Taylor!!! :D :D :D
Here for your request, my dear! Sorry if it took me a bit longer than I hoped...
This chapter was wonderful just as always! Poor Lily, being so hurt and confused by James' reaction and by her own feelings and by how they fight with her bet... although I agree with Marlene 100% here, she really should set aside her stupid pride and forget the bet and just be happy with James! What's wrong with you, Lily??? But I know she's not going to listen, so... I only hope whichever her plan is, it isn't going to ruin things with poor James too much... I mean, it probably won't because James is just too invested in her (plus, he has a bet to win himself :P), but... I'm still a little bit worried... I guess we'll see... ;)
Talking about James, he's absolutely adorable! I love him so, so much! I want a James Potter, where do I find one? :P Their banter during breakfast was just adorable and perfect and so funny! And their confrontation afterwards... that was so perfect, too! From the way it started, it could've easily turned into a disaster, so I'm so glad James managed to communicate what was actually botherin him, and Lily's response made my heart melt! I love those two soooo much! <3 <3 <3
I don't really know what else to say except repeating once again that this story is perfect and wonderful, you are wonderful and an absolute genius and I love you!
I'll be eagerly waiting the next chapter! :D <3
Lots of love and snowball hug,
Taylor, I’m getting all mushy about these two and I just want them to get married and have baby Harry, like today!
I thought it was totally hilarious that this chapter began with James realising he was going to publicly announcing he lost the bet with Lily - does that foreshadow what's to come at the end of the story, I wonder? And I wonder exactly what he would have said about Lily? Something adorable I reckon, especially after that "literal goddess" comment - what a sweetheart.
You really 'get' these characters. I love reading the bits they don't say as it really makes the dialogue that much more punchy and natural, which makes it a really great read.
Lily, spending all of the night before thinking about James was actually the cutest thing and then them being all domesticated washing the dishes on their date (more on THAT later) made me sqeeee.
I thought their interviewing strategy was great with James standing and Lily sitting and them having their respective roles in the interview room was pretty natural for a couple of cops - especially going with the good cop/bad cop vibe. The fact they had a great history with getting results in an interview room totally means they’re destined to have a great future as they work well together, right? RIGHT? Please tell me that’s what’s happening because I might cry otherwise.
Anyway, shouting aside, I love that Crouch, Bellatrix and Voldemort crop up as the bad guys James and Lily are tracking down. It makes me giddy whenever a canon character appears in these AUs. It’s the same with Dumbledore’s Phoenix picture, I just love it all!
Mario Kart is literally the only game I've ever been able to play, I’m not a gamer at all, so was so happy they picked that one to play!
You are totally writing any kind of sex scene that anyone has ti have in their stories from now on - I mean it.
Hilariously, one thing stood out to me throughout it all (which probably says more about me than I'd like): “although she’s got half a mind to go ahead and fold it now, because leaving clothes in a heap really isn’t something she enjoys doing” - for real though, I liked that they made cheeky jokes the whole way through. It’s like they’ve been together forever and just seem to know how to tease each other and make each other laugh, even in the sauciest of moments.
They’re both total goners aren’t they? I honestly am dreading the fallout that’ll inevitably happen when they both find out about the bet, because I’m a total sucker for happy endings, but if I know you, you like to torture your characters before letting them have that…so hopefully they don’t hate each other TOOOOO much during the bet reveal, eh?
Sorry this is all over the place, there was so much to talk about!
Right, so I’m starting off with the fact that Lily’s ex-boyfriends are total tools. I hate that she thinks all those traits are her ‘worst’ according to the ex-boyfriends - they’re the best things! She’s cheeky, competitive, confident and fun, what’s wrong with that?!
Bahhha Kingsley’s reaction to finding out they kissed was hilarious - almost like he’s just as invested in their relationship as everyone else.
Though Umbridge? YOU BROUGHT IN DELORES UMBRIDGE? Taylor, how could you even go there, especially putting her in such a high-ranking position. Couldn’t you give her a really annoying job, like somewhere else maybe? However, I loved that Umbridge is the one who always makes the place look like something else to the public, it’s just like her character we all know and loathe. Also, she’s making their lives even more difficult, which is, again, just like her. You wrote her really well, which just makes me detest her all over again, so great job!
Snape is an interesting one. I love that you’ve written him as slightly superior than James and co, and him taking the limelight whenever he can. It was a great role for him, but I’d love to see him. Taken down a peg or two soon. I thought maybe he and Lily might have been a bit friendly, but I really like how you’ve written their relationship as him being a bit creepy and asking her out.
By the way, I loved the balloon analogy about an ego and will definitely be pinching that for a future conversation I’m now praying to have with someone!
I thought Lily opening up to James and talking about school and her mum getting sick was great. James’ internal thoughts about what it’s like not to be wealthy and living a different kind of life really made that section for me, I thought it was great characterisation that he was not the snobby rich kid, but an adult who could recognise not everyone had a privileged life. It kind of really cuts into their childhoods and lives in canon and I love how you got that in there in such a natural chatty way. They’re really connecting and I love it.
I adore how both Lily and James are totally into the whole dating each other thing. James is falling for her hard and Lily is almost embarrassed that she might actually lose the bet because she’s falling for him too - that final paragraph was so funny - he's turning her into a puddle, awww! I’m far too invested in these two and I’m only three chapters in!
You are like a master in dialogue and all the characters have very distinctive voices here, which makes it even more enjoyable to read. I'm loving all of them already.
