Wow! This is a very dark interpretation of next gen. I have to admit, I'm digging it!
BUT THOSE CHILDREN. How could they? That was such a nice scene. It kind of reminded me of the beginning of Neverwhere, if you've read that. It was a very matter of fact portrayal of very uncanny things. Really liked it!
These two guys are sooooo creepy. I'm not 100% sure but I think they're OCs? And the older guy must be really old if he was a mentor of sorts for Voldemort, and it sounds like maybe he was. I'm super intrigued. Who is this dude? What was in role in Voldemort's rise and fall? How is this next gen version of death eaters different from the ones in Harry's time, or is it more similar? You have definitely caught my interest.
I also thought it was interesting how they seemed to revel in being evil. Like, I usually assume the people I think of as "bad" are doing what thety think is best. But you have villains here who are deliberately evil and that's really scary.
Speaking of which, UM NO THEY BEST NOT MESS WITH OUR AL! Scorpius and Al and Rose are gonna band together and take them down, right? Right??!
Really excellent intro! I need to find a chance to read more!
Hey, Claudia!! <3
Omg, I love this opening chapter. I’m always here for next gen era stories, and stories about Albus because I love him! It’s so intriguing.
What I especially love about this opening is that it’s all calm and cute. Like the stars are twinkling and kids are playing and then it’s just EVIL DUDES APPEAR. And what are they doing!! D:
… Okay, I take back what I said. THEY KILLED ALL THOSE POOR CHILDREN. (But I mean, the chapter is good, but THEY KILLED ALL THOSE CHILDREN. WHY??? NOW I’M SAD. THEY DIDN’T DESERVE THAT!)
OOoo one of them speaks parseltongue. Not sure if that’s gonna be important for the future or not, but I’m gonna remember this. NO THEY WANT TO KILL ALBUS AND JAMES!! AND LILY TOO! Alright, so I’m getting the feeling that these two might be former death eater and/or the children of Death Eaters…. Hmm
OH WAIT, one of them still goes to Hogwarts?? And is named Zac. WHAT IS THIS. WHAT HAPPENING?
Okay, now that I’ve finished reading this chapter and have given my incoherent thoughts, I’ll sum them up for you. (And I’m totally sorry for how my thoughts have come out….) Alrighty, so I love this so far (as I’ve said). The set up is so good, like I want to know what’s happening!!! Also, I hate these guys already because they want to kill Harry and Ginny’s kids!!! Noooo! So, those are my incoherent thoughts, haha. I’ll definitely be back <3
Here to celebrate Claudia's appreciation month! :P Congratulations again on making Hufflepuff of the Month, btw! :)
Okay, I have to say that your AP is full of very interesting looking things, but I had to stop by your main novel first... and I'm very happy I did!
This first chapter was so intriguing... I would have never imagined Voldemort having a mentor... who is he? And who is Zac? Is he someone we know? I want to know more!
It's so scary how they would just go and kill a bunch of children without a reason, but I guess that's what makes them dark wizards... I'm not quite sure I agree on this Do you need to vent? Go and kill someone. Interesting reasoning, but just a bit extreme, maybe? (Obviously, what I mean is that it's terrifying...)
And why do they want to kill Harry's children? Is it just a vengeance? Or is there a deeper reason? I guess I'll find out reading on.
Moving to chapter 2 now...
Lots of love,
Hi Claudia! I’m here for Claudia Appreciation Month. <3
I love how you begin this story like it’s an actual book! I bet if I never ready Harry Potter and picked this story up and read the first chapter, I would still understand what was going on, and I’d feel intrigued to boot.
These two Dark wizards are so mysterious and interesting. I’m so curious to see if we know them as characters! I was sitting here trying to unscramble the name Lord Zajecfer (wow that’s a hard name to spell haha), but I couldn’t remember any characters whose names started with “Zac.” So it might be one of your OCs. Either way, the dynamic between the two of them is just really fascinating. Zac obviously has a decently-sized ego and wants to be the next Lord Voldemort (and apparently he grew up around the time Lord Voldemort was defeated the second time around), while the other wizard is more cautious. Which I think is a little bit scarier.
The way they just went and killed the Muggle children (with a mass-murder spell??? AHH) was so scary. Oh, the poor parents. The poor children. They’re so so heartless I have no idea how prejudiced people manage to convince themselves that what they’re doing is worth it.
