Reviews For blood in the water


Name: TidalDragon (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 04:41 AM · For: broken parts

Howdy doody!

 

This story gets more and more intriguing and more and more awesome!

 

There are so many evolving (or hidden, even if if barely) dynamics between characters and now we see the re-introduction of at least one of the mysterious characters from the beginning of the story. And apparently they're watching James (II) Potter and Associates. It's not an altogether surprising development given their...business, but is certainly brought home further by this ending scene.

 

The interaction between Damon and Charlotte was also interesting to me because she also treats him frosty in private. I suppose isn't completely surprising either as the public, but the intensity of it is a little. Plus the sniper shot about him knowing what he was getting into. Ouch.

 

I am really interested to see what Fred finds out about Juliette. Was he blinded because of his unrestricted...carnal urges...or is there something more? A fake Squib double-agent? These are the crazy theories your story is giving me so good job. Thanks. In any event, Fred has clearly exposed them to dangers of whatever type they might be - learning too much and getting caught by the other side and turned or just being embedded from the start.

 

I eagerly await your new chapter!



Name: TidalDragon (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 04:14 AM · For: edge of desire

Howdy again!

 

It appears that development I wondered about is taking place quickly what with the violence escalating rapidly from previous chapter. It's become relatively clear now what the trackers were on - or in more accurately - teeth. That's honestly just about as creepy as it gets, but then a story like this was always about to take that sort of turn.

 

When they're examining the scene, we see just how cold Charlotte really is toward her husband, stepping over him and having him moved upstairs out of their way. Though it seemed clear last chapter, it's confirmed this chapter that she and James are having an affair - it seems for some time - because it also seems clear that the children are his. I'm going to go ahead and venture that husband thinks the kids are his though. I love the way the pictures seem to show this.

 

I'm really interested to learn who they've got in the alley and what his connection to all these events are. And why they want to stop the smuggling of an antidote source. Is this disease a plague of their creation? And is it transmitted via...water?

 

See you in the last (for now) chapter!



Name: TidalDragon (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 03:45 AM · For: miracle

Howdy!

 

Because I'm woefully behind on reading awesome Gryffindor stories, I figured I'd start here rather than the hyper-intimidating 25+ chapter novels.

 

From a general perspective, I'm really loving the story's vibe. You start out with a scene that remains inexplicable through the first chapter that's nothing short of ominous and you follow that throughout with more mystery. James and Charlotte in particular seem to know more than everyone else in the room wherever they appear, yet we're not clear why or fully what it's about even with the statement about smuggling. It feels a little like Peaky Blinders to me after Tommy has gotten the family established credibility.

 

As far as characters go, this is obviously told from the James (II) perspective who is clearly a calculating guy. It sounds like he's trying to do a good thing with smuggling, but at the same time you wonder to what extent he's had to go to get there. It seems like he's running in some nefarious circles - probably a necessity since he's, you know, smuggling - but I can't help but think the cure for the disease or the substance from which it might be synthesized isn't the only thing he's smuggling.

 

Charlotte is a really unique character who obviously carries more outward cachet than just a name (though James may have more than that, we'll see). She is obviously a co-conspirator in all this and she has no compunction about using her attractiveness to distract or command attention before giving orders.

 

I'm focusing on the characters for now amid the mystery, but I look forward to seeing how they and the story develops into the next chapter! 



Name: LadyMarauder (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 09:53 AM · For: broken parts

Business as usual. I love the repetition of that phrase, as being in this sort of ‘job’ is all about putting on a face and showing nothing is going on, which really stuck out to me.

 

I loved seeing some more of their families and the dynamic between the Potter siblings was great, almost like we usually see in the next gen genre. I loved that Al is in such a well-respected, normal job as a healer in comparison to James’ underground smuggling dodgy dealing world. Lily not knowing what she wants to do and their general chatter between each other makes it seem like they are just a normal family with nothing crazy going on under the surface.

 

Also what do they think James does for a living? I mean Harry has been sniffing out dark wizards since he was 11, how can he not know that his son and at least two of his nephews are involved in such a dodgy world? Surely they would be interested in his job...unless he's really great at covering his tracks, because they all seemed aware he's a "businessman", because Lily didn't seem at all interested in joining any of the family career paths.

 

And wouldn’t the rest of the Potters be asking about the children in general if James is the dad, or asking about Charlotte? It all seems very sketchy and this is one of the areas I’d love more answers to! You’re so good at only giving a little at a time and although it is super frustrating for me because I want to know everything, it’s such good storytelling though.

 

Though I do love that Harry has set up a fundraiser for underprivileged children - it seems like something canon Harry would do. I love that Freddy said he'd rather go to the bar than towards his mother...it seemed like such a natural dialogue and it did make me laugh.

 

So Juliette is very interesting. Did any of them not think to ask some more questions about who she was and what she was doing in the alleyway? Also, they all seemed a little surprised that Angelina knew she was a muggle - or non-magic. Is she a squib maybe? I’ve no idea, but she’s definitely not what she seems! Is she some kind of plant from the bad guys who seem to be after James? I just got the impression James and co were very thorough in all their 'business dealings' that they would really ensure that a new girl would be completely checked out before being brought anywhere near their underground world.

