This is the eighteenth chapter. I feel really sad about this. (Please write more soon? I’m almost unwilling to start reading this chapter because it means that this amazingly real, fun, cute, clever, beautiful story will be put on pause for a while. <3)
[Okay I have now read it and my throat is closing with emotion holy crap I can’t comprehend how possible it is for these two to be this freaking cute]
I’m almost scared for the next chapter because HAPPY THINGS NEVER LAST LONG, DO THEY.
Anyway I’m going to stop being dramatic now and instead SCREAM ABOUT THE CONTENTS OF THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE I COULD GO ON AND ON. First I would like to declare my love to both Eloise ("By all means, kind sir. Take off my shirt and take me to bed!" lmfao) and Susan (“You were practically married already; what the hell was jumping his bones going to change?” bahahaha). The way you write these two is amazing and fabulous and if they were real people I would kill to be friends with them.
And this chapter was the first mention of logarithms and okay. I am not great at math. In fact, sometimes the mere mention of mathematical terms tires me out. BUT this explanation of love with logarithmic and exponential functions?? (THEY’RE INVERSES OF EACH OTHER [is that the right term idk all I know is that they’re technically opposites]) It was really beautiful. I loved it. And I don’t know why I’m fixating so much on such a short section but I just think you wrote it so beautifully and the title of this story makes so much sense now and ahhhhhh I love this story so much can you tell
I really love that Eloise is part of the family. Finlay calls both Cormac and Eloise to help him sleep, Eloise calls this place “home”… (okay every time she mentions Cormac’s sunrise smile my heart grows like five sizes IT IS SO CUTE, OKAY. SO CUTE.) (okay but also as much as I love Cormac [I’ve decided to forgive him despite his lack of apology, because, I mean, he’s done so much, how can I not] that pumpkin pun made me want to punch him into another dimension) OH also – this paragraph is a mess but – THAT CONFSSION THAT “I LOVE YOU” THAT MOMENT MADE ME SO HAPPY. IT WAS PERFECT IN THE SAME EXACT WAY THAT THEIR FIRST KISS WAS PERFECT. IT WAS CUTE AND AWKWARD AND REALISTIC AND I COULD SCREAM ABOUT IT ALL DAY BUT ALSO HE PROPOSED AND SHE TECHNICALLY SAID YES (I mean, they didn’t but the thought was there) AHHHHH. “I love you, I love you, and while I definitely don't want you to propose anytime soon because I'm far too young to be married, the day you have a ring, I'd like to say yes.” I am putting this quote on my tombstone.
Also I love every interaction that Eloise has with Cormac’s family. Aoibheann is so perfectly characterized, and the way Eloise made her feel better just…ugh. My heart <333
NO THIS IS IT THIS IS THE LAST PART AND I HAVE A FEELING THE NEXT CHAPTER’S GOING TO BE SAD :(
Ugh but seriously this is beautiful this is such a good story and I loved every second of it and I feel like my reviews have gradually deteriorated into screaming messes but just know I love your writing very, very much, and I hope you get to write more soon!! <333
HOW ARE WE AT CHAPTER SEVENTEEN ALREADY. ALSO SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED AHHHH.
Let’s start with the happy because happy is good. That entire first half cracked me up so much. I love how these two are so like un-subtle with each other, and that they literally know they like each other, but Cormac is still going to all these lengths to impress her lmao. And that Eloise just continued painting Aoibheann’s nails!! I love everyone in the McLaggen family omg. (Also this line was the funniest thing ever – “They certainly were to Eloise's, whose thoughts strayed more and who had trouble with the English language proportionally to the amount of Cormac's skin on display.”)
Alsooo omg I was totally expecting to have to wait another five million chapters before these two lovebirds finally kiss but holy crap this was the most perfect first kiss I’ve ever read. It’s just. And not because the actual kiss itself was perfect (because it wasn’t, it was adorable and messy), and really I think it was because you made it such an imperfect first kiss that it was so perfect. DID ANY OF THAT MAKE SENSE I DON’T KNOW BUT I LOVE THIS. Like I looove that Keegan dropped a metal cup and they burst out laughing and it didn’t like disrupt them from kissing each other in the end, and also I love that they were smiling so hard that they couldn’t actually kiss I mean how perfect could they be for each other???
