Hi, Chiara! I'm grossly late with this requested review, but alas, I'm finally here! I'm so sorry it's taken so long.
I think the manner in which Remus wrote to his parents was very appropriate for his character. Though he doesn't explicitly say it, he gives off the vibe that he feels like he's an inconvenience to everyone - Peter, his parents, etc. He wants to be himself and be honest about his feelings and fears, but that's outweighed by his desire to not be a burden on those he loves. There was something haunting and sorrowful about his words; I can't quite put my finger on what, exactly, but it's very well done.
Haha, I love Remus being confused about James and Sirius's genuine kindness. I suppose it makes sense for him, seeing as how previous experiences with peers have gone for him (not to mention that James and Sirius are rather intense), but there's just something comical about it. His reaction was priceless.
I love how, even at this stage, Peter's knee-jerk to everything is self-preservation. His concerns when learning about Remus's condition aren't necessarily without merit, but it's very telling that his first thought isn't "Omg poor Remus!" but rather "What should we do to make sure nothing goes sour?" And the fact that he doesn't thoroughly voice this is very interesting, too. It's just great insight into who he really is.
Hmm. Could the moment in the classroom have been what made Severus aware the Remus was different, propelling him to observe/research further? Obviously, the boys were cryptic and didn't give away what Remus was so upset about/what it was they didn't care about, but for all his faults, Severus is smart. He must have known that whatever this who le thing was a bout, it was a big deal; what else would have prompted the four of them, of all people, to have a group hug?
McGonagall's reaction to the rhyming rain was hysterical. Like, she obviously had to be all stern and whatnot, but something tells me she was impressed by their work. XD And the idea that she unknowingly named the Marauders was a nice touch.
Everything was just so perfectly in-character throughout this chapter. Lily jumping to a seemingly hurt friend's defense, the friends tracking down a long-lost chess set for Peter, Remus being all hesitant about the Animagus idea... there was just so many little things sprinkled throughout this that really grounded it.
Great work once again!
Hey, Reilly! <3
Sorry if I'm so late replying to this... well, I'm here now! ;)
I'm glad you "liked" Remus' letter to his parents! I guess he does feel like he's a burden on everyone, the poor child... :(
Sirius and James can be pretty intense, yeah... and Remus, based on previous experiences, would have a hard time trusting them... I guess he would be just surprised of people caring about him... I guess his reaction was kind of comical :P
That's Peter, I guess. He would first of all worry about his own safety and what's best for him... *shrugs*
I'm not sure if that episode was what made Severus suspicious... I bet he found it weird, though, so maybe? There was something big going on, for sure ;)
I've always thought that McGonagall would be secretly impressed by their antics a lot of the time... :P And I did love the idea of her being the one who gave them the name, even if it was involuntary. :P
I'm so glad you liked the chapter and all the details and that everyone felt in character! Thank you so much for the great review! <3
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This last chapter has so much going on!!!!!!
I don't know what's more heartbreaking: Peter taking Harry from Lily and James, Mary and Silvia mourning in the the public eye with those heinous reporters, the murder of Alice and Frank Longbottom, or Lily and James receiving the news that she's pregnant. My heart!
And... oh Remus... you have chosen the wrong person to love, my friend. Honestly! Peter had a hand in Dorcas's death, and I just... okay. And Sirius at the end, trying to get Remus out and about again... I had forgotten that Sirius doesn't end up in Azkaban in this AU. Still. I like how you have that scene with the ending scene a few years later, with Peter and Jimmy in the USA, and how Peter is thinking of Remus. I think those two scenes are excellent ones to lead into All the Trurth About Jimmy Portman.
I really like the actiony scene when Peter kidnaps Harry and then flies away with him. You portray Peter's helplessness and panic well, and that sense of urgency about taking Harry to save Lily and James... this does not excuse Peter, in my book, but you got the mood just right!
This chapter is such a brilliant way to set up for your first Jimmy novel. Before now, everything has been wonderfully canon. We get to see the Marauders grow up right before our very eyes, fight in a war, and then experience extreme heartbreak--but not the heartbreak that we're used to. SOme of your changes are subtle, and others are huge, and it's so much fun to figure out what's the same and what's different!
Overall, wonderful, wonderful story. I must say, reading this and then reading Jimmy 2, your writing has grown so much. It's always been good, but I am excited to see you continue to grow and see what you show us with your brilliant imagination of yours!
(here for RvG, team gold!)
Abby! Ah, I'm so thrilled to see you at the end of this! <3
Yeah, I know... I lot of heartbreaking stuff... I almost made myself cry when I wrote the Mary and Silvia's bit... :(
Poor Remus... yes, he would probably be better off if he just forgot Peter, but that's not how it works, right? And to be fair, he doesn't know about Peter's involvement in Dorcas' death... Glad you liked the closing scene with Peter and Jimmy in the USA, too
Ahahah! I wasn't expecting you to forgive Peter... :P Glad you liked the scene of the kidnapping, though, and that you felt I portrayed Peter's feelings well! <3
That's the whole premise of Jimmy, that Peter tried to "save the Potters" at the last moment. I wanted everything else to be as canon as possible, and I'm glad that worked out. Glad you enjoyed the journey and seeing the Marauders grow up. <3
Aww, thank you! I'm so glad you liked the story! And thank you for saying that my writing has grown... I'm trying to get better, so it's great to hear this! <3 I can't wait to share more Jimmy with you! <3
Love you! Thank you so much for the great review!
ALISTAIR YAXLEY IS THE WORST! UGH! Okay... not sure if he's worse than Peter, but, ugh, Chiara, how do you extract slivers of sympathy from me towards Peter? It's incredible how you do it!
Oh, hi. Here for our massive swap, and of course this story!
In case you didn't quite get it from my opening point in this review, Alistair Yaxley is one horrible guy. Torturing another human being like that? It's just... wow. And he seems to know how to get Peter to talk. Did they spend some time together growing up? Or is Alistair that calculated, that sadistic, so doing that to his cousin, of all people, is enjoyable? Because I think Alistair enjoys doing what he does to Peter, which... ugh. Chills.
And also, his homophobia... hajsdlfhlas kdfjhdslafhsdf fjasdhflkja!!!!! Chiara!!! The injustice is infuriating! [obviously this is yet another testatment to your fantastic writing.]
And then... what? Sirius basically accusing Remus of being the spy? I mean, they were kind of all thinking it during this time of the First War, but... NOOOO! They had such a beautiful friendship, and now this?!? Of course... Sirius has just lost Marlene. My rage towards Peter is now back in full swing! Killing people, tearing apart friendships! And i know the worst is yet to come!!!
"He was over her." What a brilliant opening line, especially for an intimate scene. But by the end of the scene, Remus is clearly not over Dorcas, so I absolutely love how you show switch from the wolf to the human. And if I weren't a fan of Dorcas before now, then her support and understanding in this scene (hot chocolate!!!) has clearly made me a fan.
BUT THEN WHAT IS THIS NEXT SCENE? No! I mean, I knew it was coming, and I really, really like how you included Peter in her death--he's been jealous of her this whole time, and now he's acting on it. You've casted Peter in such a unredeemable light. I am FURIOUS at him. Sure, he was being tortured and bullied to be on the Dark Lord's side, but... torturing others? Having an instrumental hand in their deaths? Which reminds me, during this scene, I was wondering about Peter's hand in Goblet of Fire and how you might play this one out when you get to year 4!
Oh Remus... poor Remus. Poor, BAD DECISION MAKING Remus! I just... ugh, Peter! He's so slimy here. He's had a hand in his best friend's lover's death and then hooks up with his best friend! It's so slimy and I'm also frustrated with Remus and then James and Sirius show up with their misplaced trust... and I think it's absolutely BRILLIANT that you have Peter say "Sacred Killer" at the end. I nearly screamed. I know that James and Lily don't die in this AU, but so many other people have due to Peter and GAH! Padfoot and Prongs, do not trust Peter!! And Peter, you know FULL WELL why they don't trust Remus... sure you don't trust Remus but you also know that their mistrust is misplaced and you are GOING ALONG WITH IT. Peter's actions are so frustrating and I don't think I've ever despised a Harry Potter character as much as right now.
AND THE FINAL SCENE!!!! MY DESPISE ONLY GROWS!!!!!! Needless to say, you were right how I would feel about this chapter and Peter Pettigrew. His traitorous ways make my blood boil!!
That all being said (and sometimes shouted) this has yet another great chapter. You have woven so many complex layers of multiple relationships into this piece. Wonderful work!