 

That black substance on James’ grandparent’s gravestone, was it the guy in chapter one who put it there from the cigar, because wasn't there some kind of magic that kept it from sticking to it? If so, whoever it was that put it there is definitely watching James and cleaned it off after he noticed - could it be some kind of message, because James certainly thought it was something to investigate further. James must have been in this business for ages to know exactly when things are not right and he’s being watched. I’m SO invested in this so please, please, please update soon!!

 

Tasha xx



Name: LadyMarauder (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 09:41 AM · For: edge of desire

Oh, oh, OH. I can’t believe there are children involved in this and you’ve had them KIDNAPPED. What kind of monster are you, Sarah?!! Hang on a moment, please tell me the teeth in the last chapter came from an actual child - Charlotte's child? Or was it a very clear message that whoever it was that took the children - likely the guys at the beginning of the last chapter - that they are dangerous and playing totally dirty?

 

I’m so intrigued by James and Charlotte’s relationship and need to know more about it. It seems that James is the father of the children so I'm wondering what happened there, because they seem so close and best friends. However, whatever they are it's clear that James is totally in love with her.

 

That moment in the kids’ rooms was really quite heartbreaking, especially because it wasn’t falling to the floor sobbing, it was much more subtle and they kept their emotions inside. This shows their characters really well and I really liked their interaction with each other. The fact that the bodyguard’s death was slow and drawn out makes me wonder what the children actually seen, but I'm REALLY glad that it didn't look like they were dragged out, so James seems really sure they will be ok. Also, how old are they here? I’ve no idea when this is set which I like too, it’s another mystery to solve! (Though please answer at least one of these mysteries soon, I'm already going crazy!)

 

The picture of the James, Charlotte and Freddy at Hogwarts is really interesting - was that when they were all innocent maybe? It seems like a very domestic setting there with the clock and pictures like it's really a warm family home, y’know apart from all the blood, gore and dead bodies littering the room.

 

Instead of answering ANY of my questions, you’ve given me so many more and I spent the whole chapter trying to figure it all out. I like that though, I’m really enjoying trying to work it all out and that's such a good quality in a writer by not spoon feeding anything. I still don’t know whether James is a likeable character or not, but the morally grey characters are the most interesting to me, so I'm loving discovering that.

 

The trackers were totally genius and the operation, whatever it is, is a lot more complicated than I first thought. Especially when there was talk of getting Harry involved in it and the fact that it seems like a complete last resort. It’s a lot more underground if even he doesn’t know about it.

 

The end chase was written so well! There was just enough description to make it fast paced and really exciting, so thanks for ending this chapter just as amazing as the first. Also, the girl they found crying…she’s interesting. I don’t know why, but I think she’s going to be important to the plot.

 

I’m off to read the next chapter immediately!

 

Tasha xx



Name: LadyMarauder (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 09:23 AM · For: miracle

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I remember when this was just an idea and I was SO excited about it. I’m finally getting to read it and wow, wow, wow I’m obsessed already! I’m not usually into complete AUs but I’m totally in love with this. I’ve never read any kind of story in the Harry Potter world like this, so well done for creating a cool and unique concept. At first I didn’t think it was going to be set in the magical world so it was a surprise (a really good one!) that it was.

 

Are you really into mob shows or something, because everything - the characters, the description and dialogue are all so good, you’ve really created a well-rounded world here with really interesting characters. James is the perfect leading man, though what a character change for what we usually see of him in next gen stories. He’s pretty cold with his business dealings and his, er, private ones. That beginning section when we first meet him where he ditches the girl he isn’t bothered about learning the name of, or that his colleagues (for want of a better word) see her, makes him seem like such a tool, so I wonder what he’s going to be like as the stay continues.

 

Starting from the beginning, the three guys at the beginning seem to be watching James maybe? The fact they met at his grandparent’s grave seems like it must be significant as well as the main guy’s attitude of being on time, his well-fitted suit and tone of voice. I think he is some kind of businessman in the same underground world as James maybe.

 

I’m loving Charlotte already and her attitude of “I wasn’t asking” to James, like she can totally handle herself, thank you very much. James is in too deep with her isn’t he? But what’s this about a fiance, because she’s “playing the role” of a good one, so is this all part of the dodge dealings? The fiance doesn’t seem too weirded out that she’s all close to James so it makes me feel that they’re just platonic friends that are all mates together. We’ll see.

 

So, this crazy smuggling business that James and his pals and cousins are in… is it really that dodgy or are we going to find out it’s all for the greater good in the end? I really want to know more about what is going on because I don’t know who the good guys and who are the bad guys are at the moment.

 

Also, the fact that they’re all playing poker at the end was pretty funny - just like a mob boss and his team would be. I loved seeing Louis in there too, as he doesn’t often crop up as much as some of the others and I kind of love him at the moment.

