Sorry for the very late award review (2/5). Though I've read this chapter before, I couldn't find a chance to drop my thought on this.
So, I was impressed by your angst free story, Harry Potter was very angsty character, you know? I enjoyed your very bright mood. The protagonist seems to be often embarassed by her friends incluging Freddie or James Potter, and they have angst-less life so far (except the nudie happening, hahaha).
The cheerful mood was written along with the wedding event and even chaos looks funny or fun without Voldemort or the dark magic. So yellow or golden happy atmosphere is the source of the party-ish chapter, which I felt the most. No mystery, no stressful daily life Harry Potter used to be engaged in. I think you created totally stress-free story and it's unique that the story was told from the female protagonist's POV J.K.Rowling didn't try.
I'll be back!
Hi again, Tasha!
Ah, so much happened in this chapter and you've left me wanting to know more very soon - does this mean I can pester you for updates now? :P
Jess really is so oblivious, isn't she? I won't lie, I kind of love it. It's making reading the whole fake date even more fun. James might claim that he's pulling all of his best moves on her and be pretending to swagger around confidently, but I get the feeling he actually does like her and he's trying to test the waters and see whether she might feel the same about him. Don't think that I didn't spot that little kiss on the forehead when Jess just assumed that there was someone they knew around - I don't believe that one bit. James is just affectionate because he actually likes her.
George is one of my favourites, so it was great to see him in this chapter, too! Although after the banter about the love potions, he brought some much more serious news. Padma's gone missing? I'm so curious and intrigued about what's happening here, and the way that you introduced that plotline was really clever. I can't wait to learn more about what's going on with the disappearances - no wonder Harry's too busy to make it to Hogsmeade to see his kids, and no wonder that James is so worried about him if all this is going on.
Well, I'm not a fan of Mark (surprise, surprise - I'm firmly on Team James here) and I got a bit annoyed at him for disrupting Jess's solo flying moment, especially because he could only greet her with petty criticism that was completely unnecessary. I think that maybe Jess is clinging onto more of an ideal of their relationship, rather than what it actually was - the fact that Mark's behaving like this towards doesn't fill me with confidence that he was a great boyfriend, really. I can't quite tell whether it's his ego that's bruised or whether he is genuinely upset to see Jess with James. Even if he wasn't a great boyfriend, I'm going to credit him and say he might have some feelings and the latter is possible. Aren't I being generous?
And the final scene was so cute! Jess going to find James and then the ramped up flirting - I think the ending of this chapter was probably the first moment that Jess has actually let herself consider kissing James or doing anything relationship-y that's not for show in front of other people. (Also, while I remember - those notes are kind of terrifying, it's not surprising that James wants to get away from it all!). But of course that had to be interrupted - and by Melody, of all people! I had a feeling that her and Aiden's pact to just stay friends wouldn't last very long and - well, they weren't exactly successful, were they?
I'm going to pester/encourage you for updates now!
Hi Tasha! How didn't I realise that you'd updated this story??
I'm so glad to get back to Jess and James again! I'm really enjoying the way that you're acknowledging the tropes and clichés in this story and making them your own as you write - and despite the fact that you're weaving all these clichés into the story, I feel like I don't know what to expect in each chapter and you still manage to surprise me, which is great.
Ah, I'm so glad that we got the beginning of this chapter and got to see Jess and Aiden talking to each other again properly. Even if there's bound to be tension between twins (after all, it's rare that there isn't tension and conflict between siblings of similar ages, let alone the exact same age), I'm glad they're getting on and we got to see a bit more of the way they work together, too. The differences between them were really interesting - especially with the way that Jess is the one narrating them, so we're seeing differences that she feels but that wouldn't necessarily be obvious to other people.
Can I also say I kind of love that Jess finds most of the academic subjects difficult? That's not to say I like the fact that she struggles with them, but I think it's so believable and realistic to have a protagonist who isn't good at everything, and I think that's rarer than it should be in fic.
Oh my goodness, I'm surprised that Albus lasted as long as he did with Rose and Scorpius getting into that PDA right next to him - he definitely has more restraint than I do! And what exactly happened at the Ministry ball over the summer? I need to find that out sometime in the near future, please - I'm so curious about it now!
The Transfiguration class was really fun to read, and I thought all the different transformations that the class performed on each other were so fun and creative. Although the elephant trunk courtesy of the ex-girlfriend is less than ideal. Jess really made me laugh that she wanted to know the theory behind the magic ahead of anything else.
So Jess is definitely starting to like James, even if she doesn't realise it or want to admit it to herself just yet. The fact that she kept darting glances over to see what he was doing with his ex-girlfriend during class might be the behaviour you'd expect from a new girlfriend, but Jess isn't that good an actor - there's no way she'd be doing that if she didn't also have feelings for James. And I think that he has feelings for her, too. At the very least, he's going out of his way to spend more time with her, beyond the facade of the two of them just dating, and the final scene was really sweet. I'm looking forward to seeing more of these two together!
