Hi Chiara! I’m here for part 3 of our most recent swap.
Oh, it’s so awful to think of Remus having to literally be tagged like an animal with the red band for the entire world to see. While I’m glad he has the support of his friends (and I love Dorcas’s fierce devotion to social justice) the part where Tom fires him is just awful, even though I’m sure Tom is in an absolutely impossible situation. Fire Remus or maybe lose his clientele and lose his business. Poor Remus. The beginning of a lifetime of struggle, maybe the first time he has really encountered this specific kind of hardship.
Ahh more of your delightful Marauders dialogue, especially this:
“I’m scared of many things,” Sirius countered gravely.
Sirius’ expression changed suddenly to that carefree and mocking grin Peter knew so well. “For example of the state the school will be in after a year of James being Head Boy.”
And this! I love so much:
“It will get better,” James’ voice said.
“The weather or my mood?”
Ah I see we got some more insight into what happened with James the previous year or two after the news of his cousin’s death, so that makes sense now! And it’s nice to see Remus’s influence rubbing off on James and making him more mellow and gracious to others around him.
Something I really appreciate about how you wrote this scene in Dumbledore’s office is how not everyone was completely gung-ho about joining the Order. Mary said no, which seems very realistic -- not everybody would be keen to fight, even if they are a Gryffindor, and it also makes sense that both Remus and Lily would take a cautious approach. They want to do what’s right but don’t seem rash, and it’s human and okay to be nervous or uncertain. I also like the attention you paid to Peter’s decision process, how he’s scared but doesn’t want to be labeled a coward and ultimately decides to join because it’s a form of security against his family members who are on the other side.
And the Marauders really went out with a bang, didn’t they?? I wonder what on earth they did to get the merpeople to participate!
What a nice chapter, Chiara! Thank you so much for swapping with me!!
Hi Chiara! I’m here for part 2 of our most recent swap.
It’s a very fair request by Peter, for Remus to make a decision. The back and forth I’m sure hurts more than the rejection itself. And this line was so poignant and heartbreaking: “No more changes of heart, unless you want to shatter mine.”
So very interesting that Peter takes Leander to the Shrieking Shack for their first time; it really is not the romantic place, even while definitely private, and it made me wonder if part of Peter’s reason for doing so was because of the connection to Remus. He really did seem to in part be using Leander (even if he ddn’t necessarily mean to) in order to get over Remus, and fill the space in his heart left my Remus.
Sirius wearing an AC/DC t-shirt to the Black family Christmas dinner is a mood and absolutely delightful! It’s heartwarming and sad to see him try to take Regulus with him, especially since we know what happens to Reg later.
I loved Remus’s dad’s letter, though it was full of both happy and sad things. I love the heirloom watch but hate the werewolf law, and I love John’s cheekiness, especially the “don’t tell your mum” parts, haha! But still, what an awful birthday for Remus overall, and it was heartbreaking to see him crying when his friends were trying to surprise him.
I’m very curious about Remus’s friends in the lobby of the Ministry, especially with the girls. Did the girls know about his lycanthropy, too, and why he was there? I would have thought it would still have been very secret, just among the boys, out of fear. Still, I like the activism!
Ahh I loved the scene between Silvia and Mary, especially their reminiscing about their days in divination class and their crazy predictions, and then how they spent the rest of the afternoon making up predictions. That was so touching and wholesome! Silvia/Moody makes me giggle.
I like the detail about Peter’s family connection with the Yaxleys; it provides a lot of context for exactly how he could have gone about ultimately getting involved with the Death Eaters later on.
This was such an eventful chapter and really moved the plot forward! Things are getting very serious for all these boys.
Hi Chiara my dear! I’m here for part 1 of our most recent swap.
I love that you’ve addressed the Willow incident with Snape and Sirius, and it makes so much sense that it would cause Remus to push Peter away, as sad as that is. He’s really beating himself up and probably thinking how complacent he’s allowed himself to get, by letting his friends get so close to him, emotionally and literally when they go out with him at the full moon. And poor Peter, to be reliving the rejection all over again. I like the parallel you drew there.
All these boys seem to be having a very rough time of things lately! I’m very curious what was the incident that happened with James that made them all concerned he was in trouble or might be expelled? Maybe some sort of residual conflict with Snape after the Willow incident? Oh, but then I wondered was it maybe as a result of the Snape’s Worst Memory incident, and you just showed the aftermath before the scene where you depicted it actually happening?
I like how you used Snape’s Worst Memory to highlight some things, like the fact that when Sirius was bored it always meant trouble, or Peter’s bitter thoughts about Remus being a coward because he disapproves of his friends’ actions but won’t come out and say so (which, of course he won’t, usually, because he’s so grateful to have friends at all!) I also thought it was so interesting how Peter identifies with Snape and seems gracious enough to recognize that Snape said what he said at least in part from humiliation and anger.
Ahh, my heart breaks at the image of Remus with the specially made bracelet having to watch Peter with his new boyfriend! All in all, this is such an emotionally eventful and difficult period of time for all of these boys. The cracks between Remus and Peter have really deepened and I wonder what will become of them over the next couple of years.
Hey, Chiara! Here for our swap :)
I can't believe it's taken me so long to get back to this story!! Your Peter is hands down the best, he's just the perfect mix of the person we know in canon and someone I genuinely like and want to know more about.
I love the way that you brought his cousin into this in the first bit. I never really understood what makes Peter end up with Voldemort, I know they try to tell us it's because he's self-serving, but that never sat right with me? Giving him family on that side gives so much better context to his future decisions so I'm really looking forward to seeing how that plays out.
His sorting is just aboslutely perfect and showcases just how well you know Peter as a character and how much you care about him. I always figured that Slytherin would be the next logical place for him to end up, but the way that you showed us why that would be. And honestly? I'm so down with it. I know everyone likes to call Peter a coward, but it kinda takes some courage to pull off what he did, just a different kind than the usual Gryffindor flavor.
Ugh, I can't wait to see how you play out Remus and Peter's friendship as they grow up. I love how you've laid everything out so far. Having Peter and Remus be friends before they were friends with James and Sirius us a nice touch and I especially love that Peter is the first one to approach them. It makes for a much more interesting story.
I really enjoyed this, Chiara. Thanks again for doing the swap!
Hi Chiara! Here for your review request! <3
Ahh, what a sweet ending to this chapter full of the glory that is teenaged romantic angst. I think you did a lot in just one chapter, as far as showing this group (these groups?) of friends and the dynamics among them, the hints and the confirmations about who likes whom and who's jealous of whom. And it felt very realistic that Remus was having confusing feelings about several people, whether of the romantic variety for Dorcas and Peter, or whether purely physical attraction at times to (or at least noticing) other people like Sirius -- but he doesn't confuse pure physical appreciation with actual romantic feelings.
