Reviews For Lord of Tang.


Name: Noelle Zingarella (Signed) · Date: 01 Apr 2020 03:51 AM · For: Destiny's Journey Begins.

Hi Tgfoy! I wanted to check out this story since it pulls on your area of expertise :D

The details, especially about the Saxon time period, are meticulous. I love how you are using your knowledge of history both to enrich the story, and to give a lot of information to the reader. The young man Utred is very interesting--and I'm especially curious to know what sort of strange powers he appears to have; and also how the parallel story-lines will work together.

I love too that Petunia and Dudley are finally getting away from Vernon!

Yours,

Noelle



Author's Response:

Many thanks Noelle, glad you enjoyed it. As the modern era progresses there are references to my previous Novel (Essence of revenge) such as how the Dursleys got to where they are (that bit is also in To Hide A Dursley). The 10th Century part was fun to do, as you say using references to my work. What I shall be interested to see is if in 10 years or so it still stands up to what we know as more discoveries are made.
Hope you enjoy the rest of it too.
Best wishes.
Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 28 Mar 2020 11:38 PM · For: Oaths.

Well Thorfin certainly got the shaft(literally) after his ill-advised attack!  Is that Cornish Baron by any chance the Bloody Baron?  Nice to know how the invisibility cloak got to the Potter clan!  Very nice wedding for Hermoine and Ron - wonder how their bond will affect things.  Looks like Dudley is next in the wedding march!  Thank for another great chapter! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Many thanks as always Aurorofthelight, glad you enjoyed it.
Hope all is well with you.
Best wishes
Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 05 Mar 2020 08:15 PM · For: Sceadugengan Spring

Quite the rousing chapter, TG!  Hmmmm - shadow going shape shifters black as night----call me crazy but those Sceadugengan sound like ancient Dementors!  ;)  Styr the schmuck has no clue what deep shite his son Thorfin is in!  Seems like Dudley and Aunt Petunia are having a ball at Hogwarts!  Hermoine really got the scent of her quest at York/Jorvik, even meeting the ghost of the elder Utred!  Can't wait for the next chapter!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Many thanks Aurorofthelight, glad you enjoyed it. Yes a lot going on, things are building steadily.
Hopefully see you here again soon, though real life is building intoa busy month, so not sure when I shall get chance to get the next one up. That said I plan at least another this month.
Best wishes as always
Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 29 Feb 2020 08:37 PM · For: Wild Rides and Celebrations

Well this chapter almost went to the birds - literally!  Enjoyed the bits betweern Flame and Tiberius!  Flame was certainly a big surprise and certainly opened some intersting revelations and information to Harry, Ginny and the rest!  Hermoine seems to be making good progress on her quest!  Very nice Yule and New Year celebrations!  Appreciated your gutsy mention of the sacrifices in ancient times - they were quite common back then!  Thankfully, they have become fairly rare in modern times!  Good that Utred and company and the founders are enjoying some calm before the coming storm!  Terrific chapter this was!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Yes I admit to being a bit feather brained quite often my friend. Glad you enjoyed it, things are moving on in both eras. 
Many thanks as always Aurorofthelight, I appreciate you letting me know what you think of each chapter.
Best wishes

Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Feb 2020 01:28 AM · For: Tigelwotta

Great to see a new one from you, TG!  And what a chapter it was!  Definitely not a pretty battle but nice to see Utred and  company show some mercy!  Very interesting to see how Azkaban got it's start!  They seem to have a nice trap and the boob Thorfin is walking right into it!  Can't help but worry about Slytherin's intentions, tho!  So, Tigelwotta means Potter - cool beans!   Very ineresting box Harry and Ginny and what strong magic it has healing them both!  Hope Hermoine can get a grip with her research and not do it at Ron's expense!  That was a really sneaky cliffy at the end!  Can't wait to see them discover the mysteries of the box!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Many thanks Aurorofthelight, glad you liked it. No battle never is, but the mercy is characteristic I think. The Azkaban orign was a bit of a brainwave that I ran with and thought it worked. Poor Sal, really is torn isn't he. 
Sneaky cliffy? Me? Well ok. ;D:D:D

Glad you liked it all, I really appreciate your reviews. Hopefully I shall get the next Chapter up soon.
Best wishes as always.
Tgfoy



Name: melian (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 12:26 AM · For: A Future to Forge.

 

Okay, so some new information here, especially regarding the Slytherins and the fact a number of their students were defending people who attacked Harry the previous year. Clearly I need to read the other book for the full story but I'm piecing it together slowly here. It is interesting though that they have so few people trying out for positions on the Quidditch team. I'm guessing Harry is right and the decisions are made in the common room, but I'm curious to know what the basis for them is. I mean, there is obviously a reason, we just don't know what it is.

 

And really, if the House was that decimated in the previous school year, it's a double blow for them that the twins have switched to Gryffindor. While it's good for the twins, it's something the House probably really didn't need.

 

Oh, and you've changed the Quidditch team coming from the Romanian to the Bulgarian team, which is correct as per Krum's nationality, but inconsistent with the earlier chapters, so you might want to go back and edit those. ????

 

Sad about Maggie, but she went on her own terms and had tidied up everything that needed to be done. The twins are safe and secure, and most importantly, happy.

 

I like the introduction of the Sorting Hat, and that it was old and tattered even before it started being used in that way. Of course it has a personality - Gryffindor and Slytherin would never have let it be static or boring, would they? Though I can totally see Hufflepuff getting a little frustrated with them.