Abby!!! Hello, my love! Sorry if I'm so behind with my replies... well, I'm here now! <3
I might be partial but Alistair Yaxley is much worse than Peter? I mean, Peter is pretty bad at this stage, but Yaxley's gratuitous cruelness is just... urgh! And yes, he does enjoy hurting his cousin like that... I suppose there is at least a part of him who considers Peter a shame for the family? And yes, the homophomia, too, of course... :/
Everyone is just extremely tense at this point of the war... and we know from canon that Sirius believed Remus the spy (the reason Remus was never told about the switch in the first place...) There is a reason this chapter is titled "Traitors"... of course it primarily refers to Peter's betrayal, but also to all the other small betrayals and fractures among the whole group... obviously, it is ultimately Peter's fault if Sirius is mistrusting Remus and treating him that way... :(
Dorcas is wonderful! Her support of Remus is wonderful! I'm so glad you liked that scene between them! And I'm so sorry about what happens right after...
Peter gets to his lowest in this scene. And yes, his jealousy and desire for revenge are his major motives here, it's not just about surviving... he is pretty unredeemable at this point. (I have ideas for GoF... but it will take quite a bit for me to get there... you'll find out when the time comes, I suppose...)
Poor Remus is just so hurt and confused at the moment... and I know you hate Peter (and I can't blame you) but he sort of is too and... none of them was particularly proper or sensitive there, but I'm not sure I can really blame them... but yes, the way Peter went along with James and Sirius' mistrust is pretty awful! Okay, but... I do find the way you shout at him pretty amusing? :P Sorry, that's the evil writer in me, I guess... :P
Thank you so much for this wonderful review! You are the best! <3
Hi, Chiara! I'm here with your requested review!
I think you jump between perspectives very effectively in this chapter. Sometimes, such a style can be jarring, but I feel like you change perspectives at logical moments so it doesn't seem like it's changing simply for the sake of changing, you know? I like that we get to be in both Remus and Peter's heads. Despite both being Gryffindors, they're two different people with obviously very different life experiences. So, to see these first couple months of First Year through these two lenses is fascinating.
I like how you're showing how, even this early, Peter is struggling to understand who he is and where he belongs. When he meets his cousin, he has that knee-jerk reaction that he doesn't like this individual. So, obviously, Peter is good at heart... but, alas, there's that lingering desire to "be somebody." Even at such a young age, you show him yearning to be recognized and admired, which is likely a big reason why he becomes who he is later on (at least in canon). His desperation for Remus's attention and acceptance is both endearing and heartbreaking. He is, after all, just a kid, and all he wants is a place in this brand new word.
Remus's continued hesitance to share his secret is handled really well. Considering what happened in the last chapter with those other kids he told, it makes sense that he's keeping his lips sealed about the whole thing. Hogwarts is, after all, a clean slate for him, so it's logical for him to be cautious, even with an old friend like Peter. But, as you mentioned in this chapter, Peter is a very observant individual; it's only a matter of time before he figures it out.
I really like that Remus and Peter don't instantly become friends with James and Sirius. Their personalities don't gel quite yet, and I feel like them becoming friends right away would have felt a bit too contrived. It appears that their inevitable friendship will happen a bit more organically, not to mention as a result of Peter plucking up the courage to reach out to them. It's more realistic, I think; judging by what we've seen of James and Sirius thus far, they don't seem like they'd go out of their way to forge friendships with Remus and Peter.
Great job, yet again!
Hi, Reilly! Thank you so much for the lovely review!
I tend to do a lot of perspective jumping, I'm afraid... I'm glad it seemed to work for you here, though. I'm so glad you enjoyed seeing things from both Remus and Peter's perspectives and found them fascinating. :)
I've always thought that Peter wasn't bad since the very beginning, and I've always thought that his yearning for being recognized and admired (or maybe even just for feeling like he belongs) is one of his biggest drivers in most of his life choices (including the Death Eater part, unfortunately). Happy you found his way of seeing Remus endearing, if a bit sad. <3
I can't blame Remus for wanting to keep the secret, especially after all his previous experiences. I am a bit sad for Peter, though. But yes, the secret won't remain so for long. Peter is bound to notice that something is not quite right, after all... he is pretty observant...
That's another headcanon that I always had, that Remus and Peter wouldn't immediately get friendly with James and Sirius. On the contrary, I've always imagined Remus being wary of them at first, since he's such a quiet person and they are so exhuberant. And no, I wouldn't have imagined James and Sirius going out of their way to befriend the other two, either.
Thank you so much again!
Chiara! Here for the story and the swap.
Oh my goodness!!! It's quite ambitious to fit so much of the First War into one chapter, but somehow you have manageed it! (Not that I am surprised!) There are so many emotions running through the course of this narrative, and they flow from one to the next. I'm not even going to say from one scene to the next because so many emotions happen within each scene and they're so layered.
I do want to point out that I like how you included the picture of the Order and the fluff of that moment because... there isn't much fluff in this chapter (not that I have any right to complain, but again, this shows how well you've captured the First War).
But I want to shift my focus on Peter. You write his downfall SO WELL. I call this chapter his downfall because he goes from somewhat enthusiastic Order member to petrified fighter to angry former lover to glum exboyfriend to jealous rat. You make him into such a complex character, driven to give him some sort of redemption (which he has yet to gain from me, but that's for your 6 remaining Jimmy fics, lol... or however many you decide to write). But by the end of the chapter it totally makes sense why he would be vulnerable to Voldemort. Well done.
Also, Dorcas is a ray of sunshine in Remus's life. Noooo, I know what's going to happen to her and I'm so sad! And Remus's mission with the werewolves... I love how you include this in the story, and how you set it up that people would be suspicious of him because he's doing this mission (which they don't know about and their ingrained prejudices leak to the surface). The War isn't looking very good, Chiara, and I know that things aren't about to get better...
Despite that, I am looking forward to finishing this fic! Though I will be a little sad because it's so good, but I know that there will be plenty more things to read! :D
Abby! Hello, my love! <3
I'm so glad you felt I managed to fit the First War into this chapter well, it was a difficult chapter to build. I'm also glad that all the emotions came through well. Yes, there are a lot of emotions here, but given the times I think that's normal...
Glad you liked the detail of the picture, too! And the bit of fluff with the announcement of the pregnancies. Yes, there isn't much fluff here at all, but again, that's how the times are...
This chapter is definitely his downfall. Although his true downfall will happen in the next one. But yes, I understand perfectly what you mean and Peter is in such a dark place at the moment. I'm not sure if I will ever fully redeem him, actually... he will always be his selfish, vindictive, cowardly self, I'm afraid... :/
Dorcas is wonderful and Remus needs her so much in his life. I'm so sorry for what's going to happen to her (I apologize in advance, it won't be pretty...) And yes, Remus' mission is only distancing him from everyone else and making his friends suspicious of him, which won't lead to anything good either... :(
I can't wait to hear your thoughts about the rest! (I'll try to snatch a slot in your review thread, if I manage... or I'll swap with you once chapter 30 of APNFFH will finally be up... (you should really hurry up, btw... :P)
Love you so much!
Hi there! I'm (finally) here with your requested review!
I think you've set up a very interesting premise here. Though there are tons of Marauders stories around, it's hard to find one that begins before their shenanigans at Hogwarts, and much less one that doesn't feature James and Sirius front-and-center. Obviously, those two will likely come in later, but so far, it seems like Remus and Peter will be the focus in this and they won't necessarily be playing second-fiddle to James and Sirius, and I really like that. I don't think they (especially Peter) get their own stories often enough where their arcs aren't overly reliant on one of the "leaders," so to speak. Hopefully that makes sense haha. Basically, what I'm saying is this looks like it'll be a really unique take on these two characters.
Oooh, Peter's mum was a Yaxley?! That's interesting. Does she have dark tendancies that she may have instilled in her son, or does he turn dark later of his own accord? I mean, she seems kind enough in this and seems genuinely concerned when Remus is "sick" (and it seemed like she knew the real reason why, leading me to believe she's a tolerant woman) but I do wonder if those family ties factor at all into who Peter inevitably becomes. Although, maybe Peter won't turn dark at all; you did say in your notes this will end in AU. Guess I'll just have to wait and see haha. Regardless, it seems like Peter grew up in a loving home, which is wonderful to see.
I think you described Remus's early struggles with his lycanthropy perfectly. I thought it was interesting how he had a tendancy to confide in his friends about his condition (but, interestingly, not Peter. Hmm.). And obviously after losing all of those friends... well, it definitely makes sense that he became the "quiet" one of the bunch in his later years. This was a really nice touch that hinted at why Remus became a bit more introverted later on.
I love the idea of Remus and Peter knowing one another before Hogwarts, too, and well before they become friends with James and Sirius. I feel like because we see the books from Harry's perspective, I don't tend to think of Hogwarts kids knowing one another before Hogwarts. Like, some of them had to, you know? Lol, I know this is weird and I'm probably the only one. But I guess what I'm saying is this seemed like a realistic depiction of children who grew up in wizarding households, and I really liked that.