Now for the less happy. :(
At first I was utterly delighted like CORMAC IS KISSING HER AGAIN but then it turns out because there’s bad news happening. And oh it’s pretty terrible. Like we knew fairly early on that Cormac’s father is a beastly man, but I didn’t know it was this terrible, that they’d been actively hiding with magical wards and stuff up. And that’s so, so frightening and so, so terrible and ughhh poor Cormac <3
OHMYGOODNESS SHE’S STAYING AT CORMAC’S HOUSE *SCREAMS*
OH MYG OODNESS THIS CHAPTER I AM SMILING SO HARD MY EYES HAVE GONE FUZZY
OH MY GOODNESS
OH MYGOOODNESS OH MYGODNEONESSS
(it’s awfully hard to not forgive Cormac for having not apologized [unless he totally has, and I’ve just completely missed it somehow whoops] when he’s treating Eloise like the QUEEN she is)
(also sorry for the screaming)
(I’m just very excited)
OKAY, THINGS I LOVED LOVED LOVED VERY MUCH:
- ELOISE HANGING OUT WITH CORMAC’S SIBLINGS AND LOVING THEM
- ELOISE TALKING WITH CORMAC’S MOM
- ELOISE HANGING OUT AT CORMAC’S HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE
- ELOISE WEARING CORMAC’S OVERSIZED JUMPER AND MAKING HIM THINK DIRTY/DOMESTIC THOUGHTS
- ELOISE AND CORMAC DISCUSSING FUTURE CAREERS
- CORMAC KISSING ELOISE’S HAND
- ELOISE BEING TACTILE WITH CORMAC
I’M SO SORRY THAT THIS IS SUCH A MESSY REVIEW WITH MUCH SCREAMNG BU T THEY ARE SOO CUETE I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT. ALSO WHY IS THIS FIC SUCH A SLOWBURN I’M DYING FOR THEM TO JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY SKDGJKSJGSLA
(in case you couldn’t tell, I loved this chapter <3)
After a brief calculation I have realized that I am only four chapters away from the most recent chapter. (Four including this one. My math isn’t that bad haha.) Which is a problem because now what am I supposed to do with my binge-reviewing habits?
Anyway I’m excited to see what these next four chapters bring!
[goes to actually read chapter 15 now]
Oh my goodness this chapter was a wild ride of emotions. At first I was like CORMAC HI but then I was like nooooo Eloise’s parents you can’t do that, and then I was like THANK THE HEAVENS THAT WAYNE IS A REASONABLE YOUNG MAN but then I was like oh yeah Dumbledore died :(
Guess I’ll just go in order haha.
OKAY SO CORMAC. When I read that he was the first thing Eloise saw upon waking up, I was screeching a little. Because ahh I’m so glad he’s there, I feel like it’s been so long since we’ve seen him, and though he still needs to apologize to her [oh ho ho buddy, just because I’m glad to see you doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you for treating Eloise badly] it’s just nice seeing a familiar face tbh. I love that Eloise naturally threaded her fingers through his hair, and that they just felt comfortable together doing that. Also that confession???? My heart exploded with feelings haha.
And then Eloise’s parents came in and killed the mood. And I do completely get where they’re coming from. I mean, this is their child they’re talking about, and though they don’t have a better shot at protecting her, at least she’ll be close by where they can confirm her safety immediately. But also. Eloise is an adult. There technically isn’t anything that they should be forcing her into doing. Still. It’s a very sad and complicated business. :(
WHEN WAYNE SAID THAT THEY NEEDED TO TALK, I ALMOST PANICKED but then it was all good hahaha. I hope for everyone’s sake that Wayne isn’t lying and only pretending to be alright while secretly harboring feelings for Eloise, because that would be so complicated for everyone. As of now, I’m very glad that he just let things end without making a big fuss over it, and that he seems to be super supportive (and teasing haha) about the “relationship” between Eloise and Cormac. “Relationship” is in quotation marks because I have no idea where those two lovebirds are at right now.
That funeral scene was really well-written. It was somber and saddening and just really dark, and I thought you did a beautiful job with it. <3
I never thought I’d have to relive Albus Dumbledore’s death, but here we are. Holy crap that was such a gripping chapter, I need a moment to recover haha.
I feel like I say this every chapter BUT HOW ARE YOU SUCH A MASTER AT CANON, like at this point I’m entirely accepting of the fact that this is what the Hufflepuffs were up to in all the behind-the-scenes stuff. It’s all so believable, and what I love is that I’m not bored by it – it’s sometimes simple to just repeat the same pattern of events as canon while just switching the POV around, but you add extra details, you create plans and spells and plots that we never could’ve imagined, and I think that’s just so amazing.
The scene in the beginning was so cool, when Susan and Justin got burned by the coins. At first I was briefly confused but then I was like OH MY GOODNESS because it was so smart, so well done. I like the new round-up of Hufflepuffs as well, that it includes Wayne and Eloise. (And I love how in-character Zach is. I don’t like the guy as a person, but you have to admire his consistency.)
The whole way through, I was so stressed out, but then the ending happened!! Aahhh! I honestly did not expect Eloise to be the one to close Dumbledore’s eyes. The description of his body was so detailed, I was shivering while I read it. (Is she canonically the one who finds him? I can’t remember, whoops.)
OKAY THIS IS GOOD. VERY GOOD. <3
I can’t remember if I’ve said this already, but I find it so admirable that you’ve kept this story up for five years. And you’re incredibly consistent, too; like obviously your writing has improved over the years (and I can see your progress through the story, which I think is really cool) but you manage to keep the same general style, and that’s amazing.
