Reviews For you should see me in a crown


Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 11 Jun 2020 04:40 AM · For: wait 'til the world is mine

Kris!! Back for our long swap. <3

 

I know I'm starting at the end, but I love that final line!

 

I'm really enjoying seeing this family dynamic play out. You've written it so realistically, the conflict, and power plays, the sniping, all done in such a proud, haughty manner, all the things that aren't being said underneath the things that are. Bella's reaction to Walburga's reaction about Andromeda is super interesting, but Bella is a conniving one. I love this cool aloofness Narcissa has, I'm really into her character.

 

I enjoyed that we got to see Walburga's act of blasting Andromeda off the tapestry, such an iconic image from Grimmauld Place.

 

I think I really like Arcturus? IDK, just the way he interacts with Narcissa, like he's still all about the things that Orion and Walburga are about, the family and everything, but he's so much more respectful with her about it, if that makes sense? And maybe it's just that he's more sneaky, so who knows yet, but he's not like trying to manhandle Narcissa into a marriage she doesn't want, he's just like, "We both know what's needed for the family, and consider that you could do worse than to make this alliance." She seems to give him some credit, anyway.

 

I couldn't tell exactly who the "he" was who sold the manor to the Malfoys, but I gathered that means what we know as Malfoy Manor once belonged to the Blacks? Which is so interesting and adds another layer to Narcissa's motive for marrying Lucius eventually.

 

Even while Narcissa is acting very much as an observer here, she's so complex. I get the feeling that she's always thinking, always judging, and I love it.

 

Can't wait for more!!

 

Melanie



Name: shadowycorner (Signed) · Date: 10 Jun 2020 08:10 PM · For: wait 'til the world is mine

Brilliant. This is so good. I love your writing. Every line, I swear. Narcissa's thoughts flow so delicately yet they're sharp like a blade. And the family drama, the plot thickening...I do really want more more more and really fast.

It's a cool twist having Narcissa being so close to Sirius' parents through circumstance, having her parents run off to Russia. And the malfoys are french! Of course...because of the name! And influential, and Narcissa's about to play with fire, but so what because she's already established herself as really and properly strong and I love that, i love the power that comes off her as she narrates the story, and the hunger for more.

Her actions are subtle, but there is nerve and boldness in her. I want to know everything about this Narcissa and can't wait to find out.

Arcturus is also an interesting character, and drunk Walburga lol, and then narcissa thinking of what a cataclysm it will be if Bellatrix and Andromeda will ever stand off against each other.

This is built up of so many interesting I-want-to-know-more elements, I now demand humbly ask you to write more of this pleaaaase!

 

Eli june rvg + swap)



Name: shadowycorner (Signed) · Date: 10 Jun 2020 07:59 PM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

*sputters*

this was such a marvellous beginning, oh my, i feel the need to siiiigh

your entire take on Narcissa just has me fluttering, i loved this! she was always an interesting character but you really took that further...the concern she showed for Andromeda AND Sirius...I was like, whoa, but Narcissa always cared so deeply about family that she wasn't afraid to lie to Voldemort's face, so this all makes perfect sense.

The meeting with Gideon, oooooh I adore any involvement of the Prewett brothers. Gosh, that was so exciting how she asked him to keep them safe.

I also loved the family dinner....the Black family aesthetic is so lit...a grand pureblood family with a golden history and very threadbare future...I loved how you managed to involve so many of them round one dinner table and make them all stand out in their own little way

The description of the tomb just had my eyes glittering, that was such a pleasure to read

Can't wait to read more about what Narcissa does to get what she wants...plus also it will be fun finding out what it is that she wants

Eli (june rvg and swap)



Name: firewhiskey_ginger (Signed) · Date: 04 Jun 2020 08:20 PM · For: wait 'til the world is mine

Oooooohohoho, I was wondering how/if Lucius would come into play here. I cannot say enough how much I love your Narcissa. The scenes with her family are so enjoyable to read, and each character seems more despicable than the last. I love that you've chosen to make her a silent bystander in these scenes--not only does it make her seem more watchful and calculating, but it sets her apart from the others and gives us an opportunity to learn more about her family.

