Reviews For Warpaint


Name: belgian quaffle (Signed) · Date: 16 Feb 2020 03:23 PM · For: Chapter 6

Happy Val-Lion-tines Month Abbi ♥ here to shower you and this amazing fic with some love because you both deserve it! (and i only just realized that i'm behind a chapter, how on EARTH did i even miss that)

 

I love how much Bee just like respects Albus! Like it's so clear from this first scene that she enjoys spending time with him- hell she even admits it now- and she DEFNITELY likes him, but I just really like some of the deeper qualities she admires about him. Like she's got his nice little admiration about Albus and his chess pieces, how alive he looks when he's working with them while playing his favorite game, and how special he is all of the time! I think its such a great moment because it says a lot about how she feels about him, but also it's another moment in her growth, I think. I don't really feel like the old Bee would have noticed such deep qualities in someone- or at least, if she had, not admired them quite as much.

 

And then, she goes full Gryffindor, ordering her own set of chess pieces because she wants to beat him! I love it!

 

I just don't...particularly like Rose that much, tbh. Like I know that Bee definitely doesn't so I feel like it's one thing from these scenes to not like her, but even from all the scenes on Albus's sides, I just don't care for her. I don't think she's all that nice to him either and he seems a bit afraid of her. Like I can recognize that here in this scene, she's just trying to do her job as prefect and that maybe Bee and Lou don't make it super easy for her, but idk. I just get this "high horse" vibe from her that I feel like she needs to check.

 

And I really hate that she makes Bee think she hasn't changed at all, because that's just flat out wrong.

 

Wow Lou's party, huh? I'm SO glad that Bee and Ethan are finally broken up. He is a JERK. I mean, I feel like we've kinda always known that. or well we always knew that he was pretty shallow but holy shit, that was class A jerk of the finest kind. His pride was hurt and he lashed out hard! Bee was right to break up with him and it really sucks that she's doubting herself after it. At least she recognizes that she doesn't deserve to be spoken to that way, even if she doubts what's being said!

 

I really liked Albus' section in this chapter as well. I think it did a lot for his growth, especially with his relationships in his life. His and Neville's relationship looks back on track(hopefully) and even he and James have a nice little moment at breakfast. It still looks (to me, at least) like things with Rose are tough (and certainly going to be worse when she does find out about Bee) but I thought it was SO CUTE that Bee texted him to come meet her under the stars. Ughh these two are so cute and I can't wait to see more and more of them! Another amazing chapter, Abbi! I'm so excited to see more of Bee and Albus!

-Sarah



Name: abhorsen (Signed) · Date: 16 Feb 2020 12:52 AM · For: Chapter 1

hey, abbi! i'm here for the va-lion-tines gift tag!

so the insanely high levels of snark right off the bat here is literally my catnip. it's so fun to read and also just immediately makes me feel connected to bianca. (because omg, her point about the portraits of dead people is so true! i had never thought about it like that but good fucking god)

also, her vanity makes her incredibly relatable. as a vain person, i feel her vanity in my bones, and also i can recognize it as the defense mechanism it is when one feels uncomfortable/vulnerable

my heart really went out to albus, though. i can't imagine how hard it is to have the weight of "everybody knows my family" on your shoulders, especially when you're dealing with something that's... well, private. even a family that's generally supportive can sometimes push too hard when you need to process everything in your own time at your own pace. "albus, are you okay?" is just added pressure that he doesn't need.

i absolutely loved the way you set up the interaction between bee and albus overall - while we don't know exactly what happened to her yet, it was really easy to see how her vulnerability could come out as aggression right up until she realized that he wasn't in a good place, and then her empathy took over.

amazing job! i will definitely be back for this.



Name: LadyMarauder (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 07:17 PM · For: Chapter 6

Ok so huge developments here! They BOTH LIKE EACH OTHER! Of course they do, though I thought it would probably be a lot longer until Bee realised it, but I love it. I really like how Albus is getting all giddy when he gets a text from Bee, it's such a realistic reaction when you like someone, even if he is denying it. 

 

Bee has really come a long way since the beginning of the school year. She’s bought a beautiful chess set and seems to really be letting herself open up, which is great.

 

I like that Neville and Albus are back on track as I felt Albus really felt bad about not hanging out as much with him, but I’m glad Neville apologised too. It’s good Albus has got him to talk to if he needs it. I also liked that James sought him out too, which pretty much floored Albus, so maybe they’re all making changes and growing a bit. Unless there’s something else going on there?

 

So the party was quite eventful! Bee and Ethan broke up which was only a matter of time really as her head has been pretty much anywhere else but with him. I have no idea how she’s going to explain her disappearances now she hasn’t got the party to plan, so maybe her spending time with Albus will come out soon. I reckon the fall out of that won’t be nice for either of them.

 

I thought it was great that she told Albus about her mum and now she’s got two people she can talk to if she needs to. Also, meeting under the stars is really, really romantic and I’m so invested in what’s going to happen next? Will she kiss him, or will she wait? Gahh I can’t wait to find out what’s going to happen next - please, please update soon!

 

Tasha xx



Name: LadyMarauder (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 07:08 PM · For: Chapter 5

Hi Abbi - I’ve just realised I have two whole chapters to catch up on, so here I am and I really love this story and I love the set of characters you have created.