 

That cliffhanger ending was edge of your seat stuff and I can’t wait to find out what that’s all about because THAT WAS INSANE! Are they REAL teeth from an actual child? Please say no - because if they are this just got even darker than I thought it would be.

 

I felt like I was watching a movie as I was reading this. Your characters are incredible and the world you’ve created is awesome!

 

You’ve left me with a million questions and I need answers so I’m off to read the next chapter!

 

Tasha xx



Name: crowsb4bros (Signed) · Date: 27 Jan 2020 04:22 PM · For: edge of desire

Hi Sarah! :) 


One thing that really sticks out to me even in the first chapter, but especially in the subsequent chapters is how well you write such a large cast of characters. Each of them have such distinct voices and personalities. I’m very curious to know how you keep each OC so distinct from one another without any bleed through? 


Teamwork makes the dream work! ;) 


I'm really impressed when James is looking for the traces of magic and realizes their protective spells were broken. Is that something he picked up from the many aurors in his life? Or maybe something he picked up on his own. It has the trappings of advanced magic to me.

I’d die for a spin-off of Avi and Julian doing the clean ups for these messes. I’m just picturing Avi standing in the goriest bloodbath of a scene with zero reaction. 


I can't imagine how terrifying it would be to come home to a ransacked house and children taken. I’m hoping the squad goes full Liam Neeson. Liam and Olivia seem like complete sweethearts so they better make it out of this okay. 


Reading the ship scene makes me wonder about their cardio routines. It has to be mandatory in this business, right?


Poor Juliette finding herself mixed up in all this by accident. Will they keep her? Wipe her memory? Interrogate her? I’m excited to find out!


This chapter was very well written! The pacing was perfect for the suspense of the action scenes with enough breaks to keep me on the edge of my seat! The dialogue all felt very organic! 


Paula

 



Name: MuggleMaybe (Signed) · Date: 26 Jan 2020 04:25 AM · For: broken parts

Another Round 1 review for CMDC

 

I loved seeing the whole Potter family together in the first section! It makes complete sense that Harry would create a foundation to help endangered children. The magical society really doesn't do the best with social services. And it also makes sense that he'd want to remember his parents more, now that he has the ability to do so. I wonder how helearned their birthdays? Maybe Hagrid knew. Or Minerva. That would be a cute scene to see 

 

It was also fun to see your versions of each character in the family. I really felt for Lily being the youngest and not sure where she's heading! I found it hard to tell how much the family knows about James' *ahem* vocation. They seemed pretty clueless, but they obviously know he has some kind of job. If they do know, that puts Harry in a tight spot since he's a in a leadership role in law enforcement - although i also think he'd approve of James' endeavor. Harry isn't exactly someone who holds the law sacred. If they don't know, i look forward to them finding out. (Ok, so I love some drama.)

 

What is the black stuff??

 

Charlotte needs to leave that marriage, just saying. They don't seem to care about each other at all. Well, I'm not as sure about him but she definitely doesn't seem to care.

 

I am so happy Juliette is staying in the story! Like James, I am eager to learn more of her backstory. If she were a typical muggle who'd never encountered magic, she'd be freaking out WAY more than she is, right? 

 

On a related note, the scene where she meets George and Angelina was amazing. 

 

but

 

but

 

Sarah, where is the rest?? I would be happy to provide all required cheerleading for you to continue working on this fic because I need to know if the children are safely returned home and what juliette's story is and if charlotte and james will get together and also WHO IS SPYING ON JAMES??

 

you are cruel leaving me in suspense this way :P (I totally get it though please do not look at the date of my last wip chapter, yikes)

 

xoxo Renee



Name: MuggleMaybe (Signed) · Date: 26 Jan 2020 03:42 AM · For: edge of desire

CMDC round 1! Woo!

 

Hello again! Back for more of this story! :D

 

I have to admit, I had to go back and reread chapter 1 because I was super disoriented when I started reading. You really pack in all the action!

 

When the glowing teeth came up in chapter one, i definitely didn't know what they meant, but now that i do i see why charlotte reated the way she did! Her poor kids! I hope they are ok. But even if they are, they must be so scared. Please say they are safe and ound by the end of the story!

 

The relationship between Charlotte and Janes is interesting. It seems telling that there's a photo of them and Freddy in her house, right alongside the family portrait, and James is clearly very caring toward not only Charlotte herself, but also her children. And she obviously trusts him absolutely. I have to wonder why they aren't together.

 

I also think it says a lot about James that he invented such stealthy trackers, presumably for the purpose of keeping his loved ones safe. That shows a really deep love and also a deepset fear of losing the people he loves, even if he's cool and collected on the surface. 

 

One thing you do expertly is build character through motion and action. Like, when Freddie crouches down and reaches towar Juliette, even though he's this tough guy, that motion in and of itself shows a lot of tenderness. And when Charlotte steps cooly over her unconscious husband, it shows (conversely) a grit that her elegant charm does not obviously convey. You utilize those details so well, I need to learn this technique!

 

I'm curious about Juliet and if she'll be a recurring character or if Freddy is just going to obliviate her, which is what i initially expected. I guess I better read the next chapter, just in case it tells me ;)

 

Another great chapter! Loved it!