 

I absolutely love her relationship with Arcturus and how she knows that he likes to be questioned. I laughed out loud when he called the Malfoys "the French."

 

Really lovely writing.  The way you set the scenes and the tones is fantastic, and your dialogue is SO good. Another great chapter. Can't wait to read the next!



Name: Aphoride (Signed) · Date: 25 May 2020 06:28 PM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

Hey there, Kris! Dropping by for our review swap! :) 

 

Ahhhhhh this story is so exciting! It's all the things I love, haha: dark, dangerous characters; a deliciously dark, twisty kind of plot; the immortal stabby-stab :P And the Blacks! I love the way you portray them so clearly as a group of people who are so fallen from grace. There's this real sense around them all that they used to be rich, used to be powerful, and now? now they're just addicts and gamblers, people who still act like they have everything they used to have when they don't, and it just doesn't work. It's all faded glamour and faded riches and I lovelovelove that sense of it - it's almost Dickensian in a way and I love that :) 

 

They're all so interesting, too, the Blacks: the way Andromeda is so angry and upset about the loss of the manor; the way Alphard is a bit too reckless, too headstrong - and I loved the comparison of him with Bellatrix, where Bellatrix is cruel but Alphard is perhaps almost as much of a wildcard and that makes me super curious to see what you do with him. Arcturus seems to be so cold and so ruthless - planning to get rid of his own son is a super, super harsh kind of thing to do, though I like that about him :P It makes him a fascinating character :P 

 

Narcissa is obviously the best, though, haha, and I love how knowing she is - how she keeps her cards so close to her chest - but I think my favourite thing about her so far is the loyalty she has to her family, even to Andromeda and Sirius, when there's not necessarily (especially in Sirius' case) all that much reason to protect them yet. But it's a great character trait and a trait that isn't always emphasised for Slytherins but I love that here :) 

 

The details in this are wonderful, and I love the way your writing really brings this to life: the details about the different characters of all the Black family members; the descriptions of the cigarettes and the spellwork - the whip spell is super cool; very Indiana Jones :P - the description of the cemetery was so so lovely and so elegantly creepy :P 

 

I'm so so curious to see where this all goes, yk? Orion is obviously 'in the way' and I'm so curious to see how that happens and when, and how that affects the balance of the rest of the family - Alphard's influence, maybe Bellatrix's; and what happens when Cygnus and Druella return from their trip around Russia (if, er, ever?). I know it's a bit of a side-note but I'm kinda curious to see what if anything happens when Narcissa has to deal with the whole problem of Orion donating money to Riddle - will she simply stop donating? What will Riddle want instead - because I can't imagine he won't want anything? And how, how will Lucius come into this whole thing? Narcissa's relationship with Gideon makes that even more interesting, because even if they don't have a serious relationship, there's something there - or was - and I'm so curious to see how that will be affected by Lucius coming into the frame :P 

 

Ahhhh such an exciting beginning - I'll have to be back :) 

 

Laura xx



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 02 May 2020 02:40 AM · For: wait 'til the world is mine

Hey Kris!

 

Omg omg omg. That opening scene was just so good. Your writing of Walburga was just perfect. I don't think I've actually read many stories of her as a person and not a portrait, but I could definitely recognise that this is the woman who will become that portrait, you did a really great job at her characterisation--I also loved that we got to see her actually blast someone off the tapestry! And her and Orion are so controlling but with no idea that they aren't really the ones in power. So I kind of love to see them flounder a little bit. I hate that they're treating the girls like 'broodmares' as Narcissa puts it, but it's also very Black-like. Speaking of, I loved this line and I think it captures the early Black family perfectly: "Slowly, I climb the staircase, past the row of shrunken house elf heads, the sight a gruesome reminder of how madness can seep into tradition,"

 

Also kudos for Andromeda for getting out and being with the man she loves. I adore that woman. But I just appreciate it more when I get to see what it is she actually left behind.