UGH, Peter’s feet - the fact this warrants a mention makes me gag so please don’t go there again. I though throwing in James’s star sign was cool and spot on that he didn’t have a clue whether it was right and that they were Gryffindor traits, so great characterisation there!
OH THE FLIRTING! The moved coke can, the button on the blouse, leaning over the desk, all of it was amazing!
There’s so much canon references in this chapter which I loved. The Flourish and Blotts stationary, Gellert as Dumbledore’s husband, Albus walking around like he’s wearing robes, the long-flowing beard made me grin too as I adore canon Jily too much. I cackled when James remembered almost calling Dumbledore Gandalf as well! I can just imagine him actually doing that.
So Lily asking James out was pretty brave of her (of course, she’s a Gryffindor!) and I love that she didn’t dither about it either, she just cam out with it, which was awesome. James, the cocky one, reckons he’s going to win this bet hands down which is hilarious. Brilliant!!
COOLEST FIRST DATE EVER by the way! I can just imagine them getting a real kick out of it, especially being on the police force and applying their actual job strategy while playing an actual game, so that was so clever. Also, it shows off their competitive nature with each other and I loved how Lily won - she’ll be gloating about it forever.
The pair of them seemed to be so comfortable as well in their conversations and I loved how James felt it was easy to open up to her. He talked to her about the bullying and punching people who’ve hurt him, even though he knows it wasn’t great. Also, I love that James is bisexual (unless he identifies as something else, I don’t know!) because it’s such an interesting character trait that I don’t think I’ve read about him before.
THAT KISS! It was super hot and totally like they BOTH wanted it to happen for ages, not just James. I reckon Lily’s been totally hiding her feelings for him, maybe even to herself as she did say she found him fairly good looking and funny, but I think she likes him just as much as he likes her.
Anyway, I love this and I’m really sorry about all the caps! Off to read the next chapter!
I’ve been meaning to stop by this forever because JILY - I love them so freaking much! And How to Lose a Guy was hilarious back in the day. I’m a bit late to the B99 party, but I’m making my way through it, so maybe this will give me a kick to getting on with it.
This is a really awesome concept and you had me at the very first sentence, which immediately I wanted to know what they were both up to and I thought the split situations was a really great idea. I already love your characters and that Sirius is known for filling vending machines with rotten vegetables and Black’s Drawer Of Horror…could we expect anything else from him?! And that Peter’s cheese tasting demonstrations is so infamous it happens to be their terms of the bet - brilliant!
I thought the whole four-drink thing was such a hilarious idea because it actually exists in my friendship group, so this really made me laugh and I loved that it carried on throughout the chapter when things with the bet got really serious.
Anyway sober AND drunk Lily is competitive, which makes her a total Gryffindor even in the AU. You’ve got James, Sirius, Peter and Remus all spot on too - their comments on the different beer tastes really made me laugh. And also how they got their nicknames was perfect - it’s like you’ve thought of everything! If you ever want to spin that off I’m totally here for it by the way because they sound incredible: James escaping and diffusing a hostage situation using nothing but an unloaded gun and a fork - I mean come on! And I really want to find out what Remus’ story about his nickname is, though I can only guess!
I also thought it was great that Lily admits - to herself at least - that she kind of fancies James and that he has so much respect for her that he doesn’t want her to get hurt.
I’m obsessed with this already, so onto the next chapter!
Now I am here for the CMDC event, Round 1! And OMG how is this story so utterly amazing??
I really, really loved this. I'm kind of nervous about writing "real" content that counts toward review characters, because I just want to squee for days, tbh.
You capture so much chemistry between James and Lily. I really don't know how you do that. It was awesome the Lily beat him to the punch of asking him out, and then the laser tag date was so on brand. And I think it was smart because that sort of combative activity is a natural tension builder in a story.
I love that this story is as shamelessly liberal and inclusive and feminist as it's source material, by the way. The whole exchange over who pays, and sexist assumptions about who pays, was perfect. And his reasons for punching that guy, and his anxiety about the red cutty comment. All men should aspie to this, why is this not normal? But in any case, I love it! <3
You write the dialogue between them so well - it's very flirty and natual and their mutual tendency toward wit shows that they are more similar than they first appear, that they are both intlligent and compassionate people.
I'm trying to think of something helpful to say but all I can think of is i wouldn't mind more visual description of them purely because I keep pictyuring Jake and Amy instead of James and Lily by mistake lol.
Also i do not care at all about bets right now they just need to be together, end of.
you are truly the JilyMaster.
Hello Taylor! I'm here with your challenge review. EVEN THOUGH it's a review event and I can't count this for the event, I have been wanting to read this so much that I'm going for it anyway.
I have to say, your choice of "blanks" for thia challengeis 100% genius, and you're executing it to perfection so far!
Here are my B99-Mauraders character match ups. Please let me know if i'm right :P
James = Jake
Lily = Amy
Marlene = Gina
Mary = Rosa
Peter = Charles
Sirius and Remus = Hitchhock and Scully ??? (seems cruel lol)
Kingsley = Terry
Dumbledore = Captain Holt
"a particularly problematic cop in the Major Crimes Unit" = The Vulture
FENWICK = TEDDY (I seriously died with the pilsner jokes)
Still waiting eagerly for Pimento and Doug Judy :D
I think you did a perfect job of characterizing everyone with equal reference to HP and B99, while the 10 Days plot is clearly well incorporate. So, kind of a gold standrd for [blank] x [blank] execution. (This is the first review I'm leaving for this challenge and wow I do not envy the other entries right now.)