I was so very happy that Remus felt safe enough to talk to his dad about things, and then ultimately to Sirius. The incident with Mary -- which was a nice way also of illustrating the climate of the times they're living in -- was also a good way to heighten the emotions on all sides and serve as a catalyst for the first kiss between Peter and Remus. Throughout this chapter I would have given anything to see some of these events from Peter's POV, though I could tell he was experiencing quite a lot of resentment and jealousy.
I was also pleased by the scene between Sirius and Regulus - it was sad, but nice to see that Sirius cares about his brother and has not quite given up on him, and is trying very hard to guide his brother to do the right thing.
I think the way you write the Marauders' dialogue is delightful, and there were so many lines I loved. I liked seeing James's first use of the euphemism "furry little problem." And Sirius's quip: "My shoulder still hurts from last month, so yeah, I remember." Also I very much appreciate Remus's dry sense of humor, like when he says, "Oh, I bet. What about the word Unplottable?" And James's retort that he has done his research really highlights how bright and talented he is, and he's simply applying his intelligence and tenacity to noble pursuits like marauding!
Remus's response, "Who's Dorcas?" was so touching; what a beautiful sentiment. His love for Peter is founded on years of friendship, which may really be the best kind! I look forward to seeing what comes next now that Remus and Peter have been open with each other!
Hello lovely! Here for CMDC round 3.
There was so much in this chapter that was totally unexpected to me. Obviously I am aware that you love Peter, so I was expecting to see more depth from him than usual, but you really took his character in a really unique direction! But I totally thought it worked. He was a little more bold than I expected, and he stood up for himself/his interests - like he sort of told Remus off a bit after their Sorting, and then he approached James and Sirius himself at the end. That's definitely a lot more confidence and bravery than I usually see from him in other Marauders fics.
I thought it was an interesting tidbit about Peter being related to the Yaxleys. Is that canon (from Pottermore or something) or from your headcanon? Just out of curiousity!
Poor Remus. He is (obviously) trying so hard to keep his lycanthropy a secret, but he's hurting himself and hurting Peter in the process. I'm assuming that this will follow canon up to a point, which means I'm assuming (hoping) that he'll get to unburden himself of this secret eventually and get some comfort from Peter.
Your love and care for these characters really comes through in your writing, Chiara! Good work.
Hi Chiara! I’m here for CMDC Round 3 :D
Getting a glimpse of Peter as a child is a sure way to garner sympathy for him. He’s so sweet and brave. I love to see him taking risks and testing his strength. When he gets hurt, he runs to his mum, but then he’s right back out there again.
And the friendship between Remus and Peter is so sweet. They really hit it off right away and they should have been able to play together forever. But then the curse happens and Remus can’t even tell Peter about it—although Sylvia is able to lean on her friend Mary. How terrible to have to watch your child go through that every month and not be able to help—and not even be able to be there to hold his hand.
I was really sad when the other kids were mean to Remus, and then Remus’s family had to move away. What might things have been like for Peter and Remus if none of that had happened?
This chapter is one of the more monumental ones, in terms of both symbolism and plot. I think going through the story a second time allowed me to read more closely, to draw connections that I perhaps had not voiced before -- for instance, the red wristband for werewolves so closely echoes the forced yellow stars that Jewish people had to wear during World War II. Something else that I thought was particularly significant was the reaction of Lily, Dorcas, and Mary to seeing Remus with the band -- in wartime, people often form baseless prejudices, and turn against former friends, but not these three (plus the Marauders). Their conscience and morals are so clear that nothing will sway them from standing by their friend and other werewolves forever, and if that’s not one of the most Gryffindor things I’ve ever heard, I don’t know what is.
It’s absolutely horrible the way that unsatisfied customers voiced complaints to get Remus fired. This poor, sweet, gentle boy deserves all the love in the world, and would not hurt a single soul, yet Tom felt the need to remove him. Obviously, things aren’t as black and white as that; in comparison to others, Tom is a relatively good soul, just one who chose his business over his personal morals.
I know that Remus/Peter are endgame, but there’s something very sweet and charming about this brief Dorcas/Remus interlude that we have. I think that Remus deserves to like someone romantically, and to be liked, though I do wish he would be more honest with himself about his feelings! There’s no use in pining after Peter after making such a decision to be with Dorcas, after all. <3
Remus reclaiming the derogatory nature of the red wristband is SO powerful -- it’s actually my favorite part of this chapter!! It echoes the way certain minority groups have reclaimed slurs in order to have control over their identities, which I think is reflected so well here. I’m really glad that you included this in your story!! It gave me a lot to think about, and almost stirred up a mini-rebellion in my stomach, haha. I was prepared to go to WAR for dear Remus. :P
What a graduation sendoff! These four Marauders are sure to live on in infamy -- though this prank felt a little more sincere that perhaps others that they’ve pulled. After all, they genuinely seem to wish people happiness and light in the days of the war, which I think is a very sweet sentiment! (After they did cause explosions all over the place, and an uprising of the Lake, that is. :P)
Ugh I love this chapter soo much. I’m so glad I got the chance to read it again! <3
Hi Chiara! Here for the CMDC review event round 2!
I think this is a very interesting spin you’re taking on the Marauders, with Peter ingratiating himself with James and Sirius first and Remus being more of the outsider. Remus’s reluctance does make a lot of sense considering his lycanthropy and his fear of being rejected for that.
I found it fascinating that Remus’s natural instincts -- the wolf, in his mind -- are telling him that James and Sirius are dangerous. That’s an interesting layer. The argument among the four of them where Remus is calling James a coward -- or apparently he had done it earlier -- was a little confusing at first, but after a while I gathered that Remus had called James that because James bullies other kids? And I was a little confused when suddenly Sirius asks him, “Did we pass the exam?” I see that from there, Remus seems to accept that they want to be friends with him, or are willing to be friends, which is good that he comes around to believing that -- I do wish that maybe this section had been expanded a little more so we can understand how he goes to quickly from accusing James of bullying other students, to accepting the tentative offer of friendship. Perhaps a little more of James and Sirius’s promising words or actions towards him?
I enjoyed this glimpse at the other Marauders trying to work out Remus’s monthly disappearances. I like that James finally got to frustrated with the mystery that he decided to start keeping notes! I thought you did a great job with this scene and the discussion among them, all their different ideas on how to go about bringing it up. I sort of wished we had seen the scene where they all confront him about the truth, but I did like the touching moment where they follow him when he runs away and they declare that they accept him.
"So, Remus. We were thinking..." James started.
"Why don't I like it at all when you say it, James?"
"Because you are a boring killjoy.”
^Ahahaha! I absolutely love that exchange! I also loved, “Supreme Seer and King of Ill Omen.”
What an amazingly thoughtful birthday gift from Peter’s friends! I like that you’ve made Peter a chess person. This, along with his aptitude for observing people and absorbing information about them, says a lot about him, I think. He comes across as thoughtful. Certainly not a stupid person.