 

Omg okay. I'm absolutely loving where this story is going. If this is actually going to be about Narcissa and Lucius' relationship then I am absolutely here for it. Especially when, as we know them in the books, it seems that Lucius is the one with the power and Narcissa is not, so I already love this reversal. I seriously can't wait to see where you take the rest of this story, and how the other politics pan out because that's a really interesting take that I'd love to see more of. You thrive in these dark, power-play stories, Kris! 



Name: mymischiefmanaged (Signed) · Date: 30 Apr 2020 08:09 PM · For: wait 'til the world is mine

Hey! So excited you wanted to swap because I've been meaning to come back to this wonderful story. 

I love the twist that Andromeda was engaged to a Nott (Theo's father I'm guessing?) and so her running away is even more shocking to the family than it might otherwise be. You do this wonderful thing where you use a few sentences to describe a minor character and I immediately wish you'd write a whole novel about them so I could learn more.

It's interesting seeing Bella's dynamic with the rest of her family. I suppose I always assumed her relatives would agree with her passion and general evilness, but it makes sense that they're a little shocked by how forceful she is with her opinions. We always see her as Voldemort's most trusted/important supporter so it's realistic that her views might be a bit strong even for her very prejudiced family.

Poor Kreacher. How sad that in the future he betrays Sirius for these people who have always been so unkind to him.

That ending! I'm interested by Arcturus. He seems quite different to the rest of the Blacks. Maybe he's just a bit smarter? I like the way he talks to Narcissa like they're equals and co-conspirators, rather than giving her instructions about how to behave. I love her reaction to the suggestion that she seduces Malfoy. She seems to take it as a bit of a challenge rather than feeling worried or offended.

Can't wait to see what you have in mind for this story in the future! Let me know if you'd like to swap again when you next update <3 

Emma xx



Name: you-make-me-wander (Signed) · Date: 26 Apr 2020 03:24 PM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

Hi Kris. Here for your requested review!


I've heard quite a bit about this story, and I'll be honest. This is my first Lucius/Narcissa story, so I'm kind of curious to see what you've come up with.


Narcissa has always intrigued me as a character, and although this is just the first chapter of the story, I'm enjoying how calculating you're portraying her. She's observant enough to know and easily identify everyone's opinion on the house being sold, and yet clever enough not to comment on it or show her hand (which is such a Slytherin thing to do btw xD). Also, I wonder if she's Arcturus' favorite, or whether he just realizes her potential and that's why he went to her.


The scene with Gideon conveys such power! While Gideon is obviously a pawn to her (even if one that has given her some good times *wink wink*), I cannot wait to see the power play between her and Lucius.


While Narcissa is starting to look like the feminist queen I didn't know I needed her to be, it's clear that she values the ties she has for those she holds dear, like Andromeda and Sirius. And while it might seem soft and sweet, she took great risk in asking Gideon to ensure their protection, so I wanna know how that will pan out.


The ending got me thinking what Narcissa has up her sleeve, and if it's part of hers and Arcturus' game, or if it's one that's completely her own, so great way to leave me hanging!


Last but not least, I couldn't not comment on your story summary. I love to pieces! and I have a feeling it's been aptly chosen for where the story is going.


Amazing start, Kris. Hope you'll come back for another review soon.


Susana    



Name: down-in-flames (Signed) · Date: 26 Apr 2020 02:35 AM · For: wait 'til the world is mine

hi kris, i’m here with a lil birthday review :) (technically a late birthday review since it’s definitely past midnight where you are, but you get the point, lol)

 

ugh, orion is annoying. i can tell why narcissa wants him dead, honestly. he is absolutely convinced that he’s the smartest person in the room and that he knows what’s best for the family and that he couldn’t ever possibly be outwitted by anyone - i’m in support of him getting put in his place somehow.

 

bella is… well, i definitely think you’ve nailed the whole unhinged aspect of her personality. she runs hot and cold over the course of just a few paragraphs, going from cursing walburga to sounding almost bored with everything just a few moments later. i’m low-key really excited for your take on her in the stabby fluff fic you’re working on - is that going to be part of this universe/series as well?

 

jash;falhg; orion referring to narcissa as ‘the spare’ makes me want to punch him in the face.