Okay. A lot of things happened this chapter, and I wanted to get at least one review down before I went to bed. So here goes!
I feel like I’m definitely missing something here (my fault, not yours; I’m a little too tired to function properly right now haha) but from what I can grasp, Henry’s family was attacked by a werewolf, which Henry implied was intentional. And somehow Wayne knew about it? Is there something going on here, or am I thinking too much?
But oh, Henry. Thank goodness he has this wonderful group of friends to lean on for support, with Wayne being so quick to apologize and Eloise having the Healer skills required to calm Henry down. Awww. <3
Happy news: they got their Apparition license! Yay!
And Wayne and Eloise are so freaking cute oh my goodness. He kissed the top of her head!! Adorable.
Can I just say, as illegal as it sounds, I love that Eloise just up and casted a sleeping spell on Zabini to shut him up? That’s hilarious. I also admire her integrity in the face of such terribleness. Like, she continues to uphold her responsibility as a Healer while also rolling her eyes and not letting herself agree with him. Her snark is also very amazing, I love Eloise very much. Also I really like how despite being an asshole, Zabini still sounds like a teenage boy.
Turns out I’m sleepier than I thought so I’m gonna leave one more review [hopefully coherent] and then sleep!
I’m sorry that this review is going to be so short, but it’s 12:50 a.m. and I think if I ramble on for too long it’ll start to get incoherent and embarrassing. So I just wanted to say that you made the Quidditch game sound so fun! It actually gave me such a nostalgic feeling to see Luna speak, I’ve missed my beautiful, strange weirdo. Also I was so stressed out while you were describing what Cormac was doing, and seeing his mother’s letter to him later actually explained so many things??? I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS ON THIS.
(Also I love the Hufflepuff group. I love that Eloise loves them, and that Eloise loves Susan, and that Henry called for a group hug. Perhaps I’m biased because I’m a Hufflepuff, but I love all fellow Hufflepuffs too haha.)
Okay so Cormac, if his mother is correct, is flying badly to get his father off his back? Is that what’s happening?? Oh my goodness what if he killed Harry in the process. Like obviously because Madam Pomfrey exists, Harry likely isn’t going to die, but still. And it really hurt my heart a little to read that letter. His mother sounds so awesome tbh, dealing with his father while also taking care of the children and managing to find the time to write such a detailed and lengthy letter to Cormac. And I don’t know what Cormac is doing with himself, or why he refuses to show his feelings about it, but I just really, really want him to get help. Please let Cormac get help from someone, because seeing that he’s purposefully doing terribly in order to make his father stop pestering him on Quidditch is so, so sad. :(
All those updates on the twins made me even sadder. I love little children, and it makes me nauseous that they have a father so terrible.
And that letter from Vincent was such a tone shift oh my goodness. But very much appreciated, because I was beginning to feel really sad after the letter from Cormac’s mother.
HOW IS THIS STORY SO GOOD. AND WHY MUST SLEEP BE A THING, BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO READ TO THE END.
Okay, so I think I owe Cormac an apology. Not for calling him a prick or an asshole or for demanding that he apologize to Eloise, but for implying that he was stupid for falling off a broomstick. Though, in some ways I was right, because I was like “how does one even fall off a broomstick” and then it turns out he didn’t fall off a broomstick. …But yeah. Sorry, Cormac. I should’ve guessed there was something worse going on. I feel so terrible that it wasn’t a simple injury like that, and that he has to suffer through an abusive parent. I should’ve realized something in that chapter when he was taking care of his little siblings.
Anyway, the guy still needs to apologize to Eloise. Despicable fathers do not good excuses make. I’m also mildly confused about Cormac’s logic here. What specific reason does he have to hold Eloise at arm’s length? And did he have to go full barbarian on her at the Ministry party to accomplish this goal? Like, Cormac, I would appreciate it if you didn’t cause Eloise more stress than necessary this year, thanks buddy.
And oh, Eloise. *hugs* It’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay, because you’re living through possibly the worst years of your life because of the war, but you are resilient enough to handle the stress, and you can do it. And gotta love Susan. I love her with all my heart tbh. I’d die for her, even. For both Susan and Eloise, who are amazing. I love you girls.
[I’ve just realized that I’ve been like…writing my reviews to these characters? Which is um not normal for me so I don’t know what to do about it.]
Susan and these government secrets are beginning to make me very, very nervous. What’s she shouldering? Why do people keep pestering her about it?
Oh my goodness this story just keeps getting better and better and it’s 12:36 a.m. on a school night and I really should be sleeping but nope nope nope. This story keeps dragging me in because it’s so good ugh.
Oh my god, Eloise. You adorable, useless human being. (Though tbh feelings are hard to chase away once you get them, so I guess it’s understandable. *grumbles*) I was quite amused by her blatant admiration of Cormac, despite my general distaste of him at the moment (but also he was so nice to his little siblings, who were so cute that I literally wanted to squish their cheeks through the screen???), and I was even more amused when she and Wayne headed off to the dorms to piss Cormac off lmao.