 

I will say though that the ship heading to Jorvik was a bit of a weird interlude - I thought we had left Hogwarts for good when you moved to that bit, but then after that long descriptive part we just went back to the castle. I've found your changes of scene to be a little abrupt at times, and maybe it's worth putting a break in there even though you like to save your main break for the time shift. Just, you know, to warn your readers that the scene is changing and to be prepared for it.

 

Having said that, I loved the little epiphanies poor old Salazar had during the discussion about his former student, and his own conflict about which loyalty is more important, and how to go about that.  I also liked the apparent conflict between what Jesus did and what wizards could do, and why one was acceptable and the other was not. Clearly the answer is power, and the need for the clergy to be in control of the populace, but they couldn't exactly say that, could they?

 

Question - is Hvitsby the same as Whitby?

 

And finally your end notes explain the Englaland that I had initially thought was a typo. Maybe putting that earlier in the story might be helpful.

 

Cheers Mel

 



Author's Response:

Many thanks again Melian, your review is much appreciated. Yes, as explained in the notes for chapter 5 Hvitsby is Whitby. Spoiler teritory again for a lot of the rest of your review I'm afraid, for both this story and the one it is the sequel to. That said I am pleased you are still enjoying this story and am glad you are still reviewing, I hope to see you on future chapters.
best wishes
Tgfoy   



Name: melian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 10:58 PM · For: The Gift of Merlin.

 

Hello again! Yes, I'm back.

 

First up, a spelling error: Livelihood, not lively hood.

 

And now the story. So the clergy is conspiring against Northumbria? Interesting. I'd say they consider Styr to be a bigger threat to their power than the king of Wessex and Mercia then. I like the very fine line that Styr is treading, on the one hand needing to keep control and recognising magic is the only way he can do that, and on the other knowing that he can't let anyone realise he is using magic because that could mean losing his kingdom.

 

I see the references to the Chamber of Secrets now, with all the Slytherins congregating on the second floor. And it was interesting to see the conversation which must eventually lead to the establishment of the Sorting Hat, which we know from canon to have belonged to Gryffindor. Oh - and now I understand the chapter title. Took me long enough. Nice one.

 

I like the first of September preparations for a new school year. I confess I'd been under the impression the twins were starting Hogwarts for the first time, but I now see that was incorrect as they're not first years and they're changing houses, which I'm guessing is unprecedented? Interesting. 

 

I was also intrigued by the visit to Godric's Hollow, though you did say before that Petunia had never really had the opportunity to grieve her sister, so it makes sense she wants to do it properly. Nice touch with the statue, by the way. And I like the idea that Petunia has some latent magical ability, like a kind of advanced squib (and no, the idea of levels of squib-ness had never occurred to me ether).

 

And oh dear. A house elf wedding. Well, why not, I suppose?

 

I'm also getting a feel for the twins history now. Were Slytherin, under some kind of influence similar to the imperius curse, probably did some bad stuff, relatives also affected or in fact evil, rescued from their clutches and brought into the care of their grandparents (?) and overseen by Molly Weasley. Am I far off? Guess I need to read on to find out, right?

 

Cheers Mel

 



Author's Response:

Many thanks as usual, glad you are still enjoying it, although you are still demonstrating the dificulty of having started with the sequel before its predecessor, of course if you do get round to reading Essence you will have spoiled some of that story for yourself too. 

Of course especially as the tenth century story progresses more and more may be revealed, though it is not just in that part of the story.

Best wishes as usual.

Tgfoy 



Name: melian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 10:50 AM · For: Diversions.

Hi again! I'm back for another chapter.

 

Okay I really like the idea of Petunia, while researching Muggle Studies, going to a Muggle bookshop to show the wizarding kids what Muggles are told about witches and wizards. That's really very clever and a little more nuanced than I would generally have given Petunia credit for.

 

I do have to step in though to point out that Viktor Krum plays for Bulgaria, not Romania. Not unless he's recently changed nationality? If you go back and edit you may need to fix that. Oh, and Holyhead is one word, not two - and has only one L in it (I'm referring to two separate references here). I'm also a little disappointed there was no mention of Oliver Wood playing for Puddlemere, though obviously he may not have been with them on that day for any number of reasons.

 

Tragic news about Eli, though it's clearly been coming. The kids playing Quidditch on the professional pitch was cute, though. Gotta love the enthusiasm of youth!

 

Typo in the C10 - Englaland, rather than England. Though, it appears three times, so maybe it's deliberate? There is nothing in the notes at the end so I'm inclined to think it a typo, though having it multiple times is confusing me a little.

 

You know, I'm not a fan of Styr, but I do understand why he's ticked off with the church demanding he provide an army to defend someone else's land. The way the Archbishop just poo-poohed his concerns about the harvest and the like is just infuriating, and so utterly unnecessary. Especially if his hunch at the end is true and there is no fighting, in which case Northumbria is being weakened unnecessarily.

 

I find the "additions" to Hogwarts very interesting too. So now we know who to blame for the semi-sentience of the castle, and the secret passageways, and the Room of Requirement. Though, given how involved they were in the building of the castle, I'm a little surprised they didn't find any evidence of the Chamber of Secrets. Unless they did, and that's still to come? Must read on.

 

Cheers Mel



Author's Response:

Many thanks for the pointers again, yep looks like I have definitely boobed on Viktor. Englaland is not a typo though, it is actually the old word (or Name) for England used to define what Alfred the great had wanted, a single united nation from the smaller ones that made up what later became that united country. 
The church is what gave Styr his position, so he is, reluctantly, in debt to them. A debt the humans in charge of the church will reap to there own advantage at any opportunity. Power games never change, just the players.
I had fun with this chapter, but was sorry to kill off Eli, but yes it was inevitable sadly. 
Many thanks again and best wishes.
Tgfoy



Name: melian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 10:47 AM · For: Octo equestrian

Me again!