 

I am so sad for Bee after learning her mum had died, she’s clearly struggling. It looks like she has been putting on a real front for weeks but everything seems to be crashing down now and we’re seeing a more vulnerable side to her. I really like that she feels ready to start opening up and maybe it will take some of the pressure of being "Bee", which I feel takes its toll on her sometimes.

 

I thought her reaction to Madi saying Albus was seeing Brenda was really funny and if she knew Bee had been spending time with Albus then she would have been busted for liking him. I think you’ve developed the relationship between Bee and Albus really well and although they’re on complete opposites of the social scene, they both bring out the good in each other, so I'm so here for them getting together soon!

 

I’m glad she bumped into Tammi when she did. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to people who aren’t that close to you when there’s something going on and Tammi seems to be someone who won’t judge. Her friends don’t seem to be that warm to be honest so it was probably be for the best.

 

I love that Lily makes bets on the family every Christmas and that there’s a enough family dramas to make it a sure thing that something will happen! The fact that Scorpius can’t have Albus stay sucks, but it means that he’ll be pushed into doing something that’s new or makes him face his family more. It’s a shame he feels he has to stay away from them at Christmas.

 

I really love that Bee is starting to thaw a bit and maybe open up to the possibility that some of her friendships are a bit toxic. I can’t wait to find out what’s to come next!!

 

Tasha xx



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 05:31 PM · For: Chapter 6

Hey Abbi!


 


I’m here to drop off a review for CDMC - Round 2! 


 


Ooh. This is a cool development. Bee has bought a very expensive chess set. I wonder does she intend to keep it for herself or gift it to Albus? Either way, I think he’ll be really surprised to find that he’s as into chess as he is. 


 


I’m really surprised as well to see how wrapped up in Albus she is. I mean I figured she was going to fall for him, but it’s come on pretty fast and hard. I wonder how much longer she’ll avoid breaking up with Ethan and telling Albus how she feels.


 


So an odd little cultural note on the Spanish. In Spanish, there are two ways to say I love you. Te quiero and Te amo. Te amo tends to be something used more for romantic proclamations of love. Te quiero is much more common with family, friends, or even at the beginning of a relationship because it doesn’t have such a heavy romantic connotation. 


 


How interesting! Her mum is Filipina. That’s a cool twist. You’ve seriously picked the two cultures I’m most familiar with and it makes me so happy. I wonder which island she came from and which languages she spoke. (Side note: If you want to throw in any Tagalog, Mahal kita means I love you)


 


Poor Rose. I know they think she’s snotty and rude, but I really think she’s just trying to do her job as a prefect. I mean, they’re smoking in the dorms and they’re not supposed to. I feel like going after her crush on Scorpius was a really low blow though. Just when I think Bee is changing she goes back to being the same old mean girl she was.


 


I’m starting to realize the chess set is for Lou and I feel like that might end up being a disaster of a gift. I don’t think she’ll appreciate it the way she’d appreciate a purse.


 


Sounds like quite the party! 


 


I like that even though Bee isn’t the best communicator, she shows her appreciation to Tammi with drink service. And it’s sweet of Tammi to offer her address to Bee. It’s too bad Bee has to put a negative connotation to it.


 


I’m actually glad that Ethan is out of the way now. I personally didn’t think he was that bad, but his reaction to the breakup definitely solidified that they shouldn’t be together. 


 


Aww. The first person she wants to talk to after is Albus. She has got it bad. The scene with the two of them under the stars really confirms it. She’s fallen for him hard. I’m glad she’s at least opening up to him even if she’s in denial about what she wants.


 


Neville is such a sweetheart. I’m glad that he recognizes his mistake and that he apologized to Albus.


 


Scorpius really is the best mate, but somehow I get the feeling it might be a bit selfishly motivated so he can get some alone time with Rose too. This texts from Bee though. She and Albus have to get together soon. This is absurd to keep pretending like nothing is going on.


 


I’m kind of sad that there’s no more chapters for me to read. I’m really enjoying this story and I wonder what will happen next. Let me know when you post and I’ll certainly come back to read more.


 


~Kaitlin



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 09:45 AM · For: Chapter 5

Hey Abbi!


 


I’m here to drop off a review for CDMC - Round 2!


 


I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but I think it’s so cute that all of the main OC girls are named after different HPFTers. 


 


and the truth comes out about a Albus dating Brenda. Did I sense a little bit of jealousy from Ms. Forestieri? I think I did. I think Madi noticed it too. 


 


I love the detail about Padma Patil becoming a famous fashion designer. 


 


Well, here’s the inevitable Lou and Potter break up. I get that Bee is her friend and the job of a friend is to be supportive, but I think she’s right. Lou is just ripping open old wounds and messing up her own self esteem. Potter might be handsome and famous, but no guy is worth that amount of emotional turmoil.


 


And now Bee and Lou are bound to be fighting because Lou said something stupid in the heat of an argument. The thing is they both seem to stubborn to apologize or try to fix things first.


 


It seems like Tammi was just the person Bee needed in this moment. She’s finally admitted that her mother had died and she’s got a lot of emotions to let out. I’m glad Tammi had Gingersnap with her. Sometimes animals can help us in ways humans can’t. 


 


I like that Lily has a betting circle on family drama. 


