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Reviews For Golden Girl

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 21 Oct 2018 01:48 PM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: Prolouge

Hi! Here for your request! (Sorry it took me so long to get back at you...)

You surely have an intriguing background for Vanessa... I am curious to learn more about her father's past, admitting that you'll dig into that. And yes, her mother's house didn't feel the safest... I'm not totally sure about how I feel for either of her parents, to be totally honest. But it looks like her father has her best interests at heart (even if he just disappeared for the first four years of her life?) so I guess I'm glad he took her away...

One thing that I felt a bit off about the prologue (but it might just be my personal impression) is that Vanessa's voice sounded quite unemotional here? I suppose you meant for this to be the recount of a much older Vanessa reminiscing these events? So maybe it's not that emotional due to the time distance? Or maybe is just that I would have liked if this was expanded just a tiny bit more? As I said, it's probably just my personal feeling, so don't think about it too much...

I think the flow was very good, though. And the dialogues were absolutely believable and the characters' voices sounded just right. Vanessa calling for her Mum felt so autentic, I can totally imagine a girl her age in that situation putting up a tantrum like that.

I'm very curious to see what will happen now that they'll be back to England... Guess I'll move on to the next chapter and get a peek on things. ;)

Thank you for your request :)

Chiara



Name: Rynna Aurelia (Signed) · Date: 16 Oct 2018 04:20 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: Prolouge

Hello, I'm here for your requested reviews!

First things first, I have to admit I was very intrigued by your title of "Golden Girl", even more so after reading an excellent first chapter. The daughter of an ex-Death Eater, much less that claims to have turned away from Voldemort, and after surviving a childhood as awful as this? Poor girl, I can hardly expect how she'll act at Hogwarts - or when confronted with the children of the Golden Trio and company.

As for flow, I thought this made a very gripping first chapter from start to finish; you focused on what was important, and barely wasted a word.If anything, I was almost breathless from the pace you set, but this seemed intentional and very realistic from Vanessa's point of view, considering her age and the Firewhiskey.

I quickly became invested in Vanessa and her fate, especially after something like this, and I loved how you'd drop useful exposition - details about Vanessa's conditions, the fact her father's a Death Eater, etc - but you never made it seem like an info dump. The dialogue never became stilted, and it seemed to be a very natural flow.

Great job, and I look forward to the next!

-Maya



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 14 Oct 2018 10:54 AM · [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: Prolouge

Hello! I'm here with your requested review from the forums! :)

 

Wow, what a start. What a horrible childhood Vanessa has had, and I imagine this is going to affect her long into the future. Like, each of her parents are pretty horrible and tbh I can't imagine how they ever got together in the first place! The firewhiskey - that's awful. And then the fact that her dad uses her as a pawn to get back at her mother. And then based on the last few paragraphs it sounds like she was moving around a lot as a child, which would mean she's never really had friends. She is so alone. I'm really glad she is going to Hogwarts at least, where she will have a community to belong to, but I think it'll be a hard adjustment for her. I guess I'll have to wait and see!

 

Her dad's history is interesting too and I doubt this is the last we will hear about his former death eater connections. Regardless of his past and the fact that he is just spiteful in the beginning, it seems he does grow to care for Vanessa, so that's nice to see at least. I'm curious how they will fit in back in England after so long.

 

So you asked about flow of the story and whether it reads well. I cant comment on the flow as a whole, after reading just one chapter, but this chapter is paced well. You focus on the most important part when she is taken away from home, and then a few paragraphs is enough to summarize after that. If you want, one thing you could consider adding is more description in the beginning -what the house looked like, etc. Of course, maybe you didn't include it because she's only four and doesn't remember that by the time she's narrating this. I just like description, haha. But it's up to you -it's still great as is.

 

One thing I would recommend fixing though is the spelling of 'prologue' in the chapter title ;)

 

Anyway I think you have a very good start! It's definitely effective to hook the reader in, and you raise a lot of questions that I'm curious to find out the answers to. Great work!!



