Hi Pix, here for 5/5 prize reviews and let me just apologize in advance for how long this is going to be.
Alrighty then. So I love Wren Longbottom right off the bat -- she's a very perfect mixture of her parents Neville and Hannah, and I just love that. She's tender and caring for animals and plants alike so I KNOW she's a great friend to the whole Weasley-Potter + Scorpius crew. The flashing bunny thing at the beginning didn't really register with me until later when Wren and the bunny are practically inseparable and it bites her all of time. ALBUS AND SCORPIuS BLESS THEM. They're the two best friends ever and have such a great dynamic. The relationship between James and Albus, however, seems like it took a dark turn for some reason after James turned seventeen, but we really don't get an explanation as to why. I get the whole siblings prank each other thing, but james takes it very far past the line, and I honestly don't know how Harry & Ginny don't know about all of the crap James and Albus do to each other (but mostly to Albus). I really like how you came up with the anti-jinx armbands & charms etc -- ingenious way of doing things + in conjunction with the constant stealing back and forth of the Marauders Map. I was cautious immediately of Dillon right off the bat, especially with how the bunny bit Wren and she instantly said she'd take care of it. I WAS ONTO HIM FROM THE START! But obviously had no idea what he was until you got to the new History of Magic professor and started talking about vampires and then it was like a lightbulb went off. I also had early suspicions too about Nate, but he just felt very suspicious to me--obviously he's totally fine, it was just the uncle to worry about. :P
You've done an amazing job weaving this story together with all of its threads to a culmination point that doesn't exactly jump out at you nor is easy to see way off in the distance, but rather approaches steadily with a twist for good measure. I really like the detail you put into this piece with everyone's threads, not just Wren's main storyline. I'd love to see more in the future with Wren & Nate's friendship and just generally speaking more of their final year at Hogwarts and after that as well. Honestly Pix, you could do like a whole series with these characters and I'd read it all. Well done :)
Wow, it has been TOO long not to respond to this incredible review. Actually, I thought I already had. Ooops! Thanks so much for reading this entire fic and then giving me a nice rundown in the end. I love hearing the overall impression people get from this. It lets me know if I've accomplished what I set out to do or not. I'm glad you like Wren. I did put a lot of effort into her, finding the balance and giving her some recognizable traits from her parents was a fun thing. Haha, I loved creating the friendship between Al and Scorpius in a way that I imagined it. The sibling thing wasn't really the story I wanted to tell between Al and James, but I needed James to be a right prat in order for other things to happen, so that was probably an author misstep, not giving that thread a good amount of backstory. The important thing is that they got some closure from the experience and came out of it with a closer brotherly bond. They're smart, like their parents. Smart kids always find a way. Yeah, Dillon was a little mastermind of his own, but I wanted him to remain indefinitely immature. Otherwise, he'd have taken over the world. Muhuhahaha! Just kidding. That was never my end game. Nate was a red herring, but I had fun with him too. He's a good kid.
Aww, thanks! I still think about these characters from time to time. Wren and Nate would make a great team in their seventh year. Al would probably still be a little green about their friendship, but I would like to think he'd mature about it, since Wren is very much a devoted type of girl. Thanks so much for reading this whole beast!
Quodpot Review for Match 2
I missed Smeed. And I remembered I liked the name, “Burns”, I guess it’s from Robert Burns, a Scottish Poet?
I’m relieved to know McGonagall woke up. And Nate’s uncle entered. I remembered Nate was a good guy. And yeah, the rodents, not rabbits. They are so scary, vampires. Oh, Wren was so kind to Dillon who had controlled her and poor rabbits. But her words for the boy is also plausible. I got complicated. Which should I believe in, Smeed or Wren? Reading more, I trusted in Smeed’s thought. With Albus Potter’s support mentally, Wren made up her mind. Have I told you, Pixi before? It’s quite unique that the protagonist is Neville’s child not Harry’s. So Wren is brave just like her father in this chapter.
Reading Dillon’s thought, I felt for him, his remembering his mother’s words. Hmm…it’s so intriguing to know the end. If he were destined to be destructed, it will be sad itself.
I can’t judge which is better way…
I chuckled at the spot, Scorp said “I kicked one in the head”. He is very much a Slytherin, the characteristic is surely inherited from his father Draco.
At the next scene, I held my breath. All stars gathered around to protect Hogwarts and children.
Agh, again, I changed my mind. Dillon became a small Voldemort. Smeed was right. They have to beat him down. Oh, what a chaos, massive bookshelves collapsed as the oversized rabbit forced its way out of the Restricted Section. I felt sorry for Madam Pince. What will she feel at it when she woke up?