Oh my gosh, the poetry draught is so clever of you! That bit was so fun to read! :D I am so amused by the thought of McGonagall walking around speaking in rhyming verse in spite of herself.
I loved the end of this chapter, “The wolf could be happy.”
Hi Chiara! Here for the CMDC review event round 2!
No matter what Peter became when he was older, I do feel bad for young Peter, and I feel that way for him here, trying to fit in and not being one to make friends too easily. You do a good job here of capturing the awful awkwardness of a first day of school when you don’t know anybody and they seem to all know each other already. It’s a terrible feeling. I am interested to learn more about his Yaxley family connections and why his mother was cut off from the family. Was his father a Muggle? Or just from a less desirable family?
It makes a lot of sense to me, in light of all that, that Peter would want to be in Gryffindor because he’s clinging to the thought of Remus being his friend.
I thought you did a very interesting thing with the Hat asking Peter what if Remus were to disappoint him -- because from canon we know it to be the other way around! So I liked that, very ironic.
I especially like how much attention and description you have paid to Peter being observant. In the glimpses we saw of him in canon, he did seem to always be very much on the sidelines, watching other people, and I think with his personality as you’re writing it here it makes sense he would be in the habit of watching other people and learning things about their mannerisms. That seems like something that will prove to his advantage later. This was also a nice way for you to give us a lot of information about several other characters, while still feeling natural!
I was pleasantly surprised to see Peter pluck up the courage to approach James and Sirius, and I’m looking forward to seeing how this friendship unfolds!
Hi Chiara! I'm here (finally!) with your forum request!
I am pleased to see a story centered around Peter. I mean, as much as I dislike him in canon, there's a lot to be explored about his background. I like the idea you've created that Remus and Peter knew each other as children. This, I think, will add an interesting dynamic to the Marauders.
The part where Remus's mother is locking him in the garage is so heartbreaking, I swear I wanted to cry. What an awful, horrific image, this child being locked in a dark, soundproofed garage, to experience unthinkable pain and anguish. You don't even have to go into the actual transformation itself, because this heartwrenching scene and the anticipation of knowing what's to come is bad enough.
The separation of the two boys is so sad and makes me eager to see them reunited at Hogwarts, even though I know the awful truth that comes several years later (except...perhaps in your story it doesn't? since this is a set up to your AU creation?)
I like the glimpses of them over the years and look forward to seeing how this plays out in each chapter!
Hi, Chiara! I'm grossly late with this requested review, but alas, I'm finally here! I'm so sorry it's taken so long.
I think the manner in which Remus wrote to his parents was very appropriate for his character. Though he doesn't explicitly say it, he gives off the vibe that he feels like he's an inconvenience to everyone - Peter, his parents, etc. He wants to be himself and be honest about his feelings and fears, but that's outweighed by his desire to not be a burden on those he loves. There was something haunting and sorrowful about his words; I can't quite put my finger on what, exactly, but it's very well done.
Haha, I love Remus being confused about James and Sirius's genuine kindness. I suppose it makes sense for him, seeing as how previous experiences with peers have gone for him (not to mention that James and Sirius are rather intense), but there's just something comical about it. His reaction was priceless.
I love how, even at this stage, Peter's knee-jerk to everything is self-preservation. His concerns when learning about Remus's condition aren't necessarily without merit, but it's very telling that his first thought isn't "Omg poor Remus!" but rather "What should we do to make sure nothing goes sour?" And the fact that he doesn't thoroughly voice this is very interesting, too. It's just great insight into who he really is.
Hmm. Could the moment in the classroom have been what made Severus aware the Remus was different, propelling him to observe/research further? Obviously, the boys were cryptic and didn't give away what Remus was so upset about/what it was they didn't care about, but for all his faults, Severus is smart. He must have known that whatever this who le thing was a bout, it was a big deal; what else would have prompted the four of them, of all people, to have a group hug?
McGonagall's reaction to the rhyming rain was hysterical. Like, she obviously had to be all stern and whatnot, but something tells me she was impressed by their work. XD And the idea that she unknowingly named the Marauders was a nice touch.
Everything was just so perfectly in-character throughout this chapter. Lily jumping to a seemingly hurt friend's defense, the friends tracking down a long-lost chess set for Peter, Remus being all hesitant about the Animagus idea... there was just so many little things sprinkled throughout this that really grounded it.
Great work once again!
Hey, Reilly! <3
Sorry if I'm so late replying to this... well, I'm here now! ;)
I'm glad you "liked" Remus' letter to his parents! I guess he does feel like he's a burden on everyone, the poor child... :(
Sirius and James can be pretty intense, yeah... and Remus, based on previous experiences, would have a hard time trusting them... I guess he would be just surprised of people caring about him... I guess his reaction was kind of comical :P
That's Peter, I guess. He would first of all worry about his own safety and what's best for him... *shrugs*
I'm not sure if that episode was what made Severus suspicious... I bet he found it weird, though, so maybe? There was something big going on, for sure ;)
I've always thought that McGonagall would be secretly impressed by their antics a lot of the time... :P And I did love the idea of her being the one who gave them the name, even if it was involuntary. :P
I'm so glad you liked the chapter and all the details and that everyone felt in character! Thank you so much for the great review! <3
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This last chapter has so much going on!!!!!!
I don't know what's more heartbreaking: Peter taking Harry from Lily and James, Mary and Silvia mourning in the the public eye with those heinous reporters, the murder of Alice and Frank Longbottom, or Lily and James receiving the news that she's pregnant. My heart!
And... oh Remus... you have chosen the wrong person to love, my friend. Honestly! Peter had a hand in Dorcas's death, and I just... okay. And Sirius at the end, trying to get Remus out and about again... I had forgotten that Sirius doesn't end up in Azkaban in this AU. Still. I like how you have that scene with the ending scene a few years later, with Peter and Jimmy in the USA, and how Peter is thinking of Remus. I think those two scenes are excellent ones to lead into All the Trurth About Jimmy Portman.
I really like the actiony scene when Peter kidnaps Harry and then flies away with him. You portray Peter's helplessness and panic well, and that sense of urgency about taking Harry to save Lily and James... this does not excuse Peter, in my book, but you got the mood just right!
This chapter is such a brilliant way to set up for your first Jimmy novel. Before now, everything has been wonderfully canon. We get to see the Marauders grow up right before our very eyes, fight in a war, and then experience extreme heartbreak--but not the heartbreak that we're used to. SOme of your changes are subtle, and others are huge, and it's so much fun to figure out what's the same and what's different!
Overall, wonderful, wonderful story. I must say, reading this and then reading Jimmy 2, your writing has grown so much. It's always been good, but I am excited to see you continue to grow and see what you show us with your brilliant imagination of yours!
(here for RvG, team gold!)
