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Name: Patrick Chang (Anonymous) · Date: 23 Feb 2018 08:10 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Albus Potter and Slytherin's Office Chapter: The Mysterious Man

Hi, I came back! :D I've been itching to drop one more review, 'cause I've already read this chapter on last Thursday. 

Albus is really innocent and self-effacing, I feel that while reading the Quiddich tryouts results scene, I thought he would be disappointed to know Olivia took the position.  Anyway, it's great he seems to be simply happy to get on the team as a reserve player. And Roxy and James will be together! They will surely encourage Albus at coming games. (Yeah, I guess you prepare for him to play in the game, which means someone, a regular member will get injury or be sick.:p )

 

I like the captain's name, Christopher Van Malden, which let me remember Eddie Van Halen. Is that Hollander? Sounds nice!

 

David and Art will take roles of Neville and Ron for Albus, I guess. I feel their friendship has been developed as chapters go. Among them, Rose always has deep insight like her mother. Especially when she faced Albus who witnessed the horrible conspiracy in front of Headmaster's office. Albus was likely to think to himself seriously that he had to deal with the problem by himself without help from adults. 

I hope not it will be too late when he finds his thought is wrong and reckless.

 

Patrick

 



Author's Response:

Keep in mind that hardly anyone makes the team in their first year- Harry was the youngest seeker in a century. So Albus is actually very impressive, having become a reserve player, and if I were him I would not be disappointed at all. Him making the team as a reserve player is quite impressive.

 

I'm very into family genealogy, and so a lot of the last names for my OCs are names I just pulled randomly off my own family tree. Van Malden is the last name of my great-grandfather. I either take names from my family tree or I just take them from random people I meet in my life who have good names.

 

Yes, David and Art will definitely get more developed as the chapters go, and David especially gets more developed in book 2 (which is not on this site yet but is on HPFF).

 

Rose does have good insight, and Albus probably should listen to her. Unfortunately, if Harry swooped in and saved the day in two chapters it wouldn't make for a very interesting story, would it? :P

 

Thanks for reviewing Patrick! I've really enjoyed all your reviews (and your goregous signature!) and I can't wait to have your HPFT identity revealed.



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 09 Feb 2018 08:33 PM · [Report This]
Story:Albus Potter and Slytherin's Office Chapter: The Mysterious Man

David's humour is so great, hahaha Professor Dire defeating an opposing Seeker just by glaring at him :P I'm glad Albus made the reserve team though! I think it's realistic that he wouldn't have made an actual position on the team, being only eleven and competing against kids who were a few years older. Still, it says a lot for him that he made it as reserve! Good for him :)

Ooh, I remember Lord Zajecfer from the beginning - sounds like he's up to nothing good. He's got some power now and isn't afraid to jump right in there with his plan of whatever he's doing, and it worries me that he wants to do whatever he's doing at Hogwarts. Scary! Btw, I tried to unscramble his name again and came up with nothing. :p

Rose is a smart one! Albus should listen to her. After all, it's not like this time they have Dumbledore on their side watching over to make sure they're safe as they poke their noses into things - they would be smart to involve adults. Yes, they've got no proof, but I think someone might listen given how scary the idea is!

Great chapter! I love the way you're building up this story!



Author's Response:

David does have wonderful humor. It's one of his leading qualities.

 

I'm proud of Albus as well. He's pretty good at Quidditch.

 

Oh, you're trying to unscramble his name! Smart! His name does mean something to him, but unless you know who he is you won't get it.

 

Rose is smart. She always knows best, and Albus really ought to listen to her. But it wouldn't be nearly as exciting if they went to adults for help, would it? :)

 

Thanks for the review!



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