Hey Kris! Here for your requested review.
I really enjoy that Quinn leaves inviting Ashley to Diagon Alley til the last minute. This only adds to her silghtly-rough-around-the-edges character!
On board of my Quinn/James ship, I particularly like this sentence: I grinned at him, the warm and fuzzy feeling caused by the Firewhiskey making me feel better. Okay, yeah. Sure, it's the Firewhiskey, Quinn... and definitely not the fact that you are also attracted to James! They like each other so much! I think James is more in tune to it than Quinn is, but they both seem pretty blind to it, which makes this an amusing read! Also, I am convinced that James starts dancing with that other girl because Quinn ends up snogging Al, and Quinn hooks up with Logan because she sees James with that girl. It's also interesting how they hang out together, but Quinn doesn't want to hang with Logan. Just saying. ;)
You write awkwardness so well! I think awkwardness holds a good place in this fic, especially since Quinn has already dated Al, and I ship her with James, the older brother. But that conversation on the Potter kids' sex lives was hysterical! And Fred's declaration of wanting to go to the book store over continuing that conversation is pure gold! I think he may be my favorite character (because this is something that I would definitely say... not only to stop this awkward conversation but to go to the bookstore because BOOKS.)
Side note: I really enjoy your alliteration with the shop names in Diagon Alley. :) (I don't believe these are all canon, so well done on naming them!)
Anyway, this was a good chapter to set up some more plot points: Al trying to win Quinn back, Dom's crush on Teddy (lots of inner-family crushes, eh?), and Quinn and James still beating around the bush to their actual feelings!
Quodpot Review: Match 1
So I distinctly remember seeing you talk about this on the forums, but I weirdly love how much detail you put into describing Ziggy and Odin? I’m 100% here for animals with strong personality traits, lol.
But James and Quinn are so good together, especially in this first scene, which really makes the events of the rest of the chapter that much more infuriating. But I’m trying to go in chronological order, so more on that later.
I love your characterization of Fred. Mainly because he’s so different from the way Fred is portrayed in basically every other next-gen story (including my own, lol) in that he’s much more bookish and much less into Quidditch and pranking. Also, I already love him and Ash together.
Alsooooo, this whole Teddy-Dominique-Victoire love triangle thing? Yikes, that’ll be an interesting one to follow.
Alright, now back to Quinn. GIRLLLLL, what are you doing?? First you make out with Al, who you know still has a thing for you and you have no intention of getting back with him (and IN FRONT of James no less), and then you go home with Logan?? Honestly, I don’t fault James for his behavior after having to witness Quinn do all of that.
But Quinn definitely doesn’t do attachment, does she? That much was made very clear in this chapter, haha. I also died at the idea of James teaming up with Ethan and Quinn’s granddad to triple-lecture her the moment she got home - but once again, the ending of this chapter was freaking adorable.
I’ll be back soon for chapter 4!
aw, ziggy and odin - my two favourite pets! or maybe not because they're both a tiny bit evil but still...fun to write! i'm a huge cat person so i harbor a soft spot for ziggy and owls are like, flying cats, right?! :D
i always love reading funny, prankster-y, flirty fred (basically fred I reincarnated) but...i wanted to do something different with, er, my (?) fred. because i have a headcanon of him being raised on stories about fred I and wanting to be his own person and just generally trying to distinguish himself from his dad's dead twin. and partially wanting to be an auror because of fred I and how he died in the battle of hogwarts. so at the same time fredII is being his own person but also honoring his uncle. idk if that makes sense :O
oh but is it a love triangle? maybe it's a rectangle? :O :O for some reason i've always head-shipped (because i've never written them before) teddy and dominique, not victorie. and the whole guy-torn-between-two-sisters might be cliche-y but i just love it and couldn't stop myself from doing it. and dominique being sneaky is something i love...and teddy not being perfect, and basically everyone in this story having some sort of moral gray area was something i wanted to try doing.
and quinn! i know, she's evil. well, not evil, she's just a hormonal teenager trying to forget about her home/family problems with alcohol and hook ups...and she did want to tell logan she was there with her friends but then saw james...and changed her mind :O :O :O who knows why she changed her mind, right?! she sure won't admit to herself anything of the sort.
i felt i did need to show that james was worried about her but also...understanding? but still...chapter 5 has him raising his issues with quinn
thanks for the review!