Name: godslayer (Signed) · Date: 13 Oct 2018 04:01 PM · starstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: Prolouge

First off I’m just gonna say it’s one heck of a prologue. Lots of action.

It offers a compelling backstory for Vanessa and kinda sets her up for why she might act a certain way in the story. I’m particularly interested in how (if it does at all) Vanessa’s infancy impacts her adolescent life. Anything that traumatic is bound to have an impact and it just adds to potential internal conflict. I am always here for internal conflict.


Another juicy tidbit: ex-Death Eater? How did he escape persecution? Are they hiding under a fake name so that Vanessa doesn’t get bullied? So many questions, I must read more to find out!


Only part that puts me off a little is a four year old being capable of producing coherent sentences. But that’s it.

 

Overall consensus: interesting backstory, would continue to read to find out more about Vanessa and her family. It’s a bit difficult to review a prologue to be honest, but you’ve definitely got an interesting premise!



Name: The Heir of Slytherin (Signed) · Date: 13 Oct 2018 04:47 AM · [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: One

Back! Had to know more.

 

The introductions to your characters was great. Straight into the action and putting in the relevant information as it was necessary. I love stories like that, where the writers show us who the characters are by what they do and say in the action around them, and you did it here really well. 

 

What is Gabby’s last name? You mentioned her being Scorpius’ cousin, but her and Ely didn’t have last names in the chapter, so I’m just curious. I loved seeing all the canon last names, a Slytherin Potter in a sea of Slytherin/Death Eater’s children. I wonder how his family took that. I imagine Harry and Hermione being all right with it, maybe Ron. Funny images in my head.

 

Scorpius’ potion use is an interesting development. Everyone always writes his personality so differently, I look forward to seeing what you do with him. And Albus.

 

And the summary says this is an Albus/OC and I’m assuming the OC is Vanessa, so I can’t wait to see what goes on between Albus, Vanessa, and Toby.

 

Good start, I’ll be back for more soon. :)

 

Sam



Name: The Heir of Slytherin (Signed) · Date: 13 Oct 2018 04:22 AM · starstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: Prolouge

Hello, I’m here from the forums review thread!

 

You’ve definitely got an interesting beginning. I feel like I’ve been pulled into this family’s life and now I’m invested in what happens next, how Mark will feel being back in England, what Vanessa will do and be like there, how her mother will play into it (if we haven’t seen the last of her, that is). It’s very cool.

 

A good prologue, I enjoyed the backstory very much. I will definitely be back for more. 

 

Sam.



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 06 Oct 2018 10:56 PM · [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: One

Hello! I'm here from the forums with your requested review

 

I couldn't just leave it at the prologue, I had to no what happened next :P Also omg the Shiralee, I remember watching that in school and absolutely loving it! So I think the prologue was a really great set up. I felt sympathetic toward the kind of childhood that Vanessa must have had, and it also introduced some stakes with her father's dark past and the fact that he chose to go back to England.

 

I had a little giggle at how much contraband Astrid confiscated from first years. I can't believe they haven't even started school and are already looking for ways to get out of it :P

 

I tihnk the dialogue between the Quidditch-ites on the train comes across naturally. They seem like a strong, organised team who is aware of each other's strengths and weaknesses, so I'm excited to see a possible Quidditch game in the future :)

 

Ooh but Vanessa is involved in something naughty. I'm interested to see how that develops, especially since Scorpius is involved. And it's interesting that Vanessa can see the Thestrals! I wonder who she saw die?

 

Toby seems sweet enough! But since this is an Albus/OC fic, I'm interested to see how that unfolds! This was a great chapter, I really enjoyed it, and getting to know your lovely characters. I can't quite guess where the story will go just yet, but I'm excited to find out!



Author's Response:

Hey victoria_anne! Thank you so much for popping in, I really appreciate.