I really do look forward to everytime a chapter of this comes out because it's such a fun story. I'm obsessed with Jess/James chemistry, It's so bloody adorable. Jess is such a sass queen and I'm totally here for it. your dialogue is always so good, there seems to so much flirty subtext to their interaction and I'm here for it!
James isn't as smooth as he thinks but I really do love him. There are so many James in fics but I feel like I'm kinda falling for him the most. He is so confident but he is also really silly and a laugh. I think Jess is very sarcastic so I think he could help teach jess to perhaps take herself less seriously in a way. (Jess isn't uptight or anything) but I think there are things that she could learn for James.
I don't understand why Jess still wants Mark when she could have yummy James? I guess she doesn't quite feel that about James yet or at least she hasn't realized it yet. I think her stubbornness is probably going to get in the way of her getting to the point when she full ready to accept that she is a walking cliche and that she can do better than Mark. I don't think that Mark seems to care that much about Jess or at least not about her feelings but more about his ego. I'm not a fan but I'm a huge 'Penny' (Potter+Kenny!) fan? So I'm probably hella biased about that. haha.
I always look forward to seeing this story updated about it's so much fun. I'm always laughing at the antics in the story. I adore how relatable Jess too. I'ts one of my favourite stories around.
Tasha! Hi! It's me! Again! Hope you don't mind!
AHHHH, THEY HAVE THEIR FIRST (FAKE) DATE! I'm squealing for joy, literally. And totally am bright eyed at how it wasn't a complete disaster and their chemistry and their cuteness and also how everything is so close to falling into one giant and tangled mess!
Let me straighten out my thoughts a bit, because there's a lot to dissect here.
The banter between Jess and James is adorable. If they weren't so into each other, I think they'd put each other off by some of their words. But clearly, this tug and pull in their flirting is building to this delightfully suspenseful tension. Of course, I can totally see through James here. He's TOTALLY fishing to see if Jess actually likes him. "Would you date me then?" and "that Ravenclaw loser" are only two examples of how he's testing the waters. Jess, in her comfort zone of shooting him down to keep up the banter, is rather oblivious about that. (Until the end, but more on that in a bit).
And then we get some classic embarrassing Uncle action with George, yay! And then the torment from Freddie as well. :) I really liked this father-son interaction; in so few words, you painted a complex relationship between the two of them. I hope to see more of that relationship in future chapters!
But then you kind of drop a bombshell. A MISSING REPORTER?!?! NOT GOOD, TASHA, NOT GOOD! What's going on? Why is there a darkness brewing in the background of this fluffy teenage romance? What happened to Padma?! I want answers!!! Give me a hint, please!
And then... Jess goes flying. I enjoyed this moment of solitude for her. She really, really needs it. But then of course you have "that loser Ravenclaw" show up. UGH! I am so furious at him. How DARE he want to be friends and then confess that he's uncomfortable with Jess's relationship with James. YOU ENDED THINGS WITH JESS, MARK! You have NO RIGHT to demand anything from her! Especially concerning people she's dating! I wanted to hex him. Actually, I still do.
But then what does Jess do? She seeks out James!!! YES! Finally! You got my hopes up really, really high with her FLYING to his ROOM (tres romantique)! And they're heavily flirting (and James does NOT want to end things with Jess now... and I don't think he wants to end things with her anytime soon, either). And then they get so, so close to kissing.... only for Melody to walk in on them. NOOOOO. Tasha, NOOOOOO!
Lololol, clearly, my emotional reactions indicate the quality of your writing because I am so invested in this fun story and I want answers to the mysteries and I want Jess and James to confess their true feelings for each other and maybe defintely kiss.
Please hurry in writing the next chapter! Looking forward to reading it!
it's great to see this story and i love jess more than ever. I love your characters and the strength of the characters really comes from their dialogue between each other. I really like Jess's relationship with her brother, Aidan. I thought it was really refreshing to have quite a good relationship between the siblings but there is quite a lot of banter between the two. I'm glad that he said sorry to her for what happened. I find their relationship as a sibling bond to be quite believeable.
I love the pacing how you're building up that relationship/tension between 'jessie' and james. I think they're really good for each other. their interaction are always fun and quite flirty.
"As if," I said, nudging him with my hip and getting in line. "I get to see you naked, remember." heheh.
I love how your story really does build on the trope but it feels like fresh and interesting. you do them well. I think this story really has a big sense of fun about it which I really appreciate. I've always loved the tone of it which I think it works so well. I love the section when they are using transfiguration spells against each other. I think you've balanced this sillyness/fun against the more serious tones within the story. I hope this story doesn't lose it's sillyness because it's a big asset in my opinion.
the last section is so perfect with jess/james. I think your dialogue is amazing and you've showed off James more caring side that he stayed with her. I think that emotion bond has really developed within this chapter as he has shown her the cloak too. I did giggle at madam bones was being so gossipy!