 

I must admit, I have never heard of Sliepnir. This is clearly a fault in my mythical knowledge but then again my Norse mythological knowledge is less broad than my Greek. I will clearly have to do some reading to remedy this. Tragic that we're seeing the last six in existence, even with Hufflepuff's medical knowledge ... as yes, Gryffindor is right, if they are all male then there is no chance of further breeding. Cloning, perhaps, but that doesn't solve the problem, does it?

 

Styr is another matter. He truly is willing to sacrifice most of the magical blood in the north of what is now the UK in order to further his grip on the throne (and perhaps get the Wessex one as well). I was going to say it's hard ot see how people can be so single minded for their own future, at the expense of everyone else's, but then I remembered that people like Trump and Johnson are in power and I understood. I don't like it, I don't understand the mindset, but those people certainly exist, and I have NO doubt that if Donald Trump was in the situation Styr is, he would behave exactly the same way.

 

Back to more modern times, and I find the fact that Harry owns Grunnings absolutely hilarious. Vernon would be absolutely apoplectic if he knew. Though, if Mr and Mrs Evans got him that job, then maybe it was them that had the connection. It would make sense.

 

I think George teaching Delilah and Tarquin "twin speak" is a really lovely idea, though I can see how it might get very annoying very quickly. But it's such a George thing to do, and I can see him coming up with things like that as a kind of tribute to Fred's memory.

 

And this quote (or series of quotes) really tickled my fancy:

 

"though Eli says that he is not surprised...."

 ".... That a Marauder didn't let being dead stop him..."

 "... And his wife, from attending their sons wedding as more than just photo's."

 

You may not know that I'm a bit of a Marauders buff, and this absolutely encapsulates their sense of honour and loyalty. You're right. They wouldn't let anything like being dead stop them from attending their son's wedding.

 

Oh, and I'm very curious as to what Hermione is up to, and what that picture of Whitby means to her. You have me intrigued!

 

Cheers Mel



Author's Response:

I read this one while a particular song was on the radio, send in the clowns, only I heard, send in the clones, instead. brightened what has been a hectic day so far, so I shall add my thanks to you for that along with the usual gratitude for your review.
Power corrupts, though I am not sure Styr was coruptable further than he already was, he needed no encouragement.
Ah the roots of Hermiones intrigue is in the previous Novel.
Glad you are still enjoying it.
Best wishes
Tgfoy



Name: melian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 03:34 AM · For: A Right Royal Rumble

Okay, my canon nerd has to point out that the shop is called Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, not Wizardly.

 

I'm intrigued by the idea of a guardian portrait. Were you inspired by the portrait of Mrs Black in the entrance hall of Grimmauld Place? In any case it's a nice idea. Petunia's reaction to Lily and James being in the photo was very touching as well.

 

I had to laugh at this: "Good grief, has no one here got any idea of individuality?" One of the Aurors asked in amazement at the uniformity of the houses and gardens.

And they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same. I think I referred to that song in my first review and it's nice to see it reflected here five chapters later.

 

And I love Vernon's absolute certainty that Petunia and Dudley are coming back. The Dursley arrogance is unwavering, it seems - and very similar to that displayed by his alter ego in the founders era. And Marge's reaction to the idea of her scooping up her dogs' droppings? Priceless. And again, so in character. You really have her down pat.

 

And Harry was knighted? Heavens. He has been made into a big deal, hasn't he? I mean, he was a big deal beforehand, but knighting - and the acceptance of Muggle honours in general - seems a step further than I would have imagined. I'm intrigued by this wandless magic, too, though I imagine that's explained in the earlier book.

 

Moving to founders era, I'm interested to learn that Styr is magical. I suppose it makes sense, that the ruling classes would be magical, because there is the possibility of so much more power that a certain type of person would want to wield. A magical ruler could control the masses much more effectively than a Muggle could, so it isn't really surprising that some wizarding families would take the throne from a Muggle ruler.

 

The blood sacrifice is intriguing too. I hadn't thought of that as something that would happen, but given the links to the Norse at this point it's less surprising the more I think about it.

 

I just want to make a comment about Merlin. It makes sense that he pre-dates the Founders, and I have no problem with him being Gryffindor's mentor, but there is a think within canon that places Merlin in Slytherin house, which would suggest he came later. Knowing as we do that maths is not JKR's strong point, I think I prefer your version, that he came before the establishment of Hogwarts and its Houses. I'm sure she thought a thousand years ago was long enough, but quite honestly if the age of Camelot did exist, it was prior to this time - I think it's been dated to approx. 5th and 6th centuries AD, to make it fit with a particular historical period. This of course would make Merlin 500 years old, but quite frankly if anyone was capable of living for centuries on end it was probably him. So yeah, I'm happy with that. (Though, I also accept that he WOULD have been a Slytherin if he'd gone to Hogwarts. The cunning and manipulation seems to fit him nicely.)

 

Oh,and am I right in thinking Tigelwotta becomes Potter? Just a thought. And I love the origin of the Fat Lady. What an excellent idea.

 

Styr finding out about Utred and feeling the need to destroy Hogwarts puts a nice twist on things, and it certainly adds a layer of intrigue that wasn't there beforehand. His relationship with Slytherin wasn't a surprise, I must say - from what we knew of him I couldn't see anyone else being his mentor in the magical arts. But it's also interesting to learn that his hold on the throne is more important to him than (a) keeping a large amount of magical blood intact, and (b) the life of his mentor. Hmm. Slytherin does indeed seem the correct house for him.

