wa...kat. This poem is impressive, indeed. I think it tells the secret of the universe, what human beings should be or is to be...people are mortal even if they wish immortal, that's why we write poems. We imagine someone in the next generation might read our writings, so our fame will shine forever after we go on Afterlife.
However, the last sentence in your poem blows us away. You let us recognize harsh reality, nobody cares what you've achieved. You made a point that most of people have their real life, so literature or writings are no use for their severe life. The famous writers such as Yeats or Joyce poured their hearts into their writings. When they died, people grieved and the next generations have studied their writings, so their souls keep on living in our mind through their work. Even after their death, we can imagine what person they were via their writings or critics hundreds of people wrote about.
Or now fanfiction writers have written tons of stories on the Internet, most of us have written under the anonymous, so they might vanish suddenly without warning.Anonymous readers might enjoy them, but they don't really care who you'll be as you wrote in your poem.
I imagined like that while reading your poem, chap 4. Many kudos on your thoughtful work!
Hi, Kenny. Thanks for the review! This wasn't exactly what I had in mind while writing it, but I'm excited that you were able to get all that out of my poem. Thanks for reading!
Hi, Kenny. Thanks for the review!
Hi, Kenny. Thanks for the review!
House Cup Openers Reviews -non HP fandom 2/4
Hi, Kat! It's wonderful you wrote a poem using the weather conditions as metaphor. You use various seasons to express your feeling. At the same time, I wonder who you wrote about. Are they your close friends or family? Maybe, the last stanza is a hint to solve the problem... hmm, you left a lot of space for us develop our imagination, which means a good poem!
Laughing is likely to be expressed the bright side of humans, so soft summer breeze is understandable, but a harsh winter gale? I imagine cold strong wind blowing over the wild field like in winter Ireland or Scottish highland... I am puzzled and enjoyed solving the puzzle you created.
I am intrigued to know a thousand bitter secrets...of your friend? or yourself? As a whole, this poem is very picturesque and beautifully expressed along with nature. I like it.
Hi, Kenny. Thanks for the review!
Hi again! Here for RvG and the Magical Menagerie, and the last poem in your collection!
This was a much more forceful poem than the others in the collection, I think - not to say that they haven't been emotional and powerful, but I just think that this one was more forceful in the way that the narrator directed it to "you", like there was a lot of bitterness and anger threaded into the poem that was being purged from the narrator as they wrote.
I really liked the repetition of the question 'who are you' at the opening of each of the stanzas. It came across in a way that was almost accusatory, as if the narrator was asking the person to justify who they were and why they were present (or not, as it turns out) in their life. Then the distance that was introduced in each of those stanzas following that anaphora, the 'But' reducing the "you" to very little in the estimation of the narrator - that was really effective and interesting, and definitely revealed a lot about the way that the narrator thought of the person they were talking to/about.
There were moments through this poem when the fate of the "you" was a little ambiguous, and I really enjoyed that. There was actually a moment that I wondered whether they were someone who'd passed away, but although the ending dissuaded me from that idea, I think that still gives a sense of the forceful rejection of the "you" that the poem evokes, that the person is metaphorically dead to the narrator. I found myself leaving the poem with more questions which is always great, because poetry is meant to be thought-provoking. The last line was really powerful, too, the complete rejection that came through in it.
I enjoyed this collection so far - I hope you add some more of your poetry soon!
I might try and write some more in the future. Not sure if I'll manage it or not. It's been a while since I wrote any, and all the other old pieces I have aren't really good enough that I want to publish them. Thanks for stopping by! Love the analysis!
Hello! RvG and Magical Menagerie.
This was such an intriguing and unusual piece! I definitely wasn't expecting to find a poem about Alice in Wonderland in this collection, but it's bringing back memories of my childhood and also making me want to look at those books with fresh eyes. There was a real twist in this piece that surprised me but definitely made me think!
The opening started as if someone was recounting a fairy tale, or a fact that had happened - something objective and removed from Alice, at least initially. The description of Wonderland was really pretty and evocative, too. As I made my way through the poem I found myself wondering whether that had been deliberate on the part of the narrator, to try and draw Alice towards them.