 

xoxo Renee



Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 25 Jan 2020 02:13 PM · For: broken parts
Hi, I'm here for the reviewing event, Round #1
Okay, Freddie is way too trusting of this Juliette. She might not have anyone that would miss her but if she did, she definitely would lie about it. (I’m still wondering why he didn’t obliviate her immediately, if not after before than at least after he apparated them away.) One line jumped out at me about Freddie’s story being long which James appreciated. I wonder about the look in Freddie’s eyes when he told the story, like this girl might be special to him and James recognizes that because while I understand not wanting the bodies to pile up (Hello, James what you are into that you say that without pausing) I think his reasoning on messing up mind modifications was a bit weak. (After all if Gilderoy Lockhart can do it. . . .) The scene at Lily and James’s graves really showed the dichotomy of James’s life (and apparently his parents lack of knowledge.) Even the setting demonstrates the difference in the two sides of his lives which cigar ashes on the graves the first time and roses on the second round.


The lipstick shade was also very telling about her current stress level-revival, as was the conversation (or lack thereof) between her and Damon. Why on Earth are those two even together? It’s obviously a charade but what’s the background story?

 

Okay, now I’m a bit confused about the black substance, but I guess I’ll just have to wait for chapter 4!



Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 25 Jan 2020 12:33 PM · For: edge of desire

The description of the destruction in the house and the dismantling of the wards were well detailed and nicely paced giving us enough information for that visual picture but not languishing up on it.   Ah, trackers, that’s why the teeth were glowing blue. The set up scene with the location of the tracks and the pictures was well done to hint at an inside job. I wonder if we’ve already met the perpetrator? If you are following the JKR twist strategy, I wouldn’t be surprised. 


The entire “handling it internally” makes me think: What type of family have the Potter/Weasleys turned into? Is Harry involved in all this smuggling?


The fight scene with Freddy, Tommy and the ginger haired man is well paced and kept you moving like action should make you feel. And the new woman, Juliette, I wonder why he didn’t just obliviate her right there. Why take her with them? It sounds like we have a new character in the mix and (this is my completely wild hypothesis) perhaps a love interest for Freddie?

 

Once again you’ve kept us on our toes and a great cliffhanger for the next chapter.



Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 25 Jan 2020 12:11 PM · For: miracle
Hi, I’m here for the Review fest, round #1

If your goal was to confuse but intrigue me, you have succeeded. As I read the first chapter, questions kept popping into my mind: Why does he despise his grandparents (or at least his actions suggest such) Who exactly is Charlotte to him? What is the (former) relationship between Erica and Freddie.


You also had me completely duped. I was convinced that James II was running some illegal drug/potion ring. Well, he is doing just that but I never envisioned him as doing this to help others. (Although I can envision the bureaucratic Ministry of Magic being inept enough not to allow a needed potion ingredient into the country. 


From the bedroom scene to looking at the watch, you’ve set up James’s character’s well. We have a good idea of who he is, but at the same time, left some mystery with the surprise shipment and his interactions with Charlotte (and her fiance.)

 

The ending with Charlotte rushing in with two blue teeth and so obviously distraught is a great cliffhanger. Again more questions than answers but definitely makes one want to click on the next button. Nice job. This looks like the start of a great novel.



Name: MuggleMaybe (Signed) · Date: 25 Jan 2020 06:03 AM · For: miracle

for the CMDC, round 1 (break in)

 

Sarah!

What even is this story and why haven't i heard more about it??? I am at a loss for words.

 

I have never read a next gen story like this. Not ever. I am awestruck by the glamour of this, the uniqness of it, the high intensity. but, okay. I'm gonna try to be coherent.

 

Here is what I understand to be true:


- James and co. are involved in some kind of highly lucrative, illegal trade to get the inredients needed for a cure for an epidemic called pulmonary sangunitis

 

- So they're shady, but ethically so :P

 

- James is in love with Charlotte....
- who is married to his business rival? (ouch)

 

-Erica ditched Freddie to move to the US and James knows how to hold that grudge (better than freddie does, whoops)

 

This chapter made me feel like I was watching a movie. It's got this very Mad Men sort of vibe, with the cigars and cocktails at work, and stunning women there to manipulate you. Ok, that last one is more James Bond. And then, on the other end, that opening paragraph, the bruised knuckles of James henchman... that's a dark shadow to the glamour. An undebelly. It's very enticing. I want to soak up all of it, the gritty back alley and the corner office. 

 

I think this all comes through because you write so fluidly. The description here is reserved and refined and just this side of austere. In other words, it's perfect. And the dialogue, oh my gosh, it's spot on!

 

I am real tired so I can't quite formulate my thoughts into more words right now but why haven't i read more of your writing? Why haven't I heard more raving about this fic? Don't tell anyone, but this is the most compelled I've been to stay up all night reading a fic in a long time. Too bad my eyes will barely stay open :P

 

Anyway baically I found this way too compelling for my own sanity, and you're a fab writer <33

 

xoxo Renee



Name: crowsb4bros (Signed) · Date: 19 Sep 2019 11:15 PM · For: broken parts

Hi there! 

