Hi, Sarah! I found one more review among my old reviews from the old site. Not sure how I missed it before. At any rate, here it is!
The chapter starts off feeling like a dull ache. I think that's about the right feeling for Chloe, having been through the assault at the hands of the Slytherins. Everything was grim and empty and all of the emotion stripped away.
At least until Emily comes along. When I reviewed the last chapter, I meant to mention Emily's betrayal and it slipped my mind. That felt like the cruelest twist of all, to be betrayed by her own cousin in such a way. It makes perfect sense that Chloe wouldn't even want to see her.
“Please, Chloe,” Emily whispered when Pomfrey left us. Fat tears were falling down her cheeks. “I said I’m sorry.” -- Ah, yes, the unerring logic of people who feel no real responsibility for their own actions. I know I did something terrible, but I feel badly about it. Haven't I suffered enough? I'm with Chloe. Except I might not have mentioned the poisonous lilies.
I enjoyed the way you introduced Sirius and the Marauders. Visiting poor Remus after his monthly transformation, joking, jostling, being a pain in Madam Pomfrey's backside... it all fit perfectly well.
Marlene has such power over people. Sirius, for starters. But she exerts quite an influence on Chloe, too. Everything about the way you've set up her character speaks to her charisma and presence. It starts with her physical appearance -- striking -- and extends to her ability to rein in the unruly Marauders.
The chapter started off with a dull ache and ended with an icy weight on the chest. The Black Adder Society has shown that they can reach Chloe even in the safety of her own dorm. I suppose if I stop to think about it, it's not as big a deal as it seems. The Slytherins almost certainly have friends inside Hufflepuff. It wasn't some huge feat to pull this off. Still, the effect is very chilling to a victim. Chloe is completely trapped in the feelings of shame and powerlessness that plague so many victims of assault. You are doing a great job of writing her reactions.
I had a lot of fun reading through this! Thank you!
So I realized I'd never transferred my review from HPFF over here, so I'm doing it now. :P
Thus far, you're doing a really amazing job. This is a great introduction to the story; you've set the stage beautifully, with just enough information to help the reader get their bearings. I love the paradigm you've set up - parents who are uncomfortable with magic, a young woman just trying to do what's right - it's all really well done. Within a setting that's far removed from the war, you managed to allow Chloe to confront the war without making it feel jarring to the reader; instead, there's a very clear sense that Chloe is grappling with a lot of things on her own. Both her thoughts of James and Lily and her memory of Marlene is heartbreaking, and they make her lies to her mother seem not only reasonable but necessary.
And speaking of Marlene - what is up with that last line?? I think I'm particularly intrigued because this is AU - is Sirius a bad guy in this timeline? Was he using the Cruciatus Curse - presumably on someone on his side! - for another reason? I need to read more!
This is really excellent thus far.
I'm here for the Magical Menagerie business again! Also O/ Happy 50th review! It seems fitting that I'd leave the 50th review on the last chapter posted. That's exciting.
It's so strange watching the war through someone's eyes who isn't directly involved. Like, yes, by association, she is involved, but she's not in the midst of the action -- and yet the world is still falling apart around her. Not even her rush of going through Herbology school is going to hide that. In a perfect world, it would make sense for Peter and Chloe to move in together. And understandably, the feeling of being alone (especially with the world in the state it's at) is probably a little unsettling. And, yeah, hiding her education with the Horticulture coverup was only going to work for so long -- until she actually had to go on to get an apprenticeship or a job or something. I doubt her parents are going to be overly pleased by her lies either.
Peter is so sweet in this -- I suppose he always has been through this work, but he kinda got shook off and overshadowed by Chloe's crush on Sirius. Thinking back to the previous chapters, he's always been sweet. And having James Potter just show up at your house must have been mildly shocking! Ahh THIS is where he asks her to make potions for Lily's pregancy...I'm a little nervous that we're starting to wrap back around to the beginning. Bad things are going to happen soon and it's scary! And the Marauder's haven't seen Peter much, either and I know what's coming. Ugh. My heart is going to break.