And of course, then we have the shift in narration - rather than describing how Alice entered Wonderland, we have the narrator calling Alice to them. The repetition of "sweet Alice" and "my Alice" felt possessive and quite creepy, to be honest, as if someone had ulterior motives and they were trying to draw their Alice towards them, to take them away somewhere. So then I found myself questioning whether the Alice that the narrator was addressing was even the Alice from the story, or someone else - there was just a really creepy vibe to this and it was so intriguing and I'm very curious to know more, and I'd love to see what your own spin on this was as you wrote it!
Hey! Glad it came across creepy because that's exactly what I was trying for.
Thanks for the review!
Hi! RvG and Magical Menagerie.
Ooh, this was a really interesting addition to your poetry collection. The tone in this one felt less personal, despite the use of the first person (collective) narrator. I think that's mostly because, while it felt like the narrator was telling their story, it was also a story of a group - maybe a story of a people, and it evoked some images and ideas that I felt could apply to a lot of different situations.
There was a real cascade of emotion in this piece, and I liked the way that you ended on a more hopeful note; there's a desperation and, to some extent, a futility, laced throughout this poem, as if the narrator is lacking the belief that their search will ever have positive results, but they still refuse to give up. I think you really captured the human determination to survive in that last stanza.
I liked the way that you capitalised Fate in this piece, too, so that it became personified, an agent acting against the narrator and the group that they're travelling with, just another aspect that they have to combat in their search to find a home.
I thought this was a really clever poem because it could be read on multiple levels. Just an individual or group of people who are restless and can't find anywhere that they want to settle, or something bigger - it actually made me think of the countless immigrants and refugees that there are in the world right now, who want nothing more than to find somewhere new that they can set down their roots and call home, but so much contrives against them each time - and yet the human will is to keep going, and their spirits aren't broken. I really enjoyed this!
Thanks for the review, Sian!
Hello! Here for RvG and the Magical Menagerie.
I'm on a bit of a poetry spree at the moment and I really enjoyed the start of your collection here. This poem certainly painted a very intriguing picture of the person that the narrator was addressing. I found myself curious about the nature of the relationship between the narrator and the addressee here - is it a friendship? A romantic relationship? Is it even just a close family member? There are lots of possibilities, depending on the way that you read this, and I thought the ambiguity and room for interpretation that you left in this piece was very interesting and effective.
I liked the way that each of the stanzas began with a different attribute about the addressee, something catching the narrator's attention (though I got the feeling that each attribute was also one the narrator knew well) and then you showed the dichotomy of each of those aspects. There was a light and dark, a positive and a negative, to each of them, and it's interesting that the narrator wasn't afraid to mention that. It definitely felt like they were addressing someone that they knew well, and was struggling to understand.
The last stanza worked really well to tie all of those aspects together with the puzzle metaphor - I really enjoyed this!
Hey, Sian! Thanks for the review!
I'm here with a review for the Magical Menagerie Review Event as well as the Gryffindor Red vs Gold Review event for January 2019! I've really enjoyed all of your previous poems, so I'm excited to read this one too!
Wow. This was powerful. I can really feel the anger and sadness and resolve in it. Again, not sure if this was based on an actual person you knew or an actual life event, but it has that ring of authenticity to it. It feels like a genuine reaction to someone and that makes it all the more moving.
Again, this is another free verse, but you play with some structure inside it. I like that you start each of the first three verses with the question "Who are you?" as if you're actually challenging the person you're speaking to. And then ending the last verse with "I know who you are" before you eviscerate the person verbally...it all worked perfectly.
The flow of this poem is very smooth and easy. I think it has a lot to do with starting each verse the same way, matching your line lengths throughout each verse, keeping the lines short and concise. It works really well.
Good job! I think this one might've been my favorite poem in the collection so far! I do hope you'll consider adding more to it eventually though. You really seem to have a nack for poetry and I'd love to read more. I would love to see you play with some set rhyme schemes and maybe some classical styles of poetry!
Actually, none of them (at least consiously) really had any specific event or people behind them. I think I wrote most of these on a whim. I'm glad it gives that impression though because I think that means I did a good job?
Thanks for the review, Kaitlin!
