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Reviews For Beyond Repair

Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 24 Sep 2017 05:10 PM · Chapter: The Picnic

Aha! The answer to when I will be back for another chapter has appeared surprisingly quickly in the form of “M3 - Review one of this month's featured stories!” I am in favor of this turn of events.

 

I feel like recently you mentioned something about a chapter I hadn’t quite gotten to and maybe a moral dilemma or something? Maybe we were talking about Silver and selfishness? I don’t remember, but I wish I did.

 

This chapter also seems very similar to the scene in The Prince’s Tale, but I haven’t read that in so long that I forget the details.

 

“why she’d want to spend even a moment with that loathsome boy was well beyond Petunia’s understanding.” I’M WITH YOU, PETUNIA! Yeah, yeah, I get why that friendship is valuable to Lily at this point, but still….

 

(I’m going to be selfish and hope he isn’t in too many chapters)

 

I like the line about how Petunia is creeped out by the way he looks at Lily.

 

This is a great Petunia line: “Petunia tried to prevent her brain from unpuzzling his words, which were sure to reveal a reality she did not care to face”

 

I like that Severus and Petunia both see an appeal in Imperio that is almost childishly innocent, not thinking about the darkness of it, and Lily instantly rejects that.

 

Petunia  goes through such a rollercoaster of emotions in this chapter, which helps keep her as human as ever and keeps her an interesting narrator despite her lack of action.

 

Yay another good chapter =)

 

Love!



Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 24 Sep 2017 07:01 AM · Chapter: Don't Let Go

Hey, I'm back for MAGIC again!

 

I love how this starts out with Lily believing that her older sister is magical because of all the "amazing" older-sibling things she can do! Of course, Petunia telling Lily that she doesn't want to play with her because she's 'a baby' wasn't very nice, but very true to the way siblings fight. I also think it's adorable that Lily believes that they are best friends. You've captured the girls in their childhood so nicely in this.

 

Lily's motivation to succeed and to do things seems to be centered around being able to do these things with Petunia (going to the 'fancy' school and learning how to ride a bike). She's absolutely determined to ride that bike so that she and Petunia can ride together that summer. It's perfect and adorable and oh-so sweet! So is Petunia taking on her big sisterly duties and offering to teach  Lily how to ride after catching her falling a few times.

 

Even after the frightening incident of Lily being unable to stop the bike (and now I'm having flashbacks to my first bicycle crash), Lily's still ecstatic and bubbly. It's amazing. I love that she still gets to ride back 'with' Petunia.

 

Again this chapter was adorable and I think you're doing an exceptional job with this piece!

 

-Rumpel



Name: AltraX (Signed) · Date: 24 Sep 2017 06:23 AM · Chapter: Daddy's Little Flowers

Hiya! Stopping by for a quick review for MAGIC!

 

I was browsing through stories and when I caught the summary and idea behind this story and I knew I would have to stop and take a look. Partly because I haven't read many stories that look at the relationship between Lily and Petunia but also because I never really thought much about what their relationship looked like and how it evolved over time. Like, there were little glimpses into what their relationship was like, and it obviously didn't turn out to be very good in the end, but I never contemplated how it was before the animosity and I'm kind of excited to see what this story has to tell about it.

 

That said, I love this start. I love the perspective of young Petunia, how everything is so simple and she's sort of just following along where she's supposed to go. I love her fascination with her baby sister, how she notices that attention isn't fully on her, how it's a short lived observation as her mum hugs her and she forgets about it. It's totally fitting of her age and it's so normal, you know. The jealousy that can be distracted from. I think it's going to be interesting to read on and see how it develops from this normal thing to something more...

 

Great job!

-Mikaela    



Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 24 Sep 2017 05:43 AM · Chapter: Light As a Feather

Hello hugs!

 

Okay, so in finally coming back to this story, I realize a maybe subconscious reason I’ve been putting it on (cause come on me, the chapters aren’t even that long). The two things I love most about this story are how wonderfully you characterize Petunia, and the fact that we get glimpses of times when Lily and Petunia had a happy relationship. And part of me doesn’t want to read to the end and see that end. Hey, did you know I have avoidance issues??