I saw Abby mention it but I love the name of the chapter title ties with an elephant truck and not a wooden trunk as we may have assumed!
I'm so glad this story and you are back!
TASHA YOU'RE BACK! Which means that we get more of this hysterically delightful story! Eeeeeeee!
I love your chapter title: The One with the Trunk. Since we're in the Harry Potter universe, we're meant to assume that you mean a trunk into which one packs items. At least, that's what I thought upon intitally starting the chapter. But then you turn that expectation on its head and come up with some marvellously funny human transfiguration mishaps (and one concerning one that ~actually~ involves the title of the chapter).
Ahh, the throes of young love in the shape of Rose and Scorpius sucking each other's faces off in public... I'm dying to know what happened at the Summer Ball, and I "demand" that you eventually reveal that to the reader because you've officially dangled the carrot, lol.
The whole Melody and Aiden drama seems to be stable... for now. I'm sure that will come up again. But what I really want to focus on is the building tension between James and Jessie. First, their chemsitry is amazing (kudos for you). Second, I love how Jessie totally likes him and she doesn't yet know it. From being mildly annoyed at the attention he gets from other girls to the way he helps her with homework.... someone is in serious like--and the feeling is mutual! I know that James is jokingly saying these things that he and Jessie will get up to as a couple, but deep down, I know that's what James want. I think he might suspect a little bit that he likes her, but I also think he's too much of a prat (as most teenagers are) to be at a point where he can productively articulate his feelings. I can't want for this to become a hotter mess, lol. I love your characters dearly, but you're definitely teasing for some more shenanigans ahead!
My favorite part of the chapter is James revealing the Invisibility Cloak to Jessie. You ~may~ know why I am keen on next generation/Deathly Hallows adventures, lol, but it's really touching to see James trust Jessie with this knowledge and for them to spend this intimate moment together.
I loved reading this chapter, and I hope there's another one soon! :D
Hi! I came back for the award review.
This story is written from the first person's POV. It's different from your dragon's tale which was written from the third person's POV. I wonder if you changed your writing style.
The protagonist's mother had sixth or seventh weddings already. I feel for her who had experienced so many parties in which her mother's ex-husband's relatives gathered around. Sounds so complicated.
It's also unique that most of the story is made up by its dialogues and the protagonist's mind movement.
Yet you let the HP next generations involved, the readers who favorite the next gen stories will be happy to read this. It has James Potter or Fred II as well. You even let Harry Potter enter along with Ginny.
The plot is interesting, the protagonist's brother had a good time with his girlfriend and the part of their clothes had gone with their relatives' belongings. Sounds funny and there would be a lot of troubles, mostly the embarassing ones, we can guess. They are not mystery nor adventure, but we can guess much more intriguing episodes coming soon.
(2 /5 )
Hi Tasha! Sneaking this in as a last-minute review for March RvG! (It’s not really last minute as I’m starting it four days before the deadline, but knowing my reviewing speed, I might very well be pushing it by the time I actually finish this thing.)
Jess really is in such a tricky situation between Melody and Aiden, because she’s obviously got loyalties on both sides and it’s clear to her that the relationship between the two of them isn’t really a good one. And then she only heard about the drama and the worst of it from both of them, which is going to colour her opinion of them even more. So I can definitely sympathise with her desire to stay out of things and not make things worse on either side - not telling Melody was kind of bad, but telling her would’ve probably been just as bad.
James is such an arse in the broom closet, but like, in a lovable arse kind of way. Like, his comments about a “conflict of interest” and “never had you down as the nail polish type” and “I’m dead good and don’t want to have to tell Aiden I took your virginity” (but also on this one.... foreshadowing? wink wink) are all such smartass comments, but like, in a good way? He’s also really weirdly good at this fake dating thing - I gotta hand it to him, I’m impressed with all the ways he’s thought through making this the most visible possible spectacle for all the people involved.
Oh jeez, that rumour went downhill fast. And of course Jess got the worst of it - gotta love the patriarchical ideals that mean we look down on women for engaging in sexual acts but praise men for it!! It’s annoying but highly realistic. And I adore Melody for so quickly and perfectly coming to Jess’ defense - good, supportive female friendships in fics make me really, really happy. But also, go Jess for handling it without starting a fight and for shutting things down so effectively.
I’m glad James was at least somewhat sympathetic, but also YIKES to the fact that Beth managed to get a note under James’ pillow. *That’s* creepy, and I can definitely get why he’s still wanting to stay with Jess to get her to leave him alone. And ahhhhhh yessss rowdy drunken teenagers making questionable decisions, my fave - I’m excited for that.
Another lovely chapter!!
This story continues to be just wonderful.
