Hi! I'm stopping in for BvB :)
Oooh, I've never ready angsty Remus/Tonks before, so this take on the pairing is very unique to me. I really enjoyed this! I think, given the circumstances at hand, this is a very plausible state of mind for Tonks to be in. Being in the midst of war adds a cloud of uncertainty to nearly every aspect of life, and on top of the normal "does he he like me?", that's a recipe for some serious inner turmoil. You really did a nice job of flipping the usual portrayal of Tonks on its head. I enjoyed seeing her as someone other than the confident person we're used to. This is a great preface to the Tonks we eventually see in Half-Blood Prince.
I also really enjoyed the way you tied Wolfstar into this. There seems to be a never ending Remus/Sirius vs. Remus/Tonks battle going on within the fandom, and I've always been on the sidelines asking, "why not both?" :D I think they're both plausible ships, and Remus obviously had a life before he met Tonks.
Favorite line: "This was never the kind of woman I intended to be." It just sums up Tonks so well, and I can feel her frustration with being vulnerable.
This was a very well-written piece! Excellent work!
So, I absolutely adore the concept of Tonks watching Remus, hesitant of if he returns the same feelings that she's harboring for him because of the way that he looks at Sirius. It must be difficult for her to judge whether she wants to admit them to him or not--to start something. I also love her convictions, that she does not want to be the kind of woman who languishes in the need for a man who has no interest in her. Furthermore, the cyclical nature of her stance on that issue must be agonizing--one moment, feeling that terrible ache of love for him, the next telling herself that she needs to let go and that she can let go, only to be swept right back up in him. This is such a sad little dark fic!
Brilliantly done, at that!
Just popping by to check out some of your lovely writing! I'm a big fan of an angsty Remus/Tonks story, so I knew this was right up my alley!
Oh man was this angsty! Poor Tonks! It must be so tough for her to watch the man she loves be in love with someone else. I know I've been there before and you just drive yourself mad looking for the littlest sign of interest. The way she ran through all of their interactions was so realistic.
I also thought it was really sad how she compared herself to Sirius so much! Like I know she's wasting away looking for Remus' affections, but if he's as obviously in love with Sirius as it sounds like he is, maybe it's time for her to move on. I mean she's only hurting herself chasing someone who's unavailable.
The little prayer that she keeps repeating to herself is so sad. It's so hard for the mind to convince the heart it's wrong. She knows this is bad for her mental health. She wants it to end, but ultmiately, she just can't let him go. It really made my heart ache for her.
I really liked how you wrote this as well. Usually Tonks is so light and upbeat, but the fact that you've written her in such a somber manner really shows just how down she is.