Reviews For What We Become

Name: justawillowtree (Signed) · Date: 02 Jun 2018 05:31 AM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: Plan B is Spain





Okay I realize that it’s a fairly out-there idea. It’s just, after reading this first section, I’m trying to figure out how she could ever have loved this man enough to live with him of her own accord, at least at first. All the questions she asked about Karkaroff being a Death Eater, being uncaring about Gideon’s death… I mean, they seem like fairly obvious answers to me?? Like, if I ever discovered that the person I was dating happened to be a neo-Nazi, I would not only want to just curl into a ball and die but I would also feel too disgusted to continue dating them, you know? GRACE WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU.


(Though, they picked out their Christmas tree together? Sounds suspiciously domestic.)


Hahaha they made her move into Sirius’s flat? She probably should’ve expected something as dramatic as that, I mean, having a Death Eater know her address probably isn’t the safest way to go. Grace’s bitterness about the fact is really funny, though, haha. I also want to know if Sirius actually had a guest in mind for the spare room. Who was it?


Ahh the poor girl, she has no idea that the next day means Karkaroff’s gonna catch her.


Oh, and speak of the devil, here’s here. This scene freaked me out so much last time…but what? RUMPELS, I AM BAFFLED. Is he trying to turn her into someone that will be worth something in war? Like, he seemed disappointed that she was bad at lying, which makes me feel like he seems some use or potential in her. Why did he let her go?? (Also I feel mildly embarrassed now that I’ve actually read the scene; clearly my dramatic reaction last chapter was somewhat uncalled for haha.)


Whoa whaaat. Grace. Gracegracegracegracegrace. Okay well first of all I’m gonna soften my criticism of you with a compliment: you’ve got gumption to just volunteer to risk your life hang out with a potential Death Eater (and possibly more Death Eaters). HOWEVER. “Besides, I still had no solid evidence that Karkaroff actually was a Death Eater.” GURL, THE GUY WAS BROUGHT BEFORE THE LAW. ARE YOU NOT SMELLING THE FISHINESS IN THE AIR.


Anyway I’m excited to see where Grace’s “spying” goes!


Also, this girl and her coffee hahaha. I loved this little intermission scene because it just showed a bunch of Grace cuteness. She’s adorable. (Also I forgot to mention this before but the fact that she was debating between underwear or her coffee-maker made me laugh, haha.) I hope she can become friends with Sirius, ngl, because these two would have the funniest conversations I feel.


Oh my god, Grace is quite the character. She gets bored of waiting so she just calls on Karkaroff? No wonder why she almost got herself in trouble with one of his fellow Death Eaters lmao (at least, I think that’s who’s visiting Karkaroof), this girl has no common sense. (In the best way possible, though – I’ve never seen a character quite like Grace before, and I love her.) But I thought this was super interesting for two reasons – (1) this pretty much proves that Karkaroff’s a Death Eater, doesn’t it? and (2) Karkaroff kept her safe.


Karkaroff’s probably doing that same thing that Grace is doing, where their mind gets twisted by their feelings. Except, neither of them is doing it in a particularly healthy way haha, Grace’s mind is willing to excuse a Death Eater because she likes him, while Karkaroff…seems to only care about Grace, and would probably be more than fine with sacrificing any other half-blood or Muggle-born. ANYWAY THIS STORY IS SO INTERESTING.


Rumpels, please let me know the second you get an update up! This is so good, and so refreshing, and I love reading stories about Slytherins, and I’m sooo in love with this!! <33



Name: justawillowtree (Signed) · Date: 02 Jun 2018 12:00 AM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: Buttons and Graphorns

HI RUMPELS. I am back and prepared to finish your reviews! I love this story so much anyway, and what you’ve done with it. <3


These dates are actually really easy to remember. As soon as I saw September 15, 1978, I knew that it was the same day that Grace first met Karkaroff in the bar. And ohh goodness, Grace. This isn’t a good idea. Not at all. No matter how handsome or steady or playful he is, he still believes in a genocide. Granted, Grace doesn’t know this 100%, but she definitely seems to be leaning towards liking him regardless. (I mean, her fantasies say it all lol.) And we already know that she gets together with him later. But we also know that she breaks up with him later. AHH.


Oooh what does Dumbledore want her to do? Act as a double agent? And ahh while I do feel bad for her that her friends are away and that she has no one to socialize with, HE IS A DEATH EATER, GRACE. Her “disproven” defense is a little bit hollow. Also James and Sirius omg. It makes my heart hurt so much every time I see them in fic haha (though really I should be over it, it’s been like over seven years since I last read the books).