Abby! Ah, I'm so thrilled to see you at the end of this! <3
Yeah, I know... I lot of heartbreaking stuff... I almost made myself cry when I wrote the Mary and Silvia's bit... :(
Poor Remus... yes, he would probably be better off if he just forgot Peter, but that's not how it works, right? And to be fair, he doesn't know about Peter's involvement in Dorcas' death... Glad you liked the closing scene with Peter and Jimmy in the USA, too
Ahahah! I wasn't expecting you to forgive Peter... :P Glad you liked the scene of the kidnapping, though, and that you felt I portrayed Peter's feelings well! <3
That's the whole premise of Jimmy, that Peter tried to "save the Potters" at the last moment. I wanted everything else to be as canon as possible, and I'm glad that worked out. Glad you enjoyed the journey and seeing the Marauders grow up. <3
Aww, thank you! I'm so glad you liked the story! And thank you for saying that my writing has grown... I'm trying to get better, so it's great to hear this! <3 I can't wait to share more Jimmy with you! <3
Love you! Thank you so much for the great review!
ALISTAIR YAXLEY IS THE WORST! UGH! Okay... not sure if he's worse than Peter, but, ugh, Chiara, how do you extract slivers of sympathy from me towards Peter? It's incredible how you do it!
Oh, hi. Here for our massive swap, and of course this story!
In case you didn't quite get it from my opening point in this review, Alistair Yaxley is one horrible guy. Torturing another human being like that? It's just... wow. And he seems to know how to get Peter to talk. Did they spend some time together growing up? Or is Alistair that calculated, that sadistic, so doing that to his cousin, of all people, is enjoyable? Because I think Alistair enjoys doing what he does to Peter, which... ugh. Chills.
And also, his homophobia... hajsdlfhlas kdfjhdslafhsdf fjasdhflkja!!!!! Chiara!!! The injustice is infuriating! [obviously this is yet another testatment to your fantastic writing.]
And then... what? Sirius basically accusing Remus of being the spy? I mean, they were kind of all thinking it during this time of the First War, but... NOOOO! They had such a beautiful friendship, and now this?!? Of course... Sirius has just lost Marlene. My rage towards Peter is now back in full swing! Killing people, tearing apart friendships! And i know the worst is yet to come!!!
"He was over her." What a brilliant opening line, especially for an intimate scene. But by the end of the scene, Remus is clearly not over Dorcas, so I absolutely love how you show switch from the wolf to the human. And if I weren't a fan of Dorcas before now, then her support and understanding in this scene (hot chocolate!!!) has clearly made me a fan.
BUT THEN WHAT IS THIS NEXT SCENE? No! I mean, I knew it was coming, and I really, really like how you included Peter in her death--he's been jealous of her this whole time, and now he's acting on it. You've casted Peter in such a unredeemable light. I am FURIOUS at him. Sure, he was being tortured and bullied to be on the Dark Lord's side, but... torturing others? Having an instrumental hand in their deaths? Which reminds me, during this scene, I was wondering about Peter's hand in Goblet of Fire and how you might play this one out when you get to year 4!
Oh Remus... poor Remus. Poor, BAD DECISION MAKING Remus! I just... ugh, Peter! He's so slimy here. He's had a hand in his best friend's lover's death and then hooks up with his best friend! It's so slimy and I'm also frustrated with Remus and then James and Sirius show up with their misplaced trust... and I think it's absolutely BRILLIANT that you have Peter say "Sacred Killer" at the end. I nearly screamed. I know that James and Lily don't die in this AU, but so many other people have due to Peter and GAH! Padfoot and Prongs, do not trust Peter!! And Peter, you know FULL WELL why they don't trust Remus... sure you don't trust Remus but you also know that their mistrust is misplaced and you are GOING ALONG WITH IT. Peter's actions are so frustrating and I don't think I've ever despised a Harry Potter character as much as right now.
AND THE FINAL SCENE!!!! MY DESPISE ONLY GROWS!!!!!! Needless to say, you were right how I would feel about this chapter and Peter Pettigrew. His traitorous ways make my blood boil!!
That all being said (and sometimes shouted) this has yet another great chapter. You have woven so many complex layers of multiple relationships into this piece. Wonderful work!
Abby!!! Hello, my love! Sorry if I'm so behind with my replies... well, I'm here now! <3
I might be partial but Alistair Yaxley is much worse than Peter? I mean, Peter is pretty bad at this stage, but Yaxley's gratuitous cruelness is just... urgh! And yes, he does enjoy hurting his cousin like that... I suppose there is at least a part of him who considers Peter a shame for the family? And yes, the homophomia, too, of course... :/
Everyone is just extremely tense at this point of the war... and we know from canon that Sirius believed Remus the spy (the reason Remus was never told about the switch in the first place...) There is a reason this chapter is titled "Traitors"... of course it primarily refers to Peter's betrayal, but also to all the other small betrayals and fractures among the whole group... obviously, it is ultimately Peter's fault if Sirius is mistrusting Remus and treating him that way... :(
Dorcas is wonderful! Her support of Remus is wonderful! I'm so glad you liked that scene between them! And I'm so sorry about what happens right after...
Peter gets to his lowest in this scene. And yes, his jealousy and desire for revenge are his major motives here, it's not just about surviving... he is pretty unredeemable at this point. (I have ideas for GoF... but it will take quite a bit for me to get there... you'll find out when the time comes, I suppose...)
Poor Remus is just so hurt and confused at the moment... and I know you hate Peter (and I can't blame you) but he sort of is too and... none of them was particularly proper or sensitive there, but I'm not sure I can really blame them... but yes, the way Peter went along with James and Sirius' mistrust is pretty awful! Okay, but... I do find the way you shout at him pretty amusing? :P Sorry, that's the evil writer in me, I guess... :P
Thank you so much for this wonderful review! You are the best! <3
Hi, Chiara! I'm here with your requested review!
I think you jump between perspectives very effectively in this chapter. Sometimes, such a style can be jarring, but I feel like you change perspectives at logical moments so it doesn't seem like it's changing simply for the sake of changing, you know? I like that we get to be in both Remus and Peter's heads. Despite both being Gryffindors, they're two different people with obviously very different life experiences. So, to see these first couple months of First Year through these two lenses is fascinating.
I like how you're showing how, even this early, Peter is struggling to understand who he is and where he belongs. When he meets his cousin, he has that knee-jerk reaction that he doesn't like this individual. So, obviously, Peter is good at heart... but, alas, there's that lingering desire to "be somebody." Even at such a young age, you show him yearning to be recognized and admired, which is likely a big reason why he becomes who he is later on (at least in canon). His desperation for Remus's attention and acceptance is both endearing and heartbreaking. He is, after all, just a kid, and all he wants is a place in this brand new word.