 


Oh no! Why is Draco back in contact with his parents? I mean it’s possible that in their old age they’ve reformed their ways, but I highly doubt it. I hope Draco isn’t going to get himself into trouble and cause problems for his son. 


 


I feel like this Albus/Bee situationship is going to cause problems. They’re clearly both smitten, but technically Bee is still in a relationship with Ethan. I sure hope she breaks up with him before letting things go to far with Albus. The last thing she needs is her own relationship drama with a love triangle between here, Albus, and Ethan.


 


I do wish you talked a bit more about what is motivating Bee to change. I mean I know her mother’s death has effected her, but what has continued to inspire her to grow.


 


Another good chapter! I’ll be back for the last one soon. 


 


~Kaitlin



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 08:23 AM · For: Chapter 4

Hey Abbi!


 


I’m here to drop off a review for CDMC - Round 2!


 


Aww. This opening scene is so sweet. I think Bianca and Albus both might be starting to crush on each other. I think that might create a huge conflict for Bee though since Albus isn’t as popular as Ethan.


 


I liked Freddie immediately. He seems much more down to earth and chill. I suppose if he’s supplying the alcohol, he’d have to be. And doesn’t it figure that it would be George Weasley’s son who figured out how to sneak alcohol in. 


 


Yeah, Bee is definitely changing and I can’t really figure out why. I mean I get that something happened to her, but her sudden obsession with Albus is still a bit odd. I’m not complaining though. I definitely much prefer this version of her.


 


Poor Rose is so wrecked over one bad grade. I suppose having a Hermione as a mum must put a lot of pressure on her. It does seem like a massive over reaction though. Even Professor Ramos thinks it’s excessive. (Also, side note, my married name was Ramos)


 


Yes! Go Albus standing up to that miserable cow Brenda!


 


I’m glad that Albus is now trustworthy enough to actually brew potions. I guess Bee did a good job of teaching him after all. 


 


And I love that Albus is a writer. It’s so easy to get lost in a fantasy world and I could see why that would be appealing to him. I’m glad that Bee was encouraging of him. It just goes to show that he can get through scary things without dying.


 


Yeah. I stand by my first statement. I think there is definitely a budding relationship between Bee and Albus. They really seem to understand and challenge each other to be better. Albus is learning to be more confident and Bee is learning to be kinder. It’s a good balance. 


 


I keep enjoying this story and will surely be back to read more soon!


 


~Kaitlin



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 07:53 AM · For: Chapter 3

Hey Abbi!


 


I’m here to drop off a review for CDMC - Round 2!


 


Ah the girls are being girls, gossiping about boys. It seems like things are pretty well back to order. Is it wrong that I’m fairly disgusted by the fact that they have a list of boys to choose from though? I feel like they seem to dehumanize pretty much everyone they come into contact with.


 


I love that you chose to have Bianca speak Spanish since her father is from Spain.  You already know, I love language and seeing diverse cultures represented in fanfic, so I am genuinely stoked about the background. I don’t know if this is intentional, but to me, the way you’ve written the Spanish sounds incredibly formal and polite, which is kind of amusing coming from a teenager and because she’s basically calling her friend stupid and telling her she’s making a mistake. 


 


I wonder why James has Bianca so worked up though. I mean I get that he’s kind of a huge prat, but still, her reaction seemed a bit dramatic. I guess in reality his commentary was just a trigger for her to release all of the pent up feelings from whatever else is going on with her. Hopefully, we’ll find out soon.


 


Ooh Bianca is defending Albus now. I wonder what her deal is with him. Surely she’s picked on others the way that Brenda was picking on him. And then she responded by bullying Brenda, so I feel like she’s being a bit hypocritical. I do like that she believes in Albus though. And I like that she’s considering stepping out of her comfort zone by learning to play chess with him too. I haven’t decided if she’s gonna fall for him or end up bffs with him, but either way, I’m here for it.


 


It’s so interesting to see Ginny as the type to mollycoddle her child. She was so wild and brave in her youth that it’s quite a change, but I suppose that’s what age and motherhood can do.


 


I do feel a bit bad that Albus is skipping chess with Neville. I get what he means about needing to stand on his own two feet, but I’d also be willing to be that Neville genuinely enjoys playing chess with him. I do agree though that isn’t healthy for Neville to be constantly blabbing his secrets to his parents. I mean, if it’s something severe I could understand, but I think reporting every little anxiety makes things worse in the long haul.


 


I am really glad to see Albus stand up for himself though. Usually, he seems a bit like a doormat, so it’s nice to see him setting firm boundaries about what he can tolerate.


 


Ooh. Look at Albus asking Bianca for her number! I do wonder why she gave him a fake name though. Probably she didn’t want anyone to find out that he managed to get her number.


 


I am really enjoying this story so far! I’m hoping in the next chapter we’ll get a bit more info about what happened during her mystery two weeks.


 


Good job!


 


~Kaitlin


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


~Kaitlin



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 06:40 AM · For: Chapter 2

Hey Abbi!


 


I’m here to drop off a review for CDMC - Round 2! 


 


Oh no! It sounds like Lou is quite unwell and not with a hangover. Usually one isn’t quite so sick the next morning from an overindulgence of alcohol. I feel like maybe she should be going to the hospital wing for treatment.


 


Huh. Rose Weasley, a mean girl? I like it. I actually have a story of my own where I wrote her that way too. I like that she sort of uses the weight of her prefect badge and her parents’ fame. That seems fitting.