 

Ugh Luny is so sweet and compassionate I can’t even. She is so excited, and yet her attention is drawn to her sister’s emotions and she wants to ease them. So much of Lily’s personality shines through in your narration, it really wows me.

 

I love the little details you included like saddle shoes - it makes it all feel very grounded and real.

 

Haha, boys aren’t just icky, they are NASTY

 

You did a good job weaving in little details that gave context to Petunia’s decision to kick out Lily, without having to slow down the narrative for it. Like the previous mention that the twins were the most popular girls, and the added emotional punch from the fact that Petunia deliberately chose a game Lily loved. Those details not only help the scene read smoothly, but also make it a little harder to simply hate Petunia in what could have been painted as a more black and white scenario.

 

I have to admit I don’t remember the other chapters super clearly, but just in this chapter you’ve done a good job of using small details to set up the dynamic between Lily and her father. Like how in “Mum and Daddy” his name is the more casual one that suggests a gentle playful relationship, and that he is the one in a room of adults she expects to see through her bluff.

 

Lily’s reaction to hearing Petunia taunted is very Gryffindor. I think it also says something interesting about Petunia that seeing someone defend her pushes her to do what she was resisting.

 

Favorite: “loved her with the sense-defying, all-forgiving love of a sister”

 

For a second there I thought the girls were going to think they had made Petunia float with their chant, but Petunia and Lily both clearly knew what really happened.

 

Okay, no I’m wishing I remembered the other chapters better. Does only Petunia know about Lily’s magic and not their parents?

 

The last sentence is really powerful, and does a great job of underlining how the events of this story shaped both girls in different ways.

 

I’m so glad I finally read this, and we’ll see how long it takes me to get to the next one =P

 

Love!



Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 24 Sep 2017 03:51 AM · Chapter: Daddy's Little Flowers

Hello, I'm here for MAGIC!

 

Okay, so I love this little introduction!

 

After all the Prince's Tale revealed to us about Petunia and Lily, I've drawn several conclusions. One being that, before Severus, Lily and Petunia were quite close (despite the wariness Petunia had about Lily's magical abilities). The second being that Petunia, of course, was jealous of Lily's abilities, and felt left out.

 

So, I think this small peek into the first time Petunia meets Lily, where at first, it's sweet and full of amazement. Petunia meets her baby sister for the very first time -- she's feeling it in her heart in all the giddy ways she can't quite describe, and it positively melts me. I think that the jealousy that follows, as she watches her parents fawn over the newly born Lily, is not only a completely natural reaction but also one that set a tone for the rest of their relationship.  As I said before, there may have been several different ways that Petunia was jealous of Lily throughout her entire life, and I think that this introduction really set the stage for just that.  

 

Excellent job!

 

-Rumpel



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 04 Sep 2017 11:27 PM · Chapter: Owl Post

Eeee there's a new chapter!

 

Aw. This chapter is so perfect. I love it. I love how they're still talking to one another, because they're sisters, and they do still care about one another. Years of them being close wouldn't be destroyed in a second, that takes years... and so here you can see there's cracks forming, they're not as close to one another as they used to be, but they clearly still want to talk to one another and this just makes me so HAPPY to read them teasing one another and asking about each other's lives because they're genuinely interested. And I adore the little anecdotes about Lily's first year, I can tell exactly who she's talking about and I bet the pranks on the Marauders were hilarious ;) I do kind of feel bad for Petunia getting a letter by owl in the middle of the day and constantly having to come up with plausible excuses - all the work falls on her and her parents shoulders about keeping the wizarding world hidden from Muggles while Lily is away. But I'm glad they found a way around it.

 

I'm so glad you updated and this chapter was lovely. I really liked the format too with the letters - it's such a great way to show the passage of time and works really well to keep showing the relationship between the two sisters while they're apart during the school term.

 

You are amazing and so is this chapter. Loved it.



Name: Edward (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Aug 2017 08:20 AM · Chapter: Light As a Feather

Hello, sweet! Since I’ve noticed your main focus has been “Beyond Repair”, I chose this story as the third present for you.

 

I read through from chapter 1 to 9. It is awesome collection. All chapters are great and I mulled over in which I should leave a review, then I decided to drop here.