I held my breath again. Wren or the rabbit? It’s a problem. Albus observed the situation very well especially for her, she needed the rabbit.
What a twists and turns! I thought the happy ending came finally when Wren did it, but it didn’t end. What a close, Albus. Bunny sacrificed her(him)self.
I like the last descriptions about her thought mainly about Albust and her family and her life before. A great chapter! So many things happened at once. I remembered the last scene, Harry defeated Voldemort.
I miss Smeed too. A long time ago, I think I promised him his own story, but I got very sidetracked, and now I can't remember anything about it. He is just so INTERESTING and I know he has a lot to tell me. I'm hoping that one day, he will.
Haha, Burns is not from the poet. It's just because he loves flamethrowers. It's not as elegant an idea as yours. :P
Yes, I wanted to do Neville's child. No one writes about his children that I've read. I thought it was the perfect place to play, where no one had written before. I'd love to think that if Neville had a child, they'd be close to the Potter and Weasley children too, especially if she's the same age.
Ah, that's the question in this story. How do you know what is meant to be saved, and what cannot be saved? These are tough questions, and Wren has to figure out her own answers. Scorpius likes to be funny. I let him have a short funny moment, even when he's trying to be serious. The poor boy isn't taken very seriously anyway.
This was a fun chapter to write, and also a difficult one. Wren needed to have everything come together to make it work, and also make some tough decisions.
Thanks again for your words!
Transferred from the old hpff,
15th May 2016:
Hi, Pix. I'm so slow to keep reading, but I'll drop my feedback today. :)
This chapter has much progress in the plot.
1. Dillon arrived at the front gate of Hogwarts finally. His strong desire and his bizarre behavior will be centered in the next chapter. It's very intriguing. I feel sorry for him that the invitation letter from Hogwarts wasn't sent to him. But I'm sure he is too dangerous to learn magicks with the other wizards and witches.
2. I nominated the cutest couple, your Albus and Wren for Golden Paws Award 2016, which I don't regret. You made us anxious about their getting together. Albus is too simplistic, he thinks only for tomorrow with Wren, practicing Charms. He feels happy to be with Wren as their younger days, childhood friends. On the other hand, Wren wishs that they will get together, date at Hogsmeade trip. Readers expect and wait for Albus' next move towards Wren. Oh, no, her unfilled emotion invited Dillon's evil thought. Albus, save her! You have no time!
3. Welcome back, Smeed and Burns. Hmm, a bat carried a letter, interesting. The description of the bat leaving is super! Very picturesque, I like it, Pix!
Aww, thanks Kenny! I had a review response from the old place, but I guess it went away. Dillon's story is sad, but it's a bad idea to let him into Hogwarts. Yay for Albus and Wren! They do make a cute couple, I think. Albus' mind is much simpler than Wren's is. She's always thinking too much, but it should get better soon.
Thanks for the review!
Transfferred from ffnet,
Hi, Pix! Finally I could came back to your story. This chapter is great to read! I was so thrilled at many scenes you set. I'm a little relieved to know McGonagall was not contaminated completely.
It's good for Wren that her father started doing action about Dillon and the other Ravenclaws plus contaminated professors and Hogwarts staffs. I hope it's not too late.
Readers including me can't stop reading, holding breath caring the relationship between Wren and Albus, Rose and Scorp, then you gave us bright future for the two pairings. It's a very promising turn. I like it.
So many adventures as usual, that's why I like your story. I hope Wren's group and her dad will find a way to rescue everyone, including even a young bad boy,Dillon.
I'm not sure if I responded to your reviews on ffnet or not, but I'm responding now, finally. Yeah, I wanted Neville to be useful, but I also wanted the main characters to be responsible for the ultimate solution to the problem. Otherwise, it would have turned into Neville's story instead. Maybe one day I'll write a Neville story. That would be quite fun!
Thanks for another great review!
Transffered from ffnet,
Hi, Pixi. It's been a while since I stopped by last time. I'm happy to be back to this story again. I enjoyed this chapter very much. I couldn't stop reading it.
I had expected that Rose would be saved sooner after the attack in the previous chapter. The scene began with chaos. Most of the prefects and teachers were contaminated by the rodents controlled by Dillon. James was so thick around his school crisis. I chuckled at his behaviour, he wouldn't let go the map to Albus. He was so obsessed with it. :D It was lucky his brother had Harry's ability to face the difficult situation. I felt a new dream team was going to be formed. Albus, Wren, Rose, James, Scorpius and Callie, Lori. And Wren knows how to break Dillon's power, tea!
It's no good Madam Pince gave in to Dillon's power and oh no, our McGonagall was contaminated, too? Great chapter!
This is where the story gets very chaotic. We see how bad things can get before things can get better. If Wren hadn't had that tea, things could have easily gotten way out of control. Even worse than they were. Could you imagine?