Remus's continued hesitance to share his secret is handled really well. Considering what happened in the last chapter with those other kids he told, it makes sense that he's keeping his lips sealed about the whole thing. Hogwarts is, after all, a clean slate for him, so it's logical for him to be cautious, even with an old friend like Peter. But, as you mentioned in this chapter, Peter is a very observant individual; it's only a matter of time before he figures it out.
I really like that Remus and Peter don't instantly become friends with James and Sirius. Their personalities don't gel quite yet, and I feel like them becoming friends right away would have felt a bit too contrived. It appears that their inevitable friendship will happen a bit more organically, not to mention as a result of Peter plucking up the courage to reach out to them. It's more realistic, I think; judging by what we've seen of James and Sirius thus far, they don't seem like they'd go out of their way to forge friendships with Remus and Peter.
Great job, yet again!
Hi, Reilly! Thank you so much for the lovely review!
I tend to do a lot of perspective jumping, I'm afraid... I'm glad it seemed to work for you here, though. I'm so glad you enjoyed seeing things from both Remus and Peter's perspectives and found them fascinating. :)
I've always thought that Peter wasn't bad since the very beginning, and I've always thought that his yearning for being recognized and admired (or maybe even just for feeling like he belongs) is one of his biggest drivers in most of his life choices (including the Death Eater part, unfortunately). Happy you found his way of seeing Remus endearing, if a bit sad. <3
I can't blame Remus for wanting to keep the secret, especially after all his previous experiences. I am a bit sad for Peter, though. But yes, the secret won't remain so for long. Peter is bound to notice that something is not quite right, after all... he is pretty observant...
That's another headcanon that I always had, that Remus and Peter wouldn't immediately get friendly with James and Sirius. On the contrary, I've always imagined Remus being wary of them at first, since he's such a quiet person and they are so exhuberant. And no, I wouldn't have imagined James and Sirius going out of their way to befriend the other two, either.
Thank you so much again!
Chiara! Here for the story and the swap.
Oh my goodness!!! It's quite ambitious to fit so much of the First War into one chapter, but somehow you have manageed it! (Not that I am surprised!) There are so many emotions running through the course of this narrative, and they flow from one to the next. I'm not even going to say from one scene to the next because so many emotions happen within each scene and they're so layered.
I do want to point out that I like how you included the picture of the Order and the fluff of that moment because... there isn't much fluff in this chapter (not that I have any right to complain, but again, this shows how well you've captured the First War).
But I want to shift my focus on Peter. You write his downfall SO WELL. I call this chapter his downfall because he goes from somewhat enthusiastic Order member to petrified fighter to angry former lover to glum exboyfriend to jealous rat. You make him into such a complex character, driven to give him some sort of redemption (which he has yet to gain from me, but that's for your 6 remaining Jimmy fics, lol... or however many you decide to write). But by the end of the chapter it totally makes sense why he would be vulnerable to Voldemort. Well done.
Also, Dorcas is a ray of sunshine in Remus's life. Noooo, I know what's going to happen to her and I'm so sad! And Remus's mission with the werewolves... I love how you include this in the story, and how you set it up that people would be suspicious of him because he's doing this mission (which they don't know about and their ingrained prejudices leak to the surface). The War isn't looking very good, Chiara, and I know that things aren't about to get better...
Despite that, I am looking forward to finishing this fic! Though I will be a little sad because it's so good, but I know that there will be plenty more things to read! :D
Abby! Hello, my love! <3
I'm so glad you felt I managed to fit the First War into this chapter well, it was a difficult chapter to build. I'm also glad that all the emotions came through well. Yes, there are a lot of emotions here, but given the times I think that's normal...
Glad you liked the detail of the picture, too! And the bit of fluff with the announcement of the pregnancies. Yes, there isn't much fluff here at all, but again, that's how the times are...
This chapter is definitely his downfall. Although his true downfall will happen in the next one. But yes, I understand perfectly what you mean and Peter is in such a dark place at the moment. I'm not sure if I will ever fully redeem him, actually... he will always be his selfish, vindictive, cowardly self, I'm afraid... :/
Dorcas is wonderful and Remus needs her so much in his life. I'm so sorry for what's going to happen to her (I apologize in advance, it won't be pretty...) And yes, Remus' mission is only distancing him from everyone else and making his friends suspicious of him, which won't lead to anything good either... :(
I can't wait to hear your thoughts about the rest! (I'll try to snatch a slot in your review thread, if I manage... or I'll swap with you once chapter 30 of APNFFH will finally be up... (you should really hurry up, btw... :P)
Love you so much!
Hi there! I'm (finally) here with your requested review!
I think you've set up a very interesting premise here. Though there are tons of Marauders stories around, it's hard to find one that begins before their shenanigans at Hogwarts, and much less one that doesn't feature James and Sirius front-and-center. Obviously, those two will likely come in later, but so far, it seems like Remus and Peter will be the focus in this and they won't necessarily be playing second-fiddle to James and Sirius, and I really like that. I don't think they (especially Peter) get their own stories often enough where their arcs aren't overly reliant on one of the "leaders," so to speak. Hopefully that makes sense haha. Basically, what I'm saying is this looks like it'll be a really unique take on these two characters.
Oooh, Peter's mum was a Yaxley?! That's interesting. Does she have dark tendancies that she may have instilled in her son, or does he turn dark later of his own accord? I mean, she seems kind enough in this and seems genuinely concerned when Remus is "sick" (and it seemed like she knew the real reason why, leading me to believe she's a tolerant woman) but I do wonder if those family ties factor at all into who Peter inevitably becomes. Although, maybe Peter won't turn dark at all; you did say in your notes this will end in AU. Guess I'll just have to wait and see haha. Regardless, it seems like Peter grew up in a loving home, which is wonderful to see.
I think you described Remus's early struggles with his lycanthropy perfectly. I thought it was interesting how he had a tendancy to confide in his friends about his condition (but, interestingly, not Peter. Hmm.). And obviously after losing all of those friends... well, it definitely makes sense that he became the "quiet" one of the bunch in his later years. This was a really nice touch that hinted at why Remus became a bit more introverted later on.
I love the idea of Remus and Peter knowing one another before Hogwarts, too, and well before they become friends with James and Sirius. I feel like because we see the books from Harry's perspective, I don't tend to think of Hogwarts kids knowing one another before Hogwarts. Like, some of them had to, you know? Lol, I know this is weird and I'm probably the only one. But I guess what I'm saying is this seemed like a realistic depiction of children who grew up in wizarding households, and I really liked that.
Also - and this is another minor thing - I like that one of the kids who picked on Remus was a Prewett. (And I don't mean I'm happy he was bullied lol.) Because the Prewetts are so closely tied to the Weasleys through Molly, and because we know Fabian and Gideon died in the first war, I think the Prewetts are seen as a purely "good" family. And they probably were. But, everyone - light side or dark - has the potential to be mean, and I liked that you used someone with a "good" name to depict this. It was yet another realistic layer to your piece.
This was very well done! Thanks for stopping by my request thread!