Also - and this is another minor thing - I like that one of the kids who picked on Remus was a Prewett. (And I don't mean I'm happy he was bullied lol.) Because the Prewetts are so closely tied to the Weasleys through Molly, and because we know Fabian and Gideon died in the first war, I think the Prewetts are seen as a purely "good" family. And they probably were. But, everyone - light side or dark - has the potential to be mean, and I liked that you used someone with a "good" name to depict this. It was yet another realistic layer to your piece.
This was very well done! Thanks for stopping by my request thread!
Hi, Reilly, dear! Finally here to reply to your lovely review! Sorry it took me so long...
I'm glad you liked the premise here! Yes, it's not usual to find a Marauder story the focuses mostly on Remus and Peter, much less to have them being friends before Hogwarts, and I'm glad you like it. :) And yes, it makes sense what you are saying! ;)
Peter's mum is a Yaxley, yes, but she's a bit like the Andromeda of her family, if you know what I mean... the family ties will influence some of Peter's future choices... which aren't exactly the same as canon, but not so far either... but I can't spoiler too much, can I? Anyway, yes, Peter did grow up loved. ;)
Poor Remus... :( It's a lot to deal with for a child... and yes, losing all those friends definitely made him wary and more introverted later on...
I'm sure there were wizard children who knew each other before Hogwarts. Maybe not Muggleborns, but if the wizarding community tend to stick together in certain villages, like Godric's Hollow for instance, than it would make sense? But yes, I don't normally think about it much either...
I also think some prejudices were well ingrained even in the "good" families. We see that a little in Ron, too. And the prejudice against werewolves would definitely be one that would exist even out of the Pureblood supremacists. I really wanted for Duncan a surname that wasn't recognizable, but that didn't immediately identify him as one of the "bad ones". I'm glad you liked that detail!
Thank you so much for the brilliant review! <3
Chiara! Here for our swap!
AHHHHH! I love Dorcas so much!!!!!!!! She's such an incredible human being, and I love her, and she's so spunky, and I love her, and she's willing to stand up for what is right, and, I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I love her. ;)
This chapter... they're all grown up! Can we go back to when they were all first years?? Lol. You have shown how much they've grown wihtin this chapter, especially James. I can totally see why Lily has fallen for him (and yet you also manage to keep his boyish, mischievous charm, too). Sirius is as hysterical as always, but he thinks things through a little more. Remus... letting himself be with Dorcas, I love it! And Peter... that hesitation about the Order. Oh Peter, I know that you have good intentions now, but... what's to come... just stay out of it!
The werewolf band infuriated me. It's interesting to think of Voldemort's platform being to "weed out" Muggleborns and uphold "blood purity." But then the current Ministry is registering werewolves and having them wear identifying bands?! (Uh, WWII, need I say more?) Both systems are horrible. And I think that's why the Order is so alluring to our favorite Gryffindors here.
Well... it's only going to get darker from here. But you have established so many deep running friendships, that, even though I know what's coming, I have some hope that there will be moments where they can be confident in all of this being worth it.
I love you! Did I mention that I love you? Maybe, a couple of times... :P
Dorcas is awesome, I agree! ;) And yes, they are all grown up now... James has definitely matured a lot, and of course Lily was bound to notice. ;)
Peter... yes, he should've stayed out of it... but we all know how things are supposed to go... and he cares too much about his friends' opinion of him... it's sad, I know... :(
The Ministry has a lot of flaws... and yes, the werewolf regulation is awful (and definitely reminiscing of WWII, I did have that in mind...)
This is going to get much darker from now on. But yes, at least they can sustain each other... until it lasts... :/
Thank you so much for another awesome review! <3 <3 <3
Chiara! Here for your requested review (and honestly, the story, too).
This... all of this... yes, this chapter is entitled "Rebels." And you show the vast complexities of what being a rebel is.
Before I delve into that, though, I want to mention the first couple scenes. First, I'm glad that Peter and Remus do not get back together. That relationship is so toxic, in my opnion. I know that I'm biased but... no. And poor Remus and his self esteem. Peter, on the other hand, I'm quite surprised by. Sure, he has lingering resentment over Remus and everything... but the way he and Leander went about their intimacy was... maturely handled by both boys.
Okay, the rebels.
Sirius: what to break my heart, Chiara! This is a very canon event, but the pain Sirius is feeling, and the fear... I am so proud of him from walking away from that abuse and toxicity. It's not easy, and he's going to have troubles down the road, but this was the healthiest thing for him. I wish Regulus would have come with him. That is when my heart broke. Because we know that Regulus doesn't go back, and when he tries to make Voldemort mortal once more, we know what happens...
Remus's birthday... that letter from his dad is beautifully written. I think that's the most beautiful part of the whole story. I can feel the love, the humor, the frustration, the concern gushing from John's words... and we both know how special written messages are from parents.
But that werewolf check in. THAT IS SO WRONG IN SO MANY WAYS. Chiara, this whole chapter was a specturm of emotions, oh my goodness. I am so thrilled that the other Gryffindors were there--and Dorcas organized it all! I really like her! Ahhh, this is what the empowering part of being a rebel shines most. When you're with other people, taking a stand.
And that ending. Peter, wow. That was so brave of him standing up to the Yaxleys like that. But also dangerous. I wonder how he changes over the war, how they eat away at his confidence and manipulate him... but for now, he IS a rebel.
Fantastic chapter, Chiara. It was a rollercoaster! I'll be back again soon.
Hi again, Abby, my love! :D
Sorry... I know there is quite a lot to take in here...
Remus and Peter... yes, you are right... their relationship is not exactly healthy... although they do love each other a lot... I'm not surprised you are glad that they didn't get back together :P
It's funny because I've heard very contrasting opinions regarding Peter and Leander... :P I'm not quite sure what I think of them but, yes, I suppose they did deal with things in a mature way... mostly...
Sirius... yes, he did need to ge away from that abuse and toxicity. It's terrible that it came down to that, and it's terrible that Regulus chose to stay behind. And it's terrible knowing what Regulus' fate will be... I am sorry... :(
I did love writing John's letter. I love John, dot. And yes, written messages from parents are precious... *hugs*
The whole werewolf legislation bit... yes, it's awful and so, so wrong! I had a feeling you would enjoy the kids' protest! :D
Poor Peter... that was a scary moment for him, but yes, he's found the strength to rebel... for now...
Thank you so much for another awesome review!!! <3 <3 <3
Chiara! Here for our swap! Sorry, things got busy when I got home from work, so I won't have time for your requested review, but thank goodness the weekend is around the coerner!
Anyway, what a fantastic chapter!
The opening two scenes were so complex. I love them! It was brilliant to see the Gryffindor girls interact with each other. The War is trickling into everyday conversation, the world seems inept at handling it (as it usually the case, I'm afraid), Mary's attack, it's all so much. It's nice that they get to play in the water, finding comfort in each other and being able to forget their troubles for a moment. And then we zoom into the boys... and immediately that sweet moment between friends turns sour with Peter's jealousy. It last only a moment, but Remus does silence him with a kiss, so that's not really addressing the bigger issue here (Remus and Peter, your future doesn't look to good right now). And then you immediately draw the reader's attention away from this aspect of their relationship to James's pining for Lily and Sirius's disgust at them all for being in love. You capture the melodrama of teenage boys so well, lololol. I was laughing at James and Sirius. But don't think that doesn't mean I've forgotten about Remus and Peter!!!
And then the second half of that chapter happens... oh my goodness. Like... what?! Okay. The Marauders have lots of tension between them. Great job layering that in, by the way. Sirius is a prat. James is an idiot. Remus is so indecisive. And Peter... oh there's so much there. Of COURSE he holds onto "ass licking loser" because of all his insecurities: not being as talented as the rest of the boys, him calling Remus "monster" because deep down, that's what he kind of thinks of Remus and then having that SAME insecurity when James calls him that, and then Peter's glee in the fight--and his jealousy to boot. ALso... LEANDER JONES?! AHA! I know who you are now! ahaha.
That is such a rambling paragraph. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this chapter is wonderful. You capture so many canon moments, and you make the characters so human. I have a feeling things are going to get grimmer from here... because the War is about to intensify...and a betrayal is going to happen. I cannot wait for the next chapter. I'll read it soon! <3
Abby! Ah, I always love your reviews so much, dear! Thank you for swapping, and sorry for the late reply...