Transffered from ffnet,
Hi, Pix! I finally came back after a long time.
It's fun to read Rose's true feeling towards Scorpius. Oh, was she attacked, too? I hope Scorp will rescue her soon.
Woa...Gran got herself back. She has her style. Your depictions about her is marvelous! I guess Wren will miss her, but she gave her enough advice how to fight with Dillon and Smeed and the Council are on Wren's side, there's no worry.
I'm amazed by your work to reveal the way to solve the problem (at mystery) in the latter part of the whole story. Mine is haphazard. I learnt a lot from your story.
I think you forgot to insert the break line before Scorp's thought with the sentence, "Scorpius couldn't believe that he was holding a Potter family secret right in his own hands."
Ha ha ha, I like the plot Scorp quickly Scourgified himself being afraid of airborne contagions after he read Muggle spy books Rose had lent him.
What a close! If Scorp hadn't had the map, Dillon's monster bunny would have sucked her blood deadly.
I'll be back again. :)
Rose finally admits her feelings. It's not an easy thing to do when you've been pretending for so long. I loved giving Gran a good come back. She deserved to be on her feet again with her right mind. Plotting is my favorite kind of puzzle. Sometimes I have to work through it backwards. It's a lot of work, but it ends up in a big payoff in the end.
Thanks for another review!
Transffered from ffnet,
I really love the idea that Harry's study has so many protection spells, that the Potter brothers can do magic outside of Hogwarts. I ask you more to write about Harry and his sons. I like it. :)
The scene that Albus tried to help Wren to gain her magical skills, is sweet. Painting practice in the air is beautifully written. So many bandages Albus had. It reminded me of the scary incident. I hope he wouldn't have such hardships anymore.
Oh, you save the sweetest moment in the next chapter. Albus got jealous of Wren and Nate, which is just like Harry who did the same reaction against Ginny and Dean in his school days.
Poor Albus. His frustration was well described in his quarrel with James. Sometimes it's interesting that not a few authors set Scoripus as his best friend who understands him very well.
Lol at Scorpius' chin. I remembered my child took some kinds of picutres, like his opened mouth zoomed in, etc. Wren was also jealous of Serena who got well along with Scorpius.
Finally Wren knew the truth. I wished Wren's father, Neville would help her and find a clue to solve all troubles in which she was stuck, but oh I didn't expect this at all. Strong Gran came back to her!
Transffered from ffnet,
I missed your story, I came back again.
An anti-rabbit barricade in the Slytherin dungeon! It’s thrilling and another thought, funny, remembering Selen’s barricade. I love this kind of chaos.
Anti-apparition charms and insta (nt?)-grow-garlic, clever!
James had candy stash. I remember my sibling did the similar thing in her younger days.
Most of mysteries were cleared by Wren’s thought. I’ve enjoyed your story and I’m happy to manage to reach to this chapter. Still I have fun to solve Dillon’s secret and I'm eager to know how Wren and Albus find a way out with help from Neville or Harry or Smeed (? He is still mysterious…)
Finally Rose found Wren’s crush on Albus! You captured these teenagers’ mind very well. I remembered my those days, we also used to search the girl or the boy we had a crush on in school photos displayed on a notice board like a school excursion, or summer camp.
I like you let Wren’s Bunny be not evil one. I’m glad Albus was encouraged by James and his mother’s word “It’s what you do” and didn’t give up following and supporting Wren.
I also enjoyed their exchange of holding Bunny each other in frront of McGonagall.
I’m relieved when Mcgonagall snapped out of the bad condition after sipping her tea for a while.
Full of adventure, your plot, the bond between Wren and bunny, all are marvelous!
One more mysterious thing happens. People who have no souls waiting out there? I hope Wren and Albus will find a way out.
Oh, wha… Harry was there? But he has no soul? So intriguing. Oh, no, Neville was too late for rescuing his daughter? Smeed attacked McGonagall? What a twist and turn!
Transffered from the old hpff,
6th January 2016:
Hi, Pixi! Thank you for doing beta the other day!
Finally, Wren conquered Dillon's lure! I love the scene the most. It's thrilling to see someone like a hero or a heroine conquer weak mind. I hope that Wren and Albus won't be involved in trouble but you never write like that, I'm sure.
As I read your story, I came to think about vampires more. J.K.Rowling wrote about them a little in HP books, I've read about them in a comic book, then here at HPFF I think I've read the one, perhaps written by Selene? (if my memory is correct.) Your theory about vampires is also very unique. I can't wait to read what will happen next. Imagining an enormous rodent is scary. What happned to Madame Pince? Did it suck her blood again?