 

and arcturus is… better, but you can still kind of tell that he’s VERY firmly planted in this whole patriarchy thing and thinks narcissa needs to marry regardless. which is stupid, but checks out with what we know of pureblood society. even the ‘better’ ones are still kind of assholes, lol.

 

but the way you’ve brought the malfoys into things… i’m intrigued. they definitely have a fuck ton of power, which really sounds like it’s right up narcissa’s alley. she’s not really interested in marriage unless it comes with an increase in power, which is really just perfect for what we know of how singularly-minded she is as a character. power first, everything else second. :P

 

i’m hoping we’ll get to meet lucius soon, yeah? i’m really excited to see what you do with his character in this story.

 

-taylor



Name: mymischiefmanaged (Signed) · Date: 25 Apr 2020 03:05 PM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

Oh wow I feel like this is a story I didn't know I was looking for! I've never read a Narcissa fic before and your characterisation of her is wonderful. I feel like we know from canon that she's complex but we never really get to know her properly, so I'm excited to see how you approach her. This is so compelling. Also, your Gideon is gorgeous I want to see more of him please! Came here from review tag but genuinely adored this chapter so I'll be back I'm sure! I've added it to my favourites :) 



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 25 Apr 2020 09:55 AM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

Hi Kris! Hope you're well!

 

The Blacks. Yes. I love this already. I love the grim family affair with all these simmering power plays underneath. I loved that we got to see how careful and calculated Narcissa is before she even speaks, I think you wrote that beautifully. It was a scene that really sucked me in toward the end! This version of Narcissa, and this situation, has me desperate to find out what happens next!

 

I love the second scene even more! Your writing is as absolutely gorgeous as ever, and the description of the graveyard was just *chef's kiss* 

I also really enjoyed the contrast between such an old, traditional tomb with Narcissa's swearing and smoking. It jolted me in the best way possible because I became so wrapped up in picturing something Victorian gothic, when that's not actually the time we're in. Beautiful! And the plot just thickens more?! I'm enjoying this so much! I love this Narcissa! I've never seen her like this before! I know I shouldn't be surprised, since we know how fierce she is when it comes to protecting her family, but I don't think I've ever seen her in such power, and knowing how to use that power. I love seeing this secret-informer version of Gideon too, and would love to know the history behind how those two met!!!

 

Ooh, and the last scene was really interesting, too. I'd love to see more about how Narcissa and Andromeda's relatoinship develops, since Narcissa is so in-the-know about Order business. And if Narcissa really does have some ulterior motive about it all.

 

I personally don't think you have a lot to be concerned about! Consider my interest piqued, because I'd love to find out what happens next in the story, and where you plan on taking it. Narcissa isn't exactly what you'd call a likeable character, but she is in no way boring or awful to read about. She's sure of herself, and I love the power she has, and she makes for a stunning read. Who knows, maybe she has a soft spot hiding under all that armour!

 

Absolutely loved this, Kris! You writing is as lush as always, the content dark and unapologetic that I love from you so much. I can't wait to read more! Congratulations on placing in the challenge!



Name: firewhiskey_ginger (Signed) · Date: 24 Apr 2020 05:18 PM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

Okay, wow, wow, yeesh, WOW.

Your second sentence has me fully hooked already: "And in the ashes of war, in the roaring depth of wizardkind’s despair and fear, in the thunderstorm raging all around us, there is only one thing on my mind while the wheel turns and the pieces are being moved." I love love love the imagery here, especially "the roaring depth" and "pieces being moved." And then Orion's jarring statement, "I sold the manor," bringing us out of the narrator's reverie into the action.  It's such a great way to show the house of Black falling apart and your description of Grimmauld Place is so vivid.  Lovely, gripping introduction that really pulls the reader in to this chaotic war.

And the flicking of the cigarette on the table and Walburga's third glass of wine--you are so great with showing us things, instead of telling us.  Addiction may run in the family, or at least, times are hard enough that they have turned to substances and vices.  So good!

This, too, gives such an interesting glimpse into this family: "It seems that the Noble House of Black has a predilection towards madness and addiction, not necessarily exclusive to one another."  I love the idea of the attic being an opium den; this kind of chaotic, abysmal view of the family is so interesting. And even with the sheer number of characters in this scene, it seems like everyone has their own traits and characteristics. I love that the narrator has kept silent the entire time, biding her time and biting her tongue, and how calculating she is.