 

I remembered how my family reacted when the first invitation letter from Hogwarts was sent. You captured both Lily’s and her sister’s characteristics very well. You succeeded in the attempt to create a conflict which caught Lily and Petunia. They were torn between family ties and their identities. Your consistent theme will catch readers’ heart.

 

How adorable Lily was when she tried to do more than she could do to retrieve her sister’s attention to her. How bravery she was when she found Petunia was bullied during her slumber party. The highlight is the scene, Lily showed her magical ability for the first time in front of her sister and the girls in the same year. It is understandable that she couldn’t bear seeing Petunia’s predicament. As they had shared lots of precious moments like the night before going on a trip to ocean, Lily couldn’t ignore her sister’s trouble. But Lily’s concern towards Petunia brought about unfortunate result. Her pride as a big sister, her stubbornness, fear and jealousy towards magic prevented her from accepting her little sister’s help and her love.

 

However affronted she felt by Petunia’s insulting words, Lily couldn’t stop feeling thankful for her. Holding a jealous heart deeply in her mind, Petunia was always her friend and they were kindred spirits since they grew up together and shared the same pleasant memories.

 

Alas, fate is cruel for two Evans sisters. Each care, their kind intentions backfired.

 

I’ll be back to your story when Dromeda let me go out of our bed…

 

Edward



Author's Response:

Hello Ted! Thank you so much for reading the whole story, that is so kind of you!!! I am pretty fond of this chapter myself. I think one of the few traits they consistently hare is a streak of stuborn pride - which made Petunia unwilling to accept help, and Lily determined to give it. They are very lucky, in any case, that Petunia's friends dismissed the events so easily. Ha! Thanks again for the review and especially for reading all the way through! I really need to get back to this story soon!



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 22 Jul 2017 06:52 PM · Chapter: A Highly Unusual Day

*Transferred from HPFF*

 

Renee! I read the first five chapters of this ages ago and I could have sworn I'd reviewed this before, but it look like I didn't! I'm so sorry. I am the worst. So I'm going to make up for that now!

First here is me gushing about the story as a whole. I love this. Your portrayal of Petunia and Lily is so adorable, so touching, and so realistic. Petunia as a child is not always nice, but I can really understand her. Maybe because I'm an older sibling myself, but all the moments when Petunia is jealous of Lily being so doted on and the golden child of the family - I could relate to Petunia. And what I especially love about the way you write their relationship - of course they fight, and they're jealous of one another sometimes and try to look cool in front of their friends and don't always get along, but at the end of the day, they are sisters and they care about each other. I loved the chapter where they're on their pretend boat, it was adorable. I just love the realism of the way you portray these two characters, and the sweet sisterly moments between them are even more special knowing how it all turns out later.

Which makes this chapter so much sadder. It felt like a long string of misunderstandings, and reading this chapter I just felt like it didn't have to be the way it was! Even after all that's happened, Lily is excited to tell Petunia her thoughts about Hogwarts and says she'll miss her sister, and Petunia backs Lily up in that scene when Lily's parents find out about magic. Until the last section of the chapter, it didn't feel like she thought Lily was a freak, just that she was sad to be left out of all the excitement, and annoyed that Lily could share that excitement instead with Snape, whom Petunia hates.

And then they fight, just as Lily's about to leave for months, which means they leave on a bad note, and then you have that ominous ending line about a storm coming. You've had all sorts of symbolism in the story so far that I really love - they used to sit through the storms together, and Petunia was afraid of storms (which is so appropriate, because here you have storms symbolizing conflict, and Petunia totally demonstrates this aversion to conflicts several times - not thinking about Snape's background, covering for Lily at the slumber party... it's all there and I can tell how much thought you put into it - it's fantastic. Anyway, before I got sidetracked talking about your excellent symbolism, I wanted to point out that the end of this chapter made me sad, because it really feels like the point where they stop being friends :(

on the topic of less sad things:

She’d been on the phone arguing with Susie, and his lecture interrupted her phone call. It was totally embarrassing. -- haha this is classic! Daaad, stop embarrassing me in front of my frieeends! this line made me laugh.

And I loved the appearance of McGonagall arriving to explain about magic. Everything about that scene was wonderful :D

this was such a great chapter, a wonderful story overall, and of course that a/n about you having a backlog of finished chapters makes me very happy as well.

now go summarize your research article. :P



Author's Response:

<3 



Name: Crumple-Horned Snorkack (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Jul 2017 06:48 PM · Chapter: Station Wagon

Greetings from the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, out for another short adventure into the internet as a holiday from my months-long hibernation in the boreal forest of Sweden. How fortunate that I discovered this story!