This chapter had a great mix of characters. I love the development between Melody and Jess. I thought they have a great chemistry but you did something really interesting at exploring the complication between the two girls as Melody likes Aiden. I do like how Melody does get it that it's something Jess struggles with. I'm hoping to see some more development between Aiden and Melody. I want to ship this but I really have to know Aiden will be good for her. they're awesome characters in their own right.
I love how the story just does what it says 'walking cliche' is just a good description. I love how you're introducing these tropes as you go. I love that twist that they're in the broom closest but not doing anything. I thought there was some interesting discussion that James notices that Jess likes Quidditch but is doing something 'girly' that's a kinda trope that I don't like that girls are 'different' because they don't like make up. HELLO. girls can be crazy sports nut but have good hair at the same time. I really liked how you killed that trope because in my opinion it needs to die.
Jess's characterisation is something that really stands out about your story is that she's so realistic. She is that likeable character who kinda thinks that type of stuff we all do especially around their discussions about sex. I feel that was very real and kinda captures what it is like to be a teenager.
I can't wait for party trope galore in the next chapter! amazing job as always! I'm also enjoying the 'friends' style chapter titles.
- Abbi xo
RvG - March
I'm here to review for RvG. woo.
So I said in the last chapter that I really Jess. I think this chapter has just confirmed that for me. She has some great quotable moment in this chapter which I just love. I think my favourite was this - . "And if you even suggest snogging again, you'll be wearing this coffee." - It just made me chuckle and I think it shows Jess's personality.
I think Jess in is trouble because James is so just charming and I think you've made him so endearing especially the thing about his family. I think I can feel myself falling in love with him. She is just wonderful, I think you've hit lovely balance with him. I can't believe he decided that he would just start telling that they had been snogging. It cracked me up but it shows a nice confidence streak to him but he doesn't come across as too arrogant.
Mark sounds like a right wally. I think I'm going to enjoy seeing him getting annoyed. I think the Quidditch thread is going to be interesting in this story. She is going to have to work with Mark and against James so there is so much potential for drama and fun there. Something for Jess and James to bond over too, I think I'm still thinking on a celebrity couple for them. Jemes or Jass?
I feel you've done a great job with the set up, it is really engaging even though you've just started to get into the story but I feel just so excited by all this story. It promises to be so much fun. I feel really invested in your main ship. I can't wait to read more!
- Abbi xo
TASHA! I've been meaning to get to this chapter to review, and I'm thrilled that I finally am doing it! (Here for RvG as well, yada yada yada)
This story gets more and more hysterical as it goes on.
Aiden and Melody: I ship them, I really do. They would be perfect for the "best mates of the main couple are soulmates" cliche. ;) But it also seems like they BOTH have some growing up to do. Even though they are more supporting characters than main, you have given them such life and personality and I love it! I cannot wait to see how you have them develop.
The Broomcloset: AHAHAHAHAHA. Well, at least for the majority of the time (I'll get to the consequences later). This is probably one of the most popular cliches out there and you NAILED IT. The humor, the chemistry, the tension, it was perfect! I laughed at a lot of their banter and at everyone's reactoins when Jess and James are discovered. You have a knack for writing humor!
The Consequences: AGAIN, YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. Not only do you have this AWESOME female-female friendship, you also have the pettiness and cattiness of teenagers on full display (notice how I didn't say teenage girls because boys can be just as petty and petty--looking at YOU, Holt). It makes me mad that even though it took two to tango, Jess is the one called a slag and James gets away mark free (well, he DOES have a Mark against him... ahaha lame pun, I know, lololol).
So even though I'm mad at the patriarchy because Jess gets the negative end of things, you make it better when Jess confronts James about it AND THEY BOTH AGREE TO CHANGE THEIR STRATEGY. James listens to Jess, takes her experience as it is... I know the ship has sailed for Jess/James before, BUT I love them as a couple so much. I love this postiive masculinity, proper support, their deepening friendship, Jess's strength in opening up to James about it, James's listening abilities. AHHHHHHH.
Even though this fic is meant to be riddled in cliches, you are also deconstructing a lot of toxic behaviors and normalizing positive ones. TASHA I LOVE IT!!!
I've been meaning to get my teeth into this story properly for ages considering how much I enjoyed the first chapter. I thought RvG was a good chance to get stuck in.
I really liked this chapter too!
I really like your OC, Jess. She is really great because I feel like she is quite a layered character already as she is coming across as pretty tough and spunky but I've put her in this dramatic situation. You write her vulnerable side as being very realistic tbh. She isn't quite thinking too clear, her actions aren't really portraying her in a great light but I think we all do things when we are hurting. I feel like that's really important. You've got quite a good base to get in lots of character development for Jess. I think she has a really strong inner monologue to the audience as you've got her personality voice down nicely. I can't wait to see more of her.
I can't resist a bit of cheeky James and I think you've created a really cute and fun character here. It's quite difficult to balance out James to make the character unique but I like what you've done with him so far. I can't wait to see where you're going to take his character. I'm really excited about getting to know James over the course of this story.