And then we get her first line! “If you think that Tom Riddle gives a fuck about blood purity in any other capacity than the excuse it gives him to rally fanatics to his supposed cause, then you are disgustingly deluded."  I love how real this is; I could see the characters of this time period debating and arguing this point, and I can't say that I've seen it portrayed in fic before. It's really interesting and sets her apart from her family.

KRIS, THE GLASS BREAKING, AND THE HOUSE OF BLACK FOLLOWING SUIT???!! SO GOOD. SO SO GOOD.

Okay, and now we are officially told the narrator is Narcissa, and she doesn't hesitate to say that Orion needs to go. I love the conspiracy between her and her uncle; he was the only other one to speak ill of Tom Riddle. We can just feel the betrayal and hubris that's likely to come in the next chapters--you have set up the scene so so well.

I'm sorry that all I'm doing is gushing, but this is so well done. The atmosphere is perfect, and it just continues to be at the family tomb scene. Of course the sexual tension between her and Gideon is really well written, because it's you lol. I love that Narcissa is the one making demands and how she knows he's wrapped around her finger; and how at the same time, her demands are selfless. Protection for Andromeda and Sirius. She's got just the right touch of humility that we see in the books, and she's such an intereseting character.

The interaction between her and Andromeda is perfect, too. I love that she's not being controlling; how cool and collection and so wonderfully calculating she is. Especially when Andomeda says not to call him a Mudblood, and she says that she wasn't going to--but I can't really know if she was, or not, and that's so brilliantly done. The last lines are incredible too.

In short, WOW. I see why this story has gotten such high praise already. Your characters are so wonderfully fleshed out, especially Narcissa, and the ambience and descriptions are incredible.  I'm totally hooked!



Name: Noelle Zingarella (Signed) · Date: 22 Apr 2020 02:57 AM · For: wait 'til the world is mine

Hi Kris! I’m here for your Challenge Entry Reviews (and EvS April 2020, Team E) :D

 

I sort of love that the Black sisters’ parents are absentee and that the sisters have spent so much time in the care of Orion and Walburga. Not because it was good for the sisters—but because it gives a depth to their back story and why they became who they became. Narcissa’s realization that both Bella and Andromeda are extremists in their own way also struck me. 

 

I was pretty shocked when Bella actually hexed her aunt—although maybe I should have been more shocked that Walburga threatened Bella in the first place. Not smart!

 

You’ve done an excellent job in this chapter showing us how Narcissa is the clear choice to lead the Black family. She’s the only one who has her act together enough to do so (and isn’t obsessed by something else, like Tom Riddle or Ted Tonks). 

 

It made my skin crawl when Orion was treating Narcissa like a broodmare and wanting to marry her off to Nott in Andromeda’s place. Ugh. And then Arcturus is treating her in a similar way; although he at least has the decency to try to talk her into it rather than just ordering her to do it. In the end, Narcissa seems to see some potential to what he’s saying; although I doubt she’ll jump into anything unless she actually wants to.

 

I love the way that you’ve tied the Malfoys into this wizardly circle of intrigue. And I can’t wait for Narcissa and Lucius to meet!

 

Thank you so much for starting this fic and for entering my challenge!

 

Yours,

Noelle



Name: Noelle Zingarella (Signed) · Date: 22 Apr 2020 01:37 AM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

Hi Kris! I’m here for your Challenge Entry Reviews (and EvS April 2020, Team E) :D

 

First of all, I want to say that I love the spider on your banner. It’s fun to see other animals besides snakes associated with prominent Slytherins, and a spider seems to suit Narcissa’s scheming personality.

 

I love your style; how you manage to say a lot with a few words. The picture that you paint of this family is so vivid, from Orion’s clanging, to Andromeda’s recklessness, to Bellatrix’s obsession with torturing Muggles. And Narcissa (whom I love as a character!) is so interesting right off the bat. I’ve read a lot of fic that paints her as being very young during the First Wizarding War, and kind of out of it. But here you thrust her right in the middle of the action. The House of Black is crumbling around her, and she’s going to do something about it. She’s going to use the chaos of war to make a grab at power, and nobody is going to get in her way.