Oh I see, they bugged her, didn’t they? OMG ‘BUGGED’. SHE’S WEARING A BEETLE. BUG. RUMPELS IF THIS WAS ON PURPOSE, THAT IS HILARIOUS. Also, it’s a little disarming how normal Karkaroff is. But that’s how it is, isn’t it? Relatively normal men go off and do terrible things sometimes. I hope Grace really, really doesn’t lose her sense of morals, but ugh Karkaroff’s just so charming I’m not sure she’ll be able to help it hahaha. Like, his story about the stuffed Graphorn? I totally would’ve been super interested to hear it. (You’ve written such a fascinating character I’m in love with the concept of him.)


I have a bad feeling that Gideon’s lack of trust in her is going to push the two further apart. Grace should know better, I hope, than to join the Death Eaters instead, but I DON’T KNOW.


It’s weird that Marlene and her friends would attack Grace, especially if she’s never been seen with Mulciber before, aside from being in the same House. It just doesn’t make logical sense to do that haha. I feel really bad for Grace about that, she definitely doesn’t deserve it.


How do you even know that Karkaroff did any of those things? Did you see him?” Oh no, Grace. This is…a pretty terrible thing to say. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Look I get that you’re lonely, and I’m so so sorry that you’re lonely, but when one friend is fighting a war that you don’t want to be a part of, then it’s not their fault when they cease contact with you. Please stop defending Death Eaters. Ahhh. Also omg Grace telling Karkaroff where her home is was such a terrible idea but I can’t even blame her for this because she was drunk and couldn’t get home otherwise. AHHHH. RUMPELS. I AM VERY WORRIED.


OH MY GOD. OF COURSE HE KNEW SHE WAS SPYING ON HIM, WHAT WAS THE ORDER THINKING, TRUSTING HER WITH THIS. Like obviously Grace isn’t trained to be a spy, and so they risked her life to do this??? GUYS, NO. That entire scene where Karkaroff revealed that he knew about her plan, that he had her wand, omggg I was literally on the edge of my seat the whole time. What is he going to do with her? She’s not going to die, but bad things can still happen. Like, um, the fact that she joins the Death Eaters to escape further punishment or something. RUMPELS THIS IS SO STRESSFUL BUT I LOVE IT.



Author's Response:

O/ Yay, Eva!


I'm extremely relieved to hear that the dates are easy to remember! That's been one of those things that I've been worrying about the most. That's right, a Death Eater is a Death Eater is a Death Eater no matter what kind of spin you put on it and Karkaroff is ultimately a Death Eater, despite whatever other qualities he might have. And still, Grace (being her typical self) is finding something particularly alluring about him, though she can't quite put her finger on it at this point in the story. It's also important to remember that some of the world's most terrible people were at the same time charming and charismatic. Also, also keep in mind that none of Karkaroff's motives (for Grace or for joining Voldemort) haven't been revealed yet (not that ever, ever, ever excuses him).


Heheh, you're right -- her excuse really doesn't give her any ground to stand on but she'll use it until the moment that she can't. Double agent is the role they're going for, though she'll never be anywhere as skilled at it as Severus Snape [just leave the foreshadowing here and slip on away...]. YES I KNOW! I write in the First Wizarding War era so often that I think I've become somewhat numb to the idea -- the Marauder's tragic end has been something I've explored so much. Not that I'm not extremely saddened by it...because I am. 


THE BEETLE! I was trying to figure out what the magical equivalent of a bug was and ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS RITA SKEETER AND HER ANIMAGUS. SO I WAS LIKE -- OMG A BUG! Of course the magical equivalent of a bug is ... a BUG! :p  Karkaroff's certainly got the charm. Hahaha! I'm glad you like the story about the stuffed Graphorn -- that was fun to write. I wanted to get Karkaroff and Grace alone together for the ending scene and all I could picture was his house. Then I had to figure out WHY on EARTH Grace would go to his HOUSE on essentially the first date. So...STUFFED GRAPHORN! 


There's more behind that than just the Gryffindor girls outright attacking Grace for something a House member did -- we have some flashing back to Hogwarts to do. While Grace relatively tried to stay out of the way back in school, that didn't stop her from making her fair share of enemies along the way. 


Haha -- like I said in the last response, Grace reacts too quickly based on her emotions or Grace overthinks things far too much. Yes, Grace is quite lonely, which is one of the main reasons she stayed at the bar to have a drink with Karkaroff on the first night. She's also not seeing that Gideon's sudden cut-off from her might be Gideon trying to protect her because 1. she wants to maintain neutrality, at this point and 2. it's dangerous. 