I LOVED your explanations for the Marauder nicknames. A lot of time I find them contrived in AUs, but having them come from cases actually makes so much sense.
One thing I love about your jily characterzation is that on the exterior, James seems more outgoing and bold, and Lily seems more reserved. But inside, James is soft and insecure, and Lily is daring. It's such a nice contrast and in addition, it rings true for both the canon HP characters and the canon B99 characters, which I think is very insightful of you.
Do you ever feel mad at JKR for putting a Marlene and a Mary in the same generation of characters? Because I do. ANYWAYS.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE how James won't agree to the bet until he is convinced it doesn't objectify Lily. And actually, despite his absolute silliness, I think Jake is also a good feminist ally and I LOVE THESE CHARACTER SO MUCH.
Long story short, this is hiliarious and perfectly characterized and I am very very excited to read more! Nice job and good luck in the challenge!
I feel certain that somebody has already said this to you before, but what an awesome idea for a story! Taking all these characters and putting them in a completely unrelated setting (to wit: police officers...in America...in the Muggle (???) world) creates a fresh spin on the Jily story. I am a sucker for cop dramas and cop comedy, so I am digging this! The characterizations we love from canon are alive and well here, translated into the microcosm of life that is a detective bureau (I work with a lot of cops, and the way these characters each ave their idiosyncracies and habits that get on one another's nerves is spot on).
I love the parallel scenes here with each of our main characters out getting smashed with their friends (down to the fact that both James and Lily are each on their 4th drink), and how Peter's homemade cheese is so infamous that both groups independently think to use that as their "punishment."
I also really like how you've tied the Marauders' nicknames in to cases they've investigated - what a clever way to continue using their nicknames here. I hope to learn more about Moony's caper! And James's tbh.
I can see why this won an award for best dialogue; it's natural and sharp.
Some great quotes I loved here:
But she’s just crossed the threshold into Four-Drink Lily, and Four-Drink Lily has conversational grace equivalent to Peter doing ballet. That is to say, none whatsoever.
I look forward to continuing to read this and your other takes on Jily. :)
I'm loving this so much! The concept is brilliant and hilarious though I never would have even thought to put them all together in a million years. Desperately hoping Lily's plans fail but even if they don't I can't wait to see what happens next!
Asdfghjkl I read this while at work and I actively had to prevent my self from screaming and giggling with joy so I'm going to scream here in text form (out of love for your writing and this story) it's so so well written and the characters feel so right and not forced into the confines of the b99 characters they're paired with. Like they're still themselves as James, Lily, etc as ive gotten to know them throw FanFiction and that HASNT been scrapped to try and fit them exactly into the b99 characters they portray. Just SO SO good AHHHHHHHHHHGG
OH MAN THERE WERE SO MANY ADORABLE FEELINGS IN THIS CHAPTER. And then James had to go and ruin it at the end! Nice going, James.
But wow, I really needed this story tonight! The ratio of sweet domestic fluffiness to everything else was THROUGH THE ROOF (not a mathematician), and I just felt flutter after happy flutter as each paragraph progressed. Because who doesn’t love a pining Jily? Especially a bed-sharing, cat-loving, snuggling, hand-holding pining Jily? NO ONE, THAT’S WHO.
I love the concept of snuggles. For some reason, they’re the part of cute romantic stories that make me the happiest—snuggling is so cozy! You feel warm and happy! I want my favorite characters to feel warm and happy! Ergo, snuggles. So I loved that James woke up in this hazy dream, already in this loving state of existence (tsk can’t believe it took him many thousand words to come to the realization that he was falling in love with Lily). I also loved that the numbness of his arm was the determiner for whether or not he was in a dream-state or not, haha. :P BUT THE CAT. There’s no true James/Lily fic in this world without a cat that immediately falls in love with Lily.
The cat also provided excellent fodder for one of my absolute favorite lines of banter in this chapter: “How can you not like this face?” she says, moving to run the back of her hand along Godric’s cheek. / “How can you not like this one?”
You know what I’ve been thinking about? How it makes complete sense that James is head over heels for Lily! I mean, in addition to experiencing all these great, heartstring-tugging domestic moments with her (again, this cat is I think the reason why Lily is also evidently falling in love with James, who needs to give himself a good smack), he’s known her for years. And I think this is a perfect example of James having approached the tipping point in previous years, just getting to know her a little more here and there and liking her more each time, and then so when he finally gets the opportunity to actually be with her for a little bit, BAM. He’s fallen in. I feel like this happens to people all the time! (A really quick slight off-topic story—feel free to skip the parentheses if you get bored! :P But I’ve heard about this one couple who somehow got engaged after dating for nine days. I am fairly positive that it was not the James situation, because I don’t think they were very familiar with one another before they started dating, but that’s mindboggling! James’s situation kind of reminded me of that. :P If you ever want to write a Jily fic where this nine-day engagement happens, I would gladly read it hahaha.)
I loved the setup of the random cabin renting hahaha. I mean, of course Sirius and Remus would do this. Of course they would split a bottle of wine between the two of them and get drunk and then for some reason search through Airbnb. :P Everything about this section of the chapter was just so sweet—I can’t believe that James and Lily just went and HELD HANDS. LIKE A COUPLE. It’s astonishing, and I’m very proud of them! Very proud of Lily for the way she revealed their initially secret tryst. (Is that word too old-fashioned?)