 


See, now that is more how I expected Bianca to view Albus. I was really surprised she cared that he had a melt down at all and I figured she would mock him relentlessly for it. I wonder what happened to her that has caused her to change so much.


 


Well, Ethan seems like a nice enough guy. I can’t say their relationship seems like anything particularly special, but I am glad he’s kind to her at least. I was worried he was going to be a mean boy.


 


See it’s scenes like this that really make me dislike Bianca. She acts like the Hufflepuffs are all her faceless minions and like they have no redeeming qualities aside from their uselessness. It’s such an unfortunate way to view the world and at some point it’s going to bite her in the ass. 


 


Also, as a reformed Gryffindor turned Hufflepuff, it’s kind of interesting to see this portrayal of the Puffs as socially awkward, overly cheerful, minion. 


 


Ugh. That article is so gross. Who cares what a 16 and 17 year old are doing? They’re quite literally children. (Ooh. Side note: Does her dad have Italian roots? Just wondering where the last name came from since it says he was born in Spain)


 


I sense that Albus might be developing a crush on one Bee Forestieri. 


 


Scorpius seems like a good best friend. He’s concerned for Albus and he notices the little odd ticks in his behavior as he loses his thoughts to Bianca. I do think it’s funny though that he’s so intimidated by Rose. Sounds like she’s quite the scary person...except when she finally makes an appearance she actually seems quite nice and caring. Plus, she was in chess club! 


 


Wow. James seems kind of like a jerk. I don’t condone violence, but part of me wishes Albus would’ve actually hit him. I think he’s the sort to respect people who stand up for themselves. I think Albus getting emotional only gives him a bit more ammunition to tease him with. Sort of a self perpetuating cycle. 


 


And really, who is James to call Bianca a bitch when he’s sort of an arrogant prick himself? The bloody hypocrite.


 


Another good chapter, Abbi! I’ll definitely be back for more soon.


 


~Kaitlin



Name: Chemical_Pixie (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 04:05 AM · For: Chapter 6

Abbi! So pumped that I get to catch up on this story!

 

Bee: The succession of her scenes is like a ball ready to roll down a steep hill. It's slowly inching forward and them whoosh! Here we go, coursing towards Albus. Of course, I'm definitely along for this ride, because Bee has such energy around Albus and I love to see the different sides to her throughout the different scenes. 

 

Bee still has a lot to sort out: with the death of her mother, how to reveal her more authentic self to Lou, her relationship with Ethan (kinda glad that they're broken up, but those words were nasty!), etc. I'm glad that Albus is there to give her confidence and happiness and a safe space to be vulnerable. However, I am curious to see how long this safety net can last.

 

Now that Lou's party is over, what will Bee tell her friends when she wants to go hang out with Albus? There's an importance choice in Bee's near future, I think! I do hope that she makes the right one, of not being ashamed of her friendship with Albus, of being more openly kind and considerate to others, to erode this spoiled rich girl act that she has going on. Of course, this is part of growing up, is it not? But on top of losing a parent, it's a lot for one person to go through. I'm excited to see how you continue to develop Bee's character!

 

Albus: Ahhh! Look at his progress! I'm curious as to why James lends his notes to Albus (maybe there was something in an earlier chapter that I forgot about--my apologies), but it's also nice to see some civil interaction between the two of them.

 

But what really warms my heart is that Neville apologizes and wants to build up his relationship with Albus again--and it's abundantly clear that Albus wants to repair things between them again (while still simultaneously being the moody teenager who doesn't want to share everything. How typical, lol). Neville is such an awesome godfather to Albus, and I can totally see him as a person who would apologize to anyone--no matter how "inferior" they are to him (uncle-nephew or adult-child or professor-student, etc.). 

 

And then Albus getting that text from Bee. Of course he wants to go meet her, and Scrop is 10/10 wingman for covering for Albus. I wonder... does Scropious like Rose as much as Rose likes him? Because Albus leaving the pair of them alone for a little bit would be to both of their benefits, lol. 

 

When Albus and Bee are together, you can tell that they feel calmer and happier. I'm glad that Bee opens up to Albus about her mum. Having someone to rely on during this time of grief is of the utmost importance. And I like Albus's response to this news, too. Some people don't know how to react when they hear such devastating information, and that makes the person in grief feel even more lost. Albus is a rock, and I love him so much for it!

 

One thing to watch out for is your tense. You sometimes switch from past to present within the same paragraph. Otherwise, this is such great writing! I enjoy reading all the layers of your plot and seeing the wonderful character development from your two awesome leads!

 

I do hope for another update in the near future! Well done, Abbi!



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 03:04 AM · For: Chapter 1

Hey Abbi!

 

I'm here to drop you a review for the CDMC event - Round 2! How is it that I've never read Warpaint? What is this madness? I'm sorry about that and I intend to remedy that pretty quickly.

 

Immediately I can picture who Bianca Forestieri is. The way you describe her appearance and the importance of hair product in her life gives me a very strong impression of what she's like. And maybe that's a mislead. Maybe she'll surprise me and be dramatically different from what I imagine, but for now, I definitely have an impression of one of the mean girls or someone from Clueless. (excuse me while I harken back to the stone ages)

 

Ohh immediately we find out that though Bianca's friends have been telling everyone she's in Japan doing broom advertisements, it's just a cover. I wonder where she really was for this mysterious absence and why she's so worried about just telling the truth.