I'M SORRY THIS STRESSED YOU OUT SO MUCH! I like cliffhangers way too much. Also, Grace's job was to go to the bar with Karkaroff -- Grace's job was NOT to leave the safety of the public and head on over to Karkaroff's house. Either way, she could've probably done with a little bit of training or something... :D





Name: justawillowtree (Signed) · Date: 31 May 2018 11:18 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: The Trouble With Whiskey



Okay so this is amazing. I’m gonna go through my reactions for each little section first before summarizing it all at the end. (Please note that this is like my first time reviewing like this; normally I read through the entire thing before reviewing, but this is like actual live-reviewing hahaha. Wish me luck!)


Oh my god oh my god. Okay first, though, is that Russian? Because I am in love with the way Russian sounds. I have a friend who can speak Russian (you’d think I’d know what the romanization looks like, then) and I could listen to him all day long. Anyway. Just wanted to mention that I really appreciate the extra little touches of language here and there, even if I don’t know what it means. My question is – Gideon is dead?? I doubt Grace killed him, because she’s too distraught over his death, but she definitely distracted him, which indirectly caused it. BUT WHY IS SHE WEARING A MASK??? IS SHE A DEATH EATER? WHY IS SHE A DEATH EATER. GRACE WHAT DID YOU DO.


It’s because she started being together with Karkaroff, isn’t it. Speaking of, she’s in his room. Was it just a dream? She said it was a memory, and not a fabrication, but I’m not sure if that was her dream-brain speaking or her real-brain speaking. But I think it’d be a logical conclusion to draw that after getting together with Karkaroff, she became a Death Eater. Okay but what is this guy up to now?? He seems to be generally cute with her (because even monsters have loves, I suppose), so I’m curious. Is it a surprise that he made? For this “not-Christmas” day? Hm.


This entire section with Greta and Gideon and their last night altogether was so bittersweet. I’m generally bad with dates, but since 1980 was the war, I could pretty easily figure out that 1978 was pre-war (wow such intelligence, Eva) and make the conclusions that she’d just moved into her own place. Ahh, I wish we had more moments with these three; their friendship seemed particularly sweet. But. Where did Gideon go off to, that he suddenly cut off contact? Was it the Order of Merlin business that kept him away?? He obviously wasn’t dead because otherwise how would’ve he died in 1980? Wait though, that was a dream. Unless it wasn’t??? I’m leaning towards the fact that it wasn’t, because I think I’m over-thinking this. Honestly I’m having a ball of a time figuring this out, Rumpels. (Though if I’m wrong about any of this, please know it’s not your fault and it’s totally mine for being dumb omg.)


Oh goodness, Grace. You just went and had drinks with Karkaroff. What, may I ask you, my dear, possessed you to think that that was a good idea?? NO WONDER THE ORDER SHOWED UP AT YOUR DOORSTEP THREE DAYS LATER. YOU WERE FRATERNIZING WITH A DEATH EATER, GIRL. It was cute that she was worried about Gideon immediately, but also I wanted to flick her on the head for her to get her head in the game. Though I am glad that Black seemed to soften a bit at her immediate concern for Gideon. Maybe that’ll help her because I am very very stressed out for her right now. Silly Grace.


But oooh we get more details about that meeting! (I love the time-jumps, by the way, you pick really, really good places to skip back and forth, and that just makes the story so much more entertaining to read!) And ugh of course this guy’s first reaction is to check if she’s Pureblood. Seeing the smile slip off his face was chilling, in a way. “Let’s drink to better fathers,” Karkaroff?? Um excuse you, but Grace’s father is already wonderful, according to her. Also I’m sorry you find the fact that your father is illegitimate embarrassing, but that’s a you problem, man.


[Also I’m really sorry for talking to your characters. I feel like it’s getting a bit weird.]


Ahh so Grace is going to learn about the Order of Merlin then. No wonder why she’s totally confused about this mish-mash of people holding her hostage haha. I’M SO HAPPY THAT GIDEON’S OKAY, THEN. So he did join the Order!


Anyway this review has gotten to be a bit long, but just know that I loved the time jumps and how you used them, and I loved the out-of-order progression of Grace and Karkaroff’s relationship, and I love your OC Grace. She’s really shaping up to be such a fascinating character who I’m sure is going to make some pretty morally questionable decisions in the future, so I’m really looking forward to reading the next couple of chapters of your story! <3



Author's Response:



Best of luck with your live-reaction reviews, haha!


Yeah, that's Russian! I absolutely adore Russian, too -- there's something about the sound of the words that are extremely appealing. I wish I had taken the extra effort to learn Russian (other than the few phrases I've picked up here and there, like 'goodbye,' 'hurry up,' and 'darling'). I think it started from watching Anastasia as a kid (which was one of my favorites) and loving the accents. Then I actually heard Russian as I got a little older and absolutely fell in love. Unfortunately, I grew up in a small town, with a small school (which meant there was not a lot of funding). So, when I was given the choice to learn a second language, I had French and Spanish to choose from and ultimately chose French because there were more courses offered. That was a terrible experience. Year after year we'd lose our French instructors, usually one or two a year. And each and every instructor would START OVER every year. So, by the time we'd reached year four of French, we were still stuck in learning year one and some of year two materials. So, yeah, I still had to do my research for the romanization; double check myself, learn a couple more phrases, reach out to a couple people to make sure my syntax was in order :P. I think it might be easier for me to just learn the language at this point, hahaha!