I'm glad you liked the scene with the girls! I wanted to give them some space, since I hadn't really given them any till now and they deserved it! :) Yes, the world is getting dark and it shows... glad you liked seeing them being able to have a moment of fun and respite. :)
The boys are a mess... and yes, there is some unsolved tension between Peter and Remus... their relationship is powerful, but it's never been the healtiest, I'm afraid... James and Sirius are just ridiculous, but that's the way I love them! :P I'm glad you found them amusing! :D
My poor children... yes, there is a lot of tension among them at the moment... and yes, Peter... I've always thought that a big part of his betrayal was due to his envy and insecurity and the feeling of the other Marauders not taking him as seriously as them should have... yes, he would hold onto that, and yes, he's so driven by his jealousy at the moment... Ahahah! Yes, here's Leander Jones for you! :P
I'm so glad you like the chapter and all the characters in this! And yes, things will definitely start to fall down very soon (they kind of already are...) Thank you so much again for another brilliant review, I always love them! <3
I’m back with a final review for the February swap :)
I really liked the glimpse of John we get here! Obviously, Remus and his dad are very close if his first instinct is to go to him for relationship advice. Good on John, too, to accept his son no matter what; we all know Remus needs all the encouragement and positive reinforcement he can get. It’s so sad he thinks he’s not deserving of love because of his condition, but at least his parents are supportive. Greyback acting up and new ministry regulations coming in? Poor Remus, that’s probably going to make his life a lot harder…
I also enjoyed the scene of all the Gryffindors on the Hogwarts express, you’ve managed to include a lot of background info on the characters, like the problems Sirius and Lily have with their siblings, but you’ve done so in a way that flows really well with the dialogue and storytelling, it never feels like it’s too much, or overbearing or anything. Personally, I always find it difficult to find the right balance between show and tell, but you did so fantastically well! The interaction between Sirius and Regulus is also excellent, I feel like it doesn’t only show how their relationship changed over the years, but how much more serious the situation in the entire wizarding world is becoming, with Voldemort on the rise and increasing death eater activity. It looks like everyone will soon need to make a choice what side they’re on, but both Black brothers have already made their decision.
The confusion Remus feels about Peter and Dorcas is very palpable as well. “She was like air, refreshing and healthy. He was like fire, burning and consuming. Remus craved them both with equal strength and he couldn't make sense of it” - I absolutely love this line, it’s so powerful! I’m sure Dorcas is a lovely girl, but at this point, I’m very much rooting for Peter, I hope the boys will get their act together soon!
-Thank God they did! That also was a very sweet interaction; the hurt Peter feels after apparently having been rejected comes through very strongly, but he’s still so quick to defend Remus against his own accusations. It’s very clear he cares about Remus, and that they have a special bond. But peeking ahead at the coming chapter titles I’m assuming their happiness together won’t last very long :(
Julia!!! You've spoiled for the February Hufflepuff swap!!! Thank you so, so much for all your lovely reviews!!! (And I'm finally caught up with my replies!!! Sorry it took me so long...)
I love John Lupin! A lot! And yes, he and Remus are very close! :) I do believe that John was a very accepting person. After all, when your son is a werewolf, you kind of have to? And yes, Remus needs people to remind him that he is worthy and deserving of love, the poor guy... :( And yes, all the Greyback and Ministry thing aren't going to make Remus' life any easier... :(
I'm glad you liked the train scene, and learning a bit more about the other characters. I'm also so glad that you felt I had a good balance between showing and telling, since it's something I feel I struggle a lot with (and btw, I think you are very good at it yourself...)
Ah, Sirius and Regulus... yes, the situation is getting more and more serious (no pun intended) and right now they seem to be on opposing sides... but they still care a lot for each other... I only wish they would listen to each other more... :(
I'm so glad you liked the way I wrote Remus' confusion about Peter and Dorcas as well... I do love that line a lot, too... Remus has very strong feelings for Peter, but Dorcas is actually a better match for him... but no spoilers... sorry, I'll shut up now... *hides*
But yes, Peter and Remus are together now! :) And they do care a lot for each other and have a very strong bond! :) How's it going to develop from there? Guess you'll need to read on and find out... (although, yeah, it probably won't be pretty...)
Thank you so much for your wonderful review!!! <3 <3 <3
Here I am for our swap!
And I must say that you really broke my heart. It truly broke me to see Peter standing up for his friend, not quite knowing what’s going on, and then having Remus leave, even if it was for his own protection. Remus pushing him away, no doubt in an effort to protect him, but all the while saying how unfair it is, makes me really sad. Because he is right - it is truly unfair that he has to suffer this all, can’t find the affection he craves and then have people breaking promises all around him - something that must be quite something for him to wrap his head around, especially when it comes to stuff like first transformations and needing all the support he could possibly get.
Even still, the need to protect himself when he gets to go to Hogwarts, the overwhelmingness of it all, and still just hoping everything will go alright and the worry about people finding out just screams Remus to me. It’s really good how well you got him, even so young and in that chapter, his entire character just shining through and seemingly bursting from the page. It’s truly a testament to the fact that you’re one brilliant writer.
Having only read parts of Jimmy Portman myself (most likely rectifying this soon), I am really curious as to see how this will all go on, especially as it’s something from within the verse but can be read as a standalone too. This is definitely a story I need to come back to!
Really great job!
Ineke! :) Thank you so much for swapping and for stopping by here, and sorry it took me so long to reply...
Sorry for breaking your heart... my poor children... it is so hard for them both... Remus, having to deal with lycanthropy, scared of hurting the people he loves and scared of being abandoned by them... and Peter not quite knowing what is wrong with his friend and wanting to be there for them but being pushed away instead... :( It is so very unfair... and Remus' dad not being around for his first transformation... :(
I'm glad you felt I captured Remus well, though. Yes, it must be pretty overwhelming for him, the prospect of Hogwarts and worrying about all the things that could possibly go wrong... aww, you flatter me, thank you so much! <3
This is sort of a prequel for Jimmy Portman, but the two stories can be definitely read independently one from the other. I would love to see you back, either here or there! <3 <3 <3
Thank you so much for the lovely review!
I’m back with another review for the February swap :)
This chapter is really interesting! I like how Remus is initially a bit sceptical of James and Sirius, it’s different from any other marauders fics I’ve read – usually, they’re all fast friends – but it fits so well with how you’ve characterised him and his previous trauma of being abandoned by friends. And the way you link Remus’ subconscious doubts about them with the wolf is excellent, and how he begins to change his attitude once he realises the reason for disliking them!
Peter’s reaction to finding out about Remus’ lycanthropy is also very indicative of his character: Of course, he is loyal to his friends, and he does start to doubt what he’s been told about werewolves, but his first, immediate instinct is self-preservation, whether that means distancing himself from Remus or going along with James and Sirius.
I also like how you’ve illustrated the passage of time here; this chapter covers quite a long time, but you’ve picked some essential scenes to show how they’ve grown as friends, how they’ve learnt to predict each other’s reactions, and how the dynamics between them have evolved. His friends getting that sentimental gift for Peter’s birthday is a really good way of showing how they care about him, and the lengths they are willing to go for each other. I also really enjoyed the poetry draught prank!
The last scene is fantastic, too! Of course, Remus is close to panicking from worry, but Peter manages to calm him down even then. That little exchange is a great way of showing that their dynamic is about to change. The pronoun change from he to it after the transformation is really clever as well, it illustrates how there’s a discrepancy between Remus and the wolf, and – or that’s how I read it, anyway – that Remus hasn’t truly accepted the wolf as part of himself, but views it as something foreign, even if he was excited about the full moon for the first time before!
Thank you so much for coming back again!!!
I've always had the headcanon that Remus would be wary of James and Sirius at first, because they would enjoy pranking people and sometimes would cross the line a bit, and Remus would have had some experience with bullies... but he would warm to them once he realized they didn't really mean any harm. I've also always had the headcanon of Remus' subconscious been linked to the wolf... I'm glad you like my intrerpretation of it. :)
Peter has a strong sense of self-preservation. I did want to show it when his first thought was to abandon Remus, even if he immediately dismissed it.
Dealing with the time jumps and choosing what to show and what to skip has been one of the biggest struggles with this story, and I haven't always managed it perfectly, but I'm glad you felt it worked here. I'm glad you could get a sense of how their friendship developed through the years and how close they've got. I'm also glad you liked the chessboard bit and the rhyming prank! :D
Poor Remus, he's so terrified that something might go wrong... but yes, Peter manages to calm him down... although there's something else going on there... :P
I don't think Remus will ever fully accept the wolf as part of himself, it will always be something to fight against, something that takes away his humanity, I suppose...
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! <3
Chiara! Here for our swap!!
That first section, ahhhh, oh my goodness. That was so, so well written. From Remus's confusion to coming out to his dad to his dad's reaction... Chiara, I'm all choked up! I know it is such a beautiful moment, but the reader in me, who knows what's going to happen in the future, is yelling NOOOO! Not Peter!! (But still, incredible job at this, Chiara!)
And then you make matters even more complicated on the train back to Hogwarts! I immediately caught on to Remus sitting between Peter and Dorcas... and it was so interesting to see how torn he is over them both.
Sirius: you write him so well! His annoyance at Remus and Lily becoming prefects. His teasing of James liking Lily. His fury at Regulus. His determination to renounce his family's ways. I know that this chapter is meant to start Remus and Peter, but your Sirius is STUNNING. I love how true to himself he is throughout the chapter. And he handles Remus's coming out quite well, too.
