and give you a new review!
First thing I should mention, I love your characterization. Each person has been given a really good introduction into the story that gives me a great idea of what they are going to be like and what roles they will have in the story. I also love how you've already shown character depth and changes from them growing up. In particular you can see this with Martha and Sirius' relationship. You already show them going from misunderstandings about the others character to a much better idea that they are not the person they thought that the other was. And now that they have put those differences aside (as well as a meddling mother) they have become an item. Of course it doesn't seem like they are too interested in learning more about the other but rather the physical aspects of a relationship but I feel like during this age thats slightly to be expected as they get to know these new emotions.
The whole chapter has a really good set up for the story. I feel like I'm already beginning to understand the characters and the situations they have been in the past even though this is only chapter one. I can already tell that I'm going to hate Dione and that she is going to cause some problems for our friends in future chapters.
I did notice one small error in this chapter, and it really is small. In this very last paragraph where you mention that Martha and Sirius are a couple, it says "that she Sirius were an item." I do believe that you are missing the word and there. But other than that I found nothing else out of the ordinary or that broke up the flow of the chapter.
I can't wait to see what the rest of the story has to bring to the table. I feel so bad that it has been so long since I've read this story (and I know that I didn't finish it the first go around) but I've heard so many great things about this story. And if the rest of the chapters are much like this one, I can definitely see why this story has gotten so much hype. Great job.
So I've actually read this a couple of times, but I don't think I ever got the chance to leave a review which is a shame because it deserves all the reviews.
Laura seems like a lovely girl, someone who's genuinely nice. I like how you've made her a little on the quiet and not necessarily popular side (though not unpopular) without wandering into the social pariah territory or the unpopular-but-actually-popular territory - not that there's anything wrong with those, it's just nice to see someone who is in between. In a similar vein, I like that there isn't a huge rivalry that splits the dormitory in two and it's just a simple case of Laura and Mary preferring to be a duo and the other girls naturally gravitating to each other.
It's interesting to see the Marauders through her eyes too. There's a nice balance between properly introducing the reader to them and showing that Laura isn't necessarily one of them. Honestly, they do seem like the school sweethearts e.g. James with his charm and pretty boy looks, even if he is less than smooth when it comes to Lily.
All in all, this is a nice introductory chapter. We get a good look at the characters and the general atmosphere with a little mini-cliffhanger at the end to keep us going.
Hey, mel! Though I've been meaning to read this anyway, I'm here for MAGIC!
First of all, I really like the fact that the main character, Laura, (from the moment she arrived at Hogwarts) had been stigmatized as a copy of her older sister (as she goes on to say, she disproved). I also really dig that Bea is socially inept, exceptionally intelligent, and hex-happy all wrapped up into one strange ball of a person.
Laura seems a bit more well-adjusted.
You weaved a whole lot of character points into the beginning, and I almost didn't notice. Of course, I'm saying this as a compliment because I've read many stories that have large sections of info dump. You, however, have managed to bring Laura to life, dish out information on Bea, give background on Mary McDonald, told us that Lily talks back to teachers (but only certain teachers), shown that Remus was the most responsible of the Marauders, revealed that Peter has no leadership qualities, and said that Sirius and James are often in detention without information dumping. I'm impressed.
Also, I like that Lily talks back to Slughorn. She seems firey.
Mary hexing the Marauders is pretty epic. Unfortunately for her, also not the best of moves (though Sirius seems to be displaying a good bout of sportsmanship).
I also enjoy the nod to direct canon where Martha is asking Lily what she even sees in Snape (the very point Lily makes when they're arguing after the Mudblood incident). James' obsession with both Lily and Snape (for different reasons, of course) is nicely illustrated here, and his urge to hex Snape is even shot down by Sirius, though the best friend mode does kick back in with his advice on, "at least make sure she doesn't know it's you".
I enjoy the idea that Sirius and Martha started off as enemies, and found it amusing that upon reaching whatever middle-ground they may have discovered, chose to flirt/snog at any free opportunity. Laura and Mary must be having a good laugh about it. I think I especially favor that it was Martha's parents who had straightened her out about Sirius (though I'm not entirely convinced that he hadn't deserved to be hexed or sent to the hospital wing at least some of the times).
