*Transferred from HPFF*
First of all, let me just say that I love the way you've formatted this story. I really love the way you've used "excerpts" from the article. The syntax in these two paragraphs really adds that non-fictiony feel to the entire thing. And the narrator's voice is actually really lovely so far as well - they sounds so peeved!
I'm just giggling away at the mental images here! The narrator sounds like a person who goes around wearing one of those white lab coats and ridiculously shiny black leather shoes and is always in a really bad mood all the time because they think they're the best thing to happen to the world since penicillin but their sheer brilliance is never appreciated.
Ah! The way you've written this! I could just go on and on and on - but I won't because character limits. I just love all these asides that the narrator directs at the readers. It really gives them a personality and strangely the readers as well. I'm sure I don't fall over that much, but whilst I'm reading this, I feel like I should, just to remain in character.
Haha, of course Tom needs to control the situation! He's the Dark Lord! This scene really reminds of that one time in OotP when the trio bump into Gilderoy Lockhart, and he's still lost his memory, but his personality is basically the same. It seems that all villains in rehab go through the same stages!
The paper... has thoughts? With which Tom can communicate? Are the trees from where the paper came talking to him? Should I be concerned that the contents of my waste paper basket have conscious thought?
There's more than one person in the room with a superiority complex, I'm afraid! I love how patronising the narrator is. They actually remind me a lot of Umbridge in that way. One of the most annoying things about her was that she was so condescending in her complete and utter belief that she was right and everyone else was wrong.
Okay, Tom is weird, but I still think his therapist is weirder. Inkblots are strange things that look like nothing but inkblots to me. I had a little giggle at the wedding night one, though! And Tom is starting to sound more and more like the plot of an episode from Criminal Minds which is just fantastic, because I love that show.
Okay, even more and more like a Criminal Minds episode but where - PLOT TWIST - the baddie is in fact our wonderfully kooky narrator. I think I just fell in love even more!
Okay, so I just finished, and I just loved it. It was like watching the trailer for a horror film, where you don't actually know that it's a horror film, so everything starts out all great and wonderful, but then BAM and the silly person who left the group to find out why the lights had gone off turns up dead somewhere and all chaos ensues, and then just at the climax -
Okay, so I thought to read something else by you and this had been nominated for story of the month so I thought to give it a look...
Wow, this was definitely creepy! I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but this ending was really unexpected and terrifying (I mean Tom breaking free and causing all the massacre, not the killing of Maggie... I have to confess, I think she sort of deserved it... okay, that's cruel of me...)
The style was so interesting, I love how she's always addressing the trainee, the me and you approach. Her stubborness and arrogance were so well done too, and Tom's insanity... It was almost hilarious at times... the way he commanded the coloured circles and his interpretation of the inkblots... actually, that was a bit creepy, she should have caught the signs...
This was really so interesting, a bit weird maybe but I loved it and your writing really captured me from the start to the end, it flows so perfectly.
Brilliant job on this!
Yes, this is an absolutely creepy story, full of experimental-style. I was given a prompt for this one, but I can't remember exactly what it was (something to do with AU and Tom Riddle/Voldemort). Maggie was meant to be an unreliable [and unliked] character, so it's totally okay to feel some ill feelings towards her. I was aiming at a dark comedy so I'm glad that you found the meant-to-be funny parts funny :). If she was anywhere as decent at her job as she let on to be, you're right, she should have caught the signs wayyy before then. Glad you liked it! Thanks so much for another wonderful review! <3
*Transferred from HPFF*
Hello there! I'm here with your review request from the forums!
Wow, I love the way this starts out, almost as an academic presentation. (At first I thought the speaker was Voldemort giving a speech, but then Voldemort was mentioned. But I like the way it starts with the uncertainty.) The narrator is really interesting! I love the perspective and it's very original, the way the story is dictated to an intern.
Crup-eat-crup world :P I like it.
I am so intrigued by this incarnation of Voldemort. Eyes full of humour? He likes to be called Tom? Either he has changed a lot, or Sofia/Maggie is a little crazy. The idea of Voldemort feeling remorse at all is so interesting. WAs it real remorse, or is he just faking to accomplish his goals?
I can't imagine Maggie (yeah, I know that's not her actual name, but that's what she's called for the majority of the story so that's what I'll call her) likes her job at all. Voldemort made some moves on her. Ew. Her thoughts towards the now dead intern were kind of sad - at the end Maggie has got some sort of superiority going on as well.
I LOVE the ending, that last line. It's absolutely perfect.
So overall thoughts - I think this flowed really well, and the perspective was great, I think that was a really neat way to tell the story. The only thing I'm left a bit confused about is characterization. I'm left wondering how Voldemort turned into this person - I assume it was just because of the missing pieces of his soul that Harry had destroyed, but maybe Maggie has more insight on this as the person who is studying him?
Voldemort, although I'm not sure how he ended up the way he did, is well written and very eerie. I kind of like the ambiguity over whether he was remorseful at all and just went crazy and then regressed, or whether he was acting the whole time. It makes him even creepier!
Also, Maggie is very dismissive of the intern who doesn't sound like that bad of a person and I didn't know why Maggie disliked her so much. Perhaps some background there? (Again, I do like the story as is, and other people may tell you opposite things about the characters but this is just my opinion!)
Thought I'd point out a few typos as well - Clever Tom. We can't get much passed him here. (that should be "past".) And here - What are there names? (should be "their")
And I think that sums it up! Hope that was helpful and not just really rambly. What a cool idea for a story and I love the way you wrote it. Nice work! :)
Hello again :).
I like to think of it as Voldemort losing his mind due to the soul's recombination. Then, of course, his true nature comes through. Voldemort II: Back in Parseltongue, or something ;). And yes, Maggie isn't an overall good person, but I had a lot of fun writing with a character who isn't necessarily 'good'. The intern was a good person, who happened to be stuck with a crappy mentor and ultimately resulted in her death. I think I've worked out all the typos!
Thank you, thank you :D *squish*