It's a travesty that I haven't reviewed for you on HPFT yet, so here I am with the first of what I hope will be many!
This was a lovely one-shot! I really adore Alice as a character and wish people would write about her more. So it was a good opportunity for me to get to read about this moment! I really love the idea of her and Luci, but it makes me so sad to think that she would then marry Frank instead.
The writing in this was so solid! I loved the (She was just so much more.) parts. That was such a wonderful way to introduce Alice's love for Luci, despite her situation with Frank.
Characterization-wise, Alice and Luci were lovely. You made me root for them and wish they could be together. And you made me so happy-sad at the end! It's so bittersweet! I wish they could have worked something out...and knowing Alice's fate just makes it that much harder.
The scene was set situation-wise, but I had a little bit of trouble envisioning the setting. Perhaps a few more descriptions of the place and the two women would help readers to see the story better?
The only writing error I saw was in the sentence, "All she had to do was say the word and you'd call off the entire wedding." where "you'd" should be "she'd" or "Alice would."
Other than that, wonderful job! I really enjoyed this! :)
Hi, Rumpel! Snowball (hug) for you! :)
I have to admit it, I wasn't expecting this at all... it's so strange to imagine Alice with someone other than Frank (for some reason, it's a thought that never crossed my mind), much more her running off to this other person on the day of her wedding... but I did love the passion and the emotion of the piece, and the idea of giving this secret love a last chance.
And how bittersweet that this ended in a declaration of love. I'm not really sure how I feel about all this, on one hand I'm so happy that they got this chance of being together one last time and live their feelings, on the other it makes me sad... but life is bittersweet, right?
This was really well written and so surprising and I really loved it. Also, I loved that there was a bit of comic relief too, with sergeant Marlene in the beginning. :P
Great job as always!
This was really different to other stories of yours that I've read, I think, but I really enjoyed reading it. We don't get to read much about Alice Longbottom (or Prewett here) and I was so intrigued to see what you were going to choose as the memory that she used to cast her Patronus.
I wasn't expecting that twist at all - I thought it was really clever for you to subvert the expectation here that Alice's happiest memory would be her wedding day to Frank but in fact she used her feelings for Luci to cast it. I found it really interesting that the memory and the time she spent with Luci was tinged with a slight sadness - it was kind of bittersweet - but the intensity of the emotions meant that it was the perfect memory for her to use to cast the Patronus Charm.
I was a little confused about whether the memory was one that Alice was remembering from before she got married, or whether it was taking place after Alice got married - I think just a quick sentence might help out with that, though.
I loved the way that you set the scene at the beginning of this story, with the frenzied preparations for the wedding and Marlene as the terrifying chief bridesmaid.
But I think my favourite thing was the passion and intensity that you managed to convey here, about the way that Luci and Alice feel about each other. You capture so much of their relationship and feelings in that scene together, but it was kind of bittersweet. Their feelings are so strong, though, and I can definitely see the way that would create a Patronus.
Omg never apologizing for gifting me with rare femslash pairs!
I was a little confused by the sentence starting “Alice dropped the curtain.” First, I wasn’t certain what curtain it was referring to and where she was in relation to the others. Also, the structure of the sentence made it unclear of Alice or Lily was the one slipping away.
lol yes if you’re not sold on going through on your wedding, I would certainly recommend a more lax maid of honor XD
I liked the correction about there being nothing sordid about the affair.
The tone of this piece is intoxicating. I can really feel Alice’s whirlwind of emotion and her desire for Luci that makes sense of right and wrong fade away.
Ughhh so many feelings. The joy at the declaration of love is so intense (I loved the description of it as a “sweet fantasy” btw). There’s also a sadness knowing that this is all very short term, but the fact that this is Alice’s happiest memory helps with that by telling us that she does not regret it and thinking of it, even much later, fills her with joy.
This piece is so intense, and not everything about it is happy, but I can definitely see how something that powerful could be used to summon a patronus.
I've not seen Alice in a f/f pairing before so it's really interesting concept especially for this challenge. I like the twist that it was set at her wedding but her wedding wasn't really the memory that she used. I really like this little snap shot into her mind during this time.
I thought Alice and Luci were very cute together but you wrote it as very passionate but it didn't seem overly smutty if you get me? I guess like Alice say (Only nothing could possibly be sordid about this affair--it was too...perfect.) that rather sums it up for me. you can feel the emotion between the two ladies is it's a bit sad that they didn't really get to be together. I agree with you that I think Neville would be her happiest memory after he was born though. I think you have Alice all figured out really.
I liked the beginning with Marlene acting as crazy Maid of Honour or as you put it 'unflattering transformation into a drill sergeant.'. I like that imagery because it really added to this 'stolen moment' vibe that this piece has. I think this piece has a very unique feel to it so good luck with the challenge!
- Abbi xo
Hi, I'm here for the winter wonderland event.
You should know by now that I really love your writing. I've read a couple of things by you now, and I've really enjoyed each and everyone of them. This story included. I don't understand why you're so nervous about it (the too familiar writer's perfectionist and self-doubt tendencies aside). I will admit that this is quite different than anything else I've read by you. It's more relaxed, more tender, dreamier. And yet, it has just the right amount of the sassy and funny streak that I'm used to from you.
The uncertainty about the plot in this story didn't trouble me too much. It's just a glimpse into Alice's head. An account of cold feet, difficult decisions, and love that cannot be contained.
This was my favourite line: "weakened knees were not meant for standing."
It's just so vivid and powerful, showing the extent of Luci's effect on Alice.
I really enjoyed this read. You made it so easy to sympathise with Alice in her conflict --despite my firm and understandable opposition for cheating. Do you see what you've done to me?
Never stop producing amazing content!
Hi Rumpels! This seemed like a very interesting idea for a fic so I had to check it out ;)
This is such a bittersweet story. Alice and Luci clearly care a lot for one another but they are each second place and set aside for their respective fiancés. I wonder why this is - whether they both just wanted some fun and are calling it off just because one of them is settling down now, or whether they wished that they could marry each other and the only reason they're marrying men instead is because they legally can't marry each other. I kinda hope it's the first reason, because the second would be so sad. But it's something I could also see happening - especially in a pureblood family.
Just based on the fact that this event ultimately becomes Alice's happy memory for a patronus, I kind of wonder if it is the second reason - if Luci's love is so important to her that the I-love-you moment is her memory. It kind of casts a sad light on her relationship with Frank. Like, she's happy, but she knows she could have been happier.
Or maybe it still is the first reason and Alice is just someone who loves being a rebel and that's why it's her happy memory. there are so many ways to interpret the 'why' of this story and I guess I'll never know! But I really enjoyed the story!
also- Lucinda Talkalot :P this name makes me laugh, but it honestly sounds like a wizarding world type of name. Some of JKRs names were quite quirky like that (like Remus Lupin aka Wolfy McWerewolf.) I feel like I have a great idea of who she is just based on her name! I liked the way you wrote the two of them as well.