Amazing job! Looking forward to more whenever you get more written :)
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1980 is just the beginning of the end, I can feel it. I feel terrible that I know why Peter's distracted -- that things aren't okay, and that Chloe is completely in the dark about it. What I am curious about is your reasoning for why Peter does turn on his friends, aside from strictly being afraid. However, fear IS a powerful thing -- it can overturn relationships and romances. Speaking of romances, the little exchange of I Love You was cute. I can't blame Peter for wanting to clarify his feelings for her before going into the pub to hang out with Sirius -- who he knows she used to have a crush on. That must weigh on the back of his mind anytime he's around Sirius.
The now dueling with Death Eaters must be extremely terrifying, too. Not just for the people involved (like James and Sirius) but for their loved ones (like Lily) too. It feels like their risking their lives even more than necessary, but honestly something did have to be done -- they weren't just going to stop. Marlene seems worse for wear, still...this war is taking such a toll on her. It's absolutely heart-breaking, watching her wither away a little at a time. As for leaving the war behind, I don't think that's an option either, unfortunately. Peter's statement is super ominous too. I think I'm just as terrified as Chloe to find out what's to come.
And we're back with the motto of the century -- I'm here for the Magical Menagerie!
Okay, so Peter and Chloe are cute together. I'm chewing my tongue with anticipation about what's to come out of the whole thing, though. Like, if you're sticking hard to cannon, then things are about to get messy. Like, she's going to have to deal with the guy she used to be infatuated with supposedly killing her boyfriend, and things are not going to be pretty -- in fact, it'll be her boyfriend doing all the wrongs and sending the guy she used to be infatuated with to Azkaban. Unless, of course, you're planning on surprising me.
And even though she's done just about everything to avoid what's happening in the world, it's still right there waiting for her. Oof, and she's right, there's no way that Peter didn't know about her previous crush on Sirius, and might just be reading into her purposeful non-asking about him. And then there's Marlene -- and the death of the Muggle-born YOUNGER than them. It's all awful, and it seems like people are starting to struggle with what's going on in the war. Moreover, it feels like there's something being driven between them all, which might be worst of all.
I'm terrified to see what comes next, but I'm here for it! Lovely chapter!
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I feel some sort of way about Peter being the only one not thinking she's a coward for not joining the Order of the Pheonix, let me tell you! It is nice to have someone on her side though, for the time being...before he goes and betrays Lily and James, and Sirius. The reunion must've been strange -- gathering for Lily and James's wedding, after so many months of being gone. I wonder how secluded she felt at Herbology school, away from the madness growing in the rest of the world with Voldemort. Despite not joining the Order, I'm pleased to see Marlene still trying to be friends with her. I don't think Chloe has anyone else.
And after all that time, she still has Sirius on the brain, poor girl. She's very good with avoidance, I'll give her that. And I am dying to know what Sirius would've even said to her if Remus hadn't interrupted the two of them. Or what Chloe would have said, for that matter. And Sirius' avoidance on whether she was there on a date with Peter or not gave me a good chuckle. That boy can't decide what he wants for the life of him. And he's so obviously jealous about Peter when he and Chloe are out in the garden. It is true, though, that he was the one to come onto her... twice.
Another great chapter. It's nice to see the wedding -- a rather happy moment in a rather dark time :)
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There it is -- Sirius loves Marlene. And Chloe loves Sirius. And Marlene might love Chloe for all I know (the epicness of a love triangle is something that I will never stop loving). And there is the second part of the lingering questions presented again -- is Chloe going to join them in the fight against Voldemort? Marlene doesn't seem to like her answer either, which doesn't bode well for their friendship at the moment. At least her parents bought the Muggle college acceptance letter -- that, I suppose, is one good thing that has happened so far. Though, I'm wondering if this lie will come back to bite her, too.
Well, hot damn. But before we get into that, it must've been a bit difficult for Chloe, working next to Sirius after he'd just declared his love to Marlene. Plus, I'm still majorly weary of Sirius and his intentions. I still feel like he's using Chloe for an emotional distraction, especially after the whole thing with Marlene. Plus, the sudden make-out session certainly didn't help dissuade my feelings about that -- he knows she's got a crush on him and, ugh, Sirius. I'm happy to get a bit of a steamy break from all the death and destruction and turmoil though -- very much welcomed, ha!
At any rate, it was a great chapter as usual!