Big progress is that Wren finally confessed her worry about her grandparents to Albus. It's good for both Wren and Albus. You show a little progress about their relationship,too. Readers expect more romance but we have to wait again. :)
Transffered from the old hpff,
11th October 2015:
I came back here again in Halloween month. Your vampire rabbit story suits this season very well, isn’t it?
I’ve been worried how Wren would be tainted by the vampire rabbit. I felt terrified imagining that Dillon finally possessed her and could order anything to her. But I felt relieved to read she could regain her consciousness after drinking Smeed’s tea. And the wristband Albus gave her will guard her from now on, right?
Rose’s behavior around boys reminded me of her father, Ron. She will detour to find her real boyfriend like her father did, won’t she?
Wren’s friends know how she and Albus will be a good couple more than her. Though Wren regretted what she did mess in the Slytherin boy’s dorm, I think Albus didn’t care. I wish they will find Dillon’s trick via his rabbits sooner.
My expectations in the next chapters are:
James will do some roles related Dillon’s plot.
Smeed and his partner will find clues to Dillon’s trick. Or Harry’s Auror Headquarters will find some clues preceding them. Well, it can’t be. I guess your plot will be Smeed’s team’s victory in its investigation.
Albus and Wren are getting to know each other and find true feeling each other and will get closer.
Gran will suddenly wake up! (My wish. I know it’s surreal but if so it’ll be great that strong Augusta will come back! And one of Wren’s problem will be solved.)
Transffered from the old hpff,
18th September 2015:
Hi, Pix. I came from the forums for review battle. Team Gold!
From the start, the story is very intriguing. Two men are trying to do something. What’s their purpose? I enjoyed the bakery scene. Thinking over scones were invented by Scottish (right?), imagining the traditional scones and bread in the showcase, I remembered a trip abroad.
Ha ha ha, iPad! Muggle modern technology. I got very curious to know how Burns and Smeed track the person (a vampire?) using Muggle device. And they talk about the Council and the Treaty. What are they? I got interest.
Oh, finally you revealed the clue. I understood why the vampire boy couldn’t enter Hogwarts. So Burns and Smeed are searching the boy without help from the Ministry of Magic. I wonder if you’ll have Harry enter later.
Poor James. He was falsely accused by Albus.
Oh, no, Wren was finally bitten by Bunny! Will she be able to go back to the normal life?
Transffered from the old hpff,
31st August 2015:
#Last Spurt @ Review NaNo 2/ 21
Hi, Pix! I came back to your Wren and Albus.
It’s interesting to read your story about vampire. The first part was written from Nate’s POV and I found this character was getting important in your story. Will he feel jealous about the relationship between Wren and Albus?
The scene when Albus helped Wren with setting her down on the ground in the library reminded me of the same situation on TV. The man and the woman of the drama became a married couple later. I like this heartwarming scene of the young couple.
So the ingredient of the tea saved her from dark magic Dillon cast through the bunny. I wish she’ll find the way to solve the problem trapped by Dillon quickly.
But you set more before she found out what Dillon was up to. The tea Madam Pince gave Wren must be brewed under the instruction of Dillon. Besides Mr. Summers drank it, which might do some troubles later. I wonder whether Albus drank the tea as well. I reckon he was smarter enough not to. He must have feigned.
I think the fact that James got the map will cause a good effect later. The episode Wren put on Thrall of Drakull indicates something important will happen. I’ll keep reading the next! :) Thank you for brownies.
Transffered from the old hpff,
8th August 2015:
This story is wrapped with mysterious something, so I came back here. All House Cup was over, so I can restart reading your magnetic story.
Poor Albus, Wren’s heart was so broken worrying her grandmother and I reckon the little bunny isn’t a normal rabbit. It was enchanted by dark magic or something? He clouded Wren’s mind so that she couldn’t see what she should’ve seen.
You portrayed Potter brothers and Wren very well. I could imagine how shy she was behind fan girls since her father is Neville. She inherited his nature. And I understand Albus and James don’t care what she is wearing for their parents are Harry and Ginny. They give priority to the inward merits, not appearances.
Wow.. the rest of this chapter, how could you think of that way? I think you created your world to express their complicated adolescent confusion. It’s very beautiful and very understandable. Perhaps Bunny pops in her mind every time she feels that confusing feeling and fear towards Albus?
Transffered from the old hpff, 9th August 2015:
Wow, real horror starts here.
In the first parts, I reined in my impatience in reading to know how Wren and Albus will take back to the place where they settle in. Then I felt relieved to know she opened the present box from Albus. Because I've thought the little rabbit was a dark thing and it prevented Wren from thinking of Albus.
The most favorite thing is here, she focused the lens on him observing how he looked on his new pants and his long hair.