I'm here with a review for the Magical Menagerie Review Event as well as the Gryffindor Red vs Gold Review event for January 2019! Can I just say that I'm so excited that you wrote a poem about Alice In Wonderland! I can't wait to read this. :)
Ok, so this has a unique rhyme scheme as well and though this isn't a standard AABB or ABAB or even a more unusual style like a vilanelle, it works. The rhymes in this are more fluid and smooth, in my opinion. I think maybe because most of it rhymes the whole way through and there are just a couple of lines that break up that pattern.
I wonder who the narrator is that's talking about Alice in this story. I personally imagine it being the Cheshire Cat. I think it sounds cool in his mysterious, slowly drawling voice.
The ending almost seems a bit ominous and predatory, like something is waiting to eat poor sweet Alice once she falls. It's like whoever is speaking her is watching her as she floats down the rabbit hole towards them.
I really enjoyed the lines about dreams being made real and nightmares being more than a simple night's fears. That seems like such an apt description for Wonderland. It's so hard to explain a place like that because it only exists in most people's wildest fantasies.
Good job! I'm off to check out the next poem now!
I think most of them are free verse because the leasons on the AABB and ABAB styles never really stuck. I just do what sounds nice to me. I think I know the parts you're talking about, and I think they're more slant rhymes. Or at least sound that way when I read it out loud.
I kinda left it open to interpritation, but that's a logical guess and reasoning for who is behind it.
Thanks for stopping by!
I'm here with a review for the Magical Menagerie Review Event as well as the Gryffindor Red vs Gold Review event for January 2019! I'm back to check out another of your lovely poems. (I think it's highly likely that I'll actually end up reading all of them.)
This was a very interesting poem. It starts out hopeful, but slowly descends into desperation as the narrator talks about never finding what they're looking for. Then it loops back up to a semi-hopeful note about not giving up. I like the roller coaster of emotions.
I know you're okay with a little bit of critique, so I'll leave a little bit here for you. For me, the semi-rhymed scheme threw off the rhythm and flow of the poem. The first verse, the first three lines rhyme. The second verse nothing rhymes. The third verse, has an AA BB pattern and the fourth verse has an AB AB pattern. I get that you went free verse and just did it as you wanted, but the rhyme shifts made it read just a little choppy. This is, however, a personal preference thing, so feel free to ignore this if you like.
That being said, the actual content and description of the poem is lovely. You capture the feeling of despair and hope quite well. It's in the human nature to always look for a way out or a ledge to perch as you put it in this poem, even when it might be futile.
Another lovely poem! I look forward to reading the next one soon.
Ah. I put the part I meant to put here in the last review and I'm not sure why. I think the parts you're talking about where kinda slant rhymes. Or were meant to be. It's been a while when I wrote this, but when I read it outloud it flowed.
Thanks for stopping by!
I'm here with a review for the Magical Menagerie Review Event as well as the Gryffindor Red vs Gold Review event for January 2019! I love poetry and I love reading the poetry that gets posted here! It's so interesting to see what people come up with and what styles of poetry they choose to write!
This is such a sweet poem! I don't know if it was inspired by a real life person or event, but it reads that way. It reads as if you were actually writing it to someone about how you feel about them. It makes it feel genuine and that's a lovely quality for a poem.
I like that you went with a sort of structured free verse. I love free verse poetry because you can do whatever you want with it, but here adding a little structure and order to it gives it a cool effect.
This poem flows very smoothly as well because you keep each of the lines to a similar length both in word count and in syllable count. It keeps it from having any bulky or choppy parts.
The conflicting descriptions that you used in this were lovely as well. I loved the comparison of her laughter to both a summer breeze and a harsh winter gale. It's such a vivid image. Really the push and pull of all the description is lovely
Good job! I'm off to check out the next poem now!
Same reason I like free-verse. Rebel against the structure! :P
Thanks for reviewing!
Quodpot - match 3
I’m sure that this is supposed to be an original fiction story, but for my misinterpretation of the day, part of me read this as Ginny addressing her memories of Tom Riddle of the diary.