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And the hammer falls. It makes sense that Chloe's muggle parents would rather see her living with them, safe, and out of the magical world, especially with Voldemort's uprising and the current state of events, but it also very much makes sense why Chloe would choose something she loves (ie: Herbology) over something that is similar to what she loves (ie: Horticulture). What they're asking of her is to abandon her life as a witch to live a life that is closer to their own -- something they understand. There's something heart-wrenching about the scene -- about a young girl trying to follow her passion but her parents trying to push her into something else because they're terrified for her.
Chloe's insistence that things will be better next year -- so that she can go to the Herbology school to which she was accepted, so that she could celebrate with her parents first, and then her friends, and even Professor Sprout, that the whole Voldemort thing would be over (if we're reading between the lines here) is also heartbreaking. I'm glad her self-instilled seclusion (once again) was broken up by Marlene and the Marauders -- she's really good at folding in on herself, isn't she? I mean, she's hardly to blame. There has been so much that has happened to her/around her. I do love the implication that she should forge an acceptance letter to a Muggle institution for a decoy for her parents -haha!
I'll be back!
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Oh gosh, plot twist. Well, that's certainly one way to come down. I can't imagine tripping only to come out of it in the middle of an attack. That must have been incredibly confusing and frightening. At least they're quick enough to realize that they needed to get out of there. Their first experience with the horrors of the war first-hand (save the attack Chloe had on herself) makes things feel even more real. These weren't just attacks -- people were dying; that must've both been very sobering (pun not-so-much intended) to the horrors that they've all had on the back of their minds.
Ahh, and I'm glad you covered the ground on the whole we're just kids, thing. I very much appreciated the shout out to we're only kids when it's convenient because in a way it was true. When it comes down to it, everything they were doing was to break away from their childhood -- to try and experience the world as adults, but fighting and the war? That was a different story -- in that moment, they WERE just frightened kids. They're hardly to blame, though. They weren't prepared, they aren't trained, and they are truly, just children.
And so Chloe isolated herself again, despite Marlene's best attempts to reconnect with her. Chloe's hesitance to address what happened and her reluctance to join in the Gryffindor-esque action of the Marauders is something it seems she's definitely struggling with. Plus, the news of the attack finally hitting the papers must've done something to rattle her nerves further. I wonder if she's going to try to turn from lion to lamb (or if the war will do it for her).
Another lovely chapter!
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Too true -- the Marauder's Map was a crazy ingenious creation. I love that Chloe's inner monologue is screaming at her about breaking all kinds of rules and to not follow Sirius, but she follows him anyway. It sort of feels like Sirius is using her, in a way...especially when it comes down to asking for the mushrooms AND asking her to alter Sprout's inventory just a touch so as not to know they've gone missing. I mean, she's clearly got feelings for him that she's fighting with, though it could be just a favor asked between friends. Either way, I don't trust your Sirius -- and I kind of love it that way.
So, yes, Chloe's a little uncomfortable with getting all dolled up for the whole dance bit, and yes sneaking around can certainly come across as something untoward, but Emily has some nerve trying to lay claim that she's trying to look out for Chloe. Like, honestly. I'm glad Chloe gave her what for, even if I do feel slightly bad about the fact that yes, in this particular scenario, she's 'looking out for her' -- but Chloe is right, it doesn't seem like she's ever had Chloe's best interest at heart. She just wants Chloe to do was SHE wants to do. And, honestly, I'm kinda certain that Emily wouldn't be so sour about the whole situation if SHE had been invited. So. There's that. [Yeesh, listen to me, I'm all sorts of invested in these characters, haha!]
But the whole, your battles are my battles line from Marlene has me screaming bromance. ;)
Oh good lord -- they're all going to be having a long trip tonight, is that right? I do love how you showed the contrast of personality between Chloe on drugs and Chloe sober -- suddenly, being in Honeydukes basement and stealing sweets didn't matter. Plus, apparating to London! And the whole Sirius kissing Marlene thing and Marlene kissing Chloe thing -- oof, drugs make the world a little more carefree. I just wonder how Chloe is going to be feeling in the morning (not only physically, but about every transgression of the evening). Also, I do love the tie-in to the era with the mushrooms. The seventies were the seventies were the seventies.
Anyway, this was another lovely chapter!