Dillon is a lonely kid but he is more than a rascal. I commiserate with Wren, he took advantage of her vulnerable points. I wonder how Albus will rescue her from the next chapter. It'll be more interesting. But when I see the rest of chapters, I guess things won't go so smoothly as I expect. There'll be some twists and turns, right? You set Albus is a little shy boy, and Wren as well, seeing them like that, I'm impatient at their awkwardness but feel like reading next with much expectation.
What will happen to Hogwarts after Dillon enter? It's very cliffhanging.
Transffered from the old hpff,
12th August 2015:
Hi, Pix. Thank you for leaving an awesome review on my story! It’s very encouraging. I really appreciate.
Your novel is so addictive, so I came back here. The rabbits are cute, but while I read this story, I’m thinking I have to change my thought about them like Kevin said the other day. They are so creepy though we know they are enchanted by the kid, but every time Rose and the girls cast magic, the little one Wren took care of, flinched, I feel sorry about it. It must have been abused, too. Poor thing.
Naughty boys, especially, Scorp. He seems to inherit his father’s glimpse of prank and tagging with Albus, they act like Weasley twins.
The most impressive part is that Augusta behaved like the time when she used to be. I remembered the similar experience in my life. I hope she’ll be fine.
When the guy named Smeed entered, I remembered the guy helped Scarlet O’Hara, when she was short-handed with her cotton growing in the story, “Gone with the Wind”. He married her sister later, you may know, so I hope Smeed will be like him, will help Hannah, too.
Transffered from the old hpff,
20th August 2015:
#(Team Gold!) I tried to post this review during lunch time, but Kaitlin was faster..(sigh).
Thank you for dropping by my new one-shot, Pixi. Oh, you do music, too. I’m happy to know that. I’d like to reply to your awesome review, but I think it better to visit here first after Kevin set the review race.
It’s good to see Wren became free from family’s troubles. The new semester, the new study schedule and much hope for the new things. You described them naturally.
Usually, it’s warming to see someone cares pets. But we know the rabbit was cursed, so we wish that Wren will notice something goes wrong ASAP. It’s heartbreaking to read the part, she had already lost Gran. She couldn’t bear to lose anyone else.
I wondered what charm is Carpe Retractum. Is it related to music? The description of the Advanced Charms class is admirable, too. Though I felt puzzled a little to know Albus was a Slytherin student with Scorpius first, now I got used to it, it is very likely that he is good at Charms, his mother was good at casting Bat-Boggy Hex and he surely has some of the characters of Snape like his middle name shows it.
Wren’s daydream reminded me of Harry’s headache caused by the link with Voldemort. It’s a good plot to set her like him. She can’t even listen to what Ackerly said about homework distracted thinking hard about the rabbit. It’s very understandable that Albus squirmed from the attention drawn to their table. I smiled at the opposite reaction of Rose, too. They reminded me of Harry and Hermione. I understand Wren’s embarrassing feeling towards her father, too. Adolescent boys and girls feel like that towards parents.
The description of the scene where Wren tried to stay awake dividing her classmates by school colors on their robe trim is interesting. I love the paragraphs where you condensed with Wren’s feeling towards Albus and his short remark which shows his all feeling for her, "Missed you at lunch."
Wow, there are four mysteries. Why didn’t the letter reach Dillon’s place? Why couldn’t Wren perform her magic well? Can Dillon manipulate anybody through the poor rabbit? How much power does he hold inside him like a fading light ball?
Transffered from the old hpff, 24th August 2015:
I tried reviewing this in the morning, but Heather did faster than me. So I’ve finished her story and came back here. (Go Team Gold!)
I like the way you set the scene where Albus and Scorpius tried doing prank on James. I could imagine the move of Albus in the tree and the conversation through shoes between him and Scorpius like they used the Muggle transceivers. Then you led us to the rabbit that Wren was tagged. I wonder how long it took to set up this scene.
I enjoyed the gap of their conversation. It’s well planned and very interesting to read.
Poor Albus. He got hurt. If Wren didn’t get the rabbit, they would have had a normal conversation like they had before. I guess you’ve already lots of twists and turns from here. I wonder how much he would have to endure her distant attitude. I really like Albus Potter’s POV.
The conversation at Slytherin CR was also interesting. How did you think of the character, Serena? Do you know the type like her in your life?
I like the conversation between Neville and Wren. And the description of the green houses and working Neville are lovely scenes. I like them.
The last scene was impressive, since you let Wren witness the weird phenomenon in her shed but she was distracted by the bunny’s cuteness.