Ahhh, I know I've already told you that you write children really well... but you also write teenagers so well! Everyone has crushes on everyone else... and they agonize and ignore and complain and argue... those hormones are quite troublesome, but you also make it so plain that they all care for each other immensely, and their friendship really shines through. Oh Chiara!!! This is just soooooo good!
And the ending: the big moment. They're together now! I know what happens to them in the future, but for right now, they can be a blissful teenage couple.
Well done, Chiara!!!
Abby!!! <3 <3 <3
I'm so glad you thought the first section was well written. I was very nervous when I first wrote/posted it, because I had never really wrote LGBT characters before... anyway, I'm so glad you liked Remus coming out to his dad and John's reaction... John is the best, btw. And yes, I know you don't approve of Remus' crush on Peter... I'm sorry... (or maybe I'm not)
Poor Remus, so torn between the two of them... it's all so confusing for him, my poor child... :/
I love Sirius! I mean, he has his flaws, but he's also such a loyal friend and so true to his values! I'm glad you thought I portayed him well, too! :)
Aww... you flatter me... *blushes* I'm so glad you think I can write teenagers well! <3
They are together now! And they are going to be happy, at least for a little while! <3
Thank you so much for your wonderful review! You are the best! <3 <3 <3
I’m back for Chapter Two!
I really like how we get to know everyone better, especially how we get more insight into Peter’s character. Clearly, he’s not quite sure who he really is by himself yet – but after all, he is only eleven – and seems he bases much of his identity on other people, how he perceives them, and how he is perceived by them. You make it very clear that he’s still hurt by Remus’ leaving, but he’s willing to forget about that because their friendship is that important to him. I also noticed that although he doesn’t believe Remus’ excuses about his Mum, he doesn’t push him on it. I think he wants to find out by himself, and with Peter as observant as you show him to be, that’s only a matter of time. Giving us a glimpse into everybody else’s characters and their dynamics through Peter’s eyes is also a brilliant way to establish him as a clever, sharp-eyed boy. The little details in particular, like how the girls take their tea, or his teachers’ habits are great here! I also like the little glance we get of James and Sirius; with Remus gone a couple of days a month, he’s bound to feel lonely, so it’s only natural he should seek their friendship.
I’m repeating myself, but the characterisation in this chapter really is excellent!
Welcome back again! :D
I think that's Peter's main problem, actually. He bases his identity too much on other people... his main driving forces are either vengeance ot the need to please the people around him, which will be the cause of his downfall in the long run (or at least, that's my way of seeing it... also, hope this isn't too spoilery...)
Yes, Peter is still hurt by Remus' leaving... but he does forgive him (well, sort of) because he doesn't want to renounce their friendship. And yes, he doesn't believe Remus' excuses but he's not pushing him too much right now (when and how he'll find out the truth, you will see in the next chapter... actually, you have already... :P)
I'm glad you liked Peter's observations about everyone else, too. I'm glad you liked the small details, and also Peter's observant nature. And yes, he would seek James and Sirius' friendship, with Remus disappearing so often. I guess it would get lonely with only Remus as a friend...
Thank you for another awesome review! <3
I’m here for the February Review Swap! I actually meant to read this (and leave a few reviews) ages ago, but I never got around to it, so I’m glad I had that extra push now, because this story is absolutely fascinating! Peter isn’t usually a character that is explored much, so to have a story following him as he grows up is really intriguing!
I really like the foreshadowing opening line, it throws up so many questions and is a great way to get your reader hooked. I certainly worked for me!
I also love the dynamic between Remus and Peter, it’s clear that they fall in very easily with each other while their Mums are reuniting, and that easy, natural understanding comes through beautifully even in the brief snapshots you’ve shown. The way they’re both affected by Remus’ lycanthropy is heart-breaking. It’s so sweet how Peter tries to stand up for his friend, even if he isn’t the bravest by nature, but of course Remus pushes him away because he’s been taught that nobody can find out. The sense of betrayal and confusion Peter feels shine through really well.
Your portrayal of Remus is also excellent, I especially liked that last paragraph: You can see that he was really excited about going to Hogwarts, learning new things, and having new experiences, but yet again, he’s held back by his condition, scared that someone will find out, and that they will hate him for it - He remembered too well what had happened with Duncan... And then with Oliver. And with Patrick. And with Charles. And with Harriet... – that passage in particular brings home how Remus has been disappointed and betrayed so often over the years that he’s now too scared to trust anyone, the poor dear…
This really was such a great first chapter and I’m looking forward to reading the rest of it!
Thank you so, so much for all these lovely reviews for the Hufflepuff February Swap! You are the best! <3
I'm so glad you decided to check out this story! Yes, Peter is a bit forgotten in fanfic, but I think he's a fascinating character and he deserves to have his story narrated. I'm glad you are intrigued! :)
I'm very proud of that opening line, actually, so I'm glad you liked it, too! :)
I'm glad you liked their early friendship and how easily they bonded! And yes, poor Peter... it's so hard for him to be suddenly pushed away without even understanding the reason... And poor Remus, too, having to deal with lycanthropy and losing so many friends because of it... Starting Hogwarts is so bittersweet and scary for him, poor child... :(
I'm so glad you liked this opening chapter! I will be back to reply to your other reviews soon-ish!
Lots of love,
Hi lovely! Here for our swap. :) I’ve heard so much about the Jimmy Portman universe and I’m ashamed to say I still have to catch up on it, so I thought I'd start with Liar.
The premise here is so interesting and unique. I’ve never read anything that focuses on Remus and Peter, and the whole thing about them being childhood buddies is brand new to me as well. It’s always James and Sirius who are seen in this kind of role so I’m absolutely hooked onto this because of how creative and unique it is.
I love how you’ve built up their first encounter through their mothers being old friends. What a wonderful bit of detail! We don’t know much about their parents, except for Remus’ father offending Greyback, so this is a great base you’ve set for their friendship, I love it.
The children are so cute and their friendship is so lovely to read. It’s so beautiful and sad to see their innocent playfulness here – it makes Peter’s betrayal all the more hard-hitting. I’m SO curious to see how all that will play out. There’s the promise of so much angst and feels, and I’m really captivated by your writing.
I love how you’ve brought in Remus feeling sick and Peter just wanting to spend more time with his friend. It’s one thing to see Remus dealing with being a werewolf as an adult, and a whole other thing reading him as a child. The amount of pain and trauma he has to endure, and all alone, is just unbelievable and my heart goes out to him. The scene around his first transformation is short but so, so powerful. You’ve written his need for comfort and his feeling of betrayal at his father’s absence really well and it’s heartbreaking that his dad can’t be there with him.
“She sat down on the ground, right in front of the garage's door and spent the night there, awake, her eyes fixed on the perfect circle of the bright, full moon.” This sentence is packed with emotion omg. It’s chilling and I have goosebumps at the end of this section. I am in awe at the way you’ve conveyed the depth of pain his mother is feeling with just this one line. Wow.
Ugh those bullies were awful. Remus just can’t get a break. :( It was so brave of Peter to stand up for his friend. His characterisation is so wonderful here and it’s such a powerful way of showing us why he was sorted into Gryffindor as well. I absolutely love your writing, Chiara, and I can’t believe I hadn’t read this before, it’s so good.
I understand why Remus’ family decided to move away and get a fresh start – Remus definitely didn’t deserve to go through even more problems on top of the ones he was already dealing with – but it’s so sad that he had to give up his one friendship. That both the boys had to lose that.
Peter just wants to see his best friend for his birthday. :( You’re giving me all the feels in this chapter, gosh. This section seems to bring out a more Slytherin side to Peter, with the dark tone in his voice and how he hates people who hurt the ones he cares about. Everything seems to have affected him so deeply and it just goes to show how much the events in his life will go on to shape the kind of person he’d become. I love the various dimensions to his personality you’ve brought out I this chapter, from his bravery, to his fierce friendship, to his darker possibly-vengeance-seeking side, and also just the innocent, upset child that he is. I’m so excited to see how his character grows in the coming chapters!
The scene between Remus’ parents has so many layers of emotions packed into it. There’s the fear that every child feels when they’re leaving their parents behind, but Remus has much deeper fears here and his self-loathing is already apparent, at such a young age. The bit where he thinks about his past friends was so powerful with the unstated meaning behind it. At the very least, he hurt them in some way, and at the most, he bit them, neither of those situations something that a child should go through.
I love this chapter so much. You’ve done such an amazing job of writing the voice of children, and the scenes are all packed with layers and layers of detail that build an incredibly powerful backstory. Honestly, I’m a wolfstar shipper through and through but your writing definitely lets me see how these two could come to be and I’m really excited to read more.