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I hadn't taken into account what kind of toll Voldemort's rising crimes against Muggles and other non-Wizard/Witches would have on the parents of Muggle-borns attending Hogwarts. Like, obviously all the parents of the students must've been worried, but there's something about the idea of having your child in some far off magical place, especially some place that you can't understand, while the world around them seems to become darker and more dangerous, that must be absolutely terrifying. Of course her father would start sleeping with a shotgun beside the bed -- it's the best form of protection against something so violent that he KNOWS. What he doesn't understand is that something like that is not actually going to protect him -- not against this.
Ahh, the Sirius complex. On top of the world going to the gutter and having to worry about school and the war and what the future will hold, Chloe is actually just a teenage girl who has a crush on a boy. I think that, sometimes, given the war, some fics forget to take into account that these kids were...just kids. So, I definitely appreciate the sobering reminder at times. Furthermore, I love how she didn't even question just WHAT they were doing out in the early cold morning, naked as the day they were born. I had a good laugh when her only thoughts concerning the situation were that she was glad it wasn't Sirius who she'd seen and that that was the first time she'd seen a naked boy before.
Uhoh -- so Peter's got a crush on Chloe, and has invited her to a Marauder's Ball. Good gosh. And I can totally see Sirius crashing James and Lily's first day -- seems like something he would do. I hope that Chloe doesn't put too much blame on herself for what happened to Mary. I mean, yes, she probably should have said something, though it makes sense why she wouldn't (those lot can be terrifying), but that's not to say that anything would have been done about it. And if it had, something awful could've happened to Chloe in return AND Mary still could've been attacked.
Ahh and Sirius shows her the map! That's gotta mean something -- I'm certain that they don't just go showing off the map to anybody!
Anyway, I'll be back -- awesome job so far!
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Chloe's so confused -- this entire Marlene-Sirius, Chloe-Sirius, Marlene-Chloe thing must be terribly frustrating. Plus, it didn't help that (especially after the library incident) she's able to admit to herself that she's actually becoming quite enamored with Sirius, only holding back for Marlene. Sirius's nonchalance about the whole thing drives me crazy -- like Chloe was a take-it-or-leave-it scenario and since he couldn't have it, he's over it. Chloe is so paranoid at Marlene finding out her feelings that she's even trying to avoid being alone with Sirius at all, which is not going to do much in the way of figuring this love triangle of love triangles out. Plus, I can't tell if Marlene's constant closeness is just really good friendship or possibly some feelings that she hasn't quite figured out herself yet -- and it's all so frustrating.
Oof, yeah, it must've been really unnerving to be woken up in the middle of the night and informed of an attack near your home. The impending war is growing closer and closer to Chloe, and it's frightening as all heck, especially knowing what we do from the introduction (that you're chasing cannon and that everything's going to end in tragedy). Plus, having Muggle parents who don't know how a call through the Floo works, and having to wait a very heart-stoppingly long few moments for them to come around must have been terrifying. Ahh, Lily knows something, too -- maybe whatever it is exactly that is between Sirius and Marlene.
Another wonderfully frustrating chapter, thank you! ;P
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Ah, that was quite a clever tie-in about the note from Michael and how it had essentially created a giant snowball effect that had sent everything from her sixth year into motion. This note, however, is from Marlene, which is much different than getting a note from Michael Flint. I'm happy to see that she's going to meet them at the lake, though I'm not sure I'm over what Sirius did to Chloe yet. On a similar note, it must be strange for Emily to see Chloe making friends all on her own. She doesn't need Emily, which I think is the important message here.
And there Chloe goes again -- running away and isolating herself. Understandably, it's because she's incredibly uncomfortable (and I can't say I blame her entirely). I was very happy to see Chloe go and at least attempt to hang out with the group, but she's so strung up on little things (what if Filtch catches them, what people are thinking, etc), that she really can't enjoy herself. Although they were really just trying to be nice, there is a sense of peer pressure when it came to drinking, and while Marlene was really just trying to be her friend, she technically was speaking for her when she claimed that Chloe "didn't mind" and would drink anyway. I do really enjoy that there's this imbalance between what people think Chloe wants and what Chloe actually wants (even if she's not always sure of those things herself).