As I read your story, your Albus, Wren and Scorpius live vividly in my mind, I can’t stop admiring your description. Your way of writing mystery is very natural so I guess many readers can follow the story smoothly. I wondered why. Perhaps I think one of the reasons, you put nature in this story, weaving the young delicate and sensitive feelings.
Transffered from the old hpff, 27th August 2015:
I thought of coming back here, I wanted to meet your Wren and Albus.
It’s sad and severe reality to realize human beings are mortal. You expressed about it in a gentle tone and narratively putting the family history of Longbottom. I like the scene where Albus tried to make Wren laugh very much. If Wren becomes like Alice, he’ll surely come for her every day.
You also described Wren’s rebellious age. The complicated feeling and conflict between what is right and wrong are very understandable. You exposed the theme how we should face the possibility to fight the intractable disease (the fatal curse in HP world).
Then the new barman entered. He is really mysterious. Can he do Legilimens? Will he help Wren with facing the truth around the weird rabbit and Dillon? It’s very intriguing.
I’ll be back again soon.
Transfferred from the old hpff, 29th August 2015:
Hi, Pix. I'm writing this review from my phone. I thought of reading your story before one more gig.
From this chapter, story got more interesting and thrilling. Top 3: 1. Is Dillon a Dark wizard or not? Who is the old wizard at Hogwartsï¼Ÿ Only I can think of is Dumbledore, but he is dead when Wren and Albus go there. Why did his mother get sick? What's the blood mysteryï¼Ÿ
ï¼’. Wren went back to herself, not effected by the rabbit. I think the tea the bar man gave her prevented Dillon from penetrating her mind.
ï¼“. Poor Madam Pince. She tore one of her beloved cookery tomes for the rabbit Albus had.
I enjoyed the Charm class scene, too. Albus is surely a son of Harry and Ginny.
Your rabbit story got magically fun to read. I felt like when I read Harry Potter books reading this chapter.
I love reading your guesses on Dillon. That's something I cannot say at this time. So many questions will be answered later. I am glad you are intrigued. I'm so happy you are enjoying the story!
Hi Pix! Here for Gryffie Review Tag! Such an interesting start to this. I really feel for Wren having to uproot her whole life and you do a great job at bringing up those different emotions of leaving behind a beloved place and being nervous about a new start. When she's outside talking with Al was such a great scene and really showed all those emotions. "What if I'm more upset over leaving this place than I am about my own grandparents dying?" That was such a powerful line!
A lot of emotions packed into this chapter, between moving homes and what's happening with her Gran, and finding out about the death of her grandparents. I liked the friendship between Wren, Al, and Rose and already can't wait to see more of that. Wren's a super interesting character and I'm excited to see her developed more in this!
I'm super curious about the ball of light. Wren saw it a few times earlier in the chapter and then it took that poor rabbit away so I can't wait to see what's going on with that. Will definitely be back for more of this!
Oh gosh, I didn't realize that I hadn't posted the whole of this thing yet. Whoops! I'd better get on that, probably this weekend or next, depending.
Anyway, I did not expect a review here! Yay for Wren! I spent a lot of time on her, so I'm happy you found her intriguing. She's got a lot going on with her at the beginning of the story which all comes into play later. I tend to not write 'extras'. Everything has a place, so be sure to pay attention. :)
Thanks for the review, and I look forward to seeing what you think as you read along. Reviews for every chapter aren't necessary, but please do drop me a note every once in a while to let me know how it reads. I'd love to know what you think!
*Transferred from HPFF*
Hey, Pix! It has been a ridiculously long time since I read chapter one of this story, but I remember that you blitzed through Like a House on Fire for me, and I’ve always wanted to return the favour. This seemed like a good excuse.
I am immediately struck by how sweet Wren is. She makes my heart ache with just how much she cares for her great-grandmother. What a sweetheart. They’re both trying to adjust to this massive change, but Wren understands that it’s much more difficult for Augusta than it is for herself, which shows a lot of emotional maturity.
Ah, so that’s what’s going on with Augusta! It is actually horrible, but I remember feeling a little confused and very curious as to what was ailing the strong old woman. “Diseases” of the heart are the hardest to fix, even with magic, I think. Wren is starting to understand that better than most.
Oh, gosh! I’m really feeling for the Longbottom family! I think Wren is handling this marvellously so far, considering how young she is. This young woman will go far, I can tell.
Your description is always on point. I don’t know how you do it – it’s like magic to me. London felt so busy and confusing, mirroring the way Wren is feeling so well. She’s gone out onto the streets to lose herself, almost.
Well, isn’t Dillon creepy. Also, his mother is strange, too, telling this little boy to go find his magic “on his own”. That doesn’t sound like a very pleasant experience for anyone. I have a bad feeling about this…
OH NO IS DILLON A SQUIB AND HIS MOTHER HAS LEFT HIM?!?! I KNEW THIS WOULDN’T END WELL.