I think what I like so much about this story is the element of humour that you've got running through out the story too. You've got a lot of drama stuff going on but at the moment - it's very upbeat story. I think that sense of fun is great for carrying the story forwards as to me it makes it really readable and addictive. The dialogue was fantastic and the scene especially with Jess and James really popped/bounced along. I think you shown hints of some great chemistry between the two.
I think it's such a strong start for a really fun story. I love fake dating trope so it'll be a wild ride but I'm excited to be a long for the ride!
- Abbi xo
Hi Tasha! Here for February's RvG.
Ooh, things are really starting to get interesting here! I know this story's called A Walking Cliché (and who doesn't love a good fake-dating story) but I liked the way that you twisted the broom cupboard cliché in this chapter and gave it a different spin here. It's interesting to see the characters playing up to the clichés that they know exist and the things that people around them would expect of a couple to try and maintain the fake-dating-is-real-dating illusion.
I felt sorry for Jess at the start of this chapter - one of the difficulties (for everyone remotely involved) is the split in friendship groups when a couple breaks up, so I'm glad that she's got some other friends that she can rely on and spend time with while she's going through the split. I think that it's a mark of the quality of friends that the ones who seem to be choosing Mark over her are taking sides and leaving her out, though - it hurts now but I'm sure it'll be better for her in the long run.
I think my favourite part about this chapter was the insight into the friendship between Jess and Melody that we got to see, especially with the hints at the history and similarites/differences between them and the awkward issue of Aiden. I completely understand why Jess wouldn't have said something to Melody about the wedding, because she's in a really awkward position with divided loyalties - it's easier for her to stay out of it completely but of course that's difficult for Melody, too, not being able to talk to her best friend about the (semi?) relationship while Aiden has other people to talk to.
Of course, the broom cupboard cliché was brilliant - instead of what people think it is, it's actually just Jess and James having a conversation and sitting in the dark to make people think they're dating. It made me kind of mad that the rumours already going round are putting so much emphasis on Jess being the one caught (but now is not the time to go on a feminist rant) but it was great to see Melody standing up for her best friend, despite how upset she was over Aiden. That's the mark of true friendship!
The ending was really interesting - I definitely think that they escalated things pretty quickly, but I can understand why James is doing it if he's getting notes like that from Beth - I think I'd be tempted to tell my Head of House that she was sneaking things like that into my dormitory! Having said that, I'm not sure that their agreement to tone things down a little bit is going to play out the way they're thinking it will if we've got a party coming up, though...
Hiya Tasha! I’m back for the next chapter of this story!
So James is relentless in his pursuit to get Jess to agree with this plan of his - seems to me like he’s possibly already got ulterior motives for choosing this particular girl as his fake girlfriend already? ;) I also find it hilarious that he’s already cleared this with Aiden - and I think it’s so funny how some friend groups have established “codes” and some don’t, because with my friend group in college it was the other way around from this - the girls had an established code and it was basically a free-for-all with the guys, lol. And something happened where I was like “don’t you all have some sort of rule against this?” and they were SO confused by the concept. Anyways, I’ve gone off on a tangent so I should probably hop back on track sometime soon.
The fact that James has already started the rumours before even getting Jess to agree with the idea definitely says something about him - he’s a bit reckless and overly confident, because that definitely could’ve backfired if she didn’t go along with it. And of course, Melody shows up as the voice of reason…. and is almost immediately ignored, because what fun is logic when the alternative is a fake relationship? ;) (I am disastrously overusing winky faces in this review I am so sorry lol)
I get the feeling the Quidditch commonality is definitely going to become a bigger thing that ties them together as the story goes on - and for all that Jess says that’s their only similarity, I think it probably goes beyond that as well. I mean, she agreed to his fake dating idea just to get her boyfriend back, which, imo, definitely fits into a bit of that recklessness/impulsiveness I mentioned about James in the last chapter. And ooh, a murder?? Is that going to become relevant at some point too? I love a good murder sub-plot, hehe.
"You don't know anything about women do you?" "I think the fact we are in this situation makes that clear, though I'd rather you didn't mention that to anyone else. I do have a charming reputation to uphold." Lol at least James is somewhat self-aware.
But ooooooooooh, steamy locker room makeout sesh!!! Or, at least, fake makeout sesh. Although I have to say, if James was able to think that one up that quickly, I feel like it definitely means he’s thought about that one before, haha. But it seemed to do its job and make Mark jealous (although I’ve seen nothing that makes me root for that to happen, if we’re being honest), so one point for James? Also Rach is clearly one of those annoying holier-than-thou type of people, so honestly ten points to Jess for putting up with absolutely none of her shit.
Lovely chapter, and I’m already excited for more!
Written for the Magical Menagerie and January RvG
Hi again! Here for RvG and the Menagerie.
Woo, I'm up to date! Things are certainly moving quite quickly in this story and you're managing to pack a lot into each chapter, but it doesn't feel like there's too much at any point. I really like the way that we're getting to know both Jess and James better here, too.
