OH MY GOD. SHOOT ME IN THE HEART. PIERCE MY SOUL. UGH. OUCH.
Okay, sorry, I'm here for CtF, as it seems Sam has gotten herself locked up again!
This was absolutely gorgeous.I absolutely love pretty language like this, so getting to read it was a real treat. :) That first paragraph is just poetry, I swear. It has such a nice meter and flow and do you write poetry? Because I think you should consider it. Likewise, is this a podcast? Because I would LOVE to listen to that.
I didn't know what this was about at first, I just didn't pay attention to the story shell, and honestly I think that's the way to read this. It took me a few paragraphs to figure out who was speaking and what she was about to do, and it made the heartbreak so much more acute. The whole thing was just so gradual for me, and I really think it made it more impactful.
I also really liked the way you incorporated the prompt you were given. It definitely plays out through the whole piece, and then
They're my parents, but, for them to survive, they can't be anymore.
That is such a beautiful adaption of Bellamy's quote. It's obviously inspired by it, but if I hadn't known that was your prompt, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. You just made the whole thing work so seamlessly! Beautiful. Aside from the more direct quote, you really did an excellent job of weaving the prompt into the whole story. You can see echos of it in that first paragraph (I might be obsessed with that first paragraph, who's to say?), and then again throughout the whole thing.
Alright, I’m off to go see if Sam’s gotten herself in anymore trouble. Thank you for the gorgeous read!
katie.- transferred for final exams
Transferred from HPFF
CtF Hufflepuff Review
This is one of the most heartbreaking moments in the series, even when we don’t see it. There is absolutely no way to think about this or pass it off that doesn’t destroy me. And since I apparently enjoy pain, I’m here to read your version of it =P
I think this was a really great moment to tie into threat quote from The 100. The show is all about having to make impossible decisions in impossible situations, and I think you’ve chosen a great moment from the hp series to represent that.
Your opening paragraph kept me out of the story a bit, as it was a bit unclear of whose perspective it was from. Were these Hermione’s thoughts, or just your thoughts as the narrator? The next paragraph, beginning “Everything is crackling” did a better job of grounding me in Hermione’s world and the story.
You introduce a side of Hermione that we don’t see f to much in the books, which is that she heavily relies on Ron and Harry. You did a good job of using that to deepen her struggle for having to do this alone, but I was really curious to know more about her dependence on them, as that was just quickly mentioned.
It hurts me that with the line “It is either this or put them in serious danger and I can’t allow them to suffer because of my choices” Hermione was trying to protect Ron and Harry with this act, more than protect her parents. It makes sense. She does need to emotionally distance herself from her parents in order to be able to do this in the first place.
I really like the line “I have to take away every last piece of me” It seems to not only literally apply to how she is changing the pieces of her in her parents’ minds and house, but in her own self. She is becoming a different person by doing this.
Yes, this broke my heart. Very rude. Whoops, I signed up for that. Darn.
I'm transferring reviews :)
Hey Amy! Lovely to meet you! This is the first story of yours I have read! And, ah, you can just break my heart, it's fine really... I LOVED this. I always love finding these little gems that are tiny but carry the biggest impact. You write so well, your words just flow beautifully. Your characterisation of Hermione is nice, I especially love this part: I doubt they realise how much I rely on them. It's so true. Hermione is tough, but she leans on Harry and Ron as much as they lean on her. I love it ♥ I think you made your prompt work absolutely perfectly, I am honestly in awe, because I know I wouldn't have a clue with what to do with a quote like that! Truly gorgeous work
♥ - Bianca
**transferring my response**
It's nice to meet you too! I would say sorry for breaking your heart, but I'm just not sorry :P
I've never been one for writing long pieces. I tend to say everything I want to say in the least amount of words. I never intend to, it just always happens.
People tend to look up to strong characters (and people) and don't always realise that they are just people who also need others to help them.
I was leaning towards doing a Snape becoming a double agent story or one with Lupin choosing to go and see if he could help the trio instead of staying with Tonks, but this one just came to me and had to be written!
Thank you so much for the review!
*Transferred from HPFF*
Hi Amy! I'm here with your requested review :)
So, this is really good. I love that you chose to get into Hermione's mind at such a vulnerable, scary moment for her. Obviously the war was something that scared her, but this moment is when it probably became its most personal for her - she literally had to make her parents forget that she existed, and erase herself from their life. And then send them halfway around the world. That cannot have been easy. And you really show that here in Hermione's thoughts in the beginning, how she's really struggling with what she has to do.
I really appreciate that you highlighted how Hermione really relied on Harry and Ron as much as they relied on her. We all know Harry wouldn't have gotten anywhere without Hermione's help, but she always comes across as so unflappable in the books and how she is so logical and has everything together. She doesnt talk about her feelings much in the books (understandably, because her two best friends are Harry and Ron and they'd have no idea what to do) so it's wonderful to have a look into her feelings here, especially at such an emotional time. And I think you've done really well in that regard, as it's kind of a struggle of head vs heart for her - her head wins, as she knows it will all along, but her heart hurts at what she has to do, and what has already been done. She's so fragile here, and all alone, and this scene just humanizes her so much. I love that you chose this scene to write and that you wrote it this well. The logic in her thought process is distinctly Hermione-ish, and there's so much feeling in addition to that. Really, this is beautiful.
And the ending - so simple, and so effective. Aghh. so sad.
As for CC: your grammar is wonderful, characterisation perfect. One thing kind of stood out to me in terms of continuity though. You mention that she's left a few things and everything else is packed, but then it makes me wonder: after she Obliviated her parents, did she go back into her room and pack up the remaining things before leaving? I kind of imagined her doing the spell and then going to finish packing and they hear that - or see her walking out - and they then find her and are confused :S Maybe this is a picky thing, haha. But I think it'd help with the scene (as well as fit with Hermione's characteristic planning-ahead-ness) to indicate how Hermione plans to make her exit without being noticed after doing the Obliviate spell.
Anyway, I really loved this, it was such a great read! Thanks for requesting! :)