I like that Eloise is getting laid. She deserves something good out of all of this. Though Susan’s warning about feelings sounded vaguely ominous. I really, truly hope that no feelings get involved between the two of them, otherwise they’ll most likely feel sad, and I’ll feel sad, and sadness is not good. Also, I’m worried that Eloise will lose Wayne as a friend, and so far, Wayne has shaped up to be a mighty good friend, so I don’t want that for her. AHH PLEASE LET THIS ALL END WELL I AM BEGGING THE GODS.
Oh, Apparation. I really like how you always tie the story back to canon with these little details, such as Susan being the first one to get Splinched. I’m sure there are many many more references to canon that you’ve had in the previous chapters of the story, but honestly my knowledge of the books has been a sharp downward trend over the years, so I’ve probably missed a lot. But still! It’s really cool how you write it from Eloise’s perspective; it’s not just a different version of the canon story, it’s given a new flavor and personality because you write Eloise so clearly.
Okay. Eloise. I feel like I should stop her right there and give her a brief reminder of what Cormac said, and how he somehow still hasn’t apologized. I understand that she’s very attracted to him (which, as I mentioned above, can be a pain in the butt to get rid of) but COMMON SENSE. PLEASE. I mean, as attractive as Cormac sounds (and he does sound very attractive), I really really really want to hear an apology from his lips.
Also how does one just. Fall off a broom.
Anyway. This was such a good chapter and I am at this point fully addicted to this story so I shall be going onto the next chapter now despite it being past midnight lmao.
You know what? Good for you, Eloise. And tbh Wayne seems like a really good guy, so I’m perfectly satisfied that Eloise got what she wanted through Susan’s lovely advice. (Which honestly seems to be pretty helpful haha.) And as long as complicated things like feelings don’t get in the way of Wayne and Eloise (I really don’t want Eloise going through another mess), I fully support their decision to be shag buddies. Anyway, Cormac treated Eloise pretty terribly so I definitely don’t want her going back to him until he apologizes. Preferably begging on his knees.
But also, I’m just conflicted all over again? Is this what Wayne was talking about when he said that Cormac is terrible and unbearable and horrible at the Slug Club, because if Cormac acts like he did at the Ministry party to everyone else, I can see how Wayne would dislike him. But I’m such a huge sucker for good big brothers (or good older siblings in general) and watching Cormac just try to dress his baby sibling while also taking care of the little boys (WHO HOLD HANDS WHEN THEY’RE UPSET I WAS SOBBING AT HOW CUTE THIS WAS) and then also giving his sister advice on being a Squib just made me doubt myself.
How can someone who’s this kind to his siblings be so terrible to Eloise? How?? How does that compute, brain????
I need to understand why he’s like this.
Ahahaha I need a Zach/Susan hook-up because the aftermath would be fantastic. Susan is so delightfully sarcastic and inflexible towards Zach I just can’t get enough of this.
So so good. <333
Eloise is so cute with her mum! I feel like there comes a point when teenagers just want to act like kids again, especially after being away from their parents for a long while, and so I just really loved this scene here. Reading about cute family moments just makes me really happy. <3
(I would also like to declare my love for Vincent, who is possibly one of the greatest older brothers ever documented in the history of this planet.)
The only comment I have about this chapter is that there are too many consecutive long paragraphs, and one paragraph goes well over 300 words. Your writing is beautiful, but I would just break it up into easier-to-read chunks. Because, I don’t know why, but I’m really bad at finding the next line that continues the sentence, and it only gets worse when the paragraphs are bulkier haha. (I’m pretty sure that’s just a me problem, though I would still try to write shorter paragraphs. <3)
I wholeheartedly agree with Eloise’s insight on Muggles. I love that she’s doing math for fun, even though math is definitely one of my least favorite subjects haha, because it really shows who she is as a character! And I do think that the fact that Muggles (us, I guess, haha) haven’t had magic to rely on has made them more creative and clever, and so I had a lot of fun reading Eloise’s thoughts on this here.
……WHAT. CORMAC. WHAT. HOW DARE YOU CALL ELOISE STUPID. HOW DARE YOU CALL ELOISE UGLY. I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF FACE TO SAVE IN FRONT OF ALL THESE MINISTRY PEOPLE, YOU’D BETTER GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A GODDAMNED PRICK [I hope to all goodness that this language is allowed in reviews] AND DESERVE TO ROT. LITERALLY WHAT REASON COULD YOU HAVE TO BE SO TERRIBLE TO ELOISE. I AM SO FURIOUS WITH YOU RIGHT NOW I WOULD PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE IF YOU WEREN’T A NONEXISTENT CHARACTER.
Okay. I went to go get a drink of water. I’m still quite angry but I’m calmer now, as you can see by my lack of caps lock.