I also enjoyed the presence of a potential 'enemy' made known (Dione), and that Martha had become targeted out due to her relationship with Sirius.
There's SO much happening in this first chapter, and it's all so good! I'm extremely interested in seeing where this is headed next!
Until next time,
*Transferred from HPFF*
This is a great introductory chapter. Laura, the protagonist, is off to Hogwarts at the beginning of the school year with her sister, Beatrice. Her sister is starting 7th year and Laura describes herself as two-and-a-half years' younger, so I'm guessing she's a fourth year? It's quite interesting that this story begins in fourth year; usually authors cut straight to the chase and shove us into 6th or 7th year, where the teenage action really hots up. It's a refreshing idea to begin earlier, to be honest.
I love Beatrice's description, and we learn more about her in this chapter than we do about the protagonist. Beatrice sounds like a few people I know; incredibly intelligent and competitive, but socially awkward and unpopular as a result. I wonder if she's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum?
Laura doesn't seem to have much regard for herself when it comes to physical appearance. I did have to laugh at the sentence where strange behaviour at primary school and in muggle society was attributed to being Welsh and from the country!! The poor Welsh (and country folk).
There's so much going on in this chapter, especially with the introduction of so many characters, but you manage this really well, bringing in a few original characters, and the marauders. Poor Peter - he never seems to fare well in fanfiction :(
I struggled a bit to read Mary Mcdonald's dialogue to begin with, but as I got used to it, it became easier.
I can't wait to see where the story goes!
Hey Mel! I had a bit of free time with summer starting so I thought I'd transfer some of my CTF reviews :)
So I've admired this since I first read your work and what I love the most is your writing style. It is so distinct, but at the same time it reads as so normal? I don't think that's coming out right, but I mean that as a really sincere compliment. The way you write is just so you and so distinct to this type of story that it would feel wrong if it were written any other way. The first person extremely detailed inner monologues that give us backstory normally feels kinda clunky and too much for me, but it coupled with what we get of Laura's personality works amazingly together to give this really tight, concise feeling to it.
Gosh, everything is just so wonderfully normal in this story and I definitely know now that I'm not saying this right. But what I mean is you drop us right into the normal, everyday life of these characters and make the reader fill in the blanks for themselves. Even with the detail backstory type stuff we get from Laura, the characters' actions show us more than narration could ever tell us. Your characters are real people with real feelings and real reactions to things. It makes me feel like I'm really inside the story.
I think you know how I feel about this story, but still, I absolutely am in love!
About time I came to check out this story of yours, wasn't it? For a Marauder lover like me, it's scandalous I didn't stop by sooner... anyway...
I loved this first chapter! I loved your OCs and the way they add to the usual Marauders' crowd. :) I like Laura as the main character, an average girl, without any strong connection with the more popular characters but who fits really well in the environment, I also loved the details about her family and especially her sister. Gotta love these awkward Ravenclaws :P
Your take on the characters we already know was so very interesting as well! I love the idea of Lily talking back to the teachers! I like that she has a rebellious side and isn't always perfect (I admit that I tende to fall in that trap a lot in my writing...)
And the mention of the silence after Sirius' sorting! In one of my stories I described it just like that, 100% my headcanon, loved it!!!
And talking about Sirius... oh, Merlin, he and James are so much fun! I loved every single line! Siriusly! Especially when they were talking about Sniv- erm... I mean Severus... :P
I can't copy and paste on my phone, so I won't quote, but when James said that not hexing Snape for an entire double Potions was a huge ask I laughted out loud! Oh, and can I also say how much I appreciated that you actually made Peter interact in their exchange? I have a (probably insane) fondness for his character so I'm always glad when I see he's not completely left out of the picture. :)
Martha's story about Sirius was interesting. I can see why it would be such a big deal for him, knowing what his family is like and how things will go... I'm glad she saw that she was wrong. I doubt their story will actually go anywhere, but that's not what matters, right?
Sorry if this review is a bit disconnected and if I missed out on a lot of important things (which I'm absolutely sure I did) Hope the message passed that I loved this, though!
Thanks for the great read!