This kid gets weirder and weirder. Consider me intrigued. I thought this story was going in one direction, but it is clearly not. I cannot wait!
I'm glad you came back to the story, and I hope you get to read through the whole thing, now that it's finished. It really was a fun thing to write. Of course I say that now, feeling my betas looking over my shoulder and shaking their heads at me. I tend to get insecure during editing... anyway...
The Longbottoms have some bad turns here at the start of the story. There's a lot that Wren has to deal with, and it doesn't really matter how old she is. It's hard for anyone to deal with, but that's life, hey?
Aw, thanks for the kudos on description. I try. :) Dillon IS a creepy thing. By design. I'm pleased that you felt that.
Thanks for the words!
*Transferred from HPFF*
Hey, hey, hey! Here for our review swap!
First off, congratulations on your Dobby nomination(s)! I was surprised to see that I hadn't actually read much of your work (which was strange) but you're such a fantastic writer, so the noms are well-deserved!
I've been meaning to read this story since FOREVER. There are several reasons for this, which I shall enumerate below:
1) It is written by you. It's gonna be good.
2) The Florence + The Machine song plays in my head every time I read the title and then I'm just awkwardly bobbing my head, regardless of the fact that I may be in public at the time
3) Allison Scagliotti is a face claim who should be used more often than she is (I've only seen her being used in your story). Every time I see the banner for this story I'm like "It's Claudia from Warehouse 13!" This of course means that I hear Wren's voice as this sarcastic young adult who rolls her eyes a lot and is a total butt-kicking lady with a heart of gold.
Wren is not like that yet, of course, since she isn't Claudia. But she's still wonderful. I'm really looking forward to getting to know her better over the coming chapters. Moving house has never been a traumatic experience for me since I've done it on a semi-regular basis during my lifetime, but I still very much empathise with her, which is just a credit to your fantastic writing, really. Funerals are emotionally draining, and then above all that she's having to leave her childhood home. It's even worse because she's seeing her great-grandmother act in a way that's so completely different from what she is to Wren. Realising that parents and grandparents and all those people to whom you look up are human and as fallible as you can be quite the slap in the face sometimes. The timing really couldn't be worse.
Also, just hats off for getting Albus spot on. He's clearly very concerned for his friend and loves her dearly, but he's also a little awkward with feelings and expressing comfort (and hungry because it's time for lunch). That, more than anything else, really brought it home to me that they're just sixteen - little young things, really (goodness, I sound so old).
And finally, my departing thought: WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED TO THE RABBIT? WHY WAS IT ABDUCTED BY ALIENS?
You flatter me. No really. Thanks for the kind words!
Yay for another Allison Scagliotti fan! I didn't want Wren to have "just another pretty face". I wanted something with character, and Allison's Warehouse 13 character jumped readily into my mind. You're right. She's not as kick-butt as Claudia, but she has potential. Everyone's gotta start somewhere, right?
Wren's got some "stuff" hitting her from all sides here. It's not earth-shattering, but things keep piling on, so she's overwhelmed at all the change.
Albus. Thanks, I'm glad you like him. Yes, he's young, they all are. And I too feel so old saying that. :P I know some sixteen year olds are better at playing "older" than others, but they're still sixteen, and there's all that insecurity bottled up inside. Also, these characters haven't had any tragedy to mark them up, so they'd certainly still feel it.
RABBIT ALIENS!! Ack, how did you guess my plot so quickly??? I'm losing my touch... no really. Just kidding. Please read on. I hope you like it. And really, I'd love it if you had the time to just read a few chapters and leave me an occasional note. With a story this long, I'm just hoping that people like it enough to get to the end.
Thanks for the swap!
Review tag! Aah, it's been ages since I read this story and I can't tell you how excited I am to come back to it. :D
Ahaha, so James is finally able to do magic outside of school now. Exactly how I imagine he'd use that privilege! XD
Poor Albus, I do really feel for him. It would be so much easier for him to talk to Wren if only there wasn't something weird going on with her. WHAT IS THAT RABBIT DOING TO HER.
I love the tentative, awkward relationship between Albus and Wren though, how they're used to being friends and they both have these new feelings they don't know what to do with. It's cute, and feels realistic for that sort of situation. And I love that a hug from Albus makes Wren's day so much better :)
The friendship between Scorpius and Albus is so great too, especially how Scorpius keeps prodding Albus to ask Wren out. What else are best friends for, other than to tease you with the best intentions? :D I love his characterisation though, how he's a bit of a snob sometimes (unsurprising considering who he is) but still has a good heart and is friends with all these Weasleys and Potters and Longbottoms. I wonder how his dad feels about that :p
It was nice to see Wren engaging in some amount of normal behaviour at the end there but, like Albus, I am equally nervous about Wren's strange behaviour regarding the demon rabbit. I wish Wren wouldn't keep it such a secret. Then again, if she told someone, I doubt they'd really take it that seriously.