It is clear in this poem that the speaker harbors a lot f intense feelings towards the subject. While reading, I felt a heavy sense of conflicted longing, but the speaker ends on a very firm note, rejecting that. But looking back and rereading, while the fact that all of this is being said does suggest that the subject is still on the speaker’s mind, the way they are spoken about is pretty much entirely in negative terms.
While the last stanza is kind of a shift, in a decision about how the speaker will see the subject, it is not totally a change. Or at least not a sudden one. The last line of the first stanza already states that the subject will be forgotten in the future. It was only a matter of time, and that time has arrived.
I really relate to this sense of continuing to be haunted by someone who you want to be over, and I think that you did a good job of capturing that.
Your poetry i slal really good! I hope you post more sometime.
Thanks for the review, Sam! I haven't writen any poems in a while. I really should try to write some more again, and if I do I'll definitly upload here.
Quodpot - Match 3
Okay, after that embarrassing inability to interpret your last poem, this is clearly about Alice in Wonderland, yay!
There is a sense of inconsistency with the voice here, that I think is super fitting the the subject. For example, is it Alice or the listener that you are calling “my dear?” You go from talking in Alice in third person to seeming to address her directly. These shifts mimic the sense of inconsistency of the world of Wonderland.
I really like the lines about dreams and nightmares - how you get the exaggerated loveliness of one, but not without the horror of the other.
The inclusion of drowning in tears was a clever reference to the events of the book, but it felt very in place with what you were saying in the poem.
I also really like how the the verbs used at the beginning of the lines progress: entered-tumbled-escape-fall. The first and third imply that it is Alice’s choice, while the second and fourth imply a lack of control.
And the last two lines shifted from a sense of nostalgic ielization to a kind of creepy summoning. It made me wonder who the speaker is, and gives me an uneasy sense of foreboding, beyond what I know to fear for her in the books.The jabberwocky perhaps? XD
I really liked this!
Thanks for stopping by, Sam.
For the last part...maybe. Thanks for the review! :P
Quodpot - match 3
Hello, back for another of your lovely poems!
I really like the tone that you strike with this. Your imagery is very poignant, and the darkness and starlessness of the first stanza was a powerful opener.
It did take me until the third stanza to realize that you were talking about birds. I wondered if it was about people on an airplane, though that didn’t quite make sense. And while I didn’t really think it was this, I had the thought of wizard flying, perhaps on thestrals, because your writing has a kind of magical sense to it.
Poor birdies can really find nowhere to land? =( Does dropping like angels mean they just die while searching?? I feel like perhaps I am misinterpreting it again, and it is about something deeper that birds looking for a place to land?
I was also curious about how big of a group this is. If there are a ton of them, that could explain the difficulty finding a perch for them all, I suppose. You use the word “we,” so it’s not just one, but you also said that they were “alone” so that makes me think there aren’t a ton of them.
Perhaps it’s about a migratory animal whose habitat has been destroyed?
While I’m still a little clueless about the subject of this poem (typical me), I do think it was beautifully written!
This one was more symbolism filled than some of the others. It's not really about birds, though poems can be interprited in multiple ways. :p
When I was writing it I was thinking more people with a lot of symbolism.
Thanks for the review.
Quodpot - match 3
I think it’s really brave to write poetry, let alone post it, so I’m sorry to see you haven’t gotten any reviews here yet. Hopefully I can help that =)
I’ve read poetry from a handful of hpft members, but I’m not sure if yours is among them. Based on this poem, however, I am very interested in reading more of your poems!
I really enjoyed the contrasts in this piece. Not only were there the obvious contrasts within each stanza, but the stanzas themselves contrasted each other to a certain degree.
I also found it interesting that the aspects of the person being described at the first line of each stanza were never negative, although some of the following lines are. I suppose eyes are neutral, but I see smile and laughter as positive things. Of course, as you point out, a smile can hold bitterness, and a laugh can be harsh. This choice was still interesting to me though - that you started with a base of neutral or positive features, and under several layers showed how they can be more negative.
You’ve done a great job here, both of painting a picture of a person and of a relationship. The person being described seem infuriating distant and conflicting, but the person speaking is just as present in the poem, their preoccupation with this person as relevant as the subject’s conflicting signals.
I did try to go for some of that stuff, so I'm glad you caught it. Thank you for your review!