Okay, well... I don't like Logan? Maybe it's just because I want Quinn and James together already so I don't like anyone interfering? And really, Quinn did it all, so I really have no reason not to like him, but I still don't like him... apologies...
Also, Al, get over it already! You are cute and precious but pining over your ex girlfriend is not going to help you, I'm talking for your own sake, sweety.
I forgot to mention on the previous chapter that the story of how Quinn's parents got together was so amusing and kind of cute, it was really nice to include. :D But still, what a screwed up family... *rolls eyes*
Related to that, I love how the pets are just as screwed up as the humans... ahahah! Both Ziggy and Odin are so funny to read about. :P
Okay, so what is it with the Teddy/Victoire/Dominique triangle? It kind of worries me? Looks like every relationship in this story is a huge mess... except maybe Fred and Ash? They look just so cute, even if they aren't in a relationship... not officially, anyway... and I obviously forgot, what's Ashley's last name? Because I think you mentioned her being related to Scorpius? Which is kind of easy since all Pureblood families are related one way or another, but I'm still wondering... :P
Anyway, this is a really fun story so far. Maybe not the genre I most enjoy reading, but I think you are doing a great job at writing it. There's just the perfect balance of dialogue and description, all your characters are so well defined and believable and your writing style is enjoyable with just the right dose of humour to it. Lovely work, really! ;)
Thank you so much for your request!
Lots of love and snowball hug,
but logan anderson is so cool hahah (okay, he ended up actually being a bit tragic in my oneshot, though this was unplanned but i do have some feels for him)! :P nobody wants quinn to end up with logan. quinn doesn't want quinn to end up with him. but she can appreciate some of his charms hhaha ;D
poor al, i know :/ but he's still hoping (and tbh quinn snogging him didn't help)
screwed up family with screwed up pets - great description! though the pets can be cute. sometimes. and the family, too. also sometimes. not very often haha.
idk what to tell you, relationships are messy (at least that's the way it's been in my experience up until now :/) - and it's fun to write them like that. drama all the way! fred and ash aren't together. who knows if they ever will be? :O ashley's last name is thompson, but her mother is daphne greengrass (obviously, she has her father's last name :D )
aww, your comments are so sweet! thank you for taking the time to read this even if it's not the type of story you usually read, it means a lot to me to hear some feedback (said every writer) *hugs*
Hey Kristina, here from the review tag!!
First of all, someone needs to tell Quinn to stop being with people that aren't James. I'm offended and I'm sure everyone else who reads this is too ;) I get that she was drunk when she kissed Al but honestly, I can't believe she did it. She's leading him on! Drunk or not, you can't tell a guy you have no desire to get back with them and then kiss them!!! I feel a little sorry for Al actually, and I hope that this kiss hasn't motivated him to get her back properly...and if it has - I still want him to fail!
I have problems with Logan Anderson too - my biggest one being that he only has cereal and tequila?! Who's stocking his fridge!? I can totally understand why Quinn would be tempted by someone like him if he's as muscly and toned as you're suggesting! But still...HES NOT JAMES, QUINN!
Speaking of James - don't dance with another girl when Quinn's right there!? God I'm so mad at the bost of them, I'm ready to bash their heads together. I'm glad that James was worried though, I'm a little less mad at him! A little.
Last little thing, I don't know if you're aware but in the UK there's a smoking ban in public places like bars, clubs, everywhere that isn't your house and outside essentially. I just noticed that Logan was smoking at the bar, and maybe wizarding laws are different? I just thought I'd let you know for future reference? Feel free to tell me to shut up!
All round this was another good read!
hhaha, well, quinn does like to hook up :D
and it was al who made the first move, she mostly just went with the flow (as usual). i like cocky al who, er, slithers in (much like logan anderson (why does his name sound so good said together?! just logan doesn't have the same ring to it :O ), and kind of takes what he wants.
if you read my upcoming oneshot about ethan, you'll learn why logan anderson has pretty much lived on alcohol and the occasional food item for the past year or so :/
and james - great response after seeing quinn and al snogging, right?!
yes, i know smoking is banned almost everywhere in the UK (my mother was raging about this when we were in london :D), it's similar in croatia (there's a loophole saying that if you have a proper ventilation system you can allow guests to smoke (no one actually does have a proper ventilation system but it's practically enough to say that you do)) but i went with wizards not really caring about smoking all that much (they love their pipes!), especially in night clubs (or pubs) :)
thanks for the lovely review!