 

You feel for my trap, hehe! I know that the prologue isn't suited to everyone's taste, but it definitely inspires the feeling of sympathy and compels you to want to know more about Vanessa. You are the first person I've come across that has seen The Shiralee, and I'm so glad that you loved it. It's obviously rather old now but it's become a bit of classic as far as Australian TV mini-series go, and it definitely holds a soft spot in my heart. I don't know how much of the show you remember, but you can probably imagine what the rest of Vanessa's childhood continues in a similar fashion.

 

I wanted to let the reader feel how well the team worked together and understand the chemistry that they have as a team. It is something that I am trying to work on in my writing, and that is the whole ‘show, don't tell' philosophy. Having the characters talk and interact was a way to achieve that without having a massive block of descriptive text. Sometimes it works, other times it can become a bit stagnant.

 

I can't wait to share the backstory being why she can see Thestrals but unfortunately, you're going to have to wait on that one.

 

I will have to pop back in and request more reviews from you in the future because this one was so wonderful. Thank you so much!

 

 

Rhi :)



Name: Chemical_Pixie (Signed) · Date: 30 Sep 2018 12:03 PM · [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: One

Here for your requested review, Rhi!

 

The journey on the Hogwarts Express is such a classic way to begin a story. There's such a familiarity with this arch, since most of us began our Hogwarts journey on the Hogwarts Express with Harry, and it is a fitting beginning to our hero's journey, which is an essential aspect to the Western literature tradition. This story is no exception! 

 

A lot unfolds in this chapter, which means there's lots of promise for an interesting upcoming story!

 

First, I like how you use names at first to allude to what House Vanessa belongs to. It's no great stretch to think of her as a Slytherin with her father's background, but it's nice to see how well she fits in with the girls. They all carry such powerful, Slytherin names, and you capture the dynamic of sixteen-year-old girls well.

 

Second, the boys. I like how Albus is so Quidditch-driven, and having him lose to James the year before is a great way to show what he wants. It makes him likeable and vulnerable and I can't wait to read more of him! And Scorpius: what does he need help with and why is Vanessa hesitant to give it, especially after almost getting caught? 

 

Third, Vanessa's relationship with Toby: it's kind of cute, actually. They seem to be a pretty solid couple. Since this is an Albus/OC fic and I already am shipping Albus with Vanessa, I'm so curious to the demise of this relationship--despite it being rather cute! I like their confidence in expressing their feelings towards each other and their commitment to carve out time to see each other.

 

Again, you've set up lot intriguing plot points in this chapter. I have lots of questions and look forward to reading more!

 

P.S. I am really fond of Astrid Nott. I hope to see more of her!



Author's Response:

Hello again!

 

I'd love to answer some of the things your brought up in this review. I'm glad you enjoyed the start on the Hogwarts Express. There's also the danger because it's such a cliché, but it's one that I always enjoy reading myself. It was important to me to establish Vanessa amongst a supportive group where she feels at home (I at least owe her that after her horrible start) and using the train ride felt like the perfect way to do that.

 

The opening of a story is always my favourite. It's a rather personal experience as a writer because you learn about all different characters. Their loves, fears, dreams... what makes them tick. I really enjoy Astrid, she's a fun character but I find her one of the more difficult ones to write. She's a bit more aloof and in her own lane compared to the others. Scorpius is the same in similar ways.

 

I think what drives Albus is that he desperately wants to succeed on his own merits and is willing to do anything to achieve that. He doesn't want to cruise through, even though he potentially could, being Harry Potter's son and all. Ely is the most fun for me to write purely because the girl has zero filter which leads to some pretty interesting conversations and plot points.

 

As for Toby, the only hint that I'll give you is that when it does breaks down, there's going to be carnage.

 

As always, thanks for the stella review. I really appreciate all the questions and feedback. It definitely helps with steering the plot and keeping everything in check for me.

 

 

Rhi :)



Name: Chemical_Pixie (Signed) · Date: 30 Sep 2018 11:43 AM · [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: Prolouge

Hey Rhi! Here for your requested review!