The dream was a memory that turned into a nightmare but will be more fully explained once we reach that point chronologically (lol if I can even claim this story has a chronological timeline hidden in there somewhere). And there's an explanation behind Grace and the mask but we'll get there -- just keep in mind that dreams, even if they are a memory, tend to stray away from how the event actually happened. ;) And you'll find out that she's a little too stubborn to just go along with whatever Karkaroff says or does. Without treading too far into the realm of spoilers, I'll say that Grace never really becomes a Death Eater, per se. O.O Eeeee, but we'll get there when we get there! As for Karkaroff, let's just say that his motivations and intentions in the war might not fit directly into the canon compliance -- I'm canon-bending. That doesn't mean, though that he is by any means a 'good guy' in that respect or that his actions will ever be excusable. 


When I think in terms of 'First Wizarding War,' I think back to major conflict arising as early as the 1940s, with the war officially starting in 1970 -- I think the major arc is centered around the rise and reign of Tom Riddle/Voldemort, but started initially with Grindelwald, though his actions were thwarted by Dumbledore before things became "as bad" as they did with Voldemort. So in terms of "war time," the Wizarding world is already in a state of semi-turmoil. I think the Ministry of Magic, like the Ministry does best, probably swept as much away from the media sources and out of the public eye as possible, though I'm assured the Prophet and other papers tried to report on as many attacks as possible. In the timeline I'm using, the original Order of the Phoenix has already begun being established in an effort to build a resistance against Voldemort & Co. I think that 1978-81 was the spanse of time marking the more extreme and publicly noticed attacks and when Voldemort's army began rising rapidly in numbers (as the fear spread, more people fell in line to his will). 


:( Grace, Gideon, and Greta's (I swear I didn't do that on purpose *headdesk) friendship was meant to depict a lot of friendships I see as they shoved into the world of adulthood. Like my friendships, life happens, and we get so swept up in what we're doing that oftentimes we didn't make time to stay in touch and we would eventually become strangers. However, in this things are a little different, with the war and such. And, yes, Gideon's been quite busy with the Order of the Pheonix but we'll have some serious Gideon-Grace dialogue later on, where they talk about this.


:D Grace is very driven by her emotional reactions or Grace is very inclined to over-think things. So, sometimes she acts without thinking and sometimes she overthinks to the point of no return and in both instances can make poor decisions because of them. Grace is extremely lonely at this point, which is her main motivation behind staying and drinking with Karkaroff. It might not have been a very wise decision or a very good excuse, but short of locking her in a closet (we save that for Regulus), there's literally nothing I can do to stop her ;). And yeah, that's why the Order showed up for an impromptu (slightly over-dramatic, but I mean, war) interrogation. 


Ahahahahahaha! Having you reprimand Karkaroff via review is hilarious. Don't feel sorry, I sometimes have to yell at people's characters, too. They just need a good shouting-at sometimes, 


O/ Thanks so much for your lovely review!!!!



Name: A drop of Amortentia (Anonymous) · Date: 17 Feb 2018 02:10 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: Plan B is Spain

 Hello, my dear Rumpels! I'm here again with some more love for you (and to find out how Grace was doing)

This is a very complex situation our young lady has put herself into, isn't it? But love is always complex, that's why I'm considered one of the most dangerous potions.

Once again, I loved the Order dynamics. James Potter and Sirius Black, as crazy as ever, Dumbledore's scheming, Moody's pragmatism, Gideon's worry and defensiveness. Grace should have probably listened to her friend, after all she always wanted to live a simple and quiet life away from the action/danger of the war, instead she's throwing herself in the middle of it. I wonder where this will lead her, it's still unclear to me if she'll keep working for Dumbledore, if she will become a Death Eater sympathizer or if she'll just live with Igor without being directly involved with either side. The third seems unlikely, since she is already involved, but I suppose I'll need more updates from you to know for sure (the not-so-subliminal message is keep writing... keep writing... keep writing...)

"Can I say something?" I will confess it, I expected more a "will you stop talking about me as if I wasn't here?" Which she later did think, actually, but I think it's interesting that she interrupted so politely. Maybe she's starting to learn a bit of prudence? I loved her annoyance at being forced in this cohabitation with Sirius, though. The soluble coffee scene was hilarious.