 

I’d like to start off by saying I’m really excited you began the chapter with a bit from The Maine in the chapter summary. They’re still one of my favorite bands to this day. The quote makes me have ominous hope for the chapter though! ;) 

 

I’m really enjoying the way you’ve painted the sibling dynamic between James and Lily. It’s a bit antagonistic in a way that reminds me of my own brother. The entire family feels so natural and the dialogue is so fluid that it’s easy for me to forget that it’s fictional. 

 

I also really enjoy the imagery you conjure in your descriptions. The blood red lipstick Charlotte is painting on, the way her words drip, the silence of the graveyard. You really paint a picture. 

 

I love Charlotte. I know she’s a bit morally uh ambiguous but she’s a character that I just really can’t wait to see more of. I want to know what makes her tick. I’m also looking forward to finding out who exactly is watching them. I imagine they won’t last long once they are found out! 

 

 

I’m looking forward to the next chapter! 



Name: grumpy cat (Signed) · Date: 23 Aug 2019 10:47 PM · For: broken parts

hey sarah, i'm here for our swap! *_*

 

i have a lot of thoughts on this chapter – first of which is the potter family dynamic! i really liked the glimpse we saw of james and the rest of his family and how they interact with each other, it’s obvious they’re close and they like to banter and all that good stuff (i loved seeing some of the banter that you’re so good at writing make its way to this decidedly dark fic :D ) but at the same time, i can’t help but wonder at james, at his motivations and how he manages to keep his two lives – that of a crime boss and that of harry potter’s son, separate :O i’d love to know more about how he got into the business and honestly, the way he’s protective of lily, of charlotte, his kids, even freddy, it all makes me think that hiding things from his family must come hard to him, even if he doesn’t show it. and he basically uses his dad for information….which, morally, is quite dubious but when you’re a crime boss, you have to make do with what you can.

 

i’m amazed at both him and charlotte at being so put together (at least outwardly) – i expected that they’d immediately go into some kind of action, and they probably did but it’s behind the scenes and i’ll have to wait for more of the story to see what exactly the two of them cooked up and how they’re planning on getting their kids back :P

 

juliette is an enigma – from the start of the chapter i had a feeling that she was lying, or at least not telling the whole truth, which was just confirmed later. i’d be tempted to think she does have something to do with the whole kidnapping affair but then again, maybe not. maybe she’s just a damsel in distress, waiting on freddy to save her (and he does seem like the type with a huge heart and charlotte obviously seems to think so).

 

all of charlotte and damon’s interactions just leave me confused ??? why are they even together? because they don’t really seem to like each other all that much. is it business related? something else entirely? :OOO

 

angelina and george made me giggle a little bit, i love seeing glimpses into james/freddy/charlotte’s other lives that aren’t crime-related (though, are the delano couple important? charlotte seemed weird around them :O )

 

and that black substance :O

 

also yes, charlotte, even in the face of her two kids being kidnapped, is still a badass queen. so. we need more of charlotte. and possibly some james/charlotte *_* and just generally more of this story because it’s great and mysterious and i looooove it!!

 

kris



Name: copilot (Signed) · Date: 17 Jun 2019 04:58 PM · For: miracle

first things first: i am finally here for your requested review and second things first: oh my LORD i lOVE this because 1) GRANDSON!!!! 2) MOB AU???? GOOD CONTENT!! (also i'm doing a sly wink wink under the table because i loved the idea of smuggling/underground activities so much it's a prominent part of a certain story and i absolutely LOVE your take on it!!!) 

and oh my gosh i won't lie im a little confused about the damon/charlotte/james triangle that's hinted at here but i am also all for it and if i didn't know i wasn't straight already i would definitely be very confused by how gay i am for charlotte??? i'm not sure how you've done this but i love it too and i'd just like to say after the end of this chapter, my response was to instantly click for the next (i read this on ao3 first lol) and you've nailed me, i'm hooked, please feed me more, my crops are watered, my children are fed (monkaS) my skin is clear and the table is made

 

- love, emily 



Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 26 May 2019 05:01 PM · For: miracle

hey sarah,

here for our swap!

I've been meaning to stop by this story forever!

I loved the section so much because how you've set the scene in this piece. I love the imagery that you've created as it really sets the tone for the story. I wasn't sure what I should be expecting exactly but you've crafted something with such an instant mystery and it already feels really edgy. It makes me very excited for the coming chapters. I thought it was interesting that they were at James' grandparents. It's really making my race at all the possibilities that lie ahead.

I feel the first scene when we see James as cut an interesting character in James. I don't think we get to see James like this too much in fan fic. It's very interesting that he is so business like with the girl and kinda cold?? I'll be good to see that character development through the story to see what kinda of person he is and if first impressions are what they seem.

I really love the character of Charlotte. She seems like we can really hold her own. She seems like her own person but she seems to know how to protective herself in this mob world. I thought her interest with James is quite interesting and I wonder what is going to be developing there as it's obviously that James has feelings for her but she's not giving anything away. I love that she has a signature colour too. It just shows she's such an icon and I'm here for that.