 

Cheers Mel

 

 

 



Author's Response:

Many thanks once more melian, glad you are still enjoying it. The Guardian portrait is a link with the previous story as is the photo you mention, same with the honours Harry and others recieved. Actually those two Dursleys are great to write even though they are in fact one dimensional in a lot of ways.
Blood sacrifice is very much a part of what we know of pagan belief of the period. Scotland was of course under Norse influence earlier than what we now know as England (a country that didn't exist at the time in fact). There are many theories in canon that are fun to play with, however the idea of Merlin being in any Hogwarts house when it is generally agreed the Arthurian legend is set well before the foundation of the school was one I never subscribed to and have never found such a reference in cannon, so put it down to a fan theory really. I simply had him as a powerful wizard who took on apprentices of any characteristics. 
Power games are at play.
Best wishes as always.
Tgfoy



Name: melian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 01:29 AM · For: The Cordwainers Family.

 

Hi again! I'm back for more.

 

First up, some minor errors. I found these typos: 

The forest on Gryffindor's land had been idea for many

getting more things to add to the Castle to catch out the unwary the unwary?

 

... and these homonyms: reign rather than rein (talking about bridle and rein); close knit rather than close nit, their rather than there (when referring to the twins doing their shopping). "Effect" is a noun and "affect" is a verb, so something would AFFECT you, but you would feel its EFFECTS.

 

Right. Enough of that.

 

Okay I love the description of the school before it was the castle - five long halls with reed roofs. I never thought of it being anything but a castle but I guess castles had to be built sometime and to be honest my archaeological knowledge doesn't extend that far. It's interesting that the castle was being constructed as Etred was attending the school because I had honestly never thought of what might have been there beforehand.

 

And now I have learnt what a cordwainer is. My vocab is generally pretty good but this is a word I had never heard before. So thanks for that.

 

I see the Gryffindors have another estate in Wessex and that's where Godric's Hollow lies. Nicely covered, as I'm sure I wasn't the first person to question his seat in Scotland. But maternal and paternal estates covers it quite nicely.

 

Oh, and is there a connection between Durslieg and Dursley? Such similar sentiments ... and a way of linking the two stories beyond the Hogwarts castle. Hmmm. Oh, and the Wesele twins as well? Very cute. I'm quietly confident you have given them the old English versions of the names Fred and George as well. And Bleac is the early form of Black? I expect so, though I read it as "bleach" and therefore the opposite of black. But yes, I expect to be proven wrong here. Though, really, giving a fat teenager called Durslieg a pig's tail isn't particularly original, if I may say so. If anyone was unsure of the link prior to that, you've certainly given it away now.

 

I find it interesting that you've given the Black family house a rear garden. I had always assumed it was one of those where the residents shared the green space in the middle of the square, rather than having their own outdoor areas. But given the lack of canon on this matter either of us could be right.

 

I also like how you've made Petunia realise just how little she knows Harry, really. He wasn't exactly very communicative during his teenage years (and even if he had been they wouldn't have wanted to hear it) so it's not a surprise now I think about it, but I just hadn't thought about it before. You're doing that a lot to me in this story. This is not a bad thing.

 

I also like the way you showed Dudley and Petunia learning about the wizarding world, and how they are going to adapt to living in it. In a sense it's like seeing Diagon Alley through Harry's eyes all over again, only this time the first time viewers are adult and therefore have wonder at different things. Nice touches in there too, with the robes being in colours Vernon wouldn't have let Petunia wear, for example.

 

Onwards I go!

Cheers Mel



Author's Response:

Many thanks as always for your pointers and the review as a whole. Yes it is interesting to think of Hogwarts as more than just a castle, but an evolvig comunity as well, which is of course what many castles were. Yes Cordwainer is not a term used much these days, but they still exist. Names? aagh, how to do this without spoilers, hmm. Most are saxon or norse versions of names, sorry but no I didn't knowingly use the old versions of Fred and George, just gave the twins a coupe of typical period names to go with their surname.
Petunia and Dudley have quite a journey to come.
Best wishes
Tgfoy



Name: melian (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 10:38 PM · For: Merlins Apprentice

Hi again!

 

Okay, I noticed a couple of spelling errors in this one. One is it's likelihood, not likely hood. Another is that you lose weight, not loose it. And the canon nerd in me has to point out that Mrs Figg lived around a corner or two, not across the road from the Dursleys.

 

Right. Story. Is it terrible that I really enjoyed Vernon's horrible day? The suit ripping was really the icing on the cake, and the fact that his secretary (who isn't timid, I'm sure, so much as terrified by his bullying) actually suggested he went home early got through to him that his situation was in fact dire. I also loved that he had no idea how to cook any of the food that was in the house and had to get takeaway. Classic. While on Vernon and his plight, I see Marge hasn't changed at all. Excellent characterisation by the way. She's still as appalling as ever, and blinded by her assumption her family can do no wrong. Oh course Vernon isn't giving her the full story, but even if he did I'm sure she'd justify it somehow.

 

I like that Dudley has a heart problem. Sounds eminently believable given his build and previous eating habits. I'm kind of curious about why Harry is being monitored (maybe this was in the previous book) but I'm sure it'll come out in the end.

 

I do find it interesting that he and Ginny are both teaching at the school. Ginny has literally only just graduated. Doesn't she want a break from the place? Unless I have the timings wrong, but Ginny turned 18 in 1999 so they are very young to (a) be getting married, and (b) working at the school. However, I'm sure McGonagall and you both have your reasons so I'll turn a blind eye for now.