I do feel sorry for Jess and the fact that she wants to get back with Mark - I can't really quite understand why at the moment, probably because we haven't seen any of the sweet things that he presumably has done when they were together. She's not necessarily going about it in the best way, so I can see why James's plan would have some appeal for her - and the fact that he's scheduling the emergency practice at the end of this chapter would definitely suggest that it's starting to work.
James was a bit out of line already telling people that they were getting together before she'd even agreed to the plan, but I kind of have to admire his courage in that :P And the little cameos and mentions of Aiden and Freddie in this chapter definitely made me laugh.
They've set down provisional ground rules here but I think Melody's right - I'm not sure how long they're going to work for, especially as the two of them get to know each other better. They're already sharing certain things which are making them more attractive to the other without even knowing it.
I love the idea that the Potters come and meet up with their children on Hogsmeade weekends! It's so unfair that the kids don't get to see their parents all term, usually, and I can definitely imagine Harry and Ginny being the sort of parents who'd want to put that focus on family. Harry especially, since he grew up without a family.
I'm so intrigued as to what exactly happened when James ended his relationship with Beth. It certainly doesn't sound like it went well, but there's got to be more that he's holding back on at the moment that we'll find out in future chapters.
And the plan is starting to work! I'm a bit worried about how it's going to affect not only her relationship with Mark, but with the team as a whole - Rachel already seems to have problems with it, and I'm sure she won't be the only one if they follow Mark's lead on this. There's potential for plenty of drama coming up, and I'm really looking forward to reading it!
Hi again! Here for RvG and the Magical Menagerie.
Ah, I feel really sorry for Jess in this chapter - she's definitely having a hard time of it at the moment, isn't she? While I'm glad that she made it back to Hogwarts (and that her new stepdad reacted much better to the magical news than her previous one did, thank goodness), it's still can't be easy not to have your mum on hand when stuff like this is going on.
I kind of got a bad feeling about her boyfriend in the last chapter - and I guess that was kind of deliberate because he wasn't there and we didn't learn too much about him - but to be honest I'm not sure I want to learn that much more about him now. I obviously don't think that her reaction was necessarily fair (although it seems that Jess definitely has a bit of a temper - I wonder why she punched James last year?), but Mark isn't particularly nice to her. Breaking up with someone in a Quidditch match in front of the whole school is not an acceptable thing to do - and Quidditch practices are definitely going to become more awkward in the future, I think.
But I did feel sorry for Jess here - even though I think she'll eventually grow to realise that she's not missing out on anything and she's better off without Mark (I mean, he's moved on quickly enough already), it's obviously going to take some time to get used to a relationship being over and seeing that person all the time without meaning the same to each other as you used to. Her friends were great in this chapter, though - I really like Melody - and I think their advice is definitely good. Everyone needs girlfriends like these to bolster them.
And here comes the fake-dating plan! I shouldn't have found James being slipped a love potion quite as amusing as I did, but it was entertaining to read, though I feel quite sorry for him not knowing who did it and now being pursued by Beth. I don't think it's going to take Jess too long to agree to his fake-dating plan, and I'm looking forward to seeing all the different chaos and adventures that sparks!
Hi Tasha! Here for RvG and the Magical Menagerie.
I'm excited to get a chance to finally read this story. I have a soft spot for fake dating fics, but it's been such a long time since I read one that it's great to start with yours!
I really liked the way that you plunged us straight into the action in this story, and we got to know the characters from everything that was going on around them. Jess seems really fun, but I do feel sorry for her in this chapter as she's got a lot to deal with - only having your brother's friends to sympathise with when your mum is getting married - again (how many times is it now?) - and then finding out from your new stepdad's speech that your family is supposedly moving to Washington at the end of the next month and your mum hasn't even bothered to tell you about it. That's a LOT to process at the same time that you're meant to be behaving yourself at your mum's wedding.
The way that you focused on the difficulties of blending the magical and Muggle worlds in this wedding was so interesting. I think even when there are marriages between witches/wizards and Muggles in fic, the actual wedding itself and the practicalities of it seem to be ignored or avoided, and you definitely didn't do that here. To be honest, I was quite impressed with Jess for keeping her cool and not letting anything slip when she was confronted with that news.
I don't think much of her mum here so far - the end of the last marriage sounds horrendous, and I can maybe understand why that would put her off telling her next husband about the fact that she's a witch, but even so, how does she expect her children to live without their stepdad noticing any of that?
Freddie was such a laugh in this chapter, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of him. I don't think he'll let Aiden recover from his embarrassment any time soon!
Hey Tasha! Here for the Magical Menagerie and for RvG!
I am so stoked that you updated this fic! And this chapter is everything that I had hoped it would be: so much snark and sass and chemistry and DRAMA. It's amazing that you're able to weave so many complexities into one chapter.