I think the world building is outstanding so far through characters' relationships, imagery and language and dialogue comes into play which creates such wonderful rich universe for these characters to thrive in. I want to know more about all the seeds that you've threaded throughout the chapter, you've set up some really interesting plot points.

The ending was chilling especially Charlotte breaking down when she has seemed so cool up to this point. I thought you had done such a amazing job at building the tension to this point but it's a cliffhanger that really works! This first chapter is fantastic, it tease so much. It looks we're in for a wild ride!

- Abbi xx    



Name: Lacey Black (Signed) · Date: 25 May 2019 03:05 PM · For: miracle

Hey Sarah! 

I'm here for it swap!

Wow so much just happened in this story and im a rambling to figure out what exactly is going on!

I absolutely love James here. His character is very authoritative and sensual too. He strikes me as a very solid and dependable character and of course he is, not only is he Harry Potters son but he is apparently the boss of some underground potion smuggling business.  Something seems to be making witches and wizards sick and im left wondering what it is? Where did it come from? 

The 8 minute delay is suspicious and for some reason I feel doubt surrounding Tommy and the Avi person. Though that could be the skeptical side of myself. I feel like Erica did something to Freddy || and I wanna know what it is. 

The ending has me dumbstruck.  Why are these teeth glowing why see they child size why does Charlotte have them and why is she so distraught over it?!

This is a very interesting story and I can't wait to read more!

Xo

LB



Name: grumpy cat (Signed) · Date: 24 May 2019 09:13 PM · For: edge of desire

AHA I KNEW THEY WERE/ARE A THING YES!

 

uhm, okay, now that that^ is out of the way on to the actual review of this decidedly sad chapter - idk what i even thought about the children's teeth in the previous chapter but them being trackers! that track james' and charlotte's kids! that's!!! i mean WOW! it's disturbing, it's horrifying for james and charlotte obviously but...i really liked the twist and what's more, i really liked the idea of the trackers - i thought it was quite original.

 

and oh wow what the...YOU'VE JUST OPENED UP ONLY MORE QUESTIONS FOR ME! why damon???? why no james&charlotte any more??? btw lol at charlotte just casually stunning her...supposed fiance because this obviously has nothing to do with him (and someone knows!) - that was a cool move and tells us a lot about charlotte's character.

 

i liked freddy's chase/action scene - it was well written and like, not too fast paced or anything, it was actually quite clear what was going on the entire time but with enough action and confusion as to perfectly describe the chase. at first, when tommy was sort of warning freddy about the girl, idk why, but i thought freddy might actually kill her...but i think it's actually the other way around??? so freddy is a good guy, i think and tommy is...a lot more ruthless? or maybe he just wanted to obliviate her or something, who knows.

 

i'm just!!! those exclamation marks are a perfect summary of my sort of incoherent review

 

but god, james...charlotte...i'm only two chapters in and i ship them hard.

 

grumpy cat / aka kris (because this is my first review as grumpy cat haha :P )



Name: ReillyJade (Signed) · Date: 23 May 2019 01:48 AM · For: broken parts

Hi, Sarah! I'm here with your requested review! I'm so sorry for the delay. 

 

I love that you've started bringing the families into this. The dynamics between James and his siblings were particularly well written; Lily, especially, was fabulous! I love the idea of Harry setting up a children's charity in honor of his parents. The whole family gathering in Godric's Hollow periodically throughout the year was a really nice touch. They all seem blissfully unaware of what James's work really involves, though. Like, clearly they know he's a busy man, but its clear they don't have the full picture, so it makes me wonder what he's told them. And I also wonder if they know anything about Liam and Olivia? Not about the kidnapping, but their actual existence. 

 

I still can't put my finger on what bothers me about Damon. It's more than the fact that I want Charlotte to be with James. Something about him is just... off. I get the feeling that he's up to his own charade of sorts.

 

Oh, good: Freddy didn't kill the girl. That's a relief! I honestly didn't think he would, but given their line of work, I was worried he may have been forced to. Okay, so, she's French... and perhaps a Muggle? Hmm. I doubt she's just a random girl who got tangled into this web by accident. She's another one who I feel is hiding something.

 

(Basically, everyone in this story is super shady and I love it haha.)

 

Oooh, the black stuff disappeared? That's really interesting. I'm assuming it was remnants from the cigar the man in chapter one was smoking, but regardless, it's super weird that its suddenly gone. James is right: someone is definitely watching him. 

 

Looking forward to more!

 

Cheers,

Reilly



Name: starbuck (Signed) · Date: 17 May 2019 08:22 PM · For: miracle

hey sarah, i'm here for our swap!

 

so many things happen in this chapter!! i'm full of questions :OOOO

 

but first...i know this is a crime story and all but omg the chemistry between james and charlotte....! that's going to be a thing, right? was it a thing in the past? are they just going to keep being just friends? i mean, that'd be cool, too, but james is obviously attracted to her so................ :O

 

now the rest - i love the idea for the story! i'm wondering what exactly james does when he's not smuggling in illegal potions ingredients during a health crisis which is more robin hood than the godfather of him (and i love it :P) - is it just gambling, or are they into more stuff?