And then there's Sirius, who is looking at her that way, which must've been sort of triggering, given his 'whatever the heck is happening, or not happening' and what he'd done to Chloe before Summer break. Plus, with Lily appraising the pair, I can't blame her for getting uncomfortable. Unfortunately, and as I said before, all this resulted in Chloe running away again, which isn't good for anyone. By the way, Pheonix Scouts was a chuckle-worthy nod, haha!
Oh my gosh, I've never read a more frustrating Sirius before I started reading this particular piece (and don't get me wrong, I love it). It's just...for all the reason she should stay away from him, for all the reasons she shouldn't like him, for all the reasons she should hate him, for that matter...there's some sort of connection between the two that doesn't want to give. And you can clearly see that tension and connection in the "game" they played in the library, and it's driving me insane (and Chloe, too). And Sirius's win...I wonder what that will do for the future of the Chloe-Sirius conundrum. I can't imagine he'd leave her alone after all that.
Ahhh, so frustrating and so good [insert random keyboard smash here].
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If anything is a consolation, it's that the 7th year Black Adders won't be around to torment her next year -- at least until after Hogwarts, with the war rolling at full-tilt and all. And I can't blame Bijou for not liking Peter, ha! I mean, of course Peter hasn't actually done anything yet and its probably mostly because of his animagus form that Bijou is reacting like this, but it's still strangely satisfying. I also can't get a read on Sirius Black, yet -- like, he's into Marlene, or isn't he into Marlene? Or is he just being a general pain in the butt? Is he into everyone? Noone? Your Sirius frustrates me (in a good way, of course).
Even though it would have been great for Chloe to be able to hang out with some people (the girl desperately needs some more socialization), it would have been crazy for her to try to squeeze into that already over-packed compartment. Plus, Chloe's penchant for isolating herself in order to protect herself emotionally is holding strong, it seems.
I don't think I could be more upset with Sirius right now. What was all that even? I mean, I get that he's going through some things with his parents and all that (and, of course, they are some tremendously terrible things), but why in the name of Merlin's left buttcheek would he just bring Walburga Black over to poor, keeps-to-herself Chloe and declare that she's a Muggle-born? Oofs all around. Just what did he think he was going to prove? Plus, poor Chloe is baffled, used as some sort of power play, embarrassed (and probably a little terrified of Walburga -- who would be?) and Sirius just ignores her after that. WHAT? WhAt! At least Marlene apologized for him (not that that excuses Sirius).
Ah, yes, I nearly forgot Emily after that whole exchange. Chloe certainly likes to keep her parents in the dark about things...probably for their best interest. I mean, if she had to explain why she and Emily were no longer friends, then she would have to also explain why, and I don't think her parents would actually let her go back to Hogwarts after that. All Chloe wants to do is finish her schooling and lay low, and its definitely not her fault that she keeps getting targeted out (between being attacked for being a Muggleborn and whatever the heck it was Sirius was trying to do).
I love how quaint everything seems back at home for Chloe, almost like she wasn't a witch at all (save for the few hints of magic and the magical plant, of course). Helping out with the chores and the plants seems to be a good distraction for her, for now at any rate. And Chloe's right -- Marlene is a Muggleborn and Sirius didn't do that to her! What gives? I'm sure you'll provide us with some sort of explanation, but until then, Sirius is on the list!
Another great chapter!
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It's nice of Chloe to help Marlene study Herbology when she's so far ahead and prepared for the exam, herself -- having a buddy system for studying has always kept me motivated as well. Chloe's parents seem sweet, and Marlene's right in saying that it's adorable that her parents sent an owl with a stamped envelope, haha! It must be difficult for Muggle parents to send their children off to some sort of far away magical boarding school, especially when they can't quite grasp the concept of magic and how the world works. It's also cute that they had to get another puppy (or herding dog, as it be) to fill the void of having their only daughter far, far away.
Obviously the idea of more attacks on muggle/muggle supporters (equal marriage rights activists in this particular scenario) is becoming unsettling. And Chloe is right -- it's not just happening far away to people she doesn't know, it's happened right in the sanctity of Hogwarts (to her, no less) and it could happen again (to her, Marlene, or any other person associated with Muggle blood or supporting Muggles), which is a frightening thought. I think it's also an important nod to Voldemort's uprising when more and more incidents like the ones that have occurred will pop up.