 

Oh, by the way, I love the idea of the Transforming room. Gives you a bit of freedom in the confines of a town house with no yard.

 

Right, now onto the founders era. I noticed you're making Hogwarts the Gryffindor family seat? I thought he was from Godric's Hollow, which is in the West country. Again, the canon nerd in me noticed this immediately, though I'm sure you have an explanation. They're not exactly close to each other. Still, nice introduction and I like Olin's father being the Hogsmeade wand maker. Oh and I love the reference to south of the wall, and the idea that Hogsmeade became a wizarding community due to magical families escaping persecution from the Christians.

 

Having Gryffindor move the whole shack to the Hogwarts grounds is intriguing. I liked the idea that students would help the school survive with food, labour etc. And the teaching of non magical combat in those times makes a lot of sense, even though I never considered it before. Makes me wonder when combat training was phased out, really. Seems it could have been useful in Harry's time, though of course the methods would have been different. Still, some martial arts moves wouldn't have gone astray, would they?

 

All in all very enjoyable. I look forward to reading more. ????

 

Cheers Mel

 



Author's Response:

Many thanks once again, I truly do appreciate your comments, though I hope you will please forgive me as your puzzlement of some of the 20th century part is due to the reason I mentioned before (sorry). So I shall concentrate on your comments regarding the 10th century part and hopefully provide some answers without spoilers for what you are yet to read (sometimes not easy when I know what is coming, I wonder if this is how JKR felt when being asked about plot points that would be answered in a book yet to be written).
As you may have noticed Utreds family owned more than one estate, not unusual for successful warriors, both Tang and Thwing were family seats.
Although not part of this story, I would think Muggle combat would cease being taught once the feudal system fell (the last vestiges in the UK didn't go until the 1830's though I am unsure when combat training for all faded out, I shall have to check, but I suspect it would not be much earlier). I agree that unarmed combat arts would still have been useful in the Hogwarts of the late 20th century.
Many thanks as usual for the constructive crits, I shall be refering to them as I check these chapters again when I get to them and I am honestly glad you are still here, enjoying and reviewing.

Best wishes Melian.

Tgfoy



Name: melian (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 10:18 PM · For: Sword in Hand

 

 

Hi! Back again for another chapter or two.

 

Again, I'll start with a bit of crit, this time with dialogue tags. You tend to make them full sentences when they're not. Eg "Thank you Orin." Utred said reassuringly. It should be a comma after Orin, not a full stop/period. Utred said reassuringly is not a full sentence. If you have a look at published books you'll notice that even when the sentence in dialogue is effectively finished, if there is a  "she said" type of tag after it, then the dialogue will end with a comma, with  "she said" finishing off the sentence.

 

But that's all for my crit today. Now onto the story.

 

I like the casual reference to the Tree of Life. It's so minor yet speaks so much about the Nordic influence on these parts of England at this time. But I admit I'm finding it hard to imagine Welshmen in Northumbria. It is rather a hike for them, after all. Were they lost, perhaps, or did the Welsh really raid that far north? My British history knowledge isn't that good, I'm afraid.

 

Now, I know it's historically accurate, but the belief and attitude that women are nothing more than sex and breeding machines (ie women to lie with in Valhalla) really grates on me. And, you know, prior to the #MeToo movement it may not have, all I'm not sure when you first wrote this, but the last couple of years have made me much more aware of this sort of thing. (Weird because I was part of #MeToo and should have noticed it from the off, but that's patriarchal/rape culture for you.)

 

Nice touch that Utred's wealth was not hidden in Tang, so the raiders (Welsh or otherwise) have potentially come for no reason. Oh, they killed the Lord and all his family/community, but they didn't get the treasure. I find myself wondering if they wanted the whole community gone, or just the horde, or both? Intriguing. I do wonder though in leaving an old man alive to be the cautionary tale. I get that he was no use in ther physical sense, even as a slave. But old men were revered for their wisdom, no? His wealth of knowledge survives with the new lord, and that means something, surely. (And yes I know they thought the new lord dead, but there would be some kind of replacement, surely?)

 

Actually, all the talk about who is king and why makes me feel like I'm in an episode of Vikings TBH.

 

Okay. Dursleys. I read your responses to my other reviews and if I've missed a story in between that probably makes more sense. But let's press on regardless.

 

I too have examined Molly as an empty nester, and I see we've come to similar conclusions as to how lost she would be feeling without family to fuss about all the time. Nice touch too with Hermione's parents moving to the village as the local dentists - it allows them to be a part of the story (even if peripherally) when in pretty much all other stories I've ever read they're virtually ignored.

 

Here is where I'm losing out from not reading the story this is a sequel to: I'm a bit lost with this new set of twins, and Eli and Maggie. Maybe some kind of intro  might have been helpful for those readers who picked up the second novel first (like me, hahahaha) - you may have noticed that up till the fourth HP book, JKR did a bit of a history lesson explaining what had happened in previous years, in case the reader was totally new to the storyline. A brief recap might have been helpful here. Or, you can just let me muddle on and try to figure it out myself. ????

 

Cheers Mel



Author's Response:

Many thanks once more for your review and crit. As I feared you are getting lost a little from having not read "Essence of Revenge" for this continuation of the 20th century part of the story I'm afraid.