This review has turned into everything that is wrong with your characters. HEAR ME OUT, because there is a lot of gushing over flaws!!!
Jess is such a gem. She is witty and funny--the complete package! Despite involving lots of cliches in this fic, you give your awesome OC FLAWS. She does not listen to Melody, who acts as the brilliant voice of reason. She lashes out at James and Aidan. She is not very cunning when it comes to trying to make Mark jealous (Thank Merlin she has James). But she is so endearing and amazing. I can relate well to her when she is just trying to figure out her life and to find a way to cope with it all. I love reading her voice. I laugh out loud in every chapter.
James is an absolute sweetheart! And devilishly sly. He spread rumors before Jess even agreed to be his fake girlfriend? YIKES. He's a risk taker, but also, that is rather inconsiderate and arrogant of him. Again, you have some great flaws for our leading man. Despite his inconsideration and arrogance, you can't help but root for him, you WANT Jess to agree to pretend to go out with him. Their chemistry is THROUGH THE ROOF. I'm not sure how much of a slow burn you want this to be, but they're moving at the the speed of light here, lol.
I know that you're highlighting a lot of cliches in this fic, but I am having so much fun reading this. I can tell a lot of time is spent combing through the finer details, which only enhances this adorable plot. I cannot wait for the next chapter and then the one after that and so on!
Hey Again Tasha!
I adored this chapter. I particularly love when there are Quidditch crazed character in fics, so this seems right up my alley. I especially love when teams have female beaters. I don't know why... Female empowerment maybe? Though, I must say, I do not condone violence to solve your problems, no matter how deserving Mark Holt is.
Still, I thought it was a great way to initiate a scene with James. But poor James, getting spiked with a potent love potion, then receiving detention? You'd think he might get a reprieve, haha. And then to basically having a stalker? He's really not having a good time of it, is he?
I can't wait to see Jess cave though and agree to fake-date James (and potentially fall for him?). I reckon we'll be in for a laugh, that's for sure.
Thanks for the chapter, on to the next.
Jess’ mother certainly seems to have a type, doesn’t she? I wonder if, after seeing her mother marry so many times, Jess has become cynical about love. It would not surprise me in the slightest if that was the case.
Oh, Jess and Aiden are twins? I wasn’t expecting that. Aiden seemed a bit older and mature… That is until the whole Nikki fiasco. That girl truly does seem like a piece of work, though kind of justifiable when someone walks in one you in that sort of… predicament?
And Jez seemed okay to begin with, but announcing something like that publicly, and before breaking it to Jess and Aiden first was definitely the wrong move to make. It was pretty inconsiderate to be honest, and he should feel bad. But does this mean that they’ll get pulled from Hogwarts? I’m hoping not, as it would be counter-productive to what I’m (hoping) is a James II/OC or Fred/OC slow burn (early days yet, but one can hope)
Thanks for the read, one to the next chapter.
"I am, today, contemplating chucking myself off the Ravenclaw Tower so I can come back and haunt any adolescent male who dares to breathe. It would be a perfect way to execute my idea that the male species need to crawl under a rock and die a very painful and slow death." -- This may be the most relatable thing I have ever read. It is actually such a mood.
Hi Tasha! I'm back again for another review! <3
So, I was wrong. She's a Ravenclaw! The opening here was AMAZING!
I have been trying to come up with a archive-appropriate way of describing Mark Holt for the last five minutes and honestly, I can't. Every way of describing that boy that I can currently think of would get me into trouble so I'll leave it up to your imagination.
The public setting must have been horrid, and I really feel for jess here. She's been having a rough time in our opening chapters, hasn't she! She seems really strong though, a little bit grumpy with a bit of a chip on her shoulder but that is slightly understandable. Though the talk of love potions has me wanting to shake her!! Like girl, she can do way better than pinning after a guy who dumped her mid match! Her love of quidditch though, it's so far been the one thing that she is truly passionate about and I love it! It brings her character to life and gives her some real depth and is also a possible point of a connection with James? Maybe...
Speaking of James, the way you've written him here is amazing. If there's one character who would sign love songs and basically propose on top of the breakfast table it would be James Sirius Potter! Both he and Jess's grumpy as hell reaction were brilliant in this scene! Also the fact he was slipped a love potion just makes this so so much funnier!
Now, onto the meat of this chapter. The scene in detention was fun they've got some great chemistry when they stop annoying each other and James seems to like her (possible marauders map stalking going on there? Maybe he's got a little crush?) a lot more than she likes him. Then we have the next scene and YES!!! FAKE DATING IS GO PEOPLE!! Well... Nearly. James is being a bit of a twat about the whole girl thing and Jess said no at the moment but we ALL KNOW THATS GONA CHANGE!!
Really well written chapter, some great characters you're building ehre with a lot of potential for drama! You need to update this soon because I am officially invested now!