I feel bad that Chloe doesn't want to celebrate her birthday, but I suppose after not having done so for a so long (save by way of her parents and with Emily), it becomes less of a big deal due to repetition. I also do understand that it can be difficult for people who have always excelled in school to have to deal with an average grade -- it can feel much like failure.
Also, I'm very happy to see some more Sirius-Chloe interaction! Ugh, poor Sirius, he just really was handed the short end of the stick, so to speak -- however, his disownment did provide a perfect opportunity for Chloe to learn that this particular Black wasn't following in his family's footsteps. I feel so bad for her, trying to balance her own developing feelings for Sirius (by way of avoiding them at all costs) and her friendship with Marlene (as whatever the heck is going on between Marlene and Sirius isn't clear to anyone at all). It was sweet that he gave the bottle to Chloe for her birthday, despite perhaps needing on that particular day (what with tension running high from being disowned), and I love that Chloe took it even though she has zero plans for drinking it!
Another lovely chapter -- I can't wait to read more.
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I hate that Chloe is so frightened and unwanting of negative attention that she is putting herself out in order to try to avoid them. Not only is she zipping around the corridors as quickly as possible, head down and trying to stay completely unnoticed, but she's also hiding at the mere sight of the Slytherins who hurt her. Of course, I can't blame her for doing so, it just makes me sad that she feels like she has to do those things. I also can't blame her for not wanting to be anywhere near Emily and am glad that the other empty seat in the classroom was next to Sirius ;). I'm totally here for this Marauder interaction.
I love that Sirius is trying to make Marlene jealous, but Marlene is hardcore ignoring him (obliviously chatting it up with Lily). I also love that Chloe has so much respect for Marlene and whatever magnetism there is between Sirius and herself -- it's quite an admirable quality that Chloe has. She's so panicked and paranoid that she's somehow offending Marlene that she's even tempted to run away from the Potion's classroom. It's really a super sweet quality (one that could have saved her a lot of pain, if not for Emily), but it's also no way to live life. Thinking back to the prologue, it seems as though much of her skittishness wears off by that point, but how could it not, what with the war and everything.
I'm also very excited to see Marlene and Chloe getting to know each other more, too! It was super thoughtful of Marlene to bring her some food (who even noticed that she was missing during meals that week AND knew where she might find her), and of course, to give her a bit of company. Chloe's been really alone ever since she dropped Emily (but thank God she did). She's so skittish around Marlene (and, well, everything), which is kinda super cute. Plus, her growing feelings for Sirius don't help with that -- she's struggling so much between that and Marlene's friendship! She's not even convinced when Marlene tells her that she and Sirius are not a thing (though it sounds like Marlene is on the fence post about the whole situation, too).
Anyway, another fantastic chapter. I'm really just falling in love with this story!
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The permanence of the mark must be devastating. Not only was she attacked, but Michael's use of dark magic made it so that she would always have a physical reminder that she was attacked. That's horrible. And, speaking of horrible, I have to reiterate my HOW DARE SHE, when Emily comes to visit Chloe in the Hospital Wing. While I'm happy to see Chloe sever ties with her, and really and truly let her know that she was irrevocably wrong in all of her actions (she hadn't even come back for her, when she knew she could have been injured or worse, for spoop's sake), I'm also angry that she dared to show her face after everything that went down.
I can't blame her for not wanting to say anything about the attack either -- I'd be afraid they'd retaliate with something worse, not to mention feel a bit humiliated for being in attendance of some sort of bath part with a bunch of people. I love that Marlene is being so awesome to her -- rescuing her, bringing her notes, and just generally being kind to her. She's certainly being set up as a much better friend than Emily ever was, by the looks of things. Plus, I love the little nod to Remus' lycanthropy while he's stuck in the hospital wing along with Chloe -- and she has absolutely no idea what any of it means. Marauder banter always tickles me, so I'm happy to see that there was plenty of that in this chapter, too.
A flower with an ominous symbology and a note from the Black Adder Society -- ooof, Chloe has a lot going on right now. I just hope that she can handle it all. However, I'm thinking that with Marlene and the Marauders on her side, she's going to be able to suss it out through just about anything.