 

And if they do, I expect she’ll have no trouble doing the stabby stab.

 

I like Narcissa’s take on Tom Riddle, and I agree with her. He’s after power, plain and simple, and he’ll do whatever he needs to do to get it.

 

The scene between Narcissa and Gideon is smashing! First of all, I love that she’s making contact with the Order to keep both Andromeda and Sirius safe. They’re her people, and she’s doing what she can to protect them. Second, I love that she and Gideon have a history and that they used to be…closer. Third, the way you write attraction and chemistry between characters is always smoking—and here is no exception. And finally the whip spell was awesome—I hope we’ll be seeing it again.

 

The statement that Andromeda is half Gryffindor really caught my attention. And even though Narcissa has come to say goodbye, and even though she’s risked a lot to help keep Andromeda safe, neither of them can really be open with the other.

 

I have to agree with Narcissa—this is a chess game, and a deadly one at that.

 

On to the next chapter!

 

Yours,

Noelle

 



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 15 Apr 2020 01:40 AM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

Hey, Kris! Here for our review swap :)

 

I just want you to know that I started listeing to you should see me in crown while I was reading this and 11/10 recommend, would do it again.

 

I've always been intrigued by Narcissa as a character, but I've never actually read anything about her and wow, I am glad that this is the first story I get to read from her POV. She is so not what I pictured but I love her?? She's smart, she's kinda calculating, but in the best kind of way. She could burn the entire world down and I would thank her.

 

Gideon?? Like...Gideon Prewett?? Kris, I need to know more like right now. Like absolutely right now. I know that she marries Lucius and all that jazz, but like...I would so be down for this to happen. She so clearly wants to just treat this like a hookup but she so likes him. Or maybe I'm projecting, but that's beside the point. I love how she calls her former booty call just to make sure that her sister's okay. It shows us so much of how Narcissa opperates in her own way.

 

Okay, I realize this is probably getting a little incoherent, but I really loved this so so much. I'm in love with Narcissa and I can't wait to watch her take over the world. You definitely have to let me know when you update!!

 

Ashley



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 13 Apr 2020 10:34 AM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

Hello, Kris, my dear! Here for your request! :)

Wow! Well... this is certainly a much darker Narcissa than how I imagine her in my head... or maybe dark is not the word for it... maybe just very cunning... a true Slytherin, in any case! And I do love it!

I think you captured the family dynamics pretty well here, with Orion being the self-proclaimed head of the family and all the different undercurrents, and how the family is sort of falling in disgrace. It seems that the Noble House of Black has a predilection towards madness and addiction, not necessarily exclusive to one another. A pretty good way to put it.

Since you asked, I didn't find that first scene confusing at all (although I did have to check the Black family tree at a certain point... mostly because I had no idea who Arcturus was) I think I got some of the implications later... they are all moving under the same roof, and that's putting some people's secrets in danger... I can't blame Andromeda for deciding to run off... I do wonder what exactly Narcissa is plotting, though? That final exchange between her and Arcturus... does it mean what I think it means? Are they plotting to murder Orion? That seems intriguing...

And Narcissa had a "relationship" with Gideon... and she's asking him for safety for Andromeda and Sirius??? I'm not that surprised about Andromeda, I always thought Narcissa loved her sister... but Sirius? :O I wish we'd seen him and Regulus, too, btw... but I suppose that family reunion wasn't for children... although now I'm wondering at what point in time we are and how old everyone is... not that it is important, I'm just curious :P

"If you think that Tom Riddle gives a fuck about blood purity in any other capacity than the excuse it gives him to rally fanatics to his supposed cause, then you are disgustingly deluded," I loved this line! I'm so glad Narcissa can see through it! I'm not surprised that she can, but I really appreciate that she does. Orion seems to be the only one who actually believes Voldemort here, which is quite interesting... I'm wondering where this is all going... I'm also wondering which side Narcissa is truly on... I guess the answer is her own...