Ugh the end. It seemed like James really, really loved her there. <3
I really want Lily’s perspective on this whole thing!! AHH. Really wonderful chapter!
hey hey taylor, i'm here as your resident fangirl with a gift in the form of a squee-y review for your birthday!
i absolutely LOOOOOVED this chapter!!! you can tell how much i loved it by my uncharacteristic use of caps lock :P
it was just this one big awwww through the whole thing *_*
and godric is the amazing kitty that i need more of.
james and lily and their morning after (heh) were perfectly domestic and poor james for having to put up with all of the events of this chapter (and the previous one) and already falling in love with her when she's being all coy and kinda sneaky and jokey. but we all know she's falling for him. right? RIGHT? she has to, it's been decided by grumpy cat, the supreme ruler of the universe. so.
i also love love love the fact that sirius, even with the bet, he's still being james' best friend and he's rooting for the two of them. he's always joking around and all that, but we all know he'd do anything for james (and vice versa) so i appreciate the little things that show that, even with his joke-y personality. ^_^
in any case. *grabby hands at next chapter*
Aaaah!!! This is so wonderful and I don't even have the words to describe it!!! They are so perfect, and your writing is so perfect and I'm just so happy!!! <3 <3 <3
I loved the first scene, the domesticity of it... the way James feels about her is just so sweet and pure and... I love it! I just can't get enough of those two! I adored the playful teasing, and Godrid, nd just about everything! It's so good, that's all!
Remus and Sirius booking a cabin in the mountains because they were drunk is... hilarious! :P Also, a thing I can totally imagine them doing! Or at least, a thing I can totally imagine Sirius doing! :P It's such a great idea in any case! :D
Sirius has managed to find the other bedroom, and above this bed is yet another kitschy decal. Except this time, it's the silhouettes of a stag and doe. Oh, Merlin! This is genius! You're a genius! And of course James would be so keen on bad deer puns! The possibilities are staggering. Brilliant!
And, oh, my! The way Lily shuts Sirius up by saying that she and James already had sex! :O I wouldn't have expected this from her... but in hindsight it's definitely something she would do/say! And I absolutely love that she's way more nonchalant than James is! I love it! (Did I ever tell you that your characterization is brilliant? I'm sure I have...)
I loved the hiking, and the Diet Coke vs Regular Coke argument (I'd suggest no Coke at all, but that's pointless), and the talk between Sirius and James, and just about everything! The levels of Lily's drunkness were so much fun, too, and the dancing bit was so romantic... poor James, having that moment of panic... things are progressing very quickly, so I can understand, but also... it's Jily, they are made for each other, no reason to panic at all! (James is so adorable, though...)
As usual this isn't really a review but more an incoherent blubbering... but I hope that's alright... it means I'm absolutely in love with everything you write and the way you write it, after all! <3
Thank you for stopping by my thread! And wonderful job as always!
All my love and snowball hug,
I'm here for our swap!
I love your opening lines about the smells within the office. it really sets the scene with these details but it's also a bit of humour in there. I love that Lily is worrying about who was going to refill it when she's gone. it's actually an awesome characterisation for Lily into knowing that she thinks about things like that drives her character forward.
i'm already thinking that these two are adorable. i think james is kinda adorable noticing that it's her hangover drink. he is being a big dork and totally over thinking everything that he is saying that it's so good though. i'm really enjoying his awkward flirting inner monologue. i think you've done a really great job at moving between Lily and James narrating. it's really smooth flow to things which i think it's different to get right. i love au for the details that get added into the story - dumbledore as captain is perfect. marlene is again a gift to this story.
i love dumbles nickname and gellert is his husband. omggg. i love it so much. i'm feeling the parallels between dumbledore and holt. the dragon's blood reference is so good!!
i know this story won best dialogue at the pogs. i see why. all the banter is great and it pops so well. i think it's one of the strengths in your writing that you can create such believable relationships via this. i do like the section of texts between sirirus/james so not quite dialogue but similar thing. i always have a lot of fun when reading your work.
the extreme sports on a first date reminds me of hitch because i watched it but i was expecting water sports but laser tag is cool. i love how competitive they are with each other! I'm not surprised going by the bet though. kiss was really good, some great imagery used. it makes me excited about the next chapters to see how it goes!
Hey Taylor! :) Dropping by for our review swap and omggg I'm so glad you're back on this story for NaNo because it's so good and I was pining away a bit for the next chapter :P (Look it's not my fault, okay?) (And I suppose it does give me time to attempt to catch up with reviewing it? :P)
Every time I read this story I remember just how good you are at getting the blend of all three fandoms in this: Brooklyn 99, How to Lose a Guy, HP... it just works so so well, becoming its own cohesive storyline and I love it - and the characters are just so perfect for it, too. Lily and James just are an HP version of Jake and Amy and I love the way you kinda layer their characters on top of each other - I never really think of Jake saying them, it's always James, but there's the same kind of bouncy, witty feel to all your dialogue and I love it. It's so so so good.