Who was Igor waiting for? Other Death Eaters? Voldemort himself? Him being so scared at seeing Grace makes me think that something huge was supposed to go on soon. Once again, you left me with a cliffhanger (one more reason for you to hurry up with your updates... you don't want me to evaporate before I know what's going on, right?)

As always, your writing was lovely. The descriptions, the dialogue, the characterization, the different scenes you chose to show and the way you accosted them. All magistrally executed. And the atmosphere of the first scene, and Grace's thoughts, and all those unanswered questions. I could really feel the complexity of their relationship and all her doubts and it was so wonderful. And you cracked me up a bit with her thoughts about running off to Spain. I love how you manage to balance angst and humor, it's brilliant.

Thank you for this ride, it's been so great. Now I'm off to explore more of your AP.

Tons of love for you,

a drop of Amortentia.

Author's Response:

Hello dear!


Grace most certainly should have listened to Gideon... But Grace is a little put off that Gideon hasn't contacted her, so she reacts with some poor judgement. I've be struggling with writing the next few chapters, but they should be done at some point, haha!


Again, thank you so very much for being an amazing Secret Cupid <3

Name: A drop of Amortentia (Anonymous) · Date: 17 Feb 2018 07:17 AM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: Buttons and Graphorns

Uh oh. Someone is in trouble.

Oh, sorry, I forgot to say hello. It's still me, a drop of Amortentia, here with another little Valentine gift review for you.

I love this story, the style, the mistery, how you reveal bits and jump back and forth in time, it's all very effective. You have a way to building suspance and tension, I love it.

Poor Grace, a little, almost innocent, drink at a pub and she finds herself into such a mess. I loved all the dynamics in this chapter, her discussion with Gideon, the different attitudes of all the Order members, the chemistry between her and Igor, all so well done.

I should also add, I love Grace as a character. She is so witty and sarcastic and I love how she just speaks her mind and seems unable to filter anything, that's always so fun to see in a character and I often have to giggle at her thoughts.

My favourite scene of this chapter has to be the school memory, when the group of Gryffindor girls attacked her. That's prejudice, too, thinking that all Slytherins are evil and blaming the wrong-doing of one individual on the whole group. It's an important aspect to show. And I also loved how that scene highlighted the friendship among Grace, Gideon and Greta, it was so nice to see them running in her aid.

As I already said, I loved all the interactions within the Order. There was some comic relief that I really appreciated. Grace's fury was completely justifiable, but I can understand the Order's point of view, too. It was a bit of a hazard to ask her, unexperienced and spontaneus as she is, to spy for them, though. She should have refused, probably. And Dumbledore should have thought things through some more. But Dumbledore has the bad tendency to give people tasks they are not ready for, doesn't he?

And what an ending to the chapter! I know he isn't going to kill her, just because you showed us glimpses of the future and because you wouldn't have a story to tell otherwise. I'm still quite scared for her. I gasped loudly when he revealed that he'd known her intentions the whole time. You have a thing for cliffhangers, don't you?

I will be back for chapter 4 soon. Goodbye for now.

Lots of love for you,

a drop of Amortentia

Author's Response:



Uh, yeah,.maybe just a little :p. 


There is a bit of backstory to the encounter that I haven't revealed yet. The Gryffindor girls didn't outright attack her for no reason (it's still not a very good reason, but there is a reason). I'm also really glad that you're enjoying GracesG character, she's a bit of a hot mess but so is the author so what can I do? Haha! I'm also really glad you enjoyed the comic relief portions. 


Thank you, again, for all these amazing reviews.

Name: A drop of Amortentia (Anonymous) · Date: 17 Feb 2018 06:11 AM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: The Trouble With Whiskey

Hello, hello, and apologies for not being around much.

It's still me, a drop of Amortentia, here with some more love for you and this lovely story.

Oh, no! You did not! She was a Death Eater? And she was there when Gideon was killed? Why? Why would she join them? What's going on? On a different note, I loved the way you wrote that first scene, that thin boundary between dreaming and awakening, how the dream felt more real than reality in a way, and how she clinged to it. And the way Igor take care of her, there's something so sweet about it. Such a painfully emotional scene, and you know I live of those emotions. Your writing and description was so lovely in it, too, as always.

Ah, the life changing of leaving school, finding yourself on your own, your friends taking different roads that might bring them too far away to still keep in touch... I had a feeling from last chapter this would eventually happen, but it is sad. And it is made even sadder by the knowledge that Gideon will be dead in a few years. Maybe their destiny would be different if they stayed close? But maybe I'm running too far.

Aww, their first encounter. I can feel the start of a promising romance, and I have a sixth sense for it. I have to say, I found her thoughts about him being there to kill her hilarious. Did she really think that Death Eaters just killed anyone that happened to sit next to them in a pub? Had she been a Muggleborn, maybe. And by the way, so obvious that the first thing he would do would be accertain her blood status. Personally, I find that old prejudice stupid. Let a Muggleborn give me to one of those Pureblood extremists, I'm sure they would change their mind.