Yes many aspects of life 1000 years ago would grate with modern values, which is the danger of applying modern values in judging the past rather than learning from them. Yes we know better these days, but it was their belief at the time and to dismiss is to miss the story of how we got here and will progress further in the future.
Hmm, Vikings is set in about the same period and based on a Viking Saga so reflects politics of the day, so yes there are similarities, although Vikings is set across about half the Vikings world, though the portrayal of Jorvik in the series was laughable, but good tv. 
It was often the custom that a survivor would be let go to spread fear amongst the enemies, as Orin was. As an elder his word would be taken more seriously. The victor would fill the void, but use thier own title rather than adopting another. In this time a Lord was simply a land owner, Tang was simply made part of the new Kings estates.
Regardless I do appreciate your comments and that you are enjoying the story. I look forward to seeing what you make of the rest, I did mention this was a sequel in the story description, I hoped that would be a good hint though do advise that you read Essence just to help with your understanding of the 20th Century parts of this.
In any case many thanks for your review, I look forward to seeing what you think of later chapters soon.
Best wishes
Tgfoy



Name: melian (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 12:19 AM · For: Flight and Fury.

Hi! Back again. And this review will follow the same format as my last one, which I hope is okay. :)

 

First, some constructive crit. I noticed a couple of typos - when Vernon is returning "he didn't noticed that his son's car had gone". And an apostrophe used for plurals - "body's" rather than "bodies". Hard and fast rule for apostrophes using the letter S is that if it's a plural, don't use it. If you're writing "its" and it's not short for "it is", don't use it. And if it's not for a possessive form (other than its), then don't use it. A beta reader who is trained in this sort of thing might be useful for you if you're a bit unsure. 

 

But, that's it for my crit! Some of the same issues as in the first chapter, but it's hardly fair of me to harp on about them here when I've already done that once.

 

Right. The good stuff. I really really loved how you organised the parking for Grimmauld Place. A magic workshop that the car just sinks into? Genius. Solves all sorts of plot issues in one fell swoop.

 

I'd also like to comment on the domestic violence situation you've put the Dursleys in. Again, I'd never really thought about it, probably because their characters never really grabbed me (they are a bit one dimensional in the books when you think about it, with the exception of some revelations about Petunia) but you're right. There is definitely an element of control in there. Vernon is the one with the job and the need to leave the house, Petunia is kind of trapped. They entertain Vernon's colleagues and work contacts, Vernon's family, whereas any mention of Petunia's family is forbidden, ostensibly because they are "different" but it's an excellent way for him to be exercising that control, isn't it? One could say he doesn't exercise the same control over Dudley because he lets him run riot around the neighbourhood, but that can be explained as another form - Dudley is only allowed to do that if he is demonstrating characteristics that Vernon sees as desirable in a boy child. So the boxing, the fighting, the gang, that's all stuff Vernon would approve of. If Dudley had been displaying some different characteristics, such as those he's showing in this chapter (and that, according to you, he has displayed since Harry left), then Vernon either tries to clamp down on them or pointedly ignores them. It's a really interesting way of looking at it, and it puts Petunia's life in a very different light. Is she the narrow minded, busybody housewife that she's portrayed as? Or is she a DV victim? Makes me want to reread the books with this hypothesis in mind to see where it takes me.

 

Moving on to Ultred, with his story at the beginning of chapter 1 and then the end of chapter 2, I've actually forgotten what it was that he did that was so different. Maybe it might be a good idea to have some allusion to it in the opening paragraphs just to remind us? Just a thought.

 

I liked the description of the hunt, and of the hut where they all sleep in one room and have the dead meat in the other one. Again, it's the little details like this one that can make all the difference in setting the scene for a story. You set up the mystery really well with the missing wagon, too - what has happened to cause its delay/non arrival? You would think the promise of that much fresh meat would have been enough to cause them to hurry.

 

Of course, the revelation of what had indeed happened in the town in Utred's absence is not completely surprising, though it is definitely horrifying. I find it interesting that they were searching for him, and I'm unsure whether that is because he is the chief's son, or because they have heard some rumour of his magical abilities. Nice use of suspense at the end, too. I assume Utred will survive, but if that stick was cracked by an attacker's foot then who knows what will happen next?

 

cheers Mel.



Author's Response:

Good to see again too melian, and many thanks for the constuctive points you make. I won't repeat myself, but its all good stuff for when I get to these chapters for re edit. I have had Betas (plural) for these stories in the past, but don't have one at present. Sadly those I have had have left the fanfic comunity it seems. Any way on to the rest of your review.

The Parking was something I introduced in the story before this one, infact there is a lot more to Grimmauld Place than may be apparent in this story. My fault really, I shall have to come up with a title for it and group the stories in a series. 

Again, with the Dursleys, I think this is a problem I hadn't considered when writing this because it is a sequel rather than just a stand alone story. The Dursleys have come a distance through the stories I have written that come before this, so you are missing some back story that got them to this point (In fact for the 20th century parts you are missing back story for all of the characters, there are also a few elements for both stories you may not "get" completely).  Briefly the path they have been on has meant that Dudley has grown in many ways, Petunia is realising a few things as a result (She and Dudley defy Vernon openly at one point) and Vernon is being left behind through his own pigheadedness and is trying to force things back into his comfort zone. 

I have alternated which period is at the start of each chapter in this story, not sure why I did, but it seemed the right thing to do at the time. So Chapter 3 starts with the 10th century part.

Once again, my thanks for your review, I am glad you are enjoying this story and hope you continue to do so.
My best wishes.
Tgfoy



Name: melian (Signed) · Date: 31 Jan 2020 11:59 PM · For: Destiny's Journey Begins.

Hi! I saw this on the archive and it looked really interesting. I like time shift stories and I really admire people who attempt them, because both the logistics of how the stories intertwine and the research required are frankly kind of daunting.

 

Now, I'm going to split this review into two parts - part 1 is going to be some constructive crit (which I hope you don't mind), while part 2 is going to be what I liked about the story.