 

What a prologue. Wow... Vanessa's beginnings aren't ideal for anyone. Her parents are quite unlikeable, actually. I think that Marcus really doesn't have a right to come to their home and punch the other man, especially if that's the first time he's been there since Vanessa was born. Abigail has fallen on some desperate times, and she seems to be doing what she needs to do to survive... but drugging her child? Ugh, so irresponsible and vile! Vanessa definitely needs to be removed from that setting... But is Marcus a suitable alternative?

 

Where was he for the first four years of Vanessa's life? And as an exiled Death Eater as struggling to survive, I wonder if he's even able to provide her with the basics. Not to mention that he assumes that there is a collective 'we' when he discovers Abigail with someone else. Sorry, buddy, but if you haven't been around for years, I have a hard time buying into your right be in this family group. 

 

In your request, you mention characterization and description. If you're going for unlikeable parents, you've hit the nail on the head. Because of Vanessa's upbringing, I'm curious to know more about her, especially since she's leaving her homeland for Hogwarts! As for description, I would have liked to have seem more description on her relationship with her dad when she's older, especially since he chooses her and Vanessa says that they've grown into a team. It's still early in the story, so I'm sure I'll get to read more about their relationship!

 

You've done well in setting up an intriguing OC. Her beginnings are lacking, but I wonder what will unfold during her time at Hogwarts? And what can the plot possibly be? Hmm... Only one way to find out!



Author's Response:

Hey Abby, thank you so much for leaving such a in depth review (also, so it's taken me a minute to respond).

 

I was a little concerned that the prologue could potentially be a little dark, but I felt as though I really needed to lay a solid foundation for Vanessa's character. With a start to life like that, you can only imagine how she grows into such a complex, and damaged individual.

 

You always hope that parents would do what is best for the child, but Vanessa is used in a power struggle between two feuding parties, with an inability to fight back or speak out. That's why I needed her to be so young.; she is old enough for her to have some good memories of her mum, but also young enough that the abuse has become a suppressed memory. It's just a question of what psychological damage it has done to her.

 

I definitely agree with you that more description would have been nice. I really wish I had included more but I felt as though it was already approaching being too long for a prologue. If I had continued, I wouldn't have been able to stop with all the monumental events that happened in her childhood. Cause I can guarantee you, it didn't stop here. I do definitely plan on including a lot more details into her relationship with both her parents as her story progresses.

 

Thanks again for the review. Rest assured I'll be back to request more from you some time in the future.

 

 

Rhi :) 



Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 17 Aug 2018 01:25 PM · [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: Prolouge

 

Hello,

 

So I thought this was a really intense chapter, I'm not familiar with the source material so I can only go on what you've written here. I thought it was really well written on really a difficult subject. The fight you created between the parents was really intense and really horrible. It's difficult to know who is in the right here? as later in the chapter you say that he only took Vanessa to spite her mother but I guess in the process she will get a better life.

 

I thought the backstory was a really strong one for your OC so it's going to be interesting to see your take on how that will develop and shape her in future chapters. I like how you developed the relationship between her and her father over time that the feelings weren't obvious and the connection wasn't instant but they learn to rely on each other.

 

The family you've created here isn't really one that anyone would envy but I'm glad her dad chose to face the music with going back to England with her. Vanessa deserves her chance at a good education and feel like she belongs somewhere because it feels like she would be quite lost as a character floating from place to place. I really like the subtle reference to it being nineteen years later which we know is Rose/Albus's year too! This chapter has a lot of promise! Look forward to seeing what comes next!

 

- Abbi xo

 

Quodpot - Match 1 - Friends to Lovers 

 



Author's Response:

Crimson Quill, thank you so much for leaving a review!

 

I know what you mean by it being difficult to know which parent is in the right. I'm inclined to say neither are? Haha. It's a pretty horrible situation all round.

 

Please come back and read more.

 

Thank you,

Finefrenzy__



Name: Phoenix Potioneer (Signed) · Date: 12 Aug 2018 07:55 PM · [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: One

This review is for Quodpot, match 1, friends to lovers theme.

 

Well from first impressions, Ely seems to be a... interesting character. Those poor first years.