Hi, Reilly, dear! Finally here to reply to your lovely review! Sorry it took me so long...
I'm glad you liked the premise here! Yes, it's not usual to find a Marauder story the focuses mostly on Remus and Peter, much less to have them being friends before Hogwarts, and I'm glad you like it. :) And yes, it makes sense what you are saying! ;)
Peter's mum is a Yaxley, yes, but she's a bit like the Andromeda of her family, if you know what I mean... the family ties will influence some of Peter's future choices... which aren't exactly the same as canon, but not so far either... but I can't spoiler too much, can I? Anyway, yes, Peter did grow up loved. ;)
Poor Remus... :( It's a lot to deal with for a child... and yes, losing all those friends definitely made him wary and more introverted later on...
I'm sure there were wizard children who knew each other before Hogwarts. Maybe not Muggleborns, but if the wizarding community tend to stick together in certain villages, like Godric's Hollow for instance, than it would make sense? But yes, I don't normally think about it much either...
I also think some prejudices were well ingrained even in the "good" families. We see that a little in Ron, too. And the prejudice against werewolves would definitely be one that would exist even out of the Pureblood supremacists. I really wanted for Duncan a surname that wasn't recognizable, but that didn't immediately identify him as one of the "bad ones". I'm glad you liked that detail!
Thank you so much for the brilliant review! <3
Chiara! Here for our swap!
AHHHHH! I love Dorcas so much!!!!!!!! She's such an incredible human being, and I love her, and she's so spunky, and I love her, and she's willing to stand up for what is right, and, I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I love her. ;)
This chapter... they're all grown up! Can we go back to when they were all first years?? Lol. You have shown how much they've grown wihtin this chapter, especially James. I can totally see why Lily has fallen for him (and yet you also manage to keep his boyish, mischievous charm, too). Sirius is as hysterical as always, but he thinks things through a little more. Remus... letting himself be with Dorcas, I love it! And Peter... that hesitation about the Order. Oh Peter, I know that you have good intentions now, but... what's to come... just stay out of it!
The werewolf band infuriated me. It's interesting to think of Voldemort's platform being to "weed out" Muggleborns and uphold "blood purity." But then the current Ministry is registering werewolves and having them wear identifying bands?! (Uh, WWII, need I say more?) Both systems are horrible. And I think that's why the Order is so alluring to our favorite Gryffindors here.
Well... it's only going to get darker from here. But you have established so many deep running friendships, that, even though I know what's coming, I have some hope that there will be moments where they can be confident in all of this being worth it.
I love you! Did I mention that I love you? Maybe, a couple of times... :P
Dorcas is awesome, I agree! ;) And yes, they are all grown up now... James has definitely matured a lot, and of course Lily was bound to notice. ;)
Peter... yes, he should've stayed out of it... but we all know how things are supposed to go... and he cares too much about his friends' opinion of him... it's sad, I know... :(
The Ministry has a lot of flaws... and yes, the werewolf regulation is awful (and definitely reminiscing of WWII, I did have that in mind...)
This is going to get much darker from now on. But yes, at least they can sustain each other... until it lasts... :/
Thank you so much for another awesome review! <3 <3 <3
Chiara! Here for your requested review (and honestly, the story, too).
This... all of this... yes, this chapter is entitled "Rebels." And you show the vast complexities of what being a rebel is.
Before I delve into that, though, I want to mention the first couple scenes. First, I'm glad that Peter and Remus do not get back together. That relationship is so toxic, in my opnion. I know that I'm biased but... no. And poor Remus and his self esteem. Peter, on the other hand, I'm quite surprised by. Sure, he has lingering resentment over Remus and everything... but the way he and Leander went about their intimacy was... maturely handled by both boys.
Okay, the rebels.
Sirius: what to break my heart, Chiara! This is a very canon event, but the pain Sirius is feeling, and the fear... I am so proud of him from walking away from that abuse and toxicity. It's not easy, and he's going to have troubles down the road, but this was the healthiest thing for him. I wish Regulus would have come with him. That is when my heart broke. Because we know that Regulus doesn't go back, and when he tries to make Voldemort mortal once more, we know what happens...
Remus's birthday... that letter from his dad is beautifully written. I think that's the most beautiful part of the whole story. I can feel the love, the humor, the frustration, the concern gushing from John's words... and we both know how special written messages are from parents.
But that werewolf check in. THAT IS SO WRONG IN SO MANY WAYS. Chiara, this whole chapter was a specturm of emotions, oh my goodness. I am so thrilled that the other Gryffindors were there--and Dorcas organized it all! I really like her! Ahhh, this is what the empowering part of being a rebel shines most. When you're with other people, taking a stand.
And that ending. Peter, wow. That was so brave of him standing up to the Yaxleys like that. But also dangerous. I wonder how he changes over the war, how they eat away at his confidence and manipulate him... but for now, he IS a rebel.
Fantastic chapter, Chiara. It was a rollercoaster! I'll be back again soon.
Hi again, Abby, my love! :D
Sorry... I know there is quite a lot to take in here...
Remus and Peter... yes, you are right... their relationship is not exactly healthy... although they do love each other a lot... I'm not surprised you are glad that they didn't get back together :P
It's funny because I've heard very contrasting opinions regarding Peter and Leander... :P I'm not quite sure what I think of them but, yes, I suppose they did deal with things in a mature way... mostly...
Sirius... yes, he did need to ge away from that abuse and toxicity. It's terrible that it came down to that, and it's terrible that Regulus chose to stay behind. And it's terrible knowing what Regulus' fate will be... I am sorry... :(
I did love writing John's letter. I love John, dot. And yes, written messages from parents are precious... *hugs*
The whole werewolf legislation bit... yes, it's awful and so, so wrong! I had a feeling you would enjoy the kids' protest! :D
Poor Peter... that was a scary moment for him, but yes, he's found the strength to rebel... for now...
Thank you so much for another awesome review!!! <3 <3 <3
Chiara! Here for our swap! Sorry, things got busy when I got home from work, so I won't have time for your requested review, but thank goodness the weekend is around the coerner!
Anyway, what a fantastic chapter!
The opening two scenes were so complex. I love them! It was brilliant to see the Gryffindor girls interact with each other. The War is trickling into everyday conversation, the world seems inept at handling it (as it usually the case, I'm afraid), Mary's attack, it's all so much. It's nice that they get to play in the water, finding comfort in each other and being able to forget their troubles for a moment. And then we zoom into the boys... and immediately that sweet moment between friends turns sour with Peter's jealousy. It last only a moment, but Remus does silence him with a kiss, so that's not really addressing the bigger issue here (Remus and Peter, your future doesn't look to good right now). And then you immediately draw the reader's attention away from this aspect of their relationship to James's pining for Lily and Sirius's disgust at them all for being in love. You capture the melodrama of teenage boys so well, lololol. I was laughing at James and Sirius. But don't think that doesn't mean I've forgotten about Remus and Peter!!!