Another fantastic chapter -- I'm mildly addicted to this story, thanks ;)
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I love that this set us up with a future event and now provides flashbacks in order to explain everything, so I'm certainly excited about this. Furthermore, I really enjoy the sense of normalcy that's present in this chapter, which is a huge difference from the Prologue (which was something akin to Chloe's whole world being on fire), what with Emily's obsession with Michael Flint and your typical girl talk. It almost makes things sadder that Chloe will go from this normal, natural school life into a full-fledged war and then into the aftermath that we've seen in the Prologue. Also, I'm super curious to see what the elitist Black Adder Society is all about -- sounds very Slytherin-y.
I can't say I'm overly fond of Emily (not that you haven't done a fantastic job with her characterization in making her, of course). Her tendency to turn nasty when Chole doesn't want to do something (essentially, whenever she tells her no) is not something of an admirable quality, and I've had friends like that before. I do really enjoy Chloe's love for learning, and that she's driven enough to even have an apprenticeship at her age! I feel bad that she felt the need to cave to Emily, just because Emily was essentially throwing a fit.
Eesh, I would be sweating bullets if I'd gone to a party only to be led into the baths. I do love how skeptical Chloe is about everything, too -- like it was a trick and there actually wasn't any party to begin with and that the mermaids in the portrait would rat them out. Also, I do feel her -- she's risking her apprenticeship and her sleep in order to appease Emily (and now they're being led into the bathroom, of all places).
With her escape plan to get Emily and herself out of there (though it seems that Emily didn't want to leave), I started to definitely feel bad for Chloe -- she's clearly uncomfortable there -- and that's even before Michael started talking about Voldemort. And now I know what the Black Adder Society is all about -- they're just future Death Eaters, aren't they? I wish to reject my Slytherin-y title excitement from them! Especially after they started getting rough with Emily for being a half-blood (and Chloe for trying to fight).
I'm also SO MAD at Emily at this point, when she throws Chloe under the bus for having muggle parents after she was fighting for her. HOW DARE SHE? And then branding her with the letter M (which is both torture and assault) was certainly uncalled for, but unfortunately, something that could be expected from people who are following Voldemort. I'm glad Marlene and Co. found her to help -- also, I get the feeling that this is the start of the Marlene-Chloe friendship we heard about int he Prologue!
Lovely job -- very excited for the next chapter!
Hello, I'm here with the Magical Menagerie Reviewing event.
It was extremely easy to get invested in this prologue -- I'm dying to know more about Chole and what her role has been in the war. Aside from the obvious tidbits (being best friends with the -- currently dead -- Marlene, and having at least known and provided potions for James and Lily Potter), there's an air of mystery surrounding her that I can't quite put my finger on. I think that, largely, the reason is that I'm extremely interested in her mother's condition (the forgetting), as well as why she's lying to her mother (though I suspect it's so that she doesn't worry). What's more is that, despite having the obvious turmoil of the war's aftermath, I love that you've also added in some additional problems, including the idea of trying to make ends meet and having to worry about rent and bills on top of everything else.
I'm excited to read more!
Hi, this is for the Magical Menagerie review
Wow! What gut-wrenching chapters. You did a great job depicting Chloe’s pain both during and after the assault. I just wanted to reach over and smack Emily. I wasn’t impressed with her first chapter (what a ditz), but now, I can’t believe she never went for help! I love the line about the poisoned flowers-just a tiny pit of poetic justice.
Marlene is not how I ever imagined her. (I always saw her as more type-A “in your face” type) but I can see their friendship developing. She’s going to be the friend that Chloe needs during this psychological trial. The flower message was a great ending for the chapter. With the herbologist angle of the character, that was an ingenious way to send a warning.
On a different note, nice job with the dialog. It’s a good pace with enough action in between to keep it interesting and easy to follow. Nice job!
Hi, this is for the Magical Menagerie review
First I really like the description on the first paragraph “Through the criss-crossing iron (of the window) and the church steeple punctured the bellies of fat granite clouds” Great description and a nice introduction to the character’s mood, both in dealing with her mother’s illness and the loss of Jily.
The part with her mom was very emotional. You used little things, from the misplaced eggs to the open window, to create heartbreaking moments for the reader.
This leads right into the question of why doesn’t her mom like magic? Is it because it makes her uncomfortable or a deeper reason? Also, why does Chloe lie to her mother about so many major things (like her job) in her life? Is it to shield her mother from how much her life revolves around magic?