 

the people at the start of the chapter (btw sorry i'm like skipping all over the chapter but i'm just very excited about it haha) obviously have it in for james for some reason...what i want to know is whether lily&james' graves have any significance/meaning or were they meeting there for the shock of it. i know it'd be spoilery to say anything lol but i have to ask haha

 

i also wondering about charlotte's fiance...what his deal is, is he james' enemy for real or is it about charlotte?

 

and the ending!! kid teeth????????!?!?! what?!! glowing blue?!?!? charlotte?!?!?

 

i love the mystery you've woven into this and i think it's the perfect first chapter and intro to the story - i'm hooked and need to read/know more!!!

 

(also freddy and erica? i love how both james and charlotte are protective of him...if i read the situation right ahhaha)

 

and somehow, even if i sort of dislike james - the way he treats the girl at the start of the chapter is....something i very strongly dislike. i'm still sort of entranced by him and his position and his flaws don't stop me from wanting to know more about him and especially how he got to be who he is. i can't imagine harry, an auror, would be too happy with a mob boss son??

 

kris



Name: ShadowRose (Signed) · Date: 14 May 2019 02:20 PM · For: broken parts

Hi Sarah! Here for our swap, and because I’m making an attempt to catch up on your AP bc you’ve written so much lately and I’m very behind!

Oh, we meet the rest of the Potters this chapter! So Al’s a Healer, and Lily’s still trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life - what does James’ family *think* he does? Because they obviously don’t know that he’s running a smuggling business/gambling ring thing, given that his dad commented on the antimony thing.

Also, I really love the idea that Harry would’ve started a charity in his parents’ honor and hosted the gala on Lily’s birthday. But hm, is that black substance related to the people who were talking by the Potter’s grave in the first chapter?

I’d been wondering how Damon would react to things once being un-Stunned, and the snarky comments about ‘oh wait, this probably doesn’t concern me’ are just excellent. I still really wonder how much he knows and why he and Charlotte are together - because Charlotte still seems relatively cold to him, for someone that’s supposedly her fiancé, and he really seems like he’s just a front, but I don’t know why. But I loved her thought process in front of the mirror - she and James are remarkably similar in their obsession with appearances - and the comments she made on the name of her lipstick shade were great because I also totally pick my lipstick colors based on the cool names they have.

Okay, phew, Freddy just brought the girl back to the office and didn’t, like, kill her or memory wipe her. That’s good at least, although I suppose this is technically kidnapping and that’s not much better, lol. But hmm, I wonder what situation Charlotte’s referring to and what Freddy did to get them in trouble last time.

Lol it makes sense that Charlotte would be able to just immediately tell someone’s sizes by just looking at them, I love it. Also, “She’s not going to comment on the use of gold eyeshadow with silver shoes. She’s not.” I’m pretty sure I’ve had this *exact* inner monologue on multiple occasions.

Haha yep the fact that she refers to her fiancé with the same level of disdain as she does Juliette with that ‘those two’ definitely confirms that she really doesn’t actually like him that much.

Oh god, poor Freddy getting cornered by his parents about his ‘new girlfriend.’ And he barely knows anything about her, which is just bound to be awkward, although she definitely does seem like she knows more about magic than just being an eyewitness to that one incident - I wonder what that’s about? As always, I have so many more questions!

And this ending! James goes back to investigate and whatever was there is just completely gone! So not only is someone watching him, but someone's watching him *very* closely if they noticed what he was looking at. They're both rightfully very paranoid at the end of this - I mean, not only are their children missing (and oh god, poor Charlotte having to pretend everything's fine) but someone's trailing them as well, and I don't blame them for being a little off-kilter about it. They're both excellently composed about it, even if they do both internally feel very uncomfortable with it.

As usual, these characters are awesome and this mystery and set-up is so interesting and I still need to know all of the things!

-Taylor



Name: Chemical_Pixie (Signed) · Date: 06 May 2019 02:26 AM · For: broken parts

Sarah! Here for our swap, and the story of course!

 

Okay... okay. That opening scene is so touching. I love how the Potters convene at Lily and James's graves on their birthdays, and that Harry opened a charity in their honor. And that you've finally introduced the families. It's interesting how you refer to Ginny, Harry, George, and Angelina as their kids' parent (James's mum or Freddy's dad) for most of the time. It removes our favorite HP characters from this intricate and shady world that James and Freddy are operating. I want the boys have to a close, open relationship with their parents (because they're all so awesome), but it creates some wonderfully suspenseful tension within the story that there's distance and a lot of secrets within the family. Which leads me to wonder: HOW? and Why?

 

Charlotte is such a complex character. I really do adore her, though I wish I knew why she's engaged to Damon. I still don't see what advantage he brings to the table, unless it's for her protection or for the organized crime ring's protection. Clearly, this relationship hasn't protected her children, so how worthwhile can this relationship be? (Plus, I kinda sorta definitely ship her with James, lol). She puts on such a brave face throughout all this turmoil, this girl can play the game, that's for sure!