You do such a wonderful job of showing how the division between the two sisters wasn't really anyone's fault in particular, just the result of a lot of jealousy and feeling left out and other things that are perfectly understandable to humans of that age. And the feeling is not limited to humans, in fact. My BFF the Loch Ness Monster is always telling me of the beauty of under water in the Loch, but Snorkacks aren't very good swimmers. Alas.

Poor Petunia, though, writing to the headmaster of Hogwarts and not being allowed in because she's not a witch. I would tell her she's welcome to stay with the Snorkacks in the northern forest here but she may not be able to find us, so I don't know how helpful it would be. It makes me sad that she said such mean things to her sister right before Lily left for school, because it's going to be a long time before they'll see each other next. And it's not Lily's fault that Lily just happened to be lucky enough to have magic. But of course it is going to change her, going to school. It's very sad how this is all turning out, but very believable, and no one is the villain. Both characters are perfectly understandable in how they're feeling.

This is such a wonderful story! But now, I must leave as I promised I'd meet Nessie for tea.



Author's Response:

<3



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 22 Jul 2017 06:49 AM · Chapter: A Highly Unusual Day

Here I am again! I thought I would profit and just go on reading. :P

I remember reading the first part ages ago, when you were writing it, in one of our Skype writing dates... I so miss them... anyway...

First of all, your description was great, as always. The sultry afternoon, Petunia painting her nails, McGonagall's appearence... also, I love that you sort of created a parallel between the weather and the narration, the growing tension between the two sister and the sense of suspension before the storm explodes.

By the way, the argument was just so sad... especially because they both just said right the things that would hurt the other more without meaning it. That's just how bad arguments go, isn't it? Wrong words and misunderstandings. But it really looks like the beginning of the end and it is so sad to see. I felt so bad for Tuney here...

Another great chapter! I really love this story!

Love you, my dear!

Chiara



Author's Response:

Hello again <3 I really had the hardest time with the chapter - I rewrote it three times, I think! This is definitely a moment where the fissure between them grows. Sad to write! Thank you again for the lovely review <3



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 22 Jul 2017 06:07 AM · Chapter: The Picnic

Hey, Renee, love!

Thought I would profit of your appreciation month to move on a bit with this lovely story you have here! ;)

Oh, poor, little Sev... even if he does have a few little creepy moments... like the desire when he looks at Lily, and the fascination he already has for Dark Magic. It was interesting to see the different reactions Lily and Petunia had at the mention of the Imperius Curse, I love how Lily can immediately see the darkness in it, while Petunia sees only the selfish part. It's so in character for both of them and I love how well defined their personalities already are, even if they are all just children,

But going back to Severus, I really felt for him and for his family situation, it's horrible the abuses he and his mother had to suffer, and it's so heartbreaking that he prefers to be the subject of his father's rage, just because he wouldn't go after his mum then. There is one thing that confused me a little, though... why did he have magical wounds if his father is a Muggle? Not important, but I tthought I'd ask.

I loved how Petunia felt pity for him, too, but fought it off because it was a reality she couldn't and didn't want to understand. Sometimes things are just too painful and it's easier to close your eyes and pretend they don't exist, isn't it? I loved the way you wrote her inner conflict.

And I also loved the way you wrote her jealousy, and the mental mechanism that will lead her to hate her sister and despise magic in the long run. She doesn't think magic is creepy, she loves the idea of it. What she hates is that she can't be part of it. And that's not even that, because what she really hates is that her sister doesn't mind shutting her out from that part of her (obviously, it isn't Lily's fault and Petunia should understand that, but seeing the situation in this light makes you understand her motivations much better and it makes total sense).

To cut it short, this was another awesome chapter, with wonderful character development. I so love how you write everyone. Actually, I so love how you write, dot.

Might be back for more later. See you for now.

Snowball hug,

Chiara



Author's Response:

Chiara! <3 Thank you for this lovely review! Especially ths: "what she really hates is that her sister doesn't mind shutting her out from that part of her" YES YES YES! Exactly how I see it! Thanks again!



Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 21 Jun 2017 09:15 AM · Chapter: Daddy's Little Flowers

Capture the Flag - Transfer from HPFF

So Petunia is a character that I have a soft spot for because I want to feel that's she misunderstood I guess.

I thought this was such a cute scene to the honest. I think you write little petunia so well, I think the line about talking not being allowed but it was noisy. it's really interesting the little moments that kids really pick up on and you've really captured that childish essence in petunia's character here. It's very natural for first child to be confused by a new arrival especially as we know what a complicated relationship they will have in the future. the groundwork for the rest of the story is really strong. this chapter just works so well as a taster of what's coming up in the story.

I think the moment that is rather heartbreaking thought for a child but probably quite realistic is 'Mummy loved Petunia again'. I guess children see things very black/white like that or maybe it's more a characteristic of petunia as a person. which ever it is, that line is pretty powerful I think. this chapter feels like fluff but the build up of petunia's feelings at the end changes the tone. I'm rather interested to see what your visions are for this story! xo

- Abbi xo



Author's Response:

Hello dear, thank you so much for this review!

 

I'm the baby in my family, but I do think it would be difficult to adjust to a new sibling. I'm glad you felt the rumble of tension here, so to speak.

 

xoxo Renee



Name: ShazaLupin (Signed) · Date: 12 Jun 2017 09:09 AM · Chapter: Don't Let Go

Me again! :P

Another brilliant chapter, I love the way you show the progression of the relationship between them as they get older. It's totally realistic, and I think that's one (of many) reasons why this is such a great read! I love how Petunia starts to become a little more resentful, it's great foreshadowing and really sets the tone for what's going to come. It also makes it more realistic because I don't think Petunia would just hate her sister for being a witch if she completely loved her beforehand. 

I love how you make such a simple muggle thing, like learning to ride a bike, into something, that because of Lily, has hints of magic in it. It's an interesting idea and makes for a great read! I love how simple it is but it is really effective and works really well.

Another great chapter, it's a brilliant story! :)

- Shaza.    



Author's Response:

<3



Name: ShazaLupin (Signed) · Date: 12 Jun 2017 09:08 AM · Chapter: Daddy's Little Flowers

Hey there,  just transferring some reviews over! 

Hey there, decided that since I read them I may as well leave a review! :) 

This is such a cute start, I especially love the way you write how Petunia sees things, especially her parents. Children do tend to idolise/see their parents as perfect, especially if they were treated well and I think that comes across beautifully in this. 

I love how you have the jealousy coming through as well, I think just over all you write Petunia really realistic and it's definitely something I can see her doing. 

This also makes me sad though, because Petunia already has this jealous streak and since we know that her reaction to Lily being a witch isn't positive, it makes me sad that moments like this don't last and it ends the way it does! :'( 

Anyhow, I love the story though, and I don't think I've read a story about the sibling relationship between them when they were young so great idea, and you've written it amazingly too! 

- Shaza :)    



Author's Response:

Thank you, Shaza! <3



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 03:23 PM · Chapter: Light As a Feather

***Transferred from HPFF***

Hey, Renee!
I've decided to leave a few reviews around today, so I could not stop here! :D

Wow! This was an intense chapter!

Poor Lily, I felt so bad for her... But that's how it works with siblings, isn't it? When the older one is with his/her friends, the younger becomes a burden. Also, those twins were really horrible!

I so loved the parallel you created with the Mudblood incident. Petunia being bullied, Lily trying to take her defences, Petunia refusing her help and insulting her. So sad, but so perfect.

And then Lily lost control, and gave Petunia and her friends a good scare. I'm glad Petunia covered up for her in the end. She still wants to protect her sister (at least for now...), and that's so sweet! Their relationship is so authentic! I so love the way you write the both of them!

This was a brilliant chapter, dear! I love this story so much!
Lots of love,
Chiara



Author's Response:

thank you dear <3



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 03:23 PM · Chapter: Sailing

***Transferred from HPFF***

Renee!!!
Oh, my!!! This is the most adorable thing I've ever read!!! *wub*
I loved this moment of pure cuteness between the two sisters! The excitement at the prospect of the trip, the typical older-sibling tickling, the game, that moment of fear when the storm broke and the way they overcome it simply by being together... So adorable...

