I really love the choppiness of this, especially in the first line. It's everything that is concentration and determination, like a mantra that she's repetitively telling herself in her mind--the song she's listening to to just keep going. And then the phrase, I like that you've paired it with 'burnt' into her, like she's been doing this forever--this has been everything that she's been working for. That is, of course, what makes the next moment so amazing in this--she's had enough. She's been pushing herself so hard, it seems, to be at her full potential for swimming that she'd completely neglected her life's full potential and has this moment of epiphany where she realizes that she wants (needs) to take back her life. If something's becoming more of a chore than something she loves, she should definitely be out there living her teenage life--it's only a blink before it's over, after all.
This was an awesome little story with a great moral!
This is great. You convey a lot of feeling in so few words and that's hard to do! I actually used to be on a swim team when I was younger, and I like how you've distilled swim practice into these few words, these repetitions, becuase that's kind of what it it is. And then the second half is the part I really relate to the most - the narrator may enjoy swimming, is competitive and determined and keeps going in it, but sometimes they wish that they had a bit more balance in their life and they could just stop once in a while and slow down. I think broadly this story says a lot about the high speed of life and expectations and just wanting to get out of that for a moment and slow down to enjoy things, and that's pretty profound for 100 words about swimming. Wonderful job, Hayden!
I think this might be your last drabble that I haven’t reviewed yet??
I AINT NO QUITTER
Okay. So I don’t know for sure, but it looks to me like you’ve done a good job of um, writing about swimming? *headdesk*
I think I remember you mentioning that you swim, and what I’m trying to say is that the writing shows that you do. Even if I don’t understand it, you write it in a clear and concise way that sets the stage well.
OMG BEST PLOT TWIST
She doesn’t want to sport anymore!
Come on girl, we’re going to the movies!
A+. Best story. Wonderful arc and character development.
So I never swam competitively, but I've always really liked to swim and "Keep on kicking, even if your arms fail" is just excellent on so many levels. (Also, it's actually really great life advice, too!)
And the narrator's desire to do something else and especially the implication that hypercompetitiveness isn't living life to its full potential even if there's a greater possibility of quantitative success is so genuine. I loved it.
I did competitive swimming when I was young (like before teenhood) and this reminds me a lot of that. I swear it conjured up the scent of the same chlorine pool I used to swim in. I like the phrase keep on kicking, even if your arms fail. Not for the literal use, but more of for life. And sometimes you just need a breather and a drink inside a coconut.
i did competitive club swimming when I was 7/8/9 and loved it, but I used to come from an hour swim lesson to the race pool (my lesson pool/club has races but is only a 20m pool) and racing meant I missed youth group. Got to a point where I was tired of it (even though I was one of the top seeded) and quit instead of renewing my membership.
The smell of chlorine is the best! I love it! The pool is practically my home, and I love the smell of chlorine more then I probably should. :p
The phrase "keeping on kicking, even if your arms fail" is a phrase that my squad coaches yell at us specifically in Fly (I wonder why?) and ever since they started doing it I've taken it to heart and remember it every time I dive.
Coconut drinks are divine!
Thank you for reviewing,