But I'm digressing.

Typical Moody, being overly suspicious of everyone. It was a bit rude, the way they basically kidnapped her because she spent one night drinking with the wrong stranger. They could have just asked nicely. But of course this is war time and prudence is never enough. All is fair in love and war, they say. And I have to agree. I appreciated how Sirius immediately lowered his wand when she showed worry for Gideon, though, and I absolutely loved Gideon's interruption and the argument it almost ensured. I'm curious to see what happens now that Dumbledore has arrived. You cut the chapter in a moment of huge tension, I suppose I will have to move to the next one and see what you have in store for me.

Wonderful work so far, you have a big talent, my dear.

Much love to you,

a drop of Amortentia

Author's Response:

Hello again, dear!


Heheh, I left this scene a little ambiguous, but I promise that it will be resolved in (much) later chapters ;). Awe, thank you so much! I'm trying to portray Karkaroff in a slightly different light, though perhaps not so different as to stray from Canon. I am trying to unravel the backstory to Karkaroff's sins. 


Hahaha! Grace has the tendency to either overanalyze things or do things without thinking (which is a bad combo) - and she has this fear of being murdered. 


Thank you so much, once again!

Name: A drop of Amortentia (Anonymous) · Date: 14 Feb 2018 09:04 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: Difficulties in Trying to Go Unnoticed

Hello, dear Rumpels, I'm a drop of Amortentia, come to bring you love in this Valentine's day.

Such an interesting prelude to what seems to be a great love story you have here, I'm very excited to take this ride with you.

I like Grace already, it's always lovely to meet a young Slytherin girl with no sympathy for the Death Eaters, and equally lovely to meet a group of friends from miscellaneous houses. Just noticed how the three friends in question all have names that start with G, was it intentional?

The style is interesting, too. Segment breaking and non linear narration is something I tend to enjoy a lot and I think you worked with it flawlessly. The common thread in the transition from one scene to the other was so clear and smooth, it didn't feel forced or incohesive at all. I was also really impressed by your descriptions, you have such beautiful imagery here and I loved how it highlighted Grace's emotions, especially in the first segment.

Speaking of which, I'm impatient to learn more about the relationship between Grace and Igor, how it started and how it developed and how it got to the point we are shown in this scene. As you might know, I can produce love, and I can produce heartbreak, and seeing these effects developing in people is always fascinating for me.

I also really enjoyed the little scene you showed about Grace and Sirius. I am quite fond of that boy, he has a talent in conquering and breaking hearts and, as I said, that's something that fascinates me. I wonder what will be his role in the story and if he and Grace will be allies at some stage. I also wonder what Grace's role in the war will be. Will she just try to stay secluded and avoid it? Will she fight against Voldemort? Will her friendship with Gideon and Greta stay strong or will they lose sight of each other?

So many questions, I will be back soon to find my answers.

Goodbye for now, and happy Valentine!

A drop of Amortentia

Author's Response:





I'm glad you like Grace (she can be a little difficult to love sometimes). I really wanted to create an inter-house friendship, I think they're very important but perhaps not emphasized at Hogwarts. It was actually not my intention to have all three start with the letter G and I hadn't noticed until someone point it out, haha! 


I'm experimenting with time-skips and a non-linear timeline in this, which I'm very glad that you liked. I'm always afraid that people will get confused because the timeline hops around so much. 


Sirius is infamously known for his heart-breaking skills, I agree ;) . 


Thank you so, so much for your wonderful review! 

Name: StarFeather (Signed) · Date: 24 Jan 2018 11:16 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: Buttons and Graphorns

Oh, being escorted by a probably a Death Eater must be thrilling. Sometimes love makes people feel dull against the things with ambiguity. People around Grace, including Auror Moody can't take it up, of course. Here, Gideon takes the role to believe her, always, as her best friend. Your plot works very well, Rumpel. And Dumbledore. Beetle alert! It means Grace was forced to do the similar thing to animagus Skeeter. How will you let her do such a dangerous thing, Dumbledore?


Anytime Gideon was loyal to Grace, even when she was surrounded by the other Gryffindor girls. So the part, 'Et tu, Brute' makes Gideon's pain, disbelief conspicuous.


Open conversations between Grace and Karkaroff make us believe their romance will be acceptable, but the things won't go easily. He found out her mission. I really enjoyed this chapter. Yay, James and Sirius! I always imagine they must have been good Aurors, Rowling didn't make it clear though.


I'll come back ASAP.