 

It seems like there's a lot of relationship drama going on too. Lou and James are on again off again to the annoyance of their friends. Ethan is super into Bianca, but it seems for potentially shallow reasons. And Freddie is after Madi.

 

Yeah. I'm not really digging Bianca's attitude, but also I feel like maybe there's some history with that teacher that I'm missing. I guess overall, I'm annoyed at the desire to make others do her work for her and her opinion of Albus. Poor, sweet Albus.

 

I'm kind of glad we got to see this section from Albus' eyes because he actually made Bianca a bit more sympathetic. Her kindness during his panic attack made her a lot more likable. I thought at first she was going to berate him and mock him, but she did the right thing by offering to help.

 

I do feel like poor Albus is a bit too hard on himself. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time and he needn't freak out for it, but I get the anxiety isn't a rational thing. As someone who has panic attacks (when flying), I have a lot of sympathy for him because it is not fun...and I imagine it would be so much worse at school and with famous parents. I imagine there must be a lot of scrutiny on Albus and I feel like the potential headlines that could come if the wrong person saw him break down would be a lot of pressure.

 

I thought this opening chapter was really good. I feel very invested in the characters and I really like the set up that you've created. I'm curious to see how Bianca and Albus develop as it progresses.

 

Good work! I'll certainly be back for more chapters soon.

 

~Kaitlin



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 10:50 PM · For: Chapter 6

Hey, Abbi! Back again for the CMDC review event :)

 

Sometimes, I really want to punch Lou. We get such a good moment of Bee being truly vulnerable and open with that chess set and then immediately go back to the girl she was at the beginning of the year, just being catty and nasty to Rose. It really highlights the difference between her friendship with Albus and her friendship with Lou and which one is the better one for her. I do have to respect her at least attempting to save Rose from whatever Lou had planned for her. 

 

I love how the party played out for her. I remember a few chapters back when she seemed so gung ho about the party and now she really couldn't care less. Her friendship with Tammi is just so sweet, I hope that keeps up as well in future chapters. She's obviously a better friend than at least 75% of Bee's current group and I just really love her a lot.

 

Abbi. You can't leave me on that!!! I need them to get together, like yesterday. They're just so cute and their chemistry is just off the charts. I know why Bee didn't try and kiss him then, but come on. It has to happen soon, right???

 

I adore this story (if you couldn't put that together lol). You have to let me know when you update!!



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 10:17 PM · For: Chapter 5

Hey, Abbi! Back again for the CMDC review event :)

 

Subtle is not in Bee's vocabulary haha. I don't know how Madi didn't figure it out right there and then that she has a thing for Albus. I still love how that overprotective tendencies have started to shift towards more genuine romantic feelings as opposed to just a sense of doing the right thing.

 

Wow, I was so off about why she had been missing for those two weeks. I totally expected something more dramatic to fit with Bee's personality, but honestly? I like that so much more than what I pictured. I love that it was a random(ish) person who she finally broke down to. Her ‘friends' don't seem like the particularly warm type (except maybe Madi), so Tammi and Gingersnap are the most perfect choice.

 

Honestly, Lily is now my favorite Wotter. Why wouldn't you try and make money off the Weasley-Potter gang and their chaotic tendencies? She's an absolute genius and I want more of her. I am curious about all the drama Molly supposedly causes. Spinoff maybe??

 

Stop, these two are so effing cute, I can't stand it. They need to admit those feelings right now so they can live happily ever after. 

 

I'm gonna be back so fast because I NEED THEM TO GET TOGETHER ABBI!! I need it now!!



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 09:32 PM · For: Chapter 4

Hey, Abbi! Back again for the CMDC review event :)

 

Bee is really, really growing on me. I love how subtle the changes in her have been over the last few chapters. I don't think the Bee from chapter one would willingly say that she didn't want to do the traditional prank to herself, much less to a room full of her supposed "friends." Honestly, she should just dump all of them but Freddie. I'll even give Ethan a pass, he seems rather sweet, too, if not a little oblivious.

 

She and Albus are just so sweet together. I've said it before, but their chemistry is amazing. They both just seem so much more themselves and the changes in how they act around other people really reflect that. I love that they both have someone in their corner that just likes them for who they are and doesn't expect anything more than what they can give. 

 

Rose should have definitely broken Brenda's arm. I may have actually cheered out loud when Albus told Brenda no. That's even more impressive than him standing up to Rose.

 

You can bet that I will be back for the next few chapters!



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 05:32 PM · For: Chapter 3

Hey, Abbi! Back again for the CMDC review event :)

 

I love Bee's overprotective side. It's such a Gryffindor trait for her to be ready to throw hands at the first person who even looks at her friends wrong. Honestly, I would not be opposed to watching her hex the crap out of James if he hurts Lou at all. 

 

I'm really curious about this Brenda girl. She and Albus clearly have some kind of history if his reaction when James brought her up last chapter was anything to go by. And clearly it's not a good history since Bee had to ‘rescue' him from her (which was extremely endearing, by the way). 