 

Firstly, some crit. I found two things kept getting in the way of how I enjoyed the story. I admit I'm a bit of a grammar pedant, but often I'll just let things slide because honestly it's not that big a deal. Here, though, they were probably too numerous for me to just ignore. The first thing is sentence structure. There are a LOT of comma splices where probably a semicolon would have been a better choice, and a number of the earlier sentences in the descriptive part are very long and quite hard to follow. Also you have a habit of capitalising ordinary nouns, eg Gemstones, Hare, Wold, Cousin etc, which may be a stylistic choice but if so it's hard to see what the purpose is. It can't be and Old English thing because you do it in the current era bit as well. Finally, some errant apostrophes (eg pillar's), some mistaken homonyms (leaches instead of leeches, death throws instead of death throes), and at least one point of view change, where just after Utred's first kill there is talk of "my soul" rather than "his soul". None of these things are terrible in and of themselves, but they do make reading the story a little more distracting than it should be.

 

Oh - and it might be worth mentioning at the start that you end the chapter with a glossary. It was a pleasant surprise but I would have checked it more than once during the chapter if I'd known about it.

 

Other than that, though - amazing start! As I said earlier, the amount of research that must have gone into this is incredible. I was just enjoying the description of life in the tenth century and completely forgot this was a HP story so when the allusions to Utred being magic came up, I was kind of taken by surprise. But really, the depth of understanding you show is fantastic. I see you have experience in archaeology and that goes some way to explaining it, but it feels above and beyond that even. The little asides like the 20 year old girl on her 7th pregnancy, for example, or the description of how a seven year old boy was expected to know how to fight and kill (as the mother of an 8yo, this is especially chilling). Childhood was very short in those days, wasn't it?

 

I also loved seeing the Dursleys (not Dursley's, by the way) seen from their neighbours' points of view. I'd never before really thought about that, and Privet Drive always seemed rather innocuous to me. Do you know that song, Little Boxes, by Malvina Reynolds? I always thought of it like that. Or a kind of Stepford community, where everything is the same. We hear in the books about Vernon and Petunia trying their hardest not to seem different from everyone else, but of course the neighbours must have noticed things. And I'd never thought about how much quieter Little Whinging (not Winging - another typo) must have been with them gone. But of course Vernon is blusterous and Petunia is a gossip so their absence would make a difference.

 

I really like this as the start of a story and I'm very keen to read on.

 

cheers Mel



Author's Response:

Hello Melian, Many thanks for your review, it really is appreciated. No I don't mind constructive crit at all, it helps me get better and none of us are goof proof after all, and I thank you for your comments. I am re editing my works to try to catch such errors with the help of a new addon on my word processing software, but am yet to reach this story and update it. I am glad you are enjoying the story, which is the sequel to my other Novel in this fandom (Essence of Revenge) although the Dursleys story in this arc begins in "To Hide a Dursley". I agree that on the face of it Privet Drive could seem a little Stepfordish, however I saw it as people after a quiet life rather than not noticing little things and being puzzled by them. The Historical notes being at the end was something I did in others of my stories and expecting people to have read them before this it didn't stirke me to mention it for this one in particular, however it would also help that if I had perhaps linked them as a series in that case, but it is a good point. 
I have spent most of my career looking at this period so am glad you enjoyed the insights (as the father of 3 children, who are now adults, I agree it is very scary how short childhood was for those that made it beyond infancy. A hard time certainly, yet also full of wonders. Although I don't shy away from the less than comfortable, even brutal aspects of life in that period, I hope I don't dwell on them and show the other aspects of life then as well as this story continues.
Many thanks once again for your review, I hope you will enjoy the rest too.
Best wishes.
Tgfoy 



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 19 Jan 2020 01:39 AM · For: Elves and Phoenix.

Interesting pair of weddings at Hogwarts!  (Hate to say it by I would have thought Minerva would be too old for Kingsley, but then, this isn't canon)! Hermoine not only caught the bouquet(and eventually Ron) but an ancient ghost to boot!  Thorfin appears to be leading an anceint version of Deathknibblers but I wonder if they realize he's a dipstick!?!  Me thinks Styr the schmuck is in for an unpleasant surprise!   Loved your history info at the end as well as I've  always been a history buff!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Many thanks as usual Aurorofthelight, glad you enjoyed it. I thought Minerva deserved some happiness, Kingsley too and their romance has been hinted at in both Essence and this, that said yes there is an age diference. Mind theres one between the other couple too. Thorfin is a chip off the old block isn't he. Anyway much appreciate your comments, as you know I always look forward to them, even if I am not giving much away (sorry).
Best wishes.
Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 11 Jan 2020 07:31 PM · For: Return and Restitution.

So great to see a new chapter - was starting to get worried about you!   Constantine wasn't the king we were expecting but at least they have the chance to prepare for Styr the schmuck!  Hermoine certainly seems into finding out about her forebear Utred!  So pleasurable to see Fatboy finally get his comeuppance!  Bet  he'll have apoplexy when he finds out who owns Grunnings and his house - or who may own the house!  Hope you and yours had happy holidays!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Hi Aurorofthelight sorry to get you worrying my friend, December is just a hectic month, having the family round on the big day is actually the easiest part, even with me cooking believe it or not. Glad you enjoyed the chapter, progress in both eras, still more to come. Many thanks for reviewing. Hopefully not long until the nest one is up, it will be in the queue in the next day or two. 
Hope you had a good festive season too.
Best wishes
Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 07 Dec 2019 08:39 PM · For: The Loudest Cheer