Superb chapter and I can't wait to find out what is up with the mystery rodent. :D
James is evil with his magic rights. Someone should take that away from him just because he's being such a berk.
It would be much easier to talk to someone when they don't have an obsession with large, fluffy rodents all the time. Poor Albus indeed!
I guess Wren and Albus will have to struggle through with their new, erm... thing for a while before they get around to... whatever it is they need to get around to. Ahh, the awkward.
Writing Scorpius and Albus is so fun and entertaining for me. I really love them together like that. He Is a bit of a snob a lot of the time, and I think he doesn't really care what his dad thinks as long as his dad never finds out exactly what he gets up to away from home. Maybe Draco is so relieved that his son isn't around to have those awkward talks that he doesn't care so much either. LOL!
Yay! Wren can be normal! I hope you can come back to the story soon. Look at all the shiny new chapters!!
Thanks for reading and reviewing! You made me smile!
Oh dear, what is happening to Wren? How has she been forgetting things like seeing her friends, and buying film so as to not run out? That rabbit is occupying all of her thoughts and I don't trust it. In fact, I think its true nature is much less like the fluffy and cute bunny she believes it to be, and more like the Killer Rabbit from Monty Python's Holy Grail. That's absolutely what I visualize when Wren keeps wanting to go check on the rabbit. Ok, but WATCH YOUR NECK, WREN!!
Wait no I've figured it out: THE RABBIT IS POSSESSING HER. It's evil I tell you! Evil! Dillon did something to it, and maybe it's not a rabbit at all. Robot in disguise? Alien? A Dark Lord? ... I'm way off the mark.
Aside from my (probably incorrect) theories on the rabbit, I like your characterization of Nellie, she seems like a great friend! I liked the way you wrote James too. I have a friend who's super into juggling and balancing things on his face, so James dropping forks everywhere made me laugh.
What's going on with Albus? Why is he glowing? Is he secretly Iron Man? (I'm on fire with these really likely guesses today.) I assume it's evil-rabbit-related, but I don't know why it would be...
I have the feeling this chapter is kind of a calm before the storm. All this mystery is swirling around and Wren doesn't question it at all, but I sense that something big is about to happen. Eeep!
Haha! Killer rabbit from Monty Python was one of my inspirations for Bunny. That's so funny! Yes, Wren needs to watch herself around that rabbit. Who knows what's going to happen next?
Oooh, alien rabbit from planet X that's trying to take over the wizarding world with his creepy andriod boy, Dillon! LOL. Interesting premise.
Nellie is a good friend, and thankfully has kept Wren from being completely isolated over the summer. She tries to get Wren to relax as much as she can, but at the moment, Wren's too much inside her head to be able to do that. And yeah, James putting stuff on his face, lol! I knew someone like that too.
Okay, so we have alien Bunny, android Dillon AND Iron Man Albus... that's a recipe for epic right there! Crossover, anyone? Haha!
I hope you keep reading, and thanks for the lovely review!
Oh Wren, poor thing. I get the feeling this isn't the first time her Gran has mistaken her for Alice. :( And the state Augusta is in, compared to what she used to be... it's heartbreaking. It seems like Wren has already accepted it, but she doesn't want to.
I don't remember if I mentioned this last time but your description is really fantastic. It's not wordy, but it conveys a lot in a few well chosen words. I like it.
Dillon - what a mystery! I think he's a Squib. I must say though, the whole way through the chapter I was wondering what he had in the basket because it seemed really ominous, haha. And after finding out that it was rabbits, well now I think it's even more ominous because I'll bet that IS the same rabbit! And why did Dillon's mum stop doing magic? Is it related to the rabbits? Where did Dillon get those rabbits in the first place and why is he wandering around London with them? Haha, I'll stop...
Each chapter I've read of this so far raises so many questions! :p Love it! The mystery is excellent. This is a great chapter!
It was a happy surprise to find out that Rabbit Heart was the Featured Story! If you think I was excited, you should have seen Wren and her rabbit!
I try to keep the description relevant to the story, without slowing down the action. Sometimes that means that I go back in editing and take words out. Sometimes my betas complain that I take too many words out and suggest that I add them back in. :P There's definitely a balancing act going on there.
Dillon! Could be a Squib... and how did you feel when you found out about the rabbits? More curious? A little creeped out? Full of fuzzy feels?
Thanks so much for the review! See you next time!