Mel!! I'm finally here! I've been dying to read this, and I thought our swap would be a wonderful opportunity to get started. :)
I almost forgot to review this, because I was so eager to press the Next button, and continue on to the following chapter haha. I really love Laura's voice. For being told in first person, this is amazing descriptive, which I know is hard to do from such a limited perspective. The portrayal of the Marauders so far is spot on. Like exactly how I would imagine them. And I adore that Mary seems to be a main character in this. I'm quite partial to Mary and love seeing her in stories.
It's really refreshing to see that Laura is just this average girl. She's not overly popular, brilliant or anything, so that makes her really relatable. She's funny and seems very sweet. It's a joy being in her head.
I really enjoyed the part at breakfast when Lily's friends were questioning her about Severus. I imagine she was asked about that friendship quite often during her time at school, and her blush made me wonder if perhaps she did harbor slight feelings for him. And of course James wouldn't have been able to keep himself from messing with Severus the entire lesson haha.
Hmm... so Sirius now has a girlfriend who isn't the main character. And it's not like Laura seems very interested in him at this point anyway. Yeah, she thinks he's attractive, but she doesn't come off as attracted to him. I'm very intrigued to see how this progresses and how things change between them.
This sister Beatrice seems like a real piece of work. I'm hoping we see her pop up in this story more. I love offbeat people. They're always the most interesting.
I really enjoyed this first chapter. There were a lot of characters introduced, but it never felt overwhelming or cluttered. Everything flowed really naturally, and Laura is a great narrator. It's pretty addicting, like I cannot wait to keep reading this. I can easily see how this story became as popular as it did. Your writing is fantastic. :)
Thabks so much for doing the swap! I'm super excited to finally get to this story, and I will 110% be back!
Love and hugs,
Ah, levicorpus makes its appearance. The trousers, shorts, and belts thing makes so much sense. The risk of being exposed by the spell would have been high if you weren't prepared (much like James being one of the guinea pigs). Lily telling her dorm mates and the entire school knowing in turn within a couple weeks does seem like the way things work in high school! And like you said in a response, I'm also not exactly a Snape fan so him being upset by everybody knowing his spell and thinking it was funny made me laugh. Also, it seemed very in character.
Remus and Laura? She totally has a crush on him and I can see why. He seems so sweet. Even if he does disturb the Astronomy classes by laughing with the others about Sirius and the description of Canis Major.
We finally get to what happens to Mary and... ugh. I have always thought it was some sort of physical injury but the Imperius Curse also works so perfectly. Trying to get her to hurt first years? He's going to earn whatever end comes to him isn't he?
Yes, Levicorpus makes its appearance. Based on what Lupin said in whichever book it was (memory is a little hazy), you couldn't go anywhere for a while without being hoisted upside down by one leg, so it had to happen sometime, right? I'm glad you liked Snape's reaction to it - part of what made him so mad in the Snape's Worst Memory scene, in my opinion, is the fact James Potter used his own spell to humiliate him.
As for Remus, well maybe she does have a crush on him and maybe she doesn't. It's funny - in the older version she overthought this completely, but it seemed out of place so I took that bit out. But yeah, he's a nice guy. I'll leave it there, shall I? *evil grin*
With Mary, I had all sorts of trouble thinking of something Mulciber could have tried to do. Because that was the wording - "what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day" - which means he wasn't successful. Whatever it was must have been heinous, though, for Lily to have that reaction, don't you think? Especially considering her use of Mary's full name suggests they weren't all that close - if they were besties it would have just been "Mary" and Snape would have known who she was talking about, right? At least that's my reading of it. Major physical injury is certainly possible, but as you can see I went with the Imperius Curse, not because of the curse itself but because of what he could have made her do. Glad you liked it!
(PS typing this on a computer rather than my phone so if formatting is wonky it's because I'm out of practice using this form with a real keyboard. Sorry!)
Not knowing how to study and being used to floating by, only to struggle when it was necessary speaks to me on a personal level. I think (hope?) I had more social skills than Bea, but that part is so me so I can sympathize with her.
I love the assortment of jobs they discuss. You hit a lot that I have not seen before or if I have it is very rarely. (I have somebody who wants to go into magical archaeology in my novel, so I feel kinship over that one.) The part where McGonagall mentioned that everybody seems to want to be an Auror was so spot on, especially in fan fiction, that it made me giggle. It seems like every Marauder-era student/Weasley/random Gryffindor/Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw wants to be an Auror because a) it sounds cool and b) Harry/Moody/Tonks so that was nice. It also is fitting to have a couple of 15 or 16 year old kids not know what they want to be. That is so true to real life that I find it more plausible than them all having clear visions of what they want to do from... oh, 18 to retirement. (How old would wizards retire at? Do they have benfits, pensions, etc? Social security benefits? How does their health and aging tie in? <- Tangent.)