And ahhhhhh omg omg omg. Date 1 already! :D I love how Lily chose laser tag, how he thinks he's about to win and she turns the tables on him - and how she's annoyed about the waiter assuming James is going to pay (fun story: that happened to me once when at lunch with a friend. There's something awkward about it, too, I think, in the moment), and how James is paying - but only because he lost their bet. It just sort of sums them up: they have a lot of witty, quick-fire banter, and it gets a bit flirty at times, but not too bad. And they both just know each other so well: she knows what's on his desk and how long it's been there; he knows what food she likes and when. It's the little things like that which build up this whole idea of this really genuine friendship with all those latent romantic feelings :P
Also, Lily's right: Thai red currey is great, it's true :P
I'm so curious to know how much/little the robbing of the bodegas is going to come into this: will it turn out to be bigger than they thought, will the ultimate take-down of the bodega robbers turn out to be the Big Moment when they realise they're in love? Will they get awkwardly distracted by each other on stake-out and have to make up for it later? I want to know!
I gotta say - and I'm not sure if I said this in my last review - but the details in this are incredible. It's just so detailed and so on point and just so good. Like how Sirius plays the gay card whenever he can; Lily and her large iced coffees when she's hungover; Gellert as a financial planner (which cracks me up. And is also slightly terrifying :P); the way Lily has to kinda almost physically collect herself after kissing him - the way he asks if he can kiss her (which, honestly. So damn romantic <3)... the extra undone button, Peter being afraid of Mary - it's just so in-depth and so realistic and it builds this world you're creating in this story so so well and so intricately and I love it. I'm slightly jealous about how easily you slip it all in, without destroying the word count, haha - it's impressive! ;)
A great chapter, a great story and moarrrr please :D
Hey Taylor! I'm here with one of your (extremely belated) prize reviews from my Broadway Musical Song Challenge! :)
KINGSLEY IS TERRY CREWS OH MY GOD HECK YES TAYLOR!! *ahem* Sorry, just had to get that out of the way first :P Okay so the one extra undone button was definitely purposeful on Lily's part -- she's too meticulous of a person for it to be like that otherwise, and it was purely for James's benefit. It's also not a TaylorTM story without some very necessary f-bombs in conversation, so well done there. I love the subtle canon/HP references you tuck in throughout here too, especially as James & Lily are talking over their Thai food. It pulls us back into the HP universe without it being a hard tug, and still lets us enjoy some of that canon characterization in this B99/How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days mashup. The backstory you're giving each of them through these anecdotes is so wonderful and honestly I'm loving bi James!! AND THEN WE GET A GOOD OLD FASHIONED MAKEOUT UP AGAINST THE BRICK WALL OF HER BUILDING OMG TAYLOR YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE!!! I will legitimately be back later for the rest of this story because damn I didn't know I needed this in my life until I did. Fantastic second chapter Taylor, I'm looking forward to reading more!! :)
Hey Taylor! I’m here with one of your (extremely belated) prize reviews from my Broadway Musical Song Challenge! :)
As you very well know, I love a good Jily, and this Brooklyn Nine-Nine and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days mashup just screams Jily perfection. While I haven’t fully watched B99 (it’s on my list, don’t @ me) and it’s probably been a few years since I’ve seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the character choices you make just seems to fit exactly as it should. I like the fact that you’ve really incorporated plot elements of the beginning of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with both the ladies and the guys making their bets, and the fact that they both choose one of the punishments for losing to be sitting through one of Peter’s cheese tastings. It’s such a weird thing to have to bet against, so I can’t wait to see how this plays out! This is a nice, deep start to what I’m sure is going to be a great novel! From my limited B99 knowledge, Lily is Amy and James is Jake, with the other Marauders being the other officers in the precinct, but I’m not sure who Holt is yet (unless it’s Dumbledore and I just missed that) so this should be quite an interesting story. Great opening chapter, Taylor! :)
Taylor!! <3 I’m here to leave you a review for being of the best staffers ever (you’ve doing such crazy good work with the finale, I’m so amazed by you) and also just to keep reading this wonderful story hehe. I’ve been rewatching B99 a lot recently so this fic has been on my mind.
Ohmygod fhis chapter. I’m going to die of the cuteness, honestly. All the little details continue to be the best, like Peter’s smelly feet and Dumbles/Dumble-D (Dumble-D rendered me fairly useless for a full minute, it was so funny :P), and scary Mary. I love seeing all of the B99 elements and it just works so absurdly perfectly in this fic, and is one of the reasons why it’s so easy to get sucked into this fic.
The other readon is, of course, the Jily. Ohmygod. I’m going to melt, or my heart is going to spontaneously combust, I ship them so hard. I love how perceptive and attuned they are to one another’s habits and mannerisms; I think that’s so adorable, how much they think about each other. I love that James is already thinking about things that would be different if Lily wasn’t at the precinct and that he starts cleaning his desk to prepare for the bet. He’s putting in a really good effort hehe.
Lily is so stunning snd confident and amazing and I love her and have a huge crush on her. The button popping? ICONIC. I also love how well she understands James, and her choice for their first date. I think that’s something I love about Jily and Peraltiago—the sense of mutual understanding, and they genuinely want to know more about each other.
The laser tag scene was hilarious and so cute. I think the only thing that would’ve made it better is if there’d been an extended scene about them teaming up to take down one of those annoying teenagers, and they both got entirely too invested in defeating the teenagers. (Makes me think of that asshole kid from Parks and Rec who drove Leslie insane. I can’t remember his name but I hope you know what I’m talking about ._.)
and then the rest of the date! Ohmygod, I love this so much. I think this is a perfect illustration of a good, healthy, respectful date. I think I mentioned in my last review that I love how James is just such a decently respectful guy but it’s even clearer here. He’s so attuned to his own behaviors, careful to not overstep boundaries. I loved the bit about suggesting the red curry, and then backtracking to make sure that Lily knew exactly why he suggested it—not to make decisions for her, but simply because he knows her and thinks she’d like it. It’s something so simple but guys are typically such trash so this is extra attractive to me.