 

I love, love, love, love how James goes back to the graveyard. In some fics, the main character notices something like the black mark, but when they're torn away from further investigation THEY DON'T GO BACK. Like... if I were time, I'd definitely take the time to go back, and THANK MERLIN HE DOES. But... the mark is gone! What?! This is sooooo intense, and I absolutely adore this fic. Even though you wrote only 200 words of it in April, the rest of what you've written this month has been well worth the wait! :D 



Name: VaguelyCreativeName (Signed) · Date: 05 May 2019 08:34 PM · For: miracle

Hey Sarah, I’m here with the review you requested!

 

I absolutely love that opening paragraph, and how you just drop us right into the midst of things! There’re a lot of unanswered questions, like who are those people, and what are they doing in the graveyard, who are they waiting for? I love that we know so little because it really helps to build up tension. I’m also very intrigued by your depiction of James; he’s usually portrayed as this happy-go-lucky kind of person, which makes me wonder how he came to be the ruthless, conceited businessman you show him to be.

 

Ugghh, you really make it easy to dislike James, with the way he treats the people around him, whether it’s the nameless girl – which in itself makes me really annoyed with him – or his employees, and with how he expects them to clean up after him. Yet at the same time, I’m still intrigued by how he got there, especially as business is such an unusual career for James Potter to pursue, so I’m curious to find out what got him there. It can be very difficult to find the right balance with an unlikable main character, but you’ve done wonderfully in creating an unsympathetic, but intriguing character: Even if I can’t stand him, I still want to know what happens to him.

 

I’m also very intrigued by Charlotte, she seems very much like a woman who knows what she wants, and exactly how to get, so I’m eager to know what ‘the issue’ is. James’ apparently unrequited attraction to Charlotte also serves to make him a bit more likeable; even if it doesn’t excuse his behaviour, it at least explains his motivation. It also looks as though Charlotte’s feelings for Damon might not be genuine, if she has to ‘take on the role of adoring fiancée’, so I wonder how that’ll play out.

 

Christ, it looks as though James’ business practice is a lot shiftier than I originally thought, if he’s hired people specifically for torture; but it looks as though his dark deeds are actually motivated by a desire to help cure a disease? That’s so interesting, especially as he seems so dismissive of the fact that that woman might die! Morally ambiguous characters are always fascinating, and James is no exception – I love how you keep spinning this web of machinations and deceptive practices that James is involved in, because it really serves to draw in your readers.

 

This was such a good opening chapter; you’ve established so much about the individual character dynamics – it’s clear that there are some very real tensions, even between the three best friends, and it looks as though Freddy’s gotten the short straw in terms of power relations. I’m also intrigued to find out more about James’ business, because I’m still not sure what exactly his dealings are, but the way it’s set up out of mostly family and old school friends makes it seem very mafia-like. The way you create suspense and mystery, particularly in that final scene is also SO GOOD because what on earth is up with those teeth?

 

            Much Love,

            Julia

 



Name: Chemical_Pixie (Signed) · Date: 24 Mar 2019 10:28 PM · For: edge of desire

Sarah! Here for RvG and for your requested review.

 

I was so stoked to read this chapter. Your first chapter is gripping and mysterious and raises so many questions! The second chapter raises even more!

 

I love how your plot isn't spoonfeeding us the answers, too. I find myself analyzing everything you've written. And wow! That description of Charlotte's house! I was blown away at how clear I could see everything. The teeth, the photos, the table, simply amazing. Chilling. Who are Liam and Olivia? Are they Charlotte's children? And maybe James's? Or Damon's? Hmm...

 

James and Charlotte's moment in the kids' rooms is so tender and sweet. I can tell they really, really care for each other. And it makes the situation even more heartbreaking... and then mentioning Harry, ohhhh boy. I love the fear and the dread they have at the mere thought of getting Harry involved--it highlights just how under the radar everything must be... ahh! I am so intrigued by how James and Freddy got started in his and how they've built up this organization!

 

AND THAT LAST SCENE! Sarah, that was incredible! Once again, your description was sooooo good! I was on the edge of my seat, wondering if Freddy and Tommy would 1) be okay and 2) catch the guy. Juliette was a surprise, and I am curious to see what layer of complexity she brings to the overall story.

 

Chapter two has left me with more questions than when I began, though I have a clearer picture of the world you've created. Brilliant, Sarah!!! 



Author's Response:

Hi Abby! Thank you for this lovely review! I love that you're analyzing everything for answers- I feel like that's so you! I'm glad you enjoyed the description in this chapter- it was a lot different that the narrative of last chapter, so I was hoping it all came over well! James and Charlotte's moment by the kids' rooms definitely gives some good insight to their relationship but does make the situation that much more heartbreaking. Ahh I was so nervous about the last scene so I'm glad you liked it! I wasn't sure it would come off as fast-paced and exciting as I wanted it to! Glad you enjoyed the second chapter; thanks for reading and reviewing Abby!

-Sarah



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