Love this one lots!  Sad memorial turned to joy for the twins upon learning they are now Weasleys!  Another set of Weasley twins - heaven help us!  Should be interesting to see what  Moine finds out about her being Utred's heir!  Interesting competition at Hogwarts yesteryear - almost like magical Olympics - and a nice touch with the first house cup!  Surprised that King Doofus showed up at the gates!  Methinks he underestimates his opponents!  Hope he becomes giant squid food!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Really gad you enjoyed it, yes especially with the remaining origina twin to help them. :D Mione has much to learn and discover. I wanted some competition at the school pre Quidditch, which seems to have monopolised sport at the school later, perhaps an example of things not necessarily improving in the modern era. I woud feel sorry for the Squid, not sure healers could treat the after effects of injesting "King Doofus". ;D
Many thanks as aways.
Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 07 Dec 2019 01:01 AM · For: The King, The Bishop and the Hogs Back.

Well Styr is certainly a stinker but I suspect he'll get his comeuppance at Hogwarts!  Interesting that Hermoine is apparently the heir of Utred!  This is getting really fun!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

 



Author's Response:

Many thanks Aurrofthelight. Yep he is isn't he. Glad you are enjoying it still.
Best wishes
Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 24 Nov 2019 11:51 PM · For: A Future to Forge.

Sorry I've been out of pocket!  My dad was in the hospital then rehab due to a fall so I've been looking out for Mom!  He's home now so I'm alot less distracted!  Good to see this story still coming along! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Hi Aurorofthelight, very glad your dad is doing OK now, I have parents in their mid 80s so understand completely. Please wish yours well from me.

Lots of love.

Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 24 Nov 2019 11:46 PM · For: A Future to Forge.

Things seem to be running smoothly at WWW Hogsmeade and Dudley is certainly a good manager!  Petunia is settling in as a professor!  Great that the twins are Gryffindors and made the Quiddich team!  So sad about Maggie but so great the Molly and Arthur agreed to become their guardians!  They'll be well cared for!  Considering the twits the Dursliegs are it's no wonder their ancestors, at least Vernon and his sister, are the same.  Was fun to see the first sorting by the hat!  Can't help but wonder if Voldeschmuck is an heir of that scumbag Styr!?!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Many thanks as always Aurorofthelight, what a fantastic idea about  "Voldeschmuck" never thought of that, love it. :D :D

Best wishes as always.

Tgfoy.



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 24 Nov 2019 10:06 PM · For: The Gift of Merlin.

Getting busier in the old times!  Hope Hogwarts gets the warning in good time!  I don't trust the Archbishop or the  King any futher than I could spit them!  Cool that you had the sorting hat was a gift from Merlin to Godric!  Looks like Petunia and Dudley are settling right in at Hogwarts and Hogsmeade!  Glad the twins were accepted by their Gryffindor houesemates but  I don't trust those Slytherins - some of them will never learn!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Many Thanks Aurorofthelight, glad to see you here, I was beginning to wonder if you were ok, so relieved to see you back and reviewing. Yes things are getting moving in the distant past, and those two in particular are playing for power. Just like those Slytherins, there are always people in life who will never learn, sadly.
Best wishes as always.
tgfoy 



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 16 Oct 2019 10:47 PM · For: Diversions.

 Alot of action in the current time in this one!  Looks like WWW is ready for business in Hogsmeade!  Really enjoyed the Quiddich match and Dudley and the twins reactions!  Sad about Eli  and Maggie but the twins have plenty of people that care about them! That stinker Styr is still plotting but the archbishop sure put a kink in his plans! Methinks the bishop is up to no good, and Styr knows it!   Good to see the Weasle  twins were up to mischief even in the old days! Can't wait to see what is in that scroll at the end!



Author's Response:

Many thanks Aurorofthelight, yes things are moving for the Weasleys, yep I think Styr and the Archbishop are desperate that the other doesn't discover what each is upto before they are ready.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Best wishes
Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 09 Oct 2019 10:09 PM · For: Octo equestrian

This was an interesting chapter, especially the Sliepnir!  Styr is a real twit and Salazar is right to be wary of him! They definitely need to finish the castle construction and set more wards!  Looks like Dudley & Petunia are all set for life in the magical world!  Ol Vernon will have a cow when he finds out Harry and Ginnt own Grunnings!  Can't wait to see what Bill helps them find out a Gringotts!  Really enjoying this unique story!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Glad you are still enjoying it, Aurorofthelight, many thanks for reviewing. I love poking Vernon a bit, even better if I can get Marg as well to be honest, they are easy targets, but imagining their responses is always fun.
Best wishes
Tgfoy



Name: Aurorofthelight (Anonymous) · Date: 27 Sep 2019 10:08 PM · For: A Right Royal Rumble

Wowsers! This was certainly an action packed chapter! I'm impressed by how Dud handled his jerk of a father and his obnoxious aunt - with help from Harry and the Aurors! Nice to see Ron and Hermoine getting settled in their new home, but I'm concerned about the effect of the Whitby bit on Mione! Really enjoyed seeing the four Hogwarts Founder opening the school and securing it, which appears to be a good thing with King Styr the schmuck's schemeing (He reminds me of Voldeschmuck)! He may be in for an unpleasent surprise if he tries to attack the school!  Seems Utred and company have settled right in and found ladies to love!  Really enjoying this story and the historical aspects!  :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



Author's Response:

Many Thanks Aurorofthelight, very pleased you enjoyed it. Sorry I haven't responded until now, real life has got in the way in the last few days. Yes things are getting interesting for some characters, but we have a way to go yet.

Best wishes

Tgfoy



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