Welp time to go onto the next chapter to see what Cormac could possibly say for himself, the rotting piece of dung.
Susan and Zach’s enmity will never cease to amuse me hahaha. I remember with great fondness that one terrible scene in Harry Potter when Zacharias Smith got to commentate the match lmao. (Though I’m sure that while I was reading it I was pissed off as anyone at Zach, I’m laughing at it now, even though he caused Harry great misery at the time.) And I love how you just so effortlessly wove the rest of the Hufflepuffs into that collective “holy mother of Jesus how is he a part of our House and why do we even like this guy” sort of mindset, it was so funny.
ALSO THIS WAS SO CUTE. (I hope Vincent sorts out the issue with his job, though. That sounds stressful.) OKAY BUT IT WAS CUTE BECAUSE ELOISE AND CORMAC ARE JUST SO SWEET AND THEIR CHEMISTRY IS A+++. Their banter is so good, I’m so in love with the way you write their dialogue. I also hope that one day, Cormac can stop being an “unbearable wanker –Wayne” to the rest of the Hogwarts community, because it’s pretty clear he’s at his best self when he’s around Eloise (which, I might add, IS THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD).
Oh my god I could go on and on and on about this single study session, I mean, the way he got distracted when she scooted closer and her leg happened to press against his?? And the way she almost said something vaguely dirty but then got too embarrassed but he understood anyway and got distracted again?? And then when she couldn’t resist that smile of his????
Before this story, I thought there was no way I’d be able to like a character like Cormac McLaggen, but here we are, seven chapters into this story, and I am 100% converted. He is so sweet to her I can’t take it.
Awww that birthday scene was so cute. I laughed really hard at the expletive joke by Ernie, and then I was (surprisingly) touched by the effort Zach put into his gift for Eloise. And just, the gifts gotten for her by everyone else were so sweet, as well. <3
This was such a good chapter!! <3
I really really really loved this chapter. Like I was already very much absorbed into this story because of the other chapters, and I don’t know what it was about this chapter, but I was smiling and almost crying at bits.
Okay, the beginning! I thought it was hilarious how their friends were acting as wingpeople lmao. (Though we all know Cormac doesn’t make the team, and from this perspective, that makes me a little sad aww.) And gotta love Susan’s “Your McLaggen boy?” and also her “Remind me again why you aren’t climbing him like a tree?” Literally both Cormac and Eloise’s reactions were pure gold, I was cracking up.
The middle section where the two of them go outside and meet was just so beautifully written. The descriptions were just so pretty, I was so charmed reading them! From both Eloise’s and Cormac’s perspectives, the description of the outside was just so beautiful, and it made me wish to be outside. [I am something of a hermit lmao.] I am a little worried by Eloise’s talk of Susan – please don’t let her devolve into someone obsessed with conspiracies, because sometimes obsessions become really really unhealthy and I don’t want that for my dear Susan. ALSO I AM VERY GLAD THAT ELOISE APOLOGIZED. AND CORMAC WAS SO CHARMED BY HOW ELOISE DIDN’T CARE FOR WHAT HIS REASON WAS. GAH I LOVE THESE TWO. (Cormac has grown significantly in my estimation of who he is as a person haha.)
Also Eloise is so so competent in the Hospital Wing. As I was reading about the way she handled the situation, I was honestly really touched. And there’s something about seeing two characters seen in an unfavorable light in all seven books, Zabini and Malfoy, acting caring towards one of their own. Though they’re clearly deeply flawed people in terms of their beliefs, there’s that reminder that life and war still affects everyone, and that despite everything they are children still, and are too young to be facing this sort of thing. And the fact that Pansy has a little brother that she needs to take care of? Oh, my heart.
Anyway this was just such a good chapter I really loved it. <3
The introduction to the Hufflepuff boys was a lot of fun! If I’m being entirely honest, I can’t remember canon all too well, so I’m pretty sure that only Ernie, Justin, and Zacharias are canon characters, right? And if so, I really like your OCs, Wayne and Henry. But I think you characterized all the Hufflepuff boys really, really well, and I really enjoyed getting to know them, even though the circumstances are rather sad.
(Also, gotta love that Zacharias is still an asshole lmao.)
I really like that the war is always there. That no one ever forgets about it, and that you always remember to include details about it. I miss Hannah a lot, and I feel terrible that the girls have to move into the boys dormitory because there aren’t enough people in theirs for them to feel comfortable. And even though I really liked getting to know the Hufflepuff boys, I just couldn’t help but feel a little sad the whole time, because of everything that’s been happening.
That Hospital Wing scene with Henry was the most heartbreaking thing ever. But I do agree that sleeping with the aid of a powerful sleeping draught is better than no sleep at all.