I think there are a lot of people who can sympathise with Bea in this chapter. Sailing through and then not knowing how to study when the going gets tougher is remarkably common, I find. But it's nice for the Lauras of this world who are then able to catch up because they actually do know how. 😁
I'm glad you liked the careers conversation because it's extraordinarily difficult to come up with wizarding jobs. I think those few paragraphs took literally hours to write. I got some from JKR but most of them were from my head, and it gave me head spins. So I'm very glad you appreciate all that effort!
And yeah, everyone in fanfic wants to be an Auror. It's the glamour job for wizards, I suppose, especially when there's a war on. Laura would make a terrible Auror, so it's nice to see she realises that. But yes, there's something unrealistic about 15 and 16 year olds knowing exactly what they want to do with their lives. Sure, some do, but not all. Thanks for the review! d84;
Sirius running away is great to read about. The fact that he kept it to himself and his friends protected him from questions seems to sum up the Marauders' treatment of each other well. It also adds complexity to a character who could otherwise be seen as a bit of a playboy who loves risk-taking and doesn't have a care in the world. It makes him seem very human.
And, of course, the furry little problem. I love the fact that people seemed to think there was a literal rabbit and that - at least Laura and some others - didn't believe it was just an excuse.
I don't think I have ever read a character quite like Beatrice before. She seems to always be up to something that causes trouble, with her spells and experiments, but none of it seem malicious for the sake of being cruel like - shall we say - sectumsempra. Her shenanigans have all the same noise and flare that the things the Marauders get up to have, but the intentions are different. It certainly poses a unique problem for the protagonist to deal with, which after reading fan fiction for a dozen years, is a pleasant surprise.
These chapters are long, but they don't seem to take much time at all to get through. They are so engrossing. I can't believe we're already coming up on spring of 5th year!
Ah, Beatrice. She's a personal favourite of mine and character gold in so many ways. Nowadays she'd be diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum and receive all the associated support, and Laura would at least understand why Bea is the way she is. Medication could even moderate her behaviour. In the 70s, though, that sort of thing just wasn't known about, so people were left to muddle through on their own. Bea of course is perfectly happy and has no concept of how her behaviour impacts on Laura's life ... and thus is the perfect reason for my heroine to fade into the background in the first 5 years of her schooling. I knew a Bea, and a Laura, in that sense, when I was much younger. My Laura got away from my Bea by changing schools, but naturally this Laura doesn't have that option.
I do appreciate though that a character like Bea doesn't turn up in too many fanfics. And I'm kind of happy about that. 😉
Right. The rest of this chapter. I don't see Sirius as someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, and I also see him as insecure and unsure in his own way. He covers this up very well, but yeah, that's my reading of him. So he wouldn't want the whole school to know the circumstances in which he left home, at least until he's had time to process it all himself. Glad you liked that!
And the furry little problem? According to Lupin, people did believe that, so why not Laura and co?
The Yule Ball may be a bit of a cliche, as you said in the end of your last chapter, but there is a reason for that. It has the potential to provide so much drama and romance that the deviation from canon can be forgiven. Also, like you said, it is possible that things had changed at Hogwarts in the 20 years between when Harry's parents were at school and when Harry was at school to account for some differences. (And when things contribute to the story with gems like James and Severus Snape having even more reasons to go after each other a little bending of what we know as canon is excusable in my mind!)
I like how you have characterized Lily. She cares about how she looks and isn't afraid to break the rules at times, so she seems like more than a Hermione-wannabe. This does her much more justice than that. I always appreciate stories that make her more than a shrill goody-two-shoes who has a complete change of heart in 7th year.
Poor Peter, always the one trailing behind and left out. I hope to see him treated a bit better by his friends soon (as for him with his date, I don't think there's a chance of improvement there!).
I really liked this line: "These potions are hard enough to get right even without them trying to curse each other into oblivion every lesson." It almost sounds like how all the students in Harry's year must have struggled to accomplish things every year with the trio involved in so many dramatic things!