All my love,
(Team Leucrocota an January RvG)
Hi Tasha!! I'm finally here to have a look at this fic and oh my gosh I love it so far! Fake dating is like my all time favourite trope and I love a good next gen and JSP/OC stories are my absolute LOVE so from the summary I am SO here for this!
Your introduction to Jess and her situation at the moment was really strong. Her mum, the mystery boyfriend who's going to be Head Boy (a far cry from James lol), Aiden and of course Jez/the stepdads situation must all be a lot for her to handle but she holds her own so well. She seems like she's got a lot of sass and certainly has a bit of an attitude but I still, maybe reluctantly, really like her. We don't know a lot about her yet but by the way she deals with the boys and that she clearly has a problem with her brother and her friends yet at the same time she doesn't seem to mind them that much (her scenes with Freddie were so funny) I'm thinking she may be a Gryffindor? (I could be totally wrong here!)
Since this is a James/OC story I feel like I should comment on what we know so far. I liked his introduction, he's a flirt and a bit of a nightmare and very much the ‘lad' that he is often portrayed as. He and Jess don't get on that well at the moment so I cannot wait to see how this goes. There is a lot of room for growth there that I'm sure you'll get into. Also the fact that he puked on Ginny is AMAZING! Just very very him. I can tell I'm going to love whatever you do with his character.
The Washington bombshell was a bit of a huge moment for Jess, with a lot going on and a muggle stepdad involved i can only imagine that it must be so difficult. Having as much change and uncertainty in your life as the twins seem to have must be hard but the possibility of moving schools/ country as well has clearly affected them both super badly.
Great opening chapter, you've set off a lot of interesting storylines and have be thoroughly intrigued! I will be back for more!
PS. I did a whole review without mentioning the absolute five star comedy that that scene with Aiden and Nikki and Freddie. Just... Oh my god I died. It was incredible.
(Review left for Team Leucrocota and for January RvG)
Tasha! Here for January RvG (Go Gold) and Magical Menagerie! And for the story, of course!
This chapter was incredibly well written! I like how it starts off as a Greek drama (where the action happens "off stage" and it's reflected upon "on stage"). I'm talking about Mark's break up with Jess here. Instead of writing it out as the action, Jess has a wonderfully written inner monologue about what happened--and her personality truly shines here. In chapter one, she's stressed about her mother's wedding and her brother's shenanigans, and here, she has the space to freak out about her own life--and it's not looking very pretty. I think you execute the writing well here: we get to see how Jess's inner mind works, her passion for Quidditch (and trouble making), her snarkiness, her Ravenclaw traits, and her interaction with her friends (I'm a big fan of Melody, by the way).
This seamlessly goes into James Potter's romantic outburst. About three or four lines in, I knew it was love potion (aha, I was right!), and poor James, acting like a complete idiot like that... I have a feeling that he would have done something similar under normal circumstances, but the humiliation comes from the fact that it was against his will...
And how convenient: they both end up in the same detention! Jess and James have great chemsitry. I love how they tease each other. I already ship them, and I hope that Jess agrees to this whole dating thing. James seems to be a smart bloke; I'm sure that he'll convince her that the best way to make Mark jealous is to pretend to date him. It's a win-win for both of them! (Of course, I'm so looking forward to this plan blowing up in their faces because they'll actually develop real feelings for each other--but for now, I will have to be paitent!)
I cannot wait for the next installment. Great job!!! :D
Hey Tasha! Happy holidays! And also here for RvG!
I noticed in your author's note that you said you're editing this from one that you had written some while ago. I think that's amazing. I love to return to old writing, and after cringing at some of the more underdeveloped aspects, relish in what's good and what's salvagable and seeing how much I've grown as a writer. I truly hope you are going through a similar experience with this fic!
I really liked this first chapter. The whole Aiden/Nikki scene was pure gold on top of the big blow of the Summers (and Kenny kids) are moving to Washiington! A new marriage, an upcoming move, and seeing your brother in a compromising position is a lot to handle for one person, so Jess certainly has my sympathy. But even before we got to that point in the chapter, Jess is grouchy. It's a bold move to have your main character in such a sour mood at the beginning. But then the layers behind her mood reveal themselves as the chapter unfolds. That's some great writing right there!
For a first chapter, you have laid some interesting foundations. Jess's relationships with her family (mum, brother, and step-dad) and Aiden's friends (Freddy and James). And where is her boyfriend? I was so annoyed when the boys were commenting on how boring he is or talking about Aiden hexing James for flirting... those underlying patriarchal aspects are enough to make anyone grumpy, but this on top of everything else... poor Jess! I am curious to find out more about her, like her social status at Hogwarts, even her House. What happened to her biological father. etc. I'll have to return and keep up with your updates!
Also, shout out to Ginny and Angelina for being some awesome mums, not putting up with their sons' shenanigans! I am still unsure about James, but I love Freddy. He's so snarky and has great rapport with Jess.
Looking forward to reading more soon, Tasha! :)