 

I'm really excited to get to see more of Bee and Albus interacting. They have such an easy chemistry between them, even just as friends. They both just seem more relaxed and more themselves when they're around each other, especially Albus. For as much as he said she was intimidating, he certainly seems more easy going when he's around her than anyone else, even Scorpius. And Bee just seems at ease, like she can finally relax and not have to put on some big show for everyone else's benefit. 

 

I love this story so much, Abbi, I can't wait to come back for more!



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 05:03 PM · For: Chapter 2

Hey, Abbi! Back again for the CMDC review event :)

 

I like that as much as Bee wants to put out this image of herself as untouchable and perfect, she's still a genuinely good friend. She didn't have to check on Lou when she got her Charms book and she certainly didn't have to sit there and help her out after she saw she wasn't feeling well. It's small things like this that make me feel invested in her character and her journey through the rest of the story.

 

For as poised and confident as Bee is, I really kinda want to just give her a hug and tell her that she doesn't always have to be ‘on.' She's got all this pressure on her (most of it self-inflicted) and I just want to tell her to breathe for just a minute. I think being friends with someone like Albus where there's no expectations of her being anything but herself would be really good for her.

 

Speaking of Albus, he remains the sweetest person. I just want to wrap him up in some blankets and hand him some hot chocolate and tell him everything is going to be alright. He just seems so lost, like he doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing with himself (but honestly, who does?) and I really hope that he starts to find himself as the story goes on.

 

I can't wait to get to know Bee and Albus more! I'm loving the story so much!



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 04:09 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hey, Abbi! Here for the CMDC review event :)

 

I adore the opening line for this. It sets such a clear tone of what Bianca is going to be like and what she thinks like. After finishing the chapter, she certainly seems like the kind of girl to want to live forever.

 

I'm very curious about why she had to leave Hogwarts, especially only for two weeks. She seems extremely paranoid about people finding out what it was, so it can't be something as innocent as a parent being sick or something (I don't think).

 

You've set up the whole "mean girl clique of Hogwarts" so well with the three of them, but you've also managed to make them human enough that I don't feel irritated with them. Bianca's paranoia about someone finding out where she was and ruining her queen bee image gives her just enough relatability that I'm invested in her story. 

 

Al is such a sweetheart and I love that Bianca acts so genuinely nice to him. It's nice to see how well-rounded she is as a character and she won't just be the mean girl the whole time. I'm super excited to see where their relationship goes from here.

 

I love this story already, I can't wait to read more!

 



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 31 Jan 2020 10:35 PM · For: Chapter 6

Hey Abbi!  Yay for finally getting a chance to review this chapter!

 

I feel like I'm getting to know Bee so much more in this chapter, and it's really wonderful the way that you're managing to develop these characters through the novel.  I honestly just wanted to reach out and give her a hug at the opening of this chapter.  The fact that she'd bought those beautiful, expensive chess pieces so that she could have some sort of bond with her pieces in the same way that Albus does is absolutely adorable, and I thought the difference between her buying those and an expensive handbag or designer item for herself or even for Lou is so marked compared to the start of the story.

 

I felt so sorry for Bee throughout this chapter with the fact that she's missing her mum so much.  It's so in character for her not to want other people to know about it, because she's the sort of person who wouldn't want people to pity her, but at the same time she really needs someone to be able to talk to about it.  I can't imagine feeling as lonely as she must feel right now without having someone there to talk to or properly comfort her.  I'm glad that she could share it with Tammi last chapter and that she can talk to Albus about it, as well.  The friendship - or more (definitely more, it had better be :P) - between them is so good for both of them, and I love the fact that neither of them are obvious friends, but at the same time they complement each other really well.

 

The interaction with Rose was really intriguing.  It's so interesting to see Rose from both Albus and Bee's perspectives, as she doesn't come off particularly well in either of them.  Albus seems to be quite scared of her most of the time, and then Rose seems to be quite sharp and mean to Bee and the others, but then again they've never really tried to be friends from what I can make out.  I'm looking forward to hopefully getting to see more of Rose's character in the future chapters, particularly if/when she finds out about Albus and Bee.

 

The party was so interesting to read!  I really loved the way that you managed to take us on a whole wave of emotions through the party, especially with Bee being so excited beforehand to try and throw Lou the best party possible, and then later on the way that goes down the pan when things come to a head with Ethan.  I have to be honest, I've never been Ethan's biggest fan because I'm shipping Albus and Bee all the way here, but also because Bee has never felt comfortable with him.  The fact that she's escaping and confiding in Albus and even Tammi makes it clear that her and Ethan aren't right together, and I really don't like the way that he tried to make himself out as the good guy in this situation, when really he's anything but.  I can't blame Bee for running away from the situation, even if it's not the healthiest reaction.  I think it'll be good for her to end things with Ethan, but I don't know how the fallout is going to happen in the next chapter, especially with her friends.

 

And seeing Albus's point of view was great at the end of this chapter, too.  I'm really enjoying see his own personal progress, too - becoming more independent from the people that he's been overly relying on until now and maybe starting to develop healthier relationships with them too, like Neville.  I just hope that he doesn't become overly reliant on Bee, as well.  And his reaction to her at the end was perfect, but I can't wait to see how the rest of this scene ends!

 

Sian :)



Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 27 Jan 2020 02:31 AM · For: Chapter 3

The audacity of these girls gets more extreme every chapter. A list, an honest to goodness list to decide who will have the honor of going to a party with them. These girls make me absolutely gag (and are the type I completely ignored at my high school.) What is it about James Potter that irks her so much? It must be more than him having an on again, off again relationship with her friend. I wonder if it is somehow connected to her mysterious two missing weeks?