 

HAHA so what, Astrid confiscates illegal skiving snackboxes and dungbombs from first years, and then gives it to her friends to keep? Such a golden move. I'm already highly intrigued by Astrid. That is brilliant.

 

Let's see, the people introdcued so far have the last name of Zabini, Nott, Rowle... am I correct in thinking that these are all Slytherin girls?

 

Vera came out to her parents? As what, gay or something else? Good for her!

 

So Albus has a cousin named Winifred? Cool. I wonder which Weasley kid's child he is.

 

I wonder which position Vanessa plays in Quidditch? Guess I'll probably find out at some point.

 

Huh so Scorpius has not a drug problem, but a potion problem? Interesting. And if Vanessa is supplying him that means that she must be pretty good at potions.

 

Wait, Vanessa can see the thestrals? Who did she see die? I'm trying to think... her mom was left alive... her dad's alive I think... who did she see die? Very strange.

 

Professor Sprout is headmistress? That's awesome! I totally support that. :)

 

Filch is STILL caretaker. How many generations of students has he seen now?

 

I really don't know much about her relationship with Toby other than the fact that they kiss an awful lot. I guess we'll see if they stay together? If he visited her in Australia, which is halfway across the world, he clearly likes her a lot. I have a feeling they're going to break up though.

 

Glad you've finally written it after having the idea swim around for years! I know the feeling.



Author's Response:

Hello again Phoenix Potioneer!

 

Secretly between you and me, Ely is one of my favourite characters to write. She's got so much fire! You would be correct in thinking that we have just been introduced to the Slytherin girl cohort, I really wanted to create a solid foundation of what the common Slytherin traits are, but have them manifest differently in each person differently. Sometimes I struggle with how some Slytherin's are represented in fanfiction; being one myself, I can defientely see the negative sides of the house (and rest assured, those traits will be apparent in all of these characters). My aim is to try and reshape the sterotypical view of Slytherin and turn it on its head.

 

As for Winifred? It's Fred II Weasley of course! I know it's not canon, and I am making a giant leap here, but I thought it would be poetic if George had twin girls. Winifred is my take on her being named after her late uncle.

 

And Filch is most certainly due for some much deserved long service leave.

 

Thank you once again,

Finefrenzy__



Name: Phoenix Potioneer (Signed) · Date: 12 Aug 2018 07:22 PM · [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: Prolouge

This review is for Quodpot, match 1, friends to lovers theme.

 

The beginning of this... I feel so sorry for Vanessa. She witnessed this awful fight between her parents at 4 years old... 

 

Ooooh her father's an ex-Death Eater on the run? Is it a canon Death Eater or a non-canon Death Eater? It'll be interesting to see this play out. You say his name is Mark Blackwell, but is that the fake-name-because-I'm-on-the-run sort of name or his real one?

 

Wait, wait. I was mostly okay with the mom until I hear that she gave Vanessa firewhiskey? She gave a 4-year-old firewhiskey? Oh my goodness. Now I thoroughly dislike both parents.

 

It is interesting how a screaming 4-year-old on a public space (a train) screaming for her mom and saying the man she's with isn't her dad didn't cause anybody to look their way or investigate. But maybe they just didn't know/care or they just thought she was just having a regular tantrum.

 

It's really interesting how Vanessa remembers all of this, even though she was very young. Just goes to show how traumatic it must have been if she remembers this that clearly. :(

 

Hmmm, so the dad turned on Voldemort? That sounds interesting. He's not quite as bad as I originally thought. And it is really interesting that, even after the war, even after Voldemort died, he still had to hide. I understand why, of course, and you explained it pretty well. I just never really considered that before.

 

She got her Hogwarts letter from Australia? I would presume that only British residents would get Hogwarts letters, and she doesn't live in Britain anymore. Couldn't she had just gone to whatever Australian school there is and then they wouldn't have to leave their home?

 

I wonder what woman her father fell in love with. Hopefully we'll find out.

 

19 years since her dad's been in England, eh? That probably means Vanessa is entering Hogwarts at the same time as Albus Potter. Hopefully we'll see him pop up.