The conversation about beating people up cements just how much I adore James. I think his self-awareness is also insanely attractive. He just...gets it. Like on the one hand, beating up racists and homophobes is fine, like I wouldn’t feel guilty at all. But James is self aware and humble enough to know that he wasn’t doing it for all of the right reasons because he was also confused and I love that. It’s a sign of such impressive maturity. Maturity SHOULD be a given, but nope it’s extra attractive :P
THE KISS. Ohmygod I’m literally squealing. I love them so much.
And i loved that he went home and talked to his cat about it omg :’) James is so wholesome and wonderful and I want someone like him soooo bad.
Oh also, the puns with Sirius? Literally the best thing ever hehe.
This is such a delightful fic to read. I just feel so happy after reading it. <3 I’m definitely going to be back soon to read more!
shreyaaaaaaa. i'm responding to these in both an attempt to get my shit togehter re: review responses, and also because this is on your holiday wishlist haha.
i'm so glad dumble-d rendered you useless, i've got an even worse one that will make an appearance in a future chapter. i'm excited for it. alsoooooo yes james in particular is REALLY in tune with lily; and then lily is... well, she's in tune with him without realising that she is. but yes the button pop is a power move. and now i want to write them playing even more laser tag and taking out the teenagers - honestly that sounds incredible and i 100% got your parks and rec reference there :D
james is definitely such a good guy here - he's a bit older than he is in canon, and i like to think that maturity would've brought out his much more respectful side in a different way than we see when he's fifteen. and so mid-twenties james is a little less of an asshole, but still holds on really strongly to his ideas of right and wrong and who he wants to be. but lol yes maturity is such a low standard and yet men are consistently so disappointing that maturity and strong self reflection are someone major turn-ons?? the bar is so low lol.
i'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter, thank you so so much for this wonderful review!! <3
AHHH THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER SO FAR. :(
I loved seeing them work together in the interrogation room, that was incredible. It really proves that they’re the best couple, doesn’t it? Also I was pleasantly surprised to find that you were bringing in the other elements of HP Jily’s life, such as the war against Voldemort and his followers. I’m really interested to see what other parallels between Harry Potter and this Brooklyn Nine-Nine version will crop up, if any! I also wonder if Sirius and Remus will get involved, since the case involves Bellatrix.
But anyway let’s talk about the James/Lily moments!! I love domestic scenes, and this chapter was filled with them. I, too, am greatly attracted to people who can cook with ease, and sometimes I fantasize about washing the dishes with a significant other hahaha. So I completely understand Lily’s increased attraction towards James as a direct result of his cooking abilities, and her happiness in the domesticity of it all.
Can I say, I love how your disclaimer in the beginning says that the chapter gets “just a lil explicit” hahaha; remembering that made me smile by the time I got to the smut part. Which was actually written really well?? I don’t mean “actually” as in “I was doubting your abilities,” but I am personally never going to be able to I think because just the thought of it mortifies me a little bit (I know, I’m a coward), so I’m always so so impressed whenever I read well-written smut. Which this was!!
THEIR CUDDLING AT THE END GAVE ME LIFE. God I love cuddling in fics so much, it makes me so happy. I wonder what other cute things are to come throughout this fic? Will there be soft, casual kisses?? Will there be extra cuddling??? Will there be more Mario Kart playing while cuddling and kissing on the sofa (a combination of the previous two)????
Omg what if they’re going on a date when they spot one of their targets and then their date just ends up being a wild chase across town?
Sorry, I’m just so excited for more of this story. Please let me know if you write more of it, because I will be the happiest person. I’m also really glad that you took this in a different direction from How to Lose a Guy, because those two characters really didn’t know each other at all by the end of their ten days. But James and Lily have gotten so many good moments together sldkjks.
I love this! <3
I’m enjoying this story so so much. I forgot to mention this earlier, but Jily is perhaps my favorite ship from Harry Potter, so that plus all the cute romance tropes present in here makes this story right up my alley. I’m always down for a good fluffy romance story, so this is just really a wonderfully fun story to be reading right now!
I love the inclusion of Umbridge as the parallel of that enemy of the B99 precinct…whatsherface. I think her first name was Madeleine and her last name started with a W haha. I remember the PR stuff happening in the show, so it was really fun seeing that alluded to in the fic! Also Umbridge was a great choice for the Harry Potter version of Madeleine (I really hope I got her name right because that would be embarrassing otherwise).
I am very much here for Lily’s strong desires to kiss James, first in the disguised car and second right before her ride arrives. And you did such a great job with their banter, too!! I love how her main motivation for not kissing James the first time is because she doesn’t want to pull a Remus and Sirius hahaha: “But they’re here on business, and they’re not Sirius and Remus and therefore aren’t going to make out in a cop car while they’re meant to be watching a potential crime scene, so Lily restrains that particular impulse.” I love this line a lot. She is very clearly trying her hardest to convince herself with this reasoning.