Albus is growing up a bit and growing away from Neville. I know that conversation hurt Neville, but he didn’t seem to get it that Albus needed a sounding board that wasn’t running back to his parents. I felt in some ways that Albus didn’t really trust Neville anymore, probably because he finally recognized that Neville is his parents’ friend and not really his. 


I laughed at the characters’ thoughts on Quidditch. Finally Albus and Bee have something in common. Well, really two things: an ambivalent attitude about Quidditch and a severe attitude about the cold. And Rose, is again, such a bossy pants. A permanent sticking charm? Really? No wonder Albus is so timid if his family is going to be so overbearing. 

Nice job. I look foward to the next chapter. 

Still, he managed to pull himself up a few rungs on the social ladder. He got Bee’s phone number, even if she doesn’t want anyone, including his phone, to know.



Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 27 Jan 2020 01:26 AM · For: Chapter 2

Hi Abbi. I’m here for the CMDC, round #1


Bianca’s outlook on life is so amusing. The teenager obsession with looking perfect although the thought of her looking like a cherry was amusing. Her analysis of Rose Weasley was also funny, but rather insightful. At least Bee recognizes that she’s a mean girl. She obviously feels like she can be extra mean to other mean girls who don’t recognize their true self. However, Rose’s personality is very likely since she is Hermione Granger’s daughter.


Her reflection of Albus was actually a great reflection of herself and gave us some clues. Whatever happened, wherever she was for two weeks, it shook her to the core and is causing a transformation within her. Her reflection of her boyfriend was also illuminating. The idea of the boyfriend being simple tells us a lot.The boyfriend seems to match her outer, perfect shell. There’s no depth to the relationship and she likes it that way. My guess it’s because if she keeps him at arms length emotionally, she doesn’t have to deal with potential emotional repercussions. 


Oh my! Her relationship with the Hufflepuffs is just outrageous. She admits that she doesn’t understand the Hufflepuff mind, but I’m shocked they look up her that much. They seemed willing to do anything to be invited to the party and Bee plays them very well. 


The transition to Albus’s point-of-view helped us understand his relationship with his family members as well as seeing Rose from another point-of-view. It was a nice balance to include so much depth of him after learning a lot about Bee. 


Great job on chapter 2. I look forward to chapter 3. 





Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 27 Jan 2020 12:50 AM · For: Chapter 1

Hi Abbi. I’m here for the CMDC, round #1


You did a dynamite job laying down the characterization of Bianca Forestieri. At first you gave little hints like her referring to red lips (and then fact McGonagall doesn’t like them) and returning to her throne, but her mysterious disappearance raises questions but helps you draw a few conclusions:


  1. Bianca is the top of the social ladder. That social ladder, stereotypically, requires one to look perfect (which she does) and treats others who are several rungs below her terribly (which she also seems to do with Albus)

  2. Her hard perfect shell is a shield for something terrible and no doubt those cracks will form soon.


The interactions with her two best friends were interesting. I’m sure how solid that friendship (or maybe they just view friendship differently than I do.) Yes, they are keeping her secret and spreading false rumors for her but Lou didn’t seem that concerned about her. Jealousy seems to be a key in their friendship whether it keeps them together or tears them apart. 


Poor Albus! He’s already besotten. He’s the perfect example of how high school can so miserable for some. Bee’s reaction to his potion mistake is exactly how you would expect a Queen Bee to act. Once would hope that she would be different, but you had me guessing for a while. I’m so glad she showed her softer side. Perhaps she isn’t such a Queen B afterall. Besides Albus might just be a friend she needs when her secret gets out (which I’m sure it will. Didn’t Dumbledore once say, “What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so, naturally the whole school knows.”




Name: dreamshadow (Signed) · Date: 25 Jan 2020 04:00 AM · For: Chapter 5

OF COURSE YOU LIKE HER, ALBUS!  At least they're finally starting to admit their feelings to themselves and their friends are calling them out on it. This is what I'm here for, Abby. Give me all the good Albus/Bee feels.

 

Bee finally cracked! And I'm glad it was with someone we don't know very well, and a Hufflepuff, no less. It makes so much sense to me that she would have a breakdown with a cat, though. Pets are the best to cuddle with and to let your feelings out, and I'm glad Bee had that opportunity.  I had a feeling something may have happened with her mom (was her dad involved?! I gotta know!) but it's awful that she died.  Bee is clearly not coping well with it but it's good to see that she's finally letting her emotions crack through.  Even if what Lou said was incredibly insensitive and just plain rude, it at least opened up the dam that Bee probably needed to start dealing with her mom's death.  And it's nice to see that her happy place is with Albus, because who wouldn't be happy with him? 

 

Also, I love that Lily has bets on the big family drama.  And that she's like, the ring-leader.  That seems so perfect for her character as the youngest Potter and definitely something Fred/George would do.  And I like that her relationship with Albus isn't particularly close but they're clearly there and supportive of each other.  

 

ALSO, it is very interesting that Albus claims there's no secrets between him, Rose, and Scorpius, but there seem to be a number of secrets floating around between these three with their various relationships and I'm curious to see how it's all going to pan out.  I feel bad that Albus can't go to Scorpius' for Christmas this year, but maybe that means there's something better coming along? Maybe? MAYBE ABBI? I GOTTA KNOW.