 

Great introduction, and wonderful way of making us feel for Vanessa right from the start. That's a really bad situation for anyone to be in. I can't wait to see how it all goes!

 



Author's Response:

Hi Phoenix Potioneer, thanks for the review!

 

I'd love to answer some of your questions! So here goes:

 

Regarding her father being an ex-death eater. He's definitely not a canon character in the traditional sense. I like to take a lot of creative liberty when it comes to expanding JKR's Harry Potter Universe. I really believe that there would have been a plethora of other characters that we've never heard about in the series, so not canon, but not AU. In fact, I like to imagine that the wizarding community is larger than it actually is, haha.

 

Obviously Vanessa's past is very traumatic and has/will leave an impression on her. Let's be honest, both her parents have failed her at this stage, neither of them are great. But I am glad you picked up about the onlookers on the train. It was deliberate. In my experience, most people won't intervene unless it's something that directly effects them. All I will say, if you're truly curious, is that, like you said, Vanessa was very young when this happened, and someone interfering with her and her dad on the train probably would register with her. Though, in my mind, I see an kind elderly lady holding her till see fell asleep after giving her a chocolate (but that's just a little tid bit that got cut).

 

As for her Hogwarts letter? I always envisioned that she was offered a place at both schools, seeing as she's of Australian and British descent. It was her father that chose that she'd go to Hogwarts (because it's his alma mater (and it serves my purpose as a writer obviously)) Haha.

 

But thank you once again for your review, I really appreicate it (and the questions) :)

Finefrenzy__



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 11 Aug 2018 04:36 PM · [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: One

Quodpot Review: Match 1 - Friends to Lovers

 

Hi again!

 

I thought that you handled the jump forward in time here following on from the prologue, when Vanessa was just going to the UK to start at Hogwarts, well.  It was evident quite early on that the characters were now in their later years at Hogwarts, either sixth or seventh year, and Vanessa has quite a group of friends around her. 

 

I liked the way you dropped little hints through the start of the chapter which helped us build up a picture about Vanessa and her background at Hogwarts without explicitly stating everything - the details about her house and her being a Quidditch player, for example.

 

I'm really intrigued to find out more about the relationships and dynamics between the different characters that we've seen here.  There's obviously some tension between some of the girls and then Vanessa (so far) seems to get on well with everyone, so it's going to be interesting to see that explored through the course of the story.  The fact that she seems to be dating (?) Toby at the moment has made me very curious about how you're going to bring about the relationship between Vanessa and Albus in the story.  They already know each other and seem to be friends, but I'll enjoy seeing how that develops!

 

The dialogue flowed well, too, and felt very realistic.  The only suggestion I have is that maybe you could balance out the dialogue with a little more description/narrative in this chapter.  The scene on the train when there are so many characters, with only a few mentions of how they relate to each other, felt a little overwhelming at times and a bit more difficult to follow than the rest of the chapter.

 

I'm fascinated by Vanessa seeming to supply Scorpius with potions, though!  I have so many questions about that!  She's clearly not the model student that she might have first appeared, seeing her surrounded by friends and playing Quidditch, but I can't wait to learn more about that aspect of her life at Hogwarts, too!

 

Sian :)



Author's Response:

Hello again Sian!

 

Thank you so much for another review, I really appreciate the feedback.

 

I definitely try to implement the philosophy of 'show, don't tell' in my writing; whether I succeed at it is another matter, haha.

 

But I definitely wanted to ensure that the reader was aware that Vanessa (and her friends), are multi-faceted and complex. It's my aim that each chapter reveals a little bit more about someone else. I've always been fasinated by characters that are well rounded, complicated and well... real. So I've tried my best to emulated that in my writing. So thank you for commenting on that :)

 

I will definitely work on description/ narrative. That is one of many things in my writing that I know I need to work on, so once again, thank you for some constructive feedback. All I want is for my writing to improve, so feedback like that is great because I know what to work on.