Great job with this and thank you for swapping! <3
Nim! Hello, dear! Thank you so much for swapping and for stopping by here with this wonderful review, and sorry if I'm so late with my reply... <3
I have a big love for Remus and I have developed a big interest in Peter, as well. I always thought that since James and Sirius were so close, it would make sense for Remus and Peter to get closer, too. I never really thought about them meeting before Hogwarts, either, but I do love the idea now and I'm glad you found it interesting, too! :)
Glad you loved their first encounter, and the friendship between Mary and Silvia. :) Glad you are enjoying the two children getting closer, too... yes, there will be a lot of heartbreak down the road, with the war and its consequences... but for now they are just innocent little boys... I'm so glad you are captivated by my writing, btw. You flatter me. <3
Poor Remus... it's heartbreaking to think about all the pain and trauma he had to go through at such a young age... :( I'm glad you could feel for him, even if it was sad... :(
And poor Silvia, too. I can't imagine what it would be like for a mother to have to stand aside and leave her child to deal with that alone... I'm glad you liked that sentence.
Those bullies were truly awful, poor Remus... :( and yay for Peter for showing some Gryffindor bravery! So glad you like my characterization of him!
It is very sad that Remus had to move away and separate from Peter... :( But also kind of inevitable, since Remus wasn't safe anymore there...
I wanted to show a darker side to Peter there. He's vendictive and he can hold grudges and he can hate the people who hurt him or those he cares about... He's an extremely complex character and I'm glad it started to show a little in this first chapter, even if he's only a little, innocent child at the moment.
Poor Remus is so scared of going off on his own, with all the risks that his lycanthropy brings along... :( My idea was actually a bit less tragic, I just thought that, pretty much like it happened with Duncan, Remus let slip with the kids he befriended about his condition and lost a lot of friends along the way. And now he's just scared of getting hurt again...
I'm so glad you liked this first chapter and the beginning of my boys' backstory. And I'm so glad you are excited to read more! <3
Thank you so much, this review was just wonderful!
Chiara! Here for our lovely review swap (and the story of course!)
Remus's letter to his parents... you capture his character SO well. Of course he wouldn't want to tell him how terrible is transformation is... and I LOVE the nod you give Madam Pomfrey, teaching Remus the magical ways of chocolate at such a young and crucial age. The details you scatter in your writing is absolutely amazing! His inner wolf is so interesting, especially with deeming Sirius and James the dangerous ones... uh, attention Remus's inner wolf: WATCH OUT FOR PETER, Don't you know what he's capable of? Ahhhhhh!
Also, I like the tension you create between Remus and James. That is INCREDIBLE foreshadowing...
And I love how you wrote the Marauders finding out about Remus. Their reactions fit their characters well. What year are they? Are they in first year still? But I like the debate and the interaction and how all three of them dismiss the idea of severing ties with Remus. You really show their qualities well in this scene! And that "I'm not sirius" joke, bahaha. I appreciate how Peter doesn't quite get it!
And it's interesting that you have Lily and Snape there for the moment that the boys declare that they don't care about Remus being a werewolf. Of course, they're cryptic, so Lily and Snape don't understand what in the world you're talking about. And that group hug at the end of that scene is PERFECT. My heart melted, Chiara. It melted!
That scene with the rhyming rain is absolutely brilliant! How in the world did you come up with that? I love it so much! :D And the first transformation... this chapter is awesome. I did catch that little hint of crush between Remus and Peter, but... NO! Remus! Stay away! Sigh... I suppose it's going to happen (I think that's the next chapter, anyway). But the transformation part is so well done. I'm glad that Remus's wolf finally has some company!
Well done, Chiara! I can't wait for the next chapter! :)
I'm glad you felt I captured Remus' character well with the letter. Yes, he wouldn't want to tell them how terrible the transformation is... and I'm glad you liked the bit about Madam Pomfrey and chocolate, I thought it would be fun. :)
Remus' inner-wolf... I like to link it to his subconscious, sort of... and Remus is just scared of being hurt again... ahahah! Yes, I know you don't trust Peter (and for good reason) but right now he's just an innocent and sweet eleven-year-old...
Glad you liked the bit about the Marauders uncovering Remus' secret, too. They are at the beginning of second year in that scene. Glad you liked their reactions and found them in character. And yes, a serious-Sirius pun... I love those a bit too much... Poor Peter, not quite getting it... :P
I thought it was fun to include Lily and Snape in that scene. Especially Lily, with her mistrusting-of-James attitude, it was fun to write. :P The group hug was one of my favourite scenes to write, I'm glad you loved it too! <3
I'm so glad you enjoyed the rhyming prank! That was so much fun to come up with, too! :) Yes, something sparkled between Remus and Peter in the Shack scene... I know you don't approve, but I'm afraid it's going to happen anyway... Yay for Remus finally having company, though! :D
Thank you for your wonderful review! <3
Chiara! I’m here for our swap! (Finally! I’m so sorry!)
Awww poor Remus. I’d be a little worried about being made Prefect, too, if my best friends were the most infamous rule breakers in the school haha. I’m sure they’ll give him crap for it, but it’ll be okay. They love Remus, as much as I’m sure he still doubts it at times.
It’s scary realizing you might have feelings for someone of the same sex when you’re that age. I’m sure even more so in the 1970’s. And also there’s the typical “is it love?” because at that age you’re really not sure, since you never really experienced it before. I love that he was comfortable enough to talk to his dad about it, and I LOVE that his father was immediately accepting. I do worry about his dad, though. The mentions of Greyback seem foreshadowing for some reason. :(
Ooh Snape is a Prefect, too! We all know I love him, but I’m pretty much 99.9% sure he’s going to abuse those powers when it comes to James and Sirius lol. Although, I’m sure some of it will be deserved.
And what’s going on with Peter here? Do I detect some jealousy?? Ooh we’re really going to be getting into the nitty gritty in this chapter, aren’t we? I’m excited for this one. It feels like a lot of things are going to change now.
Oh my goodness, these three trying to sneak through the corridors under the cloak is hilarious. They might as well not have it on at all with the racket they’re making hahaha. I’m dying XD Good thing it was only Remus though. I love that he smelled them!
I'm always worried about anything that concerns the three of you…
Seriously, this poor kid is going to be fully grey by age 20 because of his friends lol. James and Sirius are so smug. I wish he would just put them in detention to show they can’t walk all over him, just because they’re friends.
Ooh yay! The birth of the Map is starting! I love and hate how confident James is, all at the same time.
Wait. What is that? What’s happening? Oh no, Mary! :(
Ugh any exchange between Sirius and Regulus just breaks my heart. I don’t think Reg was truly evil, I think Sirius was right, and he was being deceived. I just want to shake him and tell him to listen to Sirius, and forget your family. And what did they do to poor Mary that has Poppy thrown off? Such a sad section of this chapter.
Yeeeeahhh, Peter seems jealous. “Friend,” ooookay *wink*. We’ll go with that for now, Pete.
You are as dangerous as my pillow. Hahaha!! Looooove this line! Where do you come up with these? You’re hilarious, Chiara! Ahhhh! PETER KISSED HIM FIRST?!? Whoa! Go Pete! But noooo, that ended on a bad note. Fix this Chiara! Fix it now! Make them okay! *wails*
Peter, Dorcas, Peter, Dorcas indeed. What is he going to do?? I’m sure neither of them would be cool with Remus dating both of them. Seems like he needs to make a decision. Maybe he should go more with his heart than his hormones, or inner-wolf.
I agree with Sirius, Remus is sort of a mess. I like that Sirius took the news rather well, that two of his best mates kissed, and may fancy one another. Although, Sirius has many, many faults, one thing about him is that he’s loyal to the end. So it’s not surprising that he doesn’t let the news change anything between them. I am wondering why he’s irritated with James. I suspect something with Lily haha.
Yaasss, Sirius, tell him! Stop being scared, Remus! Live! Love!
Oh good, I’m glad Mary is out and better. Poor Mary. She’d didn’t deserve that.
Aaaahhhh!!! HE ADMITTED IT AND THEY’RE IN LOVE AND MY HEART!!! Oh, Chiara, I’m so rooting for these two. You really make Peter likeable and sweet, and your Remus is always incredible. I just love these little cinnamon buns and want to squish the both of them!
I loved this chapter! So much angst, sadness, squee-worthy moments, funny moments. Just an all around great ride of a chapter. I love your writing and I love your marauders and I love you! Thank you for doing the swap! I’m sorry it took forever. But I’m super thrilled to be back into this story again!
Love and many hugs,
Meg! Hello, my love! <3
Ahahah! Yeah, I wouldn't want to be made Prefect either if I were Remus... his friends are going to drive him crazy... but yes, they do love him a lot!