And then the second half of that chapter happens... oh my goodness. Like... what?! Okay. The Marauders have lots of tension between them. Great job layering that in, by the way. Sirius is a prat. James is an idiot. Remus is so indecisive. And Peter... oh there's so much there. Of COURSE he holds onto "ass licking loser" because of all his insecurities: not being as talented as the rest of the boys, him calling Remus "monster" because deep down, that's what he kind of thinks of Remus and then having that SAME insecurity when James calls him that, and then Peter's glee in the fight--and his jealousy to boot. ALso... LEANDER JONES?! AHA! I know who you are now! ahaha.
That is such a rambling paragraph. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this chapter is wonderful. You capture so many canon moments, and you make the characters so human. I have a feeling things are going to get grimmer from here... because the War is about to intensify...and a betrayal is going to happen. I cannot wait for the next chapter. I'll read it soon! <3
Abby! Ah, I always love your reviews so much, dear! Thank you for swapping, and sorry for the late reply...
I'm glad you liked the scene with the girls! I wanted to give them some space, since I hadn't really given them any till now and they deserved it! :) Yes, the world is getting dark and it shows... glad you liked seeing them being able to have a moment of fun and respite. :)
The boys are a mess... and yes, there is some unsolved tension between Peter and Remus... their relationship is powerful, but it's never been the healtiest, I'm afraid... James and Sirius are just ridiculous, but that's the way I love them! :P I'm glad you found them amusing! :D
My poor children... yes, there is a lot of tension among them at the moment... and yes, Peter... I've always thought that a big part of his betrayal was due to his envy and insecurity and the feeling of the other Marauders not taking him as seriously as them should have... yes, he would hold onto that, and yes, he's so driven by his jealousy at the moment... Ahahah! Yes, here's Leander Jones for you! :P
I'm so glad you like the chapter and all the characters in this! And yes, things will definitely start to fall down very soon (they kind of already are...) Thank you so much again for another brilliant review, I always love them! <3
I’m back with a final review for the February swap :)
I really liked the glimpse of John we get here! Obviously, Remus and his dad are very close if his first instinct is to go to him for relationship advice. Good on John, too, to accept his son no matter what; we all know Remus needs all the encouragement and positive reinforcement he can get. It’s so sad he thinks he’s not deserving of love because of his condition, but at least his parents are supportive. Greyback acting up and new ministry regulations coming in? Poor Remus, that’s probably going to make his life a lot harder…
I also enjoyed the scene of all the Gryffindors on the Hogwarts express, you’ve managed to include a lot of background info on the characters, like the problems Sirius and Lily have with their siblings, but you’ve done so in a way that flows really well with the dialogue and storytelling, it never feels like it’s too much, or overbearing or anything. Personally, I always find it difficult to find the right balance between show and tell, but you did so fantastically well! The interaction between Sirius and Regulus is also excellent, I feel like it doesn’t only show how their relationship changed over the years, but how much more serious the situation in the entire wizarding world is becoming, with Voldemort on the rise and increasing death eater activity. It looks like everyone will soon need to make a choice what side they’re on, but both Black brothers have already made their decision.
The confusion Remus feels about Peter and Dorcas is very palpable as well. “She was like air, refreshing and healthy. He was like fire, burning and consuming. Remus craved them both with equal strength and he couldn't make sense of it” - I absolutely love this line, it’s so powerful! I’m sure Dorcas is a lovely girl, but at this point, I’m very much rooting for Peter, I hope the boys will get their act together soon!
-Thank God they did! That also was a very sweet interaction; the hurt Peter feels after apparently having been rejected comes through very strongly, but he’s still so quick to defend Remus against his own accusations. It’s very clear he cares about Remus, and that they have a special bond. But peeking ahead at the coming chapter titles I’m assuming their happiness together won’t last very long :(
Julia!!! You've spoiled for the February Hufflepuff swap!!! Thank you so, so much for all your lovely reviews!!! (And I'm finally caught up with my replies!!! Sorry it took me so long...)
I love John Lupin! A lot! And yes, he and Remus are very close! :) I do believe that John was a very accepting person. After all, when your son is a werewolf, you kind of have to? And yes, Remus needs people to remind him that he is worthy and deserving of love, the poor guy... :( And yes, all the Greyback and Ministry thing aren't going to make Remus' life any easier... :(
I'm glad you liked the train scene, and learning a bit more about the other characters. I'm also so glad that you felt I had a good balance between showing and telling, since it's something I feel I struggle a lot with (and btw, I think you are very good at it yourself...)
Ah, Sirius and Regulus... yes, the situation is getting more and more serious (no pun intended) and right now they seem to be on opposing sides... but they still care a lot for each other... I only wish they would listen to each other more... :(
I'm so glad you liked the way I wrote Remus' confusion about Peter and Dorcas as well... I do love that line a lot, too... Remus has very strong feelings for Peter, but Dorcas is actually a better match for him... but no spoilers... sorry, I'll shut up now... *hides*
But yes, Peter and Remus are together now! :) And they do care a lot for each other and have a very strong bond! :) How's it going to develop from there? Guess you'll need to read on and find out... (although, yeah, it probably won't be pretty...)
Thank you so much for your wonderful review!!! <3 <3 <3
Here I am for our swap!
And I must say that you really broke my heart. It truly broke me to see Peter standing up for his friend, not quite knowing what’s going on, and then having Remus leave, even if it was for his own protection. Remus pushing him away, no doubt in an effort to protect him, but all the while saying how unfair it is, makes me really sad. Because he is right - it is truly unfair that he has to suffer this all, can’t find the affection he craves and then have people breaking promises all around him - something that must be quite something for him to wrap his head around, especially when it comes to stuff like first transformations and needing all the support he could possibly get.
Even still, the need to protect himself when he gets to go to Hogwarts, the overwhelmingness of it all, and still just hoping everything will go alright and the worry about people finding out just screams Remus to me. It’s really good how well you got him, even so young and in that chapter, his entire character just shining through and seemingly bursting from the page. It’s truly a testament to the fact that you’re one brilliant writer.
Having only read parts of Jimmy Portman myself (most likely rectifying this soon), I am really curious as to see how this will all go on, especially as it’s something from within the verse but can be read as a standalone too. This is definitely a story I need to come back to!
Really great job!
Ineke! :) Thank you so much for swapping and for stopping by here, and sorry it took me so long to reply...
Sorry for breaking your heart... my poor children... it is so hard for them both... Remus, having to deal with lycanthropy, scared of hurting the people he loves and scared of being abandoned by them... and Peter not quite knowing what is wrong with his friend and wanting to be there for them but being pushed away instead... :( It is so very unfair... and Remus' dad not being around for his first transformation... :(
I'm glad you felt I captured Remus well, though. Yes, it must be pretty overwhelming for him, the prospect of Hogwarts and worrying about all the things that could possibly go wrong... aww, you flatter me, thank you so much! <3
This is sort of a prequel for Jimmy Portman, but the two stories can be definitely read independently one from the other. I would love to see you back, either here or there! <3 <3 <3
Thank you so much for the lovely review!