Also, Eloise was so mean to Cormac, and I have a terrible feeling that he had a genuine reason why he was gone, and oh no oh no this is stressing me out!! Ahhh I actually hope that Cormac just skipped it because he was stupid, and not because he had a family emergency. :(
Anyway, another great chapter!! <3
AWWW SUSAN WHAT A GOOD FRIEND SHE IS. And seriously, what’s up with Cormac? Either he completely forgot (which is entirely plausible), or something bad happened to him, like with Eloise and Hannah. I’m hoping for his sake that none of his family members were hurt, because that would be absolutely terrible.
However, this is wartime, and I really like that you had a chapter that really focused on that. It was really, really sad, though. When I read that Hannah’s mother was murdered, my heart stopped for a second, because I already love Hannah so much despite her not appearing too many times, and that’s such a tragic loss to have. Eloise’s brother is alive at least, which I think is good. Even though I’m sure he’ll miss his hearing, it’s not the end of the world that he’s lost his hearing. Especially with Eloise’s handy research coming into play and providing that spell for him!
(And I just love the way you wrote those two. Their sibling banter was on point. Honestly whenever I see siblings interacting in real life, I almost always want to laugh, and that was the same here.)
You did such a good job with this chapter! <3
OHMYGOSH I’M SO EXCITED THAT THEY’VE MET.
Also, I’m loving Eloise more and more and more with every passing chapter. I love that she did a St. Mungo’s internship over the summer, and that she loves Herbology, and that she’s on good terms with Neville! All those things make her perfect in my book. And her general attitude towards life is weirdly inspiring haha, like she’s very no-nonsense and generally impatient with people, and I really like that about her?? Anyway this paragraph has just been to say that you have written such an interesting character to read about, and I love her.
At the moment, I can’t say quite the same for Cormac. You make his POV incredibly fun, and I actually think I enjoy his sections more than Eloise’s at times just because of how fun he is, but I think if I met Cormac in real life, I would go and join Eloise instead hahaha. But I don’t know how you do it, because both of these characters are so highly entertaining.
I really like that Cormac’s intelligent. I feel like it’s often a characteristic that gets overlooked because of his…overeager behavior when Hermione took him as her date, but it’s really cool seeing that he’s good at academic stuff. And gotta love that confidence lol. "If I'd bothered to work, I would have gotten excellent marks” hahahaha if only I had that sort of attitude in life. (Also much as I would encourage Cormac to not obsess over Eloise day and night, if I were Cormac I’d probably try to find as much as could about Eloise as well haha. She’s just that interesting.)
ALSO MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FAVORITE FAVORITE THING IN FANFICTION IS ONE-STUDENT-TUTORS-THE-OTHER SO I’M SO EXCITED FOR THAT.
Eloise sounds so cool!! I want to be her friend. The story of how she came to befriend Hannah, by only embracing Hannah once she became pettier, is actually hilarious and wonderful and I love it. I feel like a lot of friends start off on the wrong foot, but the inexplicably grow closer and closer as time goes on.
(I just wanted to say my condolences to Susan. That sounds really awful for her. I hope she’ll be okay this year. <3)
Speaking of which, I hope everyone will be okay here. I really like how you made sure to include the war in your descriptions, because sometimes when writing about minor characters it’s easier to forget the events going on around them, but there’s a war going on out there. And it impacts them all. And I’m just really glad you included it!! It makes for a more harrowing, realistic depiction of what their life is like at this frightening time.
IS ELOISE LIKE A MINI-HEALER?? If she is, that’s amazing. I actually really love the idea of Madam Pomfrey taking apprentices, or helpers, in the Hospital Wing. (I hope I’m not completely off with this; it’s almost 1 a.m. over here and I feel so incoherent right now.) Hehe if I were Cormac, I would probably feel enchanted with her too. The way you wrote Eloise’s personality from Cormac’s perspective was so compelling; she was snappish and impatient but also weirdly charming, I loved it! Also…Cormac, my man. You just don’t steal girls’ things from their pockets like that. I understand that Eloise is charming and captivating, but still. That is not a thing that nice men do.
This was a really interesting chapter! I’m so excited to see how these two progress, and how their relationship is affected by the war (if it is at all)! <3
HI. So I’ve been eyeing this story ever since it was first posted to the HPFT archives, and I’ve just finished reviewing another novel, so I’m so excited to pick this one up as my next reviewing project!
I haven’t actually read the first chapter yet, but the concept of Eloise Midgeon and Cormac McLaggen is so so so interesting, my foot is literally twitching with excitement at the thought of reading this. (So I should probably get on with it, but I wanted to say stuff first! I talk too much, sorry. .__.) Because, I mean, these two have been portrayed rather unfavorably in the books. Like, much as I love Ron and Hermione, their focus on her acne rather than her as a person was not very nice. And we’ve seen first-hand how self-centered Cormac McLaggen could be. So I’m just so interested to see how you put these two together, because THERE IS SO MUCH POTENTIAL.
Anyway. Starting now.