And they’re trying to get rid of Albus Potter now?? Oh, no. I’m really excited to see how this story will continue, and how the plan of these two wizards will unfold. (I wonder if that list of plans will come in handy some day...)
Wonderful start! I’m looking forward to reading the next chapter soon. <3
Wow that is actually REALLY smart of you to try and unscramble Lord Zajecfer. But yeah, I don't remember any characters in the HP series named Zac either.
Yes, he did grow up when Voldemort was defeated for the final time and was only a kid then. He was very disappointed.
In my view, Zajecfer and the other wizard barely see muggles as human, or equal to them, so they definitely weren't thinking about those poor parents. It was just like stepping on a beetle. But yes, it is awful.
Poor Albus. Being targeted by two dark wizards probably won't spell out a peaceful year. :)
Thank you so so much for reviewing!!!!!!
Hello! Happy Valentine's Month! I'm here to sprinkle a little love onto your story!
This was a really good beginning to a story. It introduces us to what I assume will be the main conflict here - these two wizards' attempt to murder Albus. It also raises so many questions that I really want to know the answer to. Like who are these two wizards? One of them seems to be a parseltongue too, which I found really interesting. I'm just really curious about who they are, so I might have to come back at some point to find out. And also where are they? Obviously somewhere in Hogsmeade, but where exactly? Yeah, I really liked this beginning. It was really intriguing and it made me want to read more.
I also thought you did a really good job of painting a very dark and chilling scene. I could imagine them walking through the street, killing those poor defenceless children. They're definitely at Voldemort's level of cruelty, just killing people because they annoy them. I think that says a lot about them as characters too. It does have me worried for poor Albus though, but hopefully he can find some sort of way to escape them.
Again, I loved it! Great job!
Be My Badger
Thanks so much for reviewing!!! <3
I really like all your questions. The identity of the two wizards are central questions, and I liked how you picked up on the parseltongue thing. Very curious.
Yeah, those two wizards aren't exactly nice people, are they? Killing children. Kind of gets the "they're evil" point across.
I'm glad you liked the beginning! And again, thank you for reviewing!
Hello there! I'm psyched to know you write mystery and Dark Magic. A new Dark Lord! Sounds exciting. I really like how you set the villains. Mysterious murder, old revenge and new secret weapons. Massive murders sound awful. I feel sorry for Muggle parents and children who became the targets. And you set Albus Potter as the next target. This story is very promising. He has worried to be sorted into Slytherin and you have prepared horrible situations around them. It is very intriguing. I guess he has to face hardship, wondering who he is, his identity like his father, Harry has experienced. I'm eager to know who the old wizard is. He seems to have grudge for the past when he wanted to teach at Hogwarts.
Hello Patrick, my mysterious secret cupid! Thanks for the review!
Yes, massive murders are quite awful. I feel bad for the muggle families as well, especially since they don't know what killed them.
Of course Albus has to face hardship! There wouldn't be much of a story if he didn't.
Glad you're enjoying it!
Yay, it's nice to see this story show up here on HPFT!
*Review transferred from HPFF*
Hello! I'm here for the 12 Days of Reviewing, in which we're supposed to review a story with a feast in it... looks like there's a feast in the 3rd chapter, so I'll be reading at least until then tonight! (maybe more, but it's after midnight already and my reviews stop making sense when it's too late at night so apologies in advance :P ) Ok, now to the review.
This is a very chilling opening chapter, especially as they start out with a mass killing curse and then joke about it! That's never good :-( I like the anonymity of the two men though, and even though they go unnamed (for most of it anyway) I can still get a really clear picture of their personalities. The younger one sounds like he'll be stirring up a lot more trouble without really knowing what he's doing - all he's doing is copying Voldemort with less effective results. (I mean... Lord Zajecfer? I don't even know how to say that, lol. Actually I spent longer than I care to admit trying to unscramble that and figure out what his last name was.) He seems like an impulsive type who will do anything careless to try and make himself more important, while the older one is more concerned with strategy. Anyway, I am eager to learn more about them.
This is a well written chapter and really intriguing, I'm off to read the next one now!
Wow, thanks for transferring the review! I'm glad to have put this story on HPFT, but I haven't quite figured out how everything works yet- I didn't see this review until just now, nearly a week after you left it.