Author's Response:



I couldn't agree more -- sometimes love blinds people into seeing the negatives about a person, and that's not always a good thing. The Aurors and the members of the original Order of the Pheonix will never see Death Eaters as any more than Death Eaters, you're right, and -- for the most part -- they're right in doing so. The Death Eaters were responsible for so much sadness and loss during the war. And yes, Gideon's friendship with Grace creates a bias, so he is wanting to take her side over Moody's or Sirius'. 


And yes, any relationship between Karkaroff and Grace is going to take a lot of hard work, especially with him being a Death Eater. 


Thank you so much, again!



Name: StarFeather (Signed) · Date: 22 Jan 2018 11:58 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: Difficulties in Trying to Go Unnoticed

Hi, Rumpel! I stopped by this story for prize reviews from my story challenge, Tanka poem.



As I was very impressed by your Tanka poems, I've been itching to read this. I wondered how you had developed the ship between your OC and Karkaroff.



Dosha moya sounds very mystic. How did they develop the ship after Grace graduated from Hogwarts? The woman on the banner looks very mature and thoughtful. I wondered what severe experiences made her like that.



Timeline is randomly sorted and many questions, 'how?' and 'why' are popping in my mind and I can't stop reading next.




It's quite interesting you created unique trio, Gideon Prewett, Greta and Grace, one Gryffindor, one Hufflepuff and one Slytherin.  You didn't write much about how potential Vol's followers did evil acts yet, however, you implied there must be ordinary and innocent Slytherin students there. What we should feel horrible is that these ordinary people are also involved in slaughtering the others like German people during the WWII. I guess Karkaroff in your story might be like them. Just my opinion.




Soon I'll come back to your story.

(edited on Jan. 23 after posting the first review with a typo.)




Author's Response:

Hello, again!


Dusha moya roughly translates from Russian to 'my soul', as a term of endearment. The artist who made the banner chose a very mature-looking photograph of the actress I use as a faceclaim, though I had envisioned her a bit more youthful and carefree (I very much like the way they did my banner, though, so I didn't request changes). 


Yes! I'm experimenting with time-skips, which is why the timeline doesn't follow a linear scope. 


Yes, I agree, many ordinary people can do terrible, terrible things (even if they aren't perceived as innately evil). It is also my feeling that people who do not take part in the acts themselves but remained silent and turned the other cheek to the acts when they could have done something about them, are equally as guilty. Both Karkaroff and Grace will have many moments where they might not be the best people, especially Karkaroff. 


Thank you so much again!



Name: StarFeather (Signed) · Date: 22 Jan 2018 11:23 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: The Trouble With Whiskey

It was fun reading how they met at the pub. You described Grace's loneliness after Hogwarts. It's heart-wrung pain to make sure if her best friend Gideon had not been dead yet by reading the top of newspaper, which is the only way for her to do.


Karkaroff seemed to be lonely and alone. I wonder how he was forced to join Vol's inner circle. He looks like a very nice person in your story. Your description of him let me feel like that.


I got so excited to see not a few Aurors enter. I was sure Sirius must have been Auror, Rowling didn't make it clear though. So I am happy you made him Auror at that time like Gideon was. Fate is cruel, finally Grace could make sure her best friend was alright after being apprehended. 


I wish her skill at DADA Newts level will be used in a good way for her. The scene how she encountered 90% apparent Death Eater Karkaroff was interesting. Tracing her mind movement at the pub made me feel scary and comical. I wonder how deeply Karkaroff thought of Muggle Borns inferiority, which will be the key for your story.


Gideon had taken care of Grace from her living things to her arrest. It's sad as we know what fate is waiting for him. Agh, Dumbledore, even he can't change his fate.


Author's Response:

Hey Kenny!


Sorry for the (very late) response -- I got terribly behind on review responses and am just starting to catch up (months and months later). 


I wanted to create a feeling of isolation and loneliness for Grace during this time, causing her to make choices she might not normally make, so I'm happy to hear that her sadness shone through especially surrounding Gideon and not knowing from one day to the next if he was dead.


I'm trying to paint Karkaroff in a slightly different light, so I'm glad you picked up on it. His story will slowly unravel through the piece as we go.


My headcanon says that Sirius was an Auror, too, even if canon doesn't clarify. I'd like to think that he was (it only makes sense to me -- he and James were such close friends and did virtually everything together, so I can see the both of them being Aurors together). 


I'm excited to write about Grace training with Moody to better utilize her DADA skills. I'm very glad that the pub scene came across both scary and comical -- it was my intention for it to be both of those things and makes me happy to hear that it was achieved :) . 


I know -- my heart breaks for Gideon and it makes me sad knowing that I will eventually be writing his death. 


Thank you so, so much for your lovely review!