Sorry if this review is a mess... I really love what you're doing here, though! It's so cool and intriguing and fascinating! And your writing style is beautiful as always! Your descriptions are stunning and I love the way you can get inside your characters' minds! It's really brilliant!

Thank you for requesting! <3

Snowball hug,

Chiara



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 12 Apr 2020 11:12 PM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

Hey Kris! I’ve been so eager for you to post this; I feel like you’ve been talking about wanting to write Narcissa for a while now, and she’s such an interesting character as I believe you pointed out in a blog post once? And I knew you’d do wonderfully with her.


Right away I love what you’ve done with this family dynamic. Family politics can be a complex thing, and you clearly have put a lot of thought into this one. It feels like we’ve been dropped into the middle of an ongoing conversation in this scene -- I mean, we have, literally, but it feels like we’ve been dropped into the middle of a conversation that’s been taking place over months or years. You can feel the tension. You don’t need to load us down with exposition up front because you’re so good at providing it in context, here and there as the scene unfolds. I like this idea -- one that I think we’ve seen hinted at in canon -- of a madness that pervades the family, but manifesting itself in different ways.


I love how you set the second scene in the cemetery -- the creepiness, but also, yes, the romance, very gothic. It’s the perfect setting for our first little surprise -- her involvement (past or present) with Gideon. I hope we’ll see more of him, and more of them together!


And she knows what both Andromeda and Sirius are involved with, and rather than outing them to her family, her move is to ask that they be kept safe! Because they’re her people, and what we know of her is that she is all about her people. You know, I was on the verge of typing, “Despite her beliefs about blood supremacy, what she cares about more is protecting them” -- but that’s the thing, isn’t it? How much does she really care about the blood supremacy thing? It’s unclear, based on her comments about Riddle, and it seems like the bigger issue for her is the survival of her house -- and maybe sometimes those two things are interconnected, but I think that may be an important distinction? I really like how you’re writing her. She’s still an enigma because it’s only the first chapter, but I’m eager to see more of how this all unfolds!


Xo

 

Melanie




Name: down-in-flames (Signed) · Date: 12 Apr 2020 04:46 PM · For: bite my tongue, bide my time

hi kris, here for our swap!

 

ok, you establish so much of narcissa’s character in that first short paragraph alone. she’s all about power, and that’s very clear from the get-go, and really helps to explain all her actions throughout the chapter. she doesn’t care about sides, she doesn’t care about (most) people, it’s all just about the smartest decision that will get her the most power. she’s delightfully devious, i already love her character.

 

the black family is… well. they’re a very interesting bunch, that’s for sure. i love this line - “It seems that the Noble House of Black has a predilection towards madness and addiction, not necessarily exclusive to one another.” it seems to capture… pretty much everyone in the room, tbh. you’ve given everyone really distinctive personalities and clashing traits in this short section, but at the same time, they’re all their own varying degrees of fucked-up.

 

and then the end of this section, where it seems like narcissa and her great uncle come to an agreement that someone’s got to kill orion?? i’m here for it. bring on the murder :P

 

ohh and i love the introduction of gideon here. i like that narcissa’s got friends on both sides of the war - once again, going back to that power thing, she’s just trying to make as many advantageous connections as possible, and it seems gideon’s advantage is that he can help protect her sister and cousin. and she knows exactly how to make him weak, and takes advantage of it.

 

and then this ending scene with andromeda is… their relationship is really interesting. they’ve both got some pretty strong emotional walls up, so it’s hard to really tell what exactly they think of each other. but i think andromeda’s right, in a way - yes, narcissa is all about power and she definitely sees all of this as a game and a way to win, but this is also a war. there are two very distinct sides with very different worldview and whose winning would affect the entire wizarding world. there are real consequences and risks and a lot of ways that any little thing could easily end with a lot of people dead. and narcissa doesn’t really seem to give a fuck about any of that, except as it pertains to her getting her own way. it’s very slytherin of her, lol, and it’s probably very gryffindor of me to be siding with andromeda, haha.

 

this is such a gripping start to the story - you’ve introduced so many characters and storylines in such a short period of time, and i’m really intrigued to see where everything goes! thanks for swapping with me!

 

-taylor



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