 

I feel like a lot's gonna go down on Christmas and I don't know if I'm ready for it or not.  But I'm excited to see how it all plays out ♥



Name: dreamshadow (Signed) · Date: 25 Jan 2020 02:57 AM · For: Chapter 4

Okay, Bee and Albus are officially the cutest.  I don't care that Bee's currently dating Ethan, I'm waiting for this ship to sail, Abby. :P 

 

I love that Bee's gotten so into play chess and she wants to impress Albus.  I feel like that's the first sign of something, especially since Albus seems to be on her mind quite a bit.  Not that I blame her, he is such an adorably awkward kid and I love your version of him.  He just seems so soft and like the perfect companion for Bee, but I'm getting away from the chapter here. 

 

Bee's characterization is so good.  Her stream of conscious thoughts flow right into her dialouge and it really feels like the same voice.  And she's totally relatable; like her mouth getting carried away from her is something that happens all the time. And I really enjoyed her interaction with Freddie; even though it was just to get alcohol, I feel like there's some good seeds there that can build a future friendship (or at least alliance).  Especially if they have the same goal of wanting Lou and James together, but Bee's attention seems to be on other things these days. And I think I've mentioned this in previous reviews, but Bee really does seem like a Queen Bee -- not just with her attitude but with her minions, which is something that I feel like isn't incoprorated in fics too often. 

 

Oh, Albus.  I feel like that statement can summarize just how I feel about him :P But I can't help it, I love him. And poor Rose. I loved this scene in the classroom; I can only imagine how getting anything less than an E is devastating to someone like Rose and I'm glad she trusted Albus with her secret. But WHY DOESN'T SHE WANT SCORPIUS TO KNOW, ABBY? WHY DOESN'T SHE?! Am I seeing the start of a Scorose in this fic? Can't say I'd complain about that :P 

 

Ugh, that girl is awful to him.  Good on him for walking away; Bee would be proud. Albus deserves better. 

 

And we're back to adorable Bee/Albus in the potions lab! I love that Albus writes fantasy and that Bee accidentally read some of his work. And she had such a great reaction to it. They're so soft around each other and I love it. ♥

 

But I do feel like we're still seeing only bits and pieces of the real story here. I feel like there's more underneath the surface, like with Bee second guessing her parents' status/popularity and her mom enjoying literature. I definitely want to know more & find out where this is going, so keep up the great work! 



Name: Noelle Zingarella (Signed) · Date: 31 Dec 2019 08:30 PM · For: Chapter 3

Hi Abbi! I’m here for the Rager :D

 

The opening paragraph really struck me with the way that Lou is looking out for Bee. I think one of my favorite things about this fic so far is the way that everyone looks out for each other even if it doesn’t seem that way on the surface.

 

It looks like Bee is feeling smothered by Ethan. I can’t imagine that is going to end well :P

 

This description of Potter is so perfect:

“He's not even that attractive but confidence is his best friend.”

 

Bee falling apart is sad to watch. She’s in this group of friends but she seems so alone and overwhelmed. I hope that she will reach out for help soon. But I adore the way she’s picked up Albus as a project. It seems to me that she is using her mission to help him pass potions as a coping mechanism for her own troubles. If she is focused on him, then she’s distracted from her problems. Watching her give that mean girl a set down—even though it embarrassed Albus—was quite satisfying.

 

Chess as a plot vehicle—and a relationship building device—is one of my favorite things :D

 

Albus has a lot of battles to fight doesn’t he? I appreciate that he just wants to be a normal teenager with secrets—although I expect that is hard to do being the son of the Chosen One. It made me sad to watch him get snippy with Neville—but I can understand why he did. I can also understand why he’s suspicious of Bee. Her taking an interest in him probably seems like a trap or a trick of some sorts.

 

I enjoyed the fact that Bee wore heels to a Quidditch match. 

 

 

Nice work on this chapter!

 

Yours,

 

Noelle



Name: Ineke (Signed) · Date: 31 Dec 2019 08:08 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hi Abbi! I hope you had a great year and a wonderful one ahead of you! Here is some holiday cheer <3

 

That’s an interesting way to start the story… but I do kind of get it. I’d get insane if so many portraits commented on everything i’d do

 

why did she leave the school?

 

oooh she’s miss popular. I wonder what happened to her to make her feel like that way, so superior, why she needs to keep up the facade that she’s perfect. What’s the reason behind it all? I wonder…

 

Oh yes the most popular people hooking up. Makes sense. Somehow always seems to happen.

 

Oh not even the boyfriend knew? I wonder why he didn’t… 

 

Oh, i actually feel sorry for Eve, because it;s horrible to have partners like that. Maybe it;s for the best that it all got switched up. I like that professor.

 

Poor Albus

 

Oh god i love that he melted her bag but i just want to hug him right now

 

YES ALBUS INDEED WHO PAYS THAT AMOUNT FOR A BAG

 

okay no he def needs a hug

 

OH SHE REALISES HE IS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK thats good at least

 

okay no but what brought this change in her? was it the fact that she went away, did she recognise something? I’m totally curious right now. Excellent introduction, because this makes people want to continue reading and that’s a very good thing! Happy new year to you!




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