Yeah, it must be quite scary to realize that you might have feelings for someone of the same sex... and it would only add to the confusion of falling in love for the first time in general... poor Remus... I think his dad would be supportive, after all he had to accept that his son had lycanthropy, accepting that he might be gay can't be that big of a deal. And yes, all the Greyback stuff is not leading anywhere good, unfortunately... :(
Yeah, Snape is a prefect. I thought that was canon? But maybe it's just one of those things I'm so used believing that I feel are just facts... yes, he's probably going to abuse is powers a little...
Peter? Jealous? What gave you that idea? :P Things will definitely get interesting... but you already know...
Ahahah! They are not very good at being inconspicuous, are they? Poor Remus, indeed... dealing with those three (especially James and Sirius) would be quite a lot for anyone... he really should put them in detention! :P
Yes, the Map is in the making! And James is a git, but that's how I love him... :P
Yes, Mary... :( I'm sorry...
I don't think Regulus is evil, either, just misled... and I do believe that the two brothers love each other, even if they have such different views. I wish Regulus would listen to Sirius, too... :(
Yes, Peter kissed him first. And Remus, being the self-loathing idiot he is, ruined it... it will be fixed, no worries. ;)
Poor Remus is super confused right now... yes, he should go with his heart, the problem is that he doesn't really trust it...
I love Sirius! He's so blunt, but also he would do anything to support his friends, no matter what. I actually don't know why he was annoyed at James, but yes, it must be something about Lily, I love that idea! :D
Ahahah! Hopefully Remus will listen to Sirius, if not to his heart... ;)
Poor Mary... she definitely didn't deserve it, but at least she's alright now. :)
Yes, they are together and (for now) happy! :) I'm glad you are rooting for them and that you are liking them so far! They are kind of sweet... <3
Thank you so much for your lovely review, for swapping and for enjoying the story! You are the best! Love you so much!
Chiara! Here for our Twitter swap!!!!
I love the beginning scene. First, you do an incredible job at writing how overwhelming Peter feels. I love the laughter and fly bit; I could almost hear it. And then introducing Yaxley, his cousin. Oooh, he has family ties to a Death Eater; it's beginning to make more and more sense. Peter no!!
But I love how you have all of the careful foreshadowing of so many things here. That takes some careful, careful writing. Well done!
I'm so intrigued by Peter's Sorting. He would have really done better in Slytherin. But I like how his determination to be in the same House as Remus is what drives the Hat to put him in Gryffindor. Then, when Peter confronts Remus for the first time after all these years, I was really confused. Wait, didn't he just beg the Hat to put him in Gryffindor with Remus? Peter, why are you treating your only friend like that? But by the end of the scene, I see how Peter was joking around. Still... there's still a grain of truth in his behavior towards Remus. I wonder how that's going to develop throughout this story.
The ending: Remus is such a tortured soul. I love how you write him and include his wolf. And Peter admitting that he isn't a good fit for Gryffindor so early on, oh no... his true colors are already showing... though I like how you bring him together with James and Sirius through chess. Looking forward to the next chapter to see how their friendships develop!
Poor Peter... he's feeling so lost and overwhelmed right now... I'm glad that came across... have you ever felt that sensation, when people are laughing and even if you know it's silly you can't shake the feeling they are laughing at you? Anyway...
And yes, Peter has family ties with the Death Eaters... which is going to play a role in the future, but no spoilers...
Peter would have done better in Slytherin, yes... and well, he can hold grudges and he's very vindictive, and while he wants to reconnect with Remus, he also doesn't want to just forgive him... I know it's a bit contradictory, considering he just begged to be put in the same House as Remus... but that's just how Peter is, I guess...
Poor Remus... :( dealing with lycanthropy is so hard for him... and poor Peter, too, having such a hard time fitting in... glad you liked him approaching James and Sirius, though. :)
Thank you so much for the review! <3
Chiara! Happy Holidays! And I’ve been wanting more of Jimmy and I figured the prequel is a good place to start!
This is a wonderful story. I’m blown away at all the small details and how well you write such young characters. I get such clear images of young Remus and Peter playing. It’s nice to see them both so carefree in the beginning, especially knowing what awaits them in the future (both in canon and in your AU). You capture their childish curiosity and whims so well. I love when they try to build a swing, and John helps them.
You also write Remus’s dissent into anxiety about his condition well. How he tries to push people away, especially Peter. I have to give Peter some credit here. He is incredibly resilient in trying to keep Remus as a friend. His heartbreak is so real when Remus moves away. By the time they’re both ready to start Hogwarts, they both have heavy hearts.
You also balance these childhood adventures and heartbreaks well with the adults. Even though John and Silvia technically aren’t canon, they seem so flushed out here. John’s struggles at work. Silvia keeping watch over Remus during his first transformation. Even Mary as a struggling single parent. Things aren’t perfect for the adults, either, and you present these problems in a way that makes the reader aware of them and empathize with them but overall still has a tone of a child’s wonder.
You’re such a brilliant writer. I cannot wait to continue reading this fic in the near future!
Abby!!! Happy holidays to you too, my love!!!
Ah, I'm so thrilled that you are starting this story! I'm really curious to hear your thoughts about this, especially since you've read all of Jimmy already... <3
I love writing children... I'm sure you guessed already... and yes, Remus and Peter were adorable, weren't they? It's nice that they had a bit of happiness, at least in the beginning... glad you liked the detail of the swing...
Poor Remus... it's just so hard for him... it breaks my heart every time I think about him having to deal with lycanthropy since such a young age... and yes, Peter is incredibly resilient in wanting to keep his friendship. My poor children... :(
I'm glad you liked the adults and their struggles, too. I love John, Silvia and Mary so much! So glad you could empathize with them, too!
Thank you so much, Abby! You are the best! Can't wait to hear all of your thoughts on the rest of the story!
Omfg. I guess it’s only fitting that this last chapter was just as emotional as the others.
First off, Chiara, this plot twist at the end—oh gosh. I didn’t expect it all, but it’s ingenious. I’m so terribly sad for Neville, but so happy that Harry gets a second chance and that Lily and James do too, with their second child. I feel such deep sympathy for all the characters who have lost so much in this story; Mary and Silvia are the ones I feel for most, and I think that showing them again really connects this final chapter to the first chapter to show how much has changed.
Chiara, you’ve spun such a beautiful and highly emotional tale; I’m still reeling from all the betrayals and all the romance, the wide breadth of emotions that this story made me feel. I think what I love most about this story is the idea of redemption—without ignoring or underplaying the crime. The amount of pain and anger in this chapter makes it clear to me that Peter’s betrayal isn’t forgiven and that it won’t be forgiven easily, even if he did save Harry—but that he did save Harry and that he did come clean means that he gets a second chance. I think on a larger scale, this entire story has been doing that; you’ve so faithfully portrayed Peter, all his negative characteristics—but you’ve also brought light to his more positive characteristics and his motives for doing what he did, all which are understandable and perhaps even, eventually, forgivable.
All in all, this story has been such an amazing read. Thank you so much for requesting reviews from me; I’ve loved every second of it and hope to come back for a reread at some point. I’m also hoping to read Jimmy soon too because I’m not ready for Peter and Remus’s story to be over.
Great job. You should be super proud of yourself for this. Absolutely loved it <3
I'm so glad the epilogue felt just as emotional as the rest. I'm so glad you liked the twist at the end and how everyone is granted a second chance (but yes, poor Neville...)
I'm so glad you felt that connection with Mary and Silvia, too. I literally cried when I wrote that scene. I think it's one of the most painful things ever for a parent to realize that their child is not a good person... :(
I'm so, so glad you liked the story as a whole and the theme of redemption and how I portrayed Peter. He's not a good person and will never be, but he's still human and he has his good qualities and his reasons for doing what he did and he's at least trying to remedy to his mistakes. And I'm glad you could appreciate this.
Thank you so, so, so much for all of your lovely reviews! I can't begin to tell you what it means to me that you decided to review the whole story (which you definitely didn't have to do). And if you ever happen across Jimmy, I would be delighted to know what you think of that as well!
Thank you so much again! The biggest snowball hug ever to you!
OH MERLIN, CHIARA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. MY HEART.
Okay, before I start talking about this chapter, two things. I forgot to mention in my review for the previous chapter how much I absolutely love that Mary is gay for Lily (tbh I suspected it this whole time but I wasn’t sure if I was over-reading or if I was just projecting haha). Also I think this is the 100th review in this story—so i’m going to try to make it a really good one, okay? :)
This chapter was really, really intense. I know I’ve said that about pretty much all the other chapters too, but this one in particular just had so much going on in terms of Peter’s internal conflict. I think that Peter’s Gryffindor and Slytherin sides warring have definitely been a motif throughout the story but it was especially apparent here.
To some degree, I really really hate Peter. I completely understand his self-preservation instinct; it’s natural and it’s a part of him and it makes him human. But when he’s had the chance to experience genuine love, I always imagined that maybe he’d make a different choice—that he would be brave enough to overcome that self-preservation instinct and be as self-sacrificial as, for example, Remus.