Name: justawillowtree (Signed) · Date: 12 Jan 2018 05:26 AM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: Difficulties in Trying to Go Unnoticed

RUMPELS! Your writing is so good, I don't know why I haven't sought it out more. I love your prose, and the way you describe the different characters so clearly. I also want to compliment you on your willingness to experiment; I see you saying things every so often about trying new things, and I love that. It works incredibly well here.


The timeline wasn't confusing, though I did have to double-check some dates after it jumped back and forth between time periods. Other than that, it was pretty easy to follow, and I think it adds a good aura of mystery about Grace/Karkaroff to the story.


I personally didn't find this chapter boring at all, but perhaps it might pale in comparison once I read the chapters that come afterwards, haha. But since I haven't yet, I don't know. Your concerns do make sense, though, so I'm going to try to address them as best as I can.


You mentioned that your characters felt flat and uninteresting. It could be that after the deliciously enticing opening section, you jump backwards to a time when things are happening a little slower, and so it seems less interesting. (It doesn't make it not interesting, though.) I think a way you can add interesting layers to your characters would be to flesh out Grace's relationship with her friends a bit. So far, we've only had brief introductions to Fabian and Greta, with Grace silently implying that Greta's negatively promiscuous. So I think it would definitely be more interesting to introduce them as more developed characters immediately from the get-go!


But, goodness, I loved the little introduction to Karkaroff at the end, by quickly alluding to a newspaper he was in. Such a clever way to bring him to Grace's attention. This story just seems absolutely amazing, so I'm excited to read more.


I loved a whole lot of things about this, from beginning to end. I loved the way you described the fear surrounding Voldemort's rise to power especially.


Thank you for requesting! Please feel free to request more if you wish. 

Author's Response:

Hello, Eva!


*blush* Aw, you're so sweet! I love experimenting (trying something outside of my writing comfort zone is my favorite thing to do) and I'm really glad you like the effect it had here :D :D. 


That's definitely something I have to keep in mind when writing this--I generally know which year I'm writing in because I have everything plotted out, but I have to be super careful about readers who have no idea what's going on and my time-hopping. I'm really excited that you didn't find it confusing (sorry you had to double-check some dates, though)! 


I hadn't thought of the chapter feeling slow after the opening section because of the intensity of the opening section, which is definitely a fair point. Adding more depth to Gideon and Greta's character development right from the start is an excellent suggestion. I think I sometimes forget to add layers to certain characters in the actual story when I have them planned out elsewhere. 


I'm SO GLAD that you enjoyed Karkaroff's introduction into the 'present' time of the story. ^.^ All your compliments are making me squee--you're just too sweet! :D


Thanks so much for taking a look at this for me and for all of your comments!



Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 28 Sep 2017 06:32 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:What We Become Chapter: Difficulties in Trying to Go Unnoticed



I've not had the pleasure of reading anything from you yet so very excited to be here! I thought the idea of this seemed so interesting, it seems to be something quite different. I'm really looking forward to seeing how you progress the story because it sounds amazing already!


You have such a beautiful way with words, the first section how you describe that scene between Igor and Grace. There was so stunning imagery here. You used all the senses in your writing here, I really feel all the tension in this scene. it's so well written, I have no words to do this justice properly (sorry! he he) . I love that you used this as your first scene because this type of storytelling always produces questions.  I'm really drawn into this story because I have so many questions about how they got to this point. We met Grace in the next scene, it is just making me question how those two ended up together.


I do really enjoy how you used the time jumps to tell different parts of the story like her history with Sirius. I like the idea of the friendship group between the trio - Greta, Grace and Gideon. I look forward to see more of them in future chapters. I think this is an awesome first chapter because you've really captured my interest in your characters, you use Grace enough but she's still very mysterious. I think you've had an lovely balance in this chapter between giving some action but laying the groundwork. Great job!!



- Abbi xo 

Author's Response:

Hello, Abbi!


I'm really excited you stopped by this one -- it's brand new! Awww, and thanks! I wanted that first section to stand out from the rest, especially because it's a flash-forward and wanted people to be able to connect with it without really knowing the character's yet. And YES that's exactly the point -- you'll see that Grace is mostly wanting to go unnoticed and avoid the war and, of course, Karkaroff is a Death Eater (who's canonically renowned for his promotion of an environment and fear at Durmstrang later on) so the whole leading up point to how they got together is a huge part in the plot. (I'm so sorry, I'm really excited for this novel.) As for the time jumps, I love to experiment with my writing. This time I'll be experimenting with nonlinear storytelling and romance (dun, dun duuuun)!  Grace will become much more transparent as time goes on -- her motives and story become plainly stated, whereas possible ambiguity of other characters I've already started plotting out in my 'verse's as one-shot vignettes.


Thanks so, so much for the swap -- this review is wonderful! 



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