Ohh, poor Eloise. I really liked this brief introduction to her as a character! Will we be getting one on Cormac McLaggen, I wonder, or is this story going to focus solely on Eloise’s point of view? But yeah, having people comment extensively on insecurities is quite terrible, and I’m a little mad at the student body of Hogwarts for doing that. I mean, LOOK HOW ADORABLE SHE IS. Bookworm, intelligent, awkward?? So relatable! (Except for the ‘intelligent’ part. I am unfortunately not a Ravenclaw.) I feel so sad that she felt the need to hex off her acne. In some ways, I do wish that she’d had time to come to terms with it before it regressed, but after the acne (and people’s comments) have plagued her and caused her misery for forever, I think she’d very much rather have it gone haha.
Ngl, her brother’s line in the beginning made me laugh haha, just because it felt very much like a sibling thing to say.
It’s 3:13 a.m. right now so I’ll just be reviewing this first chapter for now, but I’ll definitely be back for more!! <3
I'm very amused by the reaction of all the other Hufflepuffs when Zach starts the Quidditch commentary XD Also, I'd forgotten that Ginny flew straight into the commentators box and ran into him, and I'm so glad this moment was captured in this fic :D
Sunsets in winter had something sinister to them, turning everything to ash and blood in a grotesque battlefield-like décor. -- I really liked this line. It's another way you're so effective at showing how the war is impacting people, without directly saying it. The fact that the first thoughts that spring to mind are blood and battles and things being destroyed says a lot. It's wonderful imagery (even if slightly sad).
I also absolutely adore the image of Madam Pince hanging one silver bauble from a lamp for Christmas. Thank you for this.
Like Eloise, I also guffawed at the line about the wizard without a hat. XD Omg.
Eloise and Cormac are super cute as they're staring at each other and talking about their holiday plans. And I love the way you continue to slip in more background information as we go along - it was nice to learn about Cormac's family.
Aww! Eloise's birthday was so sweet. Most of all because of the way you show Zacharias Smith fitting into the group. Susan makes the quip about turning Zach's hair purple while he's in fact standing right there, and sure they tease him a lot and groan about his bad Quidditch commentary but he's one of them. The photo he got for Eloise was so sweet - and I enjoyed the 'translation' from Zach-speak :P Honestly, he is one character I have kind of a soft spot for (idk why) and I like that you show this side to him that would really only be seen by the other Hufflepuffs. As much as he can be a pain in the ass sometimes, you show here that he can also be a sweetheart. I love that, it makes him so much more three-dimensional than he is in the books.
And her other presents were lovely too! It was such a wonderful moment - despite that they woke up Eloise in the middle of the night for it (omg I'd be so annoyed if it were me hahaha)
Wonderful chapter! ♥
Heyo! congrats on your FROGS nomination! I was reading this last week and could have sworn I left you a proper review, but it doesn't seem that I did. I must have been reading it late at night and decided to spare you whatever sleepy gibberish I would have typed up. Thankfully, it's afternoon now, so this should hopefully make sense XD
So, I am really enjoying this story. I like the way you're building up the characters personalities, particularly Eloise (just because she's the one we see the most in the story so far - though I liked seeing more Cormac in this one!), and how likeable she is. Most notably, I love that Eloise volunteers in the hospital wing - this is such a great addition to the story as it says so much about who she is, but also because I've never seen anything like this in a fic before. And certainly Madam Pomfrey would need help sometimes, she can't run the place all on her own if multiple people happen to get hurt on the same day (which at Hogwarts is probably fairly likely tbh) so with a volunteer then she's not running around trying to help every single person at the same time. It's such a clever addition to the story and makes so much sense.
It was nice that Eloise apologised. I can't blame her for being irritated in the frst place though, as Cormac never showed up and didn't tell her in advance, and that'd make anyone annoyed. But he did seem sorry, and I like that Cormac seemed to sort of understand why Eloise might have been so angry when he tried to apologise for being late - she really is under a lot of stress. I'm interested in seeing how these tutoring sessions actually go now that they're going to schedule one again.
Speaking of stress though, I like the ways you've incorporated the war into this, and how it's not the prime focus of the story but it's always hanging over the characters' shoulders, like what happened to Hannah :(
I thought you did great writing the Slytherins. It seems perfectly natural that Draco would be dismissive and distrustful of Eloise at first because she's a Hufflepuff and because she's not anyone he sees as particularly important, but after she told him off, he seemed to settle down and have some common sense, because he's there to make sure that Aloysius gets help. That scene was so sad, too.
Great chapter - and wonderful story so far!
Another transfer :)
Hello! Great chapter. I like seeing Eloise's interactions with Professor Sprout, and I love her friendship with Neville! I think it's quite realistic as well. I could totally see Neville as a Hufflepuff if he wasn't a Gryffindor, and he seems to get on really well with Eloise at least.
I really enjoy the two POV's. Cormac's is pretty funny. Eloise's introduction by way of embarrassing him, was great. Someone needs to take him down a notch anyway, and Eloise has a kind of quiet, unassuming way of doing exactly that.