I’m back with another review for the February swap :)
This chapter is really interesting! I like how Remus is initially a bit sceptical of James and Sirius, it’s different from any other marauders fics I’ve read – usually, they’re all fast friends – but it fits so well with how you’ve characterised him and his previous trauma of being abandoned by friends. And the way you link Remus’ subconscious doubts about them with the wolf is excellent, and how he begins to change his attitude once he realises the reason for disliking them!
Peter’s reaction to finding out about Remus’ lycanthropy is also very indicative of his character: Of course, he is loyal to his friends, and he does start to doubt what he’s been told about werewolves, but his first, immediate instinct is self-preservation, whether that means distancing himself from Remus or going along with James and Sirius.
I also like how you’ve illustrated the passage of time here; this chapter covers quite a long time, but you’ve picked some essential scenes to show how they’ve grown as friends, how they’ve learnt to predict each other’s reactions, and how the dynamics between them have evolved. His friends getting that sentimental gift for Peter’s birthday is a really good way of showing how they care about him, and the lengths they are willing to go for each other. I also really enjoyed the poetry draught prank!
The last scene is fantastic, too! Of course, Remus is close to panicking from worry, but Peter manages to calm him down even then. That little exchange is a great way of showing that their dynamic is about to change. The pronoun change from he to it after the transformation is really clever as well, it illustrates how there’s a discrepancy between Remus and the wolf, and – or that’s how I read it, anyway – that Remus hasn’t truly accepted the wolf as part of himself, but views it as something foreign, even if he was excited about the full moon for the first time before!
Thank you so much for coming back again!!!
I've always had the headcanon that Remus would be wary of James and Sirius at first, because they would enjoy pranking people and sometimes would cross the line a bit, and Remus would have had some experience with bullies... but he would warm to them once he realized they didn't really mean any harm. I've also always had the headcanon of Remus' subconscious been linked to the wolf... I'm glad you like my intrerpretation of it. :)
Peter has a strong sense of self-preservation. I did want to show it when his first thought was to abandon Remus, even if he immediately dismissed it.
Dealing with the time jumps and choosing what to show and what to skip has been one of the biggest struggles with this story, and I haven't always managed it perfectly, but I'm glad you felt it worked here. I'm glad you could get a sense of how their friendship developed through the years and how close they've got. I'm also glad you liked the chessboard bit and the rhyming prank! :D
Poor Remus, he's so terrified that something might go wrong... but yes, Peter manages to calm him down... although there's something else going on there... :P
I don't think Remus will ever fully accept the wolf as part of himself, it will always be something to fight against, something that takes away his humanity, I suppose...
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! <3
Chiara! Here for our swap!!
That first section, ahhhh, oh my goodness. That was so, so well written. From Remus's confusion to coming out to his dad to his dad's reaction... Chiara, I'm all choked up! I know it is such a beautiful moment, but the reader in me, who knows what's going to happen in the future, is yelling NOOOO! Not Peter!! (But still, incredible job at this, Chiara!)
And then you make matters even more complicated on the train back to Hogwarts! I immediately caught on to Remus sitting between Peter and Dorcas... and it was so interesting to see how torn he is over them both.
Sirius: you write him so well! His annoyance at Remus and Lily becoming prefects. His teasing of James liking Lily. His fury at Regulus. His determination to renounce his family's ways. I know that this chapter is meant to start Remus and Peter, but your Sirius is STUNNING. I love how true to himself he is throughout the chapter. And he handles Remus's coming out quite well, too.
Ahhh, I know I've already told you that you write children really well... but you also write teenagers so well! Everyone has crushes on everyone else... and they agonize and ignore and complain and argue... those hormones are quite troublesome, but you also make it so plain that they all care for each other immensely, and their friendship really shines through. Oh Chiara!!! This is just soooooo good!
And the ending: the big moment. They're together now! I know what happens to them in the future, but for right now, they can be a blissful teenage couple.
Well done, Chiara!!!
Abby!!! <3 <3 <3
I'm so glad you thought the first section was well written. I was very nervous when I first wrote/posted it, because I had never really wrote LGBT characters before... anyway, I'm so glad you liked Remus coming out to his dad and John's reaction... John is the best, btw. And yes, I know you don't approve of Remus' crush on Peter... I'm sorry... (or maybe I'm not)
Poor Remus, so torn between the two of them... it's all so confusing for him, my poor child... :/
I love Sirius! I mean, he has his flaws, but he's also such a loyal friend and so true to his values! I'm glad you thought I portayed him well, too! :)
Aww... you flatter me... *blushes* I'm so glad you think I can write teenagers well! <3
They are together now! And they are going to be happy, at least for a little while! <3
Thank you so much for your wonderful review! You are the best! <3 <3 <3
I’m back for Chapter Two!
I really like how we get to know everyone better, especially how we get more insight into Peter’s character. Clearly, he’s not quite sure who he really is by himself yet – but after all, he is only eleven – and seems he bases much of his identity on other people, how he perceives them, and how he is perceived by them. You make it very clear that he’s still hurt by Remus’ leaving, but he’s willing to forget about that because their friendship is that important to him. I also noticed that although he doesn’t believe Remus’ excuses about his Mum, he doesn’t push him on it. I think he wants to find out by himself, and with Peter as observant as you show him to be, that’s only a matter of time. Giving us a glimpse into everybody else’s characters and their dynamics through Peter’s eyes is also a brilliant way to establish him as a clever, sharp-eyed boy. The little details in particular, like how the girls take their tea, or his teachers’ habits are great here! I also like the little glance we get of James and Sirius; with Remus gone a couple of days a month, he’s bound to feel lonely, so it’s only natural he should seek their friendship.
I’m repeating myself, but the characterisation in this chapter really is excellent!
Welcome back again! :D
I think that's Peter's main problem, actually. He bases his identity too much on other people... his main driving forces are either vengeance ot the need to please the people around him, which will be the cause of his downfall in the long run (or at least, that's my way of seeing it... also, hope this isn't too spoilery...)
Yes, Peter is still hurt by Remus' leaving... but he does forgive him (well, sort of) because he doesn't want to renounce their friendship. And yes, he doesn't believe Remus' excuses but he's not pushing him too much right now (when and how he'll find out the truth, you will see in the next chapter... actually, you have already... :P)
I'm glad you liked Peter's observations about everyone else, too. I'm glad you liked the small details, and also Peter's observant nature. And yes, he would seek James and Sirius' friendship, with Remus disappearing so often. I guess it would get lonely with only Remus as a friend...
Thank you for another awesome review! <3