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Name: Margaret (Signed) · Date: 15 Jun 2018 08:02 PM · [Report This]
Story:The Adventures of Arthur Weasley: Detective Games Chapter: Red Rover

Seems a bit unfair to expect the bear to change its name, After all, people do have the same names as each other. No reason there can't be two Teddys.

 

Oh, you've written that "it had never occurred to him the bear might now where it came from." It should be "know."

 

Aw, charming the snail shell to glow so the bear won't be scared is sweet.

 

I really like the detail about Fleur becoming plumper as she learns Molly's cooking. It gives a sense of time moving on and things changing. It's only minor but it makes her character seem less static.

 

Poor George. Losing your twin in such circumstances has to be an appalling loss. It's awful for all of them, of course. Losing a son is pretty horrific too. But Fred and George were practically always together and everything George does must remind him of Fred - their shop, playing Quidditch, coming home to the Burrow, their flat, making jokes, playing pranks, developing new products for the shop.

 

I can really see the similarity between Arthur and Ron. I never thought of it before but now it's mentioned, I think Ron is the child who resembles Arthur most.

 

*laughs at the castle having its own ideas about rebuilding* I would never have thought of that, but it's pretty unsurprising really.

 

I LOVE Molly's line about the war having taken enough. After losing Fred, she is bound to want to see all she can of her other children. And to be relieved that they made up with Percy.

 

And of course, sleeping in a room would two beds would be yet another reminder for George. And that part about Fred having bought the book for Arthur is so sad.

 

You've written that they'll go to the memorial site and "say our peace." It should be "piece."

 

And YES, Fred would LOVE all that stuff at his grave. *laughs at the toilet seat* He WOULD be amused.

 

You've written that the bear gave Buddy a nasty "freight", when it should be "fright."



Name: Margaret (Signed) · Date: 15 Jun 2018 07:42 PM · [Report This]
Story:The Adventures of Arthur Weasley: Detective Games Chapter: Hide and Seek

I will review Lucky Penny, but as I was scrolling down I came upon this and oooh, I have to read. I am a big detective story fan, ESPECIALLY Agatha Christie and Arthur Conan Doyle. And children becoming ill...also something I enjoy reading about for some weird reason.

 

And it is SO in character for Arthur Weasley to be fascinated by a Muggle detective. And now that I think of it, the wizarding world has some shades of Doyle's world. I mean their technology is quite late 19th century. So it would probably be more recognisable than modern day literature.

 

I can well imagine that the Ministry would be in a mess after the war. Coming from a country that was independent for less than a century, the idea of state building fascinates me. 

 

Oh, in the third paragraph, you've written Bill and Fluer when it should be Bill and Fleur.

 

REALLY glad they are removing the Dementors from Hogwarts.

 

And ooh, an ACTUAL Dr. Watson. I assumed you were using the term "Dr. Watson" as it's slang meaning as an assistant to a detective.

 

I LOVE the amount of detail in this - the detail about the Ministry and about the sewing shop. I wonder if that shop is going to be significant or if you are just giving a sense of the world.

 

Love the part where Arthur is thinking about the toaster. It just sounds so like him. You've captured his voice perfectly and it isn't an easy one to capture in my opinion. He's somewhat quirky without being Dumbledore or Luna style random, so it's a balance.

 

*grins* With 7 kids and that including Fred, George, Ron and Ginny (and probably Charlie too, given the job he chooses later on), I'd imagine Arthur and Molly have had a child get up to just about everything.

 

I can definitely see why Arthur would be wary of the toy. Between his own job (where he must have seen many objects to odd and dangerous things) and Ginny's experience her first year at Hogwarts, he's obviously going to be wary of any object that can think for itself.



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