The scene wth Dorcas really broke my heart. I think that your descriptions there were really lovely, and I love that you had Peter feeling so much pain too, like he is also suffering from his own cowardice. I’m so glad you portrayed Peter’s discomfort kissing Remus after that—the stab of guilt. At the same time though, Peter really wanted Remus’s love and I can’t help wondering if maybe he was slightly okay with hurting Dorcas because of her relationship to Remus. We saw earlier in this story that they can both be so insanely petty like that.
I think the scene that really shattered my heart to pieces was the final scene when Peter betrays Lily and James. I think other fics I’ve read and definitely the books make his decision seem easy and remorseless, like he wasn’t physically pained by it; I can see in this story that he only broke because of the pain. I really love that, this acknowledgement that humans have a natural capacity for pain. Peter is so deeply human and so flawed; he’s turning out to be this extremely well-developed, complex, morally grey character, and I have to commend you on your excellent characterization.
Final note: I’m so sad that this is the penultimate chapter. This story has been a wild ride, but every chapter has been so well-written. I’m excited to read the last chapter and to see if Peter can be redeemed somehow. Superb job! (and congratulations on your 100th review!)
Loved it. <3
Ahahah! I had no idea Mary was lesbian until she told Peter, so apparently you know my characters better than I do... :P
And yay! 100th review! I suppose I should give you a prize for it! :P
This was quite an intense chapter, and yes, I think the inner conflict between Peter's Gryffindor and Slytherin sides reached its peak here.
I really don't blame you for hating Peter. What he did here, especially regarding Dorcas, is inexcusable. He could have make different choices but he chose himself over the others. And yes, obviously what he did to Dorcas was also partly dictated by his jealousy and the desire of having Remus for himself. At least he had the decency of feeling guilty afterwards...
I'm glad that you were touched by the betrayal scene. I don't think that it would have been easy for Peter to give James and Lily away, I'm sure it would be a suffered decision and that he would feel deep guilt and pain for it. Still, it was his decision and I'm not excusing it. I'm so glad you liked my characterization, though. Peter is deeply human and I think sometimes fanfic writers tend to forget it...
Yes, this is the penultimate chapter... I'm so, so glad you have followed all the story and I'm moving to your last review now!
Lots of love, darling!
Chiara, please, all these cliffhangers basically break my frickin’ heart uGH.
Okay, this chapter was, always, a fantastic read. I’m really amazed by how well you’ve characterized Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus; I thought that their responses to all the things that they had to do in this chapter were perfect. I like that Sirius and James were bolder and more aggressive at the Auror training and Order meetings—that they jumped right in.
I loved Peter’s fear. As I’ve mentioned before, he really isn’t the typical sort of Gryffindor, fearless and bold; he isn’t James and Sirius. I think his fear during battle was perfectly reasonable and so human—and omfg. I love that Remus calmed him down. These two have such a strong bond with one another; I only wish that Remus would be more selfish from time to time and would actually listen to the people who love him.
Speaking of Remus, I really liked his conversation with Leander. I mean, I sort of want to punch Leander in the face for accusing my baby of supporting Voldemort, but also—that sort of paranoia is so reasonable during war, and I think you portrayed it well.
The scenes with Lily and James’s wedding and the pregnancy announcement was actually sort of bittersweet. It was sweet because they were truly touching, lovely scenes, but also bitter because i could sense Peter’s disillusionment, that he won’t find similar happiness without Remus. It was also bitter for me because that means this story is coming to a close soon and that’s so sad :( I’m not ready for it to be over!
Really, really well done. Loved it <3
Erm... sorry... I had to put that cliffhanger at the end, though...
I'm so glad you like the characterization of my boys and their different reactions to the war and everything going on. I do believe that James and Sirius would be the ones to just jump right in and I'm glad you could see that too.
Peter isn't that kind of Gryffindor. And I can totally imagine him panicking in battle (I probably would, too...) He and Remus do have a very strong bond, and yes, I wish Remus would just grant himself some happiness too... :(
Leander is just... doing his job. Which doesn't really excuse his attitude but... he's trying to do what he thinks is right at the best of his possibilities... but, yeah, he was kind of horrible to Remus and he could easily have not been so...
The wedding and the pregnant announcements were definitely bittersweet. I think even happy events like these would still be saddened by the war's events. And of course Peter isn't in a happy place right now and he feels kind of cut out... :( And yes, the story is coming to an end... and I guess I should apologize in advance for what's to come... :(
Thank you so much for another wonderful review! These really filled me with happiness!
Ahh confetti, yes! This chapter just really made me happy. I think that I expected a bit more conflict after the events of the previous chapter, but instead, it was refreshingly light. I think I should let you know none that this fic makes me laugh laufh much. I love the serious/Sirius jokes, I love the sly, witty humor—you’re so clever, Chiara, and this fic never fails to make me giggle (which in turn annoys everyone around me haha).
Really, though. This chapter felt like a testament to a celebration of the Marauders’ friendship with one another and their other friends, that they tested on this precipice in their lives where everything was changing so fast and yet, their friendship stayed so constant. It’s truly a lovely idea.
one small note of concrit: the scene by between James and Lily was super adorable, but I couldn’t really sympathize with their grief too much, because I didn’t know too much about their relationships with the people they lost. I think some more development of that would have been lovely. Generally though, you’re doing a good job making sure that these characters don’t play second fiddle to Peter and Remus and their story, but instead serve to enhance that story.
Overall, this was a brilliant chapter, and i loved it very much. Excellent job, Chiara! <3
I'm so glad you liked the celebration of the Marauders' friendship in this chapter. And I'm also glad I could make you laugh throughout the story. (I love Sirius/serious puns way too much...)
This is a big turning point for them, they are leaving school and entering the adult world and the reality of the war, and I just wanted to give them some last happiness and a goodbye to their adolescence that was worth them. And yes, also show how their friendship is still strong and stable, at least for now.
Yes, I know... too many omissions... if you want to know more about James' loss, again you should read "Shattering, dying, healing". It doesn't really say much about who Aaron was, but it gives some depth to his relationship to James and how James saw him. Anyway, I'm glad you like the "secondary characters"'s role in the story.
Thank you so much for another amazing review!
CHIARA PLEASE MY HEART CANT TAKE ANYMORE CHAPTERS ENDING WITH SUCH DRAMARIC MOMENTS.
Before I go to the ending, I do want to talk about the rest of the chapter a little bit. It made me so so happy that the Marauders patched things together. I think it’s a really mature and even an optimistic idea that Peter and Remus could still be friends and that Peter could still have a really serious relationship with someone else—I still hope that they’ll get back together, but obviously, that’s just my shipper heart being desperate af. I really did love the scene with Peter and Leander; Leander didn’t have much character in the previous chapter but he seems genuinely caring and genuinely loves Peter, which makes it really hard for me to hate him.
I think my favorite scene in this chapter was definitely Remus at the hospital and then his friends at the Atrium. I could really envision them and they were hilarious and such brilliant friends—sticking together, despite it all. I really really loved it. Another scene that touched me was Sirius leaving his family. I think his conversation with Regulus possibly splintered my heart into a million pieces and I’m still recovering, heh. I think you handled the emotional subtletities in that scene really well—how both Sirius and Regulus were just so convinced they were right, but couldn’t convince the other that family was more important than their ideologies.
OKAY NOW THE LAST SCENE. This was quite intense. I think what would’ve helped a bit would’ve been if Peter had talked to Alistair a bit throughout his Hogwarts years so that Alistair didn’t seem to reappear out of nowhere? I did think that Peter was so exceptionally brave in this scene. To me it served as validation that he does belong in Gryffindor, in the same way that I’ve always felt that Neville belongs in Gryffindor: not necessarily because he’s fearless, but because of his strength of conviction and his undying sense of loyalty. Gosh. I might actually be a bit won over by your interpretation of Peter. Well done, Chiara—as I mentioned before, he’s always one of my least least favorite characters, but this multi-dimensional view of him is so compelling and likable.
Wonderfully done, can’t wait to read the next chapter! <3
Oh, I couldn't keep my boys angry at each other for too long... I'm glad you liked their reconciliation, even if they didn't get back together. And yes, Leander does genuinely care about Peter (he's a Hufflepuff, after all...)
Ah, they are such great friends! I'm glad you liked their protest! And, yes, I know, Sirius and Regulus... as I said before, I believe they really loved each other and only wanted each other's safety, but their ideologies inevitably pulled them apart. :(
Yes, I know, I should probaby have given Alistair more space... I don't think he would have actually interacted with Peter much at school, anyway. He would have mostly studied him from a distance, wondering if he could eventually become useful later on... anyway... I'm glad you liked Peter's response, he truly did show his Gryffindor-ness in this scene. And I'm kind of proud that I'm making you like him a little, despite your (totally understandable) dislike for him.