And then, of course, you had to end with a cliffhanger. “The arched doorway to the den looked like a mouth waiting to swallow me whole. “ What a great bit of foreshadowing for a life changing owl and of course, you leave us with yet another question. Why hadn’t she and her best friend been talking?
Great introduction! I’m glad you are still adding to the story.
I love the way these scenes are knitted together. They each have their own room to breath, and though they rely on one another to move the reader forward they feel independent. It's such a unique style—really lovely.
Hi there! :) Dropping by for our review swap! :D You know, I haven't read that many Marauders novels - so this is a lovely, different kind of thing for me to read :)
I love how you opened this: with Chloe on her own, in her parents' Muggle house, cold and tired, scared and hoping that she blends in enough to not stand out, so that there won't be any repercutions. It really brought to life - in my mind - what Sirius talked about when in the books he says how everyone was so afraid, so nervous of other people, not knowing who was on which side, who to trust or believe or tell even simple things - where you bought bread and fruit. Even though at this point (at least, it is in canon - I don't know what you're going to do with this in your AU, but I'm assuming so until you say otherwise :P) Voldemort's dead and the war's winding down, it's hard to move past behaviours you've learned in such stressful, terrifying situations.
I loved how in that conversation with Chloe and her mum, you really delved into the difficulty of living with one foot in each world: Muggle and magical. She hasn't told her parents anything about the truth of what's been going on - the war, the threat that that brings to her and to them; how Marlene's dead - or anything else: what her job actually is, who her friends are, what her relationship with Sirius is (though that's not specific to any magical/Muggle divide). It's so hard and it's difficult and I love that you portray her mum as being slightly unsure about using magic, even for simple things like fixing the fence. It's not a big thing, like hatred or anything, it's just a discomfort with magic, a reluctance to use it - and I love that. It's so interesting to see in a fic, because I haven't really seen someone use it before.
You drop so. many. hints. about things that have happened and what Chloe, Marlene and Sirius are like, and I'm so so curious - I have so many questions! What happened between Chloe and Marlene? Why weren't they speaking? What was Sirius' relationship with Marlene? Why did he use the Cruciatus Curse on her (or try to)? Has Chloe always lied to her parents about the magical world, or is it something which developed gradually as she got older?
This is such a good, fascinating start - your writing is so gorgeous and so tense and I love it - and I'm definitely going to have to come back at some point to read the rest of it :P
Transferred from the old hpff,
28th December 2016:
Hi! I came back. (As I sent a message, sorry again for the typo at chapter 2. I meant 'mark' not 'work' at the end of my review.)
I notice the process how Chloe had to face the dark time has been well planned from the beginning. I just remembered "Outlander" TV drama when I read the spot where Chloe was forced to repeat the bullying scene. Each description is so visually well written. I felt various emotions: her anger, disgrace and fear.
We can understand the both sides, Chloe and Emily.
Chloe's harsh words to Emily, we think she deserves to be hated, and at the same time, I think the weak attacks the weak, not the strong. I guess it will be a big turn when or how Chloe confess the incident to McKinnon and Sirius. You faced her PTSD bravely and wrote that very carefully. Awesome!
The Black Adder Society steals up behind her. The last message, "I'm watching" is very threatening.
I'm eager to read next.
Transferred from the old hpff,
I'm sorry I did typos in the previous review. I meant 'Chloe, who was a Muggle-born' not 'Chloe's daughter.
I remembered Cho and Marietta when I read the relationship between Chloe and Emily. From Chloe's POV, Emily's betrayal can't be forgiven like the way how Harry and Hermione felt when they found Marietta's betrayal. The dark time sometimes drives people mad (including me ). Emily's act also reminded me of Peter Pettigrew. The bullying scenes, generally speaking, one of the things we want to turn our eyes from. But I couldn't stop reading yours. I wanted to know what would happen next, wishing someone could rescue Chloe and Emily sooner.
Describing some characters' accent added a kind of glow to your story. I like it.
It's a good idea to set McKinnon and Sirius in the latter half. (Just my small question pops up, "Mc" sounds rather Scottish than Irish, I like that you set her as Irish, though.)
The last description about her work is so unforgettable. I'll be back. :)