Also, Petunia did have imagination... That's shocking... (well, no, not really... I'm so sad that she let her envy pull them apart...)

This was so beautiful! Really, I adore this story! You write so wonderfully! I'll be back! :)

All my love, as always!
Chiara



Author's Response:

<333



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 03:21 PM · Chapter: Don't Let Go

***Transferred from HPFF***

Hi, Renee!
Back again!
I did tell you I would come back, didn't I? And today I was just on a reviewing spread! :D

This is so adorable! You can really tell that the two sisters had a sweet relationship!
Petunia is Lily's hero, like it is normal for younger sibling to see the older one. Petunia is conflicted between feeling too cool to deal with her little sister and being overprotective of her, which is once again so typical and cute!

The bike ride was so lovely!!! And Lily used accidental magic? For the first time?

"Lily stepped up onto the pegs and rested her hands on her big sister’s narrow shoulders. And together, they flew."
Siriusly, how adorable is that closing line??? I love it! So much!

This is just brilliant, sweety! Loving this story more and more!!!
Tons of hugs!
Chiara



Author's Response:

<333 Your reviews are lovely, thank you for bringing this here



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 03:20 PM · Chapter: Daddy's Little Flowers

***Transferred from HPFF***

RENEE!!!
How did I wait so long to get here???
This is so beautiful! Just adorable! Baby Tuney is the most adorable thing I've ever read!!!
Oh, the sweetness, the family love! This is so wonderful! And your beautiful writing just makes it shine so brightly! You. Are. Awesome!
I must confess, it saddened me a tiny bit Petunia's moment of jealousy. But then, again, I suppose it's normal for older siblings. And sadly, we know how our relationship will end... Great foreshadow, by the way.
Aside from that, this chapter just warmed my heart! I will totally come back for more! :)
Good luck for February SOTM and the biggest snowball hug!
Chiara



Author's Response:

<3



Name: Rhaenyra (Signed) · Date: 07 May 2017 08:55 PM · Chapter: Don't Let Go

This was very touching.  At first I worried - somewhat irrationally - that Petunia and Lily's rift was going to start at this point, with Petunia calling her a baby.  Rationally I know it is just something all siblings go through but knowing the future made me worry all the same.  I was glad that this had a happy ending, with the sisters working together to get Lily riding a bike.  (And perhaps an early bit of magic?)  This was very sweet. :)



Author's Response:

This remains my favorite chapter of this fic, because there's something very sentimental about riding a bike in childhood. I could not have ruined things between them in a moment like this! =P If you keep reading, I am very interested to see what you think of my Petunia as she gets older.

 

Thank you for the review! <3



Name: Rhaenyra (Signed) · Date: 09 Dec 2016 11:21 PM · Chapter: Daddy's Little Flowers

I'm not sure where I was expecting this story to start, but it was not all the way back on the day of Lily's birth.  Yet, it makes perfect sense because this is the day they became sisters.  I know this is all very normal sibling jealousy, especially with a toddler, but knowing what's coming makes it more poignant.  99% of the time this would be nothing, but here it seems more like foreshadowing for where they will be in a decade's time.

 

This was short & sweet and I enjoyed it.  Can't wait to see what comes next.



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your review! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, too. =)



Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 06 Nov 2016 08:45 PM · Chapter: Daddy's Little Flowers

Review transferred from HPFF 4/11/16:

 

Hello!

I've wanted to read this story for ages, and I really don't know why I've only just gotten to it. I think Petunia is a really interesting character to write about, and I love that you chose to take a deeper look into her relationship with Lily.

Also, I am glad that you keep the chapter sizes small and manageable - I'd probably still be putting off reading this otherwise!

I think you do a great job of writing little Petunia. Realistically writing children can be a challenge, but I find her very believable here.

You capture Petunia's mix of feelings really well in this chapter. Even though you don't directly say what Petunia thinks in this line, it says a ton: "He was holding something, looking at it like he didn’t remember anything else. Baby." And then the subtleties about Lily's name sounding slippery in her mouth, and the her reaction when she holds her... And the final two lines! Ugh, it's all so good!

I love love love this.

On to chapter two!

Sam.



Author's Response:

<3



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