I know I asked for make out sessions in this chapter, but I think you did a great job spreading out the kisses. I’m one of those people who would love kisses every chapter, but at the same time I love the anticipation of waiting for two characters to kiss so. I have spent too much time talking about kisses. I’m going to move on now.
The action scene you put into this chapter when they try and tackle the perpetrators was so good!! I liked the little joke about how their targets never actually freeze when they ask them to haha. I really wanted them to succeed, so I was disappointed when James didn’t manage to catch the other one, but that’s okay. I hope they solve this one soon! Will this be like a small subplot within the story? I’m really curious about how else Lily and James work together.
I noticed the past few chapters that you wrote this story in present tense, and I am always so envious of people who can manage present tense well. My brain thinks is past tense only, which is really dumb, because whenever I start chapters in present tense they always end up in past somehow. So I think you’ve done a really great job handling present. I just have one comment, which is that when you have just the “narrator” speaking in present tense, it removed me a little bit from the minds of the character.
For example, Lily, when she thought this bit: “People who grew up comfortable often don’t understand that there’s a world in which both of those things - a college education and life-saving healthcare - aren’t just assumed. When you’re wealthy, you don’t know what it’s like to choose between your child’s education and your wife’s health…” It reads more like an op-ed in a newspaper (but one that contains a very important message!), so I think it would be helpful to frame it within Lily’s thoughts. Like “From experience, Lily knows…” etc. Just something to consider! It was a minor detail, so I almost didn’t notice. :)
Great chapter <3
Okay after this chapter I need one from Lily’s point of view, I need to know how she felt about that kiss and about the date and just about James being James in general. I know I’m starting from the back of the chapter, but that kiss made me so incredibly happy and I hope they have many many more in the next ten days! Also omggg “I’m going to kiss you, if that’s alright” is so smooth and confident, and if only I had that kind of confidence??
Why do fanfic characters have better pick-up lines than me, I don’t understand.
Okay, now from the beginning. Lily totally knew what she was doing with that unbuttoned top button hahaha. And the fact that James cleaned up his Coke can for the sake of starting this bet was so funny. I really, really love your James. He’s ridiculous but endearing, like going from thinking, “There he goes. He did it. He flirted. He’s doing great at this” to saying the most genuine compliment, “You’re really something else, you know that?” is just super cute. This adorkable man becomes very smooth when he least expects it haha.
CAPTAIN DUMBLES OMG. THAT’S THE CUTEST NICKNAME EVER. If I ever get a cat that is what I’m calling him. Omg. (Unless you’ve got the name copyrighted, which you probably deserve, let’s be real. It’s such a good name oh my god.)
Maybe it was the bolstering of confidence given to her by her friends’ assurances that James does, in fact, like her, but Lily was also incredibly nonchalant and confident asking James out?? If I was her, my knees would’ve been quaking like mad. But anyway, go Lily! Good for her! And the whole date was obviously a success. Her disappointed reaction to James liking the Extreme Sports place is because his excitement means he’s not put off by her honest, true self, right (which means she’s closer to losing her bet)? Because it seems like Lily was built to play Laser Tag haha, so she obviously loves it.
The dinner was nice. I hope at some point Lily gets to talk about her own life! It would be really interesting to see what James thinks of it, and how books!Lily’s backstory gets translated into this Brooklyn Nine-Nine world. <3
Also, random note, the very short texting exchange between James and Sirius is the funniest thing ever. Sirius calling James a “beanpole” was really amusing haha.
Will we get makeout sessions in the stakeout next chapter??
This was really fun. Good job!
Okay, if I’m being honest here, I already think this story is a million times better than How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. (It was a little difficult for me to get through that movie, haha. They were so genuinely terrible to each other towards the end!) But I always thought the plot was super entertaining, and I always love bet-inspired plots, so I was really, really excited to read this story!
Also, Brooklyn Nine-Nine is so funny. I love it.
I thought you set up the premise so incredibly well here. I loved the parallels between these two conversations and how through the magic of storytelling they occurred at the same time! And even though I’ve seen both things that this story is inspired by, I’m still incredibly curious about how their relationship will develop. (Also, I love that Lily is her own version of Amy, and James is Jake. It fits their characters so well omg.) But anyway! Lily is already semi-attracted to James? James is already hopelessly in love with Lily? SIGN ME UP.
I adore how both groups of characters automatically used Peter’s cheese tasting demonstrations as the thing they were betting. How bad can the poor guy’s cheese tasting demonstrations be?? I love cheese, personally. I’d volunteer to taste-test Peter’s homemade cheese! Unless it would cause food poisoning or something idk.
But anyway, I love the characterizations of all the characters. I love how Mary is a little bit like Rosa (unless I’m imagining it), with her very straightforward, blunt, no-nonsense attitude. I also love that Sirius and Remus are engaged!! I love the short little snippets of backstory behind the Marauders’ nicknames. I also like how you gave James a little bit of Jake’s respect for Amy/Lily, how he firmly says that Lily’s not something to be won (and the justification that Remus gave made this all acceptable, too, which I liked).
I like all of this! And now I’m gonna hurry onto the next chapter because I’m excited for the action to start hehe.
Of course James wasn't scared off by all those traits Lily thought of as bad - that's why her loves her. <.< I also don't think there's a more terrifying concept than Umbridge as the PR represents for the NYPD. Can anything be more scary? Cheetahs on a cosmic brownie comes close, to be honest. Lily and James' bantering in this is one of my most favorite things ever, and now I'll be leaving the chapter with he concept of Snape's sex tape permanently ingrained into my head, so thanks for that O.o
Captain Dumbles? I love you.
