Login
Reviews For Hourglass

Name: 800 words of heaven (Signed) · Date: 31 Mar 2018 03:21 AM · [Report This]
Story:Hourglass Chapter: 3 years 47 days

*Transferred from HPFF*

 

REVIEW TAG.

 

This sounded really cool from the summary, so I thought I'd drop in to check it out!

 

I really like this! Albus seems interesting, if only because he's so... normal. I think I forgot that normal characters can also be intriguing because everyone has a story to tell. I look forward to getting to know him more. Right now, he and seem to have insomnia cures in common - reading can solve almost all the evils of the universe!

 

Why does Albus hang out with Scorpius if he thinks that he's so annoying? Or is that just some sort of weird love? Or maybe he does it because he enjoys making black holes in the Great Hall. I can understand that - black holes are cool and all opportunities to make them should be seized!

 

Ooh! Mystery, mystery! Who is this wonderfully mysterious DLZ? And why does she think that there will be love happening... AGAIN? I look forward to finding out!



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 15 Jan 2018 01:43 AM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:Hourglass Chapter: 3 years 47 days

Hi Gina! Transferring a review over from the other place :)

 

Hi there! After a little detour on one of your other fics I'm here with your requested review. :p

So - first chapters. They are really hard, I have the same problem! But I like yours. I don't think EVERY story has to start out with some explosive action scene and mystery and drama. Real life isn't like that usually, and this felt to me like an average day in the life of Albus Potter, plus a mystery note. Long story short, it's an effective hook and I'm interested to read more.

What I think makes this opening chapter strong is your well thought-out characterisation of Albus. He's really normal. A little weird and meticulous, and has particular habits like pro/con lists about everything. But he seems like a real person. Not perfect, not boring. And that's the best type of character.

There were a couple of areas you might want to look back at, but they're quite minor things... With his fork, he fished the parchment from the sea of syrup and, frowning, began to peel it apart. Scorpius coughed impatiently. Unsatisfied with how slow the process was moving, he reached across the table to grab the parchment and tore it in half in his haste.
This paragraph changes subjects halfway through, so in the end when you said "he" I wasn't sure whether it was Albus or Scorpius you were referring to. Maybe just putting a paragraph separation in between the sentence about Albus and the one about Scorpius would clear that up!

It also says at one point that the pillows in Albus's secret room are from the Gryffindor common room - but isn't he a Slytherin?

Anyway, I do like your first chapter and I'm interested to see where the story goes! Feel free to re-request when you've got more chapters up!



Submit a Review