You know, I never thought what it must have been like for the others in Harry's year, just trying to do their schoolwork while all that was raging around them. Excellent point! But yes, I do think the constant one-upmanship between James and Severus would have been a pain to try to study through, don't you?
As for Lily, well I get very frustrated with fics that make her a straight-laced, prim and proper shrew. Honestly, with what we know of James Potter, would he fall for someone like that? I actually cover this a bit later in the story (alright, a lot later) buy yes, that's why I characterised Lily like I did.
And thank you for being understanding about the ball. I tried everything I could think of to get around it, but Sluggy's Christmas party just wouldn't work for me in the same way. So I choose to think of the ball as extra-canon, rather than non-canon. 😉
I said in my previous review that I appreciate when the war makes a significant appearance in stories about the Marauders' time at Hogwarts so this chapter was right up my alley. The fact that Avery plays a big role made me smile because he was the Slytherin of choice I use in my story. Kudos for his name, by the way - Charon does seem like a name a pureblood family would use. His character seemed spot on, down to not being brace enough to use the Cruciatus Curse on somebody his age. Sadly, him not being expelled also seems to fit with Dumbledore as we know him as a man who wants to reform students (hello, Draco Malloy!).
The Marauders taking on Avery to defend other students was a great scene, for both them and the other Slytherins. It really showed what they were willing to do morally on both sides. Bringing back the non-verbal spells talent from chapter one in the second confrontation was a nice touch. Also, Sirius's comment about his mum made me laugh. The double prank in this chapter was very Marauder, something I struggle with maintaining and coming up with ideas for in my writing.
Nice little mention of a potioneering Belby.
The end part gave me the creeps. The Snape/Lily relationship is so unbalanced and the girls are right, he totally didn't have a sense of what she appreciated or stood for. Ugh.
So wow. You picked up on both Avery's first name and Damocles Belby, which no one has done before (or if they have they haven't told me). I had so much fun naming the Slytherins in this story - or at least the main ones - but only one person has ever commented before, though that was for a different character. As for Belby, well we have so little canon for this era that throwing in a name like that which might be from then, like this one, is good to use.
The Marauders' treatment of Avery is I think key to them as a group. Happy to muck around, so long as people didn't get too badly hurt (though there are some notable exceptions which are dealt with later), but with a very keen sense of right and wrong. Again, this gets covered later, but I quite like the contrast in this chapter between their actions and those of Snape.
Speaking of Snape, do I get the impression you're not a fan? I have a very decided opinion of his love for Lily, and it's not a favourable one. I did try to be fair to him in this story, but it probably comes out every now and then.
Thanks again for having a look!
Hello! Here with another holiday review.
First of all, I am a big fan of Marauder era stories that don't start in 7th year and that have complex characterizations of our canon people who are all too often turned into two dimensional people. From what I have seen so far, you are doing that. Lily and James aren't at each other's throats, Sirius can take an apology and has principles, etc. I also like the diversity in your OC and minor canon characters... Ravenclaws who can be bullies, different numbers of boys and girls in a year, two groups, Lily not being BFFs with the POV character, etc. This really helps make everything feel more real to me.
I am curious to see exactly how far you take this story and how fast it progresses. I love a good slow burn and the integration of war (my main WIP involves those too) and this has potential. I'm really curious about how we are going to get from here to the Mudblood incident and beyond (I'm assuming, based on what you've said in the AN).
Onto the next chapter!
Rebecca! Thanks so much for dropping by and checking my story out. I don't know you well but I'm getting the impression you're as much a Marauder and canon nerd as I am, so I can tell we're going to get along great. d84;
Anyway, to answer your question this fic covers the last 3 years of the Marauders' schooling, so it goes from September 1975 to June 1978. And then there's an epilogue after that. If you like slow burn and authors not forgetting there's a war on then this is probably a good fit for you, assuming you like how I interpret that of course! But yeah, those are definitely 2 key elements of this fic. 😁
As for characterisation, well that's a big thing for me. To frame this as a coming of age story means both characterisation and character development are very important. With canon characters I took what I could from the text and expanded from that; with OCS there are of course elements of people I know, some to a greater degree than others. But yeah, I don't like two dimensional characterisation any more than you do.
Thanks again, and I hope you keep reading.