Seriously though, your sense of humor throughout this is fantastic. Lily and James have a super awkward adorable-Ness about them, and what good is a best friend if he doesn't tell you to eff-off in the most loving of ways? Combine this with your underlying bet shenanigans and a much appreciated kiss scene & you've got pure gold here.
Sorry about the mega short & otherwise crappy review - I'm just reading through to write the ItS column but I couldn't not say something (I'm crying, I love it).
HI TAYLOR! Here with your requested review, and as you can tell by the shouty caps, I am very excited to read this. The entire concept is basically everything that I love combined--and omg you exceeded any of my expectations.
I'm really really impressed with how you've managed to combine three, really, rather different sources of inspiration. While Jake and Amy, Andie and Ben, and Lily and James' relationships and dynamics are rather similar, there's still significant enough differences that I wondered how well you'd be able to mash them together. But you did a really good job picking up on the underlying similarities, and using the differences in the works to enhance one another.
I really loved that Lily and James didn't actually talk to each other in this chapter; I think that was very good to help me get a sense of their characters and to juxtapose them against each other really well. You did such a good job establishing how although Lily and James appear so different on the surface, they're actually really similar--right from the first line, too! The two different scenes lent themselves to a really neat and natural comparison of them, and I loved all the different layers of similarity--both of their denial, their blindness, even how their friends reacted. I think you're doing a really good job building that part of the Jily dynamic.
I also loved how easily you tied in the bet aspect, without any of the associated nastiness. (I really love How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, but the whole mutual deception aspect for personal gain made me really uncomfortable, and I'm glad that in your re-telling, James at least has some personal investment in wanting Lily to fall in love with him). I was sorta hoping that it might be tied into Jake and Amy's ongoing game of trying to get more arrests than one another--but I can also see that not really working out, because that competitiveness isn't really part of the Jily dynamic...which is actually fine, because it's one of the more toxic parts of Jake and Amy's relationship, imo. (This is what I was talking about with using the differences to enhance one another; it's like you're taking all of the best parts of three really amazing things and combining them, while cutting out any of the nastiness, which makes for a final product that is so wholesomely satisfying).
I also really loved how well all the other characters' traits were combined. I saw different strategies here, depending on how well the Harry Potter characters' traits are defined canonically. I LOVED the interaction between the Marauders. I wondered how you'd work them in because neither Jake nor Ben really have that super close group of friends, you know? I was trying to figure out how you'd work in their nicknames and I loved every description of their cases (especially the pun with the forks hehe). I loved that you kept Sirius's bluntness and the closeness of his relationship with James and Peter's general craziness (omg he's such a little shit and also he was a perfect choice for Boyle haha). I also loved how you used B99 character traits to enhance characters who were less defined canonically, like Marlene and Mary. Again: using all the good in one to enhance the other. Taylor, you're basically some kind of alchemist.
And finally, because I clearly haven't rambled enough nonsense yet, I loved the humor. While I was reading this I genuinely felt like I was watching a B99 episode and like...how did you do that?! I think a lot of it was the little details; it's so clear that you've put a lot of thought into the characters and like, really understand them, and this fic could really serve as a masterguide in good characterization. I'll just list some of the things that I loved/particularly related to: Peter doing ballet, Marlene's general Marlene-ness, Mary's obsession with the Hot Goss (I RELATE), Sirius's drawer of horrors, Remus's dedication to the vending machine :')
There's a few things that I can't wait to see/hope to see in future chapters: Lily's binders!! The heist. Fawkes as Cheddar maybe?! Also the family scene in How to Lose a Guy is one of the sweetest scenes in rom com history, and I hope that there'll be some kind of parallel?
(I've watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days so many times. Too many times.
...this fic really is like some kind of dream come true).
Okay, I need to shut up now. This was SO good, and I can't wait to read more. Feel free to request more chapters--it'll give me a good excuse to bump this up on my to read list ;) Thank you for sharing!
shreya hi!! combining james and lily with both b99 and how to lose a guy was fun, because there are definitely some elements of james in ben and jake, and definitely some of lily in andie and amy, but they're also very much their own characters as well. i'm glad the threads of similarity stuck out - i didn't want to depart too far from their actual characters, so highlighting the similarities is the easiest way to go about incorporating all the source material into this.
the original concept for how to lose a guy in 10 days was... yeah, there's just a little nastiness there that i wanted to sidestep entirely. and i always imagine james as having fallen hard for lily, so it'd be a bit weird for him to see her as just an object for the sake of this bet. he wants her to fall for him for deeper reasons too. and yeah, while i think both james and lily and *individually* relatively competitive people, i don't think they're necessarily super competitive with each other.
hehe i like the idea of being some kind of alchemist. but yeah, i definitely couldn't get rid of the marauders just to fit the two pieces of source material - i love writing sirius and remus (and occasionally peter) too much in jily au fics to ever cut them out entirely. and therefore, peter gets a little bit of charles boyle, and sirius and remus don't get touched much other than being eeeeeeever so slightly hitchcock and scully. but i love this little cast of characters and their weird quirks so much - it felt so easy to plug them all into this chapter.
also!! fawkes as cheddar/cheddar as fawkes is DEFINITELY happening.
i'm so happy you enjoyed this first chapter, this whole review was just too sweet and had me smiling the whole time.