Aw, thanks for the special mention in your author's note, you're so sweet! ♥ Lovely chapter and I'll be back to read the next whenever it's posted :)
*Transferred from The Archive That Must Not Be Named*
Hooray for random story-finding! Ok, so I have to admit the thing that drew me in was the pairing. I was like "This is the weirdest ship ever, I have to read it." :p Anyway, I love Hogwarts-era stories told by other viewpoints than Harry's. And I really like how you've characterised Eloise! She hardly gets a mention in the books - and even then, it's not a particularly nice one, just Ron's opinion when he's 14 and concerned with appearances. Anyway, I like your description of her, she seems very realistic, she's just a normal teenage girl dealing with all the issues that come with being a teenager, like acne, or how her friend spends time with another friend who she gets jealous of... she's so relatable.
The other Hufflepuffs are wonderful! Especially Hannah, how she started out very naive and sweet, and has become a cynic. I love the way you've described their friendship, and I look forward to reading more about them!
Oh and Cormac McLaggen. I hated him in the books! He's just as dislikeable here, but since it's from his perspective he's not quite as bad, if that makes sense. He's quite amusing in this, actually. I really, really can't wait to see Cormac and Eloise's next interaction. I don't think Eloise would put up with him for long! :P
You've done a fantastic job with this story so far and I'm really eager to read more, I cant wait to see where you take this.
This is yet another highly entertaining chapter. And it's very mean of you to keep us in the dark about what was wrong with Cormac in the previous chapter. I mean, I was pretty angry at him as I started the chapter, but then you had to include that bit with him at home. It was such a sweet scene, seeing him interacting with his siblings and how supportive he is of them. Especially with Ave and her being a squib. This is another thing that I really admire about this story. Whether it's with Cormac or with Eloise, you really focus on their relationship with their siblings and their families, and have gone great lengths to flesh them all out and acquaint us with them. I really, really love when a story has such a solid friends/family dimension, and you've got both.
Which brings me to the next point. I suppose I did notice that Eloise was a bit too familiar with Wayne than with the rest of the boys in her circle of friends (especially when she went to see him in the hospital wing; I thought that scene was rather cute). And while I am rooting for Cormac and Eloise to get together because I love the tension and relationships that come with the love-hate dynamic, I also can't help but approve of Eloise going for it with Wayne (even if it's just physical as the two of them claim thus far) because I am also a sucker for friends-to-lover kind of relationships. Again, it's only physical for now, but I can't help but wonder if it may become more and how it may/will complicate things further between Eloise and Cormac.
Nine chapters in, and I'm still as engaged as ever and eager for me. And that, my dear Val, is how much I love this story already.
Heya again! I loved this chapter so I thought I'd drop by and leave you a review.
This was such an exciting chapter;lots of exciting things happen! At this point of the story, I'm thoroughly enjoying how you've been showing us a fair bit of what's happening in the background in Hogwarts what with Quidditch matches and all.
And then we get to check in on our budding hate-hopefully-soon-to-be-love budding friendship between Eloise and Cormac McLaggen. You really have a way with snarky dialogue! I was laughing throuhout their entire exchange. I admire Eloise for being such a smart and dedicated student and how she's imposing all of that on Cormac. People who manage to do well academically with minimal effort are so lucky, and it's hard not to be so envious. So I like that Eloise is so hard-working. I don't suppose I've read another story with a Hufflepuff as the main character, so I love how you're representing them. My bestie is an incredibly smart and studious Hufflepuff, so... It was nice to see these two warm up to each other what with sharing personal things, and even be relaxed enough to joke about sex. That was a lot of fun to read.
My absolute favourite part was when her friends suprised her for her birthday. They're just adorable and so thoughtful. I can't wait to get to know them all even better and see how their stories will unfold in the sidelines. And really how everything else will unfold. I'm super excited for everything!
I love hate the Hufflepuff boys. Okay, mostly love. I especially love Eloise's description of them. I especially love her thoughts on Zacharias and him keeping his mouth shut.
I know you worried about their interactions considering how she is a bit of a loner, but I think even loners have their own groups and it feels more like they've fallen into a comfortable rhythm from living together for years more than anything else. It feels very natural.
Honestly that was quite the speech she gave Cormac and one day I hope you rewrite that scene from his perspective.
The way the hufflepuffs are banding together in one room reminds me a lot of when DA did that in the room of requirement in DH and it makes my heart ache and I'm feeling all nostalgic and now I need a story during that time period. Or I can hope that this story stretches through seventh year? That seems like the best option.
Wayne is my child: "We need to stop using gross stereotypes when referring to the other houses because then all we do is perpetuate biased ideas that make us antagonise one another when we should be trying to increase inter-house unity." Love him and I want more of him.
I know my reviews should have more substance, but I'm mostly just enjoying the magic so shhh. As always, I loved it!