 

Thanks again,

Finefrenzy__



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 11 Aug 2018 03:51 PM · [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: Prolouge

Quodpot Review: Match 3 - chapters with zero reviews

 

Hello!

 

I love a good next generation story, and your summary for this one was really striking and I couldn't resist reading further.  It's only a sentence but it's heavy with possible meaning and I really wanted to find out more.  Even from reading only the prologue so far, I can see how the weight of expectation might weigh on Vanessa, and how her story and her father's background will affect her time at Hogwarts.

 

The opening sentences of this chapter drew me in so well - I was immediately asking questions about why she hadn't seen her father until she was four years old, and what was going to happen next when he found her mum with another man.  It was such an intriguing opening to the story and really captured my attention.

 

The scene between Vanessa's parents was so intense and dramatic.  It was really well written, and there's obviously a lot of conflict in Vanessa's past which I imagine could come up again in the future.

 

Vanessa's dad doesn't sound like a particularly nice man, but equally her mum wasn't taking good care of her at all when she was with her.  I can understand why her dad took her, but it must have been so terrifying for her when she was torn from the only life she knew and had to go with her father.  They seem to have developed a closer relationship though, and the fact that he chose to go with her and return to Britain rather than safety and the country he loves speaks volumes about how much he cares for her.

 

I'm really intrigued to see what happens next when Vanessa goes to Hogwarts!

 

Sian :)



Author's Response:

Hey nott theodore!

 

Thanks so much for your review. It'a great getting feedback, especially such positivity like yours :)

 

I'm really glad that Vanessa's background drew you in so well. If I'm honest, I found it pretty difficult trying keeping the balance because it is the opening chapater and it is such a heavy subject matter straight off the bat. You will definitely see some developement in Vanessa's character, with a lot of it arching back to her upbringing. Something this monumental is sure to leave a impression on our protaginist as her story continues.

 

Please come back and read more!

 

Many thanks,

Finefrenzy__



Author's Response:

Hey nott theodore!

 

Thanks so much for your review. It'a great getting feedback, especially such positivity like yours :)

 

I'm really glad that Vanessa's background drew you in so well. If I'm honest, I found it pretty difficult trying keeping the balance because it is the opening chapater and it is such a heavy subject matter straight off the bat. You will definitely see some developement in Vanessa's character, with a lot of it arching back to her upbringing. Something this monumental is sure to leave a impression on our protaginist as her story continues.

 

Please come back and read more!

 

Many thanks,

Finefrenzy__



Author's Response:

Hey nott theodore!

 

Thanks so much for your review. It'a great getting feedback, especially such positivity like yours :)

 

I'm really glad that Vanessa's background drew you in so well. If I'm honest, I found it pretty difficult trying keeping the balance because it is the opening chapater and it is such a heavy subject matter straight off the bat. You will definitely see some developement in Vanessa's character, with a lot of it arching back to her upbringing. Something this monumental is sure to leave a impression on our protaginist as her story continues.

 

Please come back and read more!

 

Many thanks,

Finefrenzy__



Name: LocutusOfBorg (Anonymous) · Date: 31 Jul 2018 08:32 AM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Golden Girl Chapter: One

I remember coming across this story on HPFF. The prologue intrigued me, and seeing that it hadn't been updated for years, I wondered why the writer didn't finish a story that appeared so promising. I'm glad you're continuing with it.

 

Albus/OC stories are the ones that I usually prefer in the Next Generation era. The character of Vanessa seems to be brilliant, especially if their is character development as the story progresses. Also, I would like to see your portrayal of Albus, as he is (IMO) the best character to write about in this era.

 

Brilliant chapter. I hope to see updates soon. 



Author's Response:

Hey, thanks for the feedback. I'm usually so nervous when it comes to posting my work on a public forum, so it's good to hear the this was reasonably well recieved.

 

I agree with you about Albus/OC being my favourite to read (as well as obviously write as well). I find that it's a greater mix of characters that we already know as opposed to James II year or above.

 

Please come back soon to read